Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2009 06:42:01 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: Re: a_rocky_road_chapter_11

A ROCKY ROAD

CHAPTER ELEVEN

After graduating from High School, TJ attended American University,
majoring in Sociology.  Its location in Washington, DC and near Georgetown
where Neil attended was, of course, the dominant factor in his choice.  His
father had insisted that he attend an Ivy League school.  He argued that it
would be more prestigious but his ulterior motive was to separate his son
from Neil.  With his mother's support, TJ finally won approval to go to a
local college.

The two young lovers continued their routine of spending weekends together.
That infuriated his father but he recognized that he was powerless to
`reform' his `errant' son.  His authoritarian demands were unenforceable
and would only alienate his son.  Worse, they would jeopardize his
marriage, which would be intolerable; the sex he still enjoyed with his
wife would end and his reputation in his social circles would be tarnished.

Neil received his Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree, the first student in his
college's history to finish in three years summa cum laude.  Having faced
the reality that he was not talented enough to become a concert soloist, he
decided to teach music -- either privately or in a school that was
open-minded enough to hire a gay teacher.

Because of his stellar academic record he was invited to interview for a
job as music instructor at a prestigious boarding school in New England.
The prospect of teaching there was particularly welcome because the state
was one of a very few that permitted gay marriage and he anticipated
formally uniting with TJ "until death do us part."

There were three intensive interviews in which a committee of faculty,
administration, and alumni asked probing questions to assess his
qualifications.  In the second interview, the chairman asked, "Is there
anything in your personal life or background that might be embarrassing to
our school?"

Neil was prepared for a question like that.  He also suspected that the
school's investigation of his background had already uncovered--or at least
aroused suspicion about--his sexual orientation.

"Perhaps, sir," he replied.  "My integrity and honesty compels me to give
you an honest answer.  I'm gay.  I understand that some on the staff at the
school, some parents, and some alumni would find that objectionable.  I
understand their concern.  I assure you, however, I will not allow my
private life to interfere with my professional responsibilities.  I
understand the enormous responsibility I would have as a teacher of
impressionable young people.  I'm absolutely committed to honoring that
responsibility.  You may wonder why.  It's because I've had many teachers
through public school and college that influenced me.  They challenged me,
encouraged me, and are largely responsible for what I have achieved.  I
want to repay that debt by helping the next generation succeed."

The chairman wanted to know more.  "How can we be sure you will keep your
promise, Mr. Bailey?  Why should we believe that you will keep your private
life private?"

"That's a fair question.  I believe I am uniquely qualified to live up to
my promise.  Because I'm gay, I am acutely aware of the stigma attached to
homosexuality.  For that reason, I will be extremely careful not to say or
do anything that would inappropriately influence students.  I don't
broadcast the fact that I'm gay nor do I promote homosexuality with anyone.
I most certainly will not do so with young students who are susceptible to
the influence of a teacher.  You can be sure that I will not jeopardize my
job or embarrass the school."

The president of the alumni association, who was visibly upset when Neil
admitted he was gay, launched a veiled attack.  "Your answer was impressive
but I'm not convinced.  I'd like to know how you would react if you caught
two students engaging in inappropriate behavior."

"That depends on the nature of the behavior, Mr. Winters.  Cheating on
exams or bullying calls for immediate intervention ... perhaps punishment
if the evidence is clear."

Neil had shrewdly but indirectly demonstrated that his primary focus was on
his job responsibilities as a teacher and not on sex.  But the interrogator
missed the implied point.  "That's not what I meant!" he exclaimed.
"Suppose you caught them in a sexual activity."

"I must continue to be honest, Mr. Winters.  Punishment in that situation
would not be appropriate.  Instead, I would strongly advise them to never
to do it again.  I would encourage them to seek guidance from the school
counselor, their pastor, or another adult whom they trusted."

"You wouldn't punish them?" Winters asked confrontationally.

"No, sir, unless there is a school policy that prohibits sexual
experimentation.  In that case, I would be guided by the specific policy."

The inquisitor didn't like Neil's answer and pursued his attack.  "Don't
you see that you are responsible for your students' morals as well as their
class work?"

"I do," Neil replied.  "But at the same time, I recognize a reality.
Puberty intensifies a young person's curiosity.  He or she will
experiment."

Neil paused very briefly to consider what he wanted to say next.  He
decided to say it.  "Experimentation as youngsters hasn't prevented us from
maturing into respectable citizens."  His gaze was fixed on his attacker
who squirmed in his chair.

He then glanced around the room, finding a few committee members smiling or
nodding in agreement.  There were also some frowns, the most pronounced
from the obviously hostile Mr. Winters.  He resumed his answer.  "Most
young people experiment alone.  The more venturesome will do so with a good
friend.  I do not condone that and would say so to any student I found
engaged in such behavior.  However, if there was no coercion, I think
counseling is the proper response, not punishment."

Still unsatisfied, the man challenged Neil by saying, "Counseling?  Suppose
they came to you for counsel.  What would you do?"

"I would first commend them for seeking guidance.  I would immediately
follow that by declining to talk to them about their sexual conduct and
explain why.  I am not trained in counseling and my role as teacher is
limited to their performance in class.  Finally, I would strongly urge them
to talk to someone more qualified to help them.  I might also help them
identify such an individual."

The questioner had hoped to hear Neil say that he would chastise the
deviant for his immoral behavior but he had no rebuttal to Neil's logic so
he held his tongue.

The interview ended when the chairman of the selection committee said,
"Thank you, Mr. Bailey, for your time and your honesty.  There are, as you
may guess, a number of things our committee must discuss.  We will let you
know within a week whether we will be extending a job offer."

Neil left the interview uncertain about whether his answers had satisfied
the committee.  Would they respect his honesty?  Would they trust him to
keep his promise to keep his homosexuality private?  He suspected that four
of the seven committee members would vote in favor of a job offer.  Three,
however, he guessed, would vote no.  But it was only guess work.  He faced
a long week of waiting for an answer.

Two days later, Neil received a call.  "Would you be willing to appear for
a third interview?" the committee chairman asked.

"Of course," Neil replied.  "Am I correct in assuming that my being gay is
a problem?"

"Yes, but the reason for the third interview is a little more complicated.
One of our committee members had a stroke.  He will probably not be able to
return to teaching.  Unfortunately, it happened before we voted on whether
to extend a job offer.  I shouldn't be telling you this but the committee
is deadlocked.  Those opposed to hiring you have agreed to have the school
chaplain break the tie.  He will be present at your interview and will
likely do most of the questioning.  Are you still agreeable to the
interview?"

"Yes, sir.  And thank you for your candor."

They arranged a date and time for the next interview: the following
Thursday.  That left Neil with six days to wonder--and worry--about his
chances for the job.  But he did more than that.  He researched on the
Internet, found the name of the school's chaplain, and learned as much as
he could about the chaplain's history, religious affiliation, and
theological views.  The information was sketchy but offered some help in
preparing for the interview.  He was not hopeful.  The chaplain was old and
therefore likely to cling to attitudes of his generation.  He was
protestant with evangelical leanings--another discouraging sign.  And he
had been married for more than forty years, clearly a heterosexual with
little or no understanding of what it's like to be gay.

Neil fought to dispel his pessimism, to anticipate the chaplain's
questions, and plan appropriate answers.  TJ tried to convince Neil that
the upcoming interview would turn out well but had to admit to himself that
it did not look promising.

The full committee faced him when he was ushered into the conference room.
The chairman warmly welcomed him and thanked him for agreeing to another
interview.  The cordiality of the chairman did little to calm Neil's
nerves.

The chairman introduced Neil to the chaplain and said to Neil, "Reverend
Thornton has reviewed your resume and application so he is familiar with
your admirable qualifications.  We have also spoken with him at length
about our interviews with you and each of us have expressed to him our
opinions.  I think this will be an opportunity for him to find out more
about you."

Reverend Thornton then said, "Mr. Bailey, with your permission, I'll get
right to the point.  Your academic qualifications are not in question.  I
think I speak for all of us when I say you would be an asset to the school.
But, as I'm sure you're aware, there is a sticking point.  You have
admitted that you're gay.  Not everyone on the committee is willing to
accept you into our community.  For that reason, it falls to me to approve
or reject your application.  My questions will focus on your homosexuality.
Are you comfortable with that?"

"Yes, sir.  I rather expected that to be the case."

"Very well," the chaplain said, referring to a pad of paper in the table in
front of him.  "Why have you chosen a homosexual lifestyle?"

The question was delivered in a conversational tone but Neil was
momentarily surprised at its bluntness.  "May I speak frankly, Reverend
Thornton?"

"Of course."

"Thank you.  With respect, sir, I did not `choose' a homosexual lifestyle.
Rather, I recognized that is what I am.  It was a painful process because
of all the taboos.  I went through denial, regret, despair, and
self-hatred.  I was able to find peace only when I accepted the fact that I
am gay.  I knew that I would face discrimination but, to be true to myself,
I could no longer deny my homosexuality.  It was not a choice, sir.  Where
to live is a choice.  Selecting one's friends is a choice.  Deciding on a
career is a choice.  Affiliating with one religion rather than another is a
choice.  Many things, however, are not a choice.  They may be uncommon but
are not a choice.  Left-handedness.  A gift for sports, science, or music.
Hereditary disease or deficiency.  Research has increasingly demonstrated
that there are genetic or biological differences that at least partially
explain the variability in physical appearance, mental functioning, and
even sexual orientation.  I did not choose to be gay.  Gay is what I am."

"So you claim to be a victim of deviant genes?" the Reverend asked.

"No, sir.  I don't regard myself as a victim.  I am a member of a minority
who are emotionally and physically attracted to others of my gender."

"A tiny minority!" the reverend said with surprising emphasis.

"Perhaps.  But may I suggest that no one knows for sure how small or large
the minority is.  Recent research suggests that a surprising number of men
and women are homosexual or bisexual yet live socially acceptable lives
while guarding their secret vigorously...vigorously enough to insult and
even persecute those who more readily admit to being different."

"Next question," the reverend said tersely.  "Are you now or do you plan to
be sexually active."

"If I may, sir, and with respect, would you ask that question of a
heterosexual applicant?"

The chaplain squirmed perceptibly, stammered briefly before saying, "If the
applicant were unmarried, yes, I might."

Neil regretted challenging the question because it may have irritated the
one person on the committee who would decide his fate.  In a conciliatory
gesture, he said, "Under the circumstances, Reverend Thornton, I understand
why you had to ask that question.  My homosexuality and society's prevalent
condemnation of it demands it.  I'm happy to answer your question.  I am in
a relationship with another young man.  That relationship is based on a
deep and abiding love for each other.  We are committed to being monogamous
partners and honoring our relationship with fidelity.  Am I sexually
active?  Yes, but I hasten to emphasize that the foundation of our bond is
spiritual.  The physical expression of our love is secondary to our respect
and admiration of each other."

"Monogamous you say.  I'm sure you're aware that a large percentage of gay
relationships among young people do not survive."

"Acutely aware, sir.  Just as I'm aware of the number of traditional
marriages end in divorce leaving single parents to cope with raising
children of the marriage.  I know that the odds do not favor us.  No one
can predict the future but I'm as sure as I'm talking to you that he and I
are devoted to each other and to maintaining a loving relationship."

"Are you ever attracted to other men?"

"I know I've qualified some of my answers but in this case I can answer
unequivocally.  No!  I'm committed to one and only one man."

Referring to his notes again, the chaplain asked, "What is your opinion of
pedophilia?"

"That's easy.  Another unequivocal answer.  It's reprehensible!  There's no
such thing as consensual sex between an adult and a child."

Neil fervently hoped that the chaplain would not ask for a definition of
`child' since his relationship with TJ began when TJ was legally a minor.
Fortunately, reverend Thornton moved on.

"A final question, Mr. Bailey.  If offered a position, do you swear by all
that's holy that you will refrain -- on or off campus -- from condoning or
otherwise promoting homosexuality?

"Yes, sir.

"And will you actively discourage homosexual behavior among students?"

"Yes, although as I explained to the committee earlier, experimentation
among pubescent youngsters should be met with counseling, not punishment."

"Thank you for your time and your candor, Mr. Bailey.  I have no more
questions."

The chairman then asked Neil to wait outside the conference room while the
committee discussed his application.

Neil waited and worried.  Had he been too free with his opinions?  Did what
he said conflict with the chaplain's view of morality and homosexuality?
Should he have admitted his ongoing relationship with TJ?  He had been
honest but did that cost him a job?

It was only fifteen minutes before the chairman opened the conference room
door and invited Neil back inside.  It had seemed far longer to Neil.
Nervously, he entered the room.  The expressions on the faces of the seven
men gave no clue to the conclusion they had reached.  The chairman asked
Neil to be seated before saying, "I'm pleased to tell you, Mr. Bailey, that
a job offer will be in the mail to you soon."

Neil tried to contain his relief and happiness but smiled broadly and
blurted out, "Thank you."

"There's more," the chairman said, now becoming very serious.  "It was a
difficult decision.  Even those who favored hiring you had reservations --
not about your academic achievements or your potential to be an effective
teacher but about your personal life.  Let me make it very clear to you.
You will be subjected to unusual scrutiny.  Your contract will include a
clause that gives the school the right to terminate your employment at
will.  Would you accept an offer under those conditions?"

"Yes, sir."

Upon leaving the building, Neil phoned TJ with the good news.

They celebrated the next Friday night with dinner in a posh restaurant.  TJ
outwardly joined Neil in rejoicing but was inwardly haunted by the thought
that, in a few months, Neil would be moving hundreds of miles away.  TJ
wouldn't think of spoiling the celebration by mentioning it but Neil
brought the subject up.  "I've done a little research, TJ.  There are two
universities within commuting distance from I'll be working.  Would you
consider transferring and finishing your degree at another school?"

"To be with you I would do anything!"  TJ gushed.

Back in Neil's dorm room, Neil showed TJ a folder full of information he
had gathered on both Universities.  "Look this over, TJ.  It's stuff I
collected on the two schools.  I'm hoping that one or both of them will
appeal to you."

TJ began pouring over the information but Neil interrupted him by saying,
"Not now!  I think there's a better way to spend our time."

TJ chuckled and agreed, "A much better way."

Before long, they were naked in bed.  They both enjoyed any time they spent
together but it was moments like this--lavishing affection on each other in
passionate intimacy--that they experienced the ultimate commitment and
satisfaction.  They were not just two young men in love; they were but a
part of a magical union of two souls.

His father vigorously objected to TJ's transferring schools.  "Don't think
I don't know the reason," he declared.  "It's the worst of all possible
reasons.  You're following Neil just to maintain your sordid relationship.
I can't understand why you don't think of your future."

TJ was by now immune to his father's rants and replied calmly, "My future
is with the man I love.  Without him, I have no future."

Once again, his father relented.  He surrendered to his wife's threats of
leaving him celibate in his own home if he stood in the way of her son's
happiness.  He resigned himself to living with but intensely disliking his
son's `illicit affair' and his `rebellion.'

TJ moved into Neil's apartment and commuted to college.  Both young men
were blissfully happy.  Their dream of living together that had so often
seemed to be only a wish was finally a reality.  Their love grew stronger,
even though they couldn't show their affection in public; it would
jeopardize Neil's job.


EPILOG

Neil's parents visited the couple in July (when they would not have to cope
with New England's winter weather) before spending a week's vacation at a
resort in the Pennsylvania Poconos.  They were especially proud of their
son, had grown to admire TJ even more, and were fully accepting of the gay
partnership.  Neil's brother, however, grew more distant and antagonistic.
He continued to refuse to talk to Neil or even acknowledge that he had a
big brother.  When asked by friends about Neil, he would say, "He's gone
fag!  I won't have anything to do with him!"

TJ's mother visited more often.  She still disapproved of her son's
relationship but loved him.  Given that TJ was gay, she could think of no
better partner than the intelligent, compassionate Neil Bailey.  Except for
the intimacy that she had no doubt went on between the two, she was
grateful to Neil for making TJ happy and for his positive influence on his
education.  Sometimes she brought Isabel along for the visit, which
delighted both TJ and Neil.  His father, however, never visited.  He
remained mired in disappointment and self-inflicted shame.  He and TJ had
virtually no contact beyond what was absolutely necessary.  TJ continually
told his father he loved him but received only a grunt or no response at
all from the bitter man.

Following TJ's graduation from college, he accepted a job as a case worker
in a social service agency.  Again, he was subjected to a tirade from his
father who felt the position was not prestigious enough, the pay would
condemn him to live in the middle class, and the work would put him in
constant contact with welfare leeches.  His mother admitted to being happy
for him because it was what he had long wanted to do.  Isabel's pride in
him, never fully expressed in front of her employers (but made very clear
to TJ in private) was boundless.

The wedding was a small affair attended only by TJ's mother, Isabel, Ramon
and Jerry, and Neil's parents.  What it lacked in ostentatious trappings of
a formal wedding and reception, however, did not diminish the utter joy of
two young men who for so long had dreamed of the day when they could be
one.

The end