Date: Sat, 22 Dec 2007 22:30:40 -0500
From: Morris Henderson <bigmoh@post.com>
Subject: An Improbable Love - Part 1

AN IMPROBABLE LOVE

Chapter One

Thomas Jefferson Ryerson III grew up in an affluent community near
Arlington, Virginia as the only son of a prominent lawyer in the U.S.
Department of Justice and a mother who was a concert violinist.
He had two sisters but they were much older and had already
completed college, married, and moved out when he was born.
He was a surprise baby, perhaps the result of a defective condom.
His mother had to cancel a scheduled concert tour because of the
pregnancy, which was a great disappointment for her but abortion
was out of the question because of her religious beliefs.

His mother began calling him TJ because she had never really
liked giving a child the parent's name.  His father initially objected
to the nickname, arguing that Thomas Jefferson Ryerson was
a distinguished name that honored the reputation both he and his
father had established in the upper levels of government service.
However, he relented while hoping that TJ would be used only
until his son matured.  However, it turned out that the nickname
stuck.  Everyone--family, friends, and neighbors--used that nickname
until he started school where most teachers insisted on calling him
Thomas because that was the name on the school records and one
does not argue with bureaucratic paperwork.  Still, everyone but his
school teachers continued to call him TJ.

In spite of the disruption of a new baby to the lives of the parents,
they welcomed the new arrival.  The disruption was short-lived.  The
boy's father had to make frequent business trips out of town and his
mother resumed her musician's profession that required her to also
be out of town for extended periods on tour.  Because of that and
because they could afford it, they hired a live-in nanny to care for the
new child.

The nanny, Isabel Rodriquez, was a middle-aged, recently widowed
woman who had been unable to have her own children and quickly
became the ideal care-giver for young TJ, treating him as the son
she never had while recognizing the priority of a bond between
the boy and his real parents.

TJ learned about ambition, social status, and reputation from his
parents.  Their criteria for acceptable behavior seemed to be 'what
will others think and say'.  'Others' included only evangelical
Christians in the upper-class of society.  One lived a 'moral' life
not as much for rewards in the afterlife as for the admiration of
others -- more specifically, the 'right' others.

Isabel, however, became a dominant influence in molding TJ's
values and attitude.  From her, he learned about tolerance and
compassion.  She did not lecture TJ with an intent to mold his
values as his parents often did.  She only told stories of her
impoverished youth and her efforts to help her relatives and
friends when they needed help.  Without trying, or perhaps
consciously, she taught TJ by the example she set.

The conflicting goals of social standing and social equality first
surfaced as TJ approached his tenth birthday.  His parents
were planning an elaborate party for him.  All his school chums
were to be invited.  The children of his parents' upper class
friends would also be invited.  There was to be a catered meal,
entertainment, and all the trappings of a social event that would,
in TJ's parents' view, be expected of a socially prominent family.
TJ, however, had other ideas.  He suggested a more scaled-down
party with no entertainment other than games, and with hot dogs,
soda, and the obligatory birthday cake for food.  He argued
strenuously with his parents who finally relented.

Having won that battle, TJ made another suggestion.  There
would be no birthday presents.  Instead, each invited guest
could bring a contribution to a charity that served the needs of
the underprivileged.  He expected his parents to object to that
idea as well but they saw it as a novel way to enhance their
reputation and status in the community so they agreed.

By the time TJ was in high school, he was beginning to reconcile
the competing expectations of his parents -- they made it clear that
he was to go to a prestigious college and enter a "respectable"
profession -- and the principles of social justice he had learned
from Isabel.  His conclusion was that both goals could be met by
some form of social work.  He could fight tenaciously for equality
of opportunities and the rights of the disadvantaged minorities.
That would require a degree in sociology or social work, perhaps
a law degree, but it would prepare him for what he genuinely felt
he wanted to be.  Moreover, it would satisfy his parents' wish to
be proud of him while being true to the values he learned from
Isabel.  Conflict resolved.  Or so he thought.

His mother endorsed his decision but his father clung to the hope
that TJ would become anything but a common social worker.  TJ
and his father argued about it periodically.  The arguments stopped
only when both realized that neither one of them would change the
other's opinion.  They then lapsed into a calm period of co-existence
by avoiding all further discussion of the subject.  While that
brought peace to their relationship, it also introduced a distance
between them that precluded any honest, meaningful discussions
of the kind that all boys need and too few enjoy.

Although TJ had reconciled the conflict between social status and
humanitarian work, another conflict arose during his high school
years: a conflict that tormented him, a conflict that it seemed
no one could help him resolve.  He had been attracted to other
boys and not to girls since just after puberty.  By the time he was
15 and a sophomore in high school, he grudgingly accepted the
fact that he was gay.

He dared not reveal his homosexuality to his parents.  Both of them
valued too highly the doctrines of their religion and the values of their
conservative political party.  All his peers in high school seemed to
have similar views and were frequently vocal in their disdain for such
deviant behavior.  He knew, however, from his studies in psychology
and sociology, that he was not alone.  Homosexuality was not common
but neither was it a sickness.  While he subscribed to most of the
teachings of his parents' religion, he questioned some doctrine and,
in particular, the prohibition against homosexuality.  He puzzled over
the conflict between the commandment to 'love they neighbor' and
the persistent, often malicious condemnation of those who were
attracted to others of the same sex.  The dilemma haunted him but,
being a perceptive and insightful young man, he acquired coping
skills.  He compartmentalized his thoughts and behavior.  With his
family, in school, and in public, he was the model American teenager.
In his private fantasy world and his solo sexual indulgences, he was
decidedly gay.  Such compartmentalization, if extreme, is a
defining characteristic of schizophrenia.  But TJ kept it in check.

Then he met Neil.  Neil Bailey was a student at Georgetown University
studying music and already, at age 17, an accomplished violinist.  He
and TJ's mother had performed together at a concert.  She was
impressed with his personality as much as his obvious talent and
invited him to dinner.

When Neil arrived for dinner on a Friday night, the Ryersons ushered
him into the formal living room where they chatted for half an hour.
Mr. Ryerson had not met Neil before and was immediately impressed
by the young man's self-assured confidence.  He was not cocky or
egotistical but was comfortable and friendly in conversing with people
more than twice his age.

Isabel, who was no longer TJ's nanny but had been retained as a
housekeeper, came into the living room and said, "Dinner will be
ready in 15 minutes."

"Thank you, Isabel," replied Mrs. Ryerson.  "Would you buzz TJ on
the intercom and remind him that we have a guest for dinner."

"I already have," Isabel replied.  "He's just finishing up a school
assignment and will be down shortly."

The Ryersons and their guest were just about to sit down at the
dining room table when TJ entered the dining room and saw
Neil.  His heart skipped a few beats because Neil was not at all
what he expected.  He knew that Neil was intellectually gifted
and had gone from high school to the university years before
his peers and he knew that he was a talented musician.  But he
didn't know how strikingly handsome the boy was.  TJ had
subconsciously formed an image of a lean, perhaps scrawny
boy more interested in books and the violin than in physical
exercise to keep his body in shape.  However, Neil's appearance
was not at all like that.  Even the Irish-knit sweater and slacks
could not hide his broad shoulders, narrow waist, and perfectly
proportioned body.  And his face!  Deep-set eyes crowned by
gently arching eyebrows.  Dark hair moderately long and
perfectly styled.  And a smile that would melt the heart of
anyone who saw it.  He was, in short, the sort of young man
you would expect to see on the cover of a magazine for teen
girls who would fantasize over being seen with him.

Mrs. Ryerson introduced the two boys but TJ only
half-heard what she said.  Uncharacteristically, he stood
speechless as he marveled at the vision of young manhood
that stood in front of him.

"You might say at least 'hello'," Mr. Ryerson said to TJ.

Thinking fast, TJ said, "Sorry.  I guess I was still absorbed in
my school assignment.  I'm pleased to meet you, Neil."

Isabel began setting the salad course on the table as the
Ryersons and the two boys took their seats.

"So tell me," Neil said to TJ as they started on their salads.
"Your school assignment must have been either difficult or
interesting or both to hold your attention.  What was it?"

"The economics of slavery before the civil war.  Specifically,
what caused the variation in prices paid for slaves."

"Sounds fascinating," Neil replied.

TJ couldn't tell if Neil was serious or just being polite but
thought the latter was more likely.  However, Neil began to
volley questions at TJ, which seemed to be evidence of real
interest.  For the next several minutes, the two boys monopolized
the conversation at the dinner table.  TJ was pleased that Neil
seemed to be genuinely interested in his research and
conclusions.  TJ's parents were pleased to be relieved of the
burden of conversing with Neil and quite proud of TJ's mastery
of the topic.

What TJ did not know--and would be embarrassed and flattered
if he did know--was that Neil was far more interested in TJ than in
the economics of slavery.  Neil had been immediately impressed
with TJ's good looks when they first met and the attraction only
increased as they spoke with each other over dinner.

TJ was equally attracted to the bright, good-looking dinner guest.
He was, of course, accustomed to those feelings.  He had often
been attracted to other boys but he had honed his skill of hiding
that attraction.  With Neil, however, the feelings were much more
intense.  Yes, he was good looking.  He guessed that he had a
good body under his clothes.  But there was something new in
the equation, something that intensified his feelings.  He had
immediately liked Neil as a person.  It was an emotional as well
as a physical attraction.  It would be a stretch to call it love at first sight but it was very close to that.

Isabel began serving the main course: rib roast, asparagus, and
baked potatoes.  The interruption served to remind Neil that his
two hosts had been excluded from the conversation.  He looked
at Mr. Ryerson and said, "I apologize.  It was rude of us to carry
on the way we did and ignore you.  Please forgive us."

"That's quite all right," Mr. Ryerson said.  "I think I speak for both
myself and my wife when I say we found your conversation most
enlightening and entertaining."  His comment was more diplomatic
than truthful.  He actually had little interest in the economics and
social dynamics of the antebellum South although he should have
because of its relevance to current civil rights litigation.  He had
assisted in the prosecution of several cases of racial discrimination
but it was with a detached objectivity and not because of any sense
of equality.  The truth of the matter was that he was a 'polished
bigot' -- a person that regards blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, and other
minorities as intrinsically inferior but who ably maintains a facade
of objectivity.  Only rarely did he say anything that revealed his
true attitudes and then only with family and very close friends.
He was less guarded in his comments about gays since, in his
professional and social circles, the 'sanctity of marriage' was a
politically correct position to take.  TJ had been subjected to
several of his diatribes about deviant sexual behavior, which
only added to his torment in accepting the fact that he was gay.

As the dinner continued, the conversation turned to Neil's studies,
Mr. Ryerson's job, and Mrs. Ryerson's tour schedule.  Over desert,
Neil said, "It seems we've left you out, TJ.  Tell me about your
interests and activities."

"Not much to say," TJ replied.  "Just school and a couple of sports."
He felt that his life was far less interesting than Neil's or his parents'.

Neil, more interested in engaging TJ than in learning of his interests,
probed further.  "Which sports?"

"Mostly tennis and swimming," he replied, still not eager to pursue
the topic.

"And he's quite good at it, too," Mr. Ryerson interjected.  "He made
the tennis team as a freshman and -- this is not just a proud parent
talking -- he's the best player on the team...undefeated so far this
year."

"I'm impressed," Neil said, looking at TJ with a captivating smile.
"I'd really like to watch you play some time, perhaps even play with
you...if you would be gentle with a real novice at the game."

Neil's comment was deliberately suggestive--he wanted to play
with TJ on and off the tennis court -- but TJ didn't pick up on it.  He
only knew that he was attracted to Neil and would welcome the
chance to be with him, to see him in tennis clothes, so he replied,
"I'd like that.  We should get together sometime."

"Yes," Neil said.  "I'd like to get together with you."  (Another comment with double meaning that TJ, in his innocence, didn't catch)
"Would you have time this weekend?"

TJ, having become increasingly interested in the opportunity of seeing
Neil again, replied, "I'll make the time.  Early Saturday mornings are
a good time to get a court at the Club.  Is that okay with you?"

"Perfect!" Neil gushed and then worried that he sounded a little too
eager.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment," TJ said as he rose from the table,
"I'll call and make reservations for a court."

Upon returning to the dining room, TJ said, "Good news and bad news.
Bad news--all the courts are booked until 10 o'clock.  Good news: they
just had a cancellation from 10 to 11.  So I reserved the court then.
Is that all right with you?"

"Ten o'clock is fine," Neil grinned.

"I'll ask Isabel if she can come in tomorrow to have lunch ready for
you two athletes," Mrs. Ryerson said.  "Your father has to go in to
the office all day and I have a rehearsal in Baltimore so no one will
be home all day.

"No," TJ said.  "There's no need to bother Isabel on her day off.
She's going to vist her sister tomorrow.  We can have lunch at
the Club or even pick up a pizza and come back here to eat."

"I agree," Neil added.  "I love Isabel's cooking but would hate to
impose on her."  Then, in disguised ploy to be alone in the house
with TJ, he said, "I think a pizza is a good idea."

"As you wish," Mrs. Ryerson said.  "I'll leave you two to make your
own arrangements, then."

Neil's mind was already racing toward the arrangements after lunch
when he could be alone with TJ.  TJ, however, wouldn't think about
that until later.  When it finally occurred to him that he would be in
the house alone with Neil, he realized what an opportunity it was but
he tempered his anticipation with the conviction that Neil would be
deeply offended by any suggestion of intimacy or sex.