Date: Thu, 6 Oct 2005 11:32:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: Richard Mark <andygaywriter@yahoo.com>
Subject: In Pain : In Pain Chapter 1

WARNING!  To qualify to read this story, you must be of
legal age and allowed by the jurisdiction or jurisdictions
that govern you to read sexually explicit homosexual
material.  If you do not qualify, you must exit and seek
other material.  You have been
warned.  Thank you for cooperating and being fair to others.

All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are
purely fictional.  Any resemblance to actual persons, names,
places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a
pure coincidence.

This story is the sole creation of it's author and thus he
retains full publication rights.  Please email me to post it
on a site other than Nifty.  Email me at:
andygaywriter@yahoo.com.  Thanks!


Chapter 1: In Pain

The day started out just like any other.  Really it did.  I
got up, showered, ate and walked to school.  I even made it
through the first three hours without anything bad
happening.  But then during fourth hour, my popular cultures
class teacher decided it was discussion day.  We touched on
reality television, the sexualization of entertainment and
then came the kicker: gays.  I just felt my heart fall like
five inches to meet up with my kidneys.  Heart - Kidneys,
Kidneys - Heart.  There, you are introduced.  Now, are you
ready to show the class breakfast?

My best friend, Kole is in the class with me.  We both took
it because we wanted an easy class.  And it was.  Until
today.  We talked about gays for 25 minutes.  From how does
the media portray them; to will we see more on TV, in
political office and then the killer: the locker-room?  And
somehow, the teacher let my classmates; my friends voice
their opinions on what they'd do if they found out they had
a gay friend.  You've heard it:

"I'd kick his ass."

"I'd never be friends with a fag."

"I could never shower with them.  They'd check me out."

I don't think I said one word through the whole discussion.
I don't even know if I breathed.  Finally class let out and
I was able to get some much needed air.

"Hey bro.are you okay," Kole asked me.  I just looked at him
and tried to think of a story.fast.  Come on Will.think of
something!

"Um.yeah," I sputtered.  "Just tired I guess."

"Andy," Kole said, putting his hand on my shoulder.  "If you
need anything, you don't even have to ask.  You know that
right?"  I just stood there.  Taking his hand off me he
said, "Well man, I'll see you after school.  Make sure you
look over the plays coach gave us last night.  We'll need
those to win tonight."

With that I walked away.  I couldn't stay there.  I had too
much on my mind.  School was just a blur the rest of the
day.  I couldn't even think during history.my best subject.

                            *****

I left school in a daze.  I was lost.  I thought I knew my
friends.  Then the bad thoughts started creeping into my
head.why should I go out on that field tonight and lay it on
the line for guys who don't even respect the real me?...why
do I have to be.ya know.  Damn, I can't even think that
word.

I got home and just crashed on the couch.  I needed to just
calm down.  It wouldn't do me any good to be off tonight.  I
was a sophomore starting quarterback on the varsity team.
It's weird because I'm not really built at all.  In fact,
I'm a pretty small guy, but I can throw the ball with pin-
point accuracy to anyone.  Kole is my best friend, in life
and on the team and he's obviously my favorite target.
Anytime I see the #87 streaking across the field, my eyes
light up.

This is our team's first game and we're starting the season
ranked #1.  It's the Montgomery Mammoths against the team
across the river, the Jefferson Jaguars.  My cousin was
their star cornerback and I knew he'd be a problem tonight.
But, I was getting excited.  I went up to my room to get my
stuff packed and ready to go.  My little brother came into
my room and helped me.  He loves watching me play.  He's a
quarterback himself on his eighth grade team.

"Hey, thanks Mikey," I said.

"No prob bro," he laughed back.  "Andy, we gotta win
tonight, so get out there and kick their ass!"

I just laughed.  He was always the one to be pumped up, even
more than me.  I'm already planning on him beating me out
for the starter's job next season - he's that good.  That's
why I'll live this season up.  Or let it kill me - one of
the two.

                            *****

I walked into the locker-room pretty early.  5:15 p.m. for
an 8:05 p.m. kickoff.  The varsity isn't required to be
there until 6 p.m., but I'm usually the first one in,
because in many ways, the wins and losses come down on my
shoulders and I want extra time to be prepared.

I spend the first 45 minutes just slowly getting the under-
gear on.  The tape on the ankles and the left wrist.  I get
on the treadmill for about 10 minutes and then my teammates
will start to filter in.  We all start talking about the
upcoming game and our plan to shut them down.

I am now getting help from Josh, my backup, to put on my
shoulder pads and my #16 jersey.  This is it for me.  I have
everything on - and its warm-up time.  This the last chance
I have to work out the game plan and get my arm warmed up.
At this time I'm quiet - I'm getting into my zone.  My
teammates know this and for the next hour, hardly anyone
will speak to me.

We all jog out onto the field and start our warm-ups.  Then
we get going into the passing drills.  Running typical
routes.  We won't show anything special just in case the
other team is watching.  In fact tonight, we're running this
sweet play that will hopefully go against my cousin which
will be bragging rights for years if it works.

Once our passing drills are done, it's my time.  I told the
coaches I wanted the last ten minutes of warm-ups to do
things on my own.  I told them that sometimes I would just
go to the locker-room to think some more or talk to the
coaches.  Tonight, I wanted to start a tradition.

I crossed the 50-yard-line and walked to my opposing
quarterback, a guy who was actually my friend.

I walked up behind him and patted him on the back.  "Hey
Neal," I said.

"Hey Andy," Neal said.  "Ready for this?"

I just chuckled, "You know it!  How's your brother liking
backing you up?"

"Oh, he's loving it," Neal said rolling his eyes.  "Nah,
it's all good.  It'll be fun to finally play on the same
team."

Well, I had done what I set out to do.  "Anyway, I just
stopped by to wish ya luck this season and I hope to see you
in a few months."

Neal being an awesome senior put his hand on the side of my
helmet, "Andy, no matter what happens this year, you keep
your head up.  There will be tough times, but you're going
to be great."

I almost started to tear up, but I held back.  I just
slapped the side of his helmet and jogged off.  I was ready.

We went into the locker-room and it was speech and prayer
time.  I sat by my locker just listening.  The prayer was
over and it was time to go.  We got to the tunnel and the
announcer said, "And heeeerrrrrreeeee cooooommmmmeeeee
tttttthhhhhheeeeee Mammoths!"

We all tore off running, me, the leader, leading my troops
into battle.  I ran to the sideline and grabbed a football
and started tossing it.  I was juiced because it was finally
time.  We stood for the National Anthem, something I love.
Now it was finally game time.

I gathered my offense on the sideline, me in the middle and
said, "Boys.this is it.  This is why we did two-a-days.
This is why we work hard.  This moment.  Right now.  Are you
ready?  YEAH!  Are you ready?  YEAH!  Then let's go out
there, play Mammoth football and we'll be on our way to a
championship.  The road starts now.  Everybody in.  Mammoths
on three.  One, two, three.MAMMOTHS!"

I got to the huddle for the first play and I knelt down,
"Red rebel, 44-blast."  The play went flawless.  Gain for
six yards.

Next play, "Eagle 20, Fox 7, Jab 766."  It was a pass play
with my first option to the right side, 5-yards out.  It
went perfect.  We had a first down.  It's always the hardest
to get that first pass to work out right.  Now I could start
to settle down into a rhythm.

We slowly but surely moved down the field, but the drive
stalled on the 16 yard line.  First drive and we stalled in
the red-zone.  What's worst though is on the 3rd and seven
play, I had Kole wide open in the middle and I missed him by
at least five yards.

We got back to the sideline and Kole sat down next to me,
"Dude, what happened there?  Were you rushed?"

I just shook my head.  "No dude, I just fucked that one up."

The next series out we decided to go with our special play
for the third one of the series no matter what.  Our first
play was a run to the right so it could set up our next one.
We gained 12 yards which was huge because the next to plays
were play-action.

I knew the next two plays could open the game wide open if
they worked.  The first one was `Walter, Fox 10, Blast
Right.'

It was a simple play-action to the right with a quick roll-
out to the left and the TE would be open.  And it worked
perfectly.  The linebacker bit on the play-action and I had
the TE wide open.  And I over-threw him and the corner that
saw what was happening almost made the pick.  "Damnit!" I
screamed.  I slapped myself on the head.

Well, here was the play; Kole would be open if I made the
right step.  "Colt, I-Right Tight, X-Post."  It was a great
play that Kole and I had drawn up on Monday night.

I got under center, did my snap count, received the ball,
did my play-action, hid the ball for a second, dropped back,
started stepping forward; surveying the field.  I saw
it.#87.wide open, just like he was supposed to be.  I
stepped forward and threw a bomb.  At least I thought I had.
Unfortunately, I under threw the pass, and my wonderful
cousin picked it off.  A gift from one family member to
another.

The rest of the game was much more of the same.  I finished
the game 6-20, with four interceptions and 55 yards passing.
I was also sacked seven times.  When the clock finally
struck 0:00, I stood up from the bench, drained of all
energy and got in line.  I was last in line.  We started to
shake hands.  I love this part, because as football players,
for 60 minutes, we are meant to kill each other.  But now,
we were just people again.

I got to Neal, the opposing quarterback who I had spoken
with before the game and he shook my hand and pulled me
close, wrapping his other arm around my head and whispered
into my ear, "Bud, promise me you'll keep your head up.  I'm
pulling for you.  Keep working."

I didn't mutter a word.  Right behind him was his brother,
Jakob, who was his backup.  Boy, what I wouldn't give to be
him right now - on the bench.  Maybe I'll be there next week
anyway.

I got to the locker-room, stripped off my gear and headed to
the showers.  It was quiet in the locker-room.  No one was
talking which was rare.  30 minutes after the game coach
always talks to us.  I was standing in the shower at the
time.just spacing off.  I wrapped a towel around my waist
and went to listen.

"Boys," Coach Riley began.  "We didn't get it done tonight.
>From the top on down.  Defensively, we won the game.  But,
we lost as a team.  Tomorrow is your day off.  We're back on
the field Sunday at two."  Pausing, looking around the room,
then directly at me, "Andy, you're still our guy and until I
say otherwise, that's the way it's going to be.  Okay,
that's all.  Get some rest and get your minds right for
Sunday."

I went straight to my locker, got dressed and just left,
which isn't like me.  Usually, no matter if we won or lost,
I would be talking with my teammates, making sure everything
was okay with them.  But, not tonight.  I needed to get out
of their sight.  I caused us to lose and they caused my head
to be in the wrong place.  I couldn't stand to look at them.

                            *****

I got home and went straight for my room and signed on to
AOL and started surfing.  Soon, all my friends were IM'ing
me to make sure I was okay.  I didn't want to talk, so I
just put up an away message, "Screw it - I just can't win
with anyone."

I had been online for at least two hours, just bumming
around when I finally decided to answer one of the messages.
It was from Kole.

Wideopen87: Andy, I know you're pissed, but I will listen
if/when you need to talk bro.

Express958: Dude, why can't everyone just leave me alone!

Wideopen87: Dude, calm down okay?  So, you had a shitty game
- it happens.  What's really bothering you?

Express958: Nothing alright.  I just don't want to talk to
anyone about shit right now.  Everyone feels sorry for me
and they don't even know me.

Wideopen87: Ya, I know what you mean.  But, you know you can
always talk to me.  I've always been here for you and you've
always been there for me.  So, anything you need, you don't
even need to ask.

Express958: Whatever.  You have no idea what I mean.  I'm
tired of this shit.  I don't even know why I even put up
with shit anymore.  I feel like I'm not even living.

Wideopen87: ANDY!  What the hell is going on?

Express958: Nothing alight!  Damn.  No one even listens to
me.  God!  I'm sorry my mind wasn't on the game tonight.I
messed up the whole season.  Damn, I should just quit.

Wideopen87: And do what?  Andy, forget about tonight - it
was just one game.  We still have ten more.  Keep your head
up.

Express958: How can I do that when I sucked and I all I
wanted to do all night was just f'in cry?

Wideopen87: Whoa.cry about what?  The game?  What's going
on?

Express958: Forget it - I can't deal with this.

Wideopen87: Dude, want me to come over?

Express958: That's the last thing I want Kole.  No offense.
I can't be with anyone right now.  I'm done.I can't do this
anymore.  Have a good night man.  And know that no matter
what happens from here on out, that I always loved you.
You're my best friend and I wouldn't change that for
anything.  Until another day.

Before he could respond - I signed off.  I was done.  I'd
had it.  I couldn't play for a team that didn't respect me.
I certainly couldn't tell people what was bothering me.
This was it.  I know it was selfish, but I needed to take
control of my life and this was the one way for me to do it.

I opened a Word document and changed the font size to 48.  I
typed:

     Sorry I did this.  Please know this isn't about you -
     it's about me and how I can't live like this anymore.
     I'm gay.  There, I said it.  Now tell me I was wrong to
     do this.  Just ask my teammates.  They will be glad I
     can't check them out anymore.  Trust me, I heard them
     say it.

     Mom, dad, Mikey and Kole, I love you guys and I'm
     sooooo sorry I did this.  Just know that I am finally
     happy now.  It was never you guys - you were the four
     things in my life that helped me get up in the morning.
     I'll always be with you.

     Love - Andrew Michel


This is the first story I have ever written, so I could use
some feedback.  I have a whole outline where this story is
going to go, so please, be patient and enjoy the ride as we
get to know Andrew and his friends and family.  It's going
to be good and there will be sex eventually..  I would love
feedback.  Please email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com