In Pain 10

All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, names, places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a pure coincidence.

This is a love story and at this time, limited sexual activity, but that will change with time.

This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he retains full publication rights. Please email me to post it on a site other than Nifty. Email me at: andygaywriter@yahoo.com. Thanks! You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16

Well, the game was over -- thank God! I didn't think I could ever be in that much pain.

We got home and my dad immediately said we were going to the hospital to have it x-rayed. We made it to the emergency room and waited for the nurse to come take us back. Meanwhile I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize.

"Hey man, this is Neal! I just wanted to call and congratulate you on your win."

"Thanks man. That means a lot." I looked down at my hand and sighed. "I just hope I get to play."

"Alright man, take care and congrats." With that, I hung up and the nurse came back and took me to get the x-ray taken. Once that was done, we were ushered into the office to wait for the diagnosis.

The doctor came in and just like on television, slid the x-ray onto the board and flipped the light on, "Yup Andrew, you definitely broke it, but it was clean and they re-set it on the field. So, there is nothing more we can do. But, I wouldn't recommend playing football."

My head flew up at those words but my dad had beaten me to it. "Wait...what do you mean?" he asked.

"Andrew could do further damage to his finger if he plays with it in his current condition." The doctor looked at us both and understood. "Okay, come back on Wednesday in the afternoon and we'll see if we can devise something so you can play the last game. But until then, you are not cleared to practice with the team. Understood?"

I fell asleep in the car on the way home and dad had to wake me up. I groggily walked up to my room and like the stupid boy that I am, I signed online to check my email and low and behold, my boy had emailed me!

I'm dying here! Tell me tell me! I wanna know how you did! I was thinking about you all night. I'd ask where you were from, but I'm not sure if you'd tell me. So, I'm not gunna ask. Plus, I haven't told you either...hehe. The little devil that I am.

I was in my room watching tv, and this cute guy came on the screen...well that got me all horny so I was like, I gotta take care of this. So, I went online and found some good porn...hehe. Whoa baby! So, I started going to town and then someone knocked on my door. Haha...yeah, not as funny as it sounds.

So, I quickly pulled up, but mom had started opening the door already. I quickly hit my search key on my keyboard so a new window would open up...but she had to know what I was doing. How embarrassing!

I think I actually laughed out loud. I hit reply and sent him the best love letter of my life!

That's what I did when I read your email! I laughed out loud and started coughing! You're so funny. Only wish I could have been there...helping ya. Then you wouldn't need the porn. ;)

Anyway, about tonight -- didn't go as planned, but we still won. But, in the process, I broke my pinkie finger, so we're not sure if I'll get to play in the championship or not. I am actually playing against my friend Neal and he already called me to wish me luck. So, I just hope I get to play. He was the only team we lost to this year.

I've been thinking a lot about things lately. Having you to talk to and Kole and Neal has really helped me to accept who I am a little bit more. I mean, they are baby steps, but I kinda want to take a huge step. Idk what I even want. I just know I want someone to wrap my arms around and I'm not sure me playing football at this level will allow me to do that.

I can explain later...I just wish we could actually meet and maybe...just maybe be together. I know I would give anything to have someone to hold. Okay -- I'm getting all sappy now and I'm tired, so I best get to bed.

Walking into the school on Monday, it looked like a bomb had gone off. The school was plastered with posters and decorations. It was exciting. Everyone came up to me, congratulating me and asking about my hand. By the end of the day, I was tired of it. I just wanted to go back to being me, the quiet kid. Maybe there would be a way to do that.

Practice sucked. I thought being in the closet was bad. Try being in the closet and not being able to play. Not fun. Just standing there, helping coach, my mind wandered to Jake and how we might be able to meet.

Tuesday and Wednesday were more of the same. `Cept Wednesday I didn't have to go to practice, but the doctor instead.

It was painless, except when the doctor bent my finger. That was not funny. In fact, I swore at him. I could see the look in his eyes and I said, "Doctor, let me play. If something bad happens, it's my problem, not yours," I said...then paused, realizing what I had to do. "I have to play in this game."

The doctor sighed -- he knew. He designed a protection device for me to wear that still allowed me to grip the ball. It would take awhile to get used to, but I was going to be able to play.

Thursday's practice was my first one since the last game, and it took a little while for me to get used to throwing again, but it went well.

I stayed a little bit after with Kole to work on my timing among other things. As we were picking up the balls, I put my arm around him, "Thanks for everything man. You really are the best and it's been really fun playing with you." And with that...I trotted off ahead of him and didn't see him until Friday.

My studly quarterback with the bum finger. I hope you get to play! If you get a chance, let me know so I can cheer harder for you. I've been thinking about you all week, hoping it'd heal enough so you would get the chance to play. I've been thinking a lot about what you said in the last email.

"...I mean, they are baby steps, but I kinda want to take a huge step. idk what I even want. I just know I want someone to wrap my arms around..."

I'm not going to say what, but maybe there is a way. Just think a little bit about who you want to be and where you want to go and what will make you happy.

I think I'm a little farther than you are in some ways, even though I am younger. See, my family knows about me and is very supportive. No one at school knows yet, but someday soon I hope. My brother is really cool about it and looks out for me. My dad was disappointed, but, after a few fights, he understands that I would never choose this, but that because it is who I am, I embrace it.

Okay, I need to stop -- I'm preaching to you now and I don't want to do that. I like you too much. Anyway -- good luck, I'll be cheering silently for you!

Hmmm, could I be happy? But what would that cost? Blah -- I didn't have time to think about that now. I needed to pack and get ready for the trip tomorrow.

I slept so well it was amazing. Almost like my body knows what is coming. It's a weird feeling knowing you're getting ready to play for the championship. For those who haven't felt it, words can't describe it. It's nervousness. Excitement. But, I was ready.

We all got to school and loaded the bus. We were going to take a drive through town in sort of a good-luck parade to all the elementary and middle-schools. My brother would be out there as would hundreds of other students who dreamed of being on this bus someday. I made a point to wave at the boys, especially the ones who looked shy or alone. Maybe that's all one of them needed to keep going, having me wave at them.

The ride was uneventful and restful. I did some homework and looked over plays we were planning on running. We arrived at the hotel and got assigned our rooms. For the final time this season, I was matched up with our star senior running back, Brad. He had been a friend for a long time and someone who I'd always had fun with.

We sat and chilled in the room for a bit, watching SportsCenter then just channel surfing until I got up, "Hey man, I'm going to go check my email, I'll be back in a bit."

I walked down into the lobby and logged in, because I wanted to write Jake back. I just needed him to know that I was thinking of him and that maybe...maybe, he'd be the one to finally make me happy.

Well, this is it. This is what I have been working so long for. The hour is quickly approaching and I'm not nervous for the game at all. I'm nervous for what will happen in the next ten minutes and the next ten weeks. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt the ones I love and not be able to show them that I am human and still the same person. I want so much to be happy and I'm not sure how that can be when I don't know any gay people around me and there is no chance for a relationship.

I just wanted you to know that I really like you a lot and hope we can keep talking and maybe one day we could meet. Or at least exchange photos so I can know the stud I am talking to.

I'm ready for the game. I'm ready to hear the cheers one last time and see the fans one last time. I know you understand what I am talking about. The feel of the grass in your cleats. The smell of the air.

Okay, I am going to go up and talk to Kole now, my best friend. I have some news for him that I will tell you about next week. Please be thinking about me tomorrow.

I logged off and walked up the stairs to Kole's room. Besides coming out, this was going to be the toughest `speech' of my life.

"Yeah man, come on in." He could see the look in my voice and certainly the different tone in my voice. Immediately he put his hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes, "Spill it Andy."

"Oh paaalease. I know when something is on your mind and I already know you're gay so nothing can be as bad as that."

"Okay man, just give me a minute." I walked into his room and sat on the bed. "Okay, I've been thinking about this for awhile now and there is really no easy way to say this. So...I'm just going to say it." Kole made his way and sat opposite me on the other bed.

"Being truly happy is hard for me. Especially on a team and in a sport like ours. Playing with a fag isn't on the top of people's lists of things to do."

"Andy!" Kole shot out. "Don't fucking say fag, because that's not what you are. I have never fucking looked at you like that. No matter what happens, I'm going to stand by you."

"Thanks." I paused again. "Okay, the thing is, tomorrow will probably be our last game together."

"What I mean is that tomorrow will probably be that last time we suit up as teammates. I just can't keep playing on this team. I mean, you're my best friend and I want to keep playing with you. But in order for me to be happy, I just feel like I have to move on."

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. "Then lets go out and win a championship bro." He stood up and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm behind you 100%, whatever will make you happy."

With that out in the open, I went to bed and slept in peace for the first night in ages. Granted, I wasn't purely happy, but things were starting to move in that direction.

We got to the stadium before any of the fans, minus the ones who were tailgating. It's always fun to see the fans enjoying it. I got my game pants on and my cleats and ran to the field to do my pre-pre game warm-up. Just throwing and getting the legs warmed up. Then we went back into the locker room to finish with the shoulder pads and the pre-game speeches.

Finally it was game-time. We were introduced then came the National Anthem. I'd always loved hearing it. This time was different though. I had about a thousand thoughts running through my head and they all came back to three people: Kole, Neal and Jake. But Jake mostly. I wanted to be happy. I always wore two wristbands on my wrists over the tape that I would have put on.

For tonight's game, I wrote in black permanent marker four letters on the tape on my left wrist, "J A K E"

The game went just as we thought...well kind of. We didn't expect the offenses to move the ball like we did. By the half, the score was already 24-21 with us in the lead. We made a few adjustments to take advantage of a few things, but not much.

As we were getting ready to come out of the tunnel for the final half of my football life, Kole was standing right next to me with his arm around my shoulder. "Make it one to remember bro," he said.

The second half was a lot like the first half, except our offense sucked. By the start of the fourth quarter, the score was a lopsided 24-34. Down by ten with 15 minutes to go. It moved to being down by 13 with nine minutes to go.

But then something happened. As I ran to our huddle, I looked to the opposing sideline, I saw #9 looking at me. It was Neal. I could hardly see his eyes, but I saw something that I hadn't ever seen before. I don't know if it was concern. Hope. Desire. Fear. I couldn't put my finger on it.

Something possessed our team for the next nine minutes as our offense came to life and our defense became a brick wall. It was an impressive showing and I'm not just being a jock. I played my ass off. Getting hit around and running, all the while, playing with a broken finger.

As the game clock ticked down, we were down six, so we needed a touchdown. We were on the 42 yard line and needed a touchdown. It was the last play I might ever run so I called our last timeout and ran to the sideline.

I got the play and trotted back to the huddle. I barked our final play and as I was standing there...I looked into Kole's eyes. I could see tears welling up and I just patted him on the top of the head and smiled at him. I was so lucky to have him for a friend and I would need him in the weeks and months to come.

I got to the line and surveyed the defense...just what we wanted. I got the snap, then it all changed. It seemed to be going in slow-motion, but I saw it coming. It was a full-scale blitz from the left side, so I scrambled to the right just trying to buy me a little extra time. Then I saw it...huge numbers, 87 up the middle of the field; wide open!

Just as I was releasing the ball, someone hit me from behind and as I fell to the ground the ball was still in the air, right on target.

My body hit the ground and as I looked up, I saw Kole leaping through the air to catch the ball...

...then I saw it hit the turf with the silent thud and a roar erupted on the Jags' sideline. My last high school pass had fallen incomplete. I ran the last 20 seconds through my mind again -- what had I missed? I had my best friend open and I'll be damned if I missed him.

I lay there for a second, then sat up on my knees and looked at the scoreboard. Sure enough, underneath Mammoths read 31 and underneath Jaguars read 37. But most importantly, the clock read 0:00. It was over. I reached up and un-snapped my helmet and pulled it off and dropped it off beside me.

By that time numerous teammates had walked over and patted me on the back or the head. Now Kole was here.

He leaned down and said, "Threw that one a little hard didn't we? I know I'm fast, but shit man," he laughed. Then he grabbed my underneath my shoulder pads and picked me up so I was standing -- and he gave me a hug, right in front of everyone. I hugged back.

As is tradition with high school football, we slowly started to form two lines to shake hands. Aside from my pre-game tradition of meeting the other quarterback, this was my second favorite.

There were a lot of `nice games' and `congrats', but I mean, what the hell are we all supposed to say together. Some of us were friends so there were some pauses and small conversations in the line.

When Neal and I met, I put out my hand for him to shake, but he just wrapped his arms around me, one on my back, the other behind my head as he leaned in to whisper into my ear.

"Andy, you played one hell of a game. You're a great player and a great guy. Don't ever forget that." He pulled away and said, "Stay in touch." And just like that, he was gone.

Next in line, go figure, was his younger brother who was set to be the starter the next season; starting as a sophomore just like I had this season.

I did just like his brother did to me and wrapped my arms around him, "Hey man, good luck next year -- you've got some big shoes to fill."

He just laughed, "Yeah, I suppose I do now since you didn't beat us. Hey, maybe we could work out this off-season -- help each other out?"

I slowly took off my gear and packed my bags. It was finished. But somehow I was smiling. Smiling for the chance to be happy. `Somehow.' I promised myself. As the team was loading the bus, I told coach I'd be right back.

I found myself back on the field...at midfield, just looking around. I had tears coming out of my ears when Kole came up from behind and put an arm around my shoulder.

"Hey man, nice game tonight...you really played your heart out and that's something you'll never forget."

"No I won't. Kole, thanks for being the best friend I could ever ask for. I don't know where I'd be without you."

And just like that, I walked away from the only game I had ever known, into a world I was unsure of where I would end up...but we both knew it was right.

Summary: This was a touch chapter to write (partly because I had to write it twice...hehe.) But seriously, Andy has made a huge decision and not everyone will be happy with it. How will his dad react and then how will his friends and family react when he tells them HOW he can be happy with his life. So many things to think about. Plus, there is New Year's coming up. Who the hell can he kiss? Maybe Vanessa can in fact get him going in that `department.'

Personal Note: Well, again -- sorry for the delay. I hope to never have to re-write a chapter again! That sucked. Anyway, I'm now down with school and just looking for a job. So, if any of you know of anything within PR, Marketing, Communication or Sports...please email me! Hehe...Seriously though, I could use all the help I can get. Until next time, I love you all

Feel free to email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com and I'm doing my best to reply as quickly as I can...but know that I do read EVERY email that is sent to me and I take them all to heart. I love you guys!