In Pain

All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, names, places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a pure coincidence.

This is a love story and at this time, limited sexual activity, but that will change with time.

This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he retains full publication rights. Please email me to post it on a site other than Nifty. Email me at: andygaywriter@yahoo.com. Thanks! You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16

The final two weeks of the semester following the championship loss were a whirlwind. I didn't have much time for my friends because I had let my school work slip because football needed more attention.

Jake had written me once, but I hadn't had the time to write him back. I felt bad, but I needed to really focus on my school work. Especially with me being done with football all together, I would need to actually work on school more because sports wouldn't be my ticket to college. I still hadn't told anyone about my decision to leave the team, but I was thinking I would meet with coach after the first of the year to tell him my plan.

I finished my last test and walked out to my car and headed home for a much needed break from the world. Eleven days of just me and anything I wanted. The first thing I wanted was to email Jake.

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to write back. I never meant for it to take me this long, but with football, I didn't spend much time on school work the last month, so I was a little behind and needed to dedicate myself hardcore to getting good grades this semester. Luckily, I feel like it has paid off. Guess we'll have to wait to see. But now, I'm on break and can email you 10 times a day!

Okay, just to make it short and sweet...we lost the game. I had a chance to win it at the end, but I overthrew Kole. I can't believe I did either! I've watched the play about a hundred times and I still don't understand how I missed him. Oh well, it's over...in more ways than one.

That leads me to my next topic...being happy. Your last few emails have touched on how I can become happy. I took a step in that direction two weeks ago. The night before the championship game, I decided it was my last. I sat down with Kole and told him that I was no longer going to play football after the championship game. I needed to work on my own life...and not football. Surprisingly, he was okay with it and has been nothing but supportive. I must be the luckiest person around.

So, I hope we can get to know each other a lot more over this break so that maybe...just maybe we can both be happy as you say.

Hehe...now we are even for the delays in emailing each other...but lets not make it a habit for either of us. I missed hearing from you. I started break today as well and I'm excited to just relax and chill with my brother. I only have a few more months with him, so I'm trying to enjoy any time we get to spend together.

He's really been my rock over the last year when I came out to my parents last February. I can tell ya the story later if you want. But I'm still in their house, so that kinda tells ya how it went.

I too hope we can talk all the time over break. I would really like to get to know you more. I have a feeling we'd get along great in person if only there was a way we could. Oh well, maybe we can work something out. ;)

Well, I am going to go eat some dinner...tonight mom made this German chicken thingy...I have no idea, but it smells grand! Talk with you later,

I just smiled. I really liked this guy and he liked me. I hit reply and decided I was going to make sure he was mine.

Well, I've come to the conclusion that I really like you. What can we do about that? I could give you my instant messenger name, that way it'd be easier for us to chat sometimes. That might help us get to know each other a little better.

Tonight I think I'm gunna have Kole over...not sure yet though. I think my brother Mike is also having a bunch of friends over, so maybe we'll just bug the hell out of them. We'll see. I just bought the movie "40 year-old virgin"...hehe, I loved it in the theater, so I thought I should buy it.

Okay, well -- Kole is calling now, so I'm going to end this here...hope you enjoyed your chicken thing.

"Nah, I think we should be at your house, since we're having New Year's at my place. It took four weeks for me to convince them to let me have that. I'm not going to push my luck tonight."

"Alright...yeah, we wouldn't want to screw that up. Why don't you just come over whenever you want. We'll order a pizza."

"Alright, sounds good Andy, I'll be over in a bit. Don't be looking at porn when I come in."

Kole could just be too funny at times. I left my room to go talk with Mike real quick.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey, I just wanted to make sure it was okay that Kole came over tonight..." I asked.

I walked back to my room and just crashed on my bed...thinking about the last few months.

I had almost committed suicide, came out to Kole, had a fight with my family, came out to Neal, got into a fight, posted a profile online, broken my pinkie, decided to quit playing football and lost the championship.

It had been a crazy semester and I was hoping that more good things would happen in the spring. But challenges were there as well. I had to tell people that I was done with football, I wanted to somehow find a boyfriend and I needed to start focusing more on my academics.

Kole didn't take long to get to my house and by that time, I had already ordered the pizza and was watching a television on my bed.

He just walked in like he usually did and sat down at my computer and started surfing around.

"I have no idea. Watch a movie, talk about your love life, go work out...anything ya want man."

"oh yah, me -- the gay loser quarterback, and you -- the guy who can't catch a pass when he is wide open." I laughed and without flinching, Kole grabbed my stuffed snake that sits on my computer desk and threw it at me.

We both doubled over in laughter until my computer told me someone had sent me an email.

Yeah, the dinner was amazing! I hope one day you can taste it. Wait -- I take that back...don't read into that. Seriously...I didn't mean it. Well hell, I could go back and delete it, but something inside me wants you to actually see how I feel. It's weird. You're the first person I've ever emailed that I liked and so far, the only one. I hope it stays that way.

So, did Kole come over? What are you guys going to do? I'm pretty bored tonight. Most of my friends are going out drinking, so I don't want to join them. My brother is sick so he isn't going out either. I think we're just going to watch a movie unless you want to chat. My messenger name is XoXjakeyXoX if you want to message me sometime over break. You might be surprised at what you can learn about me...hehe...

Not sure what else to say... Here's a question for you. What would you say if I said there was a way we could meet? I mean in real life?

XoXjakeyXoX: Oh hey! I was hoping you'd send me a message sometime. Just didn't think it'd be tonight!

Express958: Yeah he is. He read the email and said I should say hi. So, that's what I'm doing.

Express958: Kole says you're welcome. He also says you better turn out to be like the cutest boy on the planet.

XoXjakeyXoX: No kidding. They can't do anything for me! But anyway, I'm getting off subject here. I just can't believe you actually IMed me! Andrew -- seriously, you have just made my night!

XoXjakeyXoX: Yeah, I mean...I've never had a bf and so far, you're as close as I have come. I've really enjoyed sending you emails and such. I just hope we can meet someday.

Just then, another IM box popped up, this time from Neal. I hadn't spoken with him at all since he hugged me on the field after he beat me for the championship.

Qbstud9: hey man, haven't talked to you in a long time. What's up? How's the finger?

Express958: Oh, things aren't going too bad. Finger is healing nicely. Nothing with contact for like two months though. But, that's okay. I could use the time off.

Qbstud9: Mind if I ask how you are feeling now that it's been two weeks since you lost?

Express958: Haha...fine! Rub it in! Seriously man, I'm over it. I did the best I could and at least I lost to a quality team and player like you. Seriously, it was a great game and I'll never forget it.

Qbstud9: That's awesome man. If you need anything next season -- or here in the off-season, let me know.

Express958: Well, I decided before the game, that it was gunna be my last. I can't keep playing anymore. Don't get me wrong -- I love playing football and some of my best memories are of football, but continuing to play is going to hurt my chances of being happy in my personal life and right now, that's more important. But, please don't go telling anyone, because only Kole knows right now, k?

Qbstud9: Awesome -- sounds great. Oh wait! I forgot to ask you how that email boy was treating ya?

Express958: Oh man! He's great! He's just like, idk how to put it into words. He always puts a smile on my face. I don't know man. I bet it's the same for you and your girlfriend.

Qbstud9: J I hope it all works out for you. I'm pulling for ya. Talk with ya later.

Express958: Okay, you never told me where you live? Or shown me a picture. What made you email me -- above everyone else who had a profile?

XoXjakeyXoX: Well -- I don't wanna tell you too much yet...cause I think we're still getting to know each other, but we do live close enough to be able to find a way to meet if we both feel like we should. I feel like I am pushing that issue.

Express958: Oh, don't worry about that. I like the idea that you like me that much to even think of me in that way.

Express958: I like how confident you are. You just seem so much stronger than I am and I like that. I need that.

Express958: Well man, that's hard to say. I hope you like what I type. I would say his best quality is that when he finds something he believes or loves, he won't let it go. His worst quality is probably his low self-esteem. He'll probably kill me for that, but it's true. He just has trouble seeing how amazing he is. I hope you or someone will see that soon.

XoXjakeyXoX: Kole -- Andrew is lucky to have a friend like you. Thanks for the information.

Express958: This is Andrew again. I am so lucky to have Kole -- you have no idea. And I would say everything he said is true... L

XoXjakeyXoX: Okay. I appreciate it. Andrew, I hope you believe me when I say my next line and know that I don't ever want to lie to you. You already mean a lot to me.

XoXjakeyXoX: Well, I really do want to meet you, but I only want to do it when you are absolutely ready. I don't want to ruin what we have started. So, I won't push you anymore, but when you're ready, tell me, cause my brother's car is already running.

XoXjakeyXoX: I mean it. Wow -- this is going to make me sound obsessed, but I tell my brother everything...er, almost everything. But he knows about you.

XoXjakeyXoX: No no no...don't' take it like that. I told him about `you' not shit like who you are or things like that. But, I don't keep anything from him Andrew. He's my best friend.

Express958: Okay -- I can understand that, but please don't blow my cover man. That's something I could never forgive.

Express958: I'm sorry to jump on you like that, but we're different in that way. You're out and I'm not and I'm not ready to be.

And just like that, the conversation was over. But -- deep inside, I felt like chatting wasn't the best idea. I felt like I had ruined something by the way I had jumped on him.

There was just no way I was ready...at least I didn't think so. I felt like he was pushing me to a place I wasn't ready to go. But at the same time, I had quit the football team for this very chance.

Summary: It was mostly a chapter of chats and emails between Andy/Jake and Andy/Neal. I wanted it that way because it has really set the stage for an eye-popping season finale for New Year's. Remember, Kole is hosting a party and look for a lot of fireworks to happen. Andy's been through a lot and he's got two great friends in Neal and Kole. But will one of them blow his cover...has one already done it? Jake is starting to get pushy and Andy just jumped all over this sensitive young guy who keeps going out on a limb for a guy he really likes. Will meeting in person even be possible? One Final Chapter for the season -- then it's at least a few weeks off! The final chapter should be released around New Year's...so, Merry Christmas everyone!

Personal Note: I'm at my parents' house now for Christmas...so, emailing you all back will be slow...but I will catch up once I get back to my apartment. Thanks for them all though. I'm excited to see Nick and AJ over break...they are my rocks that keep me going. Anyway...take care everyone! Oh...and just a side note -- I just got hired for my first real job!!!!

Feel free to email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com and I'm doing my best to reply as quickly as I can...but know that I do read EVERY email that is sent to me and I take them all to heart. I love you guys!