In Pain

All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, names, places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a pure coincidence.

This is a love story and at this time, limited sexual activity, but that will change with time.

This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he retains full publication rights. Please email me to post it on a site other than Nifty. Email me at: andygaywriter@yahoo.com. Thanks! You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16

Andrew Godfrey, the son of all-American parents is a sophomore and the star quarterback on the varsity football team. But he has a problem. A big one. He's gay and is just starting to realize it. After the first game of the season, a loss; Andy decided he couldn't live anymore and decides to commit suicide. But his life-long best friend, Kole knew something was wrong and found Andy just in time. In the next 12 hours, Kole would learn about Andy's sexual preference and promised he'd always be there for his best friend. For the next week, Andy dealt with a ton of emotional stress and lashed out at his family and friends. But through it all, he managed to keep playing football. Andy then decided he needed to find someone to talk to about being gay and finds friends at some gay support websites. But in the process, he accidentally came out to Neal Howell, an opposing quarterback, who is surprisingly supportive. Almost too supportive. But then, Andy couldn't take the conservative bigotry anymore. During a classroom discussion, Andy lunged after a `friend' and was suspended from the football team. That night, he found out his dad's true feelings on gay people and falls further into his shell. This suspension begins the emotional spiral towards the championship game. All the while, Andy is starting to have feelings for his friend Kole and after the homecoming dance where he takes Vanessa in a straight/gay lie, he tells Kole of how he feels. Kole obviously can't reciprocate but keeps Andy close, never letting go, giving Andy his first male kiss. By now, Andy has posted a profile on xy.com and has gotten a response from the high school freshman, Jake. For the next few weeks, they email each other, becoming friends. He still talks to Kole and Neal about his `problems' and is getting better at handling his gay feelings. During the semi-final game, Andy breaks his finger and is scared he won't be able to play in the biggest game of his life. But somehow he feels okay about it. He knows why though. The boy Jake just makes him feel like he can be himself and be happy. Andy knows how to set himself free and he takes the first step by telling Kole the night before the championship game that he is done playing football. Following a loss to Neal's team in the championship, Andy chats online with both Neal and Jake and the first cracks in the relationship with Jake begin to appear. What will finally make Andy happy and at what cost?

I arrived at `The Cocoa Bean' a little early, just as usual. Somehow I've never been able to time things out...but, at least I wasn't late. Christmas had gone well...it always does. I had gotten some great gifts. From my parents I got a lot of clothes (as usual), but also my gym membership, magazine subscription, an iPod nano and this necklace I'd wanted for a long time. Mike got me a few workout shirts that I love. Anything to make me look hot.

Kole and I had also exchanged gifts. I had a hard time shopping for him. What do you buy your best friend? I thought long a hard and I found the perfect gift. It was this wall clock that you could put a picture behind the hands and it lit up behind it. I picked a picture of he and I on the golf course, just two friends having a good time. I also wrote him the longest letter of my life, just thanking him for being the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He was crying by the end of it...just like me.

He had gotten me I think the most perfect gift anyone could. He bought me a book about being a gay teenager as well as this bracelet made in

Mexico

. It was wooden beads of different types of wood.

Now it was December 27^th and I was at `The Cocoa Bean' waiting for Neal to arrive for a cup `o joe.

I laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Mine was too. He and his girlfriend are going to spend the whole day together, so he was getting all dressed up. Makes me laugh."

"You're about the millionth person in the last four days to ask me that question," Neal said

"Yah know, I'm not really sure. I've applied to a few schools and a few are looking to sign me. I'm not sure what I want to do yet."

"The Gophers, the Illini, the Panthers, the Bulldogs and the Hawkeyes are even interested."

"Oh, I don't know Andy. I mean, I love football and winning the championship was sweet. What do you think I should do?"

"I don't know you that well, but I know football and I think you should keep playing."

We talked some more about school, our families, our football memories; good and bad. It was nice to get to know Neal on a more personal level. I only wished we'd done this sooner. He was a good guy who knew how to make someone comfortable.

I could feel myself starting to blush. "I don't know. It's hard to explain. He's just so nice. He makes me laugh all the time. We just started IMing each other and that's been a lot of fun. The only thing is, he keeps pushing me to meet someday. Once I do that, I'm basically out. I mean, telling Kole and you is one thing...I mean, this whole thing could blow up in my face."

Neal just sat there nodding his head. "I know what you're saying. But I also know what it's like to be happy. I know how I feel when I get together with Kelly. I just hope you can feel that someday. I'm not saying it will be Jake, but you owe it to yourself to try to be happy."

"Look, I'm not pushing you to do it or to come out to everyone. I'm just asking you to not close the door before you even see what's behind it. I know this is all confusing. It is for the person I know too. The only thing is, his family knows and is supportive. That said, I know Kole would take care of you if anything bad would happen and I know my family would too if you needed anything."

"Thanks -- that means a lot," I mustered out. "I'm just so lost as to what to do."

"Hey, I'm always here for you if you need it. I know I can't relate to a lot of what you're going through. But, I'm here nonetheless."

We talked a little bit more about sports and how we both hate the Yankees, how the Colts just lost to the Chargers and how we both hate the BCS system.

"Oh," Neal piped up, "I meant to ask if it'd be okay if my brother came to Kole's party too. I can't stay the whole night cause I have to go to one of Kelly's friends' party, but I told you I'd come by but he wondered if he could join?"

"Yeah, I don't see a problem with that," I said. "I'd be cool to get to know him more anyway. He asked after the game if I'd wanna work-out with him this off-season so yeah...bring him."

"Great, he'll be excited." He looked at his watch, "Hey man, I'm sorry, but I gotta go meet with some recruiters to `help' me make my college decision."

I stood up to say goodbye, but he wrapped his arms around me. "Merry Christmas Andy."

"Don't mention it." He walked out he door and I followed him and we both got into our cars and drove off. I got home and decided I wanted to go for a run to clear my head a little bit.

It was nice to just run through the biting air, the way it stings your cheeks and makes your lungs that much tighter. I thought a lot about the last few months and how far I'd come as a person and how much further I had to go. I wanted to take giant steps -- not this baby shit. But I knew I wasn't ready for the challenges that would bring. Not yet anyway. I was slowly building my support network, but I needed a little bit more. I kinda needed a push. It seemed like Neal was going to be that push I needed, but when? I was also trying to devise a way to tell my dad about football. He was going to go nuts. Maybe I should tell him I was gay at the same time. Boy, that might even kill him. Okay, so I have a little devil in me.

I spent all of New Year's Eve at Kole's, getting the house ready for the party. We had a solid mix of guys and girls coming; Vanessa included. She and I had continued to grow as friends since homecoming and I think she wanted to start becoming closer, but I needed to find a way to not let that happen and yet still appear straight at the same time.

We talked about the next semester. How football was going to be different. Jake. His girlfriend. My lack of a boyfriend and when I might be able to have one.

I laughed. "Oh, I don't know," I lied. Kole just looked at me. "I guess if I had to pick a few, Zach Bothess is pretty cute. Nick, the freshman safety is cute too. I don't know man. I mean, I find a lot of guys hot. Just wish I could have one."

Then we again sat watching football in silence until our guests started to arrive around seven.

We had some kick ass music going. We started the night with some Killers, then we moved on to some country, Green Day, Guster, the Darkness and Journey. Kole and I had put together to musical arrangement for the night. We even mixed in some sappy songs; mostly for me.

We both mingled the crowd. Catching up with people after two weeks away and just talking about life. It was fun and relaxed and exactly what I needed.

I been talking for about two hours with people when I decided I wanted to go check my email. I went to Kole's room and signed on.

Qbstud9: Totally man. We're still getting ready. Well, should I say my brother is still getting ready. I already told you about him. He's always making me late. J

Qbstud9: Not as half as excited as he is. Hey, it's still okay that I bring him right?

Express958: Yeah, no big deal man. It'll be cool to get to know him. If he's half as cool as you, he'll fit right in.

Qbstud9: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you we're still coming, just running late.

Just sending the email to wish you a happy new year! I hope 2006 brings you everything you could ever dream up and much much more. I know that's how 2005 was for me. It was scary, but now looking back on it, probably one of the best years of my life. It hasn't all been rosy, but I know I am a much better person because of the things that have happened.

I know for me personally, some challenging things are coming up in the next year, but I feel like I'm ready for them. I've been getting ready to take this step for a long time and the last ten months have really helped. I can explain all that later. Tonight is not the night for that.

I'm actually getting ready to go to a party for new year's. I'm excited for it. There will obviously be some good looking guys there (`cept they'll be all over the girls), but I can dream right? There is this one guy that I like, so I hope to at least be able to talk to him.

I'm happy to hear from you. I too wish you a great 2006. As I look back on my 2005, I realize just how fucked up it really has been. Especially the last four months. If you had told me in August that I would have come out to two people, started emailing a stranger, gotten in a fight and gone on a date with a girl, I would have told you you're crazy. But it all happened. And I can look back with pride to know I did it all.

It wasn't always easy. Telling Kole I was gay was so hard, I don't ever wanna do that again. Just seeing the hurt in his eyes that I hadn't told him before -- I don't ever want to see that again. I mean, I love the guy so much and he's done so much for me, including save my life, but straight people can never understand why we hold it in for so long. I'm glad he found out though. It's helped immensely. I had wanted for so long to tell him, but it just never felt right. When do you tell your best friend, someone you would die for, that you're gay and that you've known for awhile? I'll never have an answer for him as to why I waited. He wants one and I've tried giving it to him.

I can say I was scared and then he thinks it's his fault I was. It's not and you and I both know it. I try to tell him he's the best friend I'll ever have and he's my hero, but I don't think he believes it. Maybe he's still hurt I held it from him. I'm not sure. I hope that's not it. All I know and will ever know is how much he's meant to me and I just hope he realizes that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. He's just one of those guys. He's going to touch so many lives one day...he already has...and just doesn't know it. I think he and I are same in that respect...we just like to live quietly and help people and when one project is done, we move right on to the next. That's why I am so honored to have him as a friend I suppose.

Sorry about going off there...I just needed to say that stuff. Anyway, onto my `theme' for this email. "Promises and Challenges" That's what 2006 will be. I promise to you to be open and honest and a friend. I hope you can offer me the same. The challenges I face in 2006 will be coming out to more people, my family and school. And with you, Kole and Neal with me, I know I can meet those challenges.

So, with that, I am going to go back to my party. I hope you enjoyed yours and I wish you nothing but happiness in 2006.

By the time I had finished the email, it had been 20 minutes, so I headed back to the party. By now it was 9:45 and the party was pretty packed.

Neal and his brother arrived to some weird looks from my fans. In fact it gotta eerily silent so I spoke up. "Hey, this is Neal Howell...yeah he's from our rivals, but he's a friend of mine, so make him and his brother feel welcome."

I walked them to the back room that was a little quieter and we sat and talked for a good half-hour before I realized that Neal hadn't even introduced me to his brother.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry you guys. Andrew -- this is my brother Jacob, Jacob this is Andrew." We stood up and shook hands and that was that.

"Well, I should probably be going otherwise Kelly will think I've got a new girlfriend and we don't wanna open that bag of shit."

Both Jacob and I laughed. "Thanks for coming man." We shook and did the half-hug.

"Alright guys, I'll see ya later." Just like that Neal was gone and I was left with his little brother.

I motioned for him to follow me so I could mingle with some more of the guests. I felt bad for him because his brother had kinda just ditched him here and he only knew me, but he didn't seem to mind.

I'd managed to avoid her for the whole night, but I had finally found Vanessa. She ran up to me like I was her lost puppy and threw her arms around me.

"Andy!!!" she shrieked. "Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!"

"Oh, I've just been in the back room talking with people. Sorry I haven't talked to you all night."

"Well that's okay. Now I have you." She was already ignoring Jacob and that wasn't cool with me.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything. That bothered me just a bit.

Yeah, I had to talk with the crazy woman for 45 minutes before I was able to get away. And even then it was because I had promised her I would find her at midnight.

"Oh, just around...talking to people. Sorry I haven't been able to hang out with ya more."

"No kidding." We talked a little bit more, then Kole did what I had done nearly two hours earlier.

"Oh damn," I said. "I'm sorry. Now I feel like the ass. Kole, this is Jake; he's Neal's brother."

Kole extended his hand and Jake met him half-way. "It's nice to meet you Jake." Then he paused his handshake. "Wait a second. You said your name was Jake? As in...wait..."

Jake's demeanor changed immediately and I think Kole noticed it too. But it was too late. Jake broke free of the handshake and quickly got out of the front door.

Before I could realize what had happened, Vanessa came back up to me, "It's almost time. Come on."

She grabbed my hand and I tried to get away and find Jake. Something wasn't right and I needed to find him and find out what was going on.

We went into the big group of people gathered around the television and the glorious ball finally started to drop. I just wanted this party to be over. At least this moment, so I could go find Jake. It was torture watching the numbers change. It seemed as though they were going in slow motion. 27...26...25...

My eyes turned to the front door that was opening with Jake first, then Kole. My best friend had gone after him. He led him up to his room, then came back down just in time. 5...4...3...2...1...

"Vanessa, I have to go talk to Kole, okay? It's really important. I'll find ya later okay?" I could see the hurt in her eyes like I had just killed her brand new puppy. It killed me to lead her on like this. She didn't deserve it. I needed to tell her soon so I could end this shit from getting any further.

"You don't get it?" I stared back at him blankly. "Andy, Jake is in my room right now. I brought him back because I realized something. I got it."

I still stood there just dumbfounded. "I'm lost man...you gotta help me out here."

"No way!" I shouted. "Dude, how could you even think that? He's not the `Jake.'"

I stood there. Motionless and dumbfounded. "Andy, up in my room there is a young man who is scared just like you. We talked outside. Trust me Andy. It's him."

How he knew we lived close, how Neal was always talking him up and wanting to bring him over tonight. Damn! That's why Neal was supportive. No way! He had probably told Jake about my profile...that's how he found me. It was all starting to make sense.

I just hugged Kole and walked through the crowd of people still enjoying the New Year.

I stood outside Kole's bedroom door; a door I had entered hundreds of times before. But never before was my entrance as unpredictable as this one was going to be. I wiped the tear from my eye, reached for the door-knob and slowly turned and opened the door to a whole new world.

Summary: It's been a long year for our boys Kole and Andy and things are still changing.

Season 2 Preview: First we have to find out the story behind the door. Then it's the whole new world and who knows where it will lead. Andy has to tell his dad about football and he still wants to be happy and now he might have found a way. School will become Andy's focus as will being involved with clubs, but which ones? There will be tears and arguing and a kiss for all time. Stay tuned for an unpredictable Season 2 of In Pain : A Whole New World. Chapter 13 : A Kiss.

Personal Note: Again, thanks for being faithful readers of this story that I have had so much fun in creating. I'm excited to continue but I have to warn you, Season 2 probably won't begin until February. It's just I want to get a few chapters going and with starting the new job, I really need to focus on that. I will keep writing, so please keep checking back for updates. I'm going to take a week off to block season 2, so please be patient. Have a Happy New Year everyone!

Feel free to email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com and I'm doing my best to reply as quickly as I can...but know that I do read EVERY email that is sent to me and I take them all to heart. I love you guys!