Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005 17:35:34 -0700 (PDT) From: Richard Mark Subject: In Pain: In Pain Chapter 4 WARNING! To qualify to read this story, you must be of legal age and allowed by the jurisdiction or jurisdictions that govern you to read sexually explicit homosexual material. If you do not qualify, you must exit and seek other material. You have been warned. Thank you for cooperating and being fair to others. All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, names, places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a pure coincidence. This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he retains full publication rights. Please email me to post it on a site other than Nifty. Email me at: andygaywriter@yahoo.com. Thanks! Chapter 4 : .being gay and all I came home from practice and the music was blasting from every orifice of our house. It was one of my favorite groups, but lately, they have been on my nerves. It was Green Day and their song, "Holiday." I absolutely loved it. Not only does it have a good rhythm, but it also sings about a lot of disenchantment, like I have because I'm.well.gay. But in the song, they use the word `fag.' And it just makes me cringe. Well, it wasn't because of the song that I went to turn the stereo off, it's because it was entirely too loud, even for Green Day. "What the hell did you turn it off for?" I heard Mike yell. "Mike, where the hell are you?" I screamed. "Up in my room shit head," he yelled back. That really pissed me off. My brother had no right to talk to me like that. I decided I was going to show him what was up. "Mike, what the hell man?!" "What's your problem? Get sacked one too many times in practice today? You're such a prick sometimes." "Dude, what's the matter with you? Be like me? Screw that - I'd never talk to you like this." With that, I walked out the door and into my own room. I sat down at my computer contemplating why Mike had spoken to me the way he had. He had never done so in the past. It was a Monday night so my parents had volleyball until at least eight, so I knew I had some time to just waste. I laid down on my bed to think about the day and to think over my brother. I also thought about homecoming which was rapidly approaching. I wasn't even sure who to ask. But Kole was getting a little restless about me and he'd said so today at practice. Not in so many words, but he brought it up to the whole team about who they were asking and kinda put me on the spot. I just laughed it off best I could, but to be honest, I hadn't even thought about who to ask until that moment. How sad is that? After thinking on everything in my life, I decided it was time to learn about who I really was. I got off my bed and logged onto my computer and went to Google. I didn't even know what to type in. So, I just typed in `gay' and looked at the results. Yah, not really what I was looking for. Don't get me wrong, I was attracted to men, but not at the moment. I just wanted to learn about this lifestyle that I was going to have to live. I tried another, `gay kids'. That got me some interesting results as well and I surfed around on those sites for a bit. Then I went back and typed in `gay teenagers'. This is what I was looking for. I clicked on a few sites, just reading about people my own age who were going through the same rollercoaster. Then one of the sites had a `coming out' section and I clicked on it. I read about the steps to go through to come out. I had followed a lot of the `rules' for the friends when I had told Kole, even without studying! First time in my life that had ever happened. I read about the parents even though I had no intention of telling them at the moment. Then I found a site called chadzboyz and the description sounded interesting so I clicked it. The site was cool and really designed for my age group. How I got to the pictures section, I'll never know, but I found myself clicking as fast as I could through the pictures of boys kissing. Damn - they were totally hot pictures. I had never seen anything like it before in my life. I was almost too engrossed in the pictures to hear the knock on my door. Shit! "Yeah?" I asked as I click the `X' as fast as I could. "It's me.can I come in?" "Whatever." Mike walked in and sat on my bed as I turned around in my chair to look at him. "Well?" I asked. "I just wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you earlier. You were right in that you'd never speak to me that way. So, I'm sorry." "You're damn right you're sorry. Don't ever do it again Mike. It really hurt." "Promise." Mike looked past my eyes towards my computer screen. I could see a change in his eyes.so I turned to see what he was looking at. My eyes barely caught a glimpse of the screen and my stomach literally hit the floor and the blood in my face with it. What do I say? What can I say? Shit, I need to say something.this is really bad. "What?" I asked as casual as I could. Mike was pretty speechless. "You thinking of coming out?" he asked sarcastically. Here was my chance. I could do it. "No, am I supposed to?" I asked in the same manner. "haha, only if you need to," he said still laughing. "Nah, I'm just doing research for class." "Really? Kind of a weird area isn't it?" "I guess, but it's actually kind of interesting." "Whatever bro," Mike said getting off my bed. "I have homework to do, I just wanted to apologize." "Thanks, but like I said, don't let it happen again." * * * * * Express958: Hey Kole.got a minute? Wideopen87: Sure.what up? Express958: Mike caught me at a gay website tonight. Wideopen87: Holyshit! wtf man? Express958: What do you mean? Wideopen87: I mean like.wow. Idk what to say. That's huge. What'd he say? Did he beat you up or say anything? Express958: oh god no I just told him it was for class.thank god I can think on my toes otherwise I woulda been screwed Wideopen87: no kiddin Express958: I was just wonderin if you had any advice for a crazy kid here? Wideopen87: Well, how do you think he took the whole `gay' thing? Express958: idk Wideopen87: bro, you know your brother better than anyone. If you want to tell him, tell him. But be sure he's gunna be on your side, cause you don't want to deal with your parents or the school right now man. Just be smart and only do it when your ready, k? Express958: yeah, you're right. How did you get so smart in this? Wideopen87: idk ;) Express958: whatever - you're so weird. Anyway, I gotta get to some homework. Thanks man.see ya tomorrow morning. Wideopen87: I'm always here for ya, you know that. * * * * * I got back online and did some more searching, finding various sites about gay teenagers and different groups they belong to. I even found a site that had kids as young as me that would answer your questions. In fact, tonight was one of their live chat nights. I guess now was as good a time as any and I logged in under my favorite chatting name "RODdick". RODdick: Hey guys, what's up? Bluey17: Oh, nothing much. Just helping all you gay bois out there tonight. What about you? RODdick: just seeing what's out here in the.gay world. G8tONE: roddick- are you a first-timer here? If you don't mind me asking. RODdick: yeah, I am. ---Just then a box popped up onto my screen and it appeared to be a private chat box. G8tONE: you don't mind talking to just me do ya? If so, I understand.but this might be easier for you. RODdick: nah, it's ok. I appreciate it. G8tONE: Is there anything I can help you with? RODdick: idk dude, im really new to all of this. I just kinda figured out about myself. And I told my best friend this weekend. G8tONE: Whoa dude! That's awesome. How'd he take it? RODdick: better than I did. I was getting ready to.don't hate me.but I was getting ready to kill myself. But, he was worried and came over and found my note. I kinda had to tell him then. G8tONE: Well, I'm glad he did! ::HUG:: RODdick: Thanks! G8tONE: It's what I'm here for. Wanna tell me about yourself? RODdick: I'm 16, the starting quarterback and go to school with a bunch of gay-bashers. G8tONE: I know how you feel. I'm 17 now and a senior in high school. In fact, I'm the captain of our hockey team this year. It wasn't until they realized they were playing with a gay teammate that they began to understand me and themselves even better. It was rough for awhile, but now, I couldn't be happier. RODdick: wow - I am envious! I wish I could do that. G8tONE: It'll come dude. Don't rush it. ---The conversation continued and Andy looked at the clock and about freaked out when he saw he had been chatting for over two hours! I really needed to eat and do some homework. RODdick: Dude, I'm sorry but I gotta go! Being the star and all, I have to keep working at my grades. Hehe. G8tONE: Oh dude - no biggie. I'm glad you could make it tonight. I'd love to see you back soon. Here is my email address if you ever need to talk, k? G8tONE@hockey- zone.com. I was definitely feeling better after the long chat with the hockey player.whose name I didn't ask for. I did plan on emailing him later to get to know him a little better and maybe get some more help for my situation. * * * * * The week progresses just like any other. Mike and I were back to our dinner-table antics. I was spending more time on the field and in the office watching tape. We had to win this week. No question. Friday came and we were on the road. We were going against a team that hadn't won a game in like two years, but we still had to be ready. I continued my tradition of meeting the opposing quarterback before the game. This one didn't go as well.we just shook hands and wished each other luck. Nothing special. The game was a back and forth defensive battle. Not what we had expected. Our running game was going no where and their defense knew it. I don't think I've ever been on my back as much as I was during that first half. Going into half-time we were tied 6-6. Before I even got into the locker room I was yelling. "God damnit you guys.we're playing like shit." Coach heard me and yelled, "Godfrey! Shut it!" Wow - he was pissed. We all got in and I took my shoulder pads off to get some air and to be able to eat and relax for a few minutes. Coach yelled at us for a little bit then I stood up as one of the captains. "Hey, we have to pick it up out there." I looked at my offensive line, "I need you guys especially to pick up your games. I'm getting my ass kicked out there and I can't do my job if I'm on the ground every 35 seconds. Defense, you guys gotta tackle and get us the ball back. If we do that, we're gunna win. We're better than this guys. Let's get it done!" Apparently I'm not going to get the grade in motivational speaking. We went out at the start of the third quarter totally flat. I think I was sacked about 50 times. I was more like 10, but that's a ton. We ended the third down by a score of 14-6. As the fourth quarter got underway, I was sitting on the bench and thinking of everything that had happened in the last week. I had lost my game last week, about committed suicide, cried in the arms of my best friend, came out to my best friend, blew up at my family and yet.here I was, on the sideline, playing the game I loved with my friends in the stands cheering me on. I had to go out there and leave it all on the field. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this. I need to prove I am worthy of something.of someone. We got the ball and it was a quick three and out. Defense played great and we got the ball right back. Another three and out. Again, the defense played great and the offense was given our last chance. There was 3:14 remaining in the game and we were down by 8. We ran a couple of quick pass plays just to get the chains moving and within a minute, we were at midfield. We called a deep pass play designed to go to Kole, but when I got to the line of scrimmage, I noticed they were lined up on the wrong side of the field. I motioned for them to come to me.and I took a quick peak at the defense and told them to flip their routes.I needed the defense to stay the same way. The long ball would now belong to our senior receiver, Taylor. I dropped back and the defense did exactly like they were designed to do - in my head that is. They made a mistake. The safety bit on Kole's crossing route which left Taylor wide open up the seem and I threw a bomb to him. When it landed in his hands, the safety wrapped his arms around him and pulled him to the ground at the six. We all ran down the field to spike the ball and try to score a touchdown. We ran a play-action pass on first down and I threw it away. I ran to the sideline and told coach, "Let's run it.they will never expect it." He looked at me in the eye and said, "Andy - I think you're right," and he called the play. I must be smart or something because the play worked! James ran right up the middle for a touchdown. We were going to go for two. I got under center.got the ball and faked the handoff to James.spun around.and took off for the end-zone on a naked bootleg. I couldn't believe it.but I walked in scott-free. We had tied the game and our bench was going crazy. We kicked off to start overtime and the defense did its job.Jack picked off a pass on the first play and ran it in for the game-winning touchdown. Our bench went nuts again. We'd come back and won the game. Amazing. After we finally got into the locker room, showered and were on the bus, I suddenly got the feeling that we had lost. It was weird. And I suddenly felt alone. Kole and I had gotten on different buses for some reason.so, I took out my phone and decided to send him a text message. >From Andy: nice game - we won right? I feel like we lost..im lost dude >From Kole: we won. Enjoy. Whats wrong >From Andy: idk dude like even though we won like inside I didnt even feel it >From Kole: bro its ok but u wanna talk when we get home? >From Andy: no.its ok. com over for breakfast though, k? >From Kole: wouldnt miss it * * * * * I got off the bus and headed straight home. It was well after midnight and I was dead tired. I'd played my heart out and it had taken every ounce of energy not to just collapse into bed. But instead I decided to get online and send an email to the guy I had chatted with on Monday night. To: G8tONE@hockey-zone.com. Subject: We won the game! Hey man, sorry I didn't write sooner. I guess I'm still scared about all this. But that comes from being new to the whole `being gay' thing I guess. We had our football game tonight and we were losing most of the game. It was hard - even though it shouldn't have been. I played much better. We won in overtime. I ran in the two- point conversion to tie the game! I couldn't believe it. But, then on the way home, I was texting my friend and I just didn't feel like we had won. It's weird. I still don't feel like we've won.cause I can't really enjoy it, being. ***Just then an instant message box popped up and I finished the line I was on and hit `return' without even noticing. The line finished. "being gay and all." I looked up and noticed I had sent that last part to someone. Qbstud9! Qbstud9: Is it good news? Express958: being gay and all. ***I finished up my email to G8tOne, sent it and went back to the IM nightmare I had just created for myself. Qbstud9: Andy, whats that? I had no idea how to get out of this mess. First of all, I have been overwhelmed by the response from this story. I never imagined anyone would even read this. My goal when I set out to write this story was to have at best one person be affected by it. But in the first two chapters, a story-time span of one day, I have received more feedback than I ever dreamed. Anyway, this is in fact, the first story I have ever written, so I could use some feedback. I have an outline where this story is going to go, so please, be patient and enjoy the ride as we get to know Andrew and his friends and family. It's going to be good and there will be sex eventually.. I would love feedback because I can always change where the story is going.after all, life is journey! Please email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16