Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2005 16:56:38 -0800 (PST) From: Richard Mark Subject: In Pain : In Pain Chapter 5 WARNING! To qualify to read this story, you must be of legal age and allowed by the jurisdiction or jurisdictions that govern you to read sexually explicit homosexual material. If you do not qualify, you must exit and seek other material. You have been warned. Thank you for cooperating and being fair to others. All persons, names, places, descriptions, and events are purely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, names, places, descriptions, or events is totally accidental and a pure coincidence. This is a love story and at this time, limited sexual activity, but that will change with time. This story is the sole creation of its author and thus he retains full publication rights. Please email me to post it on a site other than Nifty. Email me at: andygaywriter@yahoo.com. Thanks! You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16 * * * * * Previously on In Pain: .being gay and all I got off the bus and headed straight home. It was well after midnight and I was dead tired. I'd played my heart out and it had taken every ounce of energy not to just collapse into bed. But instead I decided to get online and send an email to the guy I had chatted with on Monday night. To: G8tONE@hockey-zone.com. Subject: We won the game! Hey man, sorry I didn't write sooner. I guess I'm still scared about all this. But that comes from being new to the whole `being gay' thing I guess. We had our football game tonight and we were losing most of the game. It was hard - even though it shouldn't have been. I played much better. We won in overtime. I ran in the two- point conversion to tie the game! I couldn't believe it. But, then on the way home, I was texting my friend and I just didn't feel like we had won. It's weird. I still don't feel like we've won.cause I can't really enjoy it, being. ***Just then an instant message box popped up and I finished the line I was on and hit `return' without even noticing. The line finished. "being gay and all." I looked up and noticed I had sent that last part to someone. Qbstud9! Qbstud9: Is it good news? Express958: being gay and all. ***I finished up my email to G8tOne, sent it and went back to the IM nightmare I had just created for myself. Qbstud9: Andy, whats that? I had no idea how to get out of this mess. * * * * * Chapter 5 : This is Your Life Wow, so I didn't know what to do. I could play it off like I was talking about someone else. Damn, I can't believe I was that stupid. I could be honest and see what happens. Maybe see if he says anything else. I quickly sent a message to Kole. Express958: Can you talk or come over? Wideopen87: now? Express958: yeah.I may have just outted myself.and idk what to do! Wideopen87: Yeah.I'll be right over! Hold on! I quickly sent a message to Neal, the qbstud9 guy I had outted myself to. Express958: Hey man.I gotta go shower quick.talk when I get back? Qbstud9: You bet! Enjoy! Well.that went well. Now I just needed to formulate my game plan. Kole didn't take longer than five minutes to get to my house and came bounding up to my room. Okay.what happened? I filled him on how I managed to screw myself.then I told him who it was. "You told Neal Howell?" Kole yelped. "Yeah," I quietly replied. "The same Neal Howell who is the quarterback of our cross- town rivals?" "Yup, same one." "Heavy bro.I don't know what else to say." "Tell me about it. What should I do?" Kole sat and thought for a minute. "What do you want to do?" I hadn't even thought about what I wanted. The week had pretty much been a blur of emotions and trying to contain myself. It had felt good to tell someone about my `gayness' and not be punched in the face. I got off my chair in front of my computer and went to my CD rack and pulled off one of my favorites. It was Switchfoot and The Beautiful Letdown album. I quickly flipped to my favorite song, "This is Your Life." I went to my bed and laid down next to Kole and just listened to the words. this is your life, are you who you want to be this is your life, are you who you want to be this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose I only heard up to the third line.at that, I sat up and laughed. "Kole, it's my life and I'm going to be happy. Screw him if he doesn't like what he's going to hear." I sat there for another moment. "Will you stay here with me?" Kole didn't even say anything, he just put his hand on my back, looked in my eyes and I knew the answer. I stood up and made the long walk to my computer. Actually, it was only like four steps, but I knew when I sat down that my life was going to change. I clicked on the box that was still open from Neal and my fingers began to dance.I needed to say everything.and say it once. Express958: Neal, sorry about that message before and for running off on you. But I had to figure some things out. I don't know how you feel about gay people, but, and there's no easy way to say this, but I am gay. If you're mad - please don't tell anyone. Please. ***I sat there and started to shake because I was so scared of what might happen next. Then I saw that he was typing a message. Qbstud9: Andy, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Seriously. I'm glad you told me. Expres958: Are you serious? Qbstud9: Yeah man.it's no big deal, really. ***I was floored. Really. There was no way this could be happening. Kole chimed in from the background. "What'd he say?" "He's okay with it dude!" "I knew it'd be okay man.the world is changing bud." Hmmm, maybe it is. But still not enough to tell my parents. Express958: Neal, idk what to say.really. I never expected this. If you don't mind me asking.why are you cool with this? Qbstud9: Andy, you're a nice guy and a hell of a quarterback. Why should this even matter? You're still the same guy.the guy who can't beat me! Sorry.that was mean. Express958: haha.just wait until the playoffs. Dude, I don't even know how to thank you. This has made me feel so good. Qbstud9: Just be honest with yourself and keep working hard on the field man. That's that way you can thank me. But, promise me if you ever need anything, you will come to me. Express958: You got it man. We should hang out sometime. I think I just made a new friend. Qbstud9: Yeah man.we'll talk about it later k? I need to get to bed. Express958: Okay Neal. Thank you.thank you.thank you! Qbstud9: No problem.later. * * * * * Wow. I couldn't believe it. How did that happen? I wasn't na^Ėve to think it would always go that way, but he was right. I just need to be honest with myself. I swiveled around in my chair and found Kole asleep on my bed. Jeez! What a friend! Actually, he was the best one I think I'd ever have.aside from a boyfriend of course. I walked over to him and pulled my blanket over him. I got to his chest and laid it gently down. I knew he'd always be there for me. And I looked at him sleeping. I'd never looked at him any other way than my best friend and teammate. But, as I stood over him, I finally saw him as a guy.a male.a person that I could be attracted to. I mean, he was perfect.hehe. And I'd already seen him naked. And I liked what he had to offer. I guess I didn't notice until now. See, I was just a normal guy in my opinion. I still hadn't reached my full height yet, but I was about 5'11" and 160 pounds, brown hair and eyes. My hair was short and straight. It was pretty thick so I could do some pretty cool stuff with it. But, I really digged the guys who could grow their hair a bit and have little curls. I didn't like really curly hair, that we too girly, but I loved the shaggy look. Hehe. Kole was already 6 feet tall and was pretty strong at 175 pounds. He'd worked at it too. He also had brown hair, but had these amazing blue eyes. I loved looking at them. Yeah, they were hot, but they always seemed to calm me down. I guess they always took me back to our childhood and I'd see him tackling me in my backyard or just laughing while eating dinner with my family. I snapped out of my trance and leaned down and kissed him on his forehead. Just a friendly kiss. "Thank you Kole. I love you," I whispered. * * * * * I woke up early, before anyone in my family in fact. Dad was always up early to make us breakfast, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. So, I got off the couch and went to the kitchen and got some ingredients out to make this awesome French toast dish I knew. I timed it all out. I mixed up this cinnamon sauce that gets poured over the toast. I mashed the frosted flakes `cause those get put over the bread when you put it in the oven. Then I had to cut up some apples to put under the bread. That was my own special touch. It adds a great flavor. I put it all together and slid it into the oven. I cleaned up then jumped into the shower. I knew once I got out my dad would be up and probably drop a lung when I saw what was going on. I got out, dried off and put on my favorite pair of jeans. I slid on a t-shirt and went back downstairs to check on my masterpiece. I could already hear the coffee maker going which meant my dad was already up. I slowly walked into the kitchen and saw dad sitting at the table reading the paper. "Did I have any good quotes?" I asked, pouring myself a glass of milk. "Nah, just your usual `I'm too good for my own good'" my dad said letting out a small chuckle. "Well, when I know it." I said with a chuckle of my own. I grabbed the comics section and read in silence. I kinda wanted him to say something first. And he did. "So, what's for breakfast?" "Oh, nothing special.just some French toast and maybe some bacon if you wanna fry some up." "Oh no. This is your breakfast; I'm gunna sit here the whole time." "Well then we're just gunna have toast." "No - make the bacon, it'll go nice. Also, why'd you sleep on the couch last night?" "Oh, I was working on the computer and Kyle fell asleep on my bed. I couldn't wake him up." "Okay. Well, you'd better get that bacon going so it's ready when everyone comes down in a bit." So, I reluctantly got out of my chair and fired up the skillet. Threw the bacon on and listen to the sizzle. Oh, I loved that sound. Soon, my family started to trickle out of their slumber. First mom.then Mike. I saw my mom do a double take to make sure she was actually awake. I don't think Mike even noticed. He would eat then go right back to bed. Then came Kole.wow, he looked tired. "Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked as he sat down. "And have you hit me in the face in the process?" I asked sarcastically. "That's already happened once; I don't need it again, thank you very much." My family loved the meal I made them. My dad even did the dishes for me and said I should get going on my busy day. Today was my volunteering day. Twice a month I would work at the homeless shelter and do anything they needed. I also did Habitat for Humanity when I had the time. And I'd recently been thinking about helping at the Boys Club. * * * * * The weekend went surprisingly well.all things considered. I couldn't stop thinking about how Neal had responded to my message of being gay. It had actually really shocked me. Then the `new' thoughts about Kyle. I just finally felt like maybe, just maybe I could be happy in my own right That dream was shattered in Pop Culture class on Monday afternoon. I should probably drop that class since it seems like it's going to kill me. It was October 11, and the new TIME Magazine had just come out, "The Battle Over Gay Teens." I saw it sitting on my teacher's desk and I stopped dead in my tracks. Kole saw it too. He leaned in behind me, "It'll be okay dude," he said putting his hand on my shoulder. The teacher started, "Today we're going to go back to an issue we touched on about a week ago because TIME just ran a front page story on the battle over gay teens. This is quickly becoming a huge issue in today's culture and I think we need to understand it more. So, I made copies for you all and we'll read it first, then we'll talk about it." We all sat there reading it and I could hear the snickers and see the side jabs from my male classmates. `Here we go again,' I thought to myself. Everyone finished. "Anyone have any thoughts?" No one wanted to open the floor, so the teacher called on Red. "I don't know. I don't think it's a big deal." My other classmates then decided to start talking. "I don't think gay people should have special rights.they should be treated the same." "I'm glad our school doesn't have any fags." I was getting frustrated and looked over at Kole who just gave me the `calm down' glare. They continued their rock throwing at gays.at me. "My dad works with a gay guy and he hates it." "I don't think I'd have a problem with a gay guy, I just wouldn't be friends with them." "I think its cool schools are starting clubs. I mean, they need support too," Red said. A fellow classmate quickly chimed, "A club at school? No way will that ever happen here. My dad wouldn't allow it!" I couldn't take it anymore. "Oh, and what would your dad do about it, Kevin? The First Amendment says I have a right to start the club. How would your big shot daddy of a lawyer get through that one?" "Andy, please.calm down," the teacher said. "No, sorry - but this is ridiculous. Everyone is being so closed minded. Gay people are still people. Hell, there could be a gay student in this school or in this classroom and we don't even know it." "Dude - what's your problem? Maybe you're the fag," Kevin said. I lost it right there. I jumped out of my desk so fast my chair flew across the room and I jumped over the row of desks between me and Kevin. I got him square in the ribs and we both went crashing to the ground. I had started to cock my arm to start pummeling him, but Kole was right there tackling me off of him. * * * * * First of all, I have been overwhelmed by the response from this story. I never imagined anyone would even read this. My goal when I set out to write this story was to have at best one person is affected by it. But in the first two chapters, a story-time span of one day, I have received more feedback than I ever dreamed. I have an outline where this story is going to go, so please, be patient and enjoy the ride as we get to know Andrew and his friends and family. It's going to be good and there will be sex eventually.. Life is a journey, so sit back and enjoy where Andy will go. It's going to be bumpy.we all know life isn't easy. Feel free to email me at andygaywriter@yahoo.com and I'm doing my best to reply as quickly as I can.but these next few weeks are going to be hectic, so please be patient with me! You can also join my Yahoo Group which has just started by going to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andygaywriter16