Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 18:20:46 -0700 (PDT)
From: J X <xxx_supafly@yahoo.com>
Subject: Interview With A Quarterback Finale

As always, this story cannot be used on any site
without my consent.  If you want it, contact me at
XXX_Supafly@yahoo.com.  The first two chapters of this
story, as well as many other stories can be found on
my site http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/TripleX

Disclaimer:  There isn't really need for one on this
story, since there is no sex.  But there is a couple
of man on man kisses, so if you don't like that, don't
read on.  Hope y'all enjoy this, the finale of
Interview With A Quarterback.

********************

Every day I woke up wishing I was dead. I didn't know
what kind of world I lived in that would rip David
from me, in such a way that the pain would cripple me
each day. In such a way that I would be forever
haunted by the words "I love you, forever" no matter
who uttered them. In such a way that I went to bed
each night, hoping I wouldn't wake up the next
morning. Lord, why couldn't it have been me?

I never expected to lose David. Always in my mind
there was the perfect image, of the perfect life,
David and I happily ever after. The days leading up to
what had become the worst day of my life had been
perfect. The stupid little fights that had littered
our relationship for most of its time had completely
ceased. For most of the previous months, our
relationship had been damn near perfect. Never for
even a second did I think on the completely normal
July 20th, that by the 21st, our time together in this
lifetime would be over.

* * *

Since David had moved out of the Bowen Estate at the
beginning of the summer, to a small little apartment
on University Blvd., our relationship brightened
intensely. We spent any time possible together. The
only time we were apart was when we were at our
respective jobs. But as soon as we got out, we were
together again. The pressures put on us by his family
completely disappeared. For the first time ever, we
could be together and not worry about making someone
"uncomfortable." We had fallen in love with each other
to a whole new degree.

He became a completely different person once he was on
his own. The annoying immaturity dissipated. He became
a complete adult, which he said he owed to being on
his own for the first time. He even became more
romantic, which was hard to increase, but he still
managed somehow. When I would come over after work,
he'd have a candlelight dinner waiting for me. It was
usually something along the lines of a TV dinner, but
that made it so much more romantic for me. Even the
sex changed. He became so much more intimate, more
loving. For the first time in a long time, he was
happy.

It was the first month anniversary of his leaving the
Bowen Estate, when he showed up to surprise me at
work. I was busy with a line of customers, so I
acknowledged him with a smile, and mouthed the words
"I'll be there in a minute." He smiled back brightly,
then walked down an aisle and out of my site. I
assumed he'd went to find Heidi somewhere, so I
continued to wait on the customers, bagging their
items, giving them their "have a great evening" and
trying to get them out of my line as quick as
possible. I was off in about 10 minutes, and I didn't
want to stay any longer than I had to. As I was
waiting on about the 10th from last customer, Heidi
appeared and diverted some of them to her line. With
the two of us working, the line was gone in nothing
flat. I turned to talk to Heidi for a second, then
turned back when I heard the basket land on the
counter. I turned and my eyes connected with the
gorgeous blue eyes who could belong to no one but my
boyfriend. I removed the usual items from the basket
(Candles, incense. I worked in a dollar store, not a
whole lot to buy) and began to bag them. He took the
basket from the counter, and put it back with the
stack by the doors. He returned to me and then spoke.

"I want something from behind the counter too," He
explained.

I gave him a puzzled look as all that was behind the
counter was cheap resin knick knacks. I just didn't
see knick knacks blending with all of David's
Football, Basketball, and Track trophies.

"Oh really? What would you like?" I asked in return.

"The cashier," He said, raising his eyebrows and me
then reaching over the counter and kissing me. The one
customer left in Heidi's line gave us a dirty look, to
which David replied by sticking his tongue out. I just
smiled and giggled lightly as the woman left the
store. Something told me she might not be back. Oh
well, all she bought was candy anyways, and trust me
she didn't need anymore food of any kind, if you get
my drift.

"You almost done? I've got a romantic evening
planned," He said, melting me with the look in his ice
blue eyes.

"Heidi?" I asked, turning to look at her.

"You can go, I'll count you drawer for you," She
replied, rearranging some of the knick knacks behind
us.

"Wait, whose coming in to close?" I asked. There had
been trouble as of late with drawers being short, and
it seemingly only happened when one certain manager
was working. The fat bitch store manager to be exact.

"Tessa, she's doing third tonight,"

"Okay. I'm all yours stud," I said to David, tossing
my register keys in the direction of Heidi. They
landed on the floor in front of her to her dismay. She
was about five months pregnant, and bending over had
become an adventure. She knealed down to grab them,
then flipped me off. I stuck my tongue out in return
and she just laughed. I walked from behind the
registers and met David with a kiss. He grasped my
hand in his and we turned to look at Heidi.

"Have fun you guys," She said, winking at the both of
us.

I noticed that David winked back which means David
told Heidi something about his plan tonight. Oh well,
I liked surprises. We both assured Heidi we'd have
fun, and that I would give her details later on, then
walked out towards David's car.

"So what are you big plans for me?" I asked as David
opened the passenger door for me.

"Oh you'll see," He said, raising his eyebrows at me
again.

"He kissed me quickly then I got into the car. He
bounded around to the drivers seat as I began to dig
through his CD case for Jessica Simpson's
"Irresistible" CD. I found it and popped it in the CD
player as David started the car. The sweet tones of
the song "Irresistible" began to play as we exited the
parking lot of my hell hole job and started on our way
to another romantic evening.

We drove mostly in silence until we reached our
destination. I looked around for a few seconds and
noticed the familiar surroundings of the River. At
that moment I knew David had something special
planned. The River was designated our special spot. He
quickly exited the car and ran around to open my door.
As I stepped from the car he put his hands on my waist
and kissed my lips softly. He then grasped my hand in
his, and with a "Come On" we began our walk to our
usual spot at the bank of the River.

I enjoyed our settings as David lit a small fire. The
cold autumn air had come early this year. And being
next to the river did nothing but increase it. I
shivered slightly as David sat down next to me. He
noticed and quickly removed his sweatshirt and handed
it to me. I slipped it on then cuddled up next to him.


"So why'd you bring me here babe," I asked, breaking
the silence.

"Just some stuff I had to say to you," He replied.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Like I love you,"

"I already knew that," I said in a mocking tone.

"Let me finish," He said, standing then knealing in
front of me. He then grasped my hands in his and took
a deep breath. "I love you Alek. And I want to spend
the rest of my life with you,"

The nervousness had completely enveloped his voice.
His hands were sweating and shaking in mine. Even in
the darkness I could see the sweat beading up on his
forehead. Somewhere in my mind I was expecting it. But
I knew for sure when I saw him pull the box from his
pocket. The tears instantly formed in my eyes.

"I know we can't get married here. But what I'm asking
is, can we pretend, I guess?" He said nervously,
laughing at the end of his statement.

I couldn't help but laugh at his choice of words.
David was never one to plan his words. He always spoke
from the heart, which was one of the many things I
loved about him. I brought my sleeve to my face and
wiped away my tears. I then leaned forward and kissed
him softly. The tears were now waterworks flowing from
both of eyes.

"Oh God David, yes! Yes we can pretend!," I exclaimed,
almost tackling him to the ground as I threw my arms
around his neck.

David slipped the ring nervously on my finger and then
hopped to his feet. He pulled me to my feet then
yanked me into a hug. The tears of joy fell from both
of our eyes. I had never been happier before in my
life. My dreams of the perfect life had finally come
true. David and I were going to spend the rest of our
lives together. Nothing could've come along at that
moment that would've broken my smile. My insides were
jumping for joy. But outside, my body had not left
David's embrace. We hugged for minutes before the
embrace parted. As we parted, I brought my lips to his
and softly kissed him.

"I love you," I spoke softly, smiling more happily
than ever before.

"I love you more," He joked, kissing me quickly in the
nose.

I wiped at my nose, as I hated being kissed there,
then grasped David's hand in mine. We shared one more
kiss and then began our walk back to his car. I began
to fiddle slightly with the ring, reassuring myself
that what had just transpired did indeed happen. David
and I were indeed "engaged" now. Though Michigan law
prohibited marriage between same sex couples, we could
"pretend" as he had said so cutely. Being legally
married didn't matter to me. Just as long as David and
I were together for the rest of our lives, I would be
happy.

When we arrived back at the car, we stopped and shared
one more kiss. Unlike the soft kisses we had shared
earlier, this kiss was full of passion. His tongue
begged entrance into my mouth, and I submitted, if
only for a moment to his desires. After our tongues
writhed against one another for a short time, I broke
the kiss and opened my car door. The air was getting
colder by the minute, and I desperately wanted to get
in the car and put my hands on the heater. After I was
in the car, David shut my door behind me then raced
over to his side. He hopped quickly in and slammed the
door behind him. He quickly started the car and I
began to fiddle with the radio. I switched it back to
song number 1 on the Jessica Simpson "Irresistible"
CD, then David pulled away from the river and back
onto the highway.

As the ride there had been, it was a pretty quiet ride
back into town. David and I held hands the entire ride
back. Words were not often needed between David and I.
I could just look into his glittering blue eyes, and
feel completely at ease in the silence. He had a power
over me no one else had. No matter how I was feeling,
how much I thought life totally sucked, I could look
into David's eyes and smile. I loved him more than
life itself. I squeezed his hand slightly, and he
turned to look at me with an inquisitive look in his
eyes.

"I love you babe," I said softly.

"I love you too," He replied, leaning over in his seat
to kiss me.

That was where things went wrong. Something we had
done so many times before, completely backfired on
this day. As our kiss parted, and I opened my eyes, I
noticed to car coming straight at us. Before I even
had the chance to finish screaming "David, watch out",
the car collided with us head on. Glass flew from the
windows in all directions, lacerating me on every open
patch of skin. My head flew violently against the
dashboard, knocking my world dizzy, but not rendering
me unconscious. I felt the car spinning, like some
sort of demented amusement ride, and then slam
violently against the cement k-rail separating the
road from the dune beneath.

My vision was blurry. I was over taken with a severe
case of nausea. I pushed desperately at the button of
my seatbelt, and freed myself from its confines. I
pushed myself from my seat, and looked in horror as I
saw David's head draped over the steering wheel. I
inched across the seat as a snails pace, and pushed
him back from the wheel. He groaned, and I almost
screamed when I saw the blood leaking from his face. I
inched over closer, and grasped my hand in his.

"David," I spoke as if I had just woken up. My voice
crackled, as if it were rusty, and I found it
incredibly painful to speak.

"Alek," He said, proceeded by a cough. I winced in
pain as I saw through blurred vision that cough
produced blood.

"I'm here babe," I replied.

"Alek, listen to me," He said, coughing once more. "I
don't think I'm going to make it," He said coughing
once more. I felt daggers rip through my heart as this
cough lasted much longer than the previous two.

"Oh God David, don't talk like that," I said,
beginning to sob, but trying my best to fight back the
tears.

"I'm sorry babe," He coughed. "Just remember one thing
for me, okay?"

"God please David, just hold on. Help will be here any
minute," I sobbed

"Just listen to me Alek. I love you,"

"I love you too," I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Never forget that. I love you, forever,"

His statement was followed by a long series of coughs,
which caused more and more blood to leak from his
mouth. And then, silence. At that moment, my heart was
ripped from my chest and smashed violently against the
pavement, and then stomped on. I knew David had left
me. The tears went from water works, to Niagara Falls.
I collapsed against David's chest and let them flow.
God why did he have to leave me? On today, of all
days. It was not fair that the greatest day of my life
had become the worst. I could barely hear myself
think, but what I could hear within my mind was his
words echoing: "I love you, forever." I cursed the
God's above for taking David from me, and leaving me
here, alone. Somewhere faintly in the background I
could still hear the CD playing. The song spoke so
true to me at that moment, and for I'm sure the rest
of my life. "When you told me you loved me, did you
know it would take me the rest of my life, to get over
the feeling, of knowing my dreams didn't turn out
right...."

* * *

I was in shock. I could not speak to anyone when help
finally arrived. I threw up several times as the
pulled David's lifeless body from the car and loaded
him into the ambulance. After he was loaded up, I was
instructed to ride to the hospital with the policeman.
I found myself wishing desperately that Jeremy
(Heidi's boyfriend) had received the call. But instead
I was ushered into a car with a man I had never met in
my life, who expected me to talk to him when I had
just watched my boyfriend breathe his last breath.
Once I was in the car, I leaned my head against the
window and sobbed silently to myself. I noticed the
policeman look over at me and sigh. I could see
faintly a tear glimmering in his eye.

When we arrived at the hospital, he assisted me into
the building and had me seen immediately by a doctor.
They checked me over and came to the conclusion I had
a very bad concussion, glass embedded in several parts
of my body, and most likely a broken facial bone.
Everything was directed at the policeman, and I felt
suddenly like a foreigner in my own country who needed
a translater. But as much as I tried, my voice would
not work. The tears too had ceased flowing. My mind
was full of nothing but David's words, echoing over
and over: "I love you, forever." I felt as if I had
died inside.

Fortunately I was coherent enough to nod when the
policeman told me they were going to start removing
the glass from my face and neck. I didn't even know I
was bleeding, and that I should be in pain. I could
feel nothing. I didn't even know if I had a heartbeat.
I felt dead, like my soul had left me, but my body
lived on. I had lost completely the will to live. I
wanted so badly as the doctor started to remove the
glass to turn my neck and hope he sliced an artery. I
didn't want to be on this Earth if David wasn't with
me.

I don't remember honestly how long I was at the
hospital before someone I knew finally arrived. At
some point during the night the policeman had taken my
pager and my wallet to contact people on my behalf. My
father was out of town, and I had no family in
Michigan. So as always, Heidi rushed to my side.

Heidi stepped slowly through the doors into the ER and
looked around for me. When she finally saw me laying
motionless in a bed at the end of the hall, she ran
quickly to me, pushing several nurses out of her way.

"Oh my God Alek," She sobbed, snatching me into an
embrace. "I'm so sorry,"

As I heard her tears mine once more started, making me
think my soul may not have abandoned me. My voice
still refused to work, so I sat there with my arms
draped around Heidi, sobbing until I thought my eyes
may pop out. Our embrace finally ended, and I lay back
on the bed. She looked almost as bad as I felt. Her
make up had run, and her eyes were completely
bloodshot. But she still managed a slight smile as she
reached out and brushed the hair from my forehead. She
leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the top of the
head, then sat back in her chair. She grasped my hand
in hers and I tried to force a smile. I'm not sure how
well I did at that.

Heidi took over where the policeman had left off,
answering any questions the doctor had, and telling me
whatever was said. I continued my attempts to speak
but they all failed, so I would nod whenever
necessary. I was asked if I wanted a sedative and
vehemently shook my head no. I wanted to be awake when
the Bowen's arrived. Then after that they could give
me anything they wanted, just as long as I never woke
up again.

But as I saw the Bowen's step through the doors of the
ER, I suddenly wished I had taken the sedative. Geoff,
and his parents walked slowly to where I was, and I
felt my stomach turning over and over. They had been
far from happy about our relationship, and now I had
been with David when he was killed. I thought surely I
would be to blame for this all. I really really wanted
that sedative now. But when they arrived at my bed,
much to my surprise their mother pulled me into and
embrace and began to rock back and forth with me.

"Oh Alek. God are you okay?" She asked, sobbing.

I was determined to answer this time. I took a deep
breath and forced the words from my mouth. "David,"
was all I managed to speak before the tears completely
ravaged me once more.

"Oh sweety we know," She cried, still rocking back and
forth with me.

"I'm so sorry Colleen," I managed to say through my
tears. "I wish it was me,"

She broke from the embrace and looked me deeply in the
eye. Even in times of crisis, this woman always
managed to keep some degree of composure. As Heidi had
done earlier, she pushed the hair from my forehead,
and then spoke.

"Never say that Alek. That would be the last thing
David would ever want. He loved you very, very much,"
She spoke, choking back her tears.

As I heard that, I collapsed once more against her and
resumed my sobbing. She started to rock back and forth
with me again, while murmuring things like "We'll get
through this, together," This gave me a small fraction
of peace, knowing I wasn't blamed for this. But with
it also came sadness, knowing that now I had been
accepted by his family, and he wasn't able to enjoy it
with me. I sobbed for minutes against the breast of
his mother until my eyes felt again as if they may
explode. I lay back on the bed, and felt as if I was
being stabbed repeatedly as I glanced around the room
at the faces of David's family. Once my eyes connected
with Geoff's, I broke down again. Much to my surprise,
he stepped up to the bed and yanked me to him. For the
first time in my life, I heard Geoff cry. But as his
mother had done, he gave me a slight feeling of peace
as he spoke to me through his tears "Thank God you're
okay, I couldn't have lost you both." But as much as
that put me somewhat at ease, I was bewildered at its
meaning. Sure, Geoff and I had became friends over the
past months, but I was hardly his best friend. But as
the pain in my head began to get increasingly worse, I
put that thought aside for another day. I broke free
from Geoff's grasp and lay back on the bed. I reached
over to the table next to me and grabbed a Kleenex and
proceeded to wipe me eyes. The rest of the room joined
in with me. The four of them pulled chairs up next to
the bed and to my surprise David's father grasped my
hand in his and patted it lightly. I tried my best to
smile at him, but I'm sure I looked moronic.
Surrounded by the four of them, I felt terrible that I
was the center of attention when David had lost his
life. No matter what Colleen had told me, I still
wished it had been me.

* * *

I was only kept over night at the hospital. And with
my dad being out of town, Heidi took me into her
place. I felt so utterly worthless, in life in
general. Every single night I awoke crying. David's
words haunted me: "I love you, forever." Each time I
awoke, I would expect everything to be fine, to have
David laying next to me. But each time, I was reminded
of the truth with violent images of the crash that had
ripped my one true love from my life. Each time I
walked into Heidi's bathroom, I wanted to rip open her
medicine chest and take everything in it, to end my
suffering. I came so close as to have a bottle of
pills in my hand, but as I began to unscrew the cap I
was reminded of what David's mother had said to me
when I said I wish it had been me, "that would be the
last thing David would ever want." As much as I wanted
to die, to be with him, I kept hanging on for him.

The days leading up to the funeral were a complete
blur. I did absolutely nothing. I didn't shave, I
barely ate, and I never changed from my pajamas. By
Monday afternoon I looked like a homeless hobo. But I
had to spiff myself up. I wanted to look nice, after
all, I had to say goodbye to David that day.

Like a drone, I made it through my pre-worst day of my
life morning activities. I looked to my standards, but
I could not peel myself from the mirror. My eyes
didn't look like my own. They were pale, lifeless, and
above all else bloodshot. I wanted nothing more than
to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. But
I knew I had to face the world. I had to leave the
house, and if only for an hour, I had to pretend I
really wanted to go on living in spite of just losing
the one thing I had ever loved. And more gut wrenching
than anything, I had to say goodbye to David. Before
the tears had a chance to rip me back down into
emotional hell, I squirted the Visine liberally into
each eye, and made my way to the living room where
Heidi was waiting. She greeted me with a hug, and then
together we walked out of her apartment and down the
steps to her car. Out into the world I went, to do
something I never thought I'd have to do.

I was mobbed by the masses that are the Bowen family
as I walked into the church. Each one of them came up
to me and said things like "We're so sorry." It
frankly made me sick to my stomach. Less than a week
ago, David had been the queer reject of the family.
But now that he was dead, they all acted as if he had
been they're best friend. I really hated when people
did that. Needless to say, after about 10 minutes of
that, I was quite sick of it. I made my way through
the crowd and sat myself in a pew in the very back of
the church, excluded away from everyone. I lay my head
against the bench in front of me and began to silently
resume my sobbing. I tried to keep as quiet as
possible, as I didn't really feel like being comforted
by people who didn't even like David, let alone me.
But alas, one of them still came up to me.

"Alek?" He asked as he walked up.

I rose my head from the bench, and quickly wiped my
eyes on the sleeve of my shirt. I turned to look at
him and noticed an attractive young man, about my age,
maybe a little younger. He was unmistakably related,
as his eyes matched with David's mother's side of the
family perfectly, ice blue. Behind him stood another
man, who also could've been related as his hair
matched with the Bowen side of the family. But beyond
that, he didn't fit in. Besides David, and I hate to
admit, Geoff, there were hardly any attractive
Bowen's. And this guy was gorgeous. Even through my
pain I could see that. After I had taken in their
appearances, I snapped myself back to reality and
responded to guy number 1.

"Yeah," I replied in my seemingly new trademark rusty
hinge like voice.

"Hi, I'm Adam, David's cousin," Guy number 1 explained
thrusting his hand forward.

I limply grabbed his hand and shook it. I forced
forward a meek smile, which was met with a similar
smile from Adam. Guy number 2 stepped forward and
extended his hand. I shook it weakly and waited for
the introductions from him.

"I'm Erik, Adam's boyfriend,"

This news came as a shock to me. I was unaware of
David having a gay family member. But then again, if
his experiences were anything like David's he was
probably exiled to the "gossiped about" section of the
family. When I thought about it that way, I was kind
of glad I had no family.

"I didn't know David had any gay family members," I
spoke, trying desperately to clear my voice.

"Well, there aren't a whole lot of us. In fact, David
and I were the only ones." Adam spoke, sitting down
next to me.

"Were you guys close?" I asked.

I had a vague memory of a cousin Adam. If my memory
served correctly he was 3 years younger than David,
which would make him 18. And he was from Florida. But
other than that, I was in the dark.

"We were when we were kids. But then they moved back
here. We lost touch for a little while. But we
reconnected when me and my dad moved back here,"

"Wait, is your dad Uncle James?"

"That would be him,"

It was all coming back to me now. Adam was Uncle
James' son, who was Colleen's baby brother. He was a
lawyer and worked for Houston & Garter, the biggest
Law Firm in West Michigan. Adam's mom, Aunt Psycho as
she was called had literally went psycho and tried to
stab Uncle James with a 3 inch paring knife. She was
locked up in a mental hospital now, and Uncle James
and Adam had moved to Michigan. Adam and David had
gotten together a few times recently, when I had been
at work. With the exception of Geoff, Adam seemed to
be the only family member David expressed a liking
for.

"David talked about you alot. You and Geoff seemed to
be the only family members he cared about," I
explained, sniffling at the end of my statement.

"He talked about you alot too. In fact, you were
almost all he talked about," Adam replied.

"I smiled slightly, but was instantly reminded that
David was gone. My tears started to form once again,
but I fought diligently to fight them back. I wasn't
exactly keen on the idea of breaking down in front of
someone I didn't know, though I'm sure he wouldn't
blame me if I did. With that thought in mind, I let
the tears win, and buried my head in my hands. Adam
slid next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I
could hear him crying too. The way I was feeling, his
arm on my shoulders completely comforted me. Through
his tears, he was whispering stuff like "It'll be
okay." Which I didn't believe at the moment, but I
knew deep down it would be true one day. After about
five minutes of crying, I pulled myself together and
apologized to Adam and Erik for breaking down.

"Don't be ridiculous, we don't blame you at all," Erik
said, taking a seat next to Adam.

"We both lost someone we cared about deeply," Adam
said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "Though I'm sure
my loss is nothing compared to the way you're feeling
right now,"

"Yeah," was all I replied. I didn't really want to go
into detail with how I was feeling. It scared me, so
I'm sure it would scare some complete stranger. Adam
and Erik seemed like extremely nice guys. I definently
didn't need to unload my emotions on them.

"Listen, Alek. I've got something important to give
you," Adam started.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Well, when you and David broke up the first time, he
went to Florida that summer to stay with me and my
dad,"

"Right,"

"Well, he wrote you a letter when he was down there.
After he wrote it he decided to just tell you how you
felt, instead of giving you the letter. So I found the
letter, and figured you'd want to read it," Adam
explained, handing me the envelope.

I took the envelope from Adam's hands and stared at
the writing on the outside: "To my one true love" The
tears started to slowly leak from my face again, but
this time I just let them flow. This was typical
David. Before, he was never one to speak his emotions.
I fought desperately most times to get him to tell me
how he felt. But one day, all of that changed. And he
had been open with me about everything from then on. I
was anxious to read what the letter said. So I slowly
lifted the flap and pulled the wrinkled piece of paper
from the envelope. I opened the letter and began to
read the beautiful, albeit incredibly sloppy
handwriting of my lost love.

Alek,

I've got so many things to say to you. But you know
me, I'm horrible at expressing my emotions. So I
decided to write down exactly how I felt.

I love you Alek. I know that you think what we had was
all about sex, but it wasn't, at least not to me. We
could've never had sex and I would've been completely
happy. Just being with you was enough. Just to see
your smile brightened my entire day, no matter how I
was feeling. You were my sunshine. I'm crazy about you
Alek. Every single time I told you I loved you, I
meant it. But I know I didn't treat you that way. And
I don't blame you for a second for breaking it off
with me. You deserve to be treated alot better than
the way I treated you.

But when you broke up with me, you told me I had alot
to think about. And as always, you were right. So I
took off here to Florida to hang with my cousin Adam,
and to get his advice since he's gay too. He told me
to listen to my heart (Just like you did, oddly
enough.) Well I did, and it told me exactly what I
already knew, and exactly what I wanted to hear. I
want to be with you Alek. I've been so miserable these
past months without you. I don't care what my family
thinks, let them abandon me. I'm willing to sacrifice
everything, just as long as I have you. So when I get
back to MI, I hope we can work things out. Because I
love you, and I don't know how long I'll last without
having you in my life. You are the single most perfect
thing alive Alek. And I was sent to this Earth for the
sole purpose of loving you. I hope you can forgive me.


Love Always,

David.

The Niagara Falls from my face had resumed by the
finish of the letter. I slowly folded the letter up
and placed it back into the envelope, then lay my head
back on the bench. The insanely blubbering tears had
long since ceased, these waterworks were silent. The
pain I had been feeling before that was only increased
with that letter. He was the most wonderful person I
had ever known. It was so unfair for him to be taken
so young. It was so unfair for him to be snatched from
me. It was just so unfair. I wanted so badly to go
home and eat a bullet, or down a bottle of pills, or
have an "accident" with a kitchen knife, just so I
could hear his voice again. But each time those
thoughts ran through my mind, I would be reminded of
what Colleen had said, and the letter had confirmed,
indirectly. He loved me very much. And I knew the last
thing he would ever want was to see me hurt, or dead.
As much as I wanted to take the easy way out, I would
force those thoughts away. I had to keep hanging on,
for him.

Adam and Erik remained by my side until my tears began
to slow, about five minutes later. I lifted my head
from the bench and was met with the teary eyes of both
Adam and Erik. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, and tried
my best to smile at them.

"Should I not have given you that?" Adam asked, the
tears evident in his voice.

"No," I replied soundly. "I'm glad you did. Really, I
am," I said, patting his hand lightly.

He smiled at me lightly, then leaned over and gave me
a hug. It came as a bit of a surprise, but it was
still the comfort I needed at that moment. We held
each other for minutes, both of us sobbing lightly. We
broke the hug, and Erik handed us both some tissue.

"We both lost someone amazing," Adam said, wiping his
eyes with the tissue. "But we can get through this,
together,"

"Thank you, Adam. It means alot,"

He didn't speak in return, but reached over and hugged
me again. It was then I saw the priest walk into the
room, and I knew it was nearing the climax for the
most horrible event in my life. I looked to the front
of the room, and connected eyes with the ebony of
David's casket. I had seen him only once since all of
this, at the visitation yesterday. But I could not
bring myself to speak. I broke down, and was helped
away by Geoff and Heidi. I knew this was probably my
last chance to say goodbye.

"I've got something I've got to do," I spoke to Adam
and Erik, starting my walk to the front of the room.

In my walk towards the casket, I connected eyes with
Geoff. He looked as if he was going to walk to me, but
I mouthed the words "I'll be okay." He smiled back,
and resumed his conversation with Heidi. I reached the
casket, and stood staring at the lifeless shell of my
David.

I could feel the tears starting again, but I fought
viciously to keep them away. This was my last chance
to say goodbye to him. I wiped my eyes quickly on the
tissue then deposited it into my pocket. I took a deep
breath and began to speak.

"Well sweety, I guess this is it," I whispered. "This
is all so unfair. I shouldn't have to be doing this.
You should still be here, we should still be together.
You didn't even get to hear Mariah's new album." I
laughed slightly, choking on my tears. "But, I guess
that wasn't in God's plan, which sucks, but I guess I
have to deal. This is so hard for me, you were my
strength in the face of tragedy."

The tears won the battle and began to flow steadily
once more. I took a brief pause, and closed my eyes. I
ripped the tissue from my pocket and wiped my eyes
again. I took yet another deep breath and resumed my
good-byes.

"As much as this sucks hun, I'm going to hold on. But
I'm going to miss you, God I'm going to miss you. But
save me a spot up there, because I'll be there
eventually. And when I get there, we can pick up where
we left off down here. I love you David, always,"

I leaned down and gently kissed his forehead. It was
so cold, so lifeless. I pulled back and closed my eyes
tightly, reminding myself that this was just a shell,
and that my David was looking down on me from Heaven.
I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes once more, then
deposited the tissue back into my pocket. I leaned
down and whispered "I love you" once more, then walked
over to Geoff and Heidi. Geoff met me with a hug, and
asked me if I was okay. I said no, but yes, which was
actually how I was feeling. He said he understood,
somehow. I just smiled, and noticed the priest step up
to the podium. Heidi grasped my hand in hers, and
dreadfully, we walked to our seats.

As expected, I cried the entire funeral. My head hurt
so bad by the end of it, I was nauseous. But it was a
beautiful ceremony. I just wished it had been for
someone else. Several people stood up throughout the
course and talked about David. But it was Adam's words
that really penetrated through.

"David was the most caring human being I had ever
known. He liked everyone, and everything. He'd break
his back just to make you happy. He had a genuine love
for life. I remember when we were kids, and we would
sit around for hours and listen to our grandpa tell
stories, David loved to listen. He kept that quality
into adulthood. No matter what you had to say, David
would always listen and never criticize. There aren't
many people like that in the world. We're all going to
miss him very much,"

He managed to keep his tears away for his statement,
but as he sat down I saw him bury his face against
Erik. I felt envious of him for a short moment, but
realized I had Geoff for that, at least for the time
being. But I didn't have Geoff at that degree,
thankfully, just the thought of Geoff that way was
kinda icky. But he was exactly what I needed at this
moment, a comforting shoulder to cry on. And I took
full advantage of that. I lay my head on his shoulder
and resumed my sobbing until the end of the funeral,
at which point he got up to do his pall bearer duties.
I sat there for minutes, just staring as David's
casket was carried from the church and to the hurse.
It was Heidi's hand on my shoulder that awoke me from
my trance. I stood up and collapsed weakly against her
and sobbed lightly.

"This is so hard," I cried.

"Shhh," She comforted. "Well get through this,"

"As much as I didn't want to believe her, I knew that
was indeed true. Still in my heart, I didn't want to
get through it. I wanted all of my pain to just go
away. And I didn't really care how that came about.
But I knew that was nothing more than a dream. Getting
over this was going to be a lifelong thing. There was
no easy way out. I had to hang on, for David.

* * *

The next months were some of the hardest of my life.
But fortunately, I had an amazing group of people to
help me through it all. Not a day went by that I
didn't have some form of contact with Heidi, or Geoff,
or Adam, or Erik. I was so thankful to have all of
them with me. If it hadn't been for them, I'm sure I
would've had a breakdown. There were still days when I
thought of taking the easy way out. But always in my
mind was the thought of David. He never wanted to see
me hurt. So I kept hanging on, for him.

I can't say the pain went away. But it dulled slowly
with time. My life was back to somewhat of the way it
was before. But it would never be the same. David was
still gone. But I knew he was still looking out for
me, my new guardian angel above. And whenever I needed
to be alone, to clear my thoughts, I would go to the
cemetery and visit David's grave. It wasn't something
I did too often, as it still ripped me apart to see
his name etched in the granite of the tombstone. But
when Mariah Carey's "Glitter" album came out, I felt a
strange need to go to the cemetery and play it for
David. I dug into my closet until I found my old CD
Player. I popped some batteries into it, and grabbed
the CD. I walked out into the car, and laughed at
myself for doing this. I wonder what my psychiatrist
would say.

* * *

I pulled onto the gravel trail of the cemetery and
came slowly to a stop. I grabbed the CD Player from
the passenger seat and exited the car. I made the
short walk to David's grave, and tossed my coat onto
the ground. I sat down and hit play on the CD player.

"Well here it is babe, after two years of waiting,
Glitter is finally out," I spoke aloud as the song
"Loverboy" began to play.

As usual I had brought with me a notebook. As the CD
played for David, I began to jot down thoughts I had
had recently. I'd hesitate to call it a journal, as I
very seldom wrote in it. But anytime I came to the
cemetery, I wrote down my feelings and thoughts on the
world around me:

It is still so hard for me. Everyday I wake up and
hope to see David laying next to me. But alas, it
never happens. Certain parts of my life feel like an
extended nightmare. If not for Heidi, Geoff, Adam and
Erik I don't know where I'd be right now. But my
senses tell me it'd probably be a mental hospital
somewhere. Friendship really can pull you through
anything.

I know Dr. Mallon would think I'm crazy for doing it,
but I felt a strange need to do so. "Glitter" came out
yesterday, so I decided to bring it to the cemetery
and play it for David. I know he would've loved it.
Maybe it is crazy, I don't know, but just being here
puts me somewhat at ease. God, I miss him so much.

I closed the book and began to sob. This, like the
notebook was a usual occurrence. But it was heightened
this time as Mariah's song "Reflections" played in the
back ground. I buried my head in my hands and let the
tears flow. I had found out over the past months that
fighting them was pretty pointless, as they always
kicked my ass in the end. I tuned out the world around
me and sobbed, completely lost in the memories. That's
how I didn't hear the footsteps come from behind me.

"Excuse me?" The man spoke to me, snapping me back to
reality.

I wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve then turned to look
at him. I was shocked as I took in the man's
appearance. He was at least 6'3, bright blonde hair
and dark blue eyes. He looked so much like David it
was uncanny.

"Are you okay?" He asked again.

"Yeah," I replied sniffling. "This place just has a
way of making me cry," I said again, wiping my eyes on
my sleeve once more.

"I know how that is," He replied. "Is that your
brother?" He asked, nodding the direction of David's
tombstone.

"Boyfriend actually," I replied, hoping to God this
man wasn't a homophobe.

"I'm so sorry," He said, crouching down beside me. "I
just lost my boyfriend recently too," He said again,
the tears building slowly in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said, not really knowing what to say to
something like that.

"It never gets any easier being here," He said softly,
sitting down completely next to me.

"I know," I replied, sniffling. "I break down every
time I come here, but yet I can't stop myself from
coming,"

"I know. But I just miss him so much." the man spoke,
wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve. "So how'd it
happen, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Car accident," I replied. "I was with him. I came out
fine except for a concussion and a few cuts," I said
again, sobbing greatly by the finish.

"I'm so sorry," the man spoke, pulling me into a hug.

The feeling I got as his arms surrounded me was
unreal. Never since I had lost David had I felt so at
peace as I did in the embrace of this complete
stranger. If only temporary, this man came along and
washed away my pain. I could not explain it, but I was
thankful for it.

"I'm sorry," He spoke as the hug parted. "You just
looked like you needed a hug,"

"Don't be sorry," I spoke. "That really was what I
needed,"

"Hi," He laughed slightly, extending his hand. "I'm
Bryce,"

"Alek," I replied, shaking his hand as "Glitter" came
to an end. "So Bryce, how did you lose..."
"Christian," He replied. "And I hope you don't think
I'm a jerk for doing this, but would you mind if I
didn't tell just yet?"

"No, that's fine," I replied. "Sorry for asking,"

"Don't be. Listen, Alek, I hope you don't think this
forward of me, but would you like to get some coffee?"


"Sure," I replied, smiling lightly at him.

"Great," He replied. "Java Bug?" He asked, hopping to
his feet.

"Works for me," I replied, grabbing my notebook and
standing also.

"See you there," He replied, clapping me on the
shoulder the preceding to walk in the opposite
direction of my car.

I bent down and grabbed the CD player then proceeded
to walk to my car. I looked down the trail and saw
Bryce pull away. I got in my car and quickly started
it up. I sat in the car and began to think how amazing
it was that I met Bryce. I could not explain just how
he happened to be there at the exact same time as me.
But then again, maybe I could. I did have a guardian
angel up there who loved me just as much as I loved
him. And he knew that Bryce was what I needed. I
needed someone who understood what I was going
through, because they too had been through it. I
didn't know what the future would hold for me with
Bryce. But I knew that he was heaven sent.

"Thank you, David," I spoke aloud.

A stiff breeze blew by, rustling some leaves from the
trees surrounding me. I took that as recognition that
my thank you had been received. I put the car into
gear and pulled away from the cemetery. And for the
first time in months, I had an actual smile on my
face. Though I never thought it possible again, I was
happy.

THE END