Legal Notice:

The following contains descriptions of mild sexual acts between consenting underage boys. It is an original work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

Do not read this story if:

1) You're not 18 or over.
2) If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live.
3) If you don't want to read about gay/bisexual people in love or having sex.

The author retains copyright (2006) to this story.  Reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright.

It Feels Like Monday

by Lostone

It was just the five of us around the dinner table, and for a Friday night that was very unusual. There were Mom and Dad, Jamie, my older sister, myself, and Kevin, my little brother, all sitting at the dining table with homemade corn bread and a huge pot of beef stew. Mom said that when I was born she had to get a bigger pot for the stew because I just couldn’t seem to get enough. All those chunks of potato and carrot and just a touch of red pepper, just the smell of her stew made me hungry. Usually one of us kids would bring home at least one friend on a Friday, but as soon as I got home from school, Mom said that Dad wanted it to be a family only night. When Mom said it was a family night it meant she had a bad day and wanted some peace and quiet. When Dad says family night he means family discussion.

As we started serving up our meals, Mom started the conversation up by saying “Kevin, your Grandparents want you to spend the first two weeks of summer out at the farm.” Kevin, my thirteen year old brother, loved going out to the farm and just smiled at what mom had said mainly because his allergies only let him be at the farm in the early spring. At that point Dad looked over at Jamie and told her that mom was busy the last day of school but took the next day off so they could go shopping for summer clothes. For a seventeen year old girl, you could only describe Jamie’s reaction as subdued excitement. You know, thrilled to go shopping, just not with Mom.

As the conversation died down and everyone started eating, my first thought was that the conversation around the dinner table was such that any of my friends could have handled the subjects that had come up. After a few seconds I realized that what I would be doing hadn’t come up yet. I figured that Mom and Dad had just overlooked the point so I asked the only question that made any sense to me, “Am I going with Kevin to the farm?” Mom gave me a look that I just couldn’t understand so I went back to eating.

I had just taken a bite of corn bread when He said it. I think he waited for that exact moment so I couldn’t argue too much because all the sudden he said “Nope, you and I are going camping in the mountains.”

I wasn’t even upset about his announcement, but I was shocked. The family never went camping till well into July because where Dad went; there would be snow on the ground until the end of June. I swallowed down my corn bread real hard and said “You’ve got to be kidding, we’ll freeze.”

Dad responded immediately, yelling out, “Your fifteen years old, it’s time we started teaching you how to be a man, not some candy-assed little sissy!”

I was totally shocked. I looked over at Mom and saw a guilty look on her face. Then it hit me, the realization of what he could have meant. All of the sudden I didn’t feel well. My stomach tightened up and my breathing went really shallow. I must have zoned out because the next thing I knew I was in my room lying on my bed with a very tear soaked pillow. I do vaguely remember standing up and asking to leave the table and even Dad yelling at me to sit back down. I even remember Mom telling him to let me go.

I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock that I had sitting on my desk. After seeing that the blue numbers displaying the time as being 2:48 in the morning I started to relax, thinking that nobody would be awake to bother me. I rolled over onto my back and gazed up at the star covered ceiling. Ya, I know, little glow in the dark stars plastered all over a midnight blue ceiling wasn’t something you might expect from a fifteen year old guy, but they reminded me of my dad. Not the father that called me a sissy, but my dad, the man that would set me in his lap and wrap me up in his arms as he read to me when I was eight years old.

I was eleven when my Dad left, activated by the president to go fight in Iraq. He was sent down to Texas for training in early January. The military called it desert combat and survival training, but I call it the end. Dad left for Kuwait in early March after only forty-five days of training. In the six months that dad was gone we only got five letters from him and they were kind of funny. They had holes cut into them! Entire sentences were removed. In the first letter we got there was a message included from military intelligence saying that all mail was subject to censorship for confidential material.

Well, to make a short story even shorter, between the censorship and Dad’s orders, nobody knew anything. The only thing the family was told about the whole thing, was his being assigned to a special unit that officially ‘didn’t exist’ and his entire experience there was classified ‘need to know’ and nobody met those restrictions except his commander.

Whatever he saw over in Iraq changed him though. The change wasn’t very noticeable at first, he just seemed distant, almost distracted. In the months that followed he became more and more hardened and unrelenting, requiring more and more from me and Kevin, especially from me. He started pushing me to join the football and wrestling teams when I turned thirteen; even though I didn’t like the violence of football and as far as wrestling went, I was afraid that the close contact with other guys would be even more difficult than using the showers after a gym class.

The only thing that we did do that Father approved of was target shooting. By we, I mean myself and my two best friends, Jeff Forge and Tim Miller. I had started shooting target rifle when I was nine. My dad was the safety instructor at the local gun club and started a junior rifle night were kids under the age of eighteen learned how to, and practiced, shooting 22 caliber, bolt action rifles. By the time I was eleven I was kind of shocked when the manager of the club gave me a certificate that said I was the Idaho state champion for my age group. The next year when I took my hunters education course, I met Jeff and Tim. When they saw that I had out-shot the entire class, we started talking about shooting and have been friends from then on.

So I laid there on my bed staring at the ceiling, trying to come up with a way out of the camping trip when I heard a light tapping on my bedroom door. I couldn’t believe it! Almost three o’ clock in the morning and I still couldn’t get any time alone. I just rolled over onto my side and mumbled “Go away.” Since I rolled away form the door I didn’t know who came in to my room until I heard Jamie say “You ready to talk about it squirt?” Jamie has called me that for as long as I can remember. The last time I asked her about it she said “As long as I’m taller than you; you’re just a squirt.” And considering I’m 5 foot ten and she’s an even six foot; I’m not sure she’ll ever have to stop. I replied with “Can’t everyone just leave me alone?” Jamie turned on my bedside lamp, sat down on the edge of my bed and then really got my attention.

The next thing I knew, she had me rolled over onto my back and was sitting on me. She had both of my hands pinned at my sides with her knees and held my shoulders down with her hands. From the look in her eyes I could tell she was pissed off. When Jamie saw that she had my attention, she said “Mom’s throwing a fit about Dad and he’s been ranting about how he should come in here and ‘straighten you out’ and Kevin and I have been walking on eggshells for the last seven hours so we don’t get dragged into this mess and YOU WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!” I was literally speechless at this point. After Jamie’s outburst, she calmed down a little and looked down at me again saying “I don’t know what your problem is, but I am not leaving until you start talking.”

Feeling guilty as hell, I turned away from her and said “I can’t go with just Dad. If he finds out, I’m as good as dead.”

I didn’t even realize what I said until Jamie asked me “Finds out what?”

As I realized that I had screwed up in a big way I turned my head and stared into her eyes. Jamie has been able to tell when I was lying since I was five years old and the look in her eyes said she wanted nothing but the truth.

After a moment or two, I could feel them; the silent tears that fell form the corners of my eyes, bringing with them to the surface, all of my deepest fears. Under normal circumstances I could tell my big sister almost anything, but this, this fell under the category of ‘never’; and it was the only one. My deepest, darkest, secret; the secret that carries with it all the fears of rejection, verbal and possibly physical abuse if it ever came out; and Jamie was demanding to hear it. The more I thought about it, the worse it got. The pain and torment of not being good enough for my father slowly climbing to the surface bringing more and more tears, that rejection making my fears even more solid, more real.

Jamie must have seen it, the fear and the pain tormenting me. She rolled off of me and onto the far side of my bed and laid down next to me. She pulled me over to her so that my head ended up on her shoulder and both of her arms wrapped around me. Jamie started rubbing my back as she said “John, it’s alright. Everything is going to be O.K. I’ve helped you through every problem you’ve ever told me about. I even beat up that bully in the fifth grade when he wouldn’t leave you alone. We’re family and nothing you can say is going to change that, but if you don’t tell me what is going on I can’t help.”

I knew she was right. She had always been there for me before and I knew deep down that I could trust her to help me get through anything. I snuggled up closer to Jamie as I started to relax, like we used to do when we stayed up late to watch a movie when we were little. The next words either of us heard were “Jamie, I’m gay.”

I hadn’t even realized I had spoken until Jamie stopped rubbing my back. I didn’t really know what to expect but the silence that stretched out between us was very unnerving. I started to get up and felt Jamie’s arms tighten around me, not letting me withdraw. After a few minutes she finally responded “You’re right, if this gets back to Dad, you will wish you were dead.” After a few seconds, Jamie casually added in “Ask dad if you can invite Jeff and Tim along, Tim has been asking about Dad’s training for years now. Oh, and don’t say anything to Kevin. Dad and Kevin get along a little to well to trust him with this right now.”

I realized that she was right about not telling Kevin and even about getting Tim to go with Dad and I, but I wasn’t so sure about Jeff going along. I lay there with my head on Jamie’s shoulder mulling over the pro’s and con’s of Jeff going when I realized she hadn’t said anything about how she felt. All of the fear and the pain of rejection from my father tumbled up to the front of my brain as I said “You hate me now, don’t you?” Jamie pushed me up to a sitting position and sat up as well. As we turned to face each other Jamie started her response.

“John, I already told you, we’re family. I still love you and always will. I don’t know enough about homosexuality to have an opinion about it, but what I have heard, doesn’t fit what I know about you. I don’t know how I feel about you being gay and am going to need some time to figure it out. I do know that, given how personal sexuality is, I won’t be saying anything that might give you away.

As Jamie got up and walked around my bed she said, ”We had better get some sleep. Dad won’t let you hide in here all weekend with the lawn needing to be mowed and you are going to have to tell Tim And Jeff what is going on if you want them to go” And with that said, she turned off the light and left my room. So there I was lying on my bed staring at my stars, contemplating what Jamie said as I drifted into a restless sleep.

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