Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2011 22:49:45 -0500 From: J Bark Subject: It Gets Better at camp To a friend that I haven't met, in a place that I don't know, I want to tell you about a place where I didn't fit in. I'm sure your first thought would be school. You wouldn't be wrong, but that's not the place I want to tell you about today. This place, for most people, is a heaven. A place where they get to explore life in its most basic form, letting their imaginations run wild over everything there is to do. Camp. A world of its own and a place where boys and girls have found parts of themselves that they didn't know they had. Counselors encourage the flames of creativity as every turn you are inspired to do something new. This is not the camp that I got to experience. My high school was my own form of hell. I liked books, drama, and didn't like foot ball or soccer. People didn't understand the point in these things, and decided to tell me what I was. By the end of the school year, I couldn't tell you what I felt about myself. I knew that somewhere deep down I was attracted to guys, but I wanted desperately to be attracted girls. Everyone else at my school had taken it upon themselves to call me "Gay", "homo", and "Fag" just to name a few. It wasn't easy, and I hated the way the names made me feel. I didn't have a life, no one wanted to be friends with the assumed gay guy. A few girls ventured toward friends, but only because they wanted a fashion savvy, gossipy girl best friend. I couldn't give them those things. I was quiet and shy; all I wanted to do was get through high school. Then my parents decided that they knew what was best, and thought it would be a wonderful idea to send me to a two week long summer camp with a lot of the kids from my school. I protested, but my dad was adamant about trying to get me to do more things, preferably play a sport. The idea of this camp was awful, so as I sat on the bus on the way to the actual camp, you can imagine how I was feeling. The counselor person that was in charge of the bus told us that we would be assigned to a cabin, and a "camp buddy" for the new kids. Me. This meant that we would be paired with someone older then us, and they would be encouraged to hang with us, pass on traditions, and make our time more fun. This sounded like a horrible idea. As we sat in the Camp opening area, I looked around. I recognized a lot of people and for the most part they had just ignored me. I had imagined a camp having lots more people. There were maybe a hundred, and most all of them were from my school. It was going to be a great two weeks. They called all of the new people one by one and read out who their buddy was going to be. There were perhaps ten new kids, and I was the last on the list. As I stood up they all started whispering, a few snickering. The director read out a name and a small group of boys up front gasped. They immediately started play punching and jabbing at the boy in the middle of them. Saying things that all I caught of were "fag" and "his camp boy friend". This new kid, Andrew, turned looking at me with a half smile half glare. I recognized him only by face. I had seen him around school, but knew nothing about him. I had never given him any more than a passing thought. His friends however, the group he was sitting with, were regulars on my 'to avoid' list. They were main culprits in making my school life hell. I had never seen him say or do anything before, but if he was friends with them I didn't think I was going to like having him as my buddy. He turned back around and the opening ended. My cabin was interesting, typical camp style cabin, and the counselors seemed nice. Both of them welcomed me in and started talking to me instantly. I was impressed with the way they could transition in talking to all of us about all of our interests. One of them even lent me a book that was one of his favorites. My cabin mates seemed okay too, they were all new, and most of them were in my grade so it was pretty much like meeting everyone for real. The next day, after breakfast, I rotated through my various classes. It was really interesting how much there was do at camp, and what you got to do. Boys were cooking as well as playing soccer, and girls were singing as well as learning foot ball. It was great. The one class that I seemed to share with my buddy was an outdoor camping skills class. I wasn't really able to get into right away, and as attempted to create fire from two sticks, knowing perfectly well that I wouldn't be caught dead in the woods without a lighter, he came over. He told me gently that I was doing it wrong, and when I apologize, he smiled at me and told me not to ever apologize for trying. I smiled back. I stood up and brushed my dirty hands off, not only were the sticks dirty, but they were wet. Most everything was wet; the camp was littered with big puddles of mud strewn about in various places. At lunch, Andrew decided he wanted to sit with me. This was interesting, and made me smile a little bit. Unfortunately the rest of his group decided to sit with us as well. Usually I sat with my cabin, but they were forced away because our table was now full. I shot them apologetic glances. It's funny how much I didn't want to be around them. I'm sure you could imagine. These boys were very typical, and being the oldest at camp seemed to give them more power. I had seen them at the edge of the lake the other day, horse playing. They turned it on me for staring. I was furious. Everyone was looking at them, but it somehow made me gay to look at them. Ridiculous. Lunch was almost over, and they decided to join in with Andrew asking me questions. They started politely, well nice enough anyway. Then the jokes started, but they asked them as serious as possible. What's your favorite position? Does it hurt? How wide can you open your mouth? Questions that insinuated so much more than they actually asked. I don't know if you can relate. It was the first time I had heard b.s. like this. I got it in the halls, in the bathrooms, in the locker room and anywhere else boys felt that their masculinity would be questioned. Andrew threw up a hand, and the hushed. Even with that bolt of happiness that he had stopped them, I was still seething. I trashed my plate and left. The rest of the day went without event, which was fortunate. Well I guess that was until it was shower time. I waited until the very last minute to go shower, seeing as they had four stalls and they were usually occupied. I was also looking forward to not running into any of the jerks that would continue to make my life hell. As I walked into the shower, I heard one running toward the end. The end shower was the best, and the most closed off, something that you are made aware of the first night. As I walked by the second to last shower, I paused. If you could see me I'd probably be blushing. The curtain was open. A nicely tanned person was standing with his back to me showering. As if on cue, he glanced over his shoulder at me. The weird thing was, he didn't yell at me or anything with a faint smile, he closed the curtain. I showered next to Andrew, and we stayed quiet. Andrew! I know. The next day probably made camp the worst and best place in my life. I made it all the way to Camping class without incident. Andrew was helping me again, when one of his 'friends' walked up. He was chatting with Andrew ignoring me for the most part. As he glanced at me, he might have seen me watching Andrew. I couldn't help it! He was cute. The boy yelled at me and then shoved me where I landed in a mud puddle, which covered me completely. Like seriously. Covered. I wanted to scream....So I did. It hurt when I tried to stand up too. The boy was shocked, and I'm sure I looked pissed. He backed away. Andrew grabbed me when I stumbled; apparently I had twisted my ankle. I hobbled over to the boy, with assistance:), and grabbed him by the shirt. I asked more or less politely, that the next time he felt like pushing me to go jump off a cliff. Needless to say he was so embarrassed by that instance that he never messed with me again. Andrew helped me to the showers and turned it on for me. He stood by the door and I hobbled in stripping as best as I could. There was a strange contrast between the naked skin and the mud covered. I got down to my underwear and he stood there staring expectantly with his hand outstretched. I stared at him like he was crazy. Do you know what he said? It's only fair. It's only fair! Like I had sneaked a peak at him on purpose. I'm not a shy kid, so I turned away from him, stripping my boxers off and throwing them over my shoulder. I heard him pull the curtain and leave the building. The water felt good, and the mud came off easily. When he came back, he stood outside the curtain and talked to me. He asked me things, and then asked me how I was so brave. I told him he was crazy. He said it was the bravest thing ever to face his friend like that. I stuck my head out looked him. What was he talking about? I didn't understand. Then he looked at me and said maybe I should be brave and he leaned in and kissed me. When he backed away he looked scared, and wasn't looking at me in the face. I was scared too. But you know what. I had already gotten this far, and this guy thought I was brave for standing up to him and he thought it was brave to be gay. I think I agree with him. I know I didn't choose this, that's crap. I know that it won't be easy. All I know is that camp made me realize something. Andrew made me realize something. His friend made me realize something. Being gay is not something that hurts me, idiots are what hurt people. Being gay is your way of finding love. All I know is camp...school...life....IT GETS BETTER. So rock it out. I know I have! Yours truly, JbScrypt Thanks for reading my story. It is a work of pure fiction, sadly. We all need an Andrew in our lives. If you want to email me and comment that would be nice. Jbark217@gmail.com Also if you'd like to read more of my work, or see this one in its original format with pictures please visit my website. www.niftyscrypt.webs.com Thanks!