Caution this ends EXACTLY where chapter 2 left off, I would recommend reading chapter 2 again so you know what is going on.

It Must Be Nice to Disappear
Chapter 3

There are so many stars at night. But sometimes you have to really look for them. They hide behind the backlit haze of the city. In color guard there was a song that seemed like this night. Of course it wasn't a song we could use during one of our shows. It was a song from a Fantasia show in southern California, but it rings in my head every night and day.

It must be nice to disappear,
To have a vanishing act,
Always looking foreword,
Never looking back.

In the desert,
The skies are so clear...and full of stars
It was like ...
It was like fields of flowers in the sky.

I could feel myself crying while gently singing the song to myself. I think about that night, the night I started to hate my dad. I keep asking what I did, where did I go wrong. And every time I come to the same conclusion, all I did was be myself. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could sleep.

School was an escape. A place to get away from my dad and act like someone else. I was good at this acting; I figure I could be a Broadway actor with the kinds of roles I did every day.

My fašade was indestructible, only Sebastian had seen me with no fašade, no act. I'm afraid of my friends, they act way to perfect around me to not be up to something. But it doesn't matter; I have better things to worry about

I walked into school and did my normal morning routine. It was unfortunate that the only time I could shower was at school but there was no way in hell that I was going to attempt to use the shower at my dads' apartment. After I was in my shorts and t-shirt I walked into the gym. This schools gym was no ordinary gym. It was more like a theatre with a basketball court. Stairs ran behind both sets of bleachers and the 40 levels of bleachers made sure that all 4500 students and there parents could comfortably sit.

Jenny, one of my friends in color guard threw me a rifle, and I caught it and walked into the lines for practice. This was my other escape. I could concentrate on what needed to get done and make it look good. I could make it look good, so I was good at all this. I loved doing this. All my other problems melted away while spinning and tossing a rifle.

After practice I changed into my normal blue jeans and a t-shirt with some smart ass saying on it. I walked up the 3 flights of stairs and came into the quad. The enormous concrete and fiberglass roof shielding it from the sun and rain, and also making it look like a giant dungeon. I made my way over to the table and immersed myself into the sea of drama that is normally surrounding this little group of mine.

"Oh my god Nicole, that shirt looks so good on you"

"Thanks Sam, those pants really make you look hot"

Oh great now its fashion time, lucky for me I brought my cd player today. I snapped on my headphones and started to listen to a little mix I made for myself.

~~I remember, we would
We would leave rehearsals on the way to Palm Springs~~

Oh fuck this song again. I skipped it to the next song.

~~If you were here I could deceive you.~~

Wait, where was Sebastian. I took off my headphones and came back into the drama ocean.

"Oh my god Damien that shirt his hilarious"

"Thanks Sam, have you seen Sebastian?"

"Who? You mean the kid, yeah I saw him walk in, I think he's over in his counselors office, but the bell is about to ring so I would chill till break to see him"

Today was art, so I would be seeing him in a bit anyway. But I was a bit worried about the kid; I mean why would he have to go see one of the school counselors. Possibly just to change a class but I really hoped that nothing bad had happened to the kid.

The ear shattering tone of the bell echoed through the quad and the masses emptied into the stairwells and other quads. I myself had to get myself up to room 275.

Art was the same as always, so I put on my headphones and tuned out.

~ Well no one told me about her, the way she lied, well no one told me about her, how many people cried, but its to late to say im sorry, how would I know, why should I care, please don't bother trying to find her, she's not there...~

"DAMIEN, we need you to take Sebastian to the nurse, he cut this hand pretty bad cutting the bamboo for his mobile"

I made myself look annoyed but really I was so worried. I grabbed one of the spare rags and tied it tight around his hand so we wouldn't drip blood on the way to the nurse. We walked into the office and down the hall, our shoes making a click noise on the well-worn linoleum. I opened the door to the health office and immediately Mr. Radford was flipping out.

Sebastian had to go get stitches for his hand, and that made my normally stressful day even worse. I couldn't take it. But now is psychology, one of the most boring classes ever. But I could at least get a little bit of sleep.

Mrs. P (we all called her that because her last name was too god dammed hard to say) was rambling on about something. I fell asleep as usual.

Sometimes open lunch is annoying as hell. As usual Sam, Nicole and me all walked out to my car so we could go get some fast food for lunch.

"Ok girls, its either jack n the box or panda express," I said as we all got into my 98' ford escort.

"Well I'm up for either, ask Sam"

"I am not doing jack, that shit is so gross and I can't eat anything there, I'm vegetarian now"

"Well Sam technically giving head is eating meat" Nicole said.

I chuckled as I drove out of the parking lot.

"God Nicole you can be a bigger bitch than me sometimes"

"Thank you Sam, coming from you that is a huge compliment"


"Girls girls girls, why all this bickering. So Sam doesn't want to eat meat but she wants to give head. My ex used to do the same thing." I interjected to make some peace so I could eat. Unfortunally that plan was to no avail. They kept right on arguing as I stopped paying attention.

On this side of town, there are so many trees and so much grass. The wind is so much less so the trees grow normally not the twisted ominous looking things that grow on the other side of town.

Green reminds me of when my father was a great dad. My best memory of him is us working on a car together. He showed me how to use a welder, and all the tools. We used to make tables, chairs, anything we wanted. He had a good paying job working air conditioning maintenance at some office building in downtown. My mom was better then too, with 2 paychecks life seemed stable. My sister would always help my mom around the house and I would help dad work on his big project.

I remember the first time I ever went through the tunnels. My dad just bought a classic car, a Nova wagon, which we were going to refurbish together. We picked up the car and my mom drove hers back to our house. We barley got the Nova back to our house before the engine completely died. Dad spent 3 weeks trying to get the engine to run again before he gave up. Not long after that my dad got laid off and my mom divorced him. She got custody of me and my sister and dad pawned all his tools and sold his car. I think that's what started him using.

"Damien stop staring into space we got to go or well be late for class," Sam practially yelled into my ear.

"Ok were going."

We all threw our trash into the waste bins and loaded into my car. Sam and Nicole were talking about something in the backseat and I just drove. I got to school before I realized it. I parked and we started back for the gates of the school. We passed through the metal detectors just as the bell to end lunch was ringing.

"Hey girls I meet you here after C block ok?" I said.

"Sure Damien, have fun." They both replied in unison

I made my way up the stairs to the chem. Lab.

"Hey Damien" my lab partner Joey said as I walked to the desk.

"Hey Joey, what's up?"

"Ahh nothing much just sittin here waitin for carver to give us the torture for the day."

Joey was a good guy, not the brightest bulb on the string but he tried. He had a normal family, no huge secret to hide from the world. I don't think I had ever seen him without a smile in my life.

"Welcome students, today we will be analyzing the chemical properties of random objects in the room" Mr. Carver said walking from his office into the room. I just rolled my eyes and started to get my shit out of my backpack.

"Hey girls lets get the hell out of here" I said walking up behind Sam and Nicole.

"Hell yes" Nicole said.

"Couldn't agree more," Sam followed.

We made our way out to my car and we left, to where would be decided later, we just wanted out.

I dropped the girls off after we hung out at the mall for a while. They seemed happy to be home, I was all but furious I had to drive back through those tunnels.

I drove from Nicole's house to the freeway. I passed my old house like I did every day. This time I pulled over and looked at that house. Everything was so much better then. I looked at the clock. If I wanted to get any time for homework I would need to haul ass to my dads and get my shit so I could go to the community college campus and do it.

I lay on that damn roof looking at the stars again.

~ His favorite was the two-headed calf...
The two headed calf...

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this FREAK of nature,
They will wrap his body in newspaper and take him to the museum,

But tonight...

Tonight he is ALIVE and in the north field with his mother.

It is a perfect summers evening.
The moon rising over the orchard,
The wind across the grass,
And when he looks into the sky,
There are twice as many stars...

As usual.~

I was crying mumbling the words to myself. I cried for Sebastian, he was out there somewhere in all kinds of pain because of those stitches he got. And meanwhile I was sitting here in perfect health hating myself because of everthing that has happened.

How nice it must be to disappear.

Comments to . sorry this took so long guys I had a term paper for the end of the year.