Usual disclaimer I will spare you.

It Must Be Nice to Disappear
Chapter 5

The bullet screams through the horizon
The blood red sky cries in agony as another hole is ripped by hate.
The clouds muster and deliver the tears, and cleanse the world of mistrust

"Hello?" I said as I answered my phone.

"Hey Damien its Sebastian, can you come over like fast?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Umm, there is a huge problem at my house right now."

"Ill be over as fast as I can"

I grabbed my keys and was out of my house.

Traffic was backed up getting into downtown where Sebastian lived. I hate when the streets are like parking lots. Slowly, block by agonizing block I made it to his house.

As I pulled up to his house I could see him sitting on the porch. He ran out to my car like an Olympic sprinter. In his doorway I could see his dad screaming at him, and it reminded me way too much of my dad.

"Here, put this on your eye, it'll keep the swelling down. "

"Thanks"

"Now why did your dad go off on you like this?"

"Well he found out a secret I've kept from everyone, even you"

"Well kiddo, you are gonna be staying here for a while so you better start telling your secrets"

"Wait, I'm staying here?"

"You think I would let you go back to that house with your dad, after everything that I've been through, are you stoned?" I was practally yelling at the kid.

"Well no, but still staying at your house, wont your mom notice that I'm here?"

"She doesn't even notice that I'M here. So kiddo whets that lil secret that made all this trouble."

"I can't say it, you will hate me forever."

"Umm, not possible."

"No, I'm sure you would hate me."

"Look kid ill nail your balls to a table if you don't tell me"

He got a little grin at that.

"Well, its just that, well I, I umm like other, you know..."

"Guys?"

"Yeah" he said as he started to cry.

"Sebastian, why are you crying at that, it's just how you are. And besides I'm gay too"

"WHAT???"

"Yeah, I'm gay too, I like dudes, and there are more like us than you would think."

"Like who?"

And that is how it started. I told him about the head quarterback, a few of the gangsters, and other random people that you would not think of being gay. I could tell he was starting to feel better.

"Damien, can I ask you something?"

"Sure kid, shoot."

"Can I see your bruises?"

"Yes" I said in a very low tone.

I slowly removed my shirt and immediately the big black and blue spots that riddled my chest, back and stomach came into view. He looked as though he wanted to touch them to know that they were real.

"Go on kid, just don't push too hard"

His small smooth hands gently moved over my bruises. Tears were streaming freely from both of our eyes now. His hand lingered on one of the many scars running across my chest.

"How did you...?"

"A belt, from when I told my dad to blow smoke out of his ass"

We both chuckled but the mood did not change.

"Who else has seen these Damien?"

"You are the first, come on, its getting late we should get to bed."

We walked out of my bathroom. He left the ice pack on the counter next to my sink. His eye wasn't really swelling that bad, his dad must not have hit him that hard. I threw my dirty shirt into the hamper and put on a wife beater.

"Umm Damien, where should I sleep?"

"Well normally people sleep on a bed, unless you are a monkey and would like to sleep in my closet."

He laughed at that. It was good to see his smile. We both laid down on my bed. It was a cold night so I started to pull the comforter over us. We laid like that for about 5 minutes.

"Damien, I know this is going to sound weird, but can you like, umm..."

"Hold you while you sleep?"

"Yeah"

I moved closer to him and draped my arm over his body. His hand found mine and he soon fell asleep. And not long after, for the first time in 3 years, I did too.

I remember...
We would...

We would leave rehearsals on the way to palm springs.
And he would...
He would insist that we rode with the top down of the car,
All so that he could watch the stars...

...He loved looking at the stars

In the desert...
The sky is so clear...and full of stars...

It was like ...
It was like fields of flowers in the sky

It must be nice to disappear...
To have a vanishing act...
To always be looking foreword...
And never looking back...
How nice it is to disappear...
Float into a mist.
With a young lady on your arm...

You just don't think about those small insignificant moments becoming tomorrow's memories. Memories are all we have left...
...All we have left

Looking for a kiss.

Memories are all we have left. I had just moved from Fresno to Seattle to attend Cornish. I hated the weather, constant rain... I remember a day...
...We were walking in capital hill... And got trapped under an awning by your typical Seattle downpour. I said to him "I miss the ."
He turned to me and said "James...
...Just embrace the rain"

Just embrace the rain

...It must be nice to disappear...
...To have a vanishing act...
...To always be looking foreword...
...Never look over your back...

I know Brian and he...
They would stay up and read poetry to one another...
His favorite was the Two Headed Calf.
He especially related to the story...
...Because he was a bit of a freak of nature...
...We all related to the story.

In the desert...
...The skies are so clear...
...And full of stars.
It was like...
It was like fields of flowers in the sky

He was a ...
Compulsive gardener
When he would come visit for camps...
We would wake up in the morning...
And find him outside...
...Smoking a cigarette...
...And talking to our dog, Bootsie...
... And pulling weeds...
...He bragged and bragged...
About his garden in Bremertin...
He said it was flooded with cucumbers...
Just flooded with cucumbers...
I think that year...
...For Christmas...
...We all got...
...We all got pickles...
...Jars and jars of pickles...
...And now that has gone...
...I...

...I miss the pickles...

His favorite was the two-headed calf...
the two headed calf...
Tomorrow when the farm boys find this FREAK of nature,
they will wrap his body in newspaper and take him to the museum,
But tonight...

Tonight he is ALIVE and in the north field with his mother.
It is a perfect summers evening.
The moon rising over the orchard,
the wind across the grass,
and when he looks into the sky,
there are twice as many stars...

As usual.

He loved looking...

At stars.

And this my friends concludes this journey. Perhaps another time we shall take another one, but for now, sebastian needs some attention as i have been out of bed too long. Now my dear friends i shall say goodnight, and hope all you the best of luck.