Jake looked around and saw nothing but darkness. He knew he was in a parking lot somewhere; but where? Suddenly a streetlight flicker on and engulfed the darkness. Looking around, Jake realized the familiar parking lot outside of the Buffalo Wild Wings Jake and Ryan were a week ago. The complete still of the night was broken by the thud of footsteps getting louder as whoever it was advanced on Jake. Turing towards the noise, Jake saw a dark figure moving towards him slowly. He let out a sigh of relief when the light shone on the dark figure, revealing David. Jake’s relief quickly diminished as David approached; anger burning in his eyes.
“How could you?” David yelled.
“Why do you care?” Jake screamed back.
“I love you.”
“Fuck you. That’s bullshit!”
“No it’s not.”
“You fucking broke up with me.”
“Hey.” Came a voice behind them. Two sets of eyes turned towards the voice and another approaching figure. Soon Ryan was into view.
“You fucking son of a bitch.” David yelled, running towards Ryan. Balling his hand into a fist, David swung forward. His fist flew through the air closing in on Ryan…
Jake opened his eyes and tried to figure out where he was. A few moments later he realized that he was in his bed and that a nightmare had awoken him. Looking over at the dimly lit green numbers, his clock read: “3:15” Turning his head back to face the ceiling, Jake lay there thinking about his nightmare. “What does it mean? Am I hurting David? Do I care for Ryan? Does David care for me?” He thought. “Fuck this. Why can’t it be easy?” Jake rolled over and tightly closed his eyes, trying to push his thoughts out and force sleep upon himself.
Jake woke up at 11:45 the next morning. Groggily he got out of bed, and slowly walked to the shower. Getting in the shower, he stepped under the warm spray, hoping that it would wash away all these thoughts he was having. It had been a week since Ryan and he kissed. In that moment he felt good again; the hurt he had been feeling was gone. But now all he felt was guilt. Ryan seemed like a great guy. The two of them talked on the phone and through Yahoo Messenger for hours on end. Ryan really cared about Jake, and he knew that. But still, he felt guilty. He felt like being happy was hurting David. Jake knew he was still in love with David. And only wanted him. But what were these feelings towards Ryan?
“Fuck!” Jake yelled out as he punched the shower wall. Trying to regain himself, Jake grabbed the shampoo and lathered his hair. Putting his head directly under the spray, he could feel the hot water run down his face. Tightly closing his eyes he tried to think about something else; but to no avail. Frustrated, Jake got out of the shower, got dressed and went downstairs to get breakfast.
“Someone woke up late.” Jake’s mom said, as Jake walked into the kitchen.
“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.” Jake answered.
“Oh. You ok?”
“Yeah. Fine.” Jake lied.
“Hey. So where is David? I never see him around anymore.”
Hearing his name sent a stabbing pain to Jake’s chest. Closing his eyes to keep cool, Jake said, “Yeah. He’s been busy.”
“Oh. Ok. Well I have to go to the store. Your dad had to go to work.”
“Ok. Bye Mom.”
Later that night after dinner, Jake lay on his bed trying hard to figure out what he wanted. All of a sudden a ringing brought him back to the present. Looking over at his nightstand, Jake picked up his phone and answered it.
“Hey Jake. It’s Ryan.”
“Oh. Hey. Wat’s up?”
“Hey listen this Friday there’s a party and I want to know if you wanted to go.”
“Haha. A college party?”
“Yes. A college party.”
“No I don’t think I can.” Jake said, thinking about David.
“I...just…with David…I just can’t.”
“I understand Jake.”
“It’s ok. I know what you mean it’s tough.”
Jake and Ryan talked for another hour about David. Ryan really seemed to understand what Jake was going through. The hurt he was feeling. At the end of their conversation Jake felt better. But he could not help but feel something else: A sadness that Ryan was gone and that they could not talk any longer.
Although the phone call helped; it also made things worse. Jake longed to see Ryan again. He felt sad and upset that Ryan was at State; which was over an hour away. He also felt upset because a part of him felt like he was betraying both David and Ryan: David because flirting or kissing another guy other than David felt wrong. And Ryan because he was giving him false hope; he made Ryan think that there could be something between the two. But could there be?
Jake got off the bed and walked over to his desk. Sitting down, he pulled his homework out of his backpack. He hated math, but right now anything was better than thinking about the past few weeks.
An hour later Jake sat back in his chair and looked over his homework. He was glad that he was finished, but quickly thoughts of David crept into his mind. Grabbing his iPod and stuffing the headphones into his ears, Jake hit play.
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
I honestly believed in you
The days drag on
I should've known, I should've known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Jake tried to hold back the tears, but he knew he had lost everything he ever cared for. His whole world meant nothing without David. Shutting eyes hard, Jake let the hurt out.
************************************************************************ The next morning Jake was violently awoken by the beeping of his alarm clock. Taking a moment to gather himself, Jake must have been so worn out from all the emotional stress that he fell asleep without even remembering. Slowly Jake crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. “You look like shit.” He said to himself, as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy. Dark circles underneath made the red stand out even more. His hair was disheveled and sticking all over the place.
Jake pulled himself into the shower and let the water erase all remnants of the previous night. Although the warm water felt good on his sensitive skin, he knew that he needed to get ready for school.
Wrapping a towel around his waist, Jake looked at himself in the mirror. He hated who he had become. He hated being a hollow mass. He hated feeling sorry for himself. “I’m going to get him back.” He said to himself confidently.
Jake quickly got dressed and went downstairs to have breakfast. He was too eager to really eat anything, so he chewed on a granola bar. He was on a mission. A mission to get his man back. Running out the door, and into his car, Jake was on his way to school.
Arriving twenty minutes later, Jake parked where he normally did in the senior parking area and made his way to the quad to find David.
“Jake. Jake.” Came a voice from behind him.
Turning to see who it was Jake saw a girl with long dark red hair walking towards him.
“Hey Jake.” She said, catching up to him. “How are ya?”
“Good Portia. And you?”
“Good. How was your weekend?”
“Pretty good, I guess. You?”
“Good. Lemme guess you and David hung out.”
“Wow really? You two are like inseparable.”
“Nope. Haven’t seen him lately.”
“Oh. Must be cuz he’s going out with Megan again.”
“You didn’t know?”
“Oh. Wow. They started going out last week. He asked her back.”
“Oh. I see.” Jake said, trying hard to keep a straight face. “How could David betray me like that? Did I mean nothing to him?”
“Jake, you haven’t said anything. You ok?”
“Yeah. Sorry got a lot on my mind. Sorry, I gotta go.” Jake said, quickly walking away. Reaching the guy’s restroom, Jake went in and locked himself in a stall. “Be strong.” He said to himself, as he tried to stay cool.
A few minutes later the first bell rang, and thankfully Jake had himself under control again. Taking a deep breath, he got out of the stall, ran to his locker, grabbed his things and went to class.
School seemed to fly by since Jake could barely pay attention. His thoughts were preoccupied with David. “How could he ask her out? We were only apart for a week?” Every minute that ticked by Jake got more and more depressed.
When he got home, his depression turned to anger. He really thought that what David and he had was something special; something that would last. Jake was angry at himself for believing that it would last, that it meant something. He was also angry for letting it ruin him the way it had. Why was he letting David make him feel so bad? If he obviously didn’t care for him, why should Jake?
Picking up his phone, he dialed Ryan’s number.
“Hey. Yes, I’ll go.”
“Huh? Go where?”
“The party. I’ll go.”
“Oh. Ok cool. What changed your mind?”
“Oh. Ok. You sure you’re ok?”
“Ok. So how about you come to my apartment an hour before the party. I got class until 5.”
“Ok. Sounds good.”
“Cool. But listen, I would love to talk but I got an essay due tomorrow I haven’t started.”
“See ya Friday, Ryan.”
Hanging up the phone, Jake felt a little better. Something about Ryan made him feel good. The way his voice seemed to calm Jake down. “What am I doing? Do I like him? Or am I just using him to get back at David? Fuck I’m a mess.” Jake put his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.
The rest of the week seemed to fly by. Jake avoided thinking about David as much as he could. As it grew closer to Friday, Jake started to become a bit nervous. Something about Ryan was different. The way he cared for Jake, and the way he made him feel. It was just different.
Finally Friday evening arrived, and Jake made his way to State. As Jake got closer, he grew more nervous and more excited. Pulling into the parking lot outside Ryan’s apartment, Jake dialed Ryan’s number and asked him to meet him outside.
A few minutes later Ryan appeared in the parking lot and walked over to Jake, giving him a hug. Jake gave him a hug back; feeling oddly happy in Ryan’s embrace. It was as if it just felt right, as if it should be.
“How was the drive?” Ryan asked, as the two walked over to Ryan’s apartment.
The apartment complex was like any other one Jake had seen. Rows of green apartments with white trim faced the parking lot. Ryan’s apartment was the last one facing a park on one side and on the other a pool. His seemed more secluded than the rest. Opening the door, Jake saw that it was bigger than he had imagined. It was a town home and not a simple apartment like he thought it would be. Directly in front of them was the living room with a couch against a wall facing a TV. In the far corner was what seemed to be the dining room that faced an opening that Jake thought was the kitchen. Facing the doorway, was a set of stairs leading upstairs to the three bedrooms.
“You know, you’re lucky.” Ryan said, taking a seat on the couch.
“My roommates are all out of town. So for once I have full control of the TV.”
“Haha. I see. Well what should we watch?”
“You pick. The party will start in like two hours.” Ryan said, handing over the remote.
Jake switched channels until he reached a marathon of CSI. The two of them talked, making small talk here and there. Half way through the second episode, Ryan excused himself to go upstairs and change.
When Ryan came back downstairs, Jake could not help but check him out. His tight shirt showed off his physique well. Smiling that killer smile, Ryan gave Jake a wink. “Well we should get going.”
“Ok.” Jake said, turning off the TV and getting up.
Jake and Ryan made their way outside and onto the main street. Ryan told Jake that the party was only two complexes over in and that walking would be quicker; since parking sucked. The night had cooled down a lot in the past two hours, but somehow Jake was comfortable being outside with Ryan. Ryan seemed to make the pain of loosing David and the hollowness he felt go away. “Oh my God. Am I falling for him?” Jake thought.
“You’re quiet. What ya thinking?”
“Huh. Oh nothing.”
“You sure?” Ryan said in a teasing tone.
“Yes.” Jake said, smiling.
“Well here it is.” Ryan said, pointing to a much larger apartment than Ryan’s that definitely had a party inside.
When they arrived, the party was already in full swing. College students drinking out of signature red Solo cups were everywhere. It was funny that such an apartment could hold that many people. Most of the people were crowded around the kitchen where a slew of handles of alcohol littered the countertop. Ryan and Jake snaked their way into the kitchen; stopping here and there to greet someone and Ryan to introduce Jake.
Once getting their drinks, the two made their way to the much less crowded living room. Finding space at a couch, Jake and Ryan sat down. Ryan turned to talk to what Jake overheard to be a student Ryan had shared a class with last term. Every now and then, Ryan’s knee would rub up against Jake; sending a spark of horniness through Jake every time. Jake didn’t know if it was the alcohol, or the fact that it had been weeks since Jake was with another guy that was making him so horny. Blood started to rush down his body, quickly making his cock rise. Not wanting Ryan to see, Jake quickly got up hiding his erection the best he could, he excused himself to the bathroom.
Making sure Ryan wasn’t looking Jake walked passed the bathroom and slipped out the back door into the yard. People huddled close to the doorway, talking and smoking. Walking past them in the other corner, Jake saw a couple making out. “God I miss him.” Jake thought to himself as those feelings of being alone and depression hit him like a ton of bricks. Jake reached a secluded spot in the yard and sat on the bench. Letting out a sigh, Jake thought back to David and all he meant.
“Mind if I sit her?” Came a familiar voice.
“Sure.” Jake said, looking up at Ryan.
“You ok Jake?” he said in a concerned tone, taking a seat.
“I just miss him. So much.” Jake said, trying to stay strong.
“I know. Jake it’s hard. It really is. I know what you mean. I was where you are. I still miss my ex. Sometimes I miss him so much it’s almost unbearable. But you need to realize what happened happened for a reason. It took me a long time to figure that out, but you will too. What do you think David wants?”
“What do you mean?”
“You say he loved you?’
“Yeah. I know he does.”
“Well then he wants you to be happy.”
“I suppose. I mean he was always my best friend. I know he wants me to be happy.”
“Well than do you think he wants to see you like this? Unhappy?”
“No. I suppose.”
“Yeah. In time you will be able to move on.”
They sat there in silence as Jake thought over everything that Ryan said. Ryan was right. David loved him, he was sure of that. They had been best friends. And although David was with Megan, David did try to make sure Jake was alright. Remembering what Portia had said one night about David asking about him, showed that. Maybe he too needed to move on. Maybe it was for the best.
And what about Ryan? He really did care for him. What if what he said was right? What if the two meeting was part of some bigger reason? Thinking hard Jake could not deny that he was attracted to Ryan. That when they were together, Jake felt happy and safe. Maybe it was time to let go.
Jake looked over at Ryan and reached out and grabbed his hand. Interlacing his fingers with Ryan’s Jake leaned in. “Maybe you’re right.” He whispered.
“About?” Ryan asked, startled.
“This.” Jake whispered as he leaned in further, putting his lips against Ryan’s. Sliding his free hand up the side of Ryan’s arm, he gently held it to Ryan’s face. Opening his mouth, Jake let Ryan’s tongue slip in. After a few minutes of intense making out, Jake broke the kiss and looked deep into Ryan’s blue eyes. “How about we go somewhere more private?”
“You sure?” Ryan asked concerned.
“Yes. You’re right.”
“Moving on.” Jake answered, getting up and pulling Ryan with him. “Now let’s go back to your place.”
Author’s Notes: First, please Email me at: email@example.com for any comments, suggestions, etc. Also check out “Discovering Love”, “Struggle to See Each Other Again” and “My Little Turtle” my other stories on here under the High School section.
Secondly, I have a website that all my stories are, along with updates on when other chapters are read, and a newer version of “My Little Turtle.” So check that out at writerryan.blogspot.com
The song used is White Horse by Taylor Swift