Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2003 23:26:29 +0200 From: Jason Subject: Jay to Jay THIS IS A STORY ABOUT TWO BOYS WHO FALL IN LOVE. IF THIS IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, USE YOUR BACK BUTTON OR GO AWAY. Copyright 2003. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PREFACE: Hi there... Well this is my first story and the first chapter. I should warn you it will take me about two months to do a chapter, college is hectic! There are several dedications I just MUST do... Firstly to the man and internet dad who gave me the idea and motivation I needed to become a family member on nifty, hehe. Obviously some advertising here -- read my internet dad's story -- it's called David and Tristan.. I strongly advise you!!! Writing this story has been very hard, because much of it is based on dreams of what is supposed to have come of my own life.. And the last few months have been emotionally draining. S.S (Clark) -- you know you fit in here a great deal. I hope that in the future what went wrong will go away, but a lot of love went into this chapter, and when things went wrong it was really hard to finish this... All you other readers -- APPRECIATE it, this story cost me some tears! ;) it would have been out sooner, but unfortunately I made a little glitch that needed rectification. Okay, I need to note that I will do these preface thingies, but you don't have to read them -- but please do email me from time to time so I know I'm on the right track :)... Lastly, a mighty hello to the strength in my life, my family, friends and loved ones... There is some new hope for me people, wish me luck! Mail me sometime at thap@ananzi.co.za :) CHAPTER 1 MY name is JayJay... Ok, not really, but almost everyone actually calls me that. My real name is Jason, but my surname also starts with a J, so people just generally started calling me JayJay, and it has become kind of a trade mark to me. So I guess I must describe myself, so you can put a face to my name hey? My hair is a brown blonde colour, kind of like dirt blonde, hehe. I am about 1.69 metres tall and weigh 57 kg. From that you can deduct that I have a fairly average to small build, and I'm quite glad I am so light. My legs are my speciality, they are the one thing I get many compliments for. I shave my legs, because I love having them smooth, and my friends (girls) all like it aswell, hehe. To compliment my legs I love my new swim shorts, pitch black with a white pocket that has this picture of Einstein on it. I don't know why, but it just makes them look really really cool and unique. My eyes are green with a sort of shade of grey in them, and I have to say -- I love eyes. They are the windows to one's soul... I am one hell of a shy kind of guy, not really outgoing or outspoken. Liberal yes, but outspoken, no. My friends often ask me why I'm so quiet, but basically it's only that I like to observe what they are doing rather than make myself the centre of attention. Girls trust me a lot, since I am always the one dragging their secrets out of them and helping them deal with their problems. That's one thing I'm good at, excepting my own problems! People trust me, or so they say. Trust is not easy after people fail you a few times. Passionate is one way to describe me, and reserved is another. Probably my best school talent though is public speaking, which is quite surprising for someone as quiet as me! I am very good at preparing speeches or getting a point of view across to other people, which has been one very important part of me. My most important thing is helping others. Too much perhaps, sometimes, because I can never say no. It's not that I'm nice or anything, but I don't like it when other's aren't doing well and I always try to help them. Like when girls in my classroom got pregnant or their boyfriends leave them, they always talk to me. Whatever the problem, and it always helps to be able to be there for someone. I want to be there for people as much as I can. I think it's because I want so much for someone to care a lot about me, so I do act out what I'm looking for. Also probably because of the semi-traumatic childhood I had, I think I matured really quickly to deal with real world problems, and just have a knack for helping others. That is the best I have to get others into my circle, to try and be needed by them. I need so many people and I want to be needed aswell... So here I am, in Sedgefield, a small holiday town on the south coast of South Africa, taking my evening walk on the beach as I try to get as many breaks as I can from my family. The crash of the water relaxes me, and makes me wonder why we never lived close to the ocean. This is but the second time in my life I get to enjoy the relaxing cool air that washes over me, feel calm while the water rages mere metres away from where I am. It's a rather hot day, and as usual I am alone and bored. This walk is amazing -- especially during sun set, but sometimes I wish I was not so alone here. I feel incredibly lonely... As those thoughts run through my mind the corner of my eye causes me to shift my attention to an opening in the dunes that separate the beach from the town, from which I can hear an angry female scream... Moments later she comes stomping over the dunes, obviously incredibly unhappy -- the fury actually making me afraid to look too long. She is wearing a white blouse, trying to button it up with difficulty as she half falls over the dunes to get away from wherever it is she came from. The expression on her face shows no embarrassment, so her anger must be so enraged she doesn't even realize me staring at her predicament. Her skirt is also untidily strapped on her body and she is carrying her bra and shoes in her hands -- a complete mess. About half a minute after she came rushing by I hear a cute boyish voice, but with an angry and fearful effect to it coming from the dunes... Soon afterwards a blonde boy comes running out, ash blonde hair, trying to close his button on his jeans as he is running after the girl. `Melissa! Melissa, please wait, I'm sorry, I -- I... MELISSA!' over and over the boys screams try to make the girl turn around, but they are all in vain. I know this is drama, but I cannot help but notice the gorgeous upper body this boy had... And guess what -- I've ALWAYS been a sucker for blondes! He is absolutely gorgeous from where I can see, so it is with difficulty that I tear myself away from newly developing fantasies and begin to pay attention to the situation at hand. I hear the girl mutter a few cursing words in the distance, but it is barely audible with the crashing of the waves and the distance she has made so far. The boy is obviously half tripling after here, but seems to give up as he comes down to his knees, a distraught look covering his face. I immediately forget my shyness, the first thing coming to mind is that I should see if he is okay. As I come running nearer he barely notices me until I am almost by his side, and from nearby I can see blood steps for a few meters up to where he is slumped on the beach sand... Fortunately for him Sedgefield is a fairly quiet place, and usually during this time of day holiday makers are either at some of the larger beaches or somewhere in an air conditioned environment. So we are alone except for Melissa trailing off into the distance. `Uhhh, are you allright?' I stutter suddenly realizing I'm nervous being next to such a good looking boy.. He looks up at me, and you can't miss it, those light blue eyes! My mind wanders again for a few moments as I realize that not only is this boy cute and blonde, BUT HE HAS BLUE EYES!!! My knees want to show themselves becoming weak, but I manage to jerk myself back to reality and try to help him... He looks at me for a few seconds, looks down, and mutters something about stepping on a sharp broken piece of glass. The cut is deep but I can't resist asking what happened back there, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Man, I messed up so bad right now. I can't believe this just happened, now it's for real! FUCK!" He is yelling now, obviously realizing as certain facts begin to set in, that something really bad might come from this. I look at him deeply in the eyes, with a lot of concern.. "What happened back there, please tell me, I am good at listening.." He probably figured he wouldn't see me again since he lives far away from Sedgefield -- just another holidaymaker. He did hesitate a few moment's... then began his story. "I've known Melissa for about 4 months now, she's my sister's best friend. Ever since she's known my sister she has tried to come on to me, saying how cute I am and how much she likes me. Just before we came on holiday she asked if I would go out with her, and be her boyfriend. I wasn't sure but I guess I wanted to change, so I said yes, and obviously my parents agreed that she may come with us to Sedgefield. She wanted to keep me, I know she did. So since we have been here she has been nagging ME to have sex with her, to bring us close together, saying she never wants to let me go. I don't think it's unusual -- but I was scared, so I tried to avoid it. But she just kept on, so in the end I gave in and decided that I have nothing to lose really. That brings us to today, we were taking a walk on the beach, heading for a place surrounded by shrubs behind that dune. I hadn't planned on it today, but once we were there, she started kissing me wildly, and said now we have to do it. I didn't refuse, because now I just didn't want to argue anymore, today was such a good day. We were getting undressed, but as I was getting naked I noticed I just wasn't horny. I'm so embarrassed telling you this! Anyway, I sat there, starting to get red, that I was not hard. She didn't stop and started trying to make me hard by kissing me more and rubbing her breasts in my face, and I tried to, but I felt irritated rather than horny. She started screaming and swearing at me. Asking me why the fuck I can't get it up.. and I just looked at her. She hit her fists against my chest and started screaming and hitting over and over -- I couldn't handle it anymore and yelled at her that I'm gay. She looked shocked for a few seconds, but her shock didn't last long. The next thing I know is that she's jumping to get dressed, kicking sand at me and saying things which I guess was supposed to degrade all humanity. When she wasn't too naked anymore she left, still cursing me. It took me too long to regain myself, and manage to get my jeans on so I could run after her. She won't stop, she doesn't want to listen. She hates me now. I cut my foot running after her.. FUCK MY FOOT HURTS!!!" It's almost as if he had forgotten about his foot, but he suddenly started cringing as the pain rippled through his body and expressed itself on his face. I started helping him up, and said "Get up -- I'm Jason, I'll take you to our chalet, my mom can help you, what's your name and where do you live?" "Ow, thanx, ow ow ow! Thanx a lot dude. My name's Justin. Are you sure your mom won't mind?" He was blurting things out really quickly, focusing on the words that expressed the pain. I just told him it's okay, I knew my mother would only try and help. I wasn't really even thinking about that, because my horny mind could only focus on the fact that this hot boy was being half carried as I supported him on the soft beach sand to where the road is. I half stuttered "Uhm, when must we take you home, do you live far?" I wanted to know if he lived close by, I was definitely planning on seeing him again now! "Our holiday resort is a few hundred metres past the rock peninsula, not too far from here, but I'm not going home. I know Melissa, by now she's told my whole family, to turn them against me..." He was obviously afraid to go home, not knowing if he still had a family. I supported him all the way to our resort, and up the stairs to our chalet, asking him little questions about where he lived and how old he was, and what things he liked. I gathered he was also 18, from Joburg, same city as us, but on the other side of the city. He had just finished school and was telling me he was going to college to study business management. I told him a little bit about myself, expressing things we already had in common and how excited that made me, and telling him about my future plans -- I was going to attend Advertising school after the vacation. We tripled up the stairs into the chalet.. "Mom! Come here quick, someone needs help!" My mother suddenly appeared from the bedroom they were using -- looked at us a few seconds to assess why the sudden distress in my voice, and noticing it to be a medical injury she grabbed the first aid and rushed over to where Justin was. "Honey, what happened to your foot!? Please dear lay in the couch so we can get it cleaned up.. Jay -- fetch a bowl of water please, hurry, luke warm!" My mother was quickly taking control and obviously very concerned rather than wondering who the hell I just brought in our holiday resort. I was quick to gather things and heard my mother ask Justin the main questions -- his name, his age and obviously what he did to his foot. Justin briefly explained what she wanted to hear, but she interrupted him every few minutes warning him something may hurt. She got the wound neatly cleaned up, but I couldn't look at it too long, it made me sick -- I get sick very easily at the sight of blood. Then I heard my mother ask "What happened -- why don't you look where you're running my boy?" I didn't think much of the question, but Justin's answer nearly through me off my feet.. "Ma'am, I kinda told my girlfriend I'm gay, and she wasn't too happy about it, so I ran after her." I was white with shock -- I couldn't believe he just blurted out to my mother like that that he was gay..! I saw my mother look at me a few seconds, fear making me ice cold, and then suddenly a small smile before attending to Justin's foot again. I was so jumpy now, I tried to look for a getaway, I needed to get out. Then I realized Justin's things were still on the beach... so I quickly told them somebody needed to get it, and I took off, running out the chalet as fast as my feet would take me. When I was far enough I started walking at a gentle pace, thinking and registering what had just happened. My mother knew I was gay, but it always made me uncomfortable, and she probably thought I was messing around with Justin, but I just met him! So you can imagine my worry about being confronted by my mother about this. Justin probably wasn't thinking too good since he's blurting out such a secret so unworriedly, but then again, my mother has a knack for making strangers feel like her own children. Then suddenly I leap into the air, oblivious to who is standing around me (fortunately there were only some people in the distance) -- this was a leap of joy! I had made a friend. I mean, Justin! WOW! He's like soooo hot, cute, and -- and, GAY! He doesn't live too far, so maybe I can see him often, and maybe he likes me! I already loved his body, his eyes, his hair, and oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I never even mentioned his voice! His voice has this soft almost smooth but with a teenaged rough to it, it sounds sooooooo cute! I was developing a hellava crush on this guy. I tumbled over the dune and down the beach to the opening in the dune where Justin's remaining clothes lay. He had fairly nice clothes, which I picked up, along with his slip on shoes, and started slowly making my way back down the beach. I could barely hide my excitement, but at the same time fear, as I started treading back to the chalet... I heard my mother, stepfather and Justin sitting on the porch, laughing and having lively conversation. Obviously he settled right in with my family, and they seemed to enjoy his company (way more than mine -- I only ever argue!!!)... They all greeted me with wide smiles on their faces, and Justin with a slight twinkle in his eyes, and he tried to get up when I got there. Shyly I muttered hello to everyone, trying to avoid anyone before they started asking questions, and just asked if Justin would like to come to my room and get dressed. I rushed inside not giving him time to answer, and he followed me inside, looking quite boyish and slightly lost and confused, but still contempt. The feelings I was experiencing were quite weird. I was still high on adrenalin I think, so maybe I would consider things round bed time. HEY! I just remembered something! I suddenly turned to face Justin as he walked into the room and blurted out: "Why don't you sleep here tonight, my stepbrother is sleeping over at a new friend's house, his bed will be empty! PLEASE!" I was pleading with him, not even thinking of hiding my excitement. I soon realized my stupidity and my obvious desperation, "Sorry Jus, I didn't mean to sound so stupid!" I wacked my hand on my forehead and blushed a little at my continuation of unusual behaviour, but all Justin could do was giggle at me, smiling widely with lit up blue eyes. I was frozen with embarrassment, muttering how stupid he must think I am, and he's probably leaving me now, lost in my thoughts. At that moment I started thinking he'd go away from me, thinking I was crazy, when SUDDENLY I was jerked into reality as I felt his lips briefly kiss mine for a moment... I literally became STIFF frozen, my eyes stretched wide open, in total shock staring at him as he slowly moved his lips away again, a slight look of uncertainty on his face, but somehow hope covering his eyes. I looked at him deeply, wanting to mutter something about God, but nothing came out. His expression was becoming worried, and uneasy, I could see fear covering him. Then it hit me, he's probably afraid I didn't feel the same, so I did the first thing that came to mine, I flew him into my arms and clung onto him begging him not to go. I was begging so hard I began to cry, and oh my gosh he felt so warm, so good. He hugged me back, and I felt so safe and fulfilled. He was strong, and nobody had ever made me feel as safe as he did -- the flurry of emotions making me shiver slightly -- while what was left of my logical thinking tried to conceive what was happening... We let go soon afterwards, Justin looking at me slightly confused, enquiring what was wrong. I looked at him deep in the eyes -- so that he could see I meant what I said, and I blurted out my feelings at that moment... "Jus, it's just, wow, you know, I've never had a guy come to me first, and never met someone as beautiful as you. It's as if you are like the nicest guy I have ever met, and I am so madly falling in love with you. You are everything so far. I know I know, you hardly know me and I hardly know you, that's why I'm so scared. I don't know where this is going to go and I don't want to let go of this fantasy I find myself holding on to." Justin stared at me for a moment -- and whispered in that soft cute voice of his "Jay, don't worry man. I promise I think I feel the same way. I don't know, I've never been with a guy. I just know I like you, you helped me so much... I can see you've got a good heart. So now it's your soul I want to know, but that will take time. I intend to stick around if you'll let me. Tonight we can get to know each other all night, your mom already said I can stay. I like you, and I think I might even love you... I was afraid you wouldn't like me because you don't know me. I don't want to let you go..." Justin got dressed, he wasn't even shy in front of me! Gosh if that was me I'd go to the bathroom, but he acted as if we were boyfriends already. He had set me at ease when he said he wants to get to know my soul... that it would take time. That meant he wanted to love me for a long time, not just another week like most guys... gee that sounds funny come to think about it. Justin was really special, really really special already. Somehow I could sense him being sensitive, but composed and strong. His physical strength made me feel reassured, and his friendliness towards me already put me at a very good comfort level.. I asked him what he'd told my mother, and he told me the last thing I expected. My mother had asked him whether we were boyfriends, and obviously he said no -- that he had just met me. My mother was oh so nice and told him I was also gay, and she thought I needed a friend, perhaps more than just a friend. "MY MOTHER SAID THAT?!" I suddenly half yelled out of surprise.. "wow, wow, wow!" I found myself in another state of shock, but in a half joyful one... my mother actually helped me find a guy! I made a mental note to thank her some day (if things worked out) then I looked back at Justin, and realized how his blue eyes were just different every time I saw them. They seemed to absorb me, as if they connected with my soul and just drew me into his soul. I was sitting there, taking in his beauty and just living in the moment... He stared back at me, with a deep intense gaze, but a slight smile on his face, to show happiness was in his mind body and soul. This was all so unbelievable to me.. I mean, at that moment it was already a lot to consume. But somehow I knew that it was okay to take a blind leap of faith and trust Justin. There was something different about him. Honesty in him. Genuine love, I could sense it. I knew from the beginning that something about us just really fits well. I was so sure we would be together a long long time. Justin actually seemed like a guy who wanted me, who wanted to love me, and only me, for a long time. Other guys wanted to sleep around. I was never good enough for them. I don't know. We spent the rest of the evening in my room, sitting on one of the single beds, at opposite ends, facing each other, quietly talking, getting to know each other. I was telling Justin about my life and he told me about his... I had some really emotional moments and by the end of the night I was lying in his lap, getting really tired. A lot of the things we spoke about was pretty deep. I shared with him some of my worst memories, from childhood and from not too long ago. I told him how it hurt when my parents would scream and fight, sometimes getting physical. I told him how it felt when my parents divorced, the arguments that went around that, and how they pulled us apart between them. I told him about when my mother met her boyfriend, and how she sort of abandoned us back then.. I told him about the fights she and her boyfriend had, how I had problems when he moved in our house, and then his son. I told him about the night I had a gun in my direction. These were events I had carried with me so long. I have told people about them before, it's not as if it was some really really huge secret, although I still only told really few people. But Justin held me, he comforted me. When I told him it felt like I was finally letting go of my past. As for my mother, she didn't abandon us, she just sort of lived around us for a while, as if we didn't exist. I had learnt to become quite independent of her at that time. But now things are better than ever. I am not entirely sure how things changed but my mother is the best mother in the world right now and I love her like a million. Justin is amazing. The whole time I was telling him this his expression on his face showed he really cared. He held me tight, let me cry in his arms. There is nothing as powerful as when someone holds you safe. I love him. I really love him... Justin told me his secrets too, most weren't too serious, but it was clear Justin had spent much of his life being an Angel to others. When his cousins or his friends went through tough times Justin would be the one to help them through those times. He was really caring, which I found very very special. I knew he had a good heart, right there and then. I kept his gaze whenever I could, often exchanging a kiss to show I meant my feelings for him, and often it was passionate. He told me about how his family was always so picture perfect. His father had died a year and a half ago in a car accident, but his mother was coping well on her own with her children. He was really unsure of how to live the future because his mother would probably hate him now. Melissa has the power to destroy him, and he was sure she had already used it. It was my turn to comfort Justin. He told me about when his father died. Justin and his father were really very close. His father had to work late the one night, and on his way home was driving through heavy weather. He somehow hit a pool of water, slid around and smashed into another car. Unfortunately he didn't survive, and when they got the news later that night Justin broke down in pieces. While Justin was opening up to me I could see all the pain was still inside him. I wanted to hold him and protect him and I made positively sure I would help Justin through this all... Soon we were just too tired to keep talking and without even thinking we just drifted to sleep in each other's arms on that single bed in the dimmed light... which I switched off a few hours later.. hehe. I woke up first the next morning, feeling quite relaxed but fazed. Then suddenly my eyes stretched wide open with shock as I realized there was someone else in my bed! Seconds later I began to come to and remembered Justin... He was holding me, and it was the most amazing feeling... I felt so safe... But let's face it, we never bathed the night before, I mean, REALLY! So I turned around in his arms, waking him up with my movement, and a tired face reveled as beautiful blue eyes began to appear from underneath Justin's eyelids. I stared at his eyes in awe for a few seconds as he smiled at me, then I gently kissed him on the forehead... I had barely broken away from there when I suddenly burst down and began tickling him like crazy.. *giggle* He was extremely ticklish, but soon discovered I was too, as he tried to tickle me at the same time. I was laughing loudly and uncontrollably as I tried to roll us out of the bed so that I could escape. Justin grabbed me on to the bed and held me down on my back as he began to tickle me while pinning me down... I was desperately trying to escape but laughing my ass off so hard I couldn't move! He then pressed my arms down and smacked a massive kiss on my forehead, then motioned for us to get cleaned up... As I opened the door to the bedroom my mother was about to knock, holding a bag in her other hand. "Oh, you're up and going, *giggle*..." "Yeah right mom, as if you didn't know that before.. So, anything special?" I had a half smile on my face, and my mom was smirking quite widely. Something strange was in my mother's aura. You would expect a mother to be really edgy at a time like this, but there was something different about my mom. I just shrugged and asked what was her motive for knocking on my door, in a friendly tone of course! "Oh honey, nothing special, I just figured Justin wouldn't be going home just to get freshened up, so I bought him a few essentials like tooth brush and hair brush. He can use some of your clothes today, and then we need to have a little discussion, just the three of us." I was worried, but my mother seemed friendly enough, so it couldn't be too serious. I took the items, as Justin and I headed for the shower... We decided the first and foremost thing to do is get our teeth cleaned, which we did quite quickly. Properly but promptly. Then I turned on the water, and that was followed by the awkward moment. We stood there, nervously looking at each other. He had never been with a guy like this before, so I can understand him feeling like he did, even though he is more forthcoming than I am. Then I decided that I have nothing to be afraid of, so I walked forward to Justin, smacked a massive kiss on his lips, added some tongue and began to undress his clothes... Justin was slightly shocked, nerves and all, but after a few seconds regained his confidence and he followed suit. He pulled my T-shirt over my arms and head, and then more and more kissing, while his hands roamed my back and down the back of my pants, grabbing my ass... He unbuttoned my pants from the front and slipped it down, as I slowly followed everything he did.. soon we were only in our underwear, and my gosh what a gorgeous sight Justin is in his underwear!!! Perfectly defined body, not over-done but definitely not barely visible! His six-pack just made me feel butterflies all over!!! We kissed some more, passionately, then realized the shower was still running, and we hadn't even been in yet! We quickly took off our underwear and got in the shower, ready to get cleaned up. We had to hurry since the hot water would probably not last too long, so we kissed and grabbed the shampoo. At first I started doing my own hair, but then Justin told me to put more shampoo in my hands and was his hair while he washes mine... A bit difficult, but hey, we needed to hurry... The next part I loved... I took the bar of soap, and washed inch by inch of Justin's gorgeous body, making it shine with the soap... I kissed him every so often, showing him as much passion as I would dare express... He continued to wash my body down, marveled in the freedom to touch every inch of my body, and just as I was about to give him one last kiss before hopping out the shower, bAM, hot water was out and it was FREEEEZING!!! We scrambled to get the water shut off and get out into warm towels... and soon realized more fun could be hard by drying each other off... I couldn't believe how fast things had happened, but it felt as if I could do this every day for the rest of my life with him and I would be happy forever more. We dried each other off, teasing a bit, and got dressed. Justin looked hot always, and I just had to kiss him over and over again! We dropped our things in the bedroom and landed ourselves on the couch infront of the tv in the living room. We cuddled and kissed, and my stepbrother walked in.. "Oh hi!" I jerked with massive fright, jumped a bit from Justin and looked at my stepbrother in the eyes, shocked and scared. He laughed as he realized I hadn't expected him any time soon... He looked at me and said "Aaagh man Jason, don't stress dude, nice boyfriend, I've known for a long time now you're gay!" "Wha -- wha -- what?" "Yeah man, DUH, you have such a hard time talking about girls I figured it after a while, and I had enough ways to confirm it!" I was really shocked, but soon relaxed and settled into Justin again... He just smiled as he absorbed my `family' situation. It was pretty obvious my stepbrother and I were pretty close, but I think he found it quite amusing that I didn't think he knew I was gay. My stepbrother proceeded to get his swimming trunks and headed out to the beach... He had met a new friend and a girlfriend aswell from around town. Justin and I were just getting settled when surprise number two walked in. My stepfather knows I'm gay, but I had never had it in his face before. "Aaaah, so this is Mister boyfriend, Hi Justin, I'm Jason's stepfather. How are you?" "Uuuuum, aaaaah, h-h-h-hi... I'm ok, fine, uh, I mean really great, thanx..." "Don't be nervous, you can stay as long as you need to, I just hope you love my cooking..." I groaned slightly.. "Yeah, he drills us to comment on his cooking, and I'm running out of compliments that sound original... maybe you can help me out some.." We all laughed a bit, my stepfather said a few more things to make Justin feel comfortable around him, and me for that matter, and then left to sit on the porch. My mother soon joined him, but warned us not to wander too far off... We watched a movie and just enjoyed the closeness, and then told my mother we would go for a walk and be back in an hour or so. She agreed but said our little talk would happen when we got back.. "I wonder what my mom wants to talk about, I mean, it sounds serious, but she's so damn friendly... something is really worrying me here..." "Don't worry Jay, I'm sure it's okay. Maybe she just wants to give you some sex talk, *giggle*" I giggled at that aswell, and agreed... a sex talk must be it... We spent the rest of our walk enjoying each other's company as we held hands, and we talked a lot about plans for the future, likes / dislikes, and a couple of hobbies. I had to bring it up though... "Justin, there is something I need to, want to and have to say to you..." I could hear the tension in his voice as he asked me to go ahead... "Well, Jus, it's like this. I met you yesterday, and I bond and love really quickly. I'm already head over heels with the Justin I have come to know so far, and I know there is plenty to learn from you yet. But it's happened to me a million times. I meet a guy, they say they will be honest with me, and they say they care. They open themselves a bit and they tell me everything that I might wanna hear, then, after a month, things go bad. They always meet someone better than me... I need to ask you to promise that you aren't using me... You need to tell me you love me, that you really wanna try with me, that you are in this for the long run. I don't want you to say nice things now and then in a month or two tell me it didn't mean anything. I don't want to get hurt again, and cry all day because you met someone or you want to experiment or because I'm not good enough anymore, or because- "Hold on now Jason!! Stop boy!" Justin stopped and grabbed me by the shoulders to make me face him, with concern evident in his expression and his eyes... He looked at me deeply as he hushed me.. Then he kissed me, hugged me, and: "Jason, I LOVE YOU! I stand here today, and I mean every word I say, and I beg you to believe me.. I love you with my whole heart and whole soul, even though I've only known you a day. Something inside of me tells me that an hour is all I need to know that I can and want to spend the rest of my life with you.. I love you for who you are, and I know you are special. I will Never Ever let you go, not for someone else, and I won't get tired of you... if I do get tired of you I will MAKE myself not be tired anymore. We will make this work out, for the both of us... I love you for now and forever. I mean every word I stand here and say to you today. I am in this with you forever if I can be... I am not going to let go of you or give up on you! Never! So hush, calm down my Angel, I love you, and I know you love me too, and nothing, NOTHING will ever end that or change that, I swear to you..." He kissed me again, a long, strong, deep, passionate and meaningful kiss, all in one... Then he held me tightly and repeated over and over he loved me... This was just too overwhelming for me and I cried in his arms as yet again I held on to him for dear life... Other guys promise to be honest, others promise to care, but Justin did everything, a million times better than anyone else... he was serious about me, and I was so happy, so blessed... We continued our walk, but it got a bit warm as we headed back to the holiday resort, hand in hand. The heat made me quite tired and a little bit frustrated, but mostly it was the hint of nervousness because of the impending conversation my mother wanted to have with us. I knew it would in a way involve trying to protect me because I am jumping in the deep end with Justin.. without really getting to know him. But there is this feeling inside of me, this feeling in my heart, that Justin is sincere, that he is right. I can't describe it, but my personality is very pickey. I don't just like people very easily, not in such away that I can be open with them. Justin is the first person in this world that I felt I could be completely comfortable around no matter what my mood or situation. As we entered the resort Justin looked at me, with a curious look on his face -- it took me quite a while to notice him staring at me more than he was looking where he was going. I looked up at him "What?" "No, nothing. No wait, something, what's wrong Angel? I can see you seem bothered, it's not your mom is it? Did I do something" Justin asked that last question with a hint of fear in his voice... At that moment I realized he was even more afraid of rejection than I was. Before I answered him I just stared -- thinking about why he would possibly be afraid of rejection from ME, that's my job! Then it hit me, Justin's life was probably going to fall apart... He is yet to face his family about being gay, and I am all he has to cling on to. It made sense... but it didn't change anything, I still felt I was loving him and falling very deeply in love with him with every breath I took and every look we exchanged. "Uhm, well, yeah. I was just thinking, I mean, how fast things have moved. And then thinking why you are so different. But mostly I am worried that my mother is going to do something which makes our lives complicated. Anything can happen..." My reasoning was well justified -- we can't just expect that life will be one great fantasy -- there were still many issues that needed to be dealt with. I was just afraid that my mother would try to be more `grown up' rather than understanding from Justin and my perspective. Talking with Justin about how I felt really made it all go away. That moment I realized he didn't wanna lose me made me realize that he is gonna stick with me, and we are going to make this work together, no matter what. What surprised me is that so far Justin fitted into my life as if he had always been there. He somehow understood every aspect of my life, as if he had been around forever. We climbed the stairs to our chalet, my mother and stepfather sitting on the porch chatting, stepfather holding a glass of wine, two empty bottles on the table. Then it hit me, I hadn't told Justin my stepfather drinks, and I also haven't expressed my dissatisfaction with that. What if Justin drinks? What if my stepfather does something bad now? What then? We greeted them, and I tried to rush Justin inside before conversation could start properly, and I just played off little comments my stepfather made, but already his slur made me furious. As we got inside my mother said she would speak with us in the bedroom soon, so I just shrugged and continued to the bedroom. "Jus, I have something to tell you." He had a little look of worry on his face, but he seemed ready to take whatever it was I was going to say. I just looked at him trying to see if he could detect my embarrassment. "Jus, well, my stepdad drinks -- and so does my real dad. I have a lot of pain buried inside me because of it. But I need to say I'm sorry if you see something you shouldn't. Sometimes he gets really bossy or irritating and fights with my mom. I don't want you to see that... I... I would feel so ashamed." A single tear trickled down my face, because I didn't want to lose him over my less than perfect life. "Awww, Jay, don't worry. It's really nothing. I've seen my uncle do worse things than your stepdad I'm sure, and I understand. Don't be ashamed, it happens all the time, it's nothing new. I'm here for you, no matter what. He can't touch you, and he won't do anything to hurt you as long as I am around. Don't feel bad Jay, I care about you too much to let go over silly things like family. I won't even let go if you have problems to be ashamed of! I'm here -- always." I just had to grab him in one of those tight hugs -- because this was just too good to be true! Was he so needy that he could become my dream come true?! He meant every word he said, and he just made all my problems go away. Suddenly I felt like my stepfather was never going to be an issue in my life again, I felt safe in Justin's arms. Just then my mother walked in.. I heard her take a slightly jagged breath as she walked in, and cleared her throat. "Boys, I'm sorry, but we need to talk. It's very important. Jason, you first." She looked at me sternly, in a commanding voice, but not angry -- just one which made me realize this was serious. I only looked at her, concern and fear written on my face -- I get anxious easily, and this was really scaring me. Justin and I sat on the one bed, my mother sitting opposite us on the other bed. Justin gripped my waste and pulled me into a half-hug to comfort me, sensing the tension. He needed me, I knew it, but he always was so strong for me. My mom began: "Well, Jason. I know you are gay, and in the beginning it was hard for me. But it's harder for me now, because for the first time in my life I am seeing two guys, my own son, being together. I just want you to know that whoever you are with, that I need you to take it slow... Be yourself, but respect my feelings son. I don't mind you holding hands -- even in public. I spoke to your stepfather about this, and I told him I won't stop you from living your true life, so if you decide to hold hands in public, it's ok with me, and we will support and protect you. But please don't try and force this down my throat. I will be okay, I will work hard to not feel awkward, but I just need a little time and support from the both of you aswell. I love you honey, and I need you to understand things from my perspective.." "Mom, it's ok. I get it. I won't do anything to hurt you, ok. Jus and I will be careful if you are around and try not to hurt you. But you gotta promise you're gonna try hard enough to get over it, ok?" I had a level of control in my voice, a responsible feeling. I looked my mother straight in the eye. "Yes my baby, I understand. We will work through this together, no matter how long it takes. I love you. I maybe sounded a bit too serious honey, but you know me, I am always there for you, to help you and support my children no matter who they are or what they do. And that includes you Justin." Was it just me, or did my mother have this amazing premonition that Justin and I were the perfect couple? She hardly knew him and already he was part of my family... "But this isn't why I wanted to talk to you two boys. I know this is going to be very hard to accept and it's not fun to have to go through this, but that's life. Justin... you have to go home sometime. You need your things, and you need to see your family. Try and fix things again, maybe they aren't going to take this as badly as you think. I want you to know that whatever happens you may stay with us, you may spend as much time here as you need till things come back together. Tomorrow morning we will go to your mother and we will fix things, ok? I know you don't want to go right now, but family is important, you may not feel like it now, but you need them in your life..." I just looked at my mom, then glanced at Justin, to see nothing but fear in his eyes, as his body became tense. "Mom, why? Why would they give a damn if they haven't even bothered to look for him?!" I had a hint of anger in my voice, but I was trying to reason. Surely they should be looking for him? "Honey, I know you want to protect Justin, and I cannot say for sure what his family thinks or knows. But you and I both know that eventually he will have to go back, and that's just how it has to be, the sooner the better. If things don't work out my arms are open to Justin, but we need to know his mother will not come back with legal papers to sue us. Justin needs to face his fears too... Don't you?" My mother looked at Justin, half with an expression on her face that was typical of a mother -- answer yes or die. This heated me up intensly -- how dare she try and mother Justin?! "Mom, I think he may decide himself!" "No, it's ok Jay, she's right. I'm sorry that it's like this, it's just hard for me to go back there. I don't know what I can expect. I mean, my family might hate me. What if they just don't want me anymore, what if they tell everyone and rip my life apart?" Justin was thinking a million things at once, and struggling to say everything he felt, but what he said was enough to express all his fears -- he was afraid of losing his whole life, being rejected because of what he is. "Sweety, Jannie (my stepfather) and I will go with you. We will all speak with your mother, but we are just a phone call away. If you decide to stay there, and things fall apart, someone tries to hurt you, or anything, you can call Jason, call me, call Jannie, but don't hesitate. We will be there the moment you need us, we will protect you and love you. I know you won't lose Jason now, so draw strength from us. You don't have to be afraid honey, we are here, ready to catch you if you fall." Justin began crying, and I just held him, knowing how he felt. "Jus, I'm sorry, I'm sorry your life is so fragile. But we are gonna have a new life ok? We gonna build a new life, together... if you're up for it?" Justin looked up at me with tear filled eyes, before grabbing me, holding me and crying -- floodgates opening on my shoulder as he muttered "Yes, yes Jay, I need you and want you forever if you'll have me!"... How could someone as good and strong as Justin need me so much? No matter, I didn't want to think, all I knew is this is what I wanted, I wanted him and I was going to be strong for him in every way I possibly could. This was the boy I wanted to love for the rest of my life, I was sure. I don't know how, but I knew I wanted him. "Ok boys, I'll let you alone... I'm sure you both have some thinking to do and Justin, don't worry honey, I'm sorry we have to do this, but I don't want to do things the wrong way. We need to know where they stand." My mother gave him one more sympathetic glance, a quick glance to me and then she got up and left the room, closing the door softly behind her. I have to tell you I was really worried now. I mean, what if his mother took him away from me. Then I began to think to myself that being with Justin has made me very brave, so if his mother tries to separate us, I will quickly sort her out, Justin is NOT going anywhere. I mean really, any gay guy knows how to be a bitch at some point don't they? We sat there in near-silence for about half an hour on the bed, with just faint sobs coming from Justin, I could feel his fear riveting his body every time he thought about it. He was anxious, and I could sense it, and it made me even more anxious myself. As time went buy we settled down on the bed, me spooning Justin this time, holding him tightly from behind. Holding his hand... I tear trickled down my face, a tear of fear for him. Another tear fell, a tear of caring. A third tear rolled down, one of disbelief... Then I cried silently for love, thankfulness of having this beautiful boy with me. Beautiful both inside and out. God had blessed me when this boy came into my life. I know it is still a budding love, but somehow, something inside me knew it was real love, he was the one. Justin was the guy meant for me, and though I often hate myself, deep inside I knew I was what he needed. He made me strong so he could be weak -- he was vulnerable to me, but ice to the rest of the world when problems arose. I was his outlet. His comfort. He was mine. An Angel unto an Angel. It became dark as we dozed off -- still our bodies melted together. I woke up a few times, and heard his gentle, even, baby breathing... I love him. I love him. I love him. When I woke up at about 4am the next morning -- slept out already from going to bed way too early the day before, I was faced with Justin. At some point during the night he had turned around and we were now in each others arms, him holding me too... almost like I was his teddy bear... His face showed how he had cried, and it broke my heart to see him like that. I moved slowly to kiss his lips, a slow, soft, gentle kiss... His eyes drew open, heavily, a faint faint smile appeared, but with sadness in the lines on his face, and turmoil in his eyes. It was still quite dark, but from all the outside lights I could see his eyes glisten in the dark, and that was enough to tell me what he felt in his eyes... his eyes were so intense with emotion. I would remember this morning forever... I kissed him again, still just a gentle lip kiss, but managed to carry out a world of emotion through to him... Then I moved away from his body, and out of bed, and tiredly he did the same... we couldn't make too much noise because it was still so early, but we turned on the tv, I made us some coffee, and we snuggled on the couch watching the end of "Babe" on the movie channel. Justin got up to brush his teeth, and I said I would be right back, I just wanted to talk a walk onto the porch quickly, breath in the fresh sea air... I went inside to brush my teeth, and then back the bedroom just to find Justin on the bed again... *sigh* Asleep AGAIN. *giggle* I thought to myself of how I should wake him up, IF I should wake him up at all... so I decided to walk up to the bed and see how deeply he was asleep. I walked over to the bed, and saw his face in a calm expression, and reached out my hand to touch his hair hanging over his eyes, when suddenly he grabbed me and yanked me on the bed, and gave me a massive kiss... I responded by letting loose my tongue and we melted together with exhilarating love and expression... The kiss became more and more passionate as our arms roamed each others bodies, trying to get any items of clothing off our bodies... We woke up a few hours later, in each others arms, and smiled at one another. Then I kissed him and we shuffled out of bed. There was an atmosphere of happiness for what we had just discovered in one another, and yet another atmosphere of fear for the confrontation we would soon have to face. We got freshened up and cleaned up, then dressed, Justin obviously in my clothes aswell. I never knew it could feel so good to just walk up to someone you love and kiss them and hug them whenever you felt like it. And nothing in the world feels greater to me than when somebody comes up to me and kisses me out of their own ... Meeting Justin on that beach is one thing I will always be thankful for, till the day I die, even if Justin and I don't work out. When it was time to go, I had Justin trying to hide under my arm as we walked to the car, he was obviously so afraid he needed to cling to me... I had to try and comfort him... my mom and Jannie were a little bit ahead of us. "Don't worry Jus.. I know, I know anything I say to you is going to sound shallow, but you must believe me. Things may not turn out okay now, so don't expect them to. But you are now part of my life. I love you and my heart and world has always had a special place waiting for you. You are going to be in my family now. And it may take a while, but together, we will get your family back..." He looked at me with tears in his eyes, the blue shadowed in grey despair. "Jay, I know, I know you here for me. I just don't know if I can lose my mom aswell. If she hates me now I have no parents anymore... I can't ... I can't handle it!" "Jus, listen to me! You have my mom, and she may not be MOM to you, but she's going to be all the mother you need till you can have your own again! We don't even know for sure how your mother will react, but I will protect you. You found me, isn't that enough reason to face this? Am I not enough -- because if you give up now -- then meeting me, loving me was all a mistake.." I felt half guilty throwing this at him in such a way, but I needed to convince him that him being gay isn't all bad. Unless he really didn't feel as much as I felt. "Jay, I'm so sorry! If.. if you hadn't have been there, I would have killed myself by now. I didn't come out because of you, and you know that. And if I had met you before she had tried to have sex with me, maybe I would have come out sooner, but I would have been prepared. Right now I just don't know if I can face her, I'm scared because I don't know what the future holds for me anymore..." "Jus, life never goes according to plan, never. And no matter how prepared you were for telling your mom, the pain would have been the same. You have me, you have my mom, you couldn't ask for anything better than you have now to help you through this. Today is gonna suck baby, but I'm here, I'm here for you, and my family is behind us all the way... I promise that if today goes bad, we will work our best to get your mom back in your life -- even when you've given up on her, I won't. I promise you this now, I will get your family back. I love you. I need you. I want you. And if I love you so much in such a short space of time I can't imagine how a woman who gave birth to you, who brought you up, and loved you every day she had you, would be able to turn her back on you forever because you aren't what she wanted you to be. I promise, I love you. I'm here, now..." So now you gotta imagine how this poor guy feels. I mean, his dad died, his mother probably hates him. It is stupid to assume that now, except that she hasn't even tried to find him. It's not such a big town, it's tiny. So obviously either she is just really considerate and giving him space, or she's not sure if she ever wants to hear his name again. Justin was crying at my words, like a baby... Watching a grown boy -- a handsome guy -- break down like this -- was just weird. I felt terrible for him, and tried my best to comfort him. So I dragged him to the car where my mom and stepdad were patiently waiting. I have a good family, even though sometimes we are less than perfect, I more than often enough take them for granted -- everyone has there skeletons, my family has a good heart, even though there is plenty of turmoil around it. We got in the car and headed for the holiday resort Justin's mom was staying in... Well I can tell you that being in that car at that moment in time was not fun, driving up the driveway of the resort, Jannie asking Justin more or less which way to go to get to the correct chalets.. Justin barely muttered any words, and I had to repeat everything he said so that Jannie could hear where he was going, but the mood in the car was very somber, very difficult to stand for much longer... We stopped close enough and got out of the car. I thought Justin had been clingy before we got in the car, but when we got out of the car it was a hundred times worse! He was snapped to my body as if we were Siamese twins, but all I could do was melt him into my body and try and protect him with my fragile small body as best I could. I know I can't protect him physically beyond having some weapon with me, but emotionally I was gonna be the best I could be for him, and I needed him to know that. I caught a glimpse of his eyes, and what I saw was treacherous... I thought to myself that if that mother of his turns him down now I am never going to forgive her... for graying such beautiful eyes, and cutting into his soul... But I had to remind myself we were still walking to the chalet... Justin and I had to lead the way, which I wish weren't the case... We didn't say anything, we just walked... round the corner, and on the porch was his sister and his ex girlfriend Melissa... The first thing I heard was Melissa mutter "Oh Fuck.." as both she and Allison -- Justin's sister -- left to obviously fetch his mom for world war three... I kept Justin tight against my body, half facing forward... I could feel his body tremble beneath my arm and I tried my best to make him feel assured... My mom and Jannie stood behind us, not sure I guess what to do in a situation like this. When Justin's mom came outside, she froze... She stared at Justin for a long long time. Then she looked at me, but it was only a few split seconds... - I don't think she could bear to see a person like me with her son. "H- h -- hi M-m-mom..." Justin's voice was breaking and quiet, and anything Justin did had the word tremble and fear written all over it... His mother had a shocked and horrified expression on her face, as she looked at him, with eyes that just say hate, they were cutting and sharp. "Yes Justin, why are you here? You would throw us all away to be a little faggot? Huh?" Her voice was cold and cruel... I don't think Justin had ever heard his mother like this... "Mom, I can't choose, I am like this, it's not my fault!" It was clear that for him it was hard to justify being gay to his mother... and she wasn't intent on making it easy either, in fact, she made it quite simple what she felt.. "Justin, you are not my son. My son is a great boy. Not bad like you, not GAY! Now get the hell out of my sight, I don't want you near me or my daughter! Go away!" She was tearing up -- I could sense she didn't know if she was doing the right thing, but the hate in her at that moment was enough to drive Justin away... I yanked Justin and pulled him inside telling him to grab a bag and some clothes, we're out of here. My mother and his mother could be heard yelling outside, my mother obviously trying to take a parental protective stand over Justin and explain to his mother she is making a mistake, but in the end it just turned out into a screaming match between two woman who neither listened or cared what the other said... My stepfather could be heard here and there trying to lower their voices, because I'm sure half the resort was now up to date with the whole saga.. Justin was not sure what to think, while he was packing he was crying, but he was just grabbing things and stuffing them into bags, me trying to help as much as I could... His sister stood at the door watching, and I just wanted to kill her, for being part of the family who didn't want Justin because he is something he has no control over! I mean really! And she is just standing there watching his turmoil like it is some soap opera! We grabbed bags, and I tucked my one arm round Justin's waste and held him as we stormed out of the chalet, Justin half dragging me, crying like a baby, till we got to the car, then he dropped his bags.. He flew into me, arms around me and head on my shoulder crying a billion tears... He was so sad, tears in his eyes... I held him as tight as I could, I had to see my baby through this. I'll stand by you Jus, I'll stand by you, won't ever ever ever let anybody hurt you (kinda sounds like that one song...)... His arms were crushing me, and the floodgates were open on his emotions, they didn't stop pouring out. I heard the yelling stop and saw Jannie and some really steamed blood red furious woman who looks a little like my mother appear from around the corner approaching the car... Justin didn't care that they were there, he cried and cried and cried, all the way home, on my lap, holding me where and as tight as he possibly could, the rest of us silent, my mother itching to swear and curse at his mother, but knowing it's not what he needs to hear.. When we got back Justin kind of quieted a bit, but was still trembling and shaking intensly with emotion, and his eyes were clearly full of pain and hurt... Two girls passed us on our way to our chalet and they were pretty shocked but sympathetic... must be new holiday makers here... We climbed the stairs and headed straight for the bedroom, where Justin laid down, with me spooning him, till he fell asleep... About an hour later I got up and watched some t.v, my mother and Jannie enjoying fresh air on the porch as I was settled in the couch. Inside me I was thinking how badly I hated his family, but part of me was happy that now Justin could stay with me. I felt very calm though, very strange. As if I had just suffered an intense shock but it hadn't sunk in yet... I watched t.v as my mom walked in to get a glass of juice, and for a moment our eyes just locked. We looked at each other, and understood what one another was feeling... My Best Friend's Wedding and many many hours later and Justin woke up, and came trotting into the t.v room, as I was getting up.. I walked up to him, gave him a nice kiss, and a big fat hug, and offered him something to drink... He wanted some water and I got to work, fixing myself some cooldrink, and Justin went outside and sat with my mom and Jannie on the porch. There was just plain old chit chat -- as the sun began to approach the horizon... I walked and sat on the porch, placed Justin's glass on the table and we just quietly chatted about how beautiful the beach is and how nice and fresh the air is. It was then that we heard someone coming up the stairs towards our porch... It was late -- so it could not be people coming to occupy the chalet that shares our upstairs porch... it had to be for us. But who... it was then I felt Justin's aura go blank dead, I could sense his body go white from fear and emotion as I stared in horror at her coming... That's it guys :) I hope that you all really enjoy this story, feedback is welcome...