Date: Fri, 5 Jun 1998 02:08:39 EDT
From: GideonVI@aol.com
Subject: Jem'n'I

**Disclaimer: This story is completely fictional.  Any names
 * given in this story are completely imaginary although some
 * characters are based on actual people.  The events described
 * here never took place and any similarities to actual
 * occurrences are completely coincidental.  If you are offended
 * by sexual relationships between teenage males, you should
 * probably not read this.  I would include a clause here about
 * under-aged people viewing this document but those of them that
 * get this far aren't going to stop here.  Use proper judgment.
**Distribution: This story may be archived and distributed freely
 * but only if unaltered.  This segment must remain as well as
 * the text at the bottom.  I would also appreciate an e-mail
 * stating where it is being posted, but that is not totally
 * necessary.
**Comments:  This was intended to be as much a love story as
 * anything else.  A lot of thought went into this story, if you
 * enjoy it you may mail me at GideonVI@aol.com.  Comments are
 * appreciated and I will reply to any I receive.  Flames will be
 * ignored and deleted.  Enjoy.

    This story is *fiction*.  The title, "Jem'n'I", does not refer to me.
The "I" refers to the character who is telling the story, Ben.  I get a lot
of letters that appear confused on that concept.  It's just a story.


                 Jem'n'I
              By Paul Clarke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Jeremiah David Little.  I knew him since I was about four, but things were
different then.  We just played with the other kids at day-care.  Life was,
for lack of a better term, normal.  We were inseparable then, almost like
twins.

   We just called him Jem because Jeremiah was too long for small children.
After a while, the name stuck.  Mrs. Little always told me I was the one who
started calling him Jem, but I honestly don't remember.  That's not important,
anyway.  This is a story about our teenage years.

   Everything was normal right up through sixth grade, I suppose.  Jem and I
were usually in the same classes in school when we could manage it, but after
sixth grade we entered middle school and were split apart.

   As with all true friendships, we kept in touch.  Jem only lived a few
blocks away and our bicycles were always sufficient transportation.  But it
didn't end there.  As we saw less and less of each other, our relationship
grew.

   One night, long after we should have been asleep, Jem got a little
adventurous and asked if he could see my penis.  At twelve, I suppose he was
going through puberty and the sexual frustration was beginning to build.  More
than once, Jem and I had looked through his dad's Playboy magazines, but never
had we removed clothing in any manner while doing so.

   So there we were in his bedroom skimming through girlie magazines and he
asked me to show him my stuff.  It went through my mind about as fast as
anything possibly could; what should I have done?  We'd been friends almost
our entire lives, who the hell was I to say no?  And off came the clothes.
That night we both learned a little more about ourselves.  Before then, I
never really saw an interest in guys.  It wasn't 'normal' to like guys..  But
who cares about normal?


   At sixteen, Jem and I were both in high school and privately 'together.'
It never seemed right to either of us that we tell everyone that.  What they
didn't know wouldn't hurt us, right?  And besides that, Jem's dad was as
homophobic as a person could possibly be.  Our secret was our secret.

   Well, Jem had looks to die for: straight blonde hair that was never untidy,
soft hazel eyes and a lightly bronzed skin that would have driven Michael
Jackson wild.  The girls were always after him.  That always made me jealous,
but I tried not to show it.  5'10", the perfect height as far as I was
concerned.  We were both about the same height except when we were twelve.
His growth spurt came several months before mine and I was shorter for a
while.

   I've been told I look pretty good by a lot of girls.  I've always been one
of those people who's never satisfied so I'm not so sure I can easily agree.
My hair is brown.  Not shiny brown, not golden brown, just brown.  I always
kept it short as a teenager, mostly because that kept maintenance low and
people would pay less attention to it.  My eyes are brown, too.  I guess
they're soft brown, but brown nonetheless.  In good light they get greenish.
That always bugged me, too.

   Jem and I would take turns spending nights at each others' houses as much
as our parents would allow and fool around together as much as time would
permit.  We were always careful because we were completely sure our parents
would disapprove.  The funny part is our stimuli: magazines.  There we were
having all sorts of fun together and we were looking at pictures of naked
women.  We could have done better, I suppose, but there was never a need.

   "Ben," Jem said one night while masturbating to a Penthouse, "we gotta
talk."

   In the entire time I'd known him, Jem had never sounded quite so serious.
He released his throbbing cock and looked over at me.  I set down my own
magazine and turned my attention to his face.

   "Yeah?" I asked cautiously.

   "I know we kinda been together for a long time now and all, but I'm not
ready for people at school to know," he said.  That hardly made sense to me.

   "Nobody knows, do they?" I asked.  We'd always been careful about that,
too.

   "No, but they could be suspicious.  I was thinking maybe we should, like,
date girls or something, to keep it cool," he offered.  Something was up with
the way he said that.

   "Did Nikki ask you out?" I asked jealously.  Nikki Letson was one of the
most attractive girls in school.  All the guys wanted her and she wanted Jem.

   "She's been hinting at me like I should ask her out.  I've pretended to
ignore it about as long as I can, but she's the type who spreads rumors when
she doesn't get her way.  Remember when everyone thought Chris Thomas was
gay?"  Jem had a certain concern to his voice.  I knew I couldn't talk him out
of that one.

   "Sure, ask her out," I said calmly.  Inside it hurt my feelings a bit, but
I was determined to remain as stoic as ever.  "Then I'll find a girlfriend and
we can double."

   Jem sighed, obviously relieved.  He'd always been the nervous type; when
things are uneasy, he gets quiet.

   "Cool.  Go for Lisa Perez.  She was all over you," Jem suggested.  Good
idea, I thought.  Lisa was the president of the sophomore class.  At the end
of the school year, she'd written "Keep in Touch" in my yearbook along with a
phone number.  Perfect.


   And so it proceeded.  Rather than hanging out at the mall with a bunch of
friends, we went in groups of two.  Lisa and I or Jem and Nikki.  Sometimes
we'd go together, but our other friends were single and thus removed from the
couple-activities.

   For a month during the summer vacation Lisa and I were dating.  On the
second date I was faced with the kiss.  I'd managed to dodge it on the first
with some lame excuse.  I'd never kissed a girl before.  Oh, sure, I'd kissed
Jem lots of times, but he was always in control there.  He's always been more
dominant.  I had no idea what I was doing.

   And somehow I managed to bluff my way through the relationship.  At some
points, I really cared for Lisa.  I told myself that Nikki felt the same way,
but Jem didn't care for her.  I told myself it was a cover-up he was using.  I
was still jealous, I knew I was only fooling myself.

   "Jem, I broke up with Lisa today," I said one night.  We were sitting in my
bedroom flipping through some old magazines.  Jem was lying naked in front of
my and I was running my cold hands over his hot torso.

   "That was fast.  What happened?" he asked.  It didn't phase him much.  I
guess nothing did.  He turned the page in his magazine.

   "I dunno."  I did know.  I wasn't about to tell my best friend that I was
jealous of his girlfriend.

   "I've heard that tone before, Ben.  You know what happened, spill," he
demanded in a taunting manner.  I pulled Jem to face me and kissed him about
as passionately as I could.

   "I was jealous," I admitted.  There it was.  I was jealous.  My stomach
turned to butterflies when I realized that I'd actually said it.  I hadn't
intended to.

   "Ben you don't have to be jealous.  It's not like Nikki and I are doing
anything but kissing," he said in a don't-get-so-uptight-about-it tone.  Just
kissing was cheating, as far as I was concerned.  "Let me make it up to you."

   Jem moved to the foot of the double-sized bed and ran his moist tongue up
the inside of my leg.  Bolts of pleasure swarmed over my skin as he tickled my
inner thigh and I arched my back as his mouth crossed my already hard cock.

   I could do little but moan erotically and watch as Jem pulled my 6" tool
into his mouth.  Blowjobs weren't something Jem liked to do a whole lot.  It's
like Christmas gifts; he liked to receive more than give.  For him to be
sucking my dick was a rare pleasure.

   I ran a hand through Jem's golden hair as his head bobbed up and down on my
virile organ.  I could feel occasional teeth, but not so much that it bothered
me.  The pleasure was immense as Jem unendingly blew.  And as always, the
pleasure led to the building of energy before an orgasm.  I could feel it
'cumming,' so to speak.

   Television, homework, toothpaste, I thought.  I ran all the dull, nonsexual
images I could think of through my rusty brain trying to prolong the fun as
long as possible.  The success was less than what I'd hoped for.

   "Oh, God," I groaned as I shot my hot wad into Jem's mouth.  His discomfort
was evident as he swallowed what he could.  The remainder of the the warm
liquid drizzled down his chin and my cock as he withdrew.

   I knew Jem enjoyed being with me; but I never felt like there was something
real between us back then.  We just hung out a lot and had lots of fun.  It
got more complex every day.


   "Not today, Ben, Jem and I are going to see a movie."  Nikki's voice was
like a dagger stabbing at me.  I had long before learned that if I wanted to
go somewhere with Jem, my best bet was to get Nikki to go along with it.  On
this particular day, however, when I really wanted to see him, Jem had plans.

   "Mind if I tag along?" I asked hopefully over to the young brunette on the
other side of the phone.  My tone was such that I she might have taken pity on
me and let me go to the movie.  Might have.

   "Not unless you have a date.  It'd be too weird having just the three of
us," she sneered.

   "Fine, whatever, I'll get a date," I said eagerly.  I knew enough girls
then to find one who was free.  Nikki sighed and hung up.

   I eagerly pressed the flash button and dialed memory-five.  I didn't
realize how nervous I was at the time, but I must have been.  The number
belonged to Erin Zimmerman, a girl I'd been somewhat interested in during the
end of the school year.  I wasn't sure why, my teenage years were confusing.
She also had a cute brother, but I'd only seen him once or twice.  I must have
been interested if her number was on my speed-dial.  I'd also seen Erin
staring at me during third period.  The chances were moderate.

   One ring.
   
   Two rings.
   
   Three rings.  Maybe she wasn't home?

   "Hello?" came a voice on the other end.  It was a male voice and judging by
the tone, I guessed it was her brother.  Man, he even sounded hot.  That's the
last thing I wanted when I was about to ask his sister out on a date.  Oh
well, time to bite the bullet.

   "Is.. um.. Erin there?" I asked slowly.  I looked down to find my hand
shaking nervously.

   "Yeah, may I ask who's calling?" the guy on the other end asked.
   
   "Uhh, this is Ben MacArthur," I said.
   
   "Oh, Ben MacArthur from school.  You sound pretty nervous," he commented.
Of course I was nervous.  Would it have been so much trouble to just get Erin?
Before I could reply, he added "you gonna ask her out on a date or something?"

   "Umm..  Yeah, I guess so," I studdered.  As nice as he sounded, I wanted to
talk to Erin.

   "She'll like that.  She talks about you all the time."  Yes.  That was a
good sign.  "Gee, I always figured you were gay."

   He thought I was gay?  I hadn't thought it was that obvious that I liked
guys.  Did I stare?  How would he know, anyway?  I'd only seen him on one or
two occasions.  It made me about twice as nervous as I already was.

   "Whatever.  Can I please talk to Erin?" I asked quickly.  He set down the
phone and I heard him call for Erin in the background.

   "Hello?" came a soft teenage voice.  She sounded a bit like her brother,
but more feminine.  I guess that's appropriate.  The only remaining question:
what to say.

   "Umm..  Erin, this is Ben MacArthur..  From biology," I managed to say.
She could likely hear the anxiety in my voice.  I was trying my best not to
show it.

   "Yeah, I remember you.  Umm..  what's up?" she asked.  She sounded nervous,
too.  At least I wasn't the only one.

   "Erin I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies with me today..
It'd kinda be a double-date," I offered.  The thought of her being nervous
about my call helped me steady my voice.

   "Maybe.  What are we seeing?" she asked.  What are we seeing?  That sounded
like a reply to me.  I had to think.  Jem had mentioned the movie before..
But what was it?

   "'The Object of My Affection,' I think," I said.  That sounded right.
   
   "You driving?" she asked.  It was taunting.  She was just being coy.
   
   "My friend Jem drives.  I'm sure he won't mind," I replied.  At least I
hoped he wouldn't mind.

   "Know where I live?" she asked.
   
   "No," was my response.
   
   Erin gave me directions to her house and we discussed the details.  When I
hung up the phone, I fell back onto my bed in relief.  I hadn't realized that
I really liked Erin until I'd called.  The plans were set.


   "This is it," I said, reading the street address on the side of the wall.
Jem stopped the blue Taurus and I climbed out of the back seat.

   The yard was made of small, brown rocks and decorated with green cacti of
several varieties.  I ascended the walkway and pressed the doorbell.  The door
opened.  It was Erin's older brother.

   "Ryan," he said, extending a hand.  I shook it in a greeting and looked
behind him.  Erin wasn't anywhere in sight.

   "Ben," I replied.  "Is Erin ready to go?"
   
   "She'll be right out.  You know how girls are about looking perfect."  Ryan
seemed to be examining my like he was going to buy my casket if I wasn't nice
to his sister.  It made me uncomfortable.

   "Why.. um.. why do you think I'm gay?" I asked curiously.  I didn't want
people thinking I was gay, although most of the time I thought so myself.

   "You act gay," Ryan said.  I wasn't sure what he meant, but I decided to
make an effort not to act gay.  The only problem left with that was I didn't
know how gay people act.

   "If I was gay, would I be going out with your sister?" I asked, trying to
turn the situation around.  It backfired.

   "Maybe.  How would I know why you're going out with my sister.  Maybe it's
all just one big cover-up.  Maybe you just need her to double-date with Jem
Little and you're just going because of him," he said.

   "How did you know I'm double-dating with Jem Little?" I asked, despite how
obvious the answer should have been.

   "Erin told me.  Makes sense to me," he said.
   
   "Ryan, are you harassing my date?" Erin said as she walked around the
corner and into view.  She pushed her brother aside and walked out the door.

   "Have fun," Ryan said as he closed the door.  I took one last look and
turned to walk to the car.

   "Sorry about that," Erin apologized.
   
   
   At the theater, Jem insisted we sit in the back corner.  We were early and
had a chance to talk before the show started.

   "So how did you two meet?" Erin asked Nikki and Jem in an honest attempt to
open the conversation.

   "School," Jem replied.
   
   "So did we," Erin commented.  "Except it took Ben till today to ask me out.
Do you know what it's like to wait that long?"

   Nikki glanced accusingly at Jem and then turned back to Erin and said,
"Yes."

   "Ben was going out with Lisa for like a month.  Otherwise I'm sure he'd
have called you sooner," Jem defended.  It was nice to know he'd still make
excuses for me, I'd felt more separated from him since he'd been going out
with Nikki, despite how little our friendship had changed.  He just spent more
time with her during the day.

   "Lisa Perez?" Erin asked in one of those what-the-hell-were-you-thinking
tones.

   "Yeah," I admitted.
   
   "So who picked this movie?" Erin asked, changing the subject.  She was
still having trouble keeping everyone talking.

   "Jem did," answered Nikki.  Erin turned to Jem and raised an eyebrow.
   
   "A movie about a gay guy..  You know, my brother thinks you're gay.  I'll
avoid mentioning the movie title to him," Erin said with a small smile.  Jem's
face began to flush.  It was my turn to try to cover for him.

   "Your brother thinks everyone is gay," I offered.
   
   "Not everyone.  Mostly just you two."  Backfire.
   
   "Jem, is there something you're not telling me?" Nikki said, folding her
arms in a mocking tone.  The sarcasm in her voice was evident.  I laughed,
trying to make it into a joke.  Jem and Nikki laughed at it, too, and Erin
joined in before too long.

   After a few minutes of small talk, the lights dimmed and the previews began
to role.  Not five minutes into the movie I noticed Jem and Nikki making out
in the seats next to me.

   In all honesty, the sight of Jem (who I'd been so close to my entire life
and with whom I'd had a relationship that goes beyond 'friends' for several
years) kissing Nikki was bothering me.  They were really going at it, too.  I
don't think a hydrogen bomb would have ripped their lips apart.

   I looked over at Erin.  She turned her head to me and smiled, then returned
her attention back to the screen.  The first date was certainly too early for
a display like Jem's so I casually slipped an arm around Erin.  She moved
closer to me and smiled.


   It was early in the evening when I walked Erin to the door of her house.
Not releasing her hand, I turned to her.  Her eyes had an eager look, one like
she was expecting something and I knew what.

   I moved forward slightly and placed my lips lightly against Erin's.  Hers
were warm and soft, more so than I was expecting.  We kissed briefly before
hearing a whistle from an adjacent window.

   "Ryan, you little shit!" Erin shouted, turning and opening the door.  Ryan
was standing there smiling.  He had watched us kiss through the window and was
laughing like it was a joke.

   Embarrassed, Erin walked into the house and closed the door.  I would have
too, in her situation, so I didn't bother to resent the lack of a "goodbye."

   On the way back to Jem's car, I encountered a middle-aged man about my
height.

   "Can I help you?" he asked.  I guess I must have glanced briefly at him on
my way down the steps.  His voice was aggressive, presumably because he'd just
spent a long day at the office.

   "No, Sir, I was just dropping Erin off," I replied.  After a nice date, I
was pleased enough not to take his rough voice personally.

   "Oh, okay.  I'm Mr. Zimmerman," he introduced with an outstretched hand.  I
shook it.

   "Ben MacArthur," I greeted.  He raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
   
   "Ben MacArthur," he repeated.  "So you're the boy she's always talking
about."
   
   "Umm, I guess so.  Nice meeting you," I said and turned toward the car.
I'd never met a girl who talked about me all the time, at least not that I
knew of.  It was embarrassing.

   "That her dad?" Jem asked when I hopped into the front seat of his mom's
car.  We had already dropped Nikki off and I was glad to be able to sit in the
front seat with Jem.

   "Yeah.  He says Erin always talks about me.  Her brother Ryan said the same
thing.  What's up with that?" I asked.  At the mention of Ryan's name, Jem's
face turned sour.

   "I dunno.  Listen, about Ryan, she said he thinks we're gay," he said.
   
   "So he thinks we're gay.  So?" I asked.  I didn't actually think it was
such a big deal.  Jem had other thoughts.

   "So I don't want people to think I'm gay!  I've been dating Nikki for a
while now, what do I have to do?" he asked rhetorically with a tone that was
slightly above normal.

   "I don't know," I replied.  And I didn't.


   "You boys have fun at the movie?" Jem's mom asked when we plopped down on
the couch.  I always liked his house because of the large television in the
living room.  Jem picked up the remote control and began cycling through the
channels until he found a basketball game.

   "Yeah," I said.
   
   "Jem says you broke up with Lisa.  Who'd you go with?" she asked.
   
   "Umm..  Erin Zimmerman, from school," I replied.
   
   "Oh that's nice.  Jem, did you and Nikki have fun?"  At Janet's question, I
smirked a little.  I knew she'd give Jem a hard time if I did that, mostly
because Jem didn't like to talk with his mother about relationships.

   "Huh?" Jem asked, turning to her.  He caught my smile and began to blush.
"Oh, umm, yeah, I guess so."

   "I was a teenager once, I know how dates go," his mom said.  I snickered.

   "I bet," Jem muttered.  He turned back to the television.
   
   "Are you hungry?" Janet asked me.  I nodded and she got up from the couch.
When she returned from the kitchen a moment later, it was with two hamburgers,
some salad, and a couple Pepsi's.

   Jem and I took the burgers and ate eagerly.  We both managed to finish the
meal in a couple minutes and went up to Jem's room to play video games.

   "Mortal Kombat?" Jem asked, going through his shelf of N64 games.  I
nodded.  Generally speaking, we were equally skilled at Mortal Kombat 3, so we
played competitively.  Because the game it self had little reward, we raised
the stakes.  At the end of how ever long we agree to play, the person with
less wins got to take a first shot at the night's real activities.

   Hours passed and we sat on Jem's bedroom floor playing the Nintendo 64.
His parents stopped in at one point to tell us they were heading for bed, but
other than that it was uninterrupted.  We usually waited at least an hour
after his parents went to bed, just for good measure.

   "Ha!  I win by seven," Jem said enthusiastically.  He shut off the
television and the game console and dimmed the lights.  We took quickly
stripped out of our clothes and tossed them aside.  Jem's six and one half
inch cock was already fully anticipating the product of his victory.  Despite
the fact that I'd seen it hundreds of times, his erect member was still a
delightful sight.  It had a beauty to it that I can't put into words.

   "That's better than last time, at least," I said.  "What do you want
tonight?"

   Jem seemed more excited than usual.  He reached under his bed and pulled
out a shoe box.  From the dilapidated cardboard he pulled a small, plastic
package.  I was quite aware of what he wanted.

   Without needing directions, I positioned myself on my hands and knees.
After how jealous I'd been feeling of Nikki over the last few days, the sound
of Jem opening the condom wrapper got me going.

   I felt a ping of excitement as Jem's tongue touched my ass.  It was
generally customary for neither of us to talk during the first few minutes of
our activities so I tried to remain quiet.

   Jem's roaming tongue poked and prodded excitedly.  He enjoyed that part, I
suppose.  I was never one to complain when he wanted to be playful so I waited
patiently.  His tongue entered abruptly into my anal passage as far as he
could make it go.  It was a cool, but welcome feeling.

   Jem, after being with me rather intimately for the past four years, knew I
preferred to get right down to business in the beginning.  He enjoyed taking
his time, but he was also in a generous mood.

   Removing his tongue, Jem got up onto his knees and rubbed his latex-encased
cock over my posterior.  It swirled in a figure-eight over my skin and then
pushed roughly against my anus.  I braced myself as he pushed in with all his
energy.

   The brief shot of pain was welcome as I was quite aware of the pleasure to
come.  Jem had a firm grip just below my waist as he pulled back and pushed
again.

   I'm sure Jem was feeling a similar sensation as waves of pleasure surged
through my insides.  His motions grew more and more intense and the pleasure
continued to rise.

   I reached down and firmly grasped my own cock and tugged at it.  The
pulsing sensation built up a great anticipation between us.  I bit my lip as
we both increased pace, keeping an even but increasing rhythm.

   The fireworks flew as we both came at the same time.  Maybe it wasn't
exactly the same time, but it was close enough.  All jealousy and women aside,
Jem and I were still doing exactly what we'd always liked to do.

   As Jem pulled his spent cock out of me, we both fell to the ground
exhausted.  I turned to Jem and pressed my lips to his.  We were together.  If
nothing else, the incident must have shown how inseparable Jem and I were.
Perhaps nothing had really changed.


                 Jem'n'I
                 Part II
              By Paul Clarke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   On Wednesday morning I awoke not to the sound of my alarm clock, but to
the ring of the telephone next to my bed.  I sat up quickly, rubbed my
eyes, and looked at the clock.  9:00.  Who the hell would be calling at
nine in the morning?

   "Hello?" I mumbled as I raised the receiver to my ear.
   
   "Ben, did I wake you?" came the woman's voice on the other end.
   
   "Janet?" I asked.  It was my best friend's mother.  She rarely called
unless Jem was at my house or she was having a party or something.  She had
never called so early, though.

   "Yeah.  Jem's been depressed or something lately.  I know he's been
awake since early this morning, but he hasn't come out of his room.  He
just hasn't been himself.  I was wondering if you'd come over and talk to
him," she requested.  I hadn't talked to Jem since the day he and his
girlfriend Nikki had double-dated with Erin Zimmerman and I.  He was also
up early in the morning.  Something must have been wrong.

   "Sure, I'll shower and be there as soon as I can," I replied.
   
   "Okay, see you soon," Janet said and hung up the phone.
   
   I rose from my bed and stumbled into the hallway.  Dad was already at
work and Jay was still sleeping.  He always slept late anyway.  I grabbed a
towel and a washcloth from the linen closet and stepped into the bathroom.



   Mrs. Little answered the door in a kind manner.  Of all her son's
friends, I think I was her favorite.  She stepped aside and let me into the
house.

   "Jem's in his room," she said.  There was no need for further greeting
so I climbed the tall staircase and walked down the hall to Jem's bedroom. 
His door was shut and I knocked.

   "What?" he asked in a low voice.
   
   "Jem, it's me.  Can I come in?" I responded.
   
   "Yeah," he mumbled.  I turned the handle and entered the room.  Jem was
sitting on his bed and definitely didn't look very happy.

   "Is something wrong?" I asked as I sat down next to him.
   
   "Would you believe me if I said no?" Jem asked.  I put an arm around
him.

   "Not really.  Want to talk about it?"
   
   "It's just..  Well it's what Ryan said.  I just don't want people
thinking I'm gay."

   "Isn't that why you're dating Nikki?"
   
   "We broke up."
   
   "What?"
   
   "We broke up."
   
   "I heard you the first time, Jem.  Why did you break up?"
   
   "I was only going out with her so people wouldn't think I'm gay and I
broke up with her because I felt bad leading her on like that."

   "Jem, get dressed.  We're going to see Ryan Zimmerman."
   
   
   
   Jem took his time showering and dressing.  He'd broken up with Nikki and
I took that as a sign that he wanted some change.  We had a problem: Ryan
Zimmerman had told me quite clearly that in he thought Jem and I were gay. 
Of course it was true, but we needed to confront the problem because at the
time, neither of us wanted everyone knowing that.

   At the Zimmerman household, Erin opened the door.  She seemed rather
surprised to see Jem and I.

   "Ben, I.. uh.. wasn't expecting you," she greeted.
   
   "Actually, I was wondering if we could talk to Ryan.  Is he here?" I
asked nervously.  Erin had a knowing look on her face that really bugged me
as she allowed us into the house.

   "All the way down the hall, last door on the left," she said.
   
   Jem and I walked down the hall to the door Erin has specified.  I think
Erin knew why we were there so she didn't follow us.  I knocked on the
door.

   "Go away, Erin," came a voice from inside the room.  It didn't sound
like Ryan to me.

   "This isn't Erin," I said.  In response, the door opened.  Rather than
seeing Ryan standing before me I found myself looking into the light brown
eyes of the second most attractive guy I'd ever met.  His mop-like hair was
dirty blond in color and came down to about the middle of his ears.  His
face was lightly splashed with freckles: the perfect compliment.

   "Mike Roberts," he greeted.
   
   "I'm Ben MacArthur and this is Jem Little," I said.  Mike escorted us
into Ryan's bedroom.  It had very little floor space because of the large
bed and desk that hogged most of the room.  Mike sat down on the bed near
Ryan and Jem sat on the chair at the desk.  I remained standing.

   "Well look who it is," Ryan said with a smirk.  "We were just talking
about you."

   "You.. you were?" Jem asked nervously.  Mike nodded.
   
   "It's not nice to talk about people like that," I said.  I wasn't sure
where it came from, but it was all I could think of to say.

   "Yeah, Ryan, it's not nice to talk about people like that," Mike
mimicked.  Ryan laughed.

   "You're just so fun to talk about," Ryan said.  "See, you must be gay. 
What kind of guy hangs out with another guy before noon and isn't gay?"

   "Now wait just a minute.  You and Mike are here together," Jem argued. 
Ryan raised an eyebrow at Jem and Mike just smiled.

   "You think you're the only gay people on Earth?" Ryan asked.  I remember
thinking about how absolutely calm he was.  It was a subject I'd only ever
discussed with Jem because I wasn't comfortable with it.

   "Well..  I guess not.." Jem said.  He was acknowledging his sexuality
for the first time to someone else and I could have died from the shock. 
Jem had always been so closed about it that even he and I had hardly
discussed it until recently.

   "You look surprised," Mike said to me.
   
   "I didn't expect him to say that," I replied honestly.
   
   "Poor Erin.  It seems like every time she finds a guy he's gay," Ryan
said.

   "This is the first time," Mike reminded him.
   
   "Same difference," Ryan muttered.
   
   "You two fight like you're married," I commented.
   
   "Sad, isn't it?  At least I was right about something," Ryan said.

   "You aren't right often?" I asked.
   
   "Not usually.  Just about things like this," Ryan commented.
   
   The conversation went on for some time.  In going to see Ryan, I had
intended to stop him from calling Jem and me gay because it bothered us;
but instead the outcome had been almost inspiring.  It was the only time
Jem and I had ever recognized our true feelings and discussed them with
others and for the first time in as long as I could remember I felt a sense
of security.



   "That was fun, wasn't it?" I asked and I leaned back on my bed.  It was
8:00 and the sun was setting in the Arizona sky.  Despite the darkness of
my room (which was on the east side of the house), we hadn't bothered with
lights.

   "What was?" Jem asked.  He had a way of asking questions like that even
if he knew what I meant.  I always thought it was funny, even though it got
on my nerves occasionally.

   "Going to the mall with Ryan and Mike," I replied.
   
   "Oh.  Yeah, I guess so.  I just always felt so.. different..  I didn't
ever think there were other gay people in the world.  Now there's some that
go to our school.  It's so weird," Jem said.  He sounded more philosophical
then than he ever had in his life.  In all honesty, it turned me on seeing
that side of him.

   "What are you thinking right now?" I asked, trying to keep the mood
going.

   "I'm thinking I'm jealous of Ryan," Jem answered.  He was right, Mike
Roberts was pretty good-looking.
   
   "Don't make me jealous now," I taunted.  In response, Jem rolled over on
top of me and kissed me rather aggressively.  I grabbed him by the shirt
and tossed him over onto the bed.

   Without hesitating, I pulled Jem's shirt off.  He helped a bit, but I
hardly gave him time to react.  My tongue swarmed over his warm body,
crossing his chest and shoulders and up to his mouth for another kiss.  His
lips were warm and anticipating.  In the cool atmosphere of the
air-conditioned evening, he was almost shivering.

   I swiftly drew back and removed the rest of Jem's clothing.  He knew
what I was going to do next as well as I did.  I ripped off my own clothing
about as fast as I could and leapt up to get a condom from my closet.

   When I returned to the bed, my waiting lover was already in the position
in which I wanted him.  I pulled on the condom and stopped to listen
briefly--no signs of sound elsewhere in the house.  We were all alone, but
together and inseparable.

   I spared no time in pushing my rock-solid cock into Jem's ass.  Spending
the day with a couple really hot gay guys had made me anxious for the
night.  I was quite aware that my parents were coming home late and my
younger brother was with them.

   The first thrust in was welcoming.  Jem's insides were just as hot as
the rest of him.  I pulled back out and then pushed in again.  Jem gave no
complaint (as usual) and I proceeded to quicken my pace.  It went quickly
because we were both very hot and very excited by the day's events.  I
pushed in and out of Jem's ass while he moaned erotically.

   I knew Jem was beating his cock in rhythm with me, mostly because he
usually did.  He was never one to hold his orgasms very long and he came
all over my bed sheets.  The spasmatic tightening of the muscles in his
posterior gave me the stimulation I needed and I blew my wad into him.

   Spent and tired, we collapsed onto the bed.  We had time to rest before
cleaning up and we both needed the chance to relax.  My heart was beating a
hundred miles an hour as I fell asleep, exhausted and sprawled across my
best friend.


   
   "Ben, telephone!" Jay's voice shrieked across the house.  I put down the
book I was reading and grabbed the receiver from next to my bed.

   "Got it!" I shouted.  Then, into the phone, I said, "Hello?"
   
   "Ben?  Hey, this is Erin," came the lovely young voice on the other end.

   "Uhh..  Erin?  Hi," I studdered.  My heart skipped a beat.  What was I
going to tell Erin?  Luckily for me, I'd been spared the trouble.

   "Listen, Ben, Ryan explained it all to me," she said.  She didn't sound
disappointed.  It was more of an "I'm cool just being friends" voice.

   "Then you aren't mad at me?" I asked hopefully.
   
   "Nah, I have lots of gay friends these days.  It was nice to get a date
with you while I still could," she said.

   Before I had a chance to respond, I heard what sounded like the words
"Oh my God" and the click of a phone being hung up.  My brother had heard
the entire conversation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   It occurred to me suddenly that I've ended too many stories with sex.  I
thought it might be interesting to end with a cliff-hanger.  Some of you
are wondering what Jay will do after hearing that his brother is gay.  At
the time of this writing, I'm not totally sure how he'll react.  Lets hope
it's funny.



                 Jem'n'I
                 Part III
              By Paul Clarke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
   "Ben, telephone!" Jay's voice shrieked across the house.  I put down the
book I was reading and grabbed the receiver from next to my bed.

   "Got it!" I shouted.  Then, into the phone, I said, "Hello?"
   
   "Ben?  Hey, this is Erin," came the lovely young voice on the other end.

   "Uhh..  Erin?  Hi," I studdered.  My heart skipped a beat.  What was I
going to tell Erin?  Luckily for me, I'd been spared the trouble.

   "Listen, Ben, Ryan explained it all to me," she said.  She didn't sound
disappointed.  It was more of an "I'm cool just being friends" voice.

   "Then you aren't mad at me?" I asked hopefully.
   
   "Nah, I have lots of gay friends these days.  It was nice to get a date
with you while I still could," she said.

   Before I had a chance to respond, I heard what sounded like the words
"Oh my God" and the click of a phone being hung up.  My brother had heard
the entire conversation.

   "Shit.  Erin, I'll call you later," I said and slammed the phone down. 
I jumped to my feet and walked into the hall.  I had known Jay long enough
to know that I needed to talk to him fast.

   "Jay?" I called loudly.  No response.  I heard the front door slam shut. 
Jay was probably going to his friend Shawn's house.  He told Shawn just
about everything and I didn't have time to stop him.

   I sat down on the nearest chair and rested my head in my hands.  Little
did I know how interesting life was about to get.



   "Hello, class.  Welcome back to school.  My name is Mr. Jacobson," an
elderly man in a distasteful suit greeted on the fresh August morning that
begun a new year of school.  "Did you all have a pleasant summer?"

   A groan resonated through the entire room.  Most of us were looking at
the clock and wondering how it could possibly be 8:00 in the morning.  The
first day of school is always like that.

   I looked to Jem and rolled my eyes.  We were about to spend an entire
year in Mr. Jacobson's English class.  The good news was that he soon
promised we would not be assigned seats.  In high school, that's always
good news.

   The lecture was brief.  We were given an idea of what the year would
cover and a chance to ask questions.  With no students eager to raise their
hands so early in the morning, Mr. Jacobson was content to let us sit and
talk for the half of class that was left.

   "So how's Jay?" Jem asked, trying to start a conversation.  So far all
we'd done was complain about having to be awake before noon.

   "He's fine, I suppose," I answered sarcastically.
   
   "Still not talking to you?"  Jem's voice had a note of concern.  I knew
he cared, but he Jay never really got along.

   "No.  I don't know what he's so upset about, it's been two weeks now," I
said.

   "He's pretty stubborn," Jem offered.  He was trying to comfort me, but
not talking to my only brother for so long was really bugging me.  Jay had
never gone that long without acknowledging me in his life.

   "Maybe he just doesn't like gay people," offered a female voice from my
left.  I spun quickly and found myself facing Rebecca Kain.  I felt my face
turn a shade of red, something that commonly happens when someone mentions
something I'd rather not hear.

   "What?" I asked in the most confused tone I could find.
   
   "Maybe he won't talk to you because you're gay," she replied.  I heard a
small sound from Jem who was on the opposite side of me.  It did not sound
pleased.

   "Where.. where did you hear that?" I studdered.  It simply didn't seem
possible that she could know that.  She didn't hardly know me!

   "Kristen Abbett," Rebecca answered.  Kristen Abbett was Shawn's older
sister.  It all fell into place.  Jay told Shawn and Shawn told his sister. 
If Rebecca knew..  "It's all over school."

   "All over school?  It's only the first day!" I said in a suddenly
angered tone.

   "Yeah, well, news travels fast."

   I turned back to Jem and we exchanged glances.  I wasn't sure what I
wanted at the time, but some decisions had obviously been made for me.  The
only real good news was that nobody knew Jem was gay yet.  I'm sure it made
him feel better, but it was of little comfort to me.



   "How was your first day at school?" Dad asked when I walked in the door. 
I think he could tell by my expression that it wasn't very pleasant.

   "What are you doing home so early?" I asked, trying to change the
subject.

   "I took the afternoon off."
   
   "Where's Jay?"
   
   "I thought he wasn't talking to you."
   
   "He'll talk even if I have to beat the words out of him.  Where is he?"
   
   "He isn't home yet.  Ya know, it'd be a lot easier if he could ride home
with you and Jem."

   "If he can't bother to talk to me, I sure as hell ain't offering him a
ride."

   The door opened behind me.  I turned to find myself face to face with my
little brother.  Face to face may be the wrong choice of words because I
could easily see over his head, but the idea is the same.

   "We need to talk," I said.  Jay looked up at me and then pushed past and
walked toward the hallway.  I was already angry with him and his attitude
wasn't helping much.  "Don't even fucking ignore me!" I shouted.

   "Benjamin," my father warned.  I shot a glance at him and then followed
Jay to his room.  He shut the door before I could enter, but I refused to
let that stop me and as the doors had no locks, opened and walked in.

   Jay was sitting on his bed, knowing I would let myself into his room. 
He was starting to cry, but I wasn't sure why.  He was just sitting there
with tears running down his face.

   "Jay.." I started, about to apologize for shouting.  I stopped and tried
to think of the right thing to say.  Seeing him cry made the anger quickly
subside.

   "Ben, I'm sorry.  I only told Shawn.  I didn't mean for it to get all
over school like that!" he said.  I sat down next to him and put an arm
around him.  My brother has always been hard to comfort when he's in a bad
moon.

   "It's okay.  You could have tried talking to me about it," I said.  Jay
looked up and smiled.

   "I didn't know how.  It's just.." he trailed off.  I felt so much better
being able to talk to him, but all he could do is cry.

   "It's okay.  Really.  Being gay isn't such a bad thing, is it?"  Oh boy,
I was really stretching it.  I was never much for serious discussions and
just flat out saying it like that wasn't easy.

   "No, it's just.. well.. can I tell you something?" he asked.  He wanted
to tell me something?  In his entire life my brother had never wanted to
discuss his life with me.

   "Anything.  I'm your brother, right?"
    
   "Yeah.  But you have to promise not to tell anyone!"
    
   "I promise I won't."
    
   "When I ran to Shawn's house to tell him, it's because Shawn is gay,
too.  And so am I and.. well.. you know..  It's always been so lonely, but
you're gay too and it just made us feel less alone.  Before that, it was
just us."

   "Then why did you ignore me for two weeks?"
   
   "I thought you'd be mad at me!"
   
   "How could I ever be mad at you?" I asked as I hugged Jay.  He looked up
again and wiped a tear from his face.

   "You sure sounded mad when I walked in the door."  Jay smiled slightly. 
It was the beginning of the first real friendship my brother and I ever had
and it really felt good having him actually talk to me about such a serious
subject.

   "Being gay is a huge step, Jay.  You're only thirteen," I said in the
same joking manner.

   "I'll be fourteen next month!  Besides, I'm in high school now," Jay
protested.  And he was right.  I wasn't about to stand in the way of his
life.

   "I need to go talk to Jem," I excused.  As I stood, Jay shot me an
inquisitive glance.  I knew what he wanted to know without him ever asking
and I nodded.



   "What's up?" Jem asked when he answered the door.  He knew very well
what was up, but it was his style to ask anyway.

   "Your parents home?" I asked, walking into the living room.
   
   "No.  Did you talk to Jay?"
   
   "That little bastard.  He says he only told Shawn because they felt like
they were all alone before.  Like when we talked to Ryan and Mike," I
explained.  Jem gave me the same inquisitive glance as Jay had.

   "So he was comparing apples to oranges?" he asked.  I smiled.
   
   "Yeah.  Fruit is fruit, though," I replied.
   
   "I just had a great idea!"
   
   "Oh, do tell."
   
   "Lets call up Ryan and Mike and Jay and Shawn and all go hang out at the
mall.  Just for the hell of it.  One big queer group, to show people we
don't care," Jem suggested.  There was a spark of enthusiasm in his voice
I'd never heard before.  A month earlier he'd never have even used the word
queer in a sentence like that.

   Life was changing all around us and things were getting better.  Jem,
who had been my lover for years but never wanted to even think about it,
was finally accepting who he is.  After rumors were spread at school, I
discovered that my kid brother and his best friend were also gay.  Best of
all, despite the fact that half the school had heard I was gay, not a
single person had made a rude comment about it all day!



   "Are we there yet?" Jay asked from the back seat of the Taurus.  Jem
turned around and glared at him briefly before returning his attention to
the road.  "Well, I just wanted to know."

   "You know where the mall is, we'll get there soon enough," I said.  Jay
was always fidgeting in the back seat.  He couldn't hold still.

   "So who are we meeting there?" Shawn asked in his usual muffled voice. 
Shawn was fourteen, but he was tiny.  He always dismissed as forgetting to
grow one year.

   "Ryan Zimmerman, Mike Roberts, and two of their friends," Jem replied in
his most irritated voice.
   
   "Who are their friends?" Jay asked.  I, too, was irritated.
   
   "You boys ask too many questions.  Chris something-or-other and somebody
else.  I don't know their names!"

   "Geez, just asking," Jay apologized.  The rest of the ride was quiet.  I
later regretted raising my voice, but anyone with a younger brother can
easily agree that they get annoying.

   We pulled into the lot and found a place to park very close to the
entrance to the mall.  The four of us climbed out of the car and strolled
casually into the mall.  Standing there to meet us were Ryan, Mike, and two
guys I'd never seen before.

   We all introduced ourselves as most of us had never met each other.  I
discovered that the tow boys I didn't know were called Chris Morgan and Tom
Nelson.

   "So what do you all want to do?" Ryan asked once the formalities were
complete.

   "It's been such a good day, I felt like getting together with all the
queers I could find and do something fun!" Jem exclaimed.  A few of us
laughed, myself included.

   "You wanted to do something fun but you brought us to the Park Mall. 
Okay," Mike said, looking for a laugh.  He got one from Shawn and Jay.

   "We could all pick out curtains," was Shawn's contribution.  Nobody
laughed so he shut his mouth.

   "Well, whatever we do, lets start with some food," Jay suggested.
   
   "Boy, you never stop eating, do you?" I asked.  Jay shook his head.
   
   "Where do you guys want to eat?" Chris asked.
   
   "Coffee Etc.?" Mike offered.  I look to each person for confirmation. 
The entire group looked enthused, with the exception of Tom who was quite
stoic.

   "Sounds good to me," I said.
   
   We quickly found the Coffee Etc. restaurant and took a seat.  The
unusually large group required a long table, but we found one.  Food was
ordered and we sat to wait.

   "So you guys just wanted a quadruple-date?" Chris asked.
   
   "Nah, I just thought it would be cool to show some team spirit by going
someplace with a group like this," Jem replied.

   "I see.  I heard Ben's gay all over school, but they don't know about
you, do they?" Ryan inquired.

   "No.  That's okay, I'll tell them.  It doesn't matter anyway, does it? 
I'm with Ben and if they know he is, I might as well be," Jem said
valiantly.

   "Something like that happened to me.  The guy who was my boyfriend got
the shit beat out of him at school one day for being gay.  That kinda put
the spotlight on me and I said 'Fuck it,'" Chris related.  His story was
kind of inspiring.  It also sounded familiar.

   "Oh, you're the Chris who was dating Jim Kellogg.  What ever happened to
him?" I asked.

   "After he got out of the hospital we tried to keep things together, but
the relationship just wasn't working.  Shit happens, though," Chris
answered.

   "So Ben, I've been wondering something all day.  How did it get all over
school that you're gay?" Mike asked.  I was about to answer, but my brother
beat me to it.

   "That was my dirty work," he said enthusiastically.  I was about ready
to hit him for the pride he suddenly took in it, but a part of me was
thankful.  He did save me a lot of trouble.

   "How so?" Mike requested.  He seemed very interested in the whole thing. 
I found myself wondering exactly what people were saying about me that
would attract that kind of interest.

   "Well, I sort of overheard a phone conversation between Ben and some
girl," Jay began.

   "'Overheard,' my ass.  The little shit was listening in on the other
phone," I commented.  The group chuckled at the comment and Jay continued.

   "Yeah, so I told Shawn here about it and he told his sister and she
spread the rumors," he finished.

   "It all makes sense now," Mike said.
   
   "It's kind of like a game of telephone.  'Ben MacArthur is gay purple
monkey elevator,'" Ryan said.  "They twist the rumors around and then
nobody is safe."

   "What do you mean?" I asked.  Twisted rumors were news to me.  I hadn't
actually heard the whole thing.
   
   "Well, just this afternoon I heard you were sleeping with Jordan O'Neil. 
I can only imagine how he feels about it, he's straight," Ryan explained.

   "Okay, well, I hadn't heard that one.  So, Tom, you don't say much, do
you?" I quickly changed the subject.  I suddenly realized that Tom hadn't
said or done much of anything.

   "Umm, me?  No, not really," he said softly.
   
   "He's a bit shy around people, give him a few months," Chris explained.
   
   "Oh, I see.  Well, Tom, could you tell us how you and Chris met?" I
asked.  Shy or not shy, I was going to get something out of him.

   "Yeah, I guess.  He wrote 'call me' in my yearbook so I did," Tom
answered.  He was pretty stubborn.

   "So introduce yourself here.  Tell us about your family," I said.  Tom
looked from person to person and then up away from the table.

   "Umm..  Food's here," he mumbled.
   
   The boy was inveterately shy, I'll give him that much, but Jay and Jem
joined me in the persistent questioning and by the end of the meal, we had
Tom talking.  It was a hard-won battle.

   After eating, we walked back into the open mall to find something of
interest.  It was fun to be out with a large group of guys like that
because we could keep the conversations going and check out guys without
worrying about what the rest of the group would think.

   For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a group that wouldn't
judge me.  A group that I could really talk to.  A group of friends.  And
it was the best feeling in the world.



   "What are you thinking about?" Jem asked quietly.  It was two in the
morning and we were both laying there in the dark with our eyes shut.  The
icy chill of the air-conditioned room kept us close together, but activity
had caused us to sweat so we didn't bother with blankets.

   "This week.  It's been incredible," I replied, equally hushed.
   
   "School's not all that fun, Nerd Boy," Jem snickered.
   
   "You know what I meant," I mumbled.
   
   "Yeah, I guess so.  You wanna know what I was thinking?" Jem asked.  He
was already half-asleep, I could hear it in his voice.  He just liked to
talk late into the night.

   "Sure," I answered.  "What's going on in the great mind of Jeremiah
Little?"
   
   "I was thinking we don't sixty-nine enough," he said.  I'm sure that at
hearing such an offer, most people would jump ecstatically; but this is Jem
we're talking about.  I hardly had to ask if I wanted something like that. 
The offer, however, was tempting.

   "You're right," I said.  I wasn't even done with the sentence before Jem
was turned around and on top of me.  We weren't clothed, that was never
required late at night because nobody in my family ever disturbed us in the
morning.

   We were too tired to make much noise.  Other than an occasional erotic
groan, we were totally silent.  Jem's cock slid into my mouth quickly. 
We'd done it before and knew quite well what to expect.

   Once my lips were securely around his firm tool and my teeth were
sufficiently under control, Jem slid forward and a warm, moist mouth
enveloped my own teenage member.

   The feeling of his mouth on my cock, the sensation I cherished above
almost all others, sent fireworks through my exhausted body.  Jem's head
began to bob and his thin hips followed suit quickly.  He was humping my
face quickly and I loved it.  I ran my hands down his smooth sides and
moved my head to match his rhythm.

   Electricity shot across my body as Jem's mouth massaged my cock.  I
could feel it flow in and out at a pace that grew more and more rapid.  In
my own mouth, I was enjoying the flavor of the sweat on Jem's dick and the
scent of his body in general.

   The heated passion continued for several minutes.  Several brief, but
sensual minutes.  And then, as inevitably must happen, I shot a small load
(all that I had left in me after several hours of on-and-off excitement)
into Jem's mouth.  I could feel him slow his pace to give himself time to
swallow.

   Soon afterwards, Jem came in my mouth.  I savored the salty fluid as
long as I could, but was forced to swallow by a mouthful of the delicacy. 
Jem pulled his spent cock from my mouth, but I continued to clean it with
my tongue.

   Exhausted once again, Jem returned to his place next to me and we
kissed.  I knew there was one thing on Earth I liked more than my cock in
Jem's mouth: his warm lips pressed to mine.  And we just laid there.  It
was just Jem and me.  And that was all we needed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   That's three parts to the story and I'm trying to explore a different
aspect of life in each.  This part deals with friendship (for those of you
who just skipped to the sex, although it occurs to me that if you did that,
you aren't reading this now).  Friends are one of the most important parts
of any teenager's life.  Jem finally seems to have realized that it's okay
to be gay.
   So what's up in part 4?  Only time will tell.  I'm thinking something
like going horseback riding on somebody's farm.  As a writer, I'll have the
pleasure of guessing at what it's like to ride a horse.  I've never
actually tried.
   Well, questions or comments go to GideonVI@aol.com.  Those of you who
have AOL or the instant messenger program may IM me if you'd like to talk,
I'm usually on late at night on the weekends.
   And for those of you who really care about authors, I finally found a
new job!  Yes, that means less time to write, but it's a full-time job with
full-time pay.  Anyone who bothers to e-mail could make me feel special and
say "congratulations."  Thanks for reading my story! -Paul


                 Jem'n'I
                 Part IV
              By Paul Clarke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
   Everything had happened so fast.  In one day, my whole world turned
upside down.  Everyone at school suddenly knew I was gay and I had an
entire school year of unexpected problems--and fun--to look forward to. 
The biggest surprise, I think, was Jem deciding he was cool with people
knowing he was gay.  He had always been so closed.  I guess anybody can
change.

   "Well if it ain't the class queer," commented a football player seated
in my first period English class.  It was impossible to reach my seat
without passing his, so I soon realized I'd be faced daily with his
comments.

   "Eew!  Where?" I said loudly, jumping as though someone had screamed
"rat!"  The people in the class that were close enough to hear erupted in
laughter.  I thought it was funny, but not that funny.  The guy who had
made the comment turned away in disgust and I proceeded to walk to my seat.

   Rebecca Kain took her seat next to my left and set her bag on the
ground.  I felt a bit lonely in the back of the room with nobody sitting in
front of me, Rebecca on my left, and Jem absent from his seat on my right.

   "Heya, Ben," Rebecca said.  I hadn't expected her to talk to me.  The
loneliness began to fade as she started talking, but not much.  I wasn't
completely comfortable talking to girls.  Not yet.

   "How was your first week of school?" I asked.  There were still two
minutes before the bell rang to begin class so I figured I might as well
make small talk.

   "Pretty good.  How was your weekend?"  Rebecca was also interested in
small talk.  That was a good sign.  It was Monday morning and talking was
the only way we'd ever be able to stay awake.

   "Pretty good," I replied.
   
   "Did you have sex?" Rebecca asked.  She was curious, I'll give her that
much, but she was asking very questions.  I decided it would be best to
dodge the question.

   "Why do you assume gay guys have sex all the time?" I asked.  My
phrasing could have been better, I think she caught my attempt to get
around her question.

   "You're changing the subject.  I figured since guys always want sex but
don't get it because of their girlfriends, gays must have sex all the time. 
So, did you or not?"  She was certainly demanding.  And maybe her logic had
some reason..  But she'd called my bluff.  At that point, telling her it
was none of her business wouldn't have stopped her because she'd have
jumped to conclusions.  The only remaining question: should I lie?

   "Well, promise not to tell anyone?" I asked coyly.
   
   "Yes!  I want to know," she said.
   
   "Well, if you must know.." I paused, "I did."
   
   Rebecca's next question is, as you may have guessed, "Who?"
   
   My eyes shifted from side to side and I leaned closer to Rebecca and
whispered "Jem Little."

   "Oh," she said in dismay.  Girls had always been all over Jem.  His
short blonde hair and hazel eyes combined with his light bronze skin drove
them all wild and I'm sure his deep, soft voice hadn't helped much.

   "Oh?" I asked.  That wasn't what I'd expected.
   
   "Oh, well, I've had a crush on him for a while now and now I'm, well,
jealous," she admitted.  Jealous.. of me?  Wow!  I was suddenly very
thrilled.  Nobody had ever been jealous of me before.

   "I'm sorry.  We can change the subject," I offered.  I didn't really
want to change the subject, I liked the thought of having something she
didn't.  I can't really say why, but it was empowering.

   "Sure.  You know who's really cute?" Rebecca asked.  That was a total
surprise.  She'd gone from being jealous of my boyfriend to talking to me
about cute guys.

   "Daffy Duck," I responded sharply.  She smiled.
   
   "No, Bobby Sinclair," Rebecca snickered.
   
   "The green guy from 'Dinosaurs?'" I asked with a facade of surprise.
   
   "No!  The guy from the football team!" she shouted.  It was a bit louder
than she'd intended it to be and heads turned.  I knew who she was talking
about and was ready to respond when the bell rang to begin class.



   Jem didn't show up for school.  He had ditched before, but never without
telling me first.  He always gave me a ride home after school, but when
2:30 rolled around, his car was nowhere to be seen.

   Thinking Jem must be ill and missed the chance to call and inform me of
that, I walked back to the pay phone to call my father.  I lifted the phone
and tapped the first two buttons of my telephone number and looked up
sharply.

   I dropped the phone without thinking about it and walked out of the
school gate.  It was a short, hot walk to a small wash just north of the
campus.  For those of you who don't know what a wash is, it's a river-like
canal designed for water to flow through during rainy seasons.  In Tucson,
Arizona, the washes are dry 99% of the year.

   As small children, Jem and I had played in the wash parallel to Camino
Seco.  The portion the ran under Speedway contained four long tunnels
perfect for places to hide and play games.  As teenagers, Jem and I
frequently used the washes as places to play more adult games during the
day when our parents were at home.

   I don't know what drew me there that day, it just suddenly occurred to
me that if Jem was anywhere, that's where he must be.  I was right.  He was
in the western tunnel, a favorite spot.

   "Jem?" I questioned as I approached him.  He was sitting with his arms
folded over his raised knees and was resting his head in a disturbed
manner.

   "Yeah," he said in a sobbing voice.  Something was wrong.  I knew that
long before I arrived.  But what?

   "You wanna tell me what's wrong?" I asked, sitting next to him.  He
looked up at me and even in the dim light of the covered tunnel, I could
see distinct bruises on his face.

   "You guessed where I was, I bet you can guess on this one," he said.  I
could.  Jem's father was always a little abusive, especially when he was
drunk.  He had been good about it lately.  He wouldn't hit Jem unless..

   "You told him?" I asked, not believing it even as I suggested it.
   
   "No.  He was looking through my room and found some magazines with the
condoms under my bed," Jem sobbed.  He dropped his head down again and
sniffled pitifully.  He wanted sympathy, I think.

   "Oh.  And then he got drunk and hit you?" I completed.  It was a classic
story when it came to Jem's dad.  I'd heard it dozens of times.

   "Yeah," Jem mumbled.  I put an arm around him and pulled him closer. 
And we cried together.



   "Hey, Ben," my dad said when he heard the door open behind him.  He
turned to ask me why I was so late getting home and saw Jem standing next
to me.  "Not again."

   "Yeah.  Again," I said.  It wasn't the first time I'd brought Jem home
with a few bruises.  Why we hadn't done anything about it I wasn't sure. 
It had never occurred to us that we could do anything.

   "Have a seat," he instructed, finding a chair at the table.  We all sat. 
Jem looked far worse in good light than he had in the dark wash.  It had
never looked so bad.

   "Do you know why he hit you this time?" Dad asked.  He was already
furious and made no attempt to hide that.  Mr. Little always had an
attitude and our fathers clashed on more than one occasion.

   "Yeah," Jem said softly.  He was looking down, not wanting to
acknowledge either of us in his battered state.

   "I could deal with this a little better if you'd tell me," Dad said.  He
was going to get demanding, I realized.  I wanted to pick a good time to
tell my dad I like guys.  It would have been nice to be able to pick a time
for it.

   "Because I'm gay," Jem said.  He just said it.  He didn't build up to it
or allude to it or even dodge it.  It was different to say it to Ryan
Zimmerman or someone at school.  This time he was saying it to my father
and neither of us knew what to expect.

   I sat there for what could have been an eternity -- or a few seconds --
waiting for a response.  I knew he'd put two and two together and figure
things out.  I watched for some indication of what he was thinking.  Again,
an eternity passed.

   My father, Jeffrey MacArthur, blinked twice and looked over to me.  His
left eyebrow crooked slightly as if he had suddenly realized something that
wasn't apparent to him before.  And he looked at me.

   I moistened my suddenly dry lips with the end of my tongue and opened my
mouth as if to speak.  Finding no words to give, I closed my mouth and
simply nodded.  It only took a nod.



   "You told him?" Jay asked in disbelief.  It was long after dinner and
Jem, Jay and I were sitting in a small circle in Jay's bedroom.

   "In less words, yeah," I answered.  I was still having trouble believing
it myself.  Jay had asked why Dad was acting so different tonight.

   "Man, I figured he was just mad at Jem's dad," Jay said.  Mad was the
wrong word, Dad had been in a more ponderous mood.  He had a lot of
thinking to do, I guess.

   "I don't think he was mad about Ben or anything, your dad is cooler than
you think," Jem offered.  He was probably right, but I refused to refer to
my father as "cool".

   "He certainly didn't say much tonight," Jay commented.  And he was
right.  Dad had mostly just gone about his business quietly.

   "He has a lot to think about.  And we didn't even mention you," I
replied sharply.  Jay got the hint: it had been a long day and the last
thing we wanted to think about was our parents.

   Jem leaned back into his bean-bag seat and unfolded his legs.  His face
was looking worse than before, but not too much worse.  The wounds were
superficial and would heal.  I looked at him with real thought, something I
didn't usually do.

   Jeremiah David Little.  As he sat there in his cutoff jeans and bare
chest, he seemed less like a boy and more like a god to me.  That's what I
thought at the moment, anyway.  He had in front of him the most painful
situation he'd ever faced and he didn't show it.  Sure his face was more
thoughtful than usual, too, but he was the same person.  He could take the
pain and agony of the situation.  Maybe he wasn't a god after all.  Just a
man.

   And Jay, little Jay.  I turned my eyes to him, resting against his bed. 
He wasn't so little any more, but I never noticed him grow.  He was almost
as tall as I was then.  He'd be fourteen in another couple months.  I
hadn't noticed it before, but he did look a lot like me.  His eyes were
more of a soft hazel, though.  I envied him.  He got all the good genes.

   "You gonna tell Dad?" I asked him suddenly.  We'd all been quiet for a
couple minutes, mostly just thinking.  It had suddenly occurred to me once
again that our father was totally unaware of Jay's own sexual preference. 
He could probably assume, but nothing more.

   "Tell Dad what?" Jay asked in response.  He looked up at me quickly as
he spoke.  He had been examining a piece of string in great detail and my
sudden inquiry interrupted his thought process.

   "That you're.. you know.." Jem replied as if he'd read my mind.  In a
lot of ways we thought alike, having known each other for so many years. 
Jay looked back down to his string and thought for a moment.

   "Not yet.  One problem at a time, right?  And if he kicks you out of the
house, I'll never tell him," Jay joked.  I didn't think it was very funny,
but what are little brothers for if they aren't around to bug you?

   "Not funny," Jem said.  Jay humbly apologized and sat up.  He crossed
his legs and leaned forward.

   "So, when was the first time you two.. you know.." he asked curiously. 
I looked over at Jem and smiled.

   "Isn't that a little personal?" I replied.
   
   "When we were twelve or so," Jem shot back quickly.  I hit him lightly
in the arm and glared at him.  I had wanted to taunt Jay for a while before
answering his questions.  Jay looked at me and smirked mischievously.

   "What about you and Shawn?" I asked.  If Jay was going to ask personal
questions, I might as well, too.

   "Geez, we must have been like ten," Jay replied.  I almost spilled my
Pepsi.  Jem laughed a bit when he saw my reaction.

   "You guys use condoms?" I asked.  I wasn't really concerned much, my
brother usually had some good sense.

   "No.  It'd just be a waste of money.  I figure if I drink his cum and
all, after four years it doesn't matter whether or not we use condoms.  And
it's not like we sleep around with other people," Jay said in great detail. 
In some ways, he had a point.  Jem and I had just always used condoms
because everyone emphasized it and we figured it was safe, but Jay was
right.  After at least four years, if either of us had any kind of disease,
we'd already transferred it and the condoms were probably a waste of time. 
And like Jay had said, it's not like we sleep around.

   "I guess you're right," I said after some thought.
   
   "You use 'em, then?" Jay asked with some degree of certainty.
   
   "Yeah," Jem replied.  "Always have."
   
   "Doesn't that cost a lot?" Jay asked.
   
   "Five-finger discount," Jem explained.  He waved his fingers in
demonstration.  Jay nodded, understanding.

   The conversation extended for well over an hour, mostly just talking
about life.  I'd never talked in such detail with my brother, but some
aspects of the last few weeks had brought things into perspective.  The
three of us could have talked for days, but my father reminded us that
there would be school in the morning and instructed us to go to sleep.

   "I dunno how to thank you guys," Jem said to me once my bedroom light
was out.  It was dark and he sounded so far away, even if he was laying
next to me.

   "For what?" I asked, forgetting the situation entirely.
   
   "For letting me stay here," Jem replied.  He sighed.
   
   "It isn't the first time and at the rate your dad's going, it won't be
the last," I answered.

   "You remember the first time?"
   
   "Yeah."
   
   "I came over here in the middle of that rainstorm with a bloody lip and
a black eye."

   "Yeah, and I asked you if you lost a bet.  It was kinda funny.  I didn't
know you were crying because of the rain."

   "And your mom ran me a warm bath and insisted I stay the night."
   
   "Yeah."
   
   "Ben, I love you," Jem said.  He had never actually said that to me.  At
one point, it had been idle sex between us.  Things had evolved to the
point where there was more than just the sex itself, but never had either
of us said "I love you."  Why?  Maybe it never occurred to us that we
should say it.  Or maybe we never thought it.  It didn't matter then.  I
turned to Jem and pressed my lips to his.  As his mouth warmed mine, I
began to wonder: What will tomorrow hold?



   2:30 p.m.  Sahuaro High School, Tucson, Arizona.
   
   "Could the day have been any worse?" Jem asked as we walked toward the
parking lot.

   "That bad, eh?" I asked.  Jem looked up at me and frowned.  He was the
only person I'd ever though was cute when frowning.  I smiled.

   "I don't think a single person failed to ask about the bruises," Jem
grumbled.  He hadn't wanted to talk about it and from what I heard, just
made excuses.  I couldn't blame him.  We stopped at the curb for a minute
and looked around.

   "Hey, Ben," came a voice from behind.  Jem and I spun in unison to greet
the unfamiliar voice.

   "Uh, yeah?" I said, recognizing the face of a guy from my math class. 
I'd never actually talked with him.

   "You need a ride home?" he asked.  The pieces weren't all there.  A guy
whose name I didn't even know was offering me a ride home.  Well, I'm not
one to pass up a chance to avoid walking home under the Arizona sun.  I'm
also not one to take rides from strangers.

   "Do I know you?" I asked in response.  He seemed a bit hurt.
   
   "Sam Davey, from geometry," he introduced.  Sam is a nice name.  I
always liked it.  It suited him well.  Sam was tall with soft brown hair
that fell wildly from the center of his head.  His eyes matched his hair
perfectly in tone and beauty and his skin was flawless.  He was clad in a
pair of Levis and a white undershirt.  It wasn't much of a fashion
statement, but he made it look good.

   "Nice to meet you.  A ride home would be nice.  You got room for two?" I
asked.  He nodded and led us to his truck.  It was an ugly old Ford, but it
was a ride nonetheless.

   We were silent for about half of the trip home, with the exception of
directions on how to get to my house.  Then, out of nowhere, Sam spoke.

   "I was wondering if you could give me a little advice," he said softly. 
It took me a minute to figure out what he said.  Even sitting two inches
away, I had trouble hearing him.

   "Sure.  What do you want to know?" I asked.  My mind cycled through the
possibilities of what he could possibly want to know, but the answer seemed
obvious.

   "Well, umm.." he studdered.  He didn't want to say it.  Either that or
he didn't know how to say it.

   "You know where these bruises came from?" Jem interjected.  He leaned
forward and Sam looked at him briefly and made a frightened gulping sound.

   "Don't let him scare you," I said.  "Just say what you want to say."
   
   "I'm.. gay," he said.
   
   "Yeah, so?  What kind of advice do you want?" I asked.
   
   "Well, like.. coming out.  Everyone knows you're gay so I figured I
could ask you," he said.  His voice shook as he spoke and he never looked
at me as he said it.

   "Do you have a brother?" I asked.
   
   "What?" he said, confused.
   
   "A brother.  Nobody would know I'm gay if it wasn't for my loud-mouth
brother," I said.

   "Oh.  No, I'm an only child," he replied.  I had been joking around and
he obviously hadn't caught that.

   "Just be yourself.  Nobody really cares," Jem said.  Maybe his advice
was better than mine, I don't know.  Saying nobody really cares is a half
truth.  Some people do care how others act.

   "Listen, you guys got plans for the afternoon?" Sam asked us.  He looked
over at us hopefully and I turned to Jem who only shrugged.

   "No, what's up?" I replied.  Sam was a shifty person.  I had no idea
what to expect.  His mood seemed to change quickly.

   "I was gonna go horseback riding.  Wanna come along?" he offered. 
Horseback riding was one of my favorite activities, but only because I'd
rarely done it.  Jem liked it, too, but had ridden less than I had.

   "Sure.  Will there be a phone?" I asked.  I decided it'd be best to call
my dad and tell him where I was going for once.  Sam nodded.



   "My god, my legs hurt," Jem complained once we'd both collapsed onto my
bed that night.  We'd just gotten home and after riding horses all
afternoon and well into the evening, our muscles ached.

   "Can't be any worse than mine," I agreed.  "It was fun, though.  Haven't
done that in a while."

   "Yeah, it takes your mind off things," Jem said.
   
   "And we made a new friend.  That's the important part," I reminded him. 
Jem seemed to become more comfortable every time he met someone new.  I'm
not sure why, it's just the feeling of friendship.  It was almost hard to
believe he'd been so insecure just months before.
   
   "Man, he was hot, too," he admitted.  I'd noticed him staring at Sam
when I wasn't.

   "Speaking of taking your mind off things..." I said.  It didn't bother
me so much that Jem was attracted to Sam, I just wanted an excuse to fool
around.

   I unbuttoned the button at the top of Jem's shorts.  He looked over at
me and kissed me softly.  Jem seemed to like the taste of the sweat on my
lips because he moved closed and pressed harder with his mouth.  His tongue
poked through and explored my mouth with enthusiasm.  If nothing else, the
boy was full of energy.

   From within the close embrace, I unzipped Jem's pants and tried to pull
them off.  He had to move to assist me, but they came off quickly.  Still
sore and exhausted, Jem fell back onto the bed.  I pulled down his striped
boxers to reveal his limp cock.

   "It's hard to be excited after such a long day?" I asked sarcastically. 
Jem only smiled at me in response.  He fell back again with a sigh, trying
to encourage me by acting more tired than he already was.  He was
practically playing hard-to-get.

   Well, I've never been one to turn down a challenge.  I lowered my head
and sucked Jem's soft tool into my mouth.  I moved it around with my tongue
and played with it as much as I could while it hardened.  Jem seemed to be
having the time of his life.  While all the other muscles in his body ached
and didn't want to move, the important one was still functional.

   Jem's cock hardened quickly and forced me to retract my head.  His six
and one half inches were more than I was ready for.  Soon, though, it was
standing at full attention and I proceeded to give him the best blowjob my
exhausted body would allow.

   "Oh God, that feels good," Jem moaned as I ran my tongue down his shaft. 
I enveloped his manhood in my mouth and felt its head touch the back of my
mouth.  I didn't stop until my nose was buried in his curly pubic hair.

   The sensation of having Jem's cock in my mouth, even after just two days
without it, was beautiful.  No other word could possibly describe it.  I'd
always loved having it inside me, one end or the other, but that night it
felt absolutely marvelous.  I slid my head back and then forward again,
never removing my tongue from his slender dick.

   Soon, between moans Jem's hips bucked against my face.  Even his tired
muscles could manage a little please here and there.  Saliva collected in
my mouth, forcing me to swallow now and then, as I performed one of my
favorite tasks.  And soon, as always happened, it climaxed.  I felt a burst
of liquid hit my throat and began to swallow.  Jem shot more into me that
night than I'd ever seen him put out in one orgasm.  Maybe it was the love
between us or maybe it was because he hadn't done it the day before, but it
was phenomenal.

   "I love you," I said softly.  As the tension settled, I moved up over
Jem and kissed him.  It was a long, passionate kiss, and it truly was love.



   The horseback riding and activities afterwards had taken our minds off
the present problem: Jem's father.  But the problem was still there.  His
dad had always been homophobic and I suppose finding out his only child is
gay would hurt someone like that.  Neither of us really knew what to expect
to happen, but we certainly didn't expect things to happen as they did.

   Jem and I walked sleepily into the kitchen the next morning and found my
father on the phone.  He was sitting at the table with a very serious look
on his face and talking in a voice such that we couldn't quite catch all of
what he said.  He excused himself when he saw us and hung up the phone.

   "Jem, that was your mom on the phone.  I don't know exactly how to tell
you this, but you father shot himself last night," he said.  I turned to
Jem in time to watch a lone tear run down his face.  I bit my lower lip and
hugged Jem.  Only one thing was going through my mind as he rested his head
on my shoulder: It's over.

------------------------------------------------------------------
   For those of you who wanted the story to keep going and going and going,
rent a long movie.  Four parts is about all I can take of this one and I
don't plan on writing a fifth.  While in my previous series, I dealt purely
with love between two people, I wanted to expand the range to real life. 
That was the purpose of "Jem'n'I," to show a more realistic side to life as
a gay teenager.
   If you were disappointed with the ending, and I suppose some readers
might be, wait for my next series.  I don't think it will involve any of
these characters, but it'll be good.  I promise.
   Now, I need to say this: I don't condone unprotected sex in any way. 
It's only suggested here because the text represents how a person in the
given situation may think.  I personally believe condoms are a good thing
and I realize the characters in my story don't exactly seem to share that
view.  Use 'em anyway, the risk of disease is a lot greater when you're not
some character in a story.
   Now that I've said that, lets get on to the fun stuff: Thanks for
reading.  If you haven't read the whole series, e-mail me and I'll give you
the address.  If you'd like to find my previous series which does involve
several characters that appear in earlier parts of "Jem'n'I," I can help
you find that, too.  If you have comments like "Your series sucked, you
shouldn't have ended it like this," you can e-mail me with that.  I really
hope you liked it and again, the address is "GideonVI@aol.com".  See you..
out there. -Paul