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"More Than A Memory"
Dizzy and enchanted and swooning to the point of losing my equilibrium.
That's how I felt walking home that night from the bus stop. In fact, on the bus ride towards my street...I noticed that I kept reaching my fingers up to my own lips...lightly tracing them. Thinking..."He kissed me. Oh, dear God in Heaven...he actually kissed me." I had to keep reminding myself that it really happened, for fear of losing a single second of detail to some form of post-kiss denial. The whole experience was so surreal. And when I realized that I was sitting on a bus with other people and randomly touching my lips with my own fingers...I had to force my hands back down into my lap and try to keep still.
Only to have my hand slowly float back up to them once again only a few seconds later.
He kissed me.
Jesse kissed me.
He wanted to kiss me.
He LIKED kissing me.
So he did. He...he kissed me.
I felt my footsteps taper off of the sidewalk a few times, and I had to focus to walk straight again. But all I could see were visions of Jesse leaning towards me...his fingers in my hair...his blue eyes narrowing...and then the brush of his lips against my own. The slightest touch of moisture. I just...I can't stop replaying it over and over in my head. I can't. Wow. I feel faint. I probably would have passed out already if I could stop my body from trembling like this. I tried, but I couldn't. It was a sensation that would not be tamed.
Funny. It kinda tickles. Hehehe!
I almost missed the walkway going up to my front door, but managed to catch myself in time. I reached into my pocket for my keys, and found the napkin that Jesse had given me to keep. I snickered out loud to myself as I looked at the adorably obscene drawing on it, and tried to fan away a nervous blush as I walked in through the front door.
"Tristan? Is that you?" My mom called out from the other room.
"Yeah...." I sighed quietly.
"How was your little outing? Did you have a good time with your friend?"
"Yeah...." I sighed again. Why was I just standing there by the door, staring off into space like some kind of basket case? Hehehe!
"Well...are you going to talk at me from around the corner all night, or what? Come on in here, tell me how everything went." She said.
UGH! Come on, Mom! Please, don't do the 'parent' thing right now! I appreciate it and all, but she's kind of ruining the afterglow of my first real kiss here. The first one that matters, that is? Jason Fixx doesn't count. Kissing him was like licking a homeless person's bare feet in comparison! Eww!
"Mom, I'm gonna...go kick my shoes off and stuff to get comfortable. So...I'll be back in a minute." I had no intention of coming back in a minute, or ten minutes, or in an hour. Right now, I just want to lay back on my bed, smile, and let my spirit just kind of...hover for a while. I wanted to drift on this cloud for as long as humanly possible. Maybe even forever.
Wow...he really kissed me.
Once I got to my room and closed the door, I found myself stuck in limo again. Just...letting my mind go blank for a few moments. I eventually sat down on my bed, smiled to myself, and then laid back as I zoned out for another few minutes. Again...my fingers reached up to trace the soft, thin, ridge of my lips. I don't know why I kept doing that. Just...something about it felt good.
'Can I kiss you?' That's what he asked me. I'll never forget the nervous little tilt in his voice when he said it. As though I had any option, whatsoever, of saying no to him. And then we just...wow...we just...
I heard the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand next to me, and saw Lori's number pop up on the display. Unh unh! No way! I couldn't answer it. Not yet. Not now. I have absolutely No idea what I'm going to tell her. None. What do I say? I haven't found the words yet. I'm already infatuated enough to practically defy gravity at this point, how in the heck does she expect me to go into details of the most stupendous and overwhelmingly AWESOME night of my entire life with only the entire English language at my disposal? I'll probably end up trying to communicate with incomprehensible whines and squeaks just trying to describe the beauty of his smile alone.
She'll have to wait a while for this one. Lori has to wait. Michelle has to wait. My mom has to wait. If aliens invaded the Earth right now and wanted to take me to Neptune to become emperor of the crab people...they'd have to wait too.
Nope. I'm just going to lay here...and sigh...and smile. That's it.
Owwwww, my heart. It's beating soooo hard right now. Feels like it's pumping sludge or something. Geez!
Lori called me three more times that night. Possibly four. That last time she blocked her phone number from coming up. My mom checked in on me twice. The second time I pretended to be asleep. She turned the lights out on me and closed the door back, but instead of even bothering to turn them back on after she left...I just laid there in the dark. I wasn't really staring at anything special anyway. And hours later, those waves of bliss were still rippling back and forth within me. From head to toe and back again. And those same five words just kept echoing in the back of my mind...
"Wow...he really kissed me..."
I'm not sure how late it was when I actually fell asleep, but I had pretty much slept straight through 'breakfast time'. And you want to know something? Hehehe, I STILL felt good! A little bit more stable, but jittery with a good mood and smile bright enough to challenge the sunshine itself. DAMN, I feel good!
I had only been awake for all of five minute before I heard my phone buzzing again. Hehehe, I don't know why I try to be stubborn enough to keep Lori at bay for more than a few hours at a time. She always wins in the end.
I picked up the phone and prepared for the initial ten minutes of having her bitch me out for not calling her last night and giving her the total scoop on my night of magic. Hehehe, I didn't mind though. Nothing could bring me down today.
So I told her the whole deal. From the hand holding, to the coffee and donuts, to the awesome conversation we had with each other at the table. I mean, I just couldn't tell her enough how utterly impressed I was with Jesse on a whole other level now! And it was the honest truth. I mean...sure he was beautiful. He was GORGEOUS! But, I mean...that's just kind of a genetic luck of the draw. He can't help being the most delicious boy on the planet. He was just born that way. But he was really easy to talk to. And he listens. And he's funny, and witty, and thoughtful, and smart. He's not afraid to share himself and his thoughts about almost anything...and yet he's still a little shy a lot of times. Which is the sexiest combination EVER in a boy like that! You know? Seriously. Because he's got the platform to be one of the most arrogant, self centered, and selfish people on the planet. He could have been a total jerk, and I probably still would have dropped to my knees and thanked him just for sharing a few breaths of oxygen with me in the sight of other people. He could have been that way...but he's not. He's sooooo sweet! He takes an interest in every word you say, and he never makes you feel weird about it. Even our silences were fun.
I feel like a total geek for saying this, but I knew that I was going to remember this for the rest of my life. When I'm 115 years old with a cyborg body and riding around on a hover board...I'm going to be thinking about my very first date with Jesse-101...and how he completely blew my mind with nothing more than a smile.
Then...I made the mistake of telling Lori about...um...after the date. Yeah...I should have expected her reaction to be that...um....loud.
My mom was vacuuming around the bedrooms at the time, and I didn't want her to accidentally overhear something that she shouldn't. So I left my room and walked out into the living room instead, hoping the noise of the vacuum would drown out any incriminating chit chat between Lori and I.
I told Lori, "So...he was going to say goodnight and stuff and get off the bus..."
She's like, "NO! Tristan! Please tell me that you didn't just let him walk off the bus all by himself like that?"
"Nope! I got smart this time, and I told him that I'd get off with him and walk him home."
"YES!!! Good boy!" She said. "You were a total gentleman, sir."
"Why thank you, my fair lady." I grinned.
"So then what happened?"
I giggled a bit, and I said..."Well....we walked to his house..."
"And then we talked for a minute or two..."
"And then...." I took a really long pause, making sure that she was almost ready to reach through the phone and friggin' CHOKE me to death! "....And then he kissed me. Hehehe!"
"HE WHAT????? HE FUCKING....HE....WHAT?!?!?!" She screamed. Annnnnd.....that's when I heard my mom shut the vacuum off and start wrapping up the power cord.
Lori was screaming so loud that I was SURE that my mom could hear her! YIKES!!! I suddenly panicked and ran around the corner with the phone. But she was still shrieking like a banshee in my ear! I was trying to cover up the phone with my hands, but it didn't do much good.
"Tristan?" My mom called out. SHIT!
"I'm here, Mom! I'm just...I'm gonna...um...go outside for a minute! Be back soon! BYE!" I hurried towards the back door and shut it behind me, rushing into the backyard and trying my best to get Lori to shut the hell up before she exposed me to the whole damn neighborhood! "Jesus CHRIST, Lori! What are you trying to DO to me here?"
Breathing hard to the point where her voice was trembling, Lori kept repeating, "Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! He kissed you??? Was it amazing? I'll bet it was amazing!"
I couldn't help but notice that Lori's excitement was kind of contagious, but I managed to keep my voice down as I paced back and forth on the lawn. "Hehehe...well..." I blushed.
"C'mon! Don't do that! TELL ME before I start screaming again!"
"No! Please don't!" I grinned. "Ok...so...yeah. It was the most amazing kiss EVER! His lips are really, like...soft. He was really gentle with me. Hehehe..."
Lori put her hand over her mouth, but her high pitched whimpers were still coming through, loud and clear. "Omigod! Ok...so how did he do it? I mean, did he catch you by surprise, or what?"
"NO! Get this...we were talking, and he actually gave me this really cute smile, and he's like....'Can I kiss you?' And then he did." I giggled out loud as I heard Lori fall back on her mattress and practically pass out on me.
"That is soooooo romantic! So you guys made it official? You're technically dating now, right?"
"Hehehe, yeah. I kinda think we are. It feels weird, you know? Like...I don't know, like it's not supposed to be this easy."
"Trust me, Tristan, there was nothing easy about getting your sweet little ass out there to make this happen."
"Hehehe, my sweet little ass?"
Lori snickered, "I'll just bet you that Jesse noticed. Was he staring at it? He opened a lot of doors for you, didn't he? It's so he can stare at your butt after you walk by."
"Shut up." I said. Then I began to wonder...did he peek? I can't remember. Do I have a nice ass? I need a mirror. I'll be sure to model for myself later. The quality of my butt never mattered before. Great, now there's something else for me to worry about.
"So what's next?" Lori asked me.
"I don't know. He wants me to call him back really soon, he said. I just...I didn't want to seem like some kind of needy stalker boy by jumping on the phone already."
"What are you talking about? Are you going back to playing GAMES with this boy? Tristan...you WON! He's yours! CALL HIM!!!"
"I WILL! Just...not right now. I just saw him like 16 hours ago for crying out loud. Besides, I need some time to think up some more stuff to say to him. It's hard to concentrate with a stomach full of butterflies on a cocaine high." I told her. And it was then that I turned around to look back a the house, and my mom was standing there in the kitchen window. I gave her a weird look and a bit of a wave, then I turned my back to the window and whispered to Lori, "Oh God...my mom is totally watching me from the window right now. I wouldn't be surprised if she was trying to read my lips right now. Listen, I've gotta go."
Lori whined, "Noooo, but...tell me more. I wanna know more about Jesse's sexy lips being pressed against yours."
"It'll have to wait. I'm being spied on. Hehehe! But...I can say this...I think I am totally head over heels for this boy. He's so much more than I ever dreamed. I'm gonna shake myself to pieces just talking about him. You know?"
Another muffled whimper came from her side of the phone. You'd think we were both dating Jesse at this point. "Well, don't think that I'm going to just forget about this. I expect a much juicier report tomorrow morning, mister!"
"You got it. Promise." I sighed to myself, and I said, "All I know is...I can't wait to see him again. I really can't. I'll talk to you later. See ya."
"Can't wait to see who again?" Came a voice from over my shoulder. How the hell did Scotty Lynch get into my backyard without me seeing him?
"Huh? Wha...?" The little imp just caught me by surprise.
"You said you couldn't wait to see somebody again."
"I...was talking about my cousin....Donald..." What the...where did I come up with a stupid lie like that?
"Your cousin, Donald?"
"Yeah. My Aunt was a fan of the duck." Well, I guess that answered that question, didn't it? "Scotty, what are you doing here?"
"I was going to the park. I always cut through your backyard when I go to the park. Just in case you were home and wanted to go." He said. I nodded, and he waited for a moment before asking, "Soooo....do you wanna go to the park?"
I shook my head. For some reason, I was having trouble trying to speak. "Ahem, I mean...I would, Scotty, but I've got a lot of cleaning and stuff to do today. And homework due tomorrow. It's just a busy day for me, that's all."
"Ah, I gotchya. Weekend homework sucks."
"Yeah, well it get worse in high school. Trust me."
Scotty still waited around for another second or two, and he looked up into my eyes. A nervous tremor ran through him, and for a moment it looked like he was about to confess all and beg me to get naked with him. Seriously. Thankfully, he turned chicken on me. "K...well, I should get going then. I'll see you later." Then he said, "I like that shirt." What that had to do with anything, I'll never know. But...umm...thanks, I guess.
I know that I had written Scotty off as some kind of pest before, not in a bad way...just in a little brother kinda way. But he really is a sweet guy at heart. I don't want to hurt him or anything. The idea of me breaking his heart is killing me. My only way out of it is hoping that Scotty either finds himself a cutie his own age, or if his puppy love for me just fades away with puberty and he starts humping the leg of every random boy in town. Either way...if it'll get me out of the task of having to look into those puppy dog eyes and reject that big golden heart of his, I'll welcome it.
My mom spent the next few hours trying to sneak in ways to ask me what was going on with me. She could tell that I was being a bit more secretive than usual. Mom's always can. But she can be suspicious all she wants, I'm not spilling the beans on this one. I'm keeping my kissable lips sealed. Hehehe, of course, it would help if I could stop smiling to myself at random while walking around the house. Wow...he really kissed me. Hehehe, sorry. That just keeps coming up every now and then, and...oooh....there it is. I'm getting all tingly again. Sighhh...
There were a few times when I kept picking up my phone and staring at the 'J. Kyler' ID on the display. I can't bring myself to erase it. I doubt I ever will. Should I call him? He did say call him soon. Hehehe, listen to me! I'm just gonna casually call Jesse-101 up on the phone. Like, "Hey! What's up?" I can do that now. I've got his phone number right there. I think tomorrow I'll just call up Beyonce and ask her if she wants to do lunch. I've got it like that now.
I did manage to finish my homework, but Jesse was running through my mind every six seconds. I almost put his name down for answers number three, five, and seven. My teacher would have loved tying to figure that one out. I got online and couldn't wait to just...look at his face again. Hear his voice. Just pretend that he was right here with me for a little while. I've seen all of Jesse's videos a million times, but I never get tired of them. They never cease to make me smile. I've probably given each video a few thousand hits each just from my browser alone. I hope he can't see that. He'll think I'm a psycho. Which would be something that I'd rather have him learn about me slowly.
My eyes sprung wide open when I went to his YouTube account...and saw a brand new video that had been post just two hours ago! SWEET! I sat up straight in my chair and felt my heart beating faster as I clicked on it.
Hehehe...it started out with Jesse sitting in front of his camera...and Artie standing right beside him with his arms folded, and the cutest pout on his little red lips. Hehehe, Artie had his back to Jesse, and they both just kind of stayed that way in silence for almost 30 seconds straight. Then Jesse smiled at the camera....then looked back at Artie, who refused to look him in the eye. What the heck are they up to now?
Finally, Jesse says, "So....apparently Artie is mad at me today. Or not so much 'mad' as he is INSANELY jealous. Isn't that right, Artie? Artie didn't answer him of course. Just inhaled deeply and let out a frustrated sigh. Hehehe, awwww! "Yeah, Artie's upset because I spent all day yesterday with a really, REALLY, cute boy. Right, Artie? A really REALLY REALLY cute boy. I mean, haven't you ever spent a whole day with a really REALLY REALLY cute boy before? Artie turned around just long enough to shoot daggers in Jesse's direction before turning his back again, making Jesse giggle to himself. "It's not MY fault he was so beautiful. And awesome. And really REALLY REALLY cute. Hehehe!"
A feeling welled up inside of me that made me feel like a half melted gumdrop inside. I wonder if Lori has seen this yet. If she had, I'm sure I would have heard the screams from across town by now. Shattering windows and setting off car alarms all over the major metropolitan area.
"Well, guys...it look like Artie is going to be even less talkative than normal. Good! Maybe now I can get a word in edgewise for a change. Geez!" Jesse said. "So yes, ladies and gentlemen and everything outside and in between...I was able to spend a few long, enjoyable, hours at the mall with a boy who, putting it lightly, is the stuff dreams are made of. And not just regular dreams either. The kind that get ya all sticky and send you down to the washing machine at 4 AM!" Artie walked off camera for a second, and Jesse called him back immediately. "You come back here and be a good vid partner! Hehehe! Behave...
Isn't he the best? And famous. And HOT! That's it ran through my mind again...
'Wow...he really kissed me...'
"So anyway, this video is last minute...because...like I said, hehehe.... Jesse and Artie looked at each other again for a moment, and Artie almost cracked a smile once he saw Jesse grinning at him. ...I spent the whole DAY...like HOURS...just staring into the eyes of someone absolutely gorgeous! And Artie wasn't there. Artie stayed home and helped his dad clean the gutters on the roof of the garage. Which...you know...I'm sure that was a good time too, right? I mean, hehehe, you weren't pressing your lips against a total HOTTIE or anything...but sometimes, getting dirty enough to need three showers is a good way to spend a Saturday afternoon. So, good for you, dude. I'm sure those gutters are sparkling right now. Good job, man."
Hahaha, that time, Artie DID break a smile, even though he tried his hardest not to! He started snickering out loud, and he doubled over as Jesse leaned back in his chair with a hearty laugh of his own. They had to cut and edit a big part out so they could get back to a straight face again.
"Ok, so we got a question from Jonathan in Syracuse who asked, 'If we could have any dream job that we wanted right now, what would it be and why?' And since Artie isn't talking to me, I'm going to answer for both of us. Until he finds himself a cute boy to kiss and hold him on a rainy night or something..." Suddenly, Artie shocked Jesse by punching him pretty hard in the shoulder. "OWWWW!!! Jesus, Artie! What the...hahaha! EASY!!!" They had to edit again, but even after the film jumped, Jesse was still rubbing his shoulder. "Ok, so we've got to pick just one dream job...and we pick...." There was a pause, and they smiled at each other. "...We pick, celebrity physician! Weird right???"
Hehehe, where the hell did he get an answer like that from?
"I mean, THINK about it, you guys! All celebrities have to get physicals and get checked out just like everybody else, right? Especially actors or singers on a world tour or something...their insurance makes them get checked out all the time. And WE could be those physicians!" Jesse smirked. "Imagine...right now, there's a guy out there somewhere who actually got to 'finger' Brad Pitt for a prostate exam!" OMIGOD!!! I laughed louder than I meant to at that, and had to cover my mouth as Artie gave the camera the most adorable look of shock! "It's TRUE, people! Channing Tatum? Getting fingered! Johnny Depp? Getting fingered! Seriously! I'd love to shake the hand of the guy who gets to finger Al Pacino! Hehehe, I mean...really...what was THAT like the first time around?" I had to hold my breath to keep from laughing too loud. My mom was sure to come tapping at my bedroom door any minute if I kept cracking up like this. "Just think, Artie...instead of helping your dad clean the gutters, you could be asking Justin Bieber to drop trow and give him the old 'two fingered poke and wiggle' before he travels over seas! And he goes overseas a LOT, dude! They would pay you for that!" Artie's eyes got SUPER wide, and he started nodding frantically to sign on to that idea. "They get hard when you do that, you know? Gay or not. You could be the 'happy ending' guy too. Imagine that. It's for a good cause. Celebrities need to relax every now and then. I know I do." Jesse giggled to himself, but as I saw the little red line reaching the end of the strip...I knew that the video was almost over. I was still smiling, but that unavoidable touch of sadness remained. I missed him already.
The video could have been 6 hours long, and it still wouldn't have been enough. So...I guess I should have expected that.
"Ok, you guys, just one question for tonight, but we'll answer more in the future. Once Artie stops being mad at me. Hehehe! And if you liked this video, hit the 'Like' button down below, and subscribe, and add comments and stuff! Because comments are super cool!" He said. No no no noooooo...just a FEW more seconds, Jesse! Please? PLEASE??? "Gotta run and think about more people that need a good fingering. You know...besides Artie over here! Later!" Artie raised his fist to hit Jesse again, but the screen went to black before he got another blow in. Hehehe, good thing, because this looked like it was gonna be even harder than the last one. Hehehe, those two...
Did Jesse just brag about me on his YouTube channel??? Did he call me cute? Beautiful? Hehehe, wet dream material? Sighhhh...why can't he have twenty more videos for me to watch right now? I MISS him already! I'm craving just a LITTLE bit more! Just...is there anything that I haven't seen a million times already? Does he have, like...a new note, or a....or a....something????
Arrrghhhh!!! No! I can't stand this. I can't. I'm actually squirming in my chair right now!
I'm gonna call him...
I know I said that I wasn't going to call him until tomorrow...but no...I've got to hear his voice right NOW! Like...I mean it.
He posted a new video...I could talk to him about that, right? That won't seem weird. I'll just said that I called for that...and then...I'll try to keep from screaming like a total fangirl when he answers the phone. I can do that, right? I can pull that off. Just...dial, wait, and...speak
J. Kyler. He's right there. At my fingertips. And I...'love' him. I really do.
Ok...here goes everything...