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It always impresses me how I can feel so nervous, and yet so comfortable, being with Jesse at the same time. It's like my emotions keep tilting back and forth, almost as if trying to find some sort of sane balance between love and terror. With me occasionally tilting too far towards one side or the other, and having to consciously get myself back to an upright standing position all over again.
Funny thing is...I think that was the 'fun' part.
Jesse had his bashful moments too. Always hiding his smile from me as he blushed and looking down at the table. There would be this really short silence between us. And we'd sort of peek up at each other and giggle...then sigh and go right back to talking again. I couldn't accept the idea that he really liked me as much as he said he did. It was a difficult fantasy to dive into. But whenever Jesse's eyes met mine, my heart would swell, my lungs would shrink, and I'd squirm in my seat as I tried to get my own hormone drenched body under control.
I distracted myself by taking a few bites of one of the many doughnuts we had been filling up on. And suddenly, Jesse raised his phone and took a pic of me chewing. "Hey!" I grinned.
"Sorry. You had some sugar flakes on the side of your lips. I thought it was cute. Hehehe!"
"I thought you said your battery was dead."
"It is. That probably won't even come out." He said, but I knew he wasn't telling me the truth. The sneaky little punk.
After a moment of watching me wipe my mouth with a napkin, Jesse asked, "You don't like having your picture taken, do you?"
I said, "Well...it's not that, really. Just candid shots. I always worry that it's going to come out really ugly. I don't want you to look at it later and think, 'Wow, that Tristan boy isn't anywhere near as cute as I thought he was.'"
He laughed out loud at the idea. "Somehow I highly doubt that." He said. "I can't believe that you would actually be worried about how you look."
"I worry about everything, remember?" I said. "I just...I try to take my time to think about things clearly. And the more I think, the more weirdness I make up in my head. And he more I do that, the further detached I get from reality. By that time, what 'feels' like a perfectly logical decision ends up being the dumbest thing I've ever done in my whole life."
That's when Jesse said, "Like...ditching me in the mall that one day?" He smiled when he said it, but I couldn't help but to feel a twinge of shame from the thought of what I did.
"Yeah..." I mumbled. I lowered my eyes for a moment, but Jesse reached across the table to touch my hand. Just a brief touch, but it was enough to get me to lift my eyes again...his magic smile greeting me to let me know it was ok. I said, "That wasn't because of anything you did, you know? It's just...I haven't had much luck with things like this. You seemed a bit too good to be true. Especially after...well, it's not important."
"No. Tell me. I wanna know." He said, wiping his fingers and leaning forward in his seat to give me his focus and attention.
I have to admit that there was a certain amount of pressure on me at that moment, but...ok. Might as well get this out of the way. I said, "I've....sort of been hurt before. Sometimes it seems like it was ages ago, and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. But, as much as I realize that his actions aren't really a good way to view the rest of my life...it's hard to get away from it sometimes."
"Oh. I see." He said. With a softened voice, Jesse asked, "...So...you still have feelings for someone else then?"
"Oh! Oh GOD no! Hehehe! Nothing like that. That guy was a total asshole." Jesse giggled along with me, but I couldn't help but to notice the tiniest sigh of relief as it escaped his gentle lips. "No...we weren't together long. I can't even say that we were together much at all. He never really cared about me. He just wanted to...you know." His eyes widened a bit, but he was quick to hide his surprise.
"So you two...uhh...?"
"Well, no. Not 'everything'. Just some...stuff. Oral stuff..." Should I be telling him this? Why am I telling him this? What the heck is he going to think of me? I should have kept my trap shut.
I couldn't tell if he was hurt, or disappointed, or...'jealous', maybe? He just said, "I guess I can understand that."
"BUT...none of it meant anything. At the end of the day, I was just demeaning and degrading myself to be with someone who only liked me ten minutes at a time. If you know what I mean."
Jesse said, "Well, at least you got a little naughty-time out of the deal. The first boy I fell hard for didn't give me anything other than a permanent scar."
And I said, "Believe it or not...mine gave me a permanent scar too. Just on the inside. Live and learn, huh?"
Jesse gave me a warm smile, and with his voice being a bit stronger than it was a second ago, he said, "You know what? He missed out. Big time. Personally, I'm GLAD he was such an idiot. It makes more room ME! Hehehe! So there!"
"This is true. Hehehe!"
"I mean, did he ever wine you and dine like this?" He said, spreading his hands out over the plate of leftover doughnuts.
"Can't say that he was a 'wine and dine' kinda guy. But he DID bring me some food from Burger Hut once. So, that counts as a romantic gesture, right?"
"Dude, if you think Burger Hut counts as a romantic gesture, then I am totally gonna blow your MIND! Just wait, you'll see." I don't know how he could cheer me up, even when I was beginning to spiral down into that depressing puddle of regret that is my history with Jason Fixx. But somehow, he managed to pull it off. Gracefully, at that.
"Hey, you guys? I hate to spoil a good time, but we're closing up in about five minutes. Alright?" Said the guy behind the counter as he came out to wipe down the tables and put some chairs up for the night.
I couldn't believe that the mall was already closing. Had I really been there for almost two hours already? Where did the time go?
Suddenly...that pressure...that incredible tension came back to the table, and Jesse and I found ourselves trying to fight off a mild panic as our time together was quickly coming to an end for the night. I didn't want to go. Neither did he. We fidgeted a bit, but had no way to make our date last any longer than the few minutes that we had left.
"Time flies, huh?" I said, trembling as my nerves began to vibrate with the threat of having to tell my angel goodnight.
Jesse whispered, "Yeah...I guess it does." He lightly bit the side of his bottom lip, and he said, "You know...I don't think I've ever known anybody who was so easy to talk to. Something about you just...it makes me get lost in things, and I totally lose track of time. I really like that about you."
"I thought you only felt comfortable talking to your camera." I blushed.
"You're much better than talking to a camera. Believe me." I saw the look in his eyes intensify for a brief moment. I can't really say that I recognized the look that he was giving me, but as he gazed into my eyes, I nearly had an orgasm from it. My body temperature shot up another 20 degrees, and I tried to giggle softly to break the mood...but Jesse wouldn't let me. He looked as if he was about to say something. Something profound. But he couldn't seem to get the words together. He looked around the coffee sheep, and we were the only ones left. Was he...? Wait..was he going to kiss me? Right HERE? I've had Scotty Lynch look at me like that before, but this was much more determined. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if he was going to jump over the table and knock me backwards in my chair.
And you know what? It would be so HOT if he did!!!
"Closing up, fellas..." The guy said, and started shutting off some of the lights in the shop.
Almost desperate for another few minutes, Jesse quickly stood up and took me by the hand. "Come on! There's something we've gotta do before the rest of the mall closes!"
"Do? Like what?" I asked, but he just yanked me along behind him and out into the mall hallway.
"Here, here, here! We need more pictures!" He snickered.
He stoof those little two person mall photo booths and pulled the little curtain back. "Hehehe, don't you have enough pictures of my ugly face on your phone already?" I said.
"Not NEARLY enough!" He grinned as he climbed in and sat down. "But I want something physical. Like an actual picture to hold in my hand. And keep in my wallet and stuff."
I said, "They have digital printers, you know?"
"Will you just get *IN* here?!?!" He pulled me in and told me to close the curtain behind me. He rummaged in his pocket for some extra cash, but as he counted it out, he was a dollar short, outside of the bus money he needed to get him.
"Wait, I've got four quarters." I offered.
"Awesome!" I gave him the coins, he put three of them in the machine, but hesitated with the last one. He looked at me with a wicked smirk, and he said, "Hey, Tristan? What's the difference between a dollar...and a massive boner?"
"What's the difference between a dollar and a massive boner?" He said again.
"Hell, if I know!"
Just as he slipped in the last quarter, he said, "You never gave me a dollar before!" Jesse grabbed my hand and pressed it right into his lap and turned to give me a big kiss on the cheek as the first camera flash caught the gasp and look of shock on my face! I could feel a hard lump there...warm and long. It throbbed slightly when I touched it. But Jess and I were too busy laughing and having a good time to pay it much attention. The camera flashed and took five consecutive pictures in a row. With Jesse kissing me on the cheek, with my mouth open with laughter, with Jesse's head on my shoulder...I'm surprised they turned out as well as they did, considering how much we were moving around in the tiny booth. But, all too soon, the flashes stopped...and the string of pictures dropped down in the little slot for us to take home with us.
Jesse and I were coming down from our sudden giggling fit...our breathing was beginning to slow down...our eyes connected. And for a few seconds more, we were silent. Breathing hard, but silent. That's when Jesse moaned, "Bluish green..."
"Your eyes. Right now they're...they're bluish..." He didn't finish. He put his hand behind my head, quickly moved forward, and passionately pressed his lips against mine.
I swear...it felt as though someone had run up and snatched the entire WORLD from under my feet. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, but I was quick to pick up the pace, and kiss him back. It was then that I realized my hand, still resting in his lap. The, now visible, lump jumped as I gave it a light squeeze, and Jesse whimpered into our kiss as if the air had been pushed right out of him.
The sounds of our soft purring and smacking lips echoed off of the walls of the small booth, with only the thin veil of that curtain separating us from the rest of the world. But we didn't care. As Jesse's tongue slid erotically over my own, we became lost in one another's embrace. Hands and lips and soft warm breaths gliding across each other's cheeks. We scooted even closer to one another, if that was even possible...and I heard a whimper escape me as Jesse ran his fingertips through my hair.
Falling. That's what it feels like. It feels like falling.
My whole body was on fire and ready to explode. We became so hungry for the sensation that just being pressed against each other from the side wasn't enough. Oh God, Jesse...take me away. Make my every fantasy come true. Mmmm...I'm tingling all over...
Suddenly, a LOUD knock scared the living shit out of both of us! It was mall security, and I think he was using his flashlight or something to knock on the metallic side of the photo booth. My heart nearly STOPPED from the interruption. "Let's GO, people! Mall's closing! Out out out..."
Jesse was quick to grab the pictures and he swiftly fixed his hair with a snicker over how badly that overzealous asshole had scared us! Then he leaned in to give me one more kiss on the lips before lightly pushing me to get out of the booth.
I'm sure the security guard had to have some idea as to what was going on in there when he came knocking. But I don't think he expected two boys to step out of it. Hehehe, I'm sure he's got a story to tell his buddies at the bar after work.
Hehehe, screw him! I was too giddy to care at this point!
Jesse and I continued to giggle the whole way to the front door. We were practically running, side by side...and Jesse never once let go of my hand. Not once.
We got out of the mall, and to my disappointment, I saw the bus already coming around to pick us up and take us home. "Damn. That's the last bus for the night. Isn't it?" I sighed.
"Umm...wait a minute..." Jesse was quick to let go of me and rush over to check the times under the little bus stop shelter, and he gave me a wicked grin. "There's ONE more after this. The 9:27 bus." He wriggled his eyebrows at me, and I don't think I caught the message right away. The bus was coming, but instead of getting ready to hop on it, Jesse took a hold of my hand again. "I think we've got about ten minutes."
"Ten minutes for what?" I asked.
"HUSH, you! Come on! Hehehe!" The next thing I know, Jesse is dragging me off to the side of the mall, and then down a rather dark driveway leading back to the truck delivery area. There were loading docks and compactors and giant dumpsters for the stores to clean up day by day. I didn't know what the heck was happening, but I was so willing to follow my new boyfriend wherever he took me...it simply didn't matter.
"Hehehe, Jesse! What are we doing?" I asked.
That's when he stopped behind one of the big trash dumpsters peeked around to make sure that we wouldn't be on camera. Then he pulled me closer...nose to nose...smiling at me, and talking so close that our lips touched. "I want more. I'm not ready to go home yet. Are you?"
"Unh unh..." I smiled. And instantly, we were kissing again. Making out as though the world was coming to an end three minutes from that moment. I was breathing soooo hard. My GOD, did he know how to kiss. It was erotic, feverish, almost demanding...but with such a gentle touch of doubt. As if he was wondering if he was doing it right. Wondering if I was enjoying it as much as he was. I don't know how he kept up that bold and bashful balance at all times, but...ugh....it was the sexiest thing about him! Naughty, but innocently so. Volumes of love poetry could be written about his kiss at all.
And let's be honest...kissing is the best part. Isn't it?
We stood there, our lips smashed together in a heated embrace, soft moans escaping us both as we released a great deal of the craving that we had been trying to hide from one another all evening long. Then Jesse took an awkward step or two forward, and pressed my back up against the dumpster as our make out session kicked into a higher gear. The trash was full of mostly paper, but it was still trash. I couldn't help but to giggle, and Jesse stopped kissing me right away.
"What is it? What did I do?" He asked breathlessly.
"I...hehehe...it's nothing. Just...the dumpster..." I snickered to myself, but I was the only one in on the joke. Thoughts of Jason Fixx and the front seat of his car...ewww. This was a lot better...but still...dumpsters, man. I saw Jesse searching my eyes, and I said, "It's just that...I'm thinking that I'm going to end up developing the weirdest dumpster fetish when I get older! Hehehe, that's all."
"Hehehe, that the...?"
"Nevermind." I grinned, kissing Jesse again. "Forget it. It's not important. Come here...mmmm..."
The slow motion of his tongue was seriously pushing me to the edge of a full blown eruption, right there behind the mall. And when Jesse's hands wandered down to grab my ass from behind and pull me into him...we both whimpered helplessly in unison. My hardness and his, rubbing together. Grinding. Rolling. Pushing. Humping. I was in a whole other world. I doubt that even the most extreme wet dream could match the reality of what was happening right here, right now! This is 'Jesse-101' here!!! From a YouTube sweetheart that everybody loves...to being right here in my arms, making out with me, and displaying a need for me that let me know that his love for me was real. REAL!
I don't know how we kept from floating away!
Can I grab his butt? Am I allowed to do that? Omigod, what if I AM??? Let me try something...
I was a little nervous about it at first, but sucking on Jesse's warm tongue was soooo intoxicating. It was hard to stop my hands from sliding down behind him...but I got more nervous and stopped at the small of his back. I don't know what stopped me there. We were already kissing and grinding on one another so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if we accidentally switched clothes in the process! But it took another moment of insecurity before I timidly allowed my right hand slide down further, and rest lightly on his round cheek.
Jesse let out an audible sigh, and our liplock got even more sensual. I gave it a little experimental squeeze. It was so...so 'spongy'. Like a really fim pillow at my grandmother's house. I could feel the muscle flex and release, making my hand want to explore it even more. I never get to see Jesse's ass in his videos, but he should show it off more. It's fucking amazing!
My other hand was much more aggressive about moving down and gripping the soft mounds with all the finger strength I could muster. Ohhhh God, I'm close. So close now. What am I going to do if I make a mess all over myself? Do I know? Do I care? I'll do laundry later! uck it! I can't stop! Not now! I can't stop!
"Hey, you kids! STOP!" Came an older voice as one of the mall custodians came out of the back door with a cart full of trashbags. "What are you doing back here? Get outta here! Hey!"
Jesse and I immediately jumped back from each other, and just took off running back towards the front of the mall. Which was extremely hard to do, considering that we were both at full 'salute', and both laughing so hard that it was hard to breathe at all! Hahaha!
We got back around the corner, but the second we found a patch of grass...we both collapsed onto our backs and held our bellies until laughted slowed down. I swear, I don't think I've ever had so much fun! I mean, the kissing and all was mind-blowing...but beyond that, Jesse Kyler was everything that I ever dreamed a boyfriend would be. Loving, caring, funny, cute, intelligent and witty, super interesting to talk to...he hit a perfect 10 in every category. And he actually liked me BACK! Hehehe, which could have been the one slight issue that ruined the whole effect.
I never believed in fairy tales coming true until Jesse Kyler became a part of my life. Now I know that they most certainly do.
"Hahaha...oh wow! I did NOT expect that guy to come out there after the mall closed, I swear!" Jesse cackled.
"Noooo, don't make me laugh anymore! My stomach hurts! Hehehe!"
"Where do all of these people COME from when you're trying to find a place to be alone?" He said. Then he waited for our breathing to regulate itself a bit more efficiently, and he propped himself up on one elbow to look at me. "You're beautiful. You know that?"
"Hehehe, don't start that again. Next time, I'm sure the FBI will show up to keep us apart!" I said.
"No, I'm serious. You're...you're one of the most beautiful people that I've ever met." His voice had softened so much that the infatuated tone made me swoon from the effect. "I wanna see you again. Soon. I don't think I stand being apart from youformore than a few hours at a time."
"I'd think you'd be annoyed with me by now." I blushed.
"Life is a lot less important without you in it." He said. "I know this may sound crazy, but...I've never felt this way about another boy before. Never. I just...I don't want it to stop."
With a sigh, I said, "I don't want it to stop either. You may actually take the words 'too good to be true' out of my vocabulary."
"Good..." He said, just above a whisper. "I'm glad." He leaned down to kiss me again. I think it was supposed to just be a quick, affectionate, peck on the lips...but once we got a taste, we needed another peck. Then another. Then a lingering smooch. And a few seconds later, we were all tongues and tangled limbs again. Right there in the grass. Hehehe, something about him just made me so shameless about this kind of thing. Normally, I'd frown up and turn away from people kissing in public. But now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm starting to worry tha I'm going to be much worse at controlling myself than they were.
It wasn't until we saw the headlights of the last bus for the evening turning into the mall entrance that we realized that we had to either get up or find some other way home. It's not exactly a 'walking distance' for either one of us. Even more so for me than Jesse.
We hurried back to the bus stop, and again, we had to straighten our hair and clothes a bit to look presentable. Hehehe, making out with another boy certainly does give the average teen a chaotic and disheveled look, doesn't it?
I half expected the other passengers on the bus, as well as the driver himself, to act as some kind of a paranoid reason for me to put my 'hetero' mask back on and try to act normal. It didn't work.
As soon as we swiped our bus cards, Jesse took my hand again and led me all the way to the very back of the bus and into the far right corner. Our hands clasped together, we made eye contact and snickered at one another. It just felt comfortable. Close. Welcoming. And by the time the bus had pulled back out on the main street...Jesse and I were making out again. I just...I couldn't help myself. After waiting so long for just a taste of his sweet lips, I had become addicted to them. Even when we tried to show some level of restraint, we couldn't look at each other without reigniting that fire between us. Jesse's lips were so inviting. Even more so now that they were slightly blushed a darker shade of pink from our maniacal use of them.
I think a few people looked back at us on the bus, and we made a valiant attempt to behave ourselves. Hehehe, not that it lasted long. Because Jesse never let go of my hand. The bus would travel a few blocks, then Jesse would raise my hand to his lips to kiss it and smile. Then our eyes would meet...another boyish giggle or two...and the magnetic pull would bring us right back together to kiss again. We couldn't stop. Is this real? This CAN'T be real!
After putting on quite a racy show for the other passengers, I actually found the strength to pull back a little and wipe my lips on the back of my hand with a grin. Jesse looked around, and he said...out loud in front of everybody..."Sorry, folks! Sorry! Hehehe, I'm just...we're...yeah...sorry."
I gave him a little shove. "Don't. What are you doing? Hehehe!"
"We're being freaky back here." He chuckled. "They think we're weird."
"I think you're weird. Heheh!" I said.
"...yeah...?" He said in a softer tone. And a second later, our lips were being pressed together again. I can't see there ever being a day when I get tired of this!
But as we were coming closer to the stop where Jesse would have to get off of the bus and leave me to travel the rest of the way all alone, he stopped to talk to me, occasionally giving me little kisses between sentences. "Tristan? Why don't you come over this weekend? Come over to my house. Spend the afternoon with me."
My heart began to thump loudly in my chest, and I think I got a little lightheaded for a moment there. "Oh? You...so you mean...?"
"OH! Hehehe! no. Don't worry. It's nothing as sinister as that. Promise. My mom is gonna be home all day. Me and Artie were going to get together and talk about setting things up for our next video and stuff. I just...I want you to be there. I want to be close enough to hold you. Hehehe, I know I sound like a total salker right now, but...I'd feel better knowing that I didn't have to wait until next week to see you again."
"I don't think I could make it that long either." I said.
"So you'll come by? Saturday, like around two o'clock?"
"I don't know. Can you promise that Artie won't try to tie me up and keep me all to himself?"
Jesse laughed. "Actually, no. I can't make you that promise at all."
but after another brief kiss on the lips, I told him, "I'll be there..."
"Cool." Jesse's stop was coming up fast, and he gave me this really cute look, teasing his blond locks with his hand before asking me, "Listen...if I were to ummm...if I were to come right out and ask you to be my boyfriend...like, a real boyfriend...would you say yes?"
The fluttering in my stomach nearly made my narrow little butt wiggle right out of my bus seat. "YES! YES! A million times, yes!"
Jesse turned red for a moment, but then said, "Ok. Just asking. G'night..." And got up to pull the signal for the bus to stop.
"NO!!! What the...? HEY!" I yanked him back down to his seat. "Don't you DARE! Hehehe!"
He looked me in the eye, and then he said, "Tristan? Will you be my boyfriend?"
"Yeah. I suppose. What else have I got to do." I said. And after a shared smile, Jesse leaned in to kiss my lips deeply, and then got up to leave.
He didn't say another word. He just looked over his shoulder and smiled at me. And when I scooted over to the window, I saw him waving at me, watching the bus drive away until it was out of sight.
A boyfriend. I'm a boyfriend. We dated, we talked, we kissed...we're official now.
I've never been 'official' before.
I'm a boyfriend. Sweet.
Lori and Michelle are going to lose their minds when they hear about this...