I hardly said a word in the car. I kept trying to smooth out my shirt or play with my hair...and it began to bug me so much that I had to tangle my fingers up together and just try to hold them in my lap. Not that it was much of a solution to every other chaotic chemical reaction going on inside of me at that moment. I rolled down my window a bit to get some air, but there didn't seem to be enough oxygen in the world to calm me down. The butterflies in my stomach were so turbulent and flustered that I was afraid I'd actually belch a couple of them up if I so much as opened my mouth to talk to Lori. I felt sick. Weak inside. And yet still excited. What if he's there? What if he's NOT? What if he's there and he LIKES me??? What if he's there and he HATES me??? What if he's NOT there...but he hates me anyway??? What if he's there, and Lori totally embarrasses me in front of him? Oh God, what if I embarrass myself??? What do I SAY to him? 'Uhhhh...hi...I saw you on YouTube?' I can't say that! That would sound lame, right? I mean, how many times must he hear that whenever he goes out? He's totally going to think I'm stalking him. I'm gonna come off as the creepiest boy on the planet. And that's only IF I get up the nerve to actually TALK to him! Otherwise, I'm probably gonna just gonna see him from, like, a half MILE away, and get so scared that I'm gonna run into the nearest bathroom and hide until he leaves. I'm totally gonna BLOW it! I KNOW I'm gonna blow it! I suck! I SUCK!!! EVERYTHING ABOUT ME *SUCKS*!!!
Suddenly, I felt a poke in the side, and looked over at Lori who was obviously amused by the silent tantrum I was throwing inside. "Hehehe, Jesus, Tristan...will you STOP already? You're SQUIRMING!"
"No...no, I'm not..." I said in a weak voice.
"Yes you are! You're like...'visibly' shaking right now. Just chill out. We're just going shopping right?" She giggled.
"Don't play games with me right now, ok? Really, I can't take it." I whined. "I just...what if he's there, Lori? What if he's really, like...there."
"That's a GOOD thing! A GREAT thing!"
"No, Lori!!! It's NOT! You don't....arghhh...you don't understand..."
"Hehehe, don't flatter yourself, sissy boy. I've HAD to deal with the fear of talking to really cute boys before. So don't think this is one of those things I can't grasp because I'm a 'breeder'."
"This is different."
"No it's not. Not this time. Tristan, you KNOW he's gay! You KNOW he's single! You KNOW you like him! The only thing missing is the actual 'approach', which, unfortunately...can be a bit scary."
I sighed to myself. "If THAT isn't the understatement of the year."
Michelle looked in the rearview mirror at us, and she said, "Just be yourself, Tristan. You can't go wrong being yourself."
"Gee, thanks MOM. What kinda 'After School Special'...'Degrassi Jr High' advice is that to give somebody?" I pouted, getting even MORE nervous as we approached the mall parking lot. I nearly lost my BREATH when I saw the 'Hillside Mall' sign on the other side of the intersection...and the trembling got infinitely worse.
"She's right, Tristan." Lori said, and she quickly leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek. "You're awesome! You're beautiful! You're sweeter than candy! 'Jesse-101' doesn't stand a chance against you, babe!" She poked me some more to get me to smile, but I just...couldn't. I wanted the mall to be closed today. I wanted a fire to break out on the top floor. I wanted every last parking space in the whole lot to be taken so we couldn't stop, and Michelle had to drive around until she got so fed up that she took us back home again. Hell...even a HOSTAGE situation would be preferable to stepping a single foot outside of this car and into that building.
But I wasn't in for any random dumb luck today. In fact, Michelle got a parking spot right in front of the damn front door, and they had some major sales and all going on this morning. So the whole place was full, and the second Michelle shut off the car, I feel as though my heart shut off with the engine. Oh GOD....why did I agree to this! He's gonna BE there! I KNOW he is! ARRRGGHHH!!!
I nervously got out of the car, feeling my heart slamming itself against my ribs so hard that it was hard to even SEE straight. But despite me dragging my feet a little bit, hoping to find some kind of excuse that would keep me from taking this leap of faith...Lori just grabbed a hold of my shirt and literally yanked me forward to speed up my 'death row' pace.
The mall was buzzing with what looked like a million people, and I was silently hoping that would both shield me from Jesse, and shield Jesse from me. Those damn butterflies had moved up from my stomach and started pounding at the back of my throat now. It made me realize just how much emotion I had invested into this...online 'image' that I just happened to find by accident. I kept thinking about Jesse's amazing smile, and thought about how it might look in person. God, I can't even watch his VIDEOS without wiggling my butt right out of my chair. Real life must be sooooo much cooler!
The conflict was practically ripping me in half. Part of me anxiously sniffing out any sign of my dream boy in this mall, pulling me forward like a giant hungry Rotweiler. And part of me being so terrified of actually finding him in here that I was pulling back on the leash with all my might, digging my heels into the shiny tile beneath my feet and trying to just...WAIT until I had an actual PLAN as to how go about talking to him for the first time! It was the most exciting 'pain' I think I had ever felt.
We kept walking, with Michelle and Lori looking around for whatever interested them. I think it took me about five minutes to realize that the mall was buzzing too much for me to even worry about crossing paths with this angel of mine any time soon. But just as I was beginning to relax, Lori shouted out, "OMIGOD! THERE HE IS!!!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?" I gasped! And then turned around to see....old man Kirkland, the security guard. My heart nearly cracked in HALF when I found out that Lori was just playing a fucking PRANK on me, and I slugged her hard in the shoulder!
"AHHH!!! TRISTAN! I'm a GIRL!"
"A total BITCH is what you are! How could you DO that to me?" I said, almost feeling tears come to my eyes from the overwhelming adrenaline rush alone.
"Jesus, dude...you REALLY need to chill out. I mean it. Just...sighhh...ENJOY yourself, ok?" She said. "I mean, what's the big problem? The WORST thing that could possibly happen to you today is you get to meet the biggest YouTube crush of your dreams and say hello in person. So just..relax. Ok?" I tried, whimpering a bit under my breath, and I started to play with my hair a bit until she brought my hand down. "You look FINE! Now stop FIDGETING already and just go shop for something!" She said, pushing me forward.
"Go....go what??? You're abandoning me, now?" I said.
"Not unless you wanna help my sister and me buy underwear." She said. "Is that, like, sissy talent number 19?"
"You said you'd buy me a cinnabon thingie, and I'm holding you to your part of the bargain."
"Ugh! Fine! Here!" She said, handing me a crumpled up wad of singles. "Just meet us back here in like twenty minutes...and then we'll....hehehe, 'look around'."
"You said you were just here for SHOPPING!"
"Yes. But I didn't say what I was shopping FOR, now did I?" And with a giggle, Lori and her sister left me standing all alone by the bottom of the escalator. Sighhh...ok, Tristan...you can do this.
I don't think that mall had ever looked so BIG before. The walls felt as though they were a million miles wide, and yet were rapidly closing in to swallow me hole at the same time. I looked at every cute teenage boy that walked past me. Every blond mop of hair both excited and frightened me to the point of almost fainting. But none of them were Jesse. Not a one. I went up the escalator to the second floor, and nervously looked around me. Please don't let me see him, please don't let me see him, please please PLEASE don't let me see him!!!
Ugh! What am I doing? Right...he's not here. Can't be here. And once Lori and Michelle are done shopping, I can honestly say that I was actually 'here' and won't ever have to come back to this mall ever again. So I'll stay out of sight for a while, meet up with the dynamic duo, and then leave. Easy....right? Yeah....easy.
Ten minutes of nerves and jitters had nearly shaken me to pieces...but the longer I stayed in the mall, the more it was just like any other day. I think it was this really subliminal sense of disappointment that was able to finally bring me down from the 'cocaine high' of possibly reaching out to touch the forbidden fruit for the first time. And I was thankful for it, honestly. Because it was seriously KILLING me inside to have to think about it all the time. The pressure was so intense that I barely had the strength to move. Just as well, though. I was SO unprepared to meet 'Jesse-101' today. I'd collapse from infatuation right in front of him, and I'd much rather have a strategy in place for just such a thing.
Walking over to the second level food court, I decided to get my cinnabon and at least enjoy a bit of a sugar high before meeting up with Lori and her sister again. I saw that there was a bit of a wait, and went to get in line. These pastry thingies are so delicious that it's hard to even imagine living without them once you catch a whiff of them in the mall. Especially the baked apple and dough, sugary sweet, yummy and warm....UGH!!!! Best treat EVER!!!! It's the reason that the conventional shopping mall was INVENTED! I'm sure of it!
I leaned with my back against the counter, moving along, step by step with the line, as my eyes carefully scanned the growing number of blond teenagers in the food court. I guess we all got hungry at the same time from the looks of it. It made me wonder...if Jesse was here, what food place would he go to? Would it be the heap taco place? Or the fried chicken joint? Or would he go for the typical burger and fries? Ooh...I'l just BET that he's a Philly cheesesteak type of guy! In fact...I should totally go over there myself instead of waiting for this...
"Next customer please. Hi, can I help you?" Said the lady behind the counter to the boy in front of me. I didn't pay much attention. It was only a temporary distraction from my careful watch of the crowd.
There were some real cuties in here today. Maybe I should just...you know..go for one of them instead. I mean out of all the hot blond boys in here, there's GOTTA be at least one that plays for my 'home team', right? All I've gotta do is look for the one surrounded by a bunch of girls shopping for underwear. Like....sigh....like me. Ugh! Pathetic, much?
The boy in front of me ordered a cinnabon, and I noticed that there was only two left. Thank God. If I couldn't get my sweet snack, this day would be a total bust. He was a bit younger than me, with short, dark, spikey hair. Slim in build, with a really light voice. In fact, it was his voice that made me pay him any attention at all. It was really sweet, but boyish in a way that made him sound almost like a 7 year old, instead of the 13 - 14 year old that he was. Kinda high for his age, but I guess he was just a late bloomer.
"Thank you." He said politely, and I tried to look around him to get a glimpse of his face. He looked...I dunno, he seemed kinda cute to me.
"I'm sorry, but we're out of bags today." The lady said.
"It's ok. I can carry it like this." Wow...his voice was adorable. He almost sounded like a little lollipop girl.
"Do you want any extra frosting?" The lady asked him.
"Um...I dunno, is that good? It's for a friend of mine."
"It's no extra."
"Yeah? Cool. Ok, gimme some, just in case." The boy said, and I leaned forward a bit more to see if I could catch a reflection of him in a nearby mirrored surface next to the register. And just as I was about to get a really good look at him...he backed up and turned around at the same time, nearly smashing half of the sticky cinnabon on my shirt. His bright blue eyes opened SUPER wide, and his soft, dark red, lips parted as he gave me the most innocently apologetic look ever created. "Omigod...dude, I'm so SORRY!" He said.
I had a bit of frosting on my shirt, but it was hardly anything to get upset about. "It's ok. It was an accident." I said, but the boy was totally humiliated.
"Awww, I got sticky stuff on your shirt. I am so so SO sorry. Here, I'll get it." He grabbed some napkins and started to wipe the frosting off of my chest...and it was at that moment that I really did pay attention to his face...and I suddenly felt as though my whole WORLD had been flipped upside down.
It was....I mean...I was looking DIRECTLY at Jesse's best friend, Artie, from the videos online! The....the GAY friend! The Justin Bieber lover! The silent kid who always gets to wrestle and laugh and spend time with the most incredible boy on Earth. I sucked in a huge breath, and held it...my body beginning to shake violently as I came face to face with a piece of a dream that I was willing to keep in my imagination forever as long as it meant not embarrassing myself.
Oh wow....omiGAWD, Artie was cute! I guess he was always sort of in the background in Jesse's videos, but here...looking at him, his fluorescent sky blue eyes practically blinding me with their brilliance..I realized that I never had a CLUE as to how sexy he really was! Omigod, I hope they're just friends! Like...JUST friends! Nothing more! Although...the both of them together would be...you know...HOT!
"Did I get it all?" He said, his girlish voice tingling in my ears as he spoke. I don't know...maybe it was something that he was self conscious about, and hearing it was a bit of a surprise at first...but I really LIKED his voice. It was...adorable.
"Ummm...." I gasped, quaking inside. "...It's...it's fine. I just..."
"Next in line. Yes, can I help you?" The lady asked, letting me know that I was holding up the line. I didn't want Artie to leave...but I didn't know how to keep him there.
"K. Sorry man." Artie said, and started to leave.
In a panic I said, "WAIT!"
He turned around, and he looked at me as I tried to follow that up with something...'effective'. But I had no such luck. The second that things got odd and uncomfortable, I said, "Never mind. You know...just...yeah. Never mind. Sorry." Artie gave me a weird look, and then nodded before walking away from me and merging back into the mall crowd.
A frightening realization hit me out of nowhere, and it nearly knocked me to my knees when I allowed it to fully enter my mind.
If ARTIE is here....and he's getting something for his FRIEND....
..Then 'Jesse-101' might actually be IN this mall with me somewhere!!!!
And that completely caused such a VIOLENT eruption of jitters inside of me that it snatched my appetite from me in an instant and took my breath along with it. My hands were shaking so bad that I dropped some of the change as I handed it to the lady at the register. I stood to the side...and watched Artie as he navigated his way through the crowd, and then went to stand over by one of the public bathrooms. Like he was waiting for somebody to come out. And I literally began to pant out loud to the point where I got dizzy and had to brace myself up against the counter.
What if he's in there? What if 'Jesse-101' is JUST on the other side of that wall? With his *PENIS* exposed, no less??? Ahhhhhhhh!!! Get me OUTTA here!!!
"Here you go, sir." The lady said, giving me my cinnabon. And the way I took off the second it touched my palm, you would have thought that I had just been handed a freakin' BATON during a track meet! I rushed away from the counter and tried to make a quick dash for the escalator, when I saw Lori and Michelle coming up to the second level to meet me.
"There you are. I thought you were gonna meet us downstairs." Lori said.
"You know what, that's a GREAT idea! Let's go!" I said, and took a hold of her arm in an attempt to drag her downstairs again. I don't wanna see him! I CAN'T see him! I'm not ready! I'm *SO* not ready!!!
Michelle looked at me like I was crazy, and Lori sorta pulled away from me. "What's with YOU?" She asked. "Are you feeling alright?" She put the back of her hand to feel my forehead as though she was checking for a fever, and I pushed it away.
"I feel fine. Great. Awesome. Can we go now? I wanna get something downstairs..."
"Well...just wait a sec and we'll come with you." Lori said, and then her and Michelle started walking towards the food court.
I gasped and grabbed a hold of her arm again. "Wait wait WAIT!!! Where are you going?"
"We're going to the food court."
"Gee, I don't know, Tristan. Maybe we saw a big mess by the garbage cans and figured we'd ask for a mop so we can get an exciting experience in the janitorial arts." She said with a confused look. "We're HUNGRY! Helloooo?"
"You're hungry? Here! Eat this cinnabon! I don't even want it."
"What's Michelle gonna eat?"
"You two can SPLIT it!"
Michelle said, "Uhh...I don't like cinnabons."
"What? SURE you do! Don't be ridiculous!"
"No, Tristan, she really doesn't. I think she'd be the one to know if she did." Lori told me.
I started to panic as I saw Artie in the far corner straighten up as his 'friend' was obviously getting ready to join him again. I said, "You're gonna let something as silly as 'not liking something' keep you from putting it in your mouth? That's just not...that's just so...close minded, Michelle. I mean, geez!"
At this point, Lori squinted her eyes, and took a quick look around the room. "Tristan...what are you spazzing out about?"
"NOTHING!" I snapped back. "I just wanna go downstairs now. You guys got to go downstairs, now I can't go, that's so unfair." I was talking a mile a minute, and that only made her even more suspicious.
"Unh unh...I think I'm gonna have a little look around first." She said.
"Oh...oh yeah? Well...maybe I'll just go down this escalator without you then." I was hoping to get her to reconsider.
Instead, she flicked her hand and said, "Go for it. We'll catch up to you later."
No no no NO!!! She'll see Artie! She'll RECOGNIZE! Ugh! What do I have to do? Stab myself in the throat with a PEN???
At that moment, I saw Artie stand up straight, and another boy came out of the bathroom to join him. Some...curly red haired boy with dimples. He was about ten years old from the looks of him. Artie handed him the bag, and the boy smiled as they took a friendly stroll out of the food court to go elsewhere. It wasn't....it wasn't Jesse. It was somebody TOTALLY different! Thank God! Oh wow...oh thank GOD!!!
As soon as Artie was out of sight, I caught up to Lori and her sister and attempted to act normal again. Emphasis on 'attempted'. Lori was quick to say, "You know, you have been a real BASKET CASE today, you know that..?"
But I was so relieved that all I could do was hug her around the shoulder and kiss her on the cheek. "No I'm not. I'm perfect. Perfect, I tell you." And with that said, Lori and Michelle spent the rest of the afternoon looking at me like I was about to sprout a second head out of my collar at any moment. Still...I had truly dodged a bullet today, and it was the only thing that kept my heart from exploding on the spot.
Sighhhh...that whole 'meeting Jesse' thing is better left as a fantasy for now. At least until I get up the nerve to actually...um...not run top speed in the other direction at the first sight of him. That might take a while longer.
Lori kept asking me questions the whole ride home, wondering what had me so spooked. But they were easy to avoid with the simple act of telling her that I was tired. So I leaned my head back and just closed my eyes for a moment. It kept her silent and gave me time to think. Wow...Artie's voice really was kinda high, but...hehehe, like I said, it was really cute too. I wonder what Jesse's voice sounds like in real life. I wonder what he smells like. I'll bet his hair is soft. It looks so soft in the videos. Ugh...I just spent the whole day dreading being in the same BUILDING with him...and now I can't get him out of my head. I guess there's safety in distance.
Michelle dropped me off at my house, and I had never been so glad to be in familiar surroundings again. Lori's last words to me were, "Better luck next time!"
"There's not gonna BE a next time! Right, Lori?" She grinned at me. "RIGHT, LORI???" And with a honk of the horn, they took off, leaving me standing there by myself. Arrrgh!
At that moment, I heard a door opening across the street, and knew that it was Scotty, probably getting ready to make it look like he just 'happened' to be coming outside at that particular moment. When I knew damn well he heard the car pull up and probably ran to the door to come see me. I swiftly turned around before he even caught sight of me and rushed into the house. Sighhh....that was close.
My whole night was spent with Jesse in my thoughts. I watched the same old videos again and again, smiling as he talked about cute boys and just..having fun, you know? There were some rather nasty comments down below on his site. Some of them were just plain STUPID! I actually got offended by a few of them. Naturally, there were many more people that stuck up for Jesse, but the inevitable 'haters' came out of the woodwork.
Saying things like:
"Instead of lusting after boys, you should be concentrating on just being a kid."
"No one wants to hear you talk about 'boning' celebrities. C'mon, you should know better."
"I'm gay myself, and we're not all like this. Why demean yourself and the rest of us by proving that we're all tongue wagging perverts without any self control?"
I mean...c'mon! What the hell was wrong with people? Why can't they just leave him alone? What did Jesse say that was so wrong? He likes boys. I like boys. Almost everybody watching his videos like boys too! Who cares what they have to say? Fuck each and every last one of them! I hope he doesn't even pay them any attention at all. So many people want to pretend that sex doesn't exist, and it gets a MILLION times more oppressive when it comes to anybody under the age of 18. But they should deal with their own problems. Why take it out on Jesse?
Sighhh...yeah, it bugged me. It bugged me so much that I couldn't even sleep. And probably in my dreams too, because when I woke up, Sunday morning...Jesse was the first thing on my mind.
I was laying there in bed, practically Jesse's voice in my head...seeing his smile...and the way his shoulders jiggle just a little bit when he giggles. And the way...the way his hair kind sweeps back and forth when he talks. It's...you know...cute.
I noticed the nearly unbearable strain of a morning hardon under my blankets, and rolled over on my stomach for a moment to hump against the mattress. It provided a bit of relief from the ache of it...but as thoughts of Jesse began to get more...'intimate'...humping the mattress wasn't enough. Sighhh...I hugged my pillow tight, and thought about what it would be like to kiss those lips. And to like....like slide my tongue against his. All...wet and stuff.
A few more humps, and I rolled onto my back again, clasping my thighs around the frustrating pulse of my erection. I thought about the smooth side of Jesse's neck, and how awesome it would be to snuggle up beside him and press my nose and lips against it. And what it would feel like to have my fingertips glide down his flat chest....from the tips of his sweet nipples...down to the softness of his belly. Letting my finger play in his navel for a moment before sliding down...lower.
Almost breathless with the need, I lifted one side of my boxers, and slipped my hardness out of the left leg. That first touch...that firm grip of the stick...it always gave me such a shiver. God...I needed this.
Jesse's image in my mind began to lose articles of clothing with every slow stroke of my hand...his kisses became more passionate...his touches more courageous. Being tangled up with his naked body was a dream so incredibly untouchable that it took a few moments for the vision to even fully solidify itself in my mind. But once it was there...ohhhhh WOW...once it was there....
I began to speed up on my strokes. Losing all conscious awareness of everything outside of reaching that climax. Mental pictures of me rolling around naked with this...amazing YouTube boy. Kissing him. Licking the smooth surface of his flesh. And moving down, down, down...to suck him eagerly between my warm, moist, lips...until my whole mouth was blessed with the erotic flavor of my favorite blond angel.
**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**
Three knocks, and my bedroom door opened as I SWIFTLY rolled over to the side facing away from the doorway, taking the blanket with me! My mother peeked in and said, "Tristan? I made breakfast."
"OK! Great! Thanks!" I said, covering my head up and still feeling the spasms and tingles of a totally RUINED orgasm.
"Come on downstairs before it gets cold."
"OKAY!!!" I said even louder, a bit annoyed at the sudden invasion of privacy! I'm a 15 year old BOY for God's sake! There is NO reason to EVER open a 15 year old boy's bedroom door without permission! I don't care if Jesus Christ HIMSELF wanted me to sit down with him for the Last Supper....DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR UNTIL I GIVE YOU THE 'ALL CLEAR'!!! Geez! Parents!
My mom was a bit confused but she finally closed the door, and I tried to hurry up and 'finish' before getting out of bed. It wasn't the same though. It was all quick and done with a paranoid ear out for more brutal knocking at my door. Sighhh...nothing spoils a good jerk like your MOM almost catching you in the middle of it.
I gobbled down my breakfast, and looked forward to a lazy day of doing nothing but some left over homework for Monday. And when I got online, I was excited to see that Jesse had posted a new video already! That was like..two back to back! Awesome!!! Awww...if only he knew how MUCH I looked forward to seeing his face every day!
I hurried over to his account, and clicked on the newest video.
I swear...if just ONE of those stupid comments hurt his feelings, I'll hunt every last one of those assholes down myself! Door to door, until I've murdered them all.
He said, with his hands making the 'quotations' gesture. Artie sat right there beside him, and I was literally getting ready to start taking names I'll behead every last one of them and stack the bodies up at Jesse's front door as an offering if he asked me to.
He moved really close to the screen...whispering...
There was some kind of synched up screaming sound on the video and it made me laugh to see the mock look of horror on his face.
Awesome!!! They didn't cut him down with their bullshit comments! Omigod..he is just TOO cool!
Oh wow...I could not believe that he was saying this. Something about it just...made me feel so GOOD inside. It was like...he understood. He really understood. And he wasn't ashamed about it either. Wow. Maybe I'm not as alone as I thought I was.
Omigod...I was literally blushing in front of my monitor. But I had the biggest smile I've EVER had on my face at the same time. I don't think I had ever heard a boy talk about other boys like this before. Like..EVER! But it's not like it wasn't what I was thinking too. I think about it ALL THE TIME!!! I dream about boys at my school, and on TV, and at the mall. Hell, I drool over Jesse all week long! But...he's right. I guess I had convinced myself that it was something 'taboo' for me to ever talk about. That it would be embarrassing, or twisted, or just plain 'gross' to whoever had to listen to it. But it wasn't. There was nothing weird about it at all. And just hearing Jesse say that out loud when I couldn't..wow...it 'relieved' something inside of me. An unspoken cry to be understood by someone who could relate to the feeling first hand. God, Jesse...you go boy!
"But for the REST of you guys who have been sooooo supportive of me, and are a little more 'realistic' when it comes to the idea of sex...I'm sending you guys a kiss and a cookie for every day of the week! And Artie is too!"
"But for the REST of you guys who have been sooooo supportive of me, and are a little more 'realistic' when it comes to the idea of sex...I'm sending you guys a kiss and a cookie for every day of the week! And Artie is too!"
Artie craned his neck up a bit and smiled as he nodded hard enough to almost make himself dizzy.
I gasped, and covered my mouth as I started laughing out loud. And Jesse suddenly jumped to the front of the screen with his hands folded in prayer, saying...
And the video jumped to a clip of a detailed crucifix in front of a stained glass window, with dark, brooding, organ music playing behind it. Making me laugh out loud again.
He pointed at the screen with the most adorable smile, his blond hair falling into one of his beautiful blue eyes.
Which took us right back to the crucifix scene and music. HAHAHAHA! I swear, something about Jesse always energized me and made me feel good. Every time. It made me ache for him all over again...and I was almost angry at myself for being too scared to want to meet him at the mall yesterday. I mean...extreme and blinding TERROR aside...he was still the most fascinating part of my life these days. And I find myself so strongly drawn to everything I knew about him. Which, of course...wasn't MUCH. But it was enough to let me know that I eventually wanted to know EVERYTHING.
Artie nodded, and winked at the screen, unable to hold back a few silent giggles. Awww, he was so adorable in person. I can't believe I'm watching him on my computer screen right now. It really was like meeting a real life celebrity, you know? Even if only for a moment.
Jesse gave Artie a frowny face, while Artie blushed from his comment. Jesse just stared at him for a moment before giving him the finger and smiling back at the screen.
Artie instantly jumped up and playfully attacked Jesse with a flurry of slaps, and as they were giggling hysterically, Artie reached for the button to stop recording. They wrestled for a second, but he finally hit it as Jesse shouted out a quick 'goodbye', and the video came to an end.
I sat back in my chair...staring at the screen...my mouth open as a warm sensation spread to every part of me at once. Artie? Cute boys at the mall? Licking something hot and sticky off of 'some' boy's shirt?
Maybe it was an outrageous moment of unwarranted ego. Or perhaps just a severe mistake caused by an abundance of 'wishful thinking'...but was it..COULD it be...possible that he was talking about.....
And big thanks to openly gay/bi teens like Trayce Shaw, Carlkr, AbsolutelyPossibly, TheJoeFrom1993, Alexthemagix, and many more...who are MORE than just cool, funny, boys that are pretty to look at...but are honestly reaching out with an attempt to make a difference! Even if you never read this...I thank you!