I felt like I was gonna throw up.
I was being confronted with a crisis that threatened to rip me apart from the inside out like a dingy little boat in the eye of a Class 5 hurricane! I think my ribs were actually beginning to crack as my poor unsuspecting heart started slamming itself against my skeletal structure, the adrenaline rush so strong that it was nearly impossible to breathe. And yet, there was Lori and Michelle...pecking at me like a couple of agitated mother hens while I tried to keep myself from falling apart.
"Tristan!!! This is it! This is TOTALLY fucking it!" Lori said excitedly. "HE'S HERE!!! YOU'RE HERE!!! What's the deal???"
"I'm...I'm just...trying to..." I couldn't believe it. I was actually out of excuses. I'm in a position to collide with the most frightening situation of my young life...and I can't come up with a single reason not to do it! "...Omigod, Lori...I think I just 'came' a little." Oh wow...did I just say that out loud?
"Well save some for Jesse! He's waiting for a mouthful!" She said.
My body went back and forth, from panic to paralysis and back again, my lungs feeling as though they were full of helium. "Maybe...maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I mean...at least I know he comes here now, right? I mean...baby steps. Now I can go back home and come up with a strategy to like...you know...talk to him."
Michelle and Lori stared at me, and Lori was like, "Tristan...you're one hundred percent fucking crazy if you think we're gonna let you leave this mall without getting your narrow sissy ass up that escalator and hunting that boy down."
"I just...he's like....wow..."
"I KNOW, right???" Lori said. "Those YouTube videos don't do him justice! I don't know if it's his camera or what, but he is soooooo much sexier in person."
"Yeah....yeah, he is." I said softly. I looked at Lori for a second. Then at Michelle. I don't know if it was the sparkle in my eye that gave me away or what...but they knew what I was thinking before I took the first step. I lowered my head a bit, and quickly tried to step away from them. But they both SWIFTLY formed a 2 woman blockade to keep me from running away. They took a hold of my arms and turned me towards the escalator. "C'mon, you guys! Why are we RUSHING this??? I'd much rather wait and make a better impression on him later on!" I said, struggling as they continued to push me forward.
"Ungh...you're NOT waiting for anything, Tristan!" Lori said, still pushing me from behind as I dug the traction of my sneakers into the hard tile of the mall floor. "Now...Jesse and Artie probably went right for the food court to get something to munch on. So that's where YOU'RE going! You're going to walk right up those mechanical stairs, you're gonna find the most molestable teenage hottie in the whole eatery...and you're gonna freakin' introduce yourself! Because you have absolutely NOTHING to lose!" Both her and Michelle shoved me a few steps closer to the escalator, my shoes squeaking helplessly as they fought to resist their combined efforts.
Now...I really don't weigh all that much, and I've got about as much boyish muscle on me as your average first grader. But with this, I fought with every bit of strength that my skinny little sissy noodle arms could muster. I was practically leaning at a forty five degree angle, just trying to hold my position.
"What are you two doing??? STOP it!" I said.
"Ungh!!!! You're gonna *GO*...if we have to...ungh...CARRY you up there on our shoulders!!!" Lori grunted, and then I felt them give me a really HARD shove to break my stance.
Not really knowing how rough I was being, I suddenly shoved Lori back twice as hard to struggle for balance..and I ended up knocking her back on her ass right there in the middle of the mall!
"Jesus!!! TRISTAN!!!" She yelled, and I covered my mouth with both hands, gasping in shock.
"Omigod...Lori, I didn't mean to do that...honest!"
Michelle and I walked over to help her up, as a bunch of other people in the mall stared at us. All three of us blushed furiously, and then hid our faces as mall security gave us a dirty look and a warning. "This is a shopping mall, not a playground." He said, and we briskly walked to the other side of the room in an attempt to avoid any further embarrassment. We all sat down by one of the fountains, and Lori looked at me.
"Sighhh...don't say it, ok?" I told her. "I'm a chicken! I'm a total chicken! And...that sucks, but..."
"But WHAT?" She asked. Then, instead of using force, she mellowed her voice a bit, and put her comforting hand on my knee. "I can't believe that you came all this way...just so you could turn around and bail on the whole plan now." Great. Shame. VERY sneaky tactic. "You have no idea how amazing you are. I tell you every day, and you tune me out. Why? Because I'm not the person you want that kind of attention from. You want it from a really cute, really sweet, boy that you can share those feelings with. More than just a friend. Isn't that what you told me? Somebody you can relate to? Somebody you can feel close to...so you wouldn't feel all alone?"
I rolled my eyes with a heavy sigh. "I told you guys...it's not that simple. Not for me."
"That's bullshit, and you know it's bullshit." She told me.
"No! Listen to me....we're not talking about you being afraid to 'out' yourself to the whole school here. We're not talking about you hitting on some possible straight guy in the gym locker room, or you feeling awkward and outcasted in a room full of boys that you have absolutely NOTHING in common with. This is different. No guessing games. No hidden signals. No exhausting process of 'testing the waters'. This is a chance for you to operate on the same playing field as everybody else. And yes, it can be a scary place, but the opportunity for something truly special is THERE....if you just go for it. God's not gonna just drop this whole thing in your lap. Luck doesn't always work like that. Sometimes fate just shines a spotlight on what you want...and it's up to YOU to walk over and get it."
Lori moved her arm up to drape it over my shoulder. The emotions rumbling inside me almost moved me to tears. Why is she doing this? Why does it even MATTER to her? I could walk out of this mall and never see him again...what would she care? "I just...I..."
"What?" She asked. "WHAT? Tell me. What?"
I sniffled a bit. "I can't...look 'dumb', Lori. Not in front of him. He has absolutely NO reason to talk to me."
"He has absolutely no reason NOT to talk to you either. Dude...the boy of your dreams just saw you for the very first time, and he SMILED at you!"
"That doesn't mean anything..."
"NO! You wanna know what doesn't mean anything? You sitting at home all alone all the time with nobody to relate to. THAT doesn't mean anything. You running through your own backyard to dodge Scotty Lynch so you don't have to deal with his crush on you. THAT doesn't mean anything. You wanting to go back to being used and taken advantage of by Jason Fixx every time he wants to dump his hellish sperm somewhere other than a crumpled up wad of toilet paper. THAT....CERTAINLY doesn't mean anything." She rubbed my shoulder some more as she saw me starting to give in. "Tristan...that's not just some cutie you saw on the bus somewhere. He's not some pretty face in a movie, or a picture in a magazine. That's fucking 'Jesse-101' up there. Right there...where you can reach out and TOUCH him! Talk to him! Make an impression on him! This is your shot, Tristan. This doesn't happen every day. You don't throw something like this away." I looked Lori in the eye, and saw Michelle nodding in agreement. "If you don't go...you're gonna regret it. It's gonna totally hollow you out every time you even think about it. Pain like that doesn't heal. It stays wounded forever."
"Sighhhh...just ONCE...I wish you would stop making sense." I told her. "I'm gonna make a big idiot out of myself when I go up there. I just know it."
But Lori smiled, and said, "When you're old and gray...wouldn't you rather look back on this day and say that you at least gave it a shot? Maybe tell the tale of the time you went to the mall...and made an obvious pass at the hottest gay teen on the internet?"
"I didn't say I'd make a PASS at him!" I said, and she surrendered instantly.
"Hahaha, ok, ok...but you'll at least TALK to him though, right?"
I knew that I was committing myself to another action that I was probably going to end up kicking myself for later. But as the two of them stared at me, waiting for an answer...I very SLOWLY...gave them one. "Fine." I mumbled. "God, I really hate you two right now." I said, looking down at the floor.
"Don't be so melodramatic. Hehehe, so you talk to him a little bit. So what?" Michelle said with a tone of encouragement. "Take a chance. Ask him if you can sit down and eat lunch with him. The worst thing he can say is 'no', right?"
"No. Actually...the WORST thing he could say is, 'No, get away from me you fucking pathetic loser! You make me sick!' And then him and Artie could laugh in my face." I said, trying to stand on shaky legs.
"Oh...well there you go. Worst case scenario aside, I'd say you're well prepared for that." Lori grinned, and then she stood up to give me a hug around the shoulders. "Go on, hon. Make us proud. You're gonna be great, I promise." Then I felt a pinch of pain as she used her fingers to yank on the hairs on the back of my neck.
"Ack! Shit!" I cringed. "What the hell was THAT for?"
"For being a BULLY!" She said, and then we looked at each other and broke out laughing. "I can't believe you fucking pushed me down in the middle of the mall, hehehe!"
"Yeah, you totally wiped out! It was hilarious!" I giggled, and she slugged me.
"Just...don't do the same to your sunshine blond, up there." She said, and I nodded. I started to walk towards the escalator when I noticed Lori and Michelle weren't following me. "You're...you're not coming with me?"
Lori shook her head softly. "We got you this far. The rest is all up to you."
"How do you know that I'm not just gonna bolt out of here the second I reach the top of the escalator?" I smiled. I tried to make it look like I was kidding...but to be honest, I didn't exactly rule out that plan of action now that I had the chance.
But Lori just smiled back and shrugged. "We don't. But something tells me you'll know what to do when you get there."
"Is that 'something' a mild psychosis?"
"You're wasting TIME, Tristan! He's gonna be halfway through his cheeseburger by the time you sit down! GO, already!"
"ALRIGHT!!!! I'm going! Ugh!" I said...and I looked back at them as I timidly made my way back towards that escalator. My palms began to sweat, and my heart began to flutter...my years of social training in casual conversation already erasing itself from my mental hard drive. By the time I put my hand on the railing of that escalator, stepping onto the moving staircase, my confidence had almost bled itself down to fifty percent of what it was just moments before. A number that was soon to rapidly approach absolute zero by the time I get to the top. A few people got on the escalator behind me, and that was like hearing the giant metal door of bars close behind you on your first day of prison. I was now officially 'trapped'.
There was a little boy in front of me, holding his mother's hand. He couldn't have been more than four years old...but he was staring at me. Almost as if to say, 'what the hell is YOUR problem?' I must have looked absolutely terrified. So I did what I could to calm myself down a bit more. My heart was thump thump thumping in my ears, and I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was gripping the rail so hard that my knuckles were turning white. Arrrgh, STOP it! Just...think about something else! He's not the freakin' BOOGIE MAN! He's just...someone that I fell madly in love with. Someone I don't even know....
Higher and higher the escalator took me. The air seemed to be thinning out. And a violent tremble rumbled through my skinny little chest as I saw people getting off at the top. I was almost there. Breathe, Tristan. Breathe. More people got off. And then the mother and little boy in front of me got off. And now....it was my turn.
I stepped off on the second floor, almost afraid to look around for him. Instead, I turned around and looked down at Lori and Michelle below. Naturally, they were watching me. Both of them waving their arms and telling me to keep going. Sighhhh...ok. Alright. Here goes.
I turned back around, walking past the lightly populated food court. There were a few tables full, but most of the ones in the middle were empty...except for one.
My breath got caught in my throat, and I stopped walking so fast the somebody almost ran into me with a baby stroller and a handful of shopping bags. I had to maneuver to the side a bit to get out of the flow of people traffic...but the second that I was able to get to a wall...I just....I stopped and... I just...stared for a moment or two.
Jesse and Artie were sitting at a table, across from one another. Artie had an Italian beef sandwich that was almost too big for his sweet little lips to envelop fully. And Jesse munching on a plate of Supreme nachos. I had no idea what they were talking about, but from their smiles and occasional giggles, it had to be something cool. Something fun. I loved Jesse's smile. It was the kind of smile that only an angel would have. Like the actual...supernatural, guarding the gates of Heaven, sitting on a cloud playing a harp kinda angel. You know? God...I can't believe that I'm actually seeing them in *PERSON*! And yet...even though he was less than 50 feet away from me...he might as well have been on the moon. I didn't DARE get closer. Not yet. I'm not ready yet.
I absorbed every detail that I could from a distance. His mannerisms were soooo cute. Animated and funny. I loved the way his golden hair would move when he talked. I loved the way his shoulders would jiggle when he laughed. I wish I could see more of him. Like....from the waist down. Even if I just spent some time looking at his shoes...it would be something that I had never seen before. And I'd be fascinated.
I leaned against the wall, almost pressed forcefully against it by the weight of infatuation crushing down on my chest. I could fall asleep looking at those blue eyes of his. I really could. And the second I thought it, Jesse casually looked up from his nachos, just randomly scanning the room, I guess. And they sorta glanced over in my direction. At first, he kinda spotted me in the middle of his natural 'sweep' of the food court. But then, he kinda doubled back...and this time, he looked me right in the eye.
I gasped. And I stood straight up, looking away from him so I wouldn't seem too obvious. Yeah, right! As though he couldn't see me SHAKING from where he was sitting. I was afraid to look back too soon. So with a trembling breath, I silently counted to 10, and then looked back. Jesse and Artie were grinning to themselves again, and I almost felt relieved...but then Jesse looked up again. And his eyes focused directly on me this time.
I looked down at my feet this time, feeling myself starting to harden uncontrollably below the belt. What the hell??? I wasn't even thinking of anything even remotely sexual!! At least not yet!!! But something about having his celebrity gaze land on me like that without any defense against it...being in 'Jesse-101's' personal spotlight...it was the most erotically thrilling moment of my LIFE!!! AHHH!!!
When I finally gathered enough courage to take another few peeks at him, I knew right away that I had been caught staring. I just knew it. Jesse giggled again, and I saw Artie start to look around, but Jesse grabbed his arm to stop him from being so 'blatant' about it. Then...after a few seconds, Artie tried to secretly look over his shoulder at me, and Jesse looked back at me, and....I think I panicked. And I was getting harder and harder by the second. It was gonna be an extremely embarrassing 'boner moment' if I didn't find some kind of cover for it soon! I looked away again, and this time I walked away to go to one of the little restaurant fronts to get something to eat. I swear that I heard them giggling again. Are they....laughing AT me...or are they just being cute?
"Can I help you?" Said the guy at the counter. I had almost forgotten that I was standing there.
"Yeah...umm...just a chicken Caesar salad, please?" I said, and counted out a few dollars and some change from my pocket. I was leaning forward against the counter, which was conveniently placed at 'crotch level'...and wow, I REALLY needed that! Just pressing my hardness up against something gave me a shiver and helped to kinda press it back into place a little. I DIDN'T want to make it any harder than it already was...but a few pushes of my hips seemed to make that sexual ache feel soooooo much better!
Don't worry though. I was very 'professional' about it. I don't want to get spotted doggie humping the counter in the food court, I just needed some pressure relieved.
I was waiting for my salad, and took a little peek back at the table, and Jesse and Artie quickly turned around. Then I saw Artie look up at the ceiling and whistle playfully to himself. Jesse giggled out loud and tossed one of his nachos at him. I turned away again, feeling that infatuated tingle getting worse in the pit of my stomach and below my balls. Shit! Shit shit shit! Ok...so...like, what if he's checking me out? Like...REALLY checking me out? What if he thinks I'm...cute or something? I should have worn my blue shirt. I would have been SO much cuter in my blue shirt! Is my hair alright? My BREATH!!! Awww geez, I could have totally bought some gum or something before I came up here. What if my breath is like...totally horrifying? What if, the whole time, Jesse's thinking, 'he's cute...but ugh, his breath smells like dried leaves and dog spit?'
No...no wait...I'm not gonna do this to myself. I'm soooo close! He's RIGHT THERE! I've GOTTA talk to him! I'm just gonna get my salad, and walk over, and...and...well, I'll think of something on my way over. But I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna...I'm gonna do it!
I got my little plastic container of salad, took a breath deep enough to almost cause my lungs to pop....and I turned around to face my 'target'.
They both took another glance or two at me as I bashfully navigated my way through the many lunch tables in the center of the food court. I know that I accidentally bumped into a few of them, my feet nervously kicking a few chairs. But I kept going. Every step was 'pushed' out with a little force to keep myself from freezing solid in my tracks. The urge to run kept getting stronger and stronger as I approached. But I forced myself to keep walking. Jesse looked up at me, and he smiled sheepishly before looking away again. A this point, my knees began to feel weak, and my tray began to shake. No! No no no no....don't chicken out NOW! Steady...steady.
And then...just as I was reaching the point where I felt I was honestly going to PASS OUT from the stress of it all...I pulled out a chair....and I sat down....
....THREE TABLES AWAY FROM THEM!!!
I had gotten sooooo close...but I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't breathe. Still, I was sitting close enough to them to at least....come up with a somewhat non-embarrassing Plan B.
I opened up my carton and looked down at my salad. My hands were shaking as I picked up my plastic fork...but I didn't move. I promised myself that if I moved, it would only be CLOSER...not further away. Then...just out of the blue...I pictured Jesse naked! AHHHHHH, no no no!!! Don't do that! You're gonna make it WORSE, jackass!!! I wiped the sexy image from my mind as fast as I could...but it kept coming back to me. His naked flesh just...sprawled out on my bedroom carpet...legs spread...one knee up...with all of his 'goodies' displayed for my enjoyment. Ready for me to get down on my belly and just jam my FACE in the softness of his sack while I licked every INCH of that hot body with my hungry tongue! God...I want him sooo BAD!!!!!
It took me a few more seconds to collect myself...but staring at that tabletop had me thinking of kissing those lips, sucking those nipples, nibbling the sides of his neck. I had to close my eyes to get back to normal. Just...eat your salad Tristan Eat your salad, and scratch the rest.
I played around with the leaves in my bowl for a moment or two, and then I looked up at Jesse and Artie again. I was so close! Soooo very close! I could hear their voices from here. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I knew Jesse's voice anywhere. And Artie's was so light and sweet that it was unmistakable. I didn't want to stare at them like some kind of freak, but every few seconds, I couldn't help but to look up and try to observe them some more. He's soooo beautiful! Omigod, I just KNEW he'd be beautiful! It almost hurt to look at him. He was that cute! And every now and then, one of them would kinda look back at me...and then they'd look at each other and giggle again. That's totally a green light! I mean...that's an obvious 'interest', right? RIGHT? Ugh...I'm no good at these things!
I ate a few small bites, but it was really hard to swallow. That's when I heard Artie say something sort of under his breath, and Jesse answered, "What? Hehehe, NO! Don't!"
And those small voices became whispers. And those whispers became some secretive snickers between them. And then, I saw Artie stand up from the table. I froze up instantly! What the....what is he doing? Why is this situation changing??? What's happening here?
Jesse blushed really hard, and he kinda hid his face for a second after peeking over at me again. Artie walked until he was almost standing by my table, and in a 'louder than normal' voice, he said, "Hey...I'm going to get something from waaaaaay over there! So I'll be back in, like...ten minutes! OK?" He said it in a way that was obviously done so that I could hear it, and that made me even MORE nervous than before! Then he turned around and walked past my table, looking me right in the eye, his piercing blue eyes highlighted by the most adorable smile. He gave me a slight wave, and shyly said, "Hi...hehehe..." As he walked past.
Leaving me to make the next move. On 'Jesse-101'.
Scared out of my freakin' MIND...I sat there all alone for a few seconds more, staring at the empty corners of my tray, and playing with my salad. My mind blank, heart tripling it's already maddening speed...why is this so hard? WHY?
I looked up, and Jesse kinda connected eyes with me for a moment. I saw his knee bouncing a little bit under the table, but he didn't say anything. It was a game that we played for what felt like an eternity. Both of us looking while simultaneously trying to hide the fact that we were looking. And soon, the eye contact began to stretch from a split second....to a full second. A full second...to a few seconds. Until the jittery feeling in my stomach got to be so turbulent that I kinda giggled a little bit to myself. Just on instinct. I didn't MEAN to...it just happened all by itself! And I lowered my head to look down at my try as I tried to hold the bubbly energy down before it spilled over...but when I peeked up, and Jesse saw me giggling...the biggest, cutest, most adorable smile EVER spread out across those kissable lips of his! I swear...I could have slid right out of that chair!
He used some of his fingers to gently pull back some of his blond curtain, and I saw the pink shade in his cheeks darken as he grinned a bit more. He rolled his eyes a little in the cutest way...and he bashfully bit his bottom lip, this time looking directly at me. "Hey..." He said softly, and instantly looked away from me as if to hide himself from me again.
My legs were so numb at this point that I thought I'd fall right over and flop on my face if I even TRIED to execute a complicated maneuver such as standing up. Not to mention the fact that I was aroused beyond belief, and didn't know if I'd be able to stand up without knocking over a salt shaker or something! AND STOP PICTURING HIM *NAKED*!!! It's driving me crazy! I didn't think I'd be able to talk to him without drooling all over my own chin. But something about that boy's smile gave me the 'temporary insanity' I needed to give it a try. God...am I really doing this? EEK!!! I really am! Omigod, omigod, omigod!!!!
I stood up, stiff as a robot from head to toe, and I picked up my tray...and as much as my insides felt like a big blender full of completely melted mush...I walked over to Jesse-101's table. "Hi..."
He looked up at me, and those eyes nearly caused me to faint when accompanied by the magnificence of his smile...but with some determination, and a strained gulp in the back of my throat, I held my position. "I'm sorry." He said, a timid smirk on his lips as he looked down at his food. "We didn't mean to stare or anything."
"It's ok." I said abruptly. "Me either." WAIT!!! Did I just admit that I was staring??? ARRRGH! Rewind tape! Edit that part out!
Jesse giggled again, and I just kinda stood there like a statue made of mud. I made Jesse laugh. I....I made him smile. Wow. I mean...wow. Like...like REALLY.....wow! We both stood there for a second, not saying anything. Looking anywhere but in each other's eyes. Because every time our eyes connected, it only caused more giggles between us. You know...technically, I've fulfilled my part of the bargain. I actually TALKED to Jesse-101, live...in 3-D! I could walk away right now, without humiliating myself, and I'll have enough infatuated memories to fill my wet dreams from now until infinity! I don't have to stand here. I don't have to get greedy and 'ruin' it. But....but...
I wanted more. Just....just a LITTLE bit more!
"Um...d-d-do you mind...if I s-s-sit down?" I asked, my body almost aching from trying to hold my trembling frame together.
Jesse lightly bit his bottom lip again. GOD...he's so HOT when he does that!!! "Yeah. Sure. Sorry." He said, and he used his foot to push out a chair for me. My breathing increased tenfold, and I nervously placed my tray down on the table's surface as I slowly sat down.
"Ummm....hi. Heh!" I said again.
"Hi, yourself." He replied. "I'm uh...I'm Jesse."
"Yeah...I know." I said, and suddenly realized that I had just basically outed myself to what might as well be a total stranger. He seemed a bit confused at first, but then it hit him.
"Oh! Oh you mean...you've seen the..."
"...The YouTube thing, yeah." I sat there smiling at him like a total GEEK! And then went right back to picturing him totally naked, and warm, and soft, and smooth....I would suck him soooo hard! He's gotta stop smiling at me like that. I'm losing my sense of self control here! God, I wished I could just...like, reach out and touch his hair or something.
But, Jesse's face seemed to...I don't know...look disappointed when I mentioned the YouTube. His beautiful smile dimmed a little bit, and he looked back down on his nachos. I mean....what the...what HAPPENED??? What did I DO??? WHAT???
"Is...that ok?" I asked.
"Is what ok?"
"That..you know...that I kinda...'watch'? You know?"
"Yeah! Dude...it's totally cool that you watch. I just...I thought maybe..." He paused for a moment, and he did that cute little eye roll thing again before grinning with embarrassment. "...I kinda thought that, maybe...you didn't know me. Like...like maybe you were just, kinda...looking."
I felt my breath turn ice old, and I held the sides of my tray, my eyes focused on the table as I said it. But...it was a leap of faith that I was willing to take. "Actually...I kinda was."
He looked up at me again, and we shared another soft laugh. Then he's like, "Oh....ok." And he fidgeted a bit in his seat. "Umm...hehehe...so..." He was having trouble trying to speak, and it was something that I had never seen from him before. He was always so confident, so sweet, so funny. But...I don't know...him being bashful was so ADORABLE. It was a cute look on him. And it helped me out soooo much to know that he was nervous too.
"I'm Tristan. I wrote you an email, once." Am I even making any sense? Or am I just remotely spitting out the usual crazed fan babble.
"You did? Cool." He said, and shrugged his shoulders.
"I asked about...well...you said you liked to write and stuff."
"Oh wow, that was YOU. Awesome." Then his eyes widened a bit. "Omigod...I'm SORRY!" And he hid his face with both hands.
"Oh man...I totally...put my mouth on you in the video!" He gasped and turned deep purple. "I'm sorry, that's perverted! I didn't really mean that, it was just like...a 'thing' I do. It's a joke..."
"I didn't mind." I smiled, and when he stopped and smiled back at me, I blushed and ended up hiding MY face this time around.
The table was quiet for a few seconds when Artie came back and plopped down in a seat next to Jesse. "Hi!" He smirked. He leaned over to bump shoulders with Jesse, and Jesse leaned to bump him back. The playful chemistry between those two...it's so unique. It practically RADIATES from them whenever they're together. They could turn anybody to a third wheel when they were side by side. "I'm Artie..." He smiled.
"He knows, Artie." Jesse said softly.
"He knows what?" Then the silent signal was sent and received. "Ohhhh...so is he...?" Artie turned to me and asked, "Are you uh...?" Then he changed his mind. "Nah, forget it. Private question. Sorry."
"Actually..." Jesse said with a wicked gleam in his eye. "...Tristan here...was just telling me that he didn't mind me putting my mouth on him." Artie's blue eyes got so wide, and they both started to giggle madly at the idea, lightly shoving each other again.
"WELL THEN...I'm glad that you came to sit with us then!" Jesse gave him a poke in the side, and he squirmed away from him. "OW, no DON'T! I've gotta pee!"
I was seriously out of things to say, and the longer I stayed in their presence, the more awkward I began to feel. Baby step...right? "Well...I really just wanted to say hi to you, and just...let you know that you're awesome. You're SO awesome. I wait for everything that you have to say! You guys just...you're great, ok?" I started to get up, picking my tray up off of the table, and both boys stopped giggling instantly.
"Well...WAIT..." Jesse asked, and he ran his fingers through his hair briefly before saying, "...Um....why don't you sit with us for a little bit? I mean, at least until you finish lunch?"
"You want me to stay?"
"Yeah." He blushed. "It'll be fun."
"Yeah, Tristan, it'll be fun..." Artie mocked, his girlish voice bringing a smile to my face.
"Well...yeah, ok. Sure." I said, and Jesse gave me a flirtatious grin, using his hand to wipe off the table for me to put my tray back down. "You sure you don't mind?" I asked, and he shook his head, his blond hair swaying back and forth with the gentle motion.
And...frightening as it was, I found myself right in the middle of what felt like a Jesse and Artie video. Being a PART of it. LIVING it. And while catching little glances from him across the table...I began to wonder...
..Just how much of this will I be able to stand before this internet celebrity causes me to EXPLODE and the wet dream is over? Because this is too good to be real! PLEASE don't let me wake up yet! Not yet!
And big thanks to openly gay/bi teens like Alexthemagix, Trayce Shaw, Carlkr, AbsolutelyPossibly, SomeoneToShoutFor, and many more...who are MORE than just cool, funny, boys that are pretty to look at on YouTube...but are honestly reaching out with an attempt to make a difference! Even if you guys never read this...I thank you!