Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000 05:27:00 EST
From: KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com
Subject: Just Don't Think I'm Not- Chapter Eight

Thanks for waiting, this is Chapter Eight of Just Don't Think I'm not.
KEEP SENDING COMMENTS!!!

Proofreaders, send me a line.  This computer doesn't have your email
addy's.  My, what a responsible young author I am.  Well, at least I am
good for writing and updating my webpage.  And I moved my webpage to a new
server!!  http://th380y.net

DO NOT:  Read this unless you are of legal age in your area.

DO:  Read this story if you want to read a good story and not some crap
filled with cliche phrases.
(You know what I mean.)

Read this is you are not of legal age!!  GOOD GOD!!  You're at Nifty!  You
know this is for adults there are warnings everywhere and if you've come
this way . . . GO FOR IT!!!  READ A GOOD STORY EVERYDAY!!!


JustDon'tThinkI'mNot
Chapter Eight

I was barefoot in muddy grass.  A sharp wind lashed drops of rain in my
face.  A few breaks in the clouds let the moon poke through and I could see
the things around me.  Anything farther than 20 feet away were invisible,
15 feet, light outlines.  FLASH!  BANG!  Lightning streaked across the sky
with a ground-shaking rumble behind it.  The light glared at me in my
peripheral vision, I looked towards the fading afterglow and saw a house.
It was clearly in a state of disrepair and its black windows stared at me.
Suddenly, I became very aware of where I was all of the things around a
dark and stormy night, fog, lightning, thunder, a spooky house and me.
	Scooby-Doo! Where are you?!  I was scared shitless and now going
into a dark, probably haunted mansion.  The field before it wasn't that
scary, just rotting logs and tripping once or twice a frog that freaked me
out.  When I reached the door, it was partly ajar.  There was a lion shaped
knocker on the door.  I was scared to use it, in a place like this; it
could quite literally bite me.  When I walked in the door a strange scent
hit me, like cinnamon . . . Like cloves.  I looked around myself instantly,
positive that Josh was to be found somewhere near and he could tell me why
I am in a spooky, dark house with an atmospheric war going on outside.  I
walked into the living room, where plastic covered furniture and a painting
of an old woman stared at me.  I listened for a bit . . . Nothing- the
whole house was empty.  All that was there were the plastic covered
furniture and a can to catch a drip.  Next on my "If-You-Ever-Find-
Yourself-In-A-Freaky-Housing-For-No-Reason-To-Do" list was the dining room.
The dining room had a formidable table, good would, glass top, metal
candelabras and plates and forks and .  . . The table was set.  Now why the
hell would someone set the table right before a rainstorm, cook or smoke
something with cinnamon and then leave?!  There was a loud crash, the
window shattered open-

I woke up.

"What was that all about?"  I said to myself.

The clock said 6:59, one minute before the alarm would go off.  I waited
for a little bit, soaking in the dream; house; fog; clove smell; drip;
painting; plastic; table; window.  BZZZZT!!
 BZZZZT!! BZZZZT!!  The alarm went off.  God I hate those alarms.  I walked
across my room and turned it off.  I took my usual shower and checked my
messages as I dried off.

"You have two messages.  (1) First message, sent today, at 1:34 am:

Hey Zach (tired) . . . this is Josh.  Just needed to talk to you and you
didn't return my other message.  Call me.

To save this me- (3)

Second message, sent today, at 1:41 am:

This is Josh (annoyed) . . . call me.

(3, *, *)

Goodbye"

I dialed Josh's number:

"Arnold," Josh's dad picked up.


"Hey, this is Zach," I asked, "Can I talk to Josh?"

"Yeah . . ." He yelled through the house, "Josh!  Phone!"

Josh yelled something back and I heard an extension click.

"Got it," Josh said.

Arnold hung up.

"Hey Josh, I got your messages."  I informed him.

"Oh, yeah.  Sorry I called you so late I just really needed to talk to you
about something."

"Alright, what is it?"

"I wanted to apologize for having you get involved between me and Mel."

"Don't worry, it was nothing.  And anyway, Mel is just being a bully."

"Well, um, I did kind of start that fight."

"You'd better be fucking with me.  How?"

"What Mel told you I did . . ."

"Yeah?"  I was wringing the towel in my hands; this was going piss me off.

"It was true."

"What?!"

"I didn't talk shit about you.  That was a lie.  But I threw the first
punch."  He talked quickly to cover himself, "I didn't mean to.  I just got
scared and . . ."

"And what?" I was angry.  Why the hell would he lie to me about this?
Well, yeah, I knew why, he saw my get mad at Mel.  But still, he shouldn't
have lied and made ME look like the asshole.  "You just happened to throw a
punch at her?  Or you fell on her and your fist seemed to accidentally hit
her?"

"She was in my space and I got scared.  And I wanted her to get away so I
did the first thing that came to mind and that was hit her."

"Oh, okay, well that's a perfectly reasonable excuse of why you PUNCHED MY
FRIEND SINCE KINDERGARTON AND MADE ME LOOK LIKE THE ASSHOLE!"

"Are you okay up there?"  Mom called up the stairs.

I covered the mic, "Yeah mom, I'm fine."

"What'd you say to get her so upset?"  I asked Josh.

"Nothing big," He downplayed his part in this, "Just that, you're kind of
mine now."

"Oh yeah, nothing big, just blasphemy between friends.  Nothing big
. . .yeah."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Well, because you love me.  Don't you love me, Zach?  I love you."  He was
trying to manipulate me.

"Of course I love you, but just because I love you doesn't mean that I have
to like and support everything you do.  And this was something stupid.
What made you think that you can say something like that to Mel and still
think you can get away with it?  She's like a fucking bear trap.  I thought
you'd have learned, man."

"Don't talk down to me.'

"Fine, then how do you want me to respond to something like this?  This has
never happened.  Everyone knows not to mess with the Mel or the Zach, it's
not a smart thing."

"Oh, so now you're saying that, just because you two have been friends
since forever that she is better than me?!


"No," I started speaking slowly to get everything I needed to get out, "It
give is her more leverage than you.  I'm more inclined to favor her side
than yours."

"And why is that?"

"Because I have known her longer and I know what she is like.  Also because
of what you did when we met, on the couch and in the bathroom.  You don't
exactly have the most credibility."  My body was dry and I pulled on some
boxer-briefs.

"I told you I was sorry about that."  Josh whined.

"I know you did.  But it's still really scary to have someone you really
like try and do something like that too you."

"But you'll still protect me?"

I looked at the clock, already 8:00.  This is getting nowhere!  "No!  I
won't!  I told you that.  Why don't you get it?  I don't want to mess
anything up!"

"Don't get angry at me, she's the one that was chasing me down and trying
to keep you away from me."

"Man, that's a load of crap and you know it."

"It is not, she was the one that tried to keep you away from me.  She tried
to beat me up!"

"Yeah, she did and that was wrong.  But I took care of that.  You started
new beef against yourself, by yourself."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I won't step in between this.  You started this shit and
you're going to finish it on your own terms.  I'll be there for you.  But I
won't fight your battles.  If I had known what was happening, I wouldn't
have touched the situation with a 40-foot pole."

"But . . ." Josh tried to argue.

"It's your problem now."  I cut him off, "You've already made me look like
a jackass.  I don't want to ruin a friendship just because you couldn't
keep your mouth shut."

"Fine, whatever, dude."  He sounded resolved.  "You know what?"

"What?"  I said wearily.

"It's off, alright.  It's all off."  He informed me.

And Josh hung up.  I listened to the dial tone for a moment or two before
deciding that I'd better get to school.  I dressed the rest of the way, ate
a fast breakfast and drove down to school.

The bell rang when I got to school, I didn't take the time to notice if
Josh's car was in the parking lot.  I sat down in English and tuned out.
She was talking about Romeo and Juliet.  She had us pick parts that we
would read.  From what I had read earlier, Ms. Anderson cast me as Romeo.
A girl named Jennifer Del Cora was Juliet.  Josh was to be the priest-
Ironic how Josh would be cast as the well-meaning guy who fucks everything
up.  We read a few pages of the play and I was getting increasingly
interested as it went on.  I had never read Romeo and Juliet before, just
seen two or three versions of it.

In Science, we went over the Embargo against Cuba and the teacher's thesis
about how that changed the life of the Cubans.  He thought that the Embargo
was bad for Cuba.  It did have it's bad sides, 80% of what the Cubans
consumed where imports; when the Socialist Bloc fell, they had to double
what they made.  I thought it was good, however.  Cuba did learn how to
grow organically and respect the earth.  Mr. Humphrey told us that there
were going to be debates in the end.  Good, I get to tell everyone how
wrong he is, I thought.

In Social Science, there was a discussion about what goes into a
relationship.  Everyone went in different ways on this subject:

"I think dependability is key in a good relationship." Sarah Linley said,
"Without that you don't know if you can count on someone to even show up to
a date or buy you things."  Tee-hee, I thought.

"No way," Jim McCray interjected, "A hot chick is always the essential to a
good relationship.  How are you gonna spread the lovin' if you don't got a
pretty lady."

And then something happened that totally got under my skin, Mr. Green
called on Josh.

"I think that a relationship needs to have some really good common ground
to start from.  It also needs, like Sarah said, Dependability."  Josh
continued, "But the thing I think a really a relationship needs to have is
understanding.  I know if I screw up in a relationship, I at least want my
girlfriend to try and understand rather than get angry with me right away."

"So what do you do when your girlfriend messes up?"  I put Josh on the
spot; there was a little bit of anger in my question.  "Do you get mad at
her or are you just glad it wasn't you who messed up first?"

He turned around and glared at me before he decided to be PC.  "It depends
on what she does.  Like, it she commits some kind of knarley offense like
cheating one me or something I'll just dump her and go find someone else
. . ."

Was that a threat or was he just bullshitting now?  I know I didn't cheat
on him so I have nothing to worry about.  There aren't any places where gay
people can meet.  Maybe a coffee shop or two, but that's all.  The only gay
people I know about are Josh and Jack.  I suspect a few people, but I don't
think they'll exactly come out and tell people.  They probably aren't even
gay.

"That brings me to my point."  Mr. Green said, "Hypocrisy in relationships
is not uncommon.  Mr. Moody's partner could just embarrass him or choose to
defend the wrong side and he could become indignant with his partner.
There are a large number of unhappy relationships.  Say, relationships that
join two wealthy families; to appease the parents; for money.  When people
realize down the road that they are really unhappier than they thought they
try to get out.  And that comes down to one person trying to get all that
they can and leaving; while the other focuses on leaving with everything
they have.

"An ideal relationship would be no fights, always there, sex all of the
time, no sex, just foreplay, leaving space, cooking for you.  But a
successful relationship can sustain many fights and do.  The kind of
relationships that Ms. Linley and Mr. McCray shared are more ideal than
anything else is.  Of course, there are people who will shower you with
gifts and there are 'hot' people out there who are there to 'spread the
lovin'.  The most stereo-typical of those being shallow quote-un-quote
'cheerleaders' and clueless old men with a million or two in the bank."
There were a few words of agreement from the class.  Mr. Green surveyed the
room and waited until the information he had laid on us had sunken in.

"I want a two-page essay about what your ideal relationship would be and
how you think it would turn out in practice - 12 font, double spaced."

"Hey Zach!"  Sean called me over from the lunch line to his table; Mel
wasn't there.

"Hey Sean, que pasa?"  I inquired.

"Mel is really upset about something.  I think she and Josh got into
another catfight or something.  But I can't get her to tell me anything."

Oh crap, I thought, did I fuck her up that much?  "What do you want me to
do about it, dude?"  Dude?  Josh's influence is already hitting me.

"I don't know, try and talk to her or something."

"Where is she?"

"I think she is hiding out in a dark corner of the media center."

"Alright," I said, "I'll go talk to her.  But I just want to warn you now
that Mel and I have rifts between the two of us also."

"Well, go to it!"  Sean squeezed my shoulder and I went off to see Mel.

Mel was in a corner of the media center, with a copy of Little Women in her
hands.  She looked upset; she was in a furious sort of concentration.  I
stood a foot inside the doorway and watched her, trying to guess at what I
might encounter.  She was still staring at the same page a minute later
when I decided to go up and talk to her.  I sat cautiously in a chair next
to Mel.

"Hey Mel," I tried to get her to meet my eye but she wouldn't have it.
"Mel?"  I felt a minute go by.

"Mel," I prodded her with my finger.

"You hurt me yesterday, Zach.  You hurt me."  She spoke to the book, the
page, fifty- eight; it's yellowed pages looking back at her.

"Yes, I know Mel.  And I wanted to apologize to you about that."  I took
the book out of her hands so that she would look at me.

She grabbed the book away, "You can be such a jerk!"

"I know Mel, and I have and I am sooo sorry about what I did.  I thought I
was doing the right thing, you know, when you go into an argument hot and
heavy and find out what someone told you was completely wrong.  That's what
happened here.  I didn't believe you when I should have.  God Mel, I'm so
sorry."

"What if I can't believe you?"

"Mel, I don't blame you for not believing me.  I wouldn't be talking to
myself for a while if I were in your position.  But Josh told me what he
did.  He told me that he baited you into doing what you did."

"Stupid piece of shit!"  She spat vehemently, "When did he tell you?"

"He left a message at one in the morning and then I called him before
school."  I looked into Mel's eyes, the brown light than before, her eyes
wider, her face longer.  "And you know what he had the nerve to do Mel?  He
got mad at me for support you.  He got mad at me and he broke up with me!"

Mel gasped a little.

"And here I am without a boyfriend, and without my best-friend, that I have
known since kindergarten, that I had hurt so badly."

"You know," Mel smiled, "If I were you were less nice and more pathetic
than you are right now, I would make you beg me and say exactly what you
said.  But you did it for me.  And I accept your apology."

"Thanks Mel."

"So what are you going to do about Josh?"

"I don't know, what do you think I should do about him?"

"Leave him, he's an ass anyway.  Sure, he's hot and all, but he doesn't
treat you right.  You need a nice boy.  Someone like Jack."

"Jack?"  I almost shrieked, "God, I did piss you off, didn't I?"

"No Zach, you didn't piss me off, you just scared me.  You've never hurt
anyone of your friends.  Even if they do beat each other, up.  But what you
did to me was kind of savage.  But I knew that Josh would tell you what
happened sooner or later.  His big joke . . . Hahaha, look at what you did.
Boy, you must be embarrassed!  You know?"  "Totally, I kind of felt that
way too.  But I can't believe he broke up with me.  What the fuck is up
with?!"

"He's screwed up, you told me so and I can see it.  Just let him go his own
way.  Chasing him is kind of like boxing without Mike Tyson and thinking
he's not gonna knock you out within the first three punches.  Well, I
should go check this book out and actually get some lunch.  I'll call you
tonight, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm not busy."

"See ya," Mel smiled and we went our separate ways.

In creative writing, I couldn't help but think about what Mel said about
Jack.  He was kind of cute, sure.  But was that me or the rebound speaking?
I'm not cute enough for him anyway.  And if I was, he wouldn't want to date
me, he's a total biker and I don't do shit.  Jack?  No way!

"Zach?"  Jennifer brought me back from my thoughts.  "Zach, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm cool.  I just spaced out, what did I miss?"  I asked her.  She
took out a pad of paper and a pen, "We are supposed to pick a partner and
write a poem about beauty."

"Oh," I looked across the room at Josh and smirked.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to be my partner."  Jennifer Del Cora asked
me.

"Sure, I don't have another partner anyway."  Not anymore, that is.

Jennifer and I work studiously for the rest of the period coming up with a
poem about beauty.  She wanted to do a poem about flowers and yellow tries
and I wanted to do a poem about the beauty of something deep, not just what
everyone else would be doing.  Maybe write a poem about the beauty of a
tragic thing.  Jennifer and I finally agreed to write a poem about a dying
tree.

"Oh dying tree, look at you
Nobody wants to be with a dying tree
Your leaves are brown, you own no bark
They cut you away from the park
Oh dying tree, I wish I could be
Part of you"

And the teacher loved it.  She said it was a beautiful poem "about trying
to save something that was already lost".  A great metaphor for a great
many things in life.  But when asked, Ms. Schimel could only come up with
the obvious answer, a tree.  Jennifer agreed with Ms. Schimel, and when
they asked me, I told them I thought it was about a doomed relationship,
you want to be part of it, if you do stay with it is short lived and
fruitless.  Josh sat in the corner and glared at me, I smiled at him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
That's Chapter Eight.  Went a little crazy in the intro.  Hey, you gotta go
crazy every now and then.

Email me:  KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com