Date: Sun, 31 Dec 2000 01:34:25 EST From: KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com Subject: Just Don't Think I'm Not - Chapter Nine What's up everyone. So I haven't written for a while, but I had to do the family thing. No worries, I'm back. So check out the newest chapter and tell me what you think. Does this one live up to the others? Or is it some filler so I can get to the better stuff? Is there going to be any better stuff? AIssignment dues next week . . . DISCLAIMER: Adult story . . . 18 . . . states . . . don't know about anywhere else. If your here, you're here. That doesn't get in the way of anything else now. You'll just be breaking more of the law if you READ on and you're under 18. But what the hell am I going to do? I'm just a guy who writes. CHECK OUT MY SITE: HTTP://TH380Y.NET J.D. Tin Chapter Nine: When It's Defective, Return It for Another One Math sucked. We were now learning about planes and how to solve for z and shit like that. It was hell to sit in Math and listen to our teacher drone on and on. I guess listening is one of the keys to learning. Too bad doctors can't install knowledge in your brain. I was glad to get out of the classroom when the bell rang. People were handing out CD's at the main gate, BoyHitsCar. "Hey Z," Jack said behind my shoulder when I was wrestling with something in my locker. "Oh, hey Jack." I spun around to look at him. There was something in the air around him that made me uneasy. "What's up?" "Not much just wanted to know if we could chill tonight? Rent some movies or something, more pizza, I'll bring some soda." People usually hangout at my house, so it's a given that they'll bring something as a sort of toll to enter. Dad put a room in our house that was seven feet lower than the rest of the house so it would keep cooler in the summer. The room has a large "L" shaped couch and a big screen TV. Very cool digs. "Alright, you want to rent the movies too?" I asked. "Pizza isn't cheap these days . . .13 bucks a pop." "A'ight then," Jack said, "five-ish?" "Yep, see you then." _ We went our separate ways, Jack probably had to haul ass over to Hollywood Videos. I drove home, watching the scenery lay out. It was really a beautiful day, the sun was out, it was 68 degrees; yes, this is a beautiful day. I decided to play that CD. "And you will hear yourself when the rain begins to fall Feel the fire burning inside a song Remove me for going unchained Pulling myself together again And listen to the conversation of the sea Inside myself as a quiet beach If we fall into the center, we will become free I myself could use a little clarity" This is some good shit, I thought as I listened on. The band had the feel of Savage Garden mixed with Refused and Incubus . . . Awesome. I listened to the whole CD (it only had two tracks) on the way home. Pulling up at my house, I saw my mom's car was gone, probably out with her friends. Most of the houses by me have only the husband working, like my family, so the wives have time to form their own little clique. I remember when they took up sewing in our living room; my dad and I called them the "Stitch and Bitch Club". _ I hopped up the stairs to my room and collapsed on my bed. Why do people do that anyway, "collapse" on their bed? I hear that a lot, and now I knew why. It feels so damned good! I lay there on my bed spread- eagled and thought. God dude, what the fuck is happening with Josh? He's just an asshole. Even though, he's so nice most of the time . . . Stop making excuses. Why can't he just be normal like everyone else? Because he's an ass. I bet his parents are hardly there. Not like dad is any better he goes away for weeks at a time and then comes back until the next project comes, which is, like, three seconds later. I'll bet Josh's parents used to lock him in the closet 'cause he was such a bastard. I snickered in the emptiness of where my thoughts had put me. I was in a big black space with thoughts coming to me along with flashes of images. You need to make him jealous, that's how you can get him back. Like he would really want to come back, you're just as screwed up as he is. "Yeah," I laughed, "I talk to myself!" I left the conversation with myself where it was and found something better to do. Perfect Dark was what I was doing for another half of an hour. "3:45 in the afternoooooooon. Afternooooooonnn!!" God I am bored, I thought to myself, I'm playing a video game that I had beaten months ago. "God, couldn't I have asked Jack to come a little earlier." I turned off the television and turned the radio to some station called Alice. Alice is a radio station that comes in from San Francisco. I was flipping through the stations one day, I heard "San Francisco", and I just kept it there because Chris Isaak was on and I liked the song. But I still needed something else to do, my fingers were tingling, they needed something to do. "Porn time!" I yelled and ran over to the computer in the office. C'mon, I have the house all to myself, I can act as crazy as I want. Hell, I can dance in my underwear to the worst Barbara Streisand song I could find if I wanted. Well, not that far. I turned on the computer and went on the internet. Hit the randomizer, a little doo-dad that one of my friends showed me that takes all of my favorites and picks one to go to. Nifty Erotic Story Archive; oooohh bad porn! Well, Nifty itself is a good organization, but the writers that submit to the archive can be terrible. We're talking 4th grade writing skills, cliché's every sentence, "I thrust my warm manhood into is waiting ". Form porn is better written; at least it has a discernable plot. I picked a story at random and began reading. Then I realized something, laughing at bad porn is more fun when somebody else is in the room with you. I closed the window and sat staring at my screen. Every game I had on my computer I had beaten. Movies . . . no, I've seen the, all too. "Lalalaa! I am soooo booooorrrreed!" I said in a fake opera voice. What else could I be doing? Nothing, nothing and, oh yeah, nothing! More sitting and I looked at the screen some more. Oh yeah, there's some email. I clicked on the mailbox icon and looked at 20 emails, porn ads, god I hate those. Email from a friend in Oregon and another from a friend in Australia. I spent some time catching up on what I had missed in the last week of unanswered emails. Yada, yada, free porn . . . Nick from Oregon is fine; Eddy from Australia is doing well, on winter break. Eddy had new pictures and I checked them out, he looked better than his last picture. Of course, his last picture was taken when he was still on heroine. The door bell rang and I couldn't help but squeal, "Yes, finally!" I ran down the stair and there was mom. The truck keys were separate from the house keys and I guess she forgot to take the house keys with her. "Hey Zach," Mom gave me a grocery sack, "Expecting someone?" "Yeah, Jack's coming over and I'm just really bored." I told her. "Oh, well, help me with the groceries, that'll give you something to do." I took in the groceries for Mom and put them all away. It was about that time when the doorbell rang again, Mom was in her room watching TV. This has to be Jack! I flung open the door to be greeted by . . . A boy with a clipboard and a big plastic box full of candy, oh gee. "Hello, sir," He must have been my age, "I'm doing a fundraiser so that I can go . . ." "No thanks," I told the boy and closed the door. The doorbell rang again. You're not Jack! Go away! Why am I so anxious to see Jack, I thought as I opened the door. "I said no- Oh hey Jack!" I invited him and hugged him. "Wow, you seem really happy to see me." He said in my hug. "Well, I have been waiting for you for . . . I don't know . . . since school got out. I have been so bored. You're like my night in shining armor! Take me away to a more entertaining place!" "Ummm . . . To your bed?" Don't mind if I do. What the fuck am I thinking?! "Dream on." "Worth a chance." Yeah, especially since you're so fucking hot. Can we say libido- inferno? "So, what did you get?" I asked him as I rifled through the Hollywood Videos bag on the short walk to the den. "Ummm . . ." He thought about it, "Fight Club, Pitch Black and The Shining." Fight Club; ugh, bad memories attached to that. "Can we skip Fight Club, dude?" "'Dude'? Josh says that all of the time." Jack just had to point that out. "Oh yeah, I guess it catches." I said apathetically, great now he has pain attached to the things I say! Asshole. "Something wrong between you and Josh?" He looked at me in the doorway. "Err . . . No." I stopped dead in my tracks, "Does it seem like there is something wrong between us?" "No, no, no, no. It just sounded like . . . You know what? Never mind, it was my imagination." "Oh, okay." We sat down on the couch and stared at the empty TV. I didn't want to talk about Josh and Jack knew that. But he was probably too curious not to talk about it, so he was just being quiet and thinking about it by himself, like he should be. I mean, why should he tell me about what he thinks is going on between Josh and me. So what, just a little break up, some battery and an attempt at rape. That's not enough to be suspicious. And why am I even worrying, not like Jack doesn't already know, I'm sure Mel told him something. Right? Well, maybe he doesn't know, and he's being silent because he's thinking about me, or he knows that I am looking at him that way now. But I'm just on the rebound, not like I'll still be thinking about him like this tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. But I was thinking about Jack for a while. Now I am rambling. God damn it! What am I worried about it. I don't think he knows about what happened, so I could just tell him, what harm would that do? And then he would say, "Oh, I knew that." Or, "Oh, I didn't know that, I'm sorry". And that would be it. No, I don't think he does know. "Josh broke up with me, but Mel probably told you that already." I blurted out in a nearly one-syllable sentence. "She didn't." He replied. We stared at the television again. I started to think about what had happened and how much I did like him. And I hoped so bad that he would realize what he did was such a tryst and say he was sorry. But he wouldn't think like that would he, he probably thinks I am an idiot or was never really serious, was he? This isn't the behavior of a serious person, is it? And a tear formed on my right eye, and it fell down my right cheek, and tickled my skin. Another tear formed on my left eye, it fell down my left cheek and I sniffled. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jack turn to me, he looked sad too. What are you sad for Jack? I thought to myself, this is my problem not yours. Jack reached out a finger towards my cheek and wiped a tear off. He looked at the tears on his finger and them looked back to me, I sniffled again and another tear or two fell off my face. Jack lifted me towards himself, sat me in between his knees and hugged me tight while I cried. I wrapped my arms around his and cried some more. He nuzzled his face in my neck and gave it some butterfly kisses. God, I thought, why couldn't Josh be like this? Why couldn't he care about me this much? And I cried harder, I cried it all out. I never thought I would cry over an asshole, over Josh. Here I was crying with Jack. Jack was crying too. I turned my head as far as it could go to look at Jack. "Why are you crying?" I sniffled. He replied softly, "Because I don't like seeing you this way. It hurts me to see you cry." He is so sweet, I thought to myself. There was a strong urge to kiss him, but I couldn't kiss Jack. Jack is my best friend. If I kiss him, everything will change. Do I really want everything to change? "Jack," I said, "I want to kiss you." And I kissed him, in my den, while I was crying, I could taste the salt of tears on his lips. It was a quick kiss, but that kiss was all I could ever want from him. What about Josh? I didn't want to think about that anymore, I snuggled into Jack's neck and just felt him. I felt Jack for the first time. I could feel what Jack was, I could feel his feeling, I could feel his heart, I could feel his breathing and I could feel how he felt for me. Jack was in love with me. But how did I feel about him? "Jack," I asked, "Are you in love with me?" "Yes," He replied. Love makes everything so complicated, I thought. Jack, why can't you just "really like me"? "You know we can't have this though." I told him, "It's not right. We're best friends, Jack, we can't be boyfriends. What if I fuck up, what if we end up hating each other?" "You have no idea how much I have wanted this though." Jack told me, "I need this. I need you. I can't stand being without you. When you and Josh became an item I was so jealous of him, I almost thought of beating him up. But I know you would have killed me for that. So, I just had to wait in the background, to be your friend and give you advice or help you out when you are having problems. "And now that you are having problems I am just supposed to sit here and let you kiss me and then go home and say, that was just being a friend? I was just being a friend for kissing another friend? For letting my friend kiss me?! That's so fucking unfair and selfish of you! You can take all you want and I give it to you. But when I want it in return, it can't happen? Because we're best friends? Because we will hate each other in the end? That fucking unacceptable, I could never hate you. But if it goes like this, I will. Get the fuck off of me." Jack pushed me away, his eyes were bloodshot from crying, they didn't look angry though. They looked betrayed . . . and serious. "Jack," I tried to bring him back down to my level, "I'm scared okay? I was just ripped inside out by another guy and I probably shouldn't even be trying to get with you this early. How do I know this isn't just me on the rebound?" "I know you're not on the rebound. I've seen you looking at me at the start of this school year! You can't sit there and tell me that you're doing these things because you are on the rebound. I know you Zach," He started crying tear of frustration. "I know you Zach, you can't do this to me, man. Please. I know you love me too, you have to, you have to love me." Jack's right, Jack is totally right. I have been looking at him and I have been thinking about him in a different way. "You're right Jack." I told him. He looked at me cock-eyed, "What?" "I have been looking at you and I do like you a lot. But I am scared of what will happen. So, can we just take it really slow?" "Ummm . . . yeah. We can!" He paused to think, "What now?" "Now, I curl up with my new boyfriend and we watch Pitch Black." "Sounds good to me." Jack stood up and got the tape while I got myself comfortable facing the TV. He turned it on and pressed play and sat back with me. The movie was already past most of the previews and was cued on the last one, It's the Rage or something like that. I wrapped my arms around Jack. ______________________ That's it for now. More later. Email me for feedback. It really does help me write better. http://th380y.net KillerPizzaMonkey@yahoo.com