Warning, the story you are about to read deals with issues such as homosexuality and teenage sex. If your offended by such behaviors or your not of legal age to read such material, pleas exit now.
Well good! The following story deals with my actual coming out experience and subsequently the fictional path my life would have taken if only I I could of told my parents that I was gay almost ten years ago. Some of the characters within my stories are based off real people but their names have been changed to protect their identities.
Any similarities to real events or situations are purely coincidental.
(A few days later...)
"Honey, what's the matter? You haven't been your cheerful self for the past couple of days." My mom had finally noticed that I was just going through the motions of life for the past couple of days.
Ever since my "friend" Tony outed me at school, my life had been a living agony. All of my once "friends" have removed all association with me. Threatening notes have been left on my locker, classmates won't let me into the locker room during gym, and a few of my teachers are beginning to ignore me in class. Things seemed to get worse with each passing day.
"Nothing is wrong mom; I'm just a bit tired." I lamely lied. "I just need to rest for a little bit, then I'll be okay."
"Well, you know that you can talk to me if something is bothering you, okay?"
"Okay, now can you just leave me alone for a bit, please!"
Lisa was concerned for her oldest son. He had always seemed such a vibrant and upbeat child, but something recently had changed. Zack seemed to fake happiness whenever she saw him when she got home from work. She hoped that he would still be napping whenever her husband got home from work.
"Hey honey, how was your day?" Lisa greeted her husband in the living room just as he started to settle down for the evening.
"It was pretty good until I got a call from Zack's school this afternoon."
"Why, what did they want?" Lisa was hoping that she could finally figure out what the matter was with Zack. "Is he in trouble?"
"It depends on how you look at it." John said to his wife of eighteen years. "It seems that several of the students in Zack's class have begun a rumor that Zack is...well...how should I put it? That Zack is...delicate."
"That Zack is gay. I don't know where these kids get off trying to spread such rumors, but I know for certain that Zack was not raised to be some little...well I can't even say it."
"Why would the start a rumor like that? No wonder Zack is so distraught. What should we do?
"I know what I'm going to do; I'm going to get down to the bottom of this and figure out what needs to be done to squash this rumor once and for all."
Just then, a lonely and distraught figure entered the doorway.
"Hi honey, we were just talking about you. How are you feeling? Did your nap help." Lisa was feeling a little guilty about talking about her son behind his back.
"Hey sport, I got a call today from your school."
"John! I thought we were going to talk a little bit more before we talked to Zack!"
"Well, I don't think we need to talk anymore. I want to know the facts so I can end this situation."
"Wha...wha...what are you talking about?" I was hoping that he was not talking about what I thought he was talking about.
"We want to know if you're gay."
At this I quickly retreated back to the sanctuary of my own room. First it was my friends, now it was my parents. Home had been the last place that I could get away from all the crap at school. But, no more. What the hell should I do? There was only three options: First option was to deny that I was gay, second option was to tell my parents the truth, or the third option that I really didn`t want to think about. One of the options seemed to have more appeal than the other two...
(Back in the living room)
"John! How could you have done that! Can`t you tell that he is hurting?"
"Well what am I supposed to do, pretend that I didn't hear that my oldest son may be a.... homosexual?"
"Well we could have tried to be less forceful and abrupt." Lisa got up from the couch. She really did not want to be in the same room as her husband at the moment. "I'm going to talk to him, because right now he needs some love."
I was still lying face down on my bed pretending that I no longer existed when a knock at my door brought me back to reality.
"Zack, honey, are you all right? Can I come in?"
"It's your house, I don't see why not."
Lisa looked at her distraught son, she could still remember bringing him home from the hospital and keeping a watchful eye on him when he slept. What could have happened over the past fourteen years? Lisa blamed herself for Zack's problems; she should have been a less affectionate mother. Maybe he would have been better off.
"Sorry about your dad earlier, he's just a little stressed out at the moment."
"You mean, he a little asshole at the moment."
Trying to stifle a laugh Lisa said, "Hey, watch your mouth, he's still your father."
"As far as I'm concerned he was the guy who happened to donate his sperm fourteen years ago. That seems to be the only thing that he has ever given to me since then."
"I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way. Your dad is just scared. He's not scared for himself, but scared for you. You're his son."
"Well...anyways. What do you want? If all you want to do is defend your husband, I would much appreciate it if you would just leave me alone."
"I can't do that. I love you."
"Yes! Your father and I love you very much and wish for your happiness."
"That does not seem like a possibility for the time being or for the future."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Concerning your unhappiness, does your current mood have anything to do with school?
Lisa did not know how to address the next topic. She decided to just do it and weigh the consequences later. Lisa was always to one to notice the white elephant first. She just always seemed to ignore it until it seemed to go away. But, not this time!
"Zack, are you having trouble concerning your sexuality? It is entirely normal to question it at this age. Confusion is part of growing up."
"Don't tell me that you're going to start too! I though that you would be different, but I guess I was wrong."
"Your father and I just need to know for sure. Are you gay?
This was it for me. I could deny the rumors for the sake of my family's peace of mind or I can confirm the rumors for my own peace of mind. What the fuck!
"Would you still love me if I said yes? Or would you hate me like everyone else?"
"Are you trying to tell me that you are gay?"
The moment was too emotional for Lisa to allow her son to skirt around the issue. "I want a definite yes or no, are you gay?"
"...yes..." I seemed to shrink back into himself at that moment. I was sure that I had made one of the worst decisions of my young life.
"Well...I see..." Tears started to flow down Lisa's cheeks. It was all her fault. She had thought that she had been ready for either answer but she was wrong. She hated herself for the brief lapse of love that she felt towards her young son. She vowed to herself that until she took her last breath, she would always love her son.
"Mom, mom! Please say something. Tell me that you love me. Tell me that you hate me! Anything but crying!"
John hearing the commotion down the hall went to investigate.
"What is all this shouting about?"
"I'm a faggot and both you and mom hate me!" I irrationally screamed at my parents. "I'm going to do both of you guys a favor and remove my existence from your perfect worlds!"
"Quit your sobbing and your yelling! I will not have such disrespect in my house! Do you hear me?!"
"John calm down...we need to all settle down and talk. All of this yelling is not making anything better; it's just making it all worse." Lisa finally had the clarity of mind to snap out of her self-pity and finally take a hold of the situation before it gets out of hand.
"What am I supposed to do?! My first born son just told me he was a fag! How am I supposed to stay calm?!"
"First you quit thinking about yourself and consider how hard it is for your son. Then you apologize for your temper. Finally, you tell him that you love him."
"I'm sorry for the temper but I can't think about the rest at the moment. I'm going for a drive and will be back later."
John left the situation as quickly as he had entered it. Leaving the anxiety ridden teen and his mother to try to fix the mess.
"He hates me,... I know it..."
"He doesn't hate you. He's just confused. Your father has always been a man's man and does not really know how to interpret the situation. When he is done thinking about himself and calms down he will realize that he still cares for you."
"Do I what?"
"Care for me? I understand if you don't love me anymore, but I still need someone to care for me."
"I love you and I will always love you. I'm sorry that you have felt that I had stopped loving for you." Lisa wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'll tell you what. How about I fix you something to eat. Would that make you feel any better?"
Having the presence of mind to remember my mom's cooking skills, I remarked, "What? Do you hate me that much, that you would try to kill me with your culinary creations?"
"My cooking is not that bad. A person messes up sloppy Joe's once and she is branded a culinary disaster."
"I know enough about cooking to know that your supposed to cook the meat before you add the sauce."
"Well will a pizza do?"
"I guess I can manage pizza."
Well, that is the end of chapter two. If you read the footnote on chapter one you know that I said "No." My dad still left the house and my mom really did order pizza, but it is funny the difference one word can make. The following chapters will finally be more fictional that the previous two.
Now the real changes can begin...