Warning, the story you are about to read deals with issues such as homosexuality and teenage sex. If your offended by such behaviors or your not of legal age to read such material, pleas exit now.
Well good! The following story deals with the fictional path my life would have taken if only I I could of told my parents that I was gay almost ten years ago. Some of the characters within my stories are based off real people but their names have been changed to protect their identities. Any similarities to real events or situations are purely coincidental.
On a more personal note, I want to thank everyone for the positive feedback and please bear with me when I make the occasional typo or grammar error. To err is human...yadda, yadda, yadda.
(Later that nights...)
I just couldn't sleep. Even though a large weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, I still could not seem to rationalize everything that had just happened. Earlier tonight I had told both of my parents that I was gay. My mom says that she still loves me but I'm not so sure about my dad. He left because he could not take the pressure of the situation.
For me, there was no profound realization that I was gay. I've always seemed to know. Even before I knew what the word gay was, I knew that boys were more interesting to look at than girls. I can appreciate that some girls are attractive, but boys seem to be put together a little better than girls.
My thoughts were interrupted when my window was momentarily filled with the glow of my dad's headlights. I sense of dread and anticipation came over me. What was going to happen now?
I peaked out from by bedroom just to see my dad enter the dining room. I know why my dad was going into that room. The dining room only had two purposes, hold various family functions and store the liquor cabinet. My dad was going onto one of his binges.
I didn't want to be part of his semi-drunken tirade, so I locked my bedroom door and tried to go to sleep. Fortunately for me, sleep was no longer elusive.
When I woke up the next morning I realized that there was something different. It was brighter than it usually was during my usual wake up call. What gives?
I hurriedly got dressed and was about to rush out the door for school when I was interrupted by my mom.
"Where do you think your going young man?"
"To school? I`m late."
"I've decided that you could use a couple days off from school. I've actually called your school and told them that you won't be attending for the next week. I hope you don't mind."
"Mind? I would love to miss school, but what is the catch? Does this have to do with last night?"
"A little bit...I just thought that me and you needed to spend some time together. I feel that it is important that we get to know each other a little better before we move ahead."
"What is there to know? Your my mom, I'm your son, and...oh yeah!...I'm gay."
"Well, you telling me your gay is a start. Now I want to get to know you, not your sexual orientation."
My mom and I spent the rest of the morning talking. We didn't really talk about anything of real importance, we just talked. Over the past couple of years, I had come to miss that part of our relationship. We were always close. As far as the whole mother/son relationship could allow, but now we were becoming friends.
The happy morning was subsequently ended when my dad parked in our driveway. My mom was the first to notice.
"Wait right here," she told.
Looking out the window I saw that my dad was a little worse for wear. He had seemed to age ten years in a matter of only one night. I could have been feeling sorry for him, but I was not about to admit that I had forgiven him. Not yet anyways.
My mom confronted my dad before he could enter the front door.
"Why aren't you at work?"
"I wasn't feeling well, so I called it a short day," my dad mumbled in response.
"Your hung over more like it and you couldn't stand the sounds of the office any longer. Am I right?"
"I guess...I need some aspirin." My dad passed my mom and stepped into the kitchen. The first thing he saw was me sitting at the island.
"I thought you were at school. I really can't deal with you at the moment."
"I made him stay home, and he will not be going back to school for at least another week." My mom interjected on my behalf.
"And who made you the boss of this family? It is up to me to make the decisions in this household and I think that it would be in Zack's best interest if he went back to school."
"Well, I don't think so!" My mom replied.
"What he needs is to go back to school, tell everyone that he is not gay, and put everything back to normal!"
My mom had finally had enough of this conversation.
"It seems apparent to me, that I am the only rations parent in this household! Our son is gay, there is nothing that you or anyone else is going say to change that! As far as I'm concerned, you need to pack up some of your things and find another place to call home for awhile!"
My dad seemed shocked. My parents have always fought, but this is the first time that either one of them has suggested the other to leave. As far as I could see it, it was all my fault that my parents were arguing. I could not deal with my parents separating or worse, getting divorced.
My dad left the kitchen, packed up his things, and left the house in less than half an hour. My mom seemed more distraught than he was, but she would not forgive him for his attitude.
"I'm sorry that I made you guys fight, it is all my fault this happened." I went over and gave my mom a hug.
"Its not your fault, it's your dad's fault for not trying to understand his own children. I should of made him confront the situation instead of making him leave. But, what's done is done."
The rest of the day was pretty subdued in comparison to the morning. My sister was upset to hear that my dad had moved out, but she seemed to understand a little my mom's intentions.
"So you're gay?" My sister Melissa asked as she sat at the edge of my bed.
"It seems so." Was my only reply.
"What's it like?"
"What do you mean, what's it like?"
"What's it like to be the first one to rebel against our parents?"
Melissa was always to one for dramatics. Even though she was my younger sister, people were always thinking we were twins. I could understand the confusion because Melissa and I were only ten months apart. For most of the time we were a year apart in age, but for two months we were the same age. Talk about confusing. We both had wavy dark hair and olive complexions. The only remarkable difference between the two of us were our eyes. I had inherited my dad's dark brown eyes, while my sister's were a mysterious blue-gray like my mom's.
"I don't think that telling mom and dad that I am gay has anything to do with rebellion."
"Of course you wouldn't see it that way, but it sure got dad pretty heated. I wonder if him and mom will be able patch things up later on."
"I hope so, I really don't like the idea that I was the one that destroyed their marriage."
The next few days were very subdued and peaceful. Conversation and bonding seemed to be the norm with my remaining family. We had just finished dinner when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"Hey sport...sorry about last time. Sorry for being such a jerk last time. I am still trying to get a grip on things."
"Okay...why are you calling us?" I was being cold but my dad had hurt my feelings. I wasn't going to let him off of the hook that easily.
"I know an apology may seem a little forced at the moment, but it is my hope that you'll be able to forgive me in the future. It is hard to train an old dog, especially when that dog is your father."
"I really don't know."
"Well I hope that we will be able to understand each other better in the future. Is there anyway that I can talk to your mother."
I handed the headset to my waiting mother. All I could hear were her replies.
"Hey...I'm still upset...I know that you fell sorry but words are weak, I need some action...That's a possibility...I'll see...Okay, bye."
With that my mom turned off the phone and looked blankly at the wall in front of her. I could tell that she was deep into her own thoughts, but I was still very curious what he had to say.
"What did he want to say?" I said to brake her silence.
"He wanted to see how I was and say that I'm sorry. He then asked if it was okay for him to move back home. I said that I'll have to see and then I told him goodbye."
"What do we do now?"
"We wait for your father to make the next move."
We didn't have to wait long for my dad's next action because he called the following night to inform my mom that he had enrolled the both of them into couple counseling. He felt that he needed to talk with her in a controlled environment and that was his only solution.
When it was time for my parents' first counseling session, a few days later, I was still home from school. My mom had wanted me to only stay home for a few days, but a few days became a week and a half. Fortunately for me, my school was pretty relaxed in its attendance rules and my sister brought me home all of my homework.
"So how did...ummmm...counseling go?" I tried to ask nonchalantly. "What did you guys talk about?"
"We just talked. I don't think I've done that with your father in over three years. It was nice." My mom seemed more relaxed and calm.
"Well, what about me? Did you guys say anything about me?"
"Lets see. Your father did make a suggestion that may or may not help you in the future. I wanted to run it by you to see if you would be okay with it."
"What did he say."
"First off, I want you to know that both me and your dad both love you very deeply. And, no matter what we will always be your parents."
"Whoa, whoa! Your starting to scare me a bit."
"Sorry honey, I didn't really mean to do that. I was just worried that you'd misinterpret dad's suggestion. He thought that it would be easier for you to cope with your sexuality, if you were in a community that was more open to differences."
"What does that mean? Are we moving?"
"Not exactly," Mom paused to catch her train of thought. "He was thinking it would help you a lot if you spent some time with your Uncle Mike and Aunt Shellie."
"You mean, you guys want me to move to Colorado? I don't see how Colorado is any more open than any other state?"
"Well, Denver is a more metropolitan area and your aunt and uncle are a pretty loving and open couple. Did you know that your Aunt Shellie's younger brother is gay?"
"So I can guess that she can handle a gay person in her household, but you guys can't!"
"I'm really sorry that all of this information has caused you to feel that your not wanted in this house. Your dad and I are just worried that you won't be able to develop into the happy adult we want you to be, if you had to grow up here. You know that rural Arkansas is not the most open of places in the world."
"I guess I get your point. Have you guys talked to Uncle Mike yet?"
"Actually your father did a couple days ago."
"I see, it wasn't really my decision. Dad, like usual, pulled all of the strings and ultimately got his ways."
"We also talked about the possibility that you go back to school until we can make arrangements for your move."
"I don't want to go back to school and I haven't said yes to the whole move thing!"
"Well, you need to face everyone at school sooner or later. Do you want to be the bigger person in this situation? Do you want them to think that they got the best of you?"
"I guess not, when do I have to go back?
"Tomorrow?! I am not prepared to face them that soon!"
"You'll have to do it some time and I think sooner is always better than later."
"The sooner is better than later is just the librarian in you talking."
"You got that right, now I think that it is time for you to get some sleep because we have to get you back on schedule. Goodnight honey!"
"Good night...I guess."
Going back to school? That is the last thing that I wanted. How could I face everyone after coming out? The rest of the night I tossed and turned. I just could not go back to sleep. The demons in my head kept taunting me about the next day. At least with the lack of sleep I was able to seriously think about my possible move. Denver did not seem all that bad of places to live. I might even be able to enjoy my stay. Who knows! But, what about my family back here at home? Will I be forgotten?
This will end chapter three of my "life." Will my "friends" redeem themselves? Who knows...at least I don't?