This story involves gay fiction. I don't like writing bout sex, so you won't find it in here, I might suggest some of it, but no hardcore. This is basically the story of my life; there have been alterations in names places, and events. There is no sex blah, blah, blah. You know the rest. If you've gone this far, I can't stop you anymore.
IMPORTANT NOTE: The line in the story means change in narrator. The star line means a flash back. That's just to help read. Less confusion in I tell you ahead of time.
Kayden- By Ryan Keith
Chapter 4- Kayden's Past: Part 1
I've always hated hospitals. The smell, the clean walls, everything. I never really liked the way everything was so neat and clean in hospitals. Scares the shit out of me. Often made me think I was at some kind of laboratory where scientist would run all kinds of inhumane tests or whatever. When I was a kid, I was hospitalized for a few weeks. It was during one of the swimming practices a few years back. A couple of guys and I were fooling at the side of the pool. Playful pushing resulted in me falling into the water head first and grazing my head on the side wall. I ended up in the hospital for several days, not including a month worth of lectures from my coach and dad.
As I recall the memories of my childhood, those of the previous night still lay dormant in my mind. I wanted to know about the people who attacked me.
A full recovery was expected. Besides a few bruises on my chest, minor cuts, and stitches on my arm, I was ready to leave. Shin was as loud as usual. At first they were worried he may have suffered a concussion, but after a few tests, the docs agreed to release him as soon as possible. From what the nurse told me, he was being a loud pain in the ass. I could easily see Shin being that. He was extremely restless, and the order to stay in a bed would make him crazy. Scott was in the best condition out of all of us. He didn't have any bruises or scratches just a cut lip. He didn't even stay the night his parents picked him up.
I was really worried about what the parents of my friends would think. They all trusted my dad that everything was going to go smoothly, and they believed him. I was worried that they wouldn't see dad in the same light as they did before. My doubts were put aside when I was told otherwise. Apparently Scott's parents expected something like this to happen and were really upset with him. Scott's father was a really bad kid too when he was our age, so he wasn't too worried but his mom actually blamed Scott's father. She thought some of his lust for danger ran through their blood. Scott and his dad had a lot in common. His dad was one of those people in the 70's with afros and hippy clothing. Scott seem to think his parents were cool. They always treated me right, they were like an aunt and uncle to me.
Shin's parents were kinda mixed. Shin's mom was hysterical. She looked over her son from head to toe making sure he was okay. I think she did more damage to him than the people who attacked him. Shin's dad was really upset though. When they called him at home, he had assumed the worst. Shin is an only child so I can see why his father was upset. Dad told me he was on the verge of tears. I felt sorry for Shin. For a really easy going guy, disappointing his father was unacceptable. He tried to hard to satisfy his parents, and at times Shin neglected himself to do so.
Jett's family was by far most disruptive. His mom was ordering around the nurses who were to ensure we were taken care of properly.
Finally there was Kayden. No one came for him. In fact he had been discharged the night of the attack. After going to the hospital for his hand, he went downtown for questioning. He had injured his hand badly, but no loss of use was expected. There was no doubt going to be a permanent scar on his hand. It pained me to know that he had scarred his beautiful hand for me. There was so much I still didn't know, so much I wanted to know that dad didn't have answers to, so I wouldn't ask him.
The afternoon after the attack was too quiet. Shin had gone home, as had Scott. They wanted to see me, but I was asleep. Well they did see me, I just didn't see them. I haven't seen Jett or Kade since I woke up in the hospital.
Dad showed up around .
"Hey Zac, how you feeling kid?"
"Tired and annoyed. Can I switch rooms? This guy is killing me," I complained.
My dad glanced at the monstrous man who slept loudly undisturbed.
"No can do. You'll have to deal with it. You're going home in a few hours anyways. Doc just wants to make sure you're all right." It was then I noticed the large case my dad was carrying.
"You are my savior!" I cried and I stretched for the case.
"I don't see why it should be a problem," he said handing me the case, "didn't want my boy dying of boredom. Plus you got to practice anyways."
"Ah shut up," I grinned.
"I gotta jet anyways. I snuck out to give this to you. I'll pick you up in a few hours. I talked to the doc. He said you could 'rock the house'. Whatever that meant. Just be courteous to you little neighbor over there," he said indicating the snoring abomination.
"I'll try to be discrete," I joked.
"I know you will. And Zac..." he said silently, "we'll have to talk when you get home. Okay? Love you kid."
With that dad leant over and gave me a kiss on the head before getting up.
"Leaving so soon, Mr. Hunter? I thought I could interest you in a cup of tea or coffee", said a gorgeous nurse who stood by the doorway.
Dad gave me a pained look before turning around to greet her. I had to draw in all the will power I had to stifle my laugh.
"Yeah, just came by to see my kid. I'll have to decline your generous offer, I'm due back at the lab in twenty minutes. Please take care of Zac for me," dad said smoothly. The look on her face was unbearable.
"K-kid? I thought he was your brother!" She almost yelled.
Dad gave me a side look. I could see the little kid in him wanting to play around with this dumb broad.
"Yes. My son, by blood. The best thing to ever happen to me. And someone I'm proud of." Dad said casually. I couldn't help but grin.
He simply passed by her without giving her a second glance. The nurse stood kinda rigid and annoyed as she looked me over giving a dissatisfied sigh. As soon as she was gone I let out a laugh. It was too much to let by.
It suddenly occurred to me that dad never asked about what happen that night. Which was probably a good thing. I had a lot of thinking to do.
While I sat there staring out into the fading sun, I was interrupted by a sweet voice.
"Hey baby, how you doing?"
Before I looked, I already knew who it was. Only one person called me that. Well, she called everyone that. Ashley, one of Jett's sisters.
"Ashley, I didn't see you there." I smiled.
"Of course not!" she stated rather intensely, "You were in dreamland or some place. I've been here for a couple of minutes. You just looked so cute looking out the window. Like a painting or something."
I felt my cheeks flare. She was one of the few girls who knew how to make me blush.
"Aww how cute. Damn, if it wasn't for the age difference, the fact you're my brother's best friend, and my boyfriend, I think we would look great together." She joked.
My face felt like a wild fire. For a girl, Ashley was really hot. She was actually 3 years older than me, final year in high school. Yup, final year; there's an extra year for high school students called OAC or grade 13. She was probably the one responsible for teaching Jett his smooth moves. She's going out with the captain of the school swim team. The one I'm in. However he's of the senior division, I'm still a junior. He had helped me a lot in the past year, helping me with breathing techniques. A real cool guy.
"Yeah well, you're not my type." I stated playfully.
"Touché. So how do you feel? You comfortable?" She asked.
"Yeah I'm good. Thanks." She smiled and nervously looked around the room.
There was a brief silence between us.
"So," I started, "how's Jett doing."
She finally looked at me, her expression somewhat sad, "Not good"
She grabbed a chair and pulled up next to me.
"He's really killing himself. He's really upset with what happened. He's upset he wasn't there to help you guys. No matter what we told him, my mom, my sisters, your dad, his response is the same." She looked down at her hands, "He thinks he failed you as a friend." Ashley got up and walked to the window by my bed, "I know you guys got into a heated argument before the incident. He told me that much, but he won't tell me what you guys argued about." She turned and stared at me, meeting her gaze I looked down to the sheets I held securely in my hands.
"Not like it's any of my business. But I've never seen Jett like this. He usually is the secure type. He knows what he wants, he's decisive, and more or less he always has control of a situation. But the way he is now, it's painful to see him like that. My little bro is three times my size. He reminds me of our dad, broad shoulders, caring, and a kind heart." She smiled looking out the window reminding herself of the similarity Jett held with his father. "But today when I saw him, after he told me that you guys argued before you ran off, I can't describe it. He never holds out, but when he turned and walked away..." Ashley turned to me with her eyes staring steadily at me. She was holding back tears. "...his back seemed so small."
Ashley's words devastated me. I felt pain on my chest. It wasn't physical pain, just heaviness. "My little big bro is suffering. And I need to know, that you wouldn't hurt him intentionally. You're his best friend, you can easily crush him. Not with fists, but words. You're his rock. You have no mother, he has no father. He confides in you, and you can easily turn your back." She never broke her gaze, "I need to know you will never do that."
I wanted to tell her I would never do that to Jett. It's not like he only looks up to me. I look up to him. I needed him and his friendship. Words could not escape my mouth. Tears fell from my eyes, and I could not stop it. I clamped my eyes shut and looked away. I didn't want to let Ashley see me crying. Jett is my best friend. I would never wish any hardship upon him. Tears streamed down my face as I sat on the bed. Words still couldn't leave my lips. I tried to open them, but as I did more emotions flooded me.
I then felt arms envelop me. I opened my eyes to see Ashley leaning over to hold me. "Don't worry Zac. I understand. I know now you would never hurt him. I'm sorry for accusing you like that, for questioning your friendship. I'm really sorry. It's going to be alright, you guys will work it out. I can see you care about him as much as he cares about you."
I just reached out for her and help her tight. We stayed like this for a few minutes until I stopped crying. "Are you okay now?" she whispered.
I just nodded my head.
We released each other and she smiled at me. "I'm glad I understand now. I feel relieved. I leave next year for University. I was wondering how Jett was going to deal with it. With you as a friend, I don't have to worry any more. Thank Zac, for more reasons than one."
"Where is Jett?"
"He was up all night watching you. I made him go home to get some rest. You guys have plenty of time to patch things up. And I'm wishing you luck."
"Thanks." I smiled sheepishly.
"Anyways, I need to get to work, I'll see ya later hon," she said as she walked to the door. "Oh, and one other thing." She gave me a sharp look, "None of this leaves this room. I can't let Jett know about this. He hates it when I look out after him."
"You bet." I replied.
"Later, baby." And she left.
A kind, plump nurse came by and offered me some food. I always hated hospital food. I had it before and it wasn't a good experience. Plus you hear all these stories about the food coming out of a processing tube where all its contents are unknown. To my surprise, I was wrong. It wasn't that bad. I could actually live with it.
After my later lunch, I suddenly got bored, but quickly remembered the gift my father had brought me. I stared at the treasure in front of me, definitely something to keep my mind off of things for a few hours. I opened the case and pulled out my acoustic guitar. I stared at it for a moment before tuning it. When I was ready I cleared my voice. I started with my favorite song.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
`Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
`Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
"You have an amazing voice..."
The soft sound sent shivers down my back which circulated to my fingers. I had to stop playing.
"Don't stop keep going..." he gently said.
I gave a simple nod and started to play the chords again. This time without vocal. The sounds from my guitar filled the room as Kade slowly walked to the side of my bed and sat down.
I gave all the focus I had in the world to the chords I was playing. I don't know what to say, or what to do. Was the kiss last night an illusion, or was it real? Who was Kade? What is he hiding? A soft yet firm voice filled the air. It was low, barely audible, but I still made out the words.
And I don't want the world to see me
`Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I had to stop playing. My fingers were all stiff. I couldn't play anymore. Not under these conditions. I felt like Kade had something to say to me.
"Kade?" I began.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Wait! Why are you apologizing for? I should apologize. You hurt you're ha..."
"No!" He interjected, "It's my fault. I may have gotten you involved in something. It may have been better if we never met. I..."
"Stop it!" It was my turn to interrupt him, "What is this about? What are you involved in that's so bad?" This was going too fast. I wanted to stop talking. Stop talking before I said something wrong.
"It may be better that you not know. In fact, it may be best if you forgot everything. I'm going to transfer schools. That way you won't have to see me. That way you won't be hurt."
To say I was scared would be an understatement. I was terrified. Perhaps I didn't want to know. However what he said was unacceptable.
"Transfer Schools! Why?" I demanded. "Just because you got in a fight? Aren't you running away from your problems? Those guys are dealt with. I'll make sure they stay away from us. I'll get my dad to hire lawyers ..."
"It's no use." Kayden whispered staring down at me. He wasn't angry. He looked lost.
"What do you mean? I'll testify. Make those bastards..."
"They weren't caught." Kayden stated dryly.
"When I saw you pass out, I thought you were hurt bad. I was really worried about you. Those five weren't the only ones there. A few of their buddies soon came. Those first two I took down weren't hurt too bad. They escaped Zac."
This was bad. It was worse than
bad. "But... What did the police say? It doesn't make sense."
"You were passed out. Shin and Scott were gone. I told the cops that they ran off soon after I came. I told them I had hurt my hand fighting one of them. This is the story you have to stick with Zac. If the cops come to you, tell them you don't know anything. They were just a couple of punks looking for a fight." Kayden's eyes were sharp. They held no kindness. His cool icy blue eyes penetrated me, as if they ordered me to comply.
"W-what's with you all of a sudden?" I looked away, unable to look into those eyes.
"Zac..." he said gently. I felt a hand placed on my shoulder. I looked up at him relieved to see his kind eyes were back. "I'm sorry for scaring you... We'll try this again. I need you to tell the police you didn't see anything. It's more to protect you. If the punks are caught and you testify against them, bad things may happen."
Was he really doing it to protect me? "I don't get it." I told him, "So these people just came and left. They didn't fight you?"
This time Kade looked away.
"Kade...What did they say to you? Do you know them? Why were you in that part of Toronto?"
"It's better if you don't know. Just pretend like nothing happened. I'll be out of your way soon. I..."
"Pretend!" I shouted, "How can you expect me to pretend? We almost died yesterday! I care about my friends, and just because you're new doesn't make you an exception."
"You...you consider me a friend?" he questioned innocently. Kade was easy to get with, but that moment I realized he had no friends in our school. People chatted with him, but he never hung out with them. I probably was the closest person to him.
"Of course! I am a friend... I hope?" I asked.
"If you want..." he whispered.
"Yeah, I want. So you see, I really can't pretend that nothing is bothering my friend. Friends worry about each other, and true friends won't change because you told them something. I..."
I am such a fucking moron. Why the hell couldn't I see it? This situation resembled my argument with Jett. I'm such a hypocrite. Yesterday I was telling Jett to fake himself, and here I was telling Kade I couldn't pretend. The situation is similar, but I'm sure Kade is keeping a larger secret than I am.
"I'm sorry Kayden. I'm being stupid. You don't have to tell me. You're free to keep your secret. I'm real sorry man."
"No I was wrong. You're right, you are my friend. And I'm yours. You deserve to know. After that, you can decide if you still want to be my friend. I won't hold it against you. Okay?"
Now it was my turn to feel like shit. The boy of my dreams trusts me, someone he hardly knows. But me, I couldn't trust my best friend. I have to apologize to Jett. He needs to know. After he knows, he can decide if he wants to be my friend or not. Like Kade says, I can't hold him to anything.
"Before I tell you about those guys, you need to know something... I'm a runaway."
I can't believe I'm doing this. But then again, Zac deserves this. After all the hardship I cause him and his friends, he deserves to know. I'm not really keen on trusting people. There is a reason for that. But damn. Something about Zac, this presence he has over me. I can't get him out of my mind. Rick told me that I can't trust anyone but myself, but if I do find one person, to trust them with my heart, because they will only come around once. So if this is what I must do, then I'll do it.
"I ran away from home. I had
to leave my life. I hated it, and I hated the person I was. I was a pretty well
off kid. I had enough to make my way across
I sat by Zac's bed remembering the thoughts that ran through my head that day.
"Why did you run away from home?" Zac questioned.
My eyes turned from the past to focus on him. He sat like child. His legs were open beneath the sheets, and his hands folded between them. His face looked perfect. His mussed, unruly hair reinforced his boyish looks. Zac blinked, waiting for my response.
I blushed slightly, "That's...a secret" I countered.
"Aww not fair. Tell the whole story."
"That alone is a whole new story. I'll save it for another day."
"Fine. Be that way," he pouted, the same way children would do when they want to be stubborn. I simply smiled.
stepped off the bus onto the station's platform, I was in love. For the
previous five minutes, I had sat in the bus taking in the views of the city's
high buildings. I thought the trip from
No home and 10 bucks in my pocket.
I didn't want to use my money anymore. But I didn't want to walk either. So I
snuck onto a bus. Pretty crafty for a boy like me. I watched as the driver left his bus to get coffee or something. No one was watching so I jumped on and hid in the back. Plan went off without any trouble. Only thing was it went the wrong way. As I watched the scenery turn from buildings into farmland, I knew I went the wrong way. And for some stupid reason I got off. So I was stuck. With 10 bucks in my pocket. I wandered for an hour looking for someway to get a ride back, even if I had to use the money I had. No such luck. Instead I found a small house. From the outside, it looked normal. It was getting late. And there were no lights visible. So smart little me figured it would be cool to break in and crash there for a day. How lucky was I to find an unlatched window. I climbed in and checked out the house. It wasn't bad. In fact, it was gorgeous. Outside it didn't look so great, but inside was amazing. I made my way around the house coming into a room. It looked like a neat place. Everything was wood, and there was a warm cozy feeling. I looked around and noticed the moose head on the wall. The bookshelves along the wall. The picture frames along the fireplace. The light coming from the fireplace...
I quickly glanced around. No one was in the room. But the chair close to the fireplace had a blanket, and a folded open book. I began to step back into the hallway ready to jet. But I bumped into something, well someone.
"Why are you in my house?" said the voice in a low tone.
I jumped and spun around moving back into the room. It was a man. An old man. I panicked. If he calls the cops they'll figure out I ran away. I looked around for an alternative.
The window, I thought to myself. I can jump out of it. Sure, it'll cost the dude a few dollars but I can't be caught now.
I eyed some objects around the room. There was a lamp I could throw, and one of those fireplace sticks to move the logs around. Perfect.
I never needed them. The man calmly walked towards his chair and picked up his book. He sat down adjusting his glasses looking down on his book. For a minute I just stood there.
"Why not take a seat. No need to be all jumpy. It's nice to see a face once in a while." He then sat there and began reading his book.
I didn't move. What was I suppose to do. There was no other seat. This man must be real old. It was then I took in his appearance. He was old, but you could tell he took care of himself. He was at least 55. He had a beard and had some kind of superior air around him. He looked like a cross between Sean Connery and my grandpa. Except he was alive. He wasn't some weak old man, I could tell. Beneath that wool sweater he had a big chest. He had a fatherly appearance for such a old guy.
"Why do you just stand there, boy? Find a chair or ..." he finally looked up at me. His low level eyes suddenly sprung open. He just stared at me with his mouth slightly agape.
"Josh..." he whispered.
Josh? Whose that?
"Umm, sorry mister. My name's not Josh, you must have me confused with someone else."
It didn't seem like he heard me. He just stood up and slowly crept towards me. His eyes filling with tears. I was scared now. Why was this guy acting so freaky? He stopped. It was like he woke up from a dream. His eyes returned to their lower state, and he just stared at me.
"No. You can't be him. You look like him. Very similar, but you aren't him."
He walked back to his chair as I stood there stunned.
"Who?" I asked.
He sat down
and closed his eyes. A single tear sliding down his face.
I didn't know what to say. I just stood there looking down at this man. I felt sorry for what I had done. I glanced around the room and came across a picture. It was in a small frame above the fireplace. As I walked closer to it, I was overcome with shock. A boy. He looked like me, just much older. He looked to be 16 or so. He was sitting on a large rock smiling the brightest smile I've ever seen on a kid.
"Is this him?"
He opened his eyes, "Yes. He died about 10 years ago."
I continued to stare at the photo. I was mesmerized by how similar the boy in the photo looked like me. The man got up. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how to say it. How do you tell someone you're sorry that you look like their dead son? As he walked out he stopped and gripped the table nearby.
"Stay the night. There are spare rooms upstairs. Take anyone of them. If you're hungry there's some food in the fridge."
With that he was gone. I just stood still for another five minutes. Without thinking I put the frame down and went to the kitchen. I made myself a sandwich and walked up the stairs with my plate. I always ate sandwiches in my room. Mom and dad always let me.
I found a small room. Actually the only one with a bed. I knew which one the old man was in. His room was the one with double doors. This room was a kid's room. His son's.
I placed my plate down and looked around. I marveled at this boy's collection of books and model planes. One item stuck out: a picture frame that lay on the desk. It was a boy and his parents. I knew the man in the photo was the old man. Beside him was a really pretty woman, about her early thirties. The old man looked like he was at most forty. The three looked very happy. I suddenly didn't feel hungry. I placed the plate onto the nearby table and fell onto the bed. I felt like throwing up. I missed my mom and dad. But I couldn't go back, there was nothing to go back to. I fell asleep soaking this boy's bed with my tears of sorrow.
I woke up the next day to the sun shining into my eyes. I sat up and stared out the window. After a few moments I turned to the doorway surprised to see the old man leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.
"Josh use to wake up like that. Staring out at the sun. Are you sure you aren't him?" He asked smiling.
"I can't be. He would be older by now wouldn't he?" I said politely.
He smiled and nodded, "You're right. He would be."
"So...What now?" I questioned.
He looked up at me and grinned, "Why don't you tell me your name?"
man, I felt calm, just like I did around dad. "My name is Kayden."
"Is there a last name you go by, Kayden?"
"No...Not anymore. It's just Kayden." I said sadly.
"Well," he said pushing off the wall with his back, "My name is Erickson Pierce, but just call me Rick. I love to read mystery books, play golf and tennis, and taking long walks. My favorite foods are pizza and ice cream." He said is a low gentle tone.
I had to giggle at his originality.
"What's so funny?"
"Oh nothing. Nice way to introduce yourself. Funny, I love pizza and Ice Cream too." I replied.
"Great!" he exclaimed, "I like you already. I made some breakfast, come down and have some."
We had breakfast and I found out more about Rick. More about his family, actually. His wife and son were involved in a fatal car crash ten years ago. So five years he had lived alone and waited for his own death. It's weird, a man like this didn't seem like he was waiting for death.
"So tell me. What made you run away, Kade?" Interesting. This man even calls me by my pet name. Only dad called me Kade. I didn't want to answer him. I didn't want him to know. But then again he's just stranger. I'll probably be on the road again by mid-day. Might as well get it over with. I retold Rick of what happened back at home. The whole time he sat in his chair staring at me intently. He was like a father. When I was on the verge of tears he stood up and place his hand on my shoulder to offer his sympathy. He didn't look down on me or pity me: he was sad with me. After I had told him my story he sat back into his chair and looked at me.
Sniffling back the tears I had shed, I looked towards the table.
"Let's go for a walk." He simply said.
The air was too cold for the time of year. It was July. We had just walked out the door and began to step onto the dirt road.
"Son, nothing you say or do can replace what has been lost. I can't understand how you must feel, just like you can't understand how I feel." Rick spoke words of wisdom. I just walked by his side absorbing his words.
"Things happen for a reason. We aren't allowed to know the reason. My whole life I wondered what the reasons were for hardships. They did nothing for me but cause me pain. Yesterday was like every other day. I sat alone trying to fit a puzzle with no matching pieces. But I think I know why."
He stopped walking. I did as well. He looked down to me and smiled.
"The moment I saw you I was shocked to see a little boy who resembled my own son so closely. That night I dreamed of him. I also came to the realization that it was all part of a plan. It's far too much for it to be a coincidence that you happen to find your way here; that you happen to break into my house; that you happen to come to this house at a time I'm actually there. And so I know, everything was set up for this day."
I didn't know what to say. I was transfixed by his words. I knew what he was trying to say. But I didn't want to say it. I hoped with all my heart, that maybe, just maybe this man can offer me the comfort I had been searching for.
"My life has been a series of hardships. I lost my wife and son. You too lost precious people. There maybe something that the future holds for you. Perhaps it's my place to see that you get there. I am a parent without a son. You are a son without parents. I can never replace your parents, and you can't replace my son..." he said in a gentle voice. "But I think together we can discover the reason why these things in life happen. How about it? Wanna give it a shot?"
I couldn't speak. I was given a second chance.
"I'll take your tears as a sign of approval." He smiled.
I couldn't believe it. Kade was a runaway. Not just that, but up until now his life has been hard. I don't know what happened between him and his real parents, but in time I will know. Kade stared silently out the window.
"That's amazing. So you moved up here with Rick?"
He turned to me with a sad smile. "No, Rick died just before this summer." The story had just begun.
END OF CHAPTER 4
Wow, finally another chapter, right? Heh, sorry about that, my life is busy at Uni and I couldn't find time to write. I'm using all my free time now to write. Thanks for all though who have supported me. I know that my writing has some flaws, but like I said, this is my first attempt. Give me E-mail^^ Let me know there are readers out there. I love getting e-mail. If you have any questions, comments or concerns please forward them to me at Ryan_Kayden@yahoo.ca.
Copyright 2003 Ryan Keith