Kel's Journal

Entry 6: Honesty

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This story is a work of fiction copyrighted by Lastimer. Do not publish or reproduce on another site without author's permission.

Okay, time for the regular disclaimer: This is a story of mature themes (at some points at least). This may include some sexual acts. Be advised that if you're not 18 or older, (or whatever it is where you live), you shouldn't be reading. But if you defy this, it ain't my fault.

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Well, welcome to my first attempt at internet fiction. This is the main branch of this story, following Kel. There are future plans to expand this story to talk about other characters, but for now Kel is the narrator. This story really isn't designed to be an literary orgy, more a story of relationships, friends, and dreams. The chapters may seem a bit on the short side as of yet, but that's because I'm still new to actually writing down my story ideas. I'm open to any comments.

The place this story takes place is a fictional town in Central New Jersey. There will be references to other areas that happen to be real places.

If you are offended by the opinions expressed in this story, just remember they are those of the characters, and do not necessarily reflect those of their creator (ME).

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August 18

I think I've done it. I've found my guy. And it couldn't have come without the help of my friend. See what courage can folks? If I didn't decide to finally come out today, I wouldn't have found my ideal guy.

I came to blows on Sunday with Sarah on the issue.

Sarah came to me with a look of weariness in her face. "I'm sick of doing this!"

"Doing what?" I responded.

"Hiding your big secret. I love you Kel, but I can't stand the dishonesty around Mom and Dad. They're starting to question." I stared blankly toward that response. "They keep asking me, 'Why hasn't he had a girlfriend?' Or 'Is there a girl he likes?' Then I hear, 'Maybe he's just a late bloomer.' They are making a lot of different accusations now. Do you expect me to just always stay contently?"

"No. I couldn't do that to you."

"Seriously Kel. Drew needs to know, and so do Mom and Dad."

"I'm going to see Drew tomorrow. But telling the parents is completely different. Do I wait until I actually have a guy, or do I just tell them casually, or do I make a big spectacle?"

She just stared with anger. "I have no fucking clue. Figure it out for yourself." She then ran out the door and slammed it on the way.

"I remember how my sister did it," David said from behind me. Apparently, he had listened to the conversation while I didn't even realize he was there. "She brought the girlfriend home. I would avoid that one."

"Okay, but that still doesn't help. I don't have a boyfriend, after all."

"You just have to do something. Well, I'm gonna get something to eat. Want anything?"

"Nah. Have fun."'

As Dave left, I had come to the idea I wanted to use. I wanted to do it in writing form. I don't think I could get the words out just talking, so my most reliable form of communication.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Sometimes feelings are hidden from those they love. There's all sorts of reasons why, and it often so that we don't hurt them. We don't want to disappoint, to crush dreams, to be 'too different.' I'm writing this to you to tell you how I truly feel.

That fact is, I am attracted to guys. That's right, I'm gay. I've known this for a long time, and the only one else who knew about this is Sarah. You always love how open that the two of us are to each other, and this is one of our most bonded issues. She's been helping me, mainly to find the right boyfriend.

I know how hard this life can be. There's lots of people who hate gays. We all remember what happened to Mark Spencer, and it was lucky that he didn't have it worse. The thing that kept me from telling you was not knowing how you would react. I truly love you guys, and I don't want to see you not love me anymore.

Your son,

Kel

With that, I huge relief was lifted from my chest. I took the letter, folded it, and left it in the top drawer of my mom's desk. This way only her or dad is likely to find it. I wanted to be more upfront with Drew, so I called him and told him I wanted to talk to him about something very important. He told me to come over, and invited me to dinner.

I got Sarah to drive me over to Drew's house. His family definitely moved in up class, especially when you compare this place to his other house. He lived in the same neighborhood of my sister's now ex-boyfriend (Hallelujah!), but he was very down-to-earth. His dad was a big time lawyer, but both Drew's parents come from very blue collar roots, and it keeps everyone in their family grounded. They're also very funny, probably the most well-known trait of my partner in crime.

I rang the doorbell, which his mom answer. I see a lot of Drew in his mom. Her dark hair, tall and slender looks (though Drew is still a little on the lanky side), and just a general feeling that tells you that they're of the same gene pool.

"Hi Mrs. Turner."

"Hello, Kel. Drew's up in his room."

I walked through their palace of a house to the stairs into the basement. He was given the gigantic downstairs, so they wouldn't have to sound of his music or anything, especially since it was so far of from the rest of the house.

"Well Kel. How's it goin'?"

"Fine. I just really needed to talk."

"All right, shoot."

"It's not that simple."

"What's this about, Kel?"

"Well, we've been friends for a long time, and-"

"Spit it out already! It's not like you're telling me you're gay or something."

I just stood there, with a dumbfounded look on my face. A long pause existed before he finally got the courage to speak up again.

"Is that what you came to tell me?"

"Um... yes."

"Okay. Was that so hard?"

"What no problems with that? That fact I've hidden this from you for years, only telling Sarah?"

"Well, everything except the telling Sarah part. Why the hell did you not tell me sooner?"

"Because. You're my only real outside-the-family friend. Well, were, now I also have Billie, but, I didn't want to lose my best friend."

"It'll take a lot more than that to lose my friendship. Besides, I'd always figured anyway."

"Come again?"

"The least you can do is knock of the puns, Kel. Get it? "Cum again?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get on with it."

"Well, the way you've been disinterested in any of the girls we've been around lately. Also, I heard you and Sarah talking about Mark at the picnic. What I heard was pretty much an indicator that you had more up your sleeve than just 'being nice' to him. And..."

"And what?"

"Your computer. I looked. You suck at hiding your digital material, Kel. A few hundred pictures of naked guys are a pretty good indicator. You might as well have just had one of them on your wallpaper. If you hope to hide this from your family..."

"I'm not hiding it. I wrote something to my parents that told them. I just couldn't come clean in person to them."

"I realize that. So, you got a boyfriend yet?"

"What are you saying?" It was Drew's mom, coming down the stairs with some snacks for us. Somehow, he was able to stay thin despite her constant throwing of food at him.

I had to answer, since I had a good excuse. "We've been helping Sarah look for a new boyfriend, so we're just in a strategy meeting."

"Okay. Have fun boys." As quickly as she came in, she went out.

Both of us let out a huge sigh of relief. I said, "that was a close one. You have to be more careful! Good thing I had a good answer."

"Sorry Kel. Well, do you?"

"Nope. That's been my mission for a while. I wanted to know if Mark knew anyone, but I couldn't get anything out of him."

"So, are you 'open' with this."

"Only to an exclusive few. Meanwhile, I'm looking for someone who's like me. I don't want to go out with someone whose known at this point. That will instantly put me into the fag category."

"Okay. I've got your back anyway. I though you don't care what people think of you?"

"Yeah. Unless that turns into physical pain."

"If anyone jumps you, I will become the Straight Crusader!" He jumped onto his bed and posed like a superhero. "Keeping the schools safe for kids with 'alternative lifestyles'!"

"Funny."

"Don't worry. I'll help you in your little task. Do you want me to go undercover?"

"Just be careful for your own safety. The 'Straight Crusader' can't save himself, you know."

"Okay."

After dinner at his house, we went back to my house to have a true strategy meeting. This way we could join Sarah to help out.

"So Sarah," Drew said, "I heard you're looking for a boyfriend. You know," he said as he put his head on her shoulder, "I could also be good. After all, your family already likes me. And to be honest, I think you're brother has something for me." That comment made everyone, myself included, bust out laughing. We all know that I don't have any feeling for Drew, and I would never truly jeopardize my friendship.

"I'll put you in the 'maybe' file," Sarah said while slightly creeped out. "So far, nothing is going for either of us."

"We have to remember sis," I said optimistically, "it's still summer. Once we're in school, we'll be seeing people on a much more regular basis."

I heard my dad call, "Kel! Come down here now! We've got to talk to you alone." Either I'm in trouble, or they found my letter, or both.

I went downstairs to the den. My parents were sitting there on the couch. My mom with letter in hand.

"Hi guys."

"Hi sweetie," my mom said. "Come, sit down."

They really went all out on this. They even had drinks out on the table. I sat down across from my parents.

"Son," my dad said, "we just want to reiterate that we love you, unconditionally."

"We read your letter hon. We thank you for being honest, but we wish you could have told us sooner."

"I don't know Mom. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Disappoint us, son?" My dad questioned, "What would ever make you think that?"

"I don't know Dad. You know how it is when you're different. You never know how someone will react, even if they truly care about you."

"Kel," my dad said, "Don't worry about anything like that. We care for you. Gay or straight. It may not be what we expected, but it's what you are. You can't change that."

"You always know that we'll be there for you. Come to us if you ever need anything." My mom gave me a smile as she took a sip from her water.

"Okay Mom." I stood up to give my parents a big hug.

As this was happening, Drew came down the stairs. "I hate to break up the 7^th Heaven moment folks, but I really need to see Kel."

"Sure. Just a minute Drew." Drew went up stairs. Mom asked me frankly, "So is Drew, you know?"

"Hell no!"

"Kel! You don't curse at your mother!"

"Sorry Dad. Anyway, he's not anything but my best friend."

My dad then said, "Okay. Go upstairs."

Back upstairs, I began talking to Drew again. He remembered seeing some guy checking him out a few days ago at the supermarket. It was one of the bag boys. He couldn't remember much about the guy, except he was about our age. Supposedly, he's cute, although Drew wasn't really seriously considering.

Next day comes along and I volunteer to buy groceries at the supermarket. Drew came with me, since he knew who I was looking for. We went and got what my mom need, then headed for the checkout line.

"So Drew." I looked at him, "was it anyone of these guys?"

"Yeah. That one over there." He pointed to a looker all right. He was a nice height, somewhere around me, and seem to have a good build in the uniform. He had nice short black hair, and a cute round face with freckles. I looked on his name tag. His name is Evan.

So I got into Evan's line to try and gauge some interest. He looked over at us today, but quickly turned as I started to look. I needed something to get his attention, so I gave him my mom's patented 'rules of packing' that she just has to tell every bag boy she has ever had. I tried to focus on his eyes, but he wasn't really looking too much.

"Hi." I tried just about anything. If I'm using hi on a bag boy, I'm pretty desperate.

"Hi," he responded back.

By this time though, all my stuff was done. So I just left with a "have a nice day."

"What the hell just happened?" Drew asked outside the store. "I thought you were going to talk to him."

"I know."

"So what are we going to do now?"

"Well, hopefully next time I'll be better about it. I've got a plan."

"What's your plan?"

"Well Drew, I'm going to get some ice cream next time. I'll try to start a conversation on that."

"Ice Cream? You're kidding me right?"

"Remember, I'm starting at the sweet shop next week."

"Well, whatever floats your boat, bud."

So the first attempt at catching Evan failed. But I'll be ready for next time, no doubt.

I came home dejected, with a sad look on my face. My mom was in the kitchen, waiting for the groceries.

"What's with the long face baby?"

"Nothing Mom."

"C'mon! You can tell me. Besides, I can just squeeze it out of Sarah later."

"Fine. There's this really cute bag boy at the store-"

"A ha! That's why you wanted to make the trip."

"Yeah. Anyway, his name's Evan, and I really think he's my type."

"Evan? Oh, he's a sweetheart. He bags everything just perfectly." Leave it to my mom make me telling my pursuit into a recommendation for a bag boy position. "I think he's a really nice boy. I was going to try to fix him up with Sarah after she dumped that Greg, but if he's really, you know..."

"Stop right there. I don't know for sure if he's gay, but supposedly he gave Drew signals."

"And how is that any indication?"

"Come on Mom. This is Drew we're talking about, not Brad Pitt. If a guy is checking him out, he must be interested in guys."

"Well, if you think so. I'd invite him to the sweet shop when you start there. When do you start?"

"Friday."

"Okay. Go to the market tomorrow, then ask him."

One other note: I quit the job at the camp. Because David moved into our house (albeit temporarily) and all the recent happenings, I choose to stop working there. They were disappointed, but let me go. This was also helpful because I can start at the shop with my sister sooner. The first day is on Friday.

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This has been a pleasure writing this chapter. What plans are in store for Kel in his pursuit of Evan? Keep reading!

Please tell me what you think. E-mail me at lastimer@hotmail.com for any comments or suggestions.