Kel's Journal

Entry 9: In the Woods

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This story is a work of fiction copyrighted by Lastimer. Do not publish or reproduce on another site without author's permission.

Okay, time for the regular disclaimer: This is a story of mature themes (at some points at least). This may include some sexual acts. Be advised that if you're not 18 or older, (or whatever it is where you live), you shouldn't be reading. But if you defy this, it ain't my fault.

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Well, welcome to my first attempt at internet fiction. This is the main branch of this story, following Kel. There are future plans to expand this story to talk about other characters, but for now Kel is the narrator. This story really isn't designed to be an literary orgy, more a story of relationships, friends, and dreams. The chapters may seem a bit on the short side as of yet, but that's because I'm still new to actually writing down my story ideas. I'm open to any comments.

The place this story takes place is a fictional town in Central New Jersey. There will be references to other areas that happen to be real places.

If you are offended by the opinions expressed in this story, just remember they are those of the characters, and do not necessarily reflect those of their creator (ME).

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August 29

Well, we just got back from the Poconos today. I forgot to bring you with me, so I've got a lot to cover over the last week's action.

First off, the situation with Billie. Last time we left my dear friend, she just found out I'm gay, and she didn't take it all that well. I have only spoken to her at all in the last few minutes, the first time since our last tumultuous meeting. But I did have some contact with her. The day before we left, she left me a note in the mailbox.

Dearest Kel,

I would like to apologize for my conduct at the party yesterday. To be honest, I was incredibly shocked to find out your orientation. You're cute, funny, and get along with people so well, I was always wondering why you didn't have a girlfriend. Maybe it was just shyness, but I was really excited that I could have a chance. Oh well.

But the fact I wanted to date you is not why I got mad. I have grown up in a REALLY conservative church, one that is really heavily against gays. According to my minister, you are living a life of total sin and bound for hell. Now I am a very spiritual person, and I hold my values very sacred. My mom was religious, and in her death I found myself looking more towards my religion for answers. My dad is still that way. He will definitely not approve of me being friends with you.

As much as I am told you are evil, I KNOW you're not. How can God create an evil creature that's as kind to others as you are? It doesn't matter who you associate with, I don't ever see any problems between you and anyone, save your family. I am questioning that one little set of beliefs at this moment. I WANT to be your friend, no matter what you are. Just as long as you stay the nice guy I met running in the park. If you can live escaping the other evils I've heard gays are associated with, like promiscuous sex or drug use, you'll always have a place in my heart. Besides, if you ever want to switch teams, you'll know I'm the girl for ya!

XOXO,

Billie

I started to cry. She still wants to be my friend. What a great moment! Well if there was anything to make me feel better about my trip, that's the one.

So we got ourselves packed up and ready to go. It was me, Sarah, the twins, Dave, and my mom all piled in our family's minivan going up to the Pennsylvania mountains. I really want to go on a soul searching trip while I'm there. I brought some camping gear, just so I could possibly convince my mom to do some solo camping. Not bloody likely, but it's worth a try.

I even heard my brother Colin might even show up. He's coming in from Phoenix, where he works a club pro at a golf course. He wants a vacation, preferably somewhere a bit cooler. Ironic, since most of us go on vacation to warmer pastures. But he's the type who'd go to Alaska in the winter, not Florida. Always up for the ironic vacation. Colin's just an older version of me, except that he's a VERY straight. I was actually the one who caught him having sex for the first time. I was seven, him sixteen, and I wanted him to play a game with me. Anyway, I walked into his room in the way only young children do to find him in bed with some girl, completely naked. I left to tell my parents and before he knew it, he was caught in the act. Still haven't ever told him it was me who ratted on him, though I really didn't know better. But anyway, he's a straight version of me. We even look so incredibly similar, you can easily tell we're related..

The place that Dave's folks rented was really cool. Not too big, but big enough to be inhabited by our family. Discovering a house is always the most fun. I mean, the best episode on the Real World is always the first one, when everyone is running around the house saying how cool it is. Eventually, all the little things that make it cool end up seeming weird and boring by the end of the season, but then there's always next season, right?

Anyway, back to the story...

"Do we get our own room?" Kristie asked my mom.

"There's only two bedrooms. So I guess the girls could have them. Kel and I could stay in the living room." David answered.

My mom interjected, "So that means that you're rooming with Sarah, girls."

"Aw man!" The other little hellcat, I mean, Laura complained. "She's no fun."

"Girls! Don't complain! In a couple of days, we'll all be back in school."

With that, everyone let out a complete sigh. As soon as us boys got the stuff in the doors, we went running through the house, looking at the place. It would be cramped, but I didn't mind sharing space with Dave or even my brother.

"WHAT!" I heard Sarah scream. "Where the hell are the other TV's?"

"Sarah Rose Hutchinson!" My mom yelled. "You don't use that kind of language. It's unbecoming of a lady, especially around your little sisters."

"But isn't there another TV? Great. All I'll be watching is Nickelodeon and ESPN all week."

"This is a vacation, not our house. You're not here to watch TV, you're here to relax. And don't complain. When I was young, we only had one TV in the house. We only got a second set when your Uncle Henry bought an 8" set for his room. And I could only use it when he wasn't there. And maybe we could bond as a family."

"But Dad's not here." I responded.

"I know, Kel. But I've really felt detached from you kids lately. You are always doing stuff with your father, but we really don't share that much. You too Sarah. It's been a long time since we've really been able to be together. You two are growing up so fast, and soon I'll just have the twins left. I've already had two baby boys fly from the nest, and you two will be spreading your wings soon enough." That when she started to develop tears in her eyes.

"Mom," I responded, "We'll always be there." I then look at her again. "Besides, you've got a lot of cool stuff to teach me when we hike tomorrow."

"Good. Everyone, we're hiking tomorrow. We'll leave real early, and packing a picnic lunch."

Everyone starting complaining, except me. "Come on Mom!" Sarah complained. "You know I hate walking. Can't I just go out to the lake or something?"

"You know Ruth," David added, "There's a cool place where you can get kayaks and stuff like that. Can Sarah and I take the girls to the lake?"

"I know you're seventeen Sar, but I don't know."

"Wouldn't you rather us not be there bothering you? You and Kel could go much further, and get more in depth into the lessons. Come on, Mrs. Hutchinson!"

"Fine David. You and Sarah must keep a short leash on the twins. I remember that fiasco when Sarah babysat for them and ended up in the mall. She was shopping at the Gap, and I was getting a call that my daughters were picked up for disturbing the peace playing in the fountain."

Sarah blushed. "Come on Mom! That was two years ago!"

"And you were on a different level than your sisters! You're not all that responsible with them."

"I've matured since then. I can handle them."

The next day Mom and I went out to the hiking trails to check out some of the habitat. She was really interested to show me the whole environment in its natural state. We chose a relatively unused trail so we would get a better view at everything. The way my mom talked, I could see that this was her true environment.

"Hey Mom."

"Yes, Kelly Belly?" That's her little nickname she use to call me when I was little. I was kinda chubby, and she would always tickle me on my stomach. She only uses it now when absolutely no one else can here her, since I find it quite embarrassing. In fact, I felt a bit red about this mention.

"Mom! Don't call me that! Anyway, how did you get to like the outdoors?"

"My grandparents had a place in the Catskills, and I used to go traversing through the woods. I fell in love with it. That's why I became a ranger. I loved talking about it, and my favorite job was talking to kids on field trips."

"Why did you quit?"

"When I got pregnant with Paul (my oldest brother), I was so weakened that I could barely move. I had a hard time with that pregnancy, especially with all the medical problems he had. I devoted my time to be a full-time mom for a while. Then Colin was born, and I got the itch to work again a year after he was born. With raising two young children, I couldn't go back to the park. The hours were really inconsistent, and we needed a more steady paycheck. Before they were born, I was full-time. But they would only take me back part-time, so I would only have worked for three or four months. I needed more than that. That's why I got my teaching degree. I could teach what I knew about science in a bit more conventional way. To be honest, I would rather be doing this: teaching kids like I'm teaching you."

"So why don't you go back?"

"I'm too old. This hike will be killing me tomorrow."

"Well, just look out for something a little less strenuous. I'm sure there's something out there."

"You're right Kel, but I'm not really sure. I know they say you can do whatever you put your mind to, but that's really how you look at it. If you're your age, then maybe it's true. But when your forty five, have six kids, have two going to college in three years, and real adult responsibilities, you can't just change careers like that. Too many people are depending on you for their survival. Maybe when you're a parent..." Then she stopped her self, and started to look upset.

"Mom?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I forgot about you. Being the way you are-"

"What gay? I feel like you still have a problem with it."

"Kel, there's no way I could have a problem with it. I love you unconditionally. There nothing short of killing your father or your siblings that could change that. I'm just still trying to adjust to my baby boy being different. But I don't have any qualms. You're special. Paul and Colin are going to spend their lives trying to find a way to make themselves noticeable, not just another face in the crowd. Your sisters too. But you've got a gift. You instantly are different from the other people in this world. Others may not like that, but fuck them and realize that if you find it in your heart that much to hate, then why even love?"

Man, when did my mother turn into a motivational speaker? But that's what an eternal optimistic is able to do well. Kinda weird to hear her curse though. We get yelled at for saying hell, and she goes as says fuck so casually that it almost seems hypocritical.

"I'm in an awkward stage and it's really difficult to even gauge all my emotions at this point. I'm new to this whole experience. I don't have a base, Kel. At least with your brothers' problems or even anything with Sarah, I can talk to my mother. But I don't have any gay relatives. There's no one I know."

"I'll go on the Internet when we get back, and maybe find a support group or something."

"That won't work. Remember when I did that with your father?"

"I remember."

I remember fully well what happened. My dad had a really bad drinking problem when I was younger. Almost tore the family in half. My mom was sometimes hit and stuff, but luckily he never hit us kids. Mom always told me that would have been the last straw. Fortunately, he's been better for five years now. I was just about old enough to understand what was going on. It hardened me a bit. He wasn't really able to be the greatest father, but he's made up for it so much since then. I could not even imagine if I could have come out if he was still drinking. That's why my parents are so adamant about us not drinking. They hated the monster Dad become, and they didn't want it to change any of us either.

As Thursday rolled around we were awaiting the arrival of my brother and father. Dad got a day off for Friday, so they would be coming that evening This will be the first non-Thanksgiving or Christmas visit that my brother has made in a long time. Not that he doesn't like his family, but he is consumed in his job. As I found out, Colin was still in the dark about my sexuality. Mom loves to tell people stuff, but she realized this is like an embarrassing story or anything. I could really be hurt if she just blabbed it to the world.

They finally show up at 7 o'clock. I was so happy to see Colin. As I said before, we look so much alike. He's just a few inches, but he was the same height as me at my age. He even has the same gray eyes. We can't explain it, since no one else in either family has them. My mom has always call me the easiest child to raise, just because she already did the job before.

"Come here, Copycat!" My brother yelled to me. He's always called me Copycat since I was little. We all realize the similarities.

"Hi Colin. How was the flight?"

"Not bad. Cross-country flights are always a bitch, but at least the food was edible."

"Colin Joseph!" My mother snapped. "Watch the language." Funny, ever since my mom said 'Fuck them.'

"Sorry. Haven't spent much time around kids lately." He again looks to me, "So what's up, Kel?"

"Not much. Got a job with Sarah, we got a car."

"Seems like more than you're putting on. Say, let's head outside so we can talk like adults, swear up a storm away from the wee ones."

I led Colin out to the cabin's balcony, where we could have a private conversation.

"So tell me about the car. Paul and I shared a car that Mom and Dad bought us-"

"THEY bought it? We had to buy the car by ourselves."

He smirked, "Well they probably didn't tell you how we totaled the car on a joyride. But that's in the past. I want a description."

"Black Hyundai. Sunroof. Tan Leather Interior. Thirteen Grand. We had a down payment of five grand."

"You two really saved up. I guess you make good money at the ice cream place."

"How did you know?"

"Mom always told me about Sarah getting a job there last year. Naturally when you said you got one, I assumed with her. I did the same thing with Paul. Followed him to the country club for a job. I took to caddying. The first step to my current career. Of course, Mom's always telling me to do something else with my life." He turned to impersonating Mom, "You know, Colin, you won't always be able to golf. You should do something better."

"I wish she'd get off my back sometimes."

"We know Mom's an optimist. Unfortunately, she lets it get the best of her. She won't be happy with Paul being a lawyer until he is a Supreme Court Justice or something. She wants the best, like all parents. But when we aren't that way, she's disappointed."

"Agreed. What's it like in Phoenix?"

"Hot. But I like it. The courses are great, and I work at a great place. I mostly work with young kids, and they're a lot easier. Less set in there ways."

"Cool. So how's Sam? When is she coming around?" I have never seen his girlfriend before, but from how he described her, she's quite a catch.

"Well, we broke up. You got anyone special?"

"No, not yet."

"Don't worry about it. I didn't have a girlfriend just about your age. And since you're a copycat, it'll be in no time that you're hooking up. Besides, the summer's a hard time to meet people. Once your in school though, you'll have a cornucopia of choices.

"If you say so. Let's just take in the view for a while." I was definitely uncomfortable talking about girls, but I had it not evident around Colin. The less we talk about it, the less I have to lie to him. And the more danger I'm in if I slip.

Fortunately, Colin didn't really interrogate me that night. He rather decided to ask Dave about himself. He had been told about David, but not much on the details. I did tell him about meeting Billie, probably my favorite thing this summer. Obviously, I avoided talking about that fateful night a few days before.

Nothing really big came about on the weekend. I spent a lot of time with Colin, and with my parents. I would recommend actually spending time with your parents on a vacation. They open up a lot more when they're out of their normal environment. Sarah and Dave really weren't in the picture, since they really didn't enjoy a lot of the same things as me, my "twin", or my parents.

Sunday came along and it was time to leave and head back to Buckdale. We only had a week left of vacation, and I wanted to get back on speaking terms with Billie. I couldn't stand not talking to her.

Just as soon as we got back, I had to call her. I felt it was a bit more urgent than getting in touch with Drew, just for the fact that she had avoided me in the recent week.

"Morrow Residence." It was her dad. I hope she didn't tell him. If her letter's true, than I wouldn't get a chance to talk to her.

"Yes. This is Kel Hutchinson. Could I please speak to Billie?"

"Son? You know its 9 o'clock? It's a little late for-"

"Please let me talk to her. It's really important. I just got back from a trip."

"Why don't you call her back on her line? I'll give you the number. This way you can avoid my lectures."

So I tried her on her line. "Billie? It's Kel."

"Hi Kel. How's everything?"

"Good. Listen Billie. With school starting soon and everything, I really needed to clear the air. I'm really sorry I didn't make it clear earlier."

"No, I'm sorry for being so upset. You probably told me at a better time. If you had told me much sooner, I probably wouldn't have gotten to know you. If you ask me, you're a good symbol. You're not the stereotypical gay guy that I've been told of."

"Good. I couldn't stand what happened."

"Me neither. Now let us never speak of it again, under penalty of torture."

I started laughing. She had good timing. "Say, what classes are you taking?"

"The usual stuff. But I am taking Chorus as one of my electives. I've got a good voice."

"Great. We'll have at least one class together."

"You sing too?"

"Yup."

"Hopefully there will be more classes together. Why don't we talk about this stuff in a week? Just think about school makes me sick."

"Agreed. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right between us. And Billie?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't plan to bat for the other team anytime soon, if you know what I mean."

"All right. Good night Kel."

"See ya later, Billie."

I'm happy to have gotten that out of the way. I would really feel uncomfortable being around her if we didn't talk about it. But anyway, structure is returning to my life sooner than I want it to. Let's just hope the school year yields better prospects.

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Good! Billie and Kel are back to speaking! But how will school turn out for Kel? What happens if anyone finds out? Will there be anyone to back him up? Read on to find out.

This chapter was considerably longer than most. And it took the longest to prepare. I don't know how long it will take for the next chapter. I haven't had many opportunities to write, so I'm starting to get behind. Normally, I'm a chapter or two ahead of the readers. But loyal readers should just check what's new to see if I have gotten to Chapter 10.

If you want to reach me, just e-mail at lastimer@hotmail.com . I really appreciate feedback. It's even made writing a lot more fun, knowing that people are actually reading.