concerns teenage gay males who are
involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for you to read such
or if you do not like to read such stories, please leave now.
This story is copyright 2006 by the author who retains all rights.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
This is my second submission to Nifty. This is a continuation of “Kiel’s Story” which was last posted on 7/24/06. It is not necessary to read “Kiel’s Story” to enjoy this, but it may help you understand where the character relationships started. Any comments or questions are welcome at: firstname.lastname@example.org
A warm thank you goes out to all who’ve written. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff. I try to respond to all, including flames, but time is precious in my life, so if I didn’t answer yours, please accept my apology.
by Carl Holiday
Chapter 7 – Dear Diary
Don’t you just hate the sound of that? “Dear Diary” sounds so maudlin, trite. The great cliché. Well, Diary, you’re getting renamed. From this day forward you shall be called Jeff, after my boyfriend who spells his name differently, but I want you with a J so as to distinguish you from him, if that makes any sense.
I have been writing to you for three years, but all of those diaries are gone. And, this isn’t Nov. 16, 1964. Today is three or four weeks later, I’m not sure exactly what the date is, though.
I’m writing this today because today is a transition day for me. I’m getting a new life. I’m going to be someone other than Timothy Chambers. I don’t know what my name will be, but it will not be Timothy Chambers, anymore.
Also, this day, Nov. 16, 1964, was a day I’ll never forget because it is on this day my life changed forever.
As you know Jeff, my parents were in the sex business. In the words of Dad, “We sell titillation. We sell all things erotic.” They also bought movies from some of the seediest people on the Earth, especially two guys from the East Coast who made kiddie porn, movies where the oldest star usually wasn’t over twelve, snuff flicks, movies where the death scene isn’t faked, and for those few who enjoy titillation beyond description, kiddie snuff flicks.
These men scammed my parents into borrowing a lot of money, so much money Dad was forced to part with something dear to his heart, me, to save something dearer to his heart, everyone else in the family. I was sold into damnation so to speak, so that my parents would continue to enjoy the fruits of the harvest. I was to be a movie star and entertainer until I achieved the ultimate in slime porn, the star in a kiddie snuff flick.
Only, I was saved. On this day, the day Dad was to take me to a private airplane that was to fly me away I told my boyfriend, Geoff Johnson, I was going away and I would never see him again. I gave him my model Corsair, the plane my Uncle Jerry flew in WWII. He called Uncle Jerry who, in turn, called some people he knew. They called people they knew.
When Dad pulled out of our driveway on to Mallard Lake Boulevard, there was a car parked a block away that pulled into traffic a few cars behind us. I don’t think Dad was aware they were following us. Dad’s a lousy driver and all his attention is focused on the road ahead. I know he didn’t see they had walkie-talkies. Soon there was a car in front of us and then another along side of us. We were out near Lake Ronald on an empty stretch of Ballinger Park Way when the other cars slowed down until they forced Dad to stop.
They had people guns. You know, guns whose sole purpose is to shoot people. They pointed some at Dad and pulled me out of the car and forced me into another car that pulled up. I looked back at him as the car drove away. He looked very scared. Then someone in the car said, “Don’t worry, they’re not going to shoot him.”
Maybe they should have because both of my parents were killed by two contract murderers looking for me. They killed both my older brothers, too. I don’t think they knew about my sister, so I don’t know if they killed her.
They almost killed my boyfriend Geoff trying to get him to tell them where I was. He didn’t know, but they tortured him almost to death. That was their trademark, torturing almost to death then leaving you to be found, so you would always remember what they did to you, sort of a forever torture.
After changing cars again, I was taken to a rural part of Washington State where I stayed with an old man and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I ran into a lot of people named Smith. I was with them for three weeks. Then a car came and took me east into the Rocky Mountains to a house in a snowy valley where I stayed with this family for only a week before another car took me away from them. It was night when I changed cars again. During that switch I saw Uncle Jerry. We sort of crossed paths, so to speak. He was being saved, too, but he was going somewhere else. He said that I’d probably never see him, my sister, or Geoff ever again.
The next morning I arrived at Lifeboat, Montana, and met my new family.
Dec. 25, 1964
It’s my first Christmas here in Lifeboat. Mom is in the kitchen baking cinnamon rolls for the church social next Sunday. Dad is in his office working on the feed store’s books. My brother, Donny, is sitting over at his desk playing solitaire. He is sixteen, too, and has a beat up ’54 Chevy pickup to drive to school. Nearly everyone around here has beat up pickups.
Donny and I share the upstairs bedroom. My twin bed is on the west side of the room and Donny’s is on the east side. Our window looks north toward a range of mountains that aren’t all that high because there are trees all the way to the top. The bedroom is split down the middle with Donny’s half looking exactly like mine. From the window wall there is the head of the bed with a nightstand and reading lamp, then a footlocker, a dresser, a desk and chair, and a wardrobe where we keep our hang-ups. Donny’s bed has a green and blue plaid bedspread. Mine has a blue and white quilt with farm scenes stitched in the squares.
This morning they exchanged presents, but because I’ve only been here a short time there wasn’t anything for me. I watched them for a while, but got really sad and went back up to the bedroom. I felt like crying, but I didn’t. Maybe a little tear, but my nose and eyes burned from holding back.
After a little while, Dad came up and sat down on my bed. He was smiling. He gave me an envelope. It was from my uncle whose name is now William Walker. He lives back east somewhere. There was an unsigned Christmas card with a short note from someone who was once close to me. I miss my sister very much. There was another Christmas card from Uncle William, but no note. Inside the card was a picture of my boyfriend, Geoff. I felt tears dribbling down my face. Dad put his arms around me and held me against him.
“I know it’s hard being here,” he said. “But, Lifeboat is your home now, Jimmy. You can keep the picture, but you’ll probably never see him again. Who was he?”
I didn’t want to say. These people go to church all the time and they pray at home all the time. They’re not overly religious with a lot of you can’ts and thou shalt nots, but they read the Bible a lot. I was afraid to say Geoff was my boyfriend.
Donny came into the room and sat down on the other side of me. Dad had his arm around me with his hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t stop looking at the picture of Geoff.
“Is he your boyfriend?” Donny asked.
I looked at Donny. I was scared. I felt Dad pull me towards him.
“I’m gay, too,” Donny whispered. “What’s his name?”
“Geoff with a G.”
“Is he the one they tortured?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, I loved him.”
“He’s cute,” Donny said.
“Normally, we wouldn’t let you keep that,” Dad said. “Here in Lifeboat we try to forget the past, but I think it’s okay to remember a lost love, for a little while.”
Lifeboat is a strange little town. It doesn’t exist on any map, but it’s really here. There’s a small school that serves the surrounding ranches and the few families here in town. It’s not a one room schoolhouse, but has classrooms like any other school. Except, all the grades are in the same building because there aren’t that many students. I guess some years they don’t have enough students interested in playing football to field a team and they normally play in the small school eight man league.
p.s. I’m sorry about the first pages, but Dad made me burn them. We can’t risk having someone find out who we really are. Everybody knows everybody in Lifeboat, but no one knows anyone’s past or why they were saved.
p.p.s. My new name is James Timothy Walker. Everyone calls me Jimmy.
Dec. 28, 1964
Donny has never had sex with another guy. We were talking about that last night as we lay in bed waiting for sleep to take us away to dreamland. He said he likes looking at guys, but is afraid to get involved because some of the farm boys around here aren’t as tolerant as you’d want. I know because I’ve met a couple of them down at the feed store where I help out on the days Donny doesn’t.
“Would you like to do stuff with me?” I asked.
“We can’t, we’re brothers,” he said.
“We’re not really brothers.”
“Yes, we are. You have to believe that. You have to.”
Brother or no brother, I went over to his bed and slipped under the covers next to him. It was cold in our bedroom, but Donny only had on his briefs. I put my hand on him, he was hard. I knew I was going to come if I did anything, but I wanted him to feel good, too.
“Don’t say anything,” I whispered. “We’re brothers and we’re just experimenting with sex. I just want you to know what it’s like. Okay?”
“Push your briefs down.”
He did and I put my mouth over him. He’s got a nice cock, long and not too thick. Kind of like Geoff’s but a couple inches longer. Geoff’s is a little on the short side. I put my hand on his balls and teased them with my fingers. The way Donny was moaning, I knew he wasn’t going to last. I tried to get more of him into my mouth, but he let go. I hadn’t noticed it before, but his hand was on me at the same time.
“I hardly touched you and you squirted your stuff,” Donny whispered.
“I’d have done it without you touching me.”
“No, I’ve got a shorter fuse than you, and you went quick.”
“I told you I’ve never done this before.”
“You boys better get some sleep,” Dad said loudly from downstairs. “It’s going to be busy down at the feed store tomorrow and I’ll need both of you.”
“Do you think he knows what we did?” I asked.
“It’s all right, they don’t care. Come on, we need to get to sleep. You don’t have to go back to your bed.”
I snuggled up against him and it was morning before we knew what hit us.
Dec. 31, 1964
Tonight, Donny is taking me out to one of the ranches for a New Years Eve party. I’m kind of nervous because, as they say, first impressions are lasting impressions and I don’t want to appear too gay. Donny says I’m being paranoid, but I’m afraid of the cowboys around here. They’re just too damned masculine. Of course, some of the boys are really cute in their jeans and Western shirts. There’s this one kid who comes in with his father who looks just like Brandon De Wilde in the movie Hud. You know I think he’s cute.
Yesterday, Dad took me for a ride in his pickup. We went up to the top of a little knoll on the west side of the valley. When we got up there I saw a man with a scoped hunting rifle slip behind a tree. I was going to ask Dad about the man, but he got to me first.
“Don’t worry about him,” he said, “you’ll probably never see him again.”
We got out and walked to the opposite side of the parking area. There was a good view of the entire valley. It was a good place to be if you wanted to watch everyone in the valley.
“This is Lifeboat,” Dad said. “I know you’re still getting used to being here and I know you still have a lot of memories from before, but, Jimmy, I want you to know all of this will be your home for the next few years, until you go to college.”
“Well, you’ve certainly impressed me,” I said.
“There’s another part to Lifeboat you must understand,” Dad said. He sounded as if this part was the most important part. “Lifeboat is really like a lifeboat. It’s like you were on a ship in the ocean and you fell overboard. For the first hour, or so, you watched the ship sail on without you. Then you were alone. After awhile you’d have begun to believe you were not going to be rescued. After a day, or so, if a shark hadn’t eaten you, you’d begin to believe you were going to die. Along about the time you finally decide to slip under the waves and die, a lifeboat comes along and saves you. Only, you can’t get back to your ship because it has sailed on. There’s no place for you on that ship. You have to live on the lifeboat and save other people who fall overboard. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I said. I didn’t tell him I didn’t want to live here forever. I had a boyfriend waiting for me. I had to believe Geoff was waiting for me. I had to get out of the lifeboat.
“Well, don’t let it trouble you,” Dad said. “We bring all the newcomers up here. It’s part of the tour. You’re going out the Dilmon ranch tonight with Donny, and, in reality, that’s part of the tour, too. They’re good people and not like most of the other ranchers around here. One of their boys is gay, so they kind of understand what you and Donny are going through.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Is Donny your real son? If it’s a Lifeboat secret, I’ll understand, but he doesn’t look anything like you or Mom.”
“You don’t either and we have a birth certificate that shows you as being our son.”
“Oh, in other words, what I used to be no longer exists.”
“That’s about as much as you need to know, right now.”
Secrets, that’s what this place lives on. You never know if you’re dealing with a real, regular person or someone saved by a lifeboat. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I was going to get out of this place.
Jan. 1, 1965
I had the best New Years Eve ever. The Dilmons were wonderful. If I could’ve chosen who to live with in Lifeboat, the Dilmons would’ve been my first choice. There’s so many of them. There had to be twenty kids out there and they are all “theirs” in the Lifeboat sense.
After a wonderful dinner of hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, cole slaw, and homemade fries, everybody went into this humongous family room where they had a stereo. They played mostly forty-fives from the Forties and Fifties, dance numbers that Mom and Pop Dilmon liked. Around ten it was time for the little ones to go to bed and there were a lot of long faces, but Mom Dilmon put on a seventy-eight Disney story that put most of the littlest kids right to sleep.
We just talked for about an hour—to let the little kids get to sleep—then Pop Dilmon put the dance records back on. All night they kept trying to get Donny to dance with me, but he wouldn’t do it.
“He’s my brother,” Donny kept saying. “I’m not going to dance with my brother.”
They’ve got him so brainwashed it was almost pathetic. I got the impression that Pop Dilmon is some sort of rebel with the Lifeboat organization. From what some of the kids were saying, he was all in favor of people going back to their old lives if it is safe for them to do so. I hope I get to see more of him because I’d like to think he might be an ally in my escape.
Most of the night I danced with Patty, she’s one of three sixteen year olds. She has dark hair that she keeps kinda short. “I ride horses, not bicycles,” she said as a reason for her hair. And, she has large breasts and a rather trim body. She’s only a little taller than me. On our first dance, she said, “Don’t think you can grope me ’cause I’ll slug you.” To which I said, “Keep them big things away from me, I’m gay.” By twelve-thirty, we were dancing all the slow numbers and getting real close. We kissed when Donny and I left. She said, “Too bad you’re gay, I’d like you to be my boyfriend.” To which I said, “I’m kinda sorry, too.”
When we got home Donny seemed kind of out of it. I wanted to talk, but he went right to bed. I got in my bed and turned onto my side facing away from him. Sometime later I felt him climb into my bed. He scooted up against me and I felt his erection against my leg. He put an arm down across my chest and held me tight as he began to hump my leg.
“I’m not asleep,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter, neither am I.”
And, he kept rubbing himself against me until he came. Then he went to sleep still holding me. I had a feeling he wanted to fuck me, but didn’t have the nerve to ask so he did what he did. What surprised me is I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even get hard. Donny was using me the way Stevie did.