This
story
concerns teenage gay males who are
involved in sexual situations. If it is illegal for you to read such
stories,
or if you do not like to read such stories, please leave now.
This story
is copyright 2006 by the author
who retains all rights.
This is a
work of fiction. Names,
characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author's
imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living
or dead, is entirely coincidental.
This
is my second submission to Nifty. This is a
continuation of “Kiel’s Story”
which was last posted on 7/24/06. It is not
necessary to read “Kiel’s Story”
to enjoy this, but it may help you
understand where the character relationships started. Any comments or
questions
are welcome at: carl_holiday@att.net
A warm
thank you goes out to all who’ve
written. I appreciate knowing someone is actually reading this stuff. I
try to
respond to all, including flames, but time is precious in my life, so
if I
didn’t answer yours, please accept my apology.
by Carl Holiday
Chapter 9 – Forgive Me
I
wanted to take both of them in my arms and hug the piss out of them,
but I
simply smiled. I couldn’t touch Mark, fearing a deep sadness might come
upon
me. Our love had budded, but the blossom died in his trepidation over
suddenly
becoming gay. I couldn’t risk being caught up in their mutual
happiness, only
to be filled with deep regret, again.
“It’s
beautiful,” I said. “It’s perfect.”
“Is
that all?” Mark asked. “I told Sam you’d be hugging and kissing both of
us.”
I
lost it, but not before handing Sam the Corsair. All of the unhappiness
I felt
over losing Mark suddenly came back as tears filled my eyes and I fell
onto my
bed blubbering like a little kid whose puppy died.
“I’ve
never seen someone so happy they cried,” Mark said. “I’ve seen it in
movies,
but I’ve never actually seen someone do it.”
“He’s
not happy,” Sam said as he lay down behind me and took me into his arms.
“I
don’t understand,” Mark said.
“Go
down to my room. I’ll be there in a little while.”
“But,
why is he crying?”
“He
misses you too much.”
“But,
I see him everyday at school and I’m here practically every afternoon.”
“Mark,
please, go away.”
I
could hear these words pass between them as I continued to cry
uncontrollably.
I wanted Mark so much, but I couldn’t have him. Losing love is one
thing, but
to have it practically thrown in your face every day was something I
wasn’t
able to handle. All of Mark’s rejection of our love came crashing down
upon
that new Corsair.
“But,
I don’t understand why he’s crying,” Mark said. I could hear him start
to lose
it, too. He knew why I was crying, but he couldn’t bring himself to
believe I
still loved him. Then he was gone.
“Damn
it,” Sam whispered, but he kept me in his embrace as the sadness ever
so slowly
began to fade away.
“Sam?
Do you need any help?” Doctor Randall asked. “Do I need to give him
something?
Mark’s down in my office crying his eyes out. What’s going on?”
“Are
you okay?” Sam whispered in my ear.
“Go
to him,” I said between gasps.
“What’s
wrong?” Doctor Randall asked as Sam got up.
“He
still loves Mark and Mark just figured it out,” Sam said. “You can have
Geoff,
I’ll take Mark. It’s my fault anyway.”
I
felt Doctor Randall sit down behind me and his hand rest upon my
shoulder. He
was suddenly in dad mode. He was getting better at this and I was
beginning
accept his new role in our screwed up little family. He was more of a
father
than my real dad who was too afraid of expressing love to his sons
lest, for
some obscure reason, they become homosexuals. I felt more love towards
Doctor
Randall than thought I ever could.
I
rolled onto my back and looked up into his eyes. He looked older than
when we
first met, more like a dad, I guess. He and mother had set a date for
their
wedding, a date when I wouldn’t be home. I was going to California to
spend three weeks with Uncle Walter and
when I
returned Doctor Randall was going to be my stepfather. I felt like
crying, but
I already was.
“Do
you want to tell me what’s going on?”
It
took more than a long moment for me to come back enough to answer his
question.
Finally, I said, “I never stopped loving Mark. It’s as simple as that.
Sam
stole his heart in an attempt to save him from being gay and now it’s
all come
crashing down upon us. Poor, dear, sweet Mark, he has too much
happening to him
right now.”
“He’s
a teenager. Shit happens when you’re a teen.”
“No
kidding, did you read that in a textbook?”
“No,
I was a teen myself one day. You may not believe this, but I was rather
cute
when I was your age.”
“Well,
you still have the body. It’s just your face that’s gone to hell.”
“And,
thank you very much. But, by the way, there was a boy at school who was
kind of
like you, in a way. He had the worst crush on me, but thought there was
no way
he could ever have me. I think it was winter break of our junior year
when our
destinies finally came together. I grew up in a small town in Upstate
New York,
north of Syracuse and it was the best place in the whole
world, or it
seemed so to me. It’d been snowing the night before and I was going
around the
neighborhood shoveling snow off of sidewalks and porches, just for
something to
do. I was that kind of kid, too good to know any better. I finally
worked my
way over a couple streets and was actually shoveling that kid’s
sidewalk. His
father came out and asked me, ‘What the hell are you doing? I ain’t
paying to
have my sidewalk cleaned when I’ve got a young, strapping boy in my
house.’
‘It’s free, sir,’ I said, ‘I just don’t have anything else to do.’
‘Well, you
stay right here. I’ll get you some help.’ Tommy was outside with his
snow
shovel before he knew what was happening. We worked practically the
whole day and
all we got was a bunch of thank yous, more hot chocolate than we could
ever
drink, and lots and lots of Christmas cookies. We ended up at my house
and he
kissed me.”
“He
kissed you?”
“Yeah,
and it wasn’t all that unexpected. I knew he’d been watching me. You
know watching
me. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know what that meant, but I
quickly found
out that afternoon.”
“Did
you guys do it?”
“No,
not that day. No, that didn’t happen until the following summer out at
the old
swimming hole. It was actually a small lake, but it was secluded on
this old
farm. Everyone in town knew it was there, but I guess it was a place
for kids
only, as if there was a sign at the start of the trail that said,
‘Warning:
Kids Only! Adults Not Welcome!’ It was hot and humid and we were
skinny-dipping, which, also, seemed to be a rule for the lake, if it
was just
guys, or if you were out there with your girlfriend. I still don’t know
how it
happened, but we came together somehow and I ended up on the receiving
end of
an incredibly horny teenage cock.”
“He
fucked you?”
“Yeah,
without lube, just spit, but we went slow; or, as slow as two randy
teens can
go. I fell in love with Tommy that hot Fourth of July. Three years
later he was
dead on a bloody beach out in the Pacific, but I didn’t find out until
I came
back from Europe in ’46. We’d enlisted on the same day
thinking the
Army would keep us together. Boy, were we wrong about that. I still
think about
Tommy and the good times we had together. And, no, I’m not gay.”
“But,
you said.”
“I
said we had sex that one day and that was the only time. I think it was
a shock
to both of us that our love could be so strong that we’d end up having
sex.
Well, we nipped that in the bud right then and there. It was hard,
though, not
being with Tommy in that way. I can still remember jerking off at night
imagining him with me and making passionate love to me, but it was not
to be.”
“Did
you meet anyone else?”
“We
met while I was in medical school. Jean was from Buffalo and she had
the prettiest face I’d ever
seen. We were
married a couple years later and Thomas Alexander Randall was born on
July 4,
1955. He was a
beautiful baby boy.”
“You
named him after Tommy?”
“Yeah,
it was my only choice. On the night of February 4, 1957, Jean and Tommy
left me. We were living in a
nice
neighborhood, in a nice suburb, outside Chicago. I was just starting my
work with
adolescents and was
looking forward to many fruitful years helping young boys like you to
learn how
to cope in this world of ours. He was eighteen years old, hadn’t been
in school
for years, barely getting by. The police think he was looking for
money, maybe,
just asking for money. He shot Tommy once in the head. He raped Jean,
sodomized
her, and then shot her in the head. Two years ago he was knifed in
prison and
died.”
“I’m
sorry.”
“That’s
okay. Hey, I’m sorry for the sad story.”
“No,
I appreciate you telling me. Does Mother know?”
“Not
all of it. She knows I’m a widower and I guess that’s all she wants to
know.
Now, how about going downstairs and talking to Sam and Mark. You guys
need to
work this out.”
“Yeah,
I know, but it’s hard when I keep falling in love with practically
whoever
bumps into me.”
“You
need to find someone permanent.”
“I
did, but I don’t know where he is.”
We
worked it out, sort of, at least to where I wasn’t bawling every time
Mark got
close to me. That first Saturday probably was the hardest, though they
did get
easier. I was ready to leave the house at eight o’clock, but I didn’t
need to be at our pickup point
until
one. I read. I stared at the Corsair wondering where Tim was hiding, if
he was
alive, which made me cry. I sat on my bed staring at nothing. I went
down to
Sam’s room, but he hadn’t come home from spending the night with Mark.
I went
up to Johnny’s room, but he was still asleep from staying up with me to
watch a
war movie. I went down to the kitchen and fixed a bowl of cereal. And,
then it
was nine.
By
the time twelve-thirty rolled around, Sam, Johnny, Sally, Mother, and
Doctor
Randall were practically pushing me out the door just to get me away
from them.
I was nervous as hell, but I was driving them nuts with my pacing,
crying,
whimpering, talking meaningless shit, and losing at Chutes and Ladders.
I
thought the walk would do me good, but I walked the nine blocks faster
than I
intended and got there at ten to one. Mark was already there. We looked
at each
other, but stayed apart.
“Hi,”
I said. I wasn’t supposed to say anything and he didn’t respond. At
least was
holding up his part of the bargain.
I started
counting the pebbles in the dirt, then moved to counting only the blue
ones,
then altered my tactic and only counted the obviously blue ones. I
looked at my
watch and it was five to one. I looked over at Mark, but he was staring
at some
dog, a big dog, a German Shepard, across the street that was looking at
us. I
didn’t know dogs. There was a Golden Retriever at Mark’s house, but it
was old
and slept in its corner all the time. The German Shepard suddenly broke
into a
run and came straight toward us. Mark knelt down and the dog nearly
knocked him
on his ass.
“Hey
Jerry, long time no see,” he said as his fingers started scratching the
dog’s
ears. “What’s the puppy want?”
The
dog looked up at me. I shrugged, smiled. What do you do with a dog
named Jerry?
He came over to me and stood about a foot away and stared.
“Squat
down slowly,” Mark whispered. “He’ll be less nervous if you’re at his
level.”
When
I got down the dog pushed me so hard with his nose I fell over onto my
ass.
Instantly, he was on top of me licking my face and neck.
“Jerry
sit!” Mark commanded.
The
dog sat down on my crotch.
“This
is better?” I asked.
“Jerry
heel!”
The
dog was sitting at Mark’s feet.
“I
thought you had a Golden Retriever?” I asked.
“This
is our neighbor’s dog. He must have followed me. We’ll have to take him
home
before we go to Gary’s.”
“Okay.”
I mean what could I say, “No, we can take him with us. He can watch.”
Gary must have known Jerry, too, because he had
no qualms
about letting the dog in his beat up Dodge, although, Jerry and I had
to share
the backseat. Mark took Jerry up to his home and the dog was welcomed
back like
he’d been gone for years. Dog people, I’ll never understand them.
“I
still don’t understand what this is about,” Gary said as he drove
toward his apartment. “But,
I’ll go
along with it as long as you guys cleanup your mess. As in, put the
sheet in
the hamper and wipe up any stray splatters of come. You can’t imagine
what it
was like to cleanup after the last time you spent time at my place. By
the way,
which one of you has the aiming problem?”
“That’d
be Mark.”
“Well,
little brother, you need to remember where that stuff is supposed to
go. Mouth,
ass, body, not headboard, wall, nightstand, dresser, and the fuckin’
lampshade.
I didn’t even notice until one night I went in there to get something
and
turned on the damned lamp.”
“Sorry,
I get carried away sometimes.”
Then,
Mark and I were standing in the extra bedroom in Gary’s apartment. He’d
gone off to do something,
probably
so he didn’t have to stay and listen to two horny teens having sex.
We’d broken
the no talk rule. It had been Sam’s addition to our compact, so it
wasn’t all
that binding, anyway.
Mark
unbuttoned my shirt, carefully pulling the tail out of my slacks to get
every
button, then eased it off my shoulders, dropping it to the floor. I
pulled his
sweatshirt over his head and stared at his erect nipples before
dropping it
onto my shirt. He pulled my t-shirt out of my pants and over my head,
then
dropped it onto the other shirts. I knelt down and untied his shoes. He
stepped
out of them, then raised each foot so I could remove his socks. I stood
up and
he knelt down to do the same for me.
I
looked into his gray eyes and they smiled back at me. I knelt down,
unbuckled
his belt, pulled down his zipper, and saw he wasn’t wearing any
underwear.
“Sam
told you to do this,” I said.
“No,
it was my idea, but he thought it was a good idea.”
He
was hard and ready. I hadn’t seen this cock in a long time and wanted
to take
my time. I leaned in and kissed his ball sack. Then selected a likely
subject
and sucked it into my mouth. Mark’s hands were on my head, his fingers
running
through my hair. I leaned a little more and licked behind his balls.
His hands
pressed my head into him. His scent was overpowering, I wanted more of
him.
I
pulled back licking over to his thigh and up toward his cock. I reached
out and
put my hand between his legs and found his portal. My other hand took
hold of
him and my mouth enveloped the head, my tongue going crazy over the
soft,
spongy flesh. A finger slipped easily into him. I smiled. Mark was
pre-lubed.
My mouth worked itself down over his erection, my lips pressing against
the
skin. Another finger slipped into him, harder this time. I couldn’t
wait a
moment longer. My other hand began to work up and down the shaft. My
mouth
returned to the head, allowing my tongue to drive Mark to the edge, as
my
fingers found what they were seeking. He shuddered as his hot juices
pulsed
into my mouth.
“Wow!
You certainly didn’t waste any time,” Mark said when I stood up. We
kissed, his
tongue darting into my mouth. I held his bare skin against my chest and
felt
him undoing my belt. My zipper descended. Then my slacks and briefs
headed
toward the floor.
“Come
here, I need you,” Mark said, pulling me toward the bed.
He
lightly pushed me down, then raised my legs up onto the bed. He was
kneeling
over me. I looked up into his gray eyes as he lowered himself down onto
me. I
rubbed his thighs as he got into his rhythm bouncing up and down on my
aching
erection. I watched his cock harden as I tightened myself. His tempo
changed to
slow ups to where he was nearly out of me, then quickly down deep
inside him. I
reached out and stroked his erection. I bit my lip trying to hold back,
trying
to keep it going, but a wad of come splattered into my nose breaking my
concentration.
After
cleaning us, Mark lay down, snuggling up against me.
“I
missed you,” he said. “No, really, I did miss you, but I was afraid. I
didn’t
want any more trouble than I already had.”
“You
don’t have to announce this to the whole world,” I said. “I don’t, but
people
figure it out eventually.”
“What
about Sam?”
“You
know our agreement. You’re his, except for every other Saturday
afternoon. We
all agreed, even Sam. I know you two are in love. I can see it. You
might like
this, but you love Sam.”
After
awhile it began to seem very contrived, almost as if all of the getting
ready
(Brushing my teeth twice, showering with lots of soap and not jerking
off.),
saying goodbye to Sam (Who acted like he didn’t care, when I knew he
did very
much.), walking the nine blocks to the corner (It was exactly halfway
between
our homes.), not acknowledging Mark’s or Gary’s presence, taking each
other’s clothes
off, kissing, touching, sucking, fucking, and whatever else we did
between one-thirty
and around three-thirty when Gary dropped me, and usually Mark, at my
house.
Yet,
I looked forward to those times simply because I was with someone I
loved.
Sam
and Mark remained lovers. They’d gone beyond best friends, boy friends,
and
whatever else they could be other than deeply in love. Love dripped
from them
whenever they were near. You didn’t need special glasses to see they
were in
love with each other. What made it very special was Mark’s parents who
accepted
Sam into their family as if he was Mark’s fiancé. Sam’s parents
were the only
problem because their lawyer was coming up with a lot of legal
shenanigans that
kept Sam home more than he wished so he could be kept under “close”
supervision.
Doctor Randall got around that by having the court officially sanction
Mark’s
parents as “supervisors” when he was at their house. There were dark
clouds on
Sam’s horizon, though, and we all knew the time was coming when he was
going to
leave us to be sent down to either a county or state facility for
stricter
supervision.
“Boy’s
I’d like to introduce Scott to you,” Doctor Randall said. We were all
up in my
bedroom, which seemed to have become group therapy central for us.
“Scott will
be staying with us from now on.”
“Hi,
Scott,” the three of us said in our own way. We were staring at him.
Picking
him apart, the little mole under his left eye, the longish straw blond
wispy
hair hanging over his ears, the faint eyebrows, the blackhead on the
right side
of his nose, the way his eyes never left the floor, the way he was
biting his
lower lip, and all the other things that made him different from us.
“Peter’s
not coming back?” Johnny asked.
“Uh,
no,” Doctor Randall said.
“Is
he okay?” Johnny asked. He sounded worried. After all, Peter had been
his best
friend. I moved my chair next to his and took his hand in mine.
“He’s
okay, but he won’t be rejoining the group,” Doctor Randall said.
“Can
I ask why?” Sam asked. He looked a little sad, too.
“He
tried to bribe a guard to give him some drugs. Unfortunately, that was
a test
and he failed miserably. We don’t really know what we’re going to do
with him,
but he won’t be coming back here. And, for what it’s worth, this wasn’t
my
decision. Personally, I think Peter just wasn’t suited for a
residential
placement.
“Anyway,
we have Scott with us now. As you can see Scott is extremely shy,
hardly says a
word to anyone unless he trusts them completely. What we’re trying to
do is get
him out of the shell he’s put around himself. And, that’s where you
guys come
in. I know it’ll be hard and Scott will probably ignore you, but
hopefully,
with time, we can get him back to being a normal teenage boy. Now,
Geoff, why
don’t you show Scott to his room.”
“If
it’s all the same to you, I rather you let Johnny do it,” I said. “I
think his
temperament might be better suited to Scott’s problem.”
“Johnny,
how do you feel about this?”
“If
Geoff thinks I can do it, then I’ll do it. But Geoff, you will back me
up?
Right?”
“Sure
thing.”
“Okay,
then, we’ll suspend the group hug until Scott is willing and able to
join us.”
Doctor
Randall, Scott, and Johnny left the room. I could tell Sam was close to
losing
it. I went over to him and pulled him up into a hug. His body was tense
as if
struggling to keep his composure. We were alone and he knew I didn’t
mind a
tear or two, but losing Peter was too much.
“Have
you decided what you’re going to get Mark for Valentine’s Day?” I
asked.
Distraction always seemed to work on me, so I thought I’d try it.
“A
big teddy bear like Mr. Crowley,” Sam said. He lost it and began to
cry. Not as
bad as I usually did, but a close second. I held him close and felt his
arms
finally go around me pulling us closer together.
And,
then, suddenly he stopped. I pulled away from him to get a good look,
but he
still looked horribly sad. He must have noticed the questioning look I
as
giving him.
“I
can do that,” he said. “Don’t ask me how, but I can turn off the tears
in an
instant. Doctor Tim says he’s never seen it before, but there are
references to
it in some old books.”
“But
do you feel any better?”
“No,
I feel like I could lose it at any moment. Mention something about
Peter and me
and I will.”
“That’s
why I asked you about Valentine’s Day. It’s next week. You don’t have
that much
time.”
“Can
I sleep with you tonight?”
“Just
sleep or something more?”
“Do
you mind?”
“No,
I don’t mind at all.” No, I didn’t mind at all. What was there to mind?
Sam had
a great body and was great in bed. He fucked like a mad man, but I was
probably
as crazy as he was. He could get a little physical, but I liked a lover
who was
in control. Nothing could dissuade me from wanting his bare skin next
to mine.
“I could lock my door and we could practice a little.”
“Just
hold me, okay?”
“Okay,
but I’ll go ahead and lock it in case you want to get naked or
something.”
“God,
Geoff, why are you so horny all of a sudden? How long has it been since
you and
Mark were together?”
“Yesterday,
maybe I’m still wound up. I don’t know, maybe it’s the new kid. He
looks kind
of cute, in a bashful sort of way. I always thought Bashful was the
cutest
dwarf.”
He
walked over to my door and shut it. Then he locked it. Then he locked
my
bathroom door. Then he came back to where I was standing.
“Get
on your knees,” he said. He dropped his jeans and briefs. His cock was
half-hard, but quickly rising to the occasion. “Suck it.”
I
leaned in opening my mouth slightly to take it in slowly. Sam slapped
the side
of my face, hard, almost knocking me over. I looked up at him, but Sam
wasn’t
there. My face tingled with pain, but before I could react a fist
lashed out at
me and plowed into my nose. Stars, yes, stars exploded across my field
of
vision. I could taste blood, then another slap on the other side nearly
knocked
me over, again. A fist slammed into my face. I screamed and tried to
protect my
face from the pummeling. Then I grabbed one of his hands and wrenched
it down
pulling him along with it. I was on top of him forcing his hands down
to the
floor. He was kicking, trying to get me off of him. I knew I had to
stay on top
or he’d have too much of an advantage.
My
door swung open. Doctor Randall had a key too all our bedrooms, for
emergencies, like suicide or a fellow patient going crackers. Sam
didn’t stop
struggling until Doctor Randall was able to get the needle in his arm
and push
in the medicine.
Only
then did I see another syringe being readied by my mother. I looked up
and
Doctor Randall saw me, saw my face for the first time. A smile faintly
broke
across his worried face. I got off Sam who was quickly succumbing to
the
medicine and started to pull up his pants.
“Arlene?
Get some ice for Geoff’s face,” Doctor Randall said. “And, maybe, a
towel to
soak up the blood. Geoff? Do you feel up to helping me with Sam?”
“Anything
for someone I love, but what set him off?”
“That’s
the bad side of Sam. He was probably very mad Peter isn’t coming back
and you
simply became his target. It could have been any of us, but you were
here now.”
I
helped get Sam down to his bedroom and Johnny helped as soon as he saw
us in
the hall. This wasn’t a very good welcoming for Scott, but that’s what
happens
when you get a bunch of crazy kids together. We got Sam down to his
briefs and
t-shirt, then Doctor Randall brought out the restraints. Johnny and I
looked at
each other, but helped the doctor tie Sam to his bed. No one wants an
angry
crazy kid wandering the halls looking for someone to beat up.
When
I got out into the hall Mother was there and walked me back to the
kitchen. My
nose was still bleeding and I was becoming very aware of a lot of pain
across
my face. I let her set me down and I tried to tilt my head back, but
suddenly
got very dizzy. I saw Doctor Randall with the syringe, but couldn’t
stop him
before the needle went in and after a moment everything went blurry.
“Just
something to calm him down,” I heard him say in his badly dubbed movie
voice.
“I’ll give him something for pain before he goes to bed.”
“Noam,
salride,” I mumbled.
“I
don’t know if you’ll remember this,” Doctor Randall said, “but you
defended
yourself today and did a very good job of subduing Sam. I think you are
really
getting better.”
“Thanss,”
I mumbled. I did feel good about it. I fought back instead of simply
letting
Sam beat the crap out of me, or worse, kill me like he almost did to
his
sister. So, this was the real Sam. Scary was a good word for how I felt
about
what happened.
Johnny
slept in my bed that night. Nothing happened as I couldn’t kiss and the
pain
medicine I finally accepted did wonders for the pain, but totally
destroyed any
good feelings Johnny was trying to induce in my groin. He reluctantly
gave up
and snuggled against me before falling to sleep.
Sam
was gone when everyone woke up the next morning. Somehow he’d gotten
out of the
restraints and ran away.
Doctor
Randall made the necessary calls and Johnny and I stayed home from
school.
Things
didn’t seem right with Mark since Sam skipped out on us. He stopped our
Saturday afternoon trysts. Was moodier than ever to the point where he
nearly
killed three boys bent on beating him up. They thought they had
surprised him,
but he was always waiting for someone to try to attack him. He’d
crossed the
bridge into an insane land where taunts, jibes, derision, and hatred
were best
handled with a left hook quickly followed by a right to the left side
of the
face, but the police were reluctant to arrest him because it was plain
to
everyone he hadn’t thrown the first punch. The only good thing to come
out of
it was no one tried to attack him anymore. I guess the word got out
that not
only did Mark fight like a crazy, he fought dirty, too. There are
places on a
boy that are not meant to be severely bruised.
And,
Mark, seemed somehow happy, too. I suspected he either knew where Sam
was
hiding or he was helping Sam to stay hidden. Either way, I suspected
they were
continuing to see each other.
The
reporter Officer Tomlinson talked about was around a lot a school
interviewing
students, teachers, and the staff. It seems he went to the school board
for
permission to investigate the possibility North Park High School was
trying to force Mark Patterson to quit school because he lied to the
police
about who actually beat him up. They bought it and gave him free access
to
North Park High. Quite possibly, he was looking into Mark’s situation
with an
open mind and not jumping to conclusions before he finished his
investigation.
Whatever he was doing, he’d call me every now and then to say the
investigation
was progressing well and there should be an article out sometime before
Mother’s
Day.
I
kept eating lunch with him. As long as I was there, no one seemed
inclined to dump
a tray of food on Mark. Yet, Mark seemed unappreciative of my presence,
as if
he was now in control of what happened around him. Or, maybe, he was
just
waiting for the chance to physically injure the next fool who tried to
do it
and my presence was keeping him from doing that.
Then
on the Friday before Spring Break, I had to go to the dentist. I was
gone
during the morning, returning to school just before lunch. By the time
I got to
the cafeteria, the fool was carrying his tray toward Mark. Everyone was
still
talking, but all eyes were on the fool with his tray. It was heaped
with
lunches from other students. This was going to be the biggest mess
dumped on
Mark, ever.
I
stood and watched. I felt I knew what was going to happen. The fool
came up on
Mark’s blind side, but just as he was raising the tray to dump it, Mark
grabbed
his crotch. The tray dropped to the floor with a thud because there was
so much
food piled on it. The fool had his mouth open, but nothing was coming
out. Then
he seemed to be dropping to his knees. There was a very brief struggle
then the
kid bolted, food smeared all over his head, he ran out holding himself
with
both hands, which made him kind of hobble along rather than actually
run with
any speed. Pain clearly showed under all the food on his face.
“Okay
you bastards, who’s next?” Mark yelled as he climbed up on the table.
“Who
wants to sing soprano in the school choir? I don’t care. Come on, you
fuckers,
who wants to see if I can kill?”
Not
surprisingly, no one volunteered, no one said anything, not even Vice
Principal
Washington. I went over to the table and looked up at Mark, reached
toward him
and said, “Come on, I’ll help you down. Come on, it’s okay. Vice
Principal
Washington? Your office I presume?”
Mark
was calm. The calm you get after the storm. He didn’t say a word,
didn’t start
weeping, just kind of walked along beside me, a prisoner on the last
walk of
his life. Principal Jennings was just coming out of his office when we
walked
into the school office. He looked at me, but I led Mark to Vice
Principal
Washington’s office.
“We
had a little incident in the cafeteria,” Vice Principal Washington said
behind
us. “Send the nurse to the boy’s restroom by the cafeteria. There’s a
boy in
there who might need assistance.”
“Billy,
I want that boy out of here,” Principal Jennings said. “He’s caused his
last
disruption in this school.”
“For
you, Steve, that’s probably a good thing,” Vice Principal Washington
said.
“Because the other boy’s testicles, and maybe his penis too, are going
to be
sore for a long, long time. I guess he can thank you for that.”
Well,
that certainly told me whose side William A. ‘Billy’ Washington, Boy’s
Vice
Principal, was standing on, which kind of surprised to me. I expected
the whole
staff to be on the Coach’s side, but maybe I didn’t know school
administration
politics.
Mark’s
mother arrived in a few minutes and the secretary showed her into the
office.
Mark was still quiet. Billy, who would probably kill me with paddle if
I called
him that, and I chatted about mostly me, I guess. He said I handled the
situation admirably and would be calling Doctor Randall to fill him in
on the
situation. I told him it really wasn’t anything, but he said he was
going to
call no matter what I said.
“Mrs.
Patterson, I sorry, but Mark is being suspended for the remainder of
the year,”
Billy said.
Mark
sat there and didn’t say a word. His expression was frozen.
“Geoff?
What are you doing here?”
“He
helped Mark come down to my office,” Billy said. “He seemed to know
just what
to do.”
“Yes,
well, I guess that’s understandable considering where he lives,” Mrs.
Patterson
said. “It’s okay, Geoff, I’m just saying you have more experience in
dealing
with boys who, uh, need help.”
“Thank
you, Mrs. Patterson,” I said. “I thinks its time Mark went home. I’m
sorry it
had to turn out this way.”
“What
way was that?” Mrs. Patterson asked.
“Mark
finally fought back,” Billy said. “But I afraid it didn’t do him any
good.”
“I
suppose its time for our lawyer to look into this.”
“And,
maybe, Doctor Randall, too?”
“I
think that might be a good idea, Geoff,” Mrs. Patterson said. “Come on
Mark,
let’s go home.”
He
didn’t move. Then he looked at me and I smiled, “It’s okay, Mark, go
with your
mother. I’ll see you soon.”
The
tears came, but they weren’t much. He was too emotionally exhausted to
even
cry. When they stopped, he left with his mother.
“Thank
you, Geoff,” Billy said. “I guess he is your friend.”
“No,
we loved each other, once, a long time ago, in another life.” Or, so it
seemed
to me. The Fairy Table was going to be lonely now. I thought about
moving, but
figured I didn’t have to worry about it until the week after Spring
Break.
Saturday
morning, Mother went somewhere with Sally. Then Doctor Randall took
Johnny
somewhere else. I was left to “babysit” Scott, who hadn’t talked to any
of us
since arriving nearly two months earlier. He ate, went to his “special”
private
school (special as in all the kids were screwy in the head), cleaned
his room
and body, did his homework, and watched television. He was just an
everyday
kind of kid, except he didn’t talk and barely acknowledged anyone’s
presence.
Only Sally seemed to be able to communicate with him, probably because
she
wasn’t a threat.
I
was down in the living room, for a change, since Scott’s room was on
the main
floor. I was reading a magazine, or simply looking at the pictures
since there
aren’t a lot of magazines that interest me. Too fucking smart for my
own
enjoyment. You can be too smart, trust me.
I
heard something and I looked up. Scott was standing in the foyer
staring at me.
He looked very scared. We’d never been alone together and I don’t think
he was
ready for this much change in his life.
“Come
on in and sit down,” I said, calmly, trying to empty all emotion from
my voice.
“You can watch whatever you want.”
He
screamed and ran into his room and slammed the door.
Well,
I figured his time had come. I wasn’t putting up with his shit any
longer. I
went to his door and noticed it wasn’t latched. He’d slammed it too
hard and
the bolt didn’t catch. I sat down on the floor leaning my back against
the
opposite wall.
“Scott?
We need to talk,” I said, not too loud, but loud enough for him to know
I was
close.
“Go
away!” He screamed.
I
wished Doctor Randall was here to see this. The kid could actually
talk, well,
scream if the door was closed. It was communication, sort of.
“I’m
outside your door, sitting on the floor.”
“Go
away!” He screamed, again, but not as loud or forcefully.
“I
want to know why you won’t talk to me.”
“Because.”
“Because
why?”
“Because
you’re a homosexual.”
Wow!
The kid was scared of queers, which suggested something. He wasn’t a
dummy. No,
Scott was smart, he was just a little screwed up in the head, that’s
all. I
began to wonder if he’d had a bad experience with someone of the same
sex, bad
enough to lock him in a mental shell that suddenly seemed to be full of
cracks,
as long as the door was closed.
“Geoff?
Are you still there?” The voice was close, close enough to be on the
other side
of the door.
“I
haven’t gone anywhere,” I said. I heard a bit of scrambling as if he
was
backing further away from the door. He was one scared little shit, but
I wasn’t
about to give up. He was talking. We were communicating, not well, but
he was
responding to verbal stimuli.
“Scott?
Can you tell me why you’re afraid of homosexuals?”
“He
said he’d hurt my little sister if I told.”
Damn!
Someone close to both him and his sister. Father? Stepfather? Older
brother?
Next door neighbor? They were all suddenly on my suspect list. And,
threatening
to harm a little girl. We had a real sicko here.
“Scott?
Have you noticed I haven’t come into your room?”
“Yes.”
It was soft, barely audible.
“Do
you know why I haven’t come into your room?”
“No.”
Still soft.
“House
rule number one. I cannot come into your room without your permission.
Do you
understand that?”
“Yes.”
Stronger, firmer, knowing.
I
could’ve left Scott at that point. We’d establish a boundary that I
couldn’t
cross and we’d communicated, sort of. But, I wanted to know who abused
him so
much that he had to withdraw from the world to find any peace.
“Scott?
I want you to know something. Your door isn’t latched. You slammed it
too hard
and the bolt didn’t catch. You know, I could easily be in your room
right now,
but I can’t because I don’t have your permission. Can you understand
why I
haven’t come into your room when I can easily do it?”
“A
little, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to, want to, want to.”
“What
do you think I want to do to you?”
“No!
Daddy said he’d, oh, no! Oh, no!” Scrambling noises, a thunk, a thud,
more
scrambling noises.
Dear
old dad, why wasn’t I surprised. Well, I don’t know if Doctor Randall
was going
to like what I’d done, but I knew I wasn’t through. I had to open the
door.
At
first, I couldn’t see Scott. Then the whimpering got louder. Obviously,
he
could see me and was deathly afraid I was going to come in and get him.
I sat
back down on the hall side of the door jamb. Only then could I see
Scott under
his bed, back against the wall. I immediately thought of Doctor Randall
giving
me five swats for this fiasco.
“Scott?
I am not your Daddy. I am Geoff Johnson. I live in this house with my
mother
and little sister. My dad is dead. Doctor Randall lives here, too. And,
so does
Johnny. I know you like Johnny, don’t you?”
“Uh,
huh.”
“But,
Johnny isn’t here. I’m here. I want to help you, but I can’t help you
if you’re
under the bed. Also, I want you to see I have not come into your room.
You have
not given me permission. I opened your door because I was concerned
about you.
I know you still don’t trust me, but I want you to come out from under
the
bed.”
Silence.
No whimpering. Nothing. Then the softest of sounds, a mouse whispering
from far
away, “Okay, but don’t move.”
I
watched him slowly extricate himself from under the bed. He sat down
against
the wall with his knees up to his chin, holding his legs. He was
fourteen, but
acted more like a five year old. This was one fucked up kid. Then I
wondered
how fucked he was, how many years had he been fucked. Dear old dad.
He
was scared, but I wasn’t certain if he was still scared of me.
“Okay,
Scott, at least I know you can talk and you’re willing to talk to me.
Right?”
“Uh,
huh.”
“Even
if I’m gay?”
“Huh?”
“Gay,
queer, homosexual, they all mean the same thing. What they don’t mean
is that I
like you. You’re a nice kid, but I have no interest in being close to
you.”
“Huh?”
“Who
told you about homosexuals?”
“Do
I have to say?”
“Your
father?”
“Uh,
huh.”
“Did
he say you were one because he was doing things to you?”
“Yes.”
Barely audible. Dear old dad was getting on my nerves.
“Is
your father at home?”
“No,
he and Mommy got a divorce. He lives in another house. Debbie and I go
there on
weekends. And, he does things to me and makes me do things to him.” He
was
crying. I wanted to go to him and comfort him, but I couldn’t, I didn’t
have
his permission.
“Okay,
we don’t have to talk about this anymore. I’m going back to the living
room and
I’ll turn on the television. If you want to, you can come out and watch
whatever you want. But, before I go I want you to know another house
rule. I
cannot touch you if you do not give me permission. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good.
Now, I’d like to give you a hug to make you feel better, but I’m not
going to
ask you. I’ll be in the living room reading a magazine. You do not have
to come
out. You do not have to sit on the sofa. You do not have to do anything
you
don’t want to. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He
looked so pitiful as he sat against the wall, scrunched up into a ball,
tears
dribbling down his face. I went back to the living room, turned on the
television and changed the channel to my favorite cartoons. I sat at
the far
end of the sofa and picked up the latest issue of Life. At
least it had
good pictures.
After
a few minutes I felt a body sit down and lean itself against me. I
raised my
arm and Scott snuggled up against me. It wasn’t long before I noticed
he was
asleep.
And,
then Johnny bounded into the room and stared at us. Then he left and in
a
moment he came back with Doctor Randall, who looked at me with his
“what the
fuck is going on”
face.
I
felt Scott jerk a little. He was awake.
“We’ve
been talking, haven’t we, Scott?”
“Yes,
and Geoff has been nice to me. I like him.”
“Scott,
I have to go talk to the doctor. Okay?”
“You
remember what he said. He said he’d hurt Debbie.”
“Shush!
It’ll be okay. He isn’t going to hurt Debbie, or you, ever again.”
“Now,
see if you can talk to Johnny, too.”
“Okay.”
“Come
on Doctor Randall time to go back to work,” I said.
I
told him everything, including Scott hiding under the bed. When he
asked me
why, I said, “I was tired of his shit and decided since no one else was
going
to do anything about it, I might as well do it today since we were
alone. And,
yes, I could have failed horribly and you’d have a worse mess than I
when I
started.”
“Well,
for what it’s worth, I thank you for breaking his shell, but I think
we’ve got
a lot of work ahead now that we know his problem.”
“What
about his father?”
“I
have some friends down at the County Sheriff’s office. I’ll let them
know.”
“I
hope he runs so they can shoot him.”
An
unusual April sun brightened Sunday morning, but I think seeing Scott
and
Johnny laughing made my day special. Scott still wasn’t too sure about
touching
or being touched, but talking was definitely a good thing now. In fact,
he
seemed to be always talking, you couldn’t shut him up, but he smiled
now, that
made everything okay.
Mother
came into the kitchen and announced Scott and Johnny were going to help
her
make hotcakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. They looked at her like she
was some
kind of crazy woman, but she told Johnny he was going to do the bacon
and Scott
would prepare the hotcake batter.
When
the telephone rang, I was too busy watching Scott and Johnny to be
bothered
with answering it. Then Sally, who probably was destined to be a
receptionist,
called out, “Geoff for you!”
I
didn’t want to miss seeing hotcake batter flying through the air, but
went to
see who wanted me. Maybe, just maybe, it was Tim down at the bus depot
needing
a ride home. I could hope. I had hope. I still had hope.
“Geoff?
Please forgive me.”
“Mark?
Is that you?”
“Please
forgive me.”
“Mark,
are you with Sam?”
“Why
won’t you forgive me?”
“Where
are you?”
“Garage,
but why can’t you forgive me.”
“Mark,
I want you to go outside right now. Get away from Sam. Don’t listen to
him.”
“Geoff,
please! Just say you forgive me.”
“I
forgive you. There I said it. Now, go outside!”
The
line went dead. I dialed the number to the Patterson house and waited,
listening to the ring, ring, ring.
“Damn
it! Somebody answer the phone!”
Ring,
ring, ring.
“Hello?”
“Donny?”
“Yeah?”
“This
is Geoff. Mark just called. I think he’s out in your garage with Sam
and
they’re going to try to kill themselves. Get your parents and stop
them.
Please.”
“Oh,
god! Mom! Dad!”
The
line went dead. I stood there a moment trying to think.
“What’s
up?” Doctor Randall said behind my back.
“Mark
called. It sounded like he was going to attempt the big end.”
“Shit!
Go to the car, I’ll be right behind you.”
Doctor
Randall was a bad driver. Inattentive as hell. It’s best not to even
watch where
he’s going because he missed the power poles by inches, if old ladies
in
crosswalks had sponges they could wash the car as it sped by too close
for
comfort. Normally, it took almost fifteen minutes to get to Mark’s
house. We
got there in less than ten.
The
firemen had Mark and Sam on stretchers and they were giving them CPR. I
could
see the rope burns around their necks. Doctor Randall went to Mr.
Patterson,
but I stayed in the car. Donny came over. He didn’t look very good.
“Hey,
Geoff.”
“How’re
you doing Donny?”
“They
were quivering. It looked horrible the way they were wiggling and
quivering.
Dad cut them down with his pocket knife and got the ropes from around
their
necks. I helped him. Mother called the fire department. They’re just
around the
corner. Oh, Geoff, I don’t want Mark to die.”
I
got out of the car and put my arms around him. He was crying. Gary
drove up and came over to us. He took his
brother
from me and walked him toward the house.
Suddenly,
I had no one and I felt the all too familiar sense of doom descending
over me.
If I had a weapon I’d use it. If there was a bridge I would jump. I
leaned back
against the car.
“Geoff?”
“Mrs.
Patterson, I’m sorry.”
“No,
thank you for calling. Hopefully we got to them in time.”
She
was on the edge. We all were. Those two boys. Those two love birds. I
loved
them both, equally. They had special places in my heart.
“Geoff?
I want you to go with Sam,” Doctor Randall said. “They got a pulse and
are
taking him to North Park Memorial. I’ll follow in the car. Hurry up,
they’re
not going to wait for you.”
“But,
Mark.”
“They’re
still working on him. He seems to be worse. Hurry up. Go!”