This story describes the relationship and love life of two underage fictional boys. Any likeness between the characters of this story and real people are purely coincidental. If it is not legal to view this type of material, or you are not 18 years of age, read at your own risk. All material pertaining to this story is copyrighted to the author. Do not repost without permission.
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Previously, in Killing Loneliness:
He was quiet for a while, his crying stopped. I noticed that I had been gently rocking him. After a few more minutes, I felt him moving, so I started to let go and move back, thinking he wanted me to go away. Instead, I felt his arms shoot out and wrap around me, his face pressed against my stomach.
"Don't let go," he whispered, "please."
I sank down a little more and held him again. I felt a sudden feeling of warmth spread through me, like this was were I belonged.
"I won't," I whispered, resting my chin on the top of his head, "I promise, Jase. I'll stay here this time."
The first kiss was amazing. Feather soft, but incredibly powerful. And incredibly short.
"Shit," I heard him whisper, more or less to himself, "I'm sorry Blake. I'm going. See ya at school..."
He stood and started walking towards the door.
"Jase," I said, standing and following, "come back here."
"I didn't meant to do that Blake," he said, turning the doorknob and pulling the door open slightly. "I'm really sorry."
I thrust my arm out and forced the door shut, standing about six inches behind him. He seemed startled by my move, but didn't turn to face me. I noticed him shaking slightly, and I wondered why.
"Jase," I whispered softly, "turn around."
He slowly complied, but instead of looking me in the eyes, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor.
"Look at me," I demanded kindly.
He didn't budge, only shaking his head `no.'
I raised my hand, taking hold of his chin gently. He flinched, probably thinking I was going to hit him. I wondered briefly why he'd think that, but that thought quickly passed. I lifted his head till he hand no choice but to look me in the eye. His own eyes were shimmering again, and I felt a sudden lust course through me. I wanted to be there for him, to help him and protect him from the world.
"I'm sorry Blake," he whispered again. "I just...I...you were there, holding me, and...oh Blake..."
He leaned back against the door, and I put my other hand on it, both my arms now over his shoulders.
"Jase...what do you want?"
This was the moment I think we'd both been waiting for. Him since he first met me, me since...well, I guess the same amount of time.
I felt a sudden whirl of emotion wash over me, and I leaned closer to him, our noses almost touching. The look in his eyes told me that no matter what he said from here on, he wanted this just as much as I did. His breathing was coming in short, rapid breaths, and I had a sudden fear that he might hyperventilate. I continued to lean forward, our noses touching.
"Stop, Blake," he gasped. "Stop, damn it."
"No Jase," I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I think...I think we...should do this."
I pressed my lips against his. The feeling was infinitely better than the first, but it wasn't quite a kiss.
"Now or never Jase," I breathed into his mouth.
I felt his hands wrap gently around my waist. I could feel his body giving in to his desires.
I pressed my lips against his, covering his mouth with my own. He pulled on my back, causing our abs to press together, followed quickly by our chests. His body felt strong and firm, but at the same time as soft as a feather. Even with two layers of cloth between the two of use, the touch sent jolts through my body.
I pulled his head more into mine a little more, so that my lips pressed even harder against my own. I let my instinct take over, allowing my tongue to slide out and against his lips. The sensations were amazing, the utter and absolute best I had ever felt up to this point in my young life. The intensity of the feelings increased when I felt his mouth part slightly and his tongue reach out to mine.
Time held no meaning as we stood there, him leaning back against the door and me leaning against him, or mouths locked together in an almost deathly grip. His arms tightened slightly around my waist, and I returned the gesture by running my finger tips through the hair on the back of his head and neck. I felt him shudder ever so slightly beneath my touch.
Like the end of an era, our kiss slowed and eventually stopped. As I pulled away, I let out a sigh of contentment, and heard his in kind. One look into his eyes had me smiling.
"Well, how was it?" I asked.
A flash of thought past through his eyes before he said, "Blake, if kisses could kill, that one would have wiped out several major cities."
We looked at each other, both struggling the laughter that was rising in our throats.
I held him there, happy, somehow, for the first time in a very long time. His arms felt perfect around my waist, and I loved how my arms sat comfortably on his shoulders. Slowly, I let my arms fall to his sides, slipping my hands under his armpits and around his back, marveling again at how perfectly our bodies seemed to mold together.
"Blake?" he asked.
"Can I...stay with you tonight?"
I was stuck now. Our moment of passion past, rational thoughts started to rev up for a fight into my consciousness. My first thought was, "hell yes!" but, somehow, a kernel of doubt managed to worm its way into my mind.
"Blake, please, please let me stay."
His voice was sad and pleading. I could hear the tears rising again in his voice, threatening to burst a yet fragile damn.
"I don't want anything more than your presence Blake," he said, looking into my eyes. "I want you to be there next to me, to warm me and hold me. I want this," he squeezed me gently, "just like it is Blake. You make me feel whole. You make me feel happy, absolutely, 100% happy, a feeling I haven't felt in...well, in far to long a time. Please Blake, just for tonight, then...I don't care. Dump me, keep me, whatever you want, but I just want to be here, in your arms, for one night. Please let me be there Blake, please?"
The look on his face was one I'll never forget. It's like I was about to tell him he was either going to get the death sentence or get let off scott free. Fear and hope, total happiness and utter sadness conflicted in the depths of his eyes, deep within his very soul. My answer would cause that battle to turn in favor of one side or another.
I didn't want to hurt him ever again. I wouldn't do that to him ever, ever, again.
His eyes were killing me with that look. I felt like an ice cube under a laser beam. Everything in me was melting away.
Damn that look!
"I guess I'll go home then..."
I saw the sadness in his eyes beginning to overrun the hope and happiness. He tried to turn away, but I wouldn't let him.
I cared far too much.
My lips met his briefly.
"You can stay Jase. I want you to stay."
His smile could have lit the universe. His arms, which had been loosely wrapped around me, tightened as he pulled me into a hug. I readily returned the gesture, and for a time, we held each other.
"I don't want to let go," he sighed after a couple minutes. I chuckled softly.
"I gotta call my mom, let her know I'm staying."
"Um...you let go first," he giggled.
Slowly, we loosened our grip on each other and I backed off some. My hands slid into his, and we stood for a few minutes looking into each others eyes.
"Phone upstairs?" he asked.
"Yup," I replied.
"Ok, give me a minute...you got a spare bunk?"
"Um...no, but I got a queen sized bed. You don't mind sharing, do you?"
He giggled again. I was quickly falling in love with that sound.
"Of course not," he grinned.
I grinned back and punched him playfully.
"You're bad, you know that?" I teased.
"I know, but then, you remember the guys from back home. I had good teachers."
We both started laughing and he opened the door and headed upstairs. I showed him the phone and went to talk to my mom. I found her in the living room watching Law and Order, one of our favorite shows.
"Hey mom," I said, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch as her.
"Hey hun, what's up?" she asked, knowingly. "You and Jase patch things up? You guys were down there a long time."
"Yeah, we're cool now mom."
I started to fidget, thinking of how to ask her to let Jase spend the night. She knew we were both gay, and I knew she trusts me implicitly, but still, this might be pushing the line a little.
"Blake, what's up? You're fidgeting," she gave me a knowing smile, "Jase asked to stay over, didn't he?"
I nodded, blushing slightly.
"Well, if his mom lets him-"
"She said I could stay!" Jase called, walking into the living room. "I just gotta run home and get some stuff for tonight and tomorrow, and I can stay here the rest of the weekend."
I smiled at him and he sat between my mom and I, though I noted he sat about a foot closer to me. I threw and arm over his shoulders and pulled him against me. My mom smiled at us.
"Well, you two run over and get Jase's stuff, and I'll go order pizza. Nearly dinner time anyway," mom said.
"Thanks Mrs. Sabien," Jase said, looking at my mom, "I haven't had a decent pizza since I've been here. Mom doesn't think of it to highly, and school pizza sucks."
My mom laughed. I gave him a noogie.
"Hey, the pizza at school is good, especially on Wednesdays. Stuffed crust. Tuesdays are better though, bosco sticks."
He gave me a puzzled look, and I laughed, telling him he'd find out Tuesday. After a few more minutes of cuddling/tickling, we got up and went to get Jase's stuff.
A few hours later, we were sitting on my bed watching TV and munching on the remnants of a bag of Chips Ahoy. I looked at the clock, 11:45pm. I was feeling sleepy and, as I looked over at my friend, I could see him struggling slightly to keep his own eyes open. After watching him for a few minutes, he turned to look at me and smiled.
"I'm tired," he announced, "I'm gonna go get ready for bed." His face reddened slightly and he looked away shyly.
"Hey, what's wrong Jase?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.
"Um...I usually sleep in my boxers," his blush deepened, "You don't mind, do you?"
I smiled and pulled him into a hug.
"Of course not. That's how I usually sleep to, so don't worry about it. Come on, let's go get ready, I'm getting tired to."
We grabbed our stuff and went to the bathroom. He was confused at first, our house had been renovated and the toilet was in a divided part of the room, but once he figured out the layout, he was ok.
Once he was done relieving himself, he pulled his shirt off, giving me my first look at his smooth, developing chest. He went to the sink then as I went to the toilet. I came out as he was brushing his teeth and I washed my hands, glancing at his naked torso. He was absolutely beautiful! No hair whatsoever except for a small wisp of a trail below his belly button. I pulled my shirt off to, and I noticed him watching me.
Finally, we were done and walked back to my room. We still had our pants on, both concerned that my mom might come out of her room and see us. I shut my door as we got into my room, and as it clicked shut, I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind, his lips pressing gently against the back of my neck. I let out a small, involuntary moan and leaned back against him. His kisses became more intense as his lips moved onto the side of my neck, just below my right ear.
After a few minutes of this, of his naked chest against my naked back, he pulled away and jumped onto the bed.
I sighed and turned to him, seeing his broad smile as he shucked off his pants and tossed them over the end of the bed. I dropped my pants to his stares, and jumped in next to him, playfully tackling him and rolling him on top of me. His lips met mine briefly again, and he blushed. Our bodies were barely touching, but I could feel the heat radiating from his.
"Blake," he whispered.
"Yes?" I whispered back.
"I...don't want to have sex tonight," he said, blushing deeply.
I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him against me.
"Neither do I Jase."
His arms slid under my shoulders as he hugged me. He wasn't that heavy, laying on top of me, and in any case, I enjoyed the closeness, the feeling of his skin on mine, and the warmth of his body. He kissed me lightly before moving down a bit and laying his head on my chest.
He didn't say anything. I didn't either. His breath slowly became more regular as he fell into slumber. I stroked his hair and neck, pulling the covers over our bodies. He snuggled closer to me in his sleep, and I wrapped my arms around him tighter, and soon, I was also drifting to sleep.
And thus ends the first season of Killing Loneliness.
Season 2 coming soon.
Season 2 Preview:
Jase and Blake are a match made in heaven, the kind of love that is true and pure. But even the most destined things must be tested. Faith, trust, and love are all tested as bullies, extremists, and a cute new guy all come to play. What will one do in the protection of the other? What will one do to make amends for actions unintended?
Ok, first, let me apologize to all my fans out there who have been waiting so long for this chapter of Killing Loneliness. I must admit that I was sidetracked by a cute boy and have put my writing on hold for awhile. However, after several nagging emails, I decided to conclude the first season. I would also like to take a moment here to answer the most commonly asked questions about the story.
First, I would like to deal with the question of were I got the idea from. Killing Loneliness is based on a boy I knew from middle school, the first boy I ever crushed on. This boy moved several years ago, and I haven't heard from him in nearly 8 years. I sorely miss him, but I doubt he either remembers me or would ever fall for me.
Secondly, I've noticed a lot of people, especially those who wish to write their own stories, ask how I go about my writing. To be honest, I never plan anything. I let the story flow from my mind and heart. The emotions I wish to get across are ones that I feel. I will admit that I was in a depressed state of mind while writing this season, and with an understanding of how my characters felt, it made things much easier to put on paper. So to you up and coming writers, I give you this piece of advice: don't force it. Take it one sentence at a time and if you hit a roadblock, take a break. Writing is something that should be fun, whether you're writing a short story, poem, novel, or even a paper for your history class.
And finally, I'd like to confirm that many of the titles of my chapters are the names of songs by the band's Staind and HIM.
Well, I guess that's all for now. To all my fans, to the lovers and dreamers, to the holding and the held, to the loners and the lonesome, I dedicate this to you, and with my deepest thanks, leave you to find yourselves in these words, and the world.