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"Kiss Of An Angel"
It might have been a little more enjoyable if I didn't have to keep looking over my shoulder at the door to my room. I knew the lock didn't work, and that my parents had a habit to come into my room without knocking from time to time. Considering what I was up to in here, I REALLY didn't want to get caught with my pants down. Literally...'with my pants down'. But this was unavoidable. Call it the phase of the moon, or the rain outside my window. Or maybe just call it the hidden glimpse of Tyler's smile in my mind's eye. But whatever it was, it really made me jitter and wiggle inside. And with the exception of a few choice inches that I was holding in my hand at the moment...the rest of my body was warm jelly just thinking about him. My Tyler. His name alone gave my whole body a shiver.
I was sitting at my desk, right in front of the computer screen, with my pants down to my knees. They were down just far enough to spread my legs a little comfortably, but up just far enough to snatch them back up to my waist in case someone saw me. I'd be SO embarrassed if someone saw me! And I made sure that the back of my computer chair was facing the door to give me more 'cover' in case of emergencies or surprises. I put some music on to mask the sounds of me....um...'touching' myself. But it was also turned down low enough to hear somebody coming towards my room before they were right on me. I tried to be safe when doing this. But I always felt kinda guilty. Especially when it came to Tyler. Sighhhh....there's that name again. Tyler. It always makes me feel all topsy-turvy inside.
I think I blush the entire time I masturbate. I dunno...I get...'weird' about it sometimes. But I can't help it. I really can't. I feel like I do it all the time now. Maybe it's too much. I tried to stop once. But....Tyler blushed at lunch that day. And it was soooooo cute! I nearly blew up just thinking about it. He so..God...he's so...dreamy. You know? Why he would ever wanna be with dumb ol' me, I'll never know. All I know is that my whole world is candy whenever he pays me any attention at all. No one's ever done that for me before. Well...except for Randy. But.....he's...taken. I'd rather not think about it. Not when I can help it.
"Ariel?" My mom's voice came from the bottom of the stairs, and I immediately started to panic. But tried to hold it in so she wouldn't think anyhing was strange.
"Um...yeah?" I called back.
"You can eat supper."
"OK..." I said, waiting a few seconds to make sure she wasn't coming any closer to my room. Then I lowered my jeans again, looking back towards my computer screen.
I don't really know why I even go back to these sites anymore. No matter what hot young twink they show me, no matter what they're doing or how cute they are...I always end up turning them into Tyler anyway. He's just so awesome...how cold I think of anybody else. There have even been times when I think of something cute that he did or said, and it'll drive me crazy. Or I'll think about him taking me into his bedroom, and being his usual sweet and adorable self...and I'll get so caught up in talking to his imaginary image that I'll forget that I was masturbating! Still, he's the sweetie in my life, and I can't wait until I get the nerve to tell him so.
I used the mouse to scroll through a couple of pictures, and found one that kinda looked like something I dreamed about once. With me sitting on Ty's lap...facing him...maybe even...kissing him a little. God...even in my fantasies I'm 'tame'. Ok, so I'm kissing him a LOT! And I think about...him being...you know...inside me. I don't even know what it would feel like. But doing anything 'naked' with Tyler would be incredible. Besides, I though about trying to stick something up there once and chickened out. Ever hear that dumb urban legend about the girl who put a frozen hot dog in her thingie, and it broke off so she had to go to the hospital to get it taken out? Yeah, I know...it's silly, but I got scared anyway.
Feeling confident with the pic on the screen, I leaned back in my computer chair, my feet on the floor, an old t-shirt next to me. I always made sure that the shirt covered the keyboard so the buttons wouldn't stick. I kinda shoot a wild squirt or two from time to time. I was sliding my hand up and down, so hard that I could feel it in my 'teeth', and let my mind fill up with thoughts of my dreamboy. I only looked at the picture for about 30 seconds, my imagination took over from there. Tyler was the boy on the bottom, and I was the sexually overwhelmed boy on top. I imagined myself raising and lowering myself on his lap, feeling him slide in and out of me. I'd love to let him do me that way....where I can look at his face and see what he's feeling. See what being inside me is doing to him. Sighhhhh.....I was almost breathless at the idea, and I started to beat faster. I whimpered a little bit, but bit my lip to try to hold it in. That's one of the reasons I hate to do this when somebody's home. I'm always making little noises like that, and one of these days I'm gonna get caught if I'm not careful.
Thinking about him made me overheat, and beads of sweat were forming on my forhead. I had to use my hand to try and push the wet locks of my hair out of my eyes, and leaned back further into the chair, hearing it squeak. My feet were still firmly planted on the floor, but my knees were weak. Only Tyler could make me so weak. God...I want him sooooooo bad! He's so cute! He's so cool! He's gonna be mine someday, I KNOW it! "Mmmmph!" I whimpered again. A high pitched, boyish whimper. And I held my breath, stopping for a second to make sure no one downstairs heard that. Damn, I've got to be quiet. I just...I can't help it. But I'll try. I went back to touching myself, gripping the armrest with my freehand and leaning back even further as my toes curled up beneath me. I felt another whimper coming on as I focused on kissing Ty with my tongue, rubbing my hands on his chest, feeling my fingers in his hair. But I held it in this time. I opened my mouth to breathe in heavy gasps as I felt my body tightening up. Ohhhh...I wanted to touch him, and suck him, and just...love him all over. My head was spinning, and I leaned back even further as my legs tightened up. I was ready for release. And by the feel of it, it was gonna be a big one.
I held my breath and opened my eyes for a second to make extra sure that my keyboard was covered. Then I closed them again and dug my feet into the floor as my orgasm took complete control of my body. My chair creaked again as my back stretched out against it, my han going a hundred miles a minute. And the countdown began to my explosion. Three...two...one...it was time! I whispered out Tyler's name as quietly as I could, trying not to squeal. "Tyler...mmmm...I love you..." And then...*CRANK!!!*
I heard a noise and suddenly the back of my chair wasn't so stable behind me anymore! I guess the chair couldn't handle the pressure I was putting on it, and JUST as I started to squirt, it broke! The chair unexpectedly flipped me backards in mid climax, and I was tossed onto the floor! My juices went everywhere, onto my shirt, my face, my chest, my hair, the floor...EVERYWHERE! Omigod, it was awful!
I laid there on the floor as my thundering explosion calmed itself down a little bit. I mean..at this point, there was no point in trying to cover it up or stop it. Therewas a mess all over the place. "Ariel? Are you, ok honey?" My mom said, obviously hearing the crash all the way from downstairs.
"Yeah, Mom. I'm fine." I said. Normally, I would have started scampering to get my pants back up and hide the evidence. But that afternoon, I just kinda laid there. Still thinking of Tyler, and looking at the back of my chair as it sat bent and broken. I smiled a little bit, covering my face, and then started giggling at the whole situation. In fact, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing outloud. "Geez. I'm such a DORK!" I grinned, and finally picked myself up so I could clean up before going down to eat dinner. "Shit..." I whispered to myself, looking at the chair. "...Stupid!" I picked it up and pieced it back together as best as could, and then pulled my pants back up to sneak my way to the bathroom.
My weekend went by pretty fast, mostly studying for finals and watching tv. The weird thing is, I thought about Tyler all day long, and I was starting to worry that I was becoming a bit obsessive about it all. I didn't wanna be..'creepy' or anything. I just...I just wanted to love him all the time, and I couldn't really think about anything else. I would just be sitting on the couch or eating dinner, and his face would appear in my mind, or his smile would cross my thoughts, and I'd be lost in a dreamworld for the next five minutes. Feeling weightless and weighed down at the same time. As though the need to get carried away and the need to stay grounded were battling for control of my heart. I don't think I've ever felt ike this before, and it scares me. Because even after all that's happened, I have no way of knowing whether or not Tyler feels the same way about me. I know he's sorta...interested...or whatever, but that doesn't mean that he's as head over heels as I am. What if he just wants to date a few times and be done with it? What if he just wants to be friends and that's all? Or what if he doesn't even want THAT much? He never really did tell me how he felt. Then again...I never really told him either. I never knew how to phrase it. How do you tell the most beautiful boy in the world that you think he's the most incredible thing in your life? He could have ANYBODY, what's going to make that statement any more uncommon coming from little old me? When I went to bed on Sunday, I was aching so bad for him that I was practically humping my mattress. And NOT just thinking about sex....but about having him tell me he loved me. That he even could love someone like me. A kiss on the cheek from him was enough to send me soaring, even if it was only a phantom in my own imagination. I hope he likes me. God PLEASE! I hope he likes me. Sighhhhh...it almost makes you CRY....wanting someone this damn much.
When I woke up on Monday morning, I was still thinking about him. Pretty much where I had left off the night before. I wondered about what would happen if I told him. If I just...came out and told him that I think he's....he's...'tops'. What would he say? I mean, what if he feels the same and he's just waiting for me to say it? That could be it. He could just be waiting for that golden moment where I hold him close and whisper it in his ear or something. And then he'll know that he has nothing to worry about, right? So if I SAY it...THEN he'll confess that he loves me too. And then maybe he'll be my boyfriend. Just....what if? Ya know?
I let the thoughts run through my mind over and over again as I got up out of bed. The idea kept presenting itself to me like it was sent by fate itself. And I daydreamed about the possibility. If I could just get the courage to...'tell him'....then we can really be...together. The image raced through my mind, and I was getting extremely hard down there. Like, all of the sudden! My mom, dad, and gramma were downstairs. I couldn't neccessarily go walking around sticking out in front. So I just tucked it up against the waistline of my pants as well as I could, hoping that it would hold it upright until I could sit down to breakfast and give it a chance to go down. I'd have to walk a little funny, but I only had to make it to the table. I am going to get myself in so much trouble one of the days thinking about him.
I sorta crep my way to the kitchen door, and then swiftly dashed towards the table. My penis had slipped out of the waistband, so I had to walk sorta bent over so they wouldn't see it. I slid my legs under the table the second I sat down, and I was safe at last. My gramma was already sitting down with her crossword puzzle from the paper, and my plate was sitting next to her....on the other side of the table. "Uh, Grams...can you slide my plate this way?" I asked. No way I was getting up now. Thankfully, she did it without asking any embarassing questions, and breakfast was served. Eggs, scrambled, two links of sausage, slightly burned on the bottom, and two pieces of toast. Just enough to start off the day before school. My mom was one of those people that insisted my brain wouldn't work if I wasn't fed properly every single morning. So I guess I just kinda grew accostomed to the formula. I ate my breakfast up pretty quick and was scraping the crumbs in the sink by the time my dad came down.
"You eat so fast, Ariel. You should take your time." My gramma said.
"I did, Grams. Don't worry." I said, getting my stuff together in a hurry. "Gotta run."
"Well, where are you going? You don't have to leave for school for another half hour or so."
"I don't wanna be late. That's all." I lied, and grabbed my keys from the hook next to the fridge. I leaned over and gave my gramma a kiss on the cheek before leaving. "See you later, Grams. Bye Mom, bye Dad." They returned the greeting and I dashed out of the house. There was no WAY that I was going to school this early. No WAY! I had a 'walk-date' with an angel. So I took the extra long walk, and headed in the direction of Tyler's house. I was bubbling over waiting to see him again.
I know that it's a bit out of the way and all...but it was always worth it. Every single morning. Even having him walk by my side is cool. I feel like everybody is looking at us and thinking, 'wow, I wish I could be Ariel so I could hang out with a boy that awesome.' And it's the first time I've ever really wanted people to stare at me. I guess it's the first time I ever felt worth being stared at.
I couldn't believe how frighteningly wonderful it was, knowing that every chosen step that I was taking on that sidewalk was bringing me closer and closer to Tyler. It felt awesome, but I could also feel the pressure building from knowing he'd be right there in front of me. That weird tension that rose up between us, and always made me wonder if I was wasting time. Wasting time not telling him, wasting time thinking he'd ever want me, just....confused and lost and not knowing which way to turn. As much fun as I was having, I knew that I couldn't go on forever without saying something. Eventually, there was gonna come a time when I'd have to bare my soul and tell him everything I feel inside. I'm stuck between dreading that day, and not being able to WAIT until it gets here. So the thoughts of telling him crossed my mind again, and I came up with a plan. Just to...say it and get it overwith. That's what I'll do. I'll do it today. This MORNING even. I'll just...I'll say, 'Tyler...I love...' NO....no wait. I won't come out and say it like that. Maybe...maybe I'll just say, 'Tyler.I really like you a lot.' There, that's enough of a hint, right? Then, once I'm sure he's ok with that, I'll move into telling him I love him. And then, way WAY later...I'll talk to him about the hours and hours of hot passionate sex thing. I don't wanna push it.
Ok, so that's it. I'll tell him. We'll be walking to school, and I'll bring it up somehow. It made me nervous to even think about it, but I tried to build up enough confidence to battle the doubt in my heart. I don't want to get scared and go running again. I want him to know. I need him to know. I just wanna kiss him, just once. Sighhh....wow...just a kiss. A few uncomfortable moments of confusion and doubt would be worth it. Just for that kiss. I'd probably melt in his arms and never wake up again. All I have to do....is say the words.
I started getting a bit more antsy as I turned the corner to Tyler's block, and tried not to let the jitters in my stomach get the best of me. Everytime I get nervous, bad stuff happens. And I don't want to be tripping all over myself and causing stupid mishaps all the way to school. So I took a deep breath and tried calculating every step. Making sure that I didn't miss a single crack in the sidewalk. I actually felt pretty confident for a while...and then I caught a glimpse of Randy coming out of his front door on the other side of the street. And for some reason, a lot of that 'confidence' that I had building up got locked away for a few moments. You know...after all this time, even though I KNOW the situation, even though Tyler IS the greatest thing to EVER happen to me...I still gasp when I see Randy. I can't help it. I don't WANT to, but I do. I suppose old feelings die hard sometimes. There's just this undying piece of my heart that only Randy has been able to tap into, and it jumps everytime he gets near me. Sighhhh....I should just shut up and move on. I'm gonna teach myself to let go one of these days. Just....it doesn't look like it's gonna be today. He's still so cute to me...
However...in the distance, I saw Ryan walking up to join him. And it reminded me of why even entertaining the thought of being with Randy was a pipe dream that should have died along with my chances a long time ago. Randy's whole world lit up when Ryan came towards him, and I guess I should be happy that he's happy. All in all, there's no fightng it. They're perfect together.
I didn't want them to see me staring. They seemed to be trading a few jokes back and forth, and giggling together all nice. I didn't want to...you know...get in the way or anything. So I kinda put my head down and tried to walk by unnoticed. Not that they'd notice me anyway. They don't notice anybody when they're together. The only two members of their own private club. I should just keep walking.
"Good morning, Ariel." Ryan called out, and I knew I had been caught. The both of them smiled at me, and I could see how comfortable they were with one another. I wish I could be that way. You know...'comfortable' with someone. I sorta gave them a wave with my hand, and kept walking. Like I said, it wasn't my intention to interfere in their good times. But after walking another few steps, that seemed kinda rude and all. So I figured that I should at least attempt to say good morning and give them a smile. I stopped walking forward and crossed the street to join them.
"Hey guys." I said, hoping they heard me. My voice came out so soft sometimes. It annoyed the heck out of me, because I was really trying to stop being so soft spoken. I guess I'm just not very good at it yet.
"Out for your typical morning walk again, I see." Ryan knew why I was here. He knew that me and Tyler walk to school together, and he knew why. But I think they liked to tease me about it anyway. I didn't mind though...for Tyler, I'd go through anything.
"Yeah....I guess." I tried to talk a little bit louder, and it worked that time. I'm glad. I looked over at Randy, and felt that gentle tug on my emotions again, constantly reminding me how much I used to worship the ground he walked on. Plus...I always wondered what it was like, for him and Ryan. You know...having...sex and stuff. I imagine that it must be earth shaking for the both of them. But as incredible as it seemed in the back of my mind, it still hurt a little to see him with someone else. Not as much as it did that first day...but it stings a little from time to time.
I felt like my hair was just too damn long! Grrrr! And tried to make myself a bit more presentable without making it look like I was fidgeting. I brushed my hair back out of my eyes. But it started falling again the second I let go of it. I tried to speak up again, but my voice fell soft around him again on instinct. "Hey, Randy." He must be able to hear the love starved idiot in my voice, even though I try to hide it.
"Sup?" He answered, in the cutest way. He's still dreamy, I don't care WHO he's with. Then...he asked, "You guys feel like walking with us to school today?"
Uh oh...the plan. I've...I've gotta stick to the plan. No chickening out now. Not even for Randy. "Um...well...actually..." I was trying to get together some kind of excuse, trying to just say no and find the courage to stick to the mental blueprint I had going today, but the words just wouldn't come out right. They NEVER come out right!
But then...I looked further down the street....and I saw him. His shiny blond hair was the first thing that caught my eye. I could tell his honey sweetened locks anywhere, just from the way the sun seemed to shine just for him. Next came his shoulders, he has dreamy shoulders, you know that? You just...you just wanna hold onto them and like...slow dance with him in the middle of the street. And no matter what he dressed in, he always looked cool. His clothes would hug him so affectionately in all the right places. It made you quiver inside to see him walk. And when he had gotten all the way to the sidewalk and turned to look in my direction, my whole body felt numb. Being this weakened by love's embrace can be a scary thing sometimes. EXTREMELY scary if you're not one hundred percent sure that the other person feels the same way. But he was soooooo special to me. Irreplaceable in every meaning of the word. And if I could just close my eyes, I could swear I could hear his soul...whispering in my ear. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
"Don't sweat it, I understand completely." Randy said with a smile. I had totally forgotten what we were even talking about for a second or two. Damn...I must look so goofy to him now.
I wanted to hurry over and plant the biggest kiss on Tyler's lips that I could manage without knocking him over on his own lawn. But I didn't want Randy and Ryan to think that I was ditching them on purpose. Even though...I kinda was. "You sure?" I asked.
"Yes! Go! Hurry up before he starts getting anxious." Thank goodness! Just knowing that I was mere seconds away from seeing that blond angel of mine, was making these tiny little explosions go off inside of me. It almost overflowed and I didn't want to go giggling like some kind of madman, but I just couldn't stop the rush of energy that I felt inside. Awww.....Tyler is soooooo sweet, and....and...NICE! I mean, um...well...I'll just say it! He's HOT!!! And he's SEXY!!! And if I don't screw this up royally like I do everything else....he'll be all MINE!!!
I attempted to not let it show too much, but a huge smile curled up on my face anyway. I tried to bite my lip to contain it a little bit, but why bother. I wanted to share it with Tyler anyway. "Thanks." I said, wanting so badly to get over to my sweetie and be near his radiant aura again. "I'll see you guys later, ok?" And I took off. I hope I wasn't being short with Ryan and Randy, but I was in a hurry. My heart was being pulled so strongly in Tyler's direction that I had to try really hard to keep from running...maybe even skipping...in his direction. "Don't RUSH!" I thought to myself. "You'll look like a DORK! Just take it easy before you fall again, jackass."
I briskly made my way over to him at the end of the sidewalk, right under that tree that he's usually leaning against when I come to pick him up in the morning. He was wearing this deep red shirt and a pair of jeans. I looooved seeing him wear red. For some reason, it mixed in so perfect with his beautiful eyes and radiant blond hair. It was really breathtaking, and made it hard to not get punch drunk from his teeny bopper good looks. I swooned at the sight of his first smile of the day. "Hey..." I said, making sure it wasn't too softly spoken, wasn't too loudly spoken.
"Hi..." He never really had trouble speaking up, but Tyler's voice would drop just a little bit when he talked to me. And it was so cute that it made me blush in response. I really couldn't help myself. The blood would just rush to my cheeks and I'd have to look away to keep him from noticing. "So, you ready?" He said. I nodded silently, my smile almost making me giggle out loud. But I didn't dare speak. My voice would have given me away easily.
We started walking. A slow stroll that we had been sharing together for a while now. Not too long, but long enough to have gotten used to the routine. I would just stare at him out of the corner of my eye, you know? He would be talking, his voice turning me on with its mellow haze, and just as I was getting the courage to turn my head and catch a true glimpse of him...he'd turn his head and look directly AT me. So I'd have to look away, wait until he was looking in the other direction again, and then try to sneak a few more peeks at him. I don't think it was as much of a big deal to him as it was to me, but in my mind...it was the most amazing thing gracing this Earth. Oh wow...he's even more gorgeous today than he was yesterday. And yesterday...even more than the day before. I HAD to tell him. I HAD to! "So you ready for finals, this week?" I asked, not knowing what else to say, but secretly hoping that I could twist it around to saying 'God, I love you, you adonis!'
"Yeah,well...sorta. All except for my history class. My teacher is a real hard ass about exact dates. I think he's gonna try his best to pretty much make this test unpassable." Did you know that Tyler's lips always keep just the right amount of moistness when he talks. Isn't that dreamy?
"Oh. That sucks." I said, still trying to catch another peek at him.
"How about you?" He turned and caught me staring again. Dammit! I've gotta be careful about stuff like that. I pulled my gaze away from him and fidgeted with the strap of my backpack a little bit as I focused on the cement beneath me.
"Um...well, except for biology, I should do ok. My biology teacher doesn't like me very much." I said. "Or my math teacher." I added, "My gym teacher pretty much HATES me..."
Before I could finish, Tyler bursted out laughing. "Shut up! Listen to you." He said.
"Hehehe! It's true." I said, giggling a bit myself.
"C'mon, it's all in your head. I don't see how anyone could not like you, Ariel." There he goes...being sweet again.
"Thanks..." I said, my voice getting soft and stupd again. Speak up so he can HEAR you, Ariel! Arrrgh! "Ahem...thanks." I said a bit louder.
"Your welcome." He replied, and looked at me with an amount of eye contact that lasted just a bit longer than usual. I couldn't tell if it was my imagination, or if he was relaying some kind of hidden message to me through his eyes. A message that I have been waiting for ever since we went to the movies together for the first time. It was hard to tell though. There was so much gentle beauty in his features that it was causing a lot of interference with my ability to analyze much of anything. So I did what I always did...I blushed and looked the other way before I did something stupid.
The so-called 'plan' that I had designed on the walk to Tyler's house had all but dissolved into thin air. It wasn't so much that I chickened out, I think that I just got lost in him again. I honestly couldn't concentrate on anything else other than the sound of his voice, or the sleek thin frame of his body, or the way his blond hair would move as though it had a mind of its own or something. There was no 'planning' to be done when it came to him. Every strategy and heartfelt tactic you could create went right out the window the second you saw him face to face. It's like being willingly hypnotized on stage...where making a fool of yourself is fun.
We were only a few blocks from the school, and I knew that even if I decided to blurt out how I felt now, we wouldn't really have enough time to get into any kind of discussion about it. So I kept my mouth shut. Maybe I'll tell him at lunch. That'll be better. Or maybe...afterschool. No...I said I was going to do it on the way to school, so I should stick to that plan. I'll tell him tomorrow. That'll be better. Unless of course...it would be better on Wednesday....of NEXT WEEK. Just then, as I was pushing the 'confession date' back further and further, I saw Tyler slow down a bit and start looking in his back pack for something. He said he was just making sure that his homework was in there, but the only ting that really concerned me at that moment was the fact that his eyes would be off of me for a few quick seconds. Meaning my eyes were free to roam wherever they liked.
I started by looking at his hair, and went down to his neck. Then back up at is cute thin lips. Next were his shoulders, and then...back to his neck. Wow...I had such a fascination with Tyler's neck. It looked so tastey to me. I would gladly suck on it for an entire day straight if he'd let me. He was just a bit taller than me, so I was usually at eye level with it at all times. Watching him while he was rummaging through that backpack was better than any skin flick you could find online. I think he found what he was looking for, because he started walking again at normal speed, and looked to be pushing everything back in order. It made me regret not using the time to stare at parts of him below the waist. So as I walked a pace or two behind him, I made sure to look at his butt. I had to, it was right there next to me, I might as well ogle him for a bit longer. Of course, he had on jeans that were a bit loose on him, and I couldn't REALLY see all that much. But what I couldn't see, my sexed up brain filled in nicely. The roundness of it, the tightness of it, the sweet little wiggle of it as he walked forward. Man, you just wanted to crush your face against it and never let go. I was staring at it so hard, that I failed to notice a few low branches hanging over my side of the sidewalk. Tyler ducked down a little to avoid it, but when he did, all I could see were those taut globes of teenage perfection being pressed firmly against the material of his jeans. I was more interested in that moment than I was thinking about why he did it, and the next thing I knew I had a face full of leaves and breaking twigs in my hair! I shook my way out of it, spitting out what I hoped to GOD wasn't a bug! And then tried to straighten up as quickly as possible to make it look like it didn't even happen. I looked at Tyler to make sure he didn't see that, but come on, who was I fooling? I was just tangled up in a tree for crying outloud. It was humiliating, but Tyler chuckled away with the sweetest laugh.
"Hehehe...Ariel...are you ok?" He grinned.
"Yeah. I'm...I'm sorry." I turned even more red than I was before, but couldn't help but smile at my misfortune.
"You've got some stuff in your hair." He said.
I must look like such a moron. "Shit...I'm sorry. Really."
"Hehehe, don't be sorry. It was an accident." He said, and put his backpack down for a second. "Here, let me get it..." He stepped closer, and there he was...standing right in front of me. His chest almost touching mine, my lips less than six inches away from his smooth long neck. I'm surprised that I didn't hyperventilate being this close to him. He smelled soooo good. My mouth went dry and I tried to maintain some kind of normality as he brushed me off. He used both his hands to pick the leaves and small wooden pieces out of my hair, and while he was looking up at what he was doing, I was taking a closer look at his eyes. His lips. Even the flawless texture of his cheeks. I was speechless, my love for him almost causing my head to spin. As he was finishing up, he brushed his fingers through my hair a few more times to catch anything he might have missed. The feeling of his hands touching me, rubbing my head and sometimes grazing the tops of my ears...it was making me extremely horny. I could feel myself getting really hard with no way to hide it, and I was doing all I could to fight it. "Ok, I think that's all of it." He said, and he brought his eyes back down to look at me. But this time, I didn't turn away right away. This time I felt like I couldn't turn away. I was locked in, and unable to move. He was so cute, I think I actually paralyzed myself with the thoughts that were going through my mind. He just looked at me for a second, and I heard a little whimper escape from out of my closed lips. Shit....aww I hope he didn't hear that.
"Th-th-thanks..." I stuttered breathlessly. He held the eye contact and he let the most sensual smile cross his lips. I finally got the ability to look back down at my feet, and felt myself getting nervous again. As though my heart had suddenly said, 'That's it! That's enough! Now back away before you overdose!' My chest was pounding and my stomach started to tremble uncontrollably as I took a step back from him. Just enough distance so I could breathe again. That's when I noticed that he began to look away too. I hope he didn't take what I just did as a rejection. Because it wasn't! Oh Tyler, you have to believe me. I just...I'm no good at handling these things, that's all. I cleared my throat so I might be able to speak clearly again. "Um...my hair...I know it's a bit long..." I didn't know what else to say. There were huge gaps in my sense of logic and nothing was coming to fill them in with anything intelligent.
"No it's not." He said. Tyler reached out his hand again to gently run his fingers through the left side of my hair to lift them up and tuck them behind my ear. "I like it." He smiled, and I think he tried to lock eyes with me again. But something about this stupid STUPID fear of mine refused to let him do it. I was annoyed, frustrated, almost ready to scream out in anger...but I was too scared to let my love for him go any further than it was at that very moment. I wish I could understand why, but I don't. I guess that this is all the love that my heart could handle right now. "I like...everything about you, Ariel. I mean...you know that right?"
Omigod! Omigod omigod omigod! SAY something! DO something! Is this real, or am I making this up? Just my luck I'm actually passed out somewhere on the ground and have been dreaming the last five minutes. "I...I...." Come on Ariel! You can say it! I LIKE YOU TYLER!!! SAY IT! "I...um...uhhhh..." Why am I SHAKING so bad??? Why can't the words come out? "Tyler...?"
"Yeah?" He was waiting for it, I could tell, but I just couldn't really put the words together. I tried, but I COULDN'T!
"Um...me too." Ok, it's not exactly what I had planned. But that was a LOT easier to say than the alternative. I was literally rattling myself to pieces here, and I knew he could see me trembling. I guess I still have to build up to the other part of telling him how I feel.
I think he got the hint, and he never lost any of that sweet angelic grace of his. Not for a single second. So without pushing for anything further, he grinned and said, "We should go. We'll be late." Tyler picked up his bag and we started walking the rest of the way to school. I made sure to position my bag in front of my obvious hard on. I don't think he saw it, thank goodness, but I wasn't about to give him the opportunity to either. I hope he doesn't see me walking funny. I'm reeeeaaally hard after having him touch and talk to me like that, so hard it hurts...and it's difficult to hide when you're moving.
It was heartbreaking to split up from him once we had gotten into the school. And as I watched him disappear into the hall to go to his next class, I began to really regret not saying anything like I had planned. I was kicking myself. I had EVERY opportunity to truly express how good he makes me feel....and I blew it. Again. I wish I knew what made me freeze up like I do whenever I get around people. Especially people I love. I'm just a dork, that's what. 'Me too'...sighhh...stupid.
My other classes were filled with thoughts of what happened that morning. With me thinking of all the cool things I could have said to Tyler if I was brave enough to do it. I don't think I learned a single thing that morning, which is quite a feat for a whole half day of school. I just wanted him to know how I felt. I wanted to let him know that I would do anything for him. But he just makes me so damn vulnerable to thoughts of every little thing that could possibly be wrong with me. How am I supposed to function when I feel so small in his presence? No wonder he doesn't want me coming over to his house. I asked, and he said sure, but it's not like he set an actual day for it or anything. He probably just said yes to be nice or something. It's better that way anyway. Just my luck, I'd burn it down to the ground by mistake.
Right before lunch, I ducked into the library for a second to drop off the books I checked out last week. And while I was getting ready to leave, I caught a glimpse of Hailey and one of her friends walking through. She looked so sad. At first glance, I was bracing myself for the usual 'get out of my way, Ariel' attitude or a complete detour from my disaster zone. But this time she was too preoccupied with other things to even really notice me. The two girls walked past me, and I stepped aside to lean against something and give them some room. I heard Hailey almost sobbing, "I don't get it. I really liked him, Amber. You know?" And that was it. Weird, Hailey never actually struck me as being a....a...you know...a 'girl', before. I guess people are more three dimensional than you usually give them credit for.
I turned to walk away...but my bag was caught on something, and I realized too late that I had been leaning against the card catalogue in the library. My bag pulled one of the little drawers all the way out, and the cards went spiraling down to the floor. They were everywhere. Another frustrating blow for the accident prone geek. Sighhh. One of the librarians walked over, saw the mess on the floor, and saw the drawer still hanging empty from my backpack. "I certainly hope you've brushed up on your Dewey Decimal System, son." He said, and I knew that I was going to be stuck there for a while.
Damn library card system piece of shit fucking....ARRRGH! I had wasted a third of my lunch hour cleaning that stuff up and putting it back in order! Tyler must be looking for me. Now I've made things even WORSE, because he probably thinks that this morning scared me off or something. Why am I such a KLUTZ?!?! I hurried down to the lunchline to get something to eat, but when I walked into the room, there was food all over the floor. And the walls. And a tray that looked like it was nearly broken in half on the floor. Ok...that's not normal. Still, my only goal was to grab some grub and get out to the table before Tyler thinks I'm trying to avoid him.
However...when I stepped out of line...I saw another boy sitting next to Tyler. Sitting....sitting in my seat. I stopped for a moment, not even knowing what was going on, but feeling my heart deflate anyway. Who was HE? Was he a friend of Tyler's? He was just as good looking as the people you see on tv, blond hair and the perfect features. The perfect size, the perfect smile. The kind of boy I'd expect...Tyler to go for.
I think I felt a sting of pain go through me, and considered just turning around to go sit somewhere else. I don't know who this other boy was, but I didn't think I wanted to know. That's when I saw Tyler's head sort of look around the room, and I changed my mind. I took a deep breath, and walked over. Please don't let him have found someone else. Please? Just give me ONE more chance, and I'll tell him. I PROMISE!
As I walked up, I heard the other boy asking, "Ariel? Who's Ariel?" And then he looked up at me.
"Hi...." I said, looking over at Tyler. He seemed happy to see me, but I still wasn't sure what all of this was about. I just stood there like a dummy.
The cute kid smiled at me. "Awwwww...why aren't YOU adorable? You're Ariel, huh?" Me? Was he serious? I saw Randy and Ryan smiling, and I nodded silently, trying not to blush. "They didn't tell me you were so cute. Far be it from me to take your seat, cutie." And thankfully, he slid over to the left. Giving me the chance to sit next to Tyler. I'l have to admit, it was a HUGE relief! I have NO idea how to compete for the affections of another boy. And going up against 'Mr. Born In A Lab' here was not a good way to get started. Tyler's warm and welcome smile lifted my heart again, and I knew I was home. I sat down in my chair, but noticed something underneath me right away. It was a HAND! And it squeezed my ass when I sat on it! I popped back up right away, and saw the new boy giggling to himself, with Ryan laughing right along with him. He squeezed my ass! I didn't know whether to be offended or excited. Nobody had ever really 'grabbed' me before. It was a whole different world of contact, and I started to blush so hard that I just wanted to cover my head with a bag. It shocked me, but it felt kinda good at the same time. Weird. "Sorry..." The boy said. "...I thought I dropped a dime out of my pocket." Sure. Whatever. Just so long as I get to be next to my baby.
I looked briefly over at Randy, who smiled at me before eating his lunch again. Seeing this new boy and Ryan talking the way they were, I don't think he was too happy. But he seemed to be trying to fake it anyway. I saw a janitor come into the cafeteria to clean up and asked, "What happened in the lunchline? There's food everywhere."
"Cody got in a fight." Randy answered.
"He did? Why?" I liked Cody, he was cool. A bit abrasive at times, but I sort of admired his ability to say whatever he thought he needed to say. Much better than MY feeble attempts to be social.
"Somebody was screwing with him. I guess he couldn't take it anymore." Randy shrugged.
"That boy has a temper out of this world. I swear, he's gonna get himself killed around here if he's not careful." The other kid added.
Cody was Randy's friend, and I could tell he was concerned. Randy was always concerned. It was one of the things I loved about him in the first place. That's when Ryan said, "Yeah...he's going to have to stop teasing some of these bigger kids or they're going to pound him something awful. It's just a matter of time." It didn't really show much, but I think Randy was kinda bugged by that statement too. Then again, nobody wants to imagine their friends being in any kind of trouble.
"You were late today, what happened?" Tyler asked, his voice dropping to that flattering tone of his again. It made me smile in embarassment.
"I had an accident in the library. They made me stay and clean it up. That's all." I said.
"How unfair." He smiled. "You know...I thought...maybe you had gotten weird because...well...you know."
I stared into his eyes for a moment, hoping he would finish, not knowing how to finish for him. "No...what? Weird because of what?"
Tyler blushed this time, and he didn't do that often. My heart stopped for a second, as though it was waiting to hear what he had to say too. "Because...I said that I liked you today." He ran his fingers through his blond hair, and I almost found myself whimpering again. I HAVE to keep those little sounds under control! "I probably shouldn't have said anything. But...it's true, you know?" He said.
I swallowed hard, feeling the butterflies in my stomach swirling around at the speed of light. "Oh...well that's ok." I said. "I mean...I....I just..." And my tongue tied itself in a knot again as I tried once again to expose my inner most feelings to the boy I love.
"It's ok. You don't have to say it if you don't..."
"I really like you, Tyler." That was it! It just....HAPPENED! I don't know why it suddenly came out so easily, but it did! And it felt like a ton of cement blocks had just been lifted off of my shoulders, allowing me to lie weightless in Tyler's love again.
He giggled shyly, looking away from me momentarily. It was so cute. I never wanted to kiss him more than I did at that moment. "Really?" He asked.
"Uh-huh..." I struggled to get my breath back, but was so excited that I could hardly keep myself from falling out of that chair. I was TELLING him! I was TELLING him!
"Hellooooooo?" Came Ryan's voice from accross the table. I dimmed my smile down and tried to pay attention to what they were saying.
"Sorry. What's going on?" Tyler said.
"We were talking about getting together and hitting a carnival for Spring break. You guys in?"
A carnival? I wasn't so sure. I only went to one carnival when I was younger, and ended up barfing over the edge of my first roller coaster ride. Chilli dogs and ginger ale, a deadly combination for any ride dropping you that fast. "Um...I dunno..." I said, but I knew I'd go if my angel was going. I looked over at Tyler, admiring his smile. If he goes, I'll follow. I'll follow him anywhere.
"I don't know either. You wanna go, Ariel?" He grinned.
I could tell that he wanted to go. So I figured I'd do it. I'll just be sure to stay away from the 'dangerous' stuff this time around. "Uhhh...sure, I'll go if you go."
"There's no way I'd go without you." Awwww...there he goes, making me wiggle in my seat again with his sweet little antics. He's so awesome.
I think Ryan was a bit lost as to what we had decided. "So.....is that a yes?" He asked.
"Yeah. Sure...we'll go." He said, and focused his attention back to me. He could effortlessly level you with his eyes sometimes. He made me so weak. "You know...I think about you all the time." He whispered, giving my whole body this rush that just wouldn't stop. It was like being suddenly dashed with ice cold water, chills and all.
"I...I think about you too..." I could hardly speak. I was shaking so bad. But I was swept up in the current, letting my heart guide me in the right direction. Finaly talking to Tyler no matter HOW terrified I was.
"Cool." He smiled. "I'm...glad." We locked eyes again for another few seconds, and he gently put his hand on my leg under the table. "Hey...do you wanna get out of here for a little bit?" I think Randy and Ryan heard what he said, but I knew that it was meant just for me. So I let a big smile spread across my face, and put my hand on top of his.
"Yeah. Ok." And he removed his hand from my leg to stand up.
"Hey, you guys? We're going to go out and get some air. K?" He told them, and I stood up, trying not to bounce around too much.
"Leaving so soon?" Ryan asked, bu Randy saved me by elbowing him in the ribs. "OW! Shit!"
"You two go ahead. Have fun, and we'll catch up with you later." Randy said, winking at me as I left the table. You know...as upside down as I was over Randy, it really meant so much to me to know he was happy for us. It truly did.
"See you around, cutie pie." The other boy said. And he blew me a kiss. I didn't know exactly how seriously I should take him. He was probably just playing around. But I could feel the blush in my cheeks anyway and was happy to follow Tyler out of there. Hotties don't blow me kisses, it just doesn't happen.
Besides, Tyler's were the only kisses I was looking for anyway.
I trotted happily at Tyler's side until we got outside. There were other kids around, but none of them mattered. Not now. I felt like a helium balloon ready to burst. He took me around to the side of the school fence, and stopped. "You know...I don't want to put any pressure on you or anything...but...remember when you said you wanted to come over some time?"
Omigod! My chest started pounding again, and I was practically on my tip toes with excitement. "Um....hehehe....yeah?" I started giggling, trying so hard not to let my smile get out of control.
"Well...I was thinking...how about tomorrow?" TOMORROW??? That was a bit faster than I had expected. I think he saw the look of doubt on my face, because he almost started to take it back. "But you don't HAVE to! I mean, if you'd rather..."
"Sure! I mean...YES!" I blurted out. I'm not going to miss out on this.
"YES!" I said, and he blushed again. It was AMAZING seeing him turn red! I loooove it when he's wearing red!
"Um...ok. Awesome. Well, you know where to find me. Just...um...meet me after school, and we'll walk over. K?"
"Ok..." I said, my insides a jumble of knots and quivers. "I'll come." And he giggled at my comment. "OVER! I'll...I'll come OVER!" I said, shocked at my own statement. Which, at this point, wasn't that far from the truth!
"Cool." And then he did the SWEETEST thing! He looked around to make sure no one was looking, and then he kissed the tip of his two fingers...reaching out to press them against my lips. I fell back against the fence and just closed my eyes as my whole body shut down in response. "Hehehe...you areso cute sometimes." He said, and he gave me his hand to lift my back off of the fence.
We spent the next five minutes walking around the whole school and back to the door where we started. Just...enjoying our privacy. I never would have thought that this could happen! I never would have thought it was possible! I never thought I could tell him, or that he would tell me! But now..after all this time...it felt like things were really going to happen. Ladies and Gentlemen...I think I may have just scored myself a potential boyfriend!