Going out to the park with Tyler that afternoon...I wasn't really prepared for what happened. It made me feel kinda awkward. I dunno...maybe it's because I've been so damn frightened of him lately. That's what made him not want to hang out with me, isn't it? It's my fault. Now he thinks I'm having second thoughts. Nooooooo....I don't want him to think that. If only I could...UGH!!!...if only I could find the words to tell him how I feel without being all goofy and stupid about it. Because I REALLY want him to know. But I don't know how to say it right. So....I guess I just try to get comfortable without saying...anything. And now Tyler probably thinks that I don't care at all. That's something that I've gotta seriously correct some time soon.
See....what he said when we went out to lunch was something like...well...wait, let me make sure I'm remembering this right.
Tyler and I went somewhere private off of school grounds to get some lunch, and I was being 'dumb ol' Ariel', like usual. Just staring at him and feeling all timid and weird around him but I can't help it because he's sooooo beautiful. There's something about the way he looks at you. Like...I dunno...like you're the only person that even comes close to having his attention. It makes me feel...special. You can't help but to stare right back at him when he does that...and then you forget what you were going to say, and while you're trying to remember...you realize that you're not paying attention to what he's saying, and you try to focus, but...he's soooooo CUTE! Anyway, my brain gets all twisted, and I totally forget how to be normal whenever he's around. And when he speaks to me...it's like this super angelic voice. Tyler talks like he's been in love with me his whole life. And it changes pitch, just a little bit, when he smiles. I blush every time I hear it. It's like....sexy.
It's hard being close to him without kissing him anymore. Now that I've gotten a yummy little taste of what it's like to kiss those perfect lips, it's all I can think about. So having lunch with him in the park was like a dream for me. Especially because he seemed to have something on his mind. He kinda brought up the fact that we were still getting together to be alone the day after tomorrow. I think it just kinda caught me by surprise. I mean...I wasn't really scared...or....or maybe I was just a little bit scared...heck, I don't know. All I know is that my heart start beating a hundred miles an hour, my hands started shaking, and suddenly my lungs couldn't seem to get enough air in them to operate properly. Tyler must have seen me avoiding his eyes, because he stopped talking about it. In fact, he changed the subject completely.
Awww, I'm doing it again. I'm ruining everything. I was trying to think of something to say to get his attention back on Wednesday again. I was trying to fight through this big fog of shyness and confusion so I could let him know that I was...you know...interested. But I just...I couldn't. All I could do was stutter and mumble under my breath and blush like a stupid baby. I even tried to look him in the eye, but sometimes that makes it worse. It hurts to look at him sometimes. Actually hurts.
Finally, Tyler was like, "Ariel...you know...I was thinking about things. And if...I mean...if you ever feel like I'm 'pushing' you..." He paused for a second. To think up the right words, I guess. "...Ariel, if you think that Wednesday is a bad idea...well, not a bad idea, but...we don't have to hang out if you don't want to." I swear, if I could have hit myself in the head with a brick right then and there, I would have. No no no...this was all wrong! I still wanted to go to his house on Wednesday. I mean...didn't I? Wait...of COURSE I do! I was trying to SAY something but every word that I thought up in my head couldn't get past my 'Dumb Things Ariel Shouldn't Say' filter. Everything I could possibly say to him was a total embarrassment before it even left my mouth. I just...SAT there. Turning red in the face. "It's ok if you say no. I mean it. We can do it another time."
Please don't think that I don't wanna 'do it' with you, Tyler. Please please please? Because I really really do. God...I want him sooo bad that it makes my tummy ache at least three times a day. I just...I'm not good at saying, 'Hey Tyler, I can't wait for you to fuck me.' It's just not something I can bring myself to say.
The silence was too long. I was sure of it. Tyler smiled a little, but that wasn't a real Tyler Jordan smile. A Tyler Jordan smile makes all of your insides vibrate, and your bones hum. He really thinks I don't want to be around him. It broke my heart. I squirmed and I shuffled a little bit, and I took a really deep breath, but I doubted that I was speaking at a volume that another human being could actually hear...which makes talking at all kinda pointless. He said, "What's that?"
Great...now I have to do it again. If I'm gonna completely use up all of my courage, I might as well get it right the first time.
"Umm...we can still...do stuff on...the day." I said. Did that sound right? "On Wednesday, I mean. That would be...you know...cool." There. Does that sorta say what I need it to say? I lowered my head I didn't wanna look at him. I couldn't look at him. I felt kinda...dirty now. Did I just totally 'offer' myself to my boyfriend? Awww, now Tyler's gonna think I'm all sex-nasty and weird.
"It's ok. If you're not cool with it..."
"I'm cool with it. I mean...if you're still cool with it." I asked. I peeked cautiously at the dazzling blue splendor of his eyes, and just a glimpse of them made me so weak in the middle that I nearly fainted. I had to force my head back down and look at something else. "I mean...since we already...made 'plans' and...and stuff." Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. This is so weird for me right now.
"Ariel, you'd tell me if...you thought this was too fast, right?" He asked, and I struggled even more to say something to express how I felt. But I just shook my head back and forth. "You wouldn't?"
"Oh...I mean...yeah. I was saying...'no' about...the other thing."
"Moving too fast?"
"Yeah. I mean...I mean no..."
"Hehehe I think I know what you mean." He grinned.
"You do?" I whined, really hoping that he wasn't just saying that to make me feel better. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I love you, ok? I just...I worry sometimes. The last thing I want to do is pressure you into anything. But...if I back off and try to give you some space, I don't want you thinking that I don't....you know..." This time, he turned red in the face.
"...That...that you don't what?" I asked, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy with anticipation.
"...Umm...want you." He giggled. "Because I do."
My eyes widened. My jaw dropped. And somehow all of that jittery energy inside reached a peak and bursted out of me like an erupting volcano. I laughed out loud and had to cover my mouth. Want me? Tyler wants me? Omigod omigod omigod! I wish he would say it again. It was so CUTE the way he said it. Like...like...he wants me. Hehehe, oh wow..I'm gonna totally fall over if I don't find a way to get some strength back in my knees. "I um...I kinda..." Awww, I wanted to say it back. I REALLY wanted to say it back. But something stopped the words for private inspection before actually speaking them aloud.
"Hehehe, I told you, Ariel...you don't have to..."
"I want you too!" I said, and bit my bottom lip as though it would keep me from smiling after my outburst. "I...I want you too."
I think I shocked him by saying that. But instead of him thinking that I was being dirty, he gave me this really big smile. An official Tyler Jordan original. Oh wow...it was breathtaking. He doesn't mind at all about me being 'pervy'. In fact, I think he liked it. "Really?"
"God, yes. Hehehe...uhhh...I do."
We were out there in the open, but Tyler reached out, and gently took a hold of my hand. He just kinda...caressed it for a moment. It was like magic...feeling his soft skin touching mine. His fingers are awesome. They're like...long and thin and just...cool His hands are warm. So warm. I didn't even realize that I was staring at our hands until Tyler tenderly lifted my chin a bit with his other hand. My hair was sorta in my eyes, but he softly brushed some of my chestnut brown locks aside, and I was suddenly caught staring into the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I started to feel queasy, but I held the eye contact for as long as I possibly could. It scared me, but I liked it.
Tyler smiled at me and said, "I think you've got a naughty side." I almost kissed him right then and there. I thought I'd totally lose control and just do it without thinking. But instead, I just giggled to myself and nodded in agreement. "In that case...I can't wait."
That one comment kept me floating on air for the rest of the day. It really did. He makes the whole world is unreal, you know? I think I wiggled in every classroom seat from English to Spanish over the next few hours. He wanted me. Did I totally imagine that, or what? He wanted me. Sighhhh...that's so 'wow'.
I tried to study that night. I had to finals in the morning time, and I was sure that the second one was gonna beat my brain up pretty good. I don't think I got much done though. I mean..Tyler was the only thing on my mind. It was like waiting for Christmas. But worse. Because I kept imagining what...'sex' with Tyler would be like. It shakes me up just to see him from across the room. And to KISS him...I've already had an accident while kissing him in my room. That was just for a few minutes...and my GRAMMS was home at the time! What would it be like alone at his house? I mean...I've never seen Tyler naked before. Oh man...what if he's like...too beautiful when he's naked? What if he takes off his shirt and I ejaculate all over the place? I wish I wasn't so inexperienced with this stuff. I want to be...you know...good. I wanna make Tyler happy. I should have practiced more. Ugh, my teddy bear has totally been molested over the last few weeks. I swear, sometimes that stuffed animal is giving me a look of shame. I wouldn't be surprised if he took out a restraining order on me at this point.
I kept my face in the books, but...sighhhh, what's the use. Do you know how difficult it is to try to study with a boner hard enough to scrape the bottom of my desk? I was squirming and wiggling...trying to find a position that wouldn't make it ache so much. But nothing worked. I wonder what the rest of him tastes like. I wonder if he'll just, like...open his legs and let me...'have' him. Omigod...thinking like this is only making it worse. The very thought of a few seconds of heavy breathing with my boyfriend is enough to keep me clueless about the rest of reality for hours at a time. It was pointless to avoid fantasizing about him, so I just shut my notebooks and took a few moments at my computer to zone out for a while. I know I'm being a dork, but I don't think I know how to be anything else when it comes to him. How the heck did I get through my day before knowing Tyler liked me? Weird.
I wanna lick him so bad it hurts. All of him. He smells really good. Not that I just walk around smelling him all day, but...he uses this really cool smelling bath and shower gel. I can really smell it when I'm close to his neck. And it mixes with the scent of his shampoo. It's like this fragrance of...warm sunshine or something. Like, when you see the prettiest softest blond hair ever on a really cute boy...that's exactly how you expect it to smell. I bet he tastes the same way. Oooh, or even better. That would be hot. I wonder what I taste like? I sniffed my arm, but didn't smell anything. My mom always buys this scentless sport soap stuff. It's clean but...I'd rather be more like Tyler. Geez, I can't believe I'm thinking about this right now. I'm so weird.
I got online and was looking up...um...sex stuff. Not porno stuff, but like...stuff that I was hoping would be informative. I found some stuff before but it really wasn't what I was looking for. I clicked on a few links to check them out. Hmmmm...they sure do curse a lot on these sites. Then I found something interesting.
Some sexual health site thingy said that personal diet can greatly affect the taste of your semen, and it gave tips on how to make oral sex more enjoyable. I only read the first sentence or two before spacing out and thinking about Tyler and I sucking each other. Oh...oh wow...or me pleasuring him. I fidgeted in my seat again and had to straighten myself up a little. If he puts his tongue on me, I'm gonna scream and melt right off of the bed.
I shook myself free of the idea, and pushed down on my lap for a few seconds so I could keep reading. Then it said something like, 'sweetened citrus fruits and juices are known for giving your ejaculate a pleasant, sugary flavor, while dairy products such as milk and cheese give it more of a bitter taste.' Juice. Hmmm...I read through the list, and some of the comments in the forum below the article, and everybody said that the best was pineapple juice. Hey, I like pineapple juice. I wonder if Tyler would get a sugary flavor from me if I got some. Or if I drink a LOT of it, then it'll be really candy sweet. I should totally do that tomorrow. And I'm gonna buy some good shower soap too. I'll be AWESOME for him by the time I get to his house on Wednesday. Umm..not that anything is gonna happen. I mean...it MIGHT happen, but it's not like a guarantee. Well..if it happens I'll be ready, right? With my...candy sperm and sexy 'skin smell'. Hehehe, yeah...I wanna be perfect. I want the whole DAY to be perfect. Omigod...this is it, isn't it? Who needs 'virginity' when you've got the sweetest tasting semen on the block?
The next morning I woke up a full twenty minutes before my alarm went off. I guess I was just super excited about stuff. You know how you get in this mood where you just wish you could push time along faster than the slow crawl it's torturing you with? It was definitely like that. I went down to the kitchen in just my boxer shorts...just really quick. But Gramms was already up and bubbling a pot of coffee for my mom and dad. "Morning, Gramms."
"Ariel? Put some clothes on. You'll catch cold."
"I will in a minute. Promise." I opened the fridge and started moving stuff around. Hmmm...there's gotta be something in here somewhere.
"What are you looking for?" She asked me.
"Gramms? Do we have any..um...pineapple juice in here. Or like...some fruit stuff?" I should have thought of this days ago. I'd already be sugary sweet by now.
"Pineapple juice? Well...no, I don't believe so?" She said. "There are a few bananas ripening in the window."
"Uhhh, no, that's no good. I don't think. I need pineapple."
She gave me a weird look as my butt wiggled back and forth out of the fridge. "Your mother has some fruit cocktail cups that she takes to work with her for lunch."
"Oooh, that would be awesome. Where are they?"
"In the pantry."
I hurried over, grabbed three of the fruit cocktails and a spoon, and hurried back up to my room. If I start now, I should be producing some sexy tasting nectar by tomorrow. Or...at least I hope I will be. I don't know how fast this kinda thing is supposed to work. Only one way to find out, right?
I sat on my bed and turned on my computer while I started eating. Tyler sent me an email last night just to say, 'I love you' before he went to bed. I think all the air rushed out of my lungs when I saw that, and I was honestly moved by the sentiment. I mean...I never thought that people really did that kinda thing. you know...just think of their sweetie all day long. I thought I was just being a psycho or something. It just made my morning that much better.
I came down to grab some water, and my Gramms practically forced to sit down and eat something for breakfast. Something about having a good and balanced breakfast so my brain will work ok when I take my finals today. She offered me some milk, which I quickly turned down. NO bitter semen dairy products! Just juice. Hehehe, I don't know how I didn't stumble across this information before. Isn't the internet awesome?
She did make some pancakes and scrambled eggs and stuff though, and she was sitting at the table, listening to the news on the radio and kinda watching me. So I kinda had to eat it. I didn't read anything about pancakes..although, I'm pretty sure that eggs are bad dairy stuff. I'll just have to drink more juice to make up for it later. There's a vending machine with pineapple juice bottles in there. I'll take a bunch of change with me. Problem solved.
My Gramms sat at the table with me, and I was just minding my own business and stuff, but I think she was like...watching me. It was weird. "What? What did I do?"
She smiled. "You didn't DO anything, Ariel. Can't I just look at my grandson and be proud of what I see?"
"Proud? Heh...yeah, right."
"What have I told you about putting yourself down? You may not realize it as anything significant, but your subconscious takes that kind of thing seriously. Especially when you say it out loud. So stop it." She demanded.
"I can't believe that you don't know what a beautiful boy you are. You're too sweet to be this self conscious."
"I'm not. Honest." I said, feeling...um...self conscious.
"If you say so." She sighed. "But one day, you're going to realize that you have so much value, hon. And that's when the sparks are really going to fly. Mark my words on that." The coffee finished dripping, and she turned off the pot, getting a cup for herself and sitting back down at the table. "What? No Tyler this morning?"
"Oh...no." I said. "Tyler's first exam isn't until 11:45 this morning. So...I mean, there's no reason for him to get up two and a half hours early to walk with me if he doesn't have to." Then...feeling a bit nervous, I looked down at my plate and told her, "I...I was kinda thinking about...just going over to see him tomorrow anyway. You know, just to...hang out."
"Just to 'hang out', huh?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, and then gave me a grin. "Well...I don't se anything wrong with that."
"As long as you're home by dinner, I think it's good to see you get out of the house a bit more. There's so much more life out 'there' than there is in the comfort and isolation of your bedroom and your computer." I went back to trying to finish my plate, when I noticed her smiling at me again. Was I being 'backwards' again? I wasn't even thinking that heavily about Tyler at that moment. I swear I wasn't. But she just kept getting all...strange and mushy faced at the kitchen table. She even said, "I can always tell when you're happy, Ariel. Did you know that? Your father was the same way when he was your age. You just have a different 'glow' about you. It's hardly something that you should ever want to hide." Just then, we heard the doorbell ring. I was confused at first. Who the heck would be ringing the doorbell at THIS time of morning? I think my Gramms caught on just a second before I did. She said, "Hmmm, looks like maybe Tyler decided that you were worth the tiny loss of extra sleep after all." And she nodded her head for me to get the door.
"May I be excused?" I asked excitedly, and she told me to go. I wiped my mouth fast, and ran to the door. It can't be. It just CAN'T be!
Sure enough, I opened the door, and my blond sweetheart was standing there, looking all cute and giving me one of his amazing smiles. Sighhhh...the morning sunshine has SUCH a way of making him look even more beautiful than ever. Morning sunlight and sunset. It's like...his two sexiest times of the day.
"Tyler? What...what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to walk to school with you. Like always. Hehehe, why?"
"Awww, you said your tests don't start until later. You should be getting your sleep, not worrying about me."
"I wasn't worrying about you, Ariel. I just wanted to walk to school with you." I think I gasped out loud, and I put my hand over my mouth. There was a long silence, and Tyler grinned in the cutest way, as he shook his head. He leaned in a bit and said, "Good morning, Gramma Dalton."
"Hello, Tyler." She smiled back, cleaning up my plate and stuff. I guess she already figured that I wasn't coming back to the table....not now that my Tyler was here.
"So...you almost ready, or...?" He asked.
"Ummm...wow...yeah. I mean...hold on a sec. I'm gonna get...my stuff." I blushed, and...wow...WOW!!! He was really here!!! I felt an ache inside me as I had to turn around and leave his beauty behind for a few seconds, but I made an effort to do it anyway. I grabbed my backpack and stuff, and then I ran past Tyler in my sock feet, flashing him a brief smile as I ran upstairs to get some extra change. Then ran back downstairs to put my shoes on. "K...I'm ready."
"Hehehe, you are so adorable..." Tyler whispered. "I'll see you later Gramms."
"Bye, Tyler. Ariel, good luck on your..." But I shut the front door before she could finish. I was too excited to stand still. Omigod...why did he do that? I live far away. He could have just gone to school later. Awww, I hope he didn't feel obligated or anything.
"I'm sorry." I said as we were walking down the street together.
"About what? Ariel...I WANTED to be here today, ok? I couldn't sleep anyway. I guess I was anxious to see you again."
"Oh wow! Me too! I woke up this morning thinking about how much I...uhhh..." Ok Ariel, let's not get too freaky here. "...You were on my mind." I said, and he smiled, so I felt a little braver and said, "You're always on my mind, you know?" Oh man, did I just say that? It's WORKING! I'm actually talking in a flirty way to Tyler. YES!!!
"Come on. I'd be honored to escort you to your next 'A+' grade." He said, his charm practically knocking me over onto the neighbor's lawn.
"But...but what about you? You're super super early, Tyler."
"It's ok. I'm just gonna take my iPod and chill out in the library until my first exam. It's no problem." He stopped me from walking, and he said, "To be honest...I missed you. I know I just saw you yesterday, but...I wanted to see you. It kinda...makes me feel good."
It was one of those stupid moments when I wish that I had something more magically intelligent to say. Some kind of...really cool poetic verse to recite, or some TV/movie type of romantic speech to give him to make him see that he was the most...enchanting, most sensual, most heart bursting, love inspiring, human being to ever cross my path in my whole life! If only this sweet, sore, lovey dovey, feeling in my heart could somehow be described in plain everyday words...I'd give them ALL to the boy of my dreams. All of them.
I hated to say goodbye to him. I really did. But I had my final and he was...sighhhh....gonna go sit in the library and just wait for me. It's sooo hard to stop smiling when I think about it. I had to keep my knees together to keep from getting a raging boner in the middle of my test. Hehehe, Tyler makes me so goofy. So uncontrollably goofy.
I know that I did awesome on my test this morning. The questions seemed surprisingly easy when put up against what I was expecting. I guess all that studying came in handy after all. I guess I didn't have much to worry about. I finished with plenty of time left over, and they let me turn it in at the front of the room and go early. Awesome. Because I already knew where I was going, and what I was gonna do.
It's JUICE TIME!!!
I took all of my extra change and ran down to the school cafeteria to get as much pineapple juice as the machine would give me. They were like a dollar and twenty five cents each. Yikes! But I got all that I could. At least until it said that it was out. It was like 8 bottles, and I was hoping that it would be enough. I opened the first one, and started drinking right away. I was super hungry, but it was more important that I kinda 'fix' my taste. Just in case.
My Gramms put cheese on my coldcut sandwich, and I took it off, and used it to scrape some of the mayonnaise off of the bread and thro it away. None of that stuff. I'm going for perfection, and I've only got 24 hours left to make it happen. Maybe even less.
I saw Randy in between his tests. I guess he had his lunch break the same time as I did. He's still extremely cute, but I was trying really hard not to fascinate myself with his presence today. I swear, that's a crush that'll never go away. Everybody harbors lingering feelings for their very first love, I guess.
I was drinking as much as could, as fast as I could. I spent so much time drinking the juice that I hardly had time to finish my sandwich. I tried to gobble that up too, but I needed more juice so I didn't choke. "Ariel! Jesus, what's with the juice?" Randy asked me out of nowhere. Oops...I guess I was kinda making a pig out of myself.
"Huh? Nothing. I...I like pineapple juice." I finished off the bottle in my hand and put it down on the tray. "This will be the last one, promise." I slowed down a bit, but I wonder sometimes if Randy looks at me the way my Gramms does sometimes. I should look in the mirror every now and then just to make sure I'm not all 'gay' in the face. I'd hate to think that I'm running around town broadcasting my mushy feelings for Tyler everywhere I go. I thought about what I could do to maybe hide it, or if it was even necessary at this point. Finally, I just came out and asked him. "Randy...um...do I look...backwards at all to you? I mean, can you like...'tell'?"
Randy didn't get a chance to answer me before the bell rang, so I guess I'll never know. Maybe I'm thinking too much. My brain is twisted. Just before leaving, I dropped some of my empty bottles on the floor, and when I bent over to pick them up I could have SWORN that I saw Randy Stephens looking at my butt. How's THAT for delusional? It got me so hot and bothered that I sprung a boner right then and there and had to sit back down at the table to force it to go away. Hehehe, I don't know why that boy still has such an affect on me, but he does. Still makes me nervous. I was so hopelessly in love with him at one time. But that was before I found my angel. And now I'll never be the same.
Tuesday's finals were a breeze, and after they were over I made sure to get some more juice from the store. You wanna know something? I used to really like pineapple juice...but now I think I might have ruined the whole flavor of it for myself. Blecchhhh...my whole mouth feels sticky. Too much of a good thing...is a bad thing. Still, I hope it works. Maybe I'll give myself a 'taste test' before bed. Gosh, I hope this works.
I barely opened my eyes the next morning before I was rushing to get out of bed. I had woken up a few times earlier through the night, seeing nothing but darkness outside my bedroom window. I was too excited to really sleep much, but once I peeked at that window and saw that glorious sunshine pouring in...I KNEW it was Wednesday!
I showered super super clean. I literally lathered up, like...FIVE times with my new soap and shower gel. And I used the shampoo all over my little hairy spaces to. The one that smells like green apples. Hehehe, I'm such a girl sometimes, but I like it. I think my toes look funny. I really took a good look at them and I don't know...maybe it's me. Geez, my nipples are pointy today. I'm weird.
I drank one more glass of juice for breakfast, did 8 push ups on the floor....you know, so I can look kinda buff...probably should have done at least 11 but my arms got achy....and then I stepped outside into the sunshine. The air never smelled so sweet. The grass never looked so green. I've got a private date with the most scrumptious, most delicious boys in the whole wide WORLD! And this time...no matter how bad my nerves get, I'm gonna get nakey and have my way with him as many times as I possibly can.
Ariel....this is gonna be your day!
"The Shack Collection"
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