Knots is the story of two fourteen-year-old boys searching for the sexual and emotional identify. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.
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Pizza night was going to be the night. We were going out for pizza after the football game and Matt was going to sleep over. He usually sleeps on the floor on an air mattress, but I was thinking I'd ask him to sleep with me instead. I have a queen bed. Thinking about it made my stomach jump and my heart feel full, if that's possible. I wasn't sure what I'd do if he called me a queer, punched me, walked out of my house, and never talked to me again.
There's something I need to say before I go on. Those of you who've been reading from the beginning, know that I'm now in my 20's. So everything I write here is looking back in retrospect. I know it's a big word. Didn't know what it meant when I was in high school. It means looking back into the past from the present. So, of course, I hope I'm a little wiser than when I was 14. But I want to tell you the story as if it's happening now so you'll understand my thoughts and feelings. And discover know why Matt calls this book Knots. Matt's doing the same thing. After all, it was Matt who asked me to write this. I didn't want to do it at first. But now that we're this far, I'm glad he talked me into it.
Like I said, we lived in a conservative community, and if there were any gay guys in our school, they were keeping it a secret just like me. Sex was always on my mind, and because the girls showed interest, I figured I just as well start there and give the impression I'm heterosexual. Playing football helps, but having a cover girl doesn't hurt. A lot of girls were after me, so I started dating a lot of them because once football season started I could do more than just eat, drink, and sleep.
I overcame my shyness with girls and started rubbing my hands all over them, sticking my hands under their bras, and putting my hands between their legs. Like Emily said, she'd unleashed a sleeping giant.
At first, I fumbled around, and in some cases, the girls were far more experienced than me. Making out didn't do much for me until we started doing more than just kissing. It felt good when they put their hands in my pants and massaged my sleeping giant. I felt their tits and put my finger in their wet pussy. At first, the thought of it scared me. Anyway, I was either too gay or too excited, so couldn't get hard. It was like my horniness was locked up and I didn't have the key. What's a horny gay guy to do if there are no guys for him to suck, fuck, and be fucked by? Of course, fucking me is something a girl can't do. I was beginning to hope I was bisexual and could swing both ways. But my cock had a mind of its own and took a wait and see attitude.
My first experiences were experimental. We kissed and petted and I didn't feel much. Like I said, my cock had a mind of its own. I always had condoms just in case. I was slapped a few times and the girls said they never wanted to see me again, but many did. You just can't tell with girls. Guess you have to strike out a few times to hit a home run. Probably the same with guys. I don't really know.
I finally went all the way with a junior who asked me out on what she called, "our secret date." She didn't want anyone to know. My ego soared that a junior would want to go out with me. She taught me a few things and made me wonder about my sexuality. I'll have more to say about that later.
That night, after pizza, it was Matt I wanted. I thought he might be gay because he's always looked at me in that funny way of his. If he is, he hasn't come on to me. But I figured it would change that night.
The Edison High JV football team was undefeated after their 5h game. Matt racked up 455 yards and Andy had a 65% pass completion rate to Alan Hodges. Ernie had lost 37 pounds and was beginning to look like a beast of a football player. The four of them got together after their game at Ronnie's Pizza. The JV cheerleaders came in and sat at their table.
Ronnie's was the local high school hang out. All the tables in Ronnie's were round except for the booths. That way more kids could sit, talk, and eat. There were video games around the edge flashing their lights and making electronic music. The walls were wood paneled with pictures of the varsity football, basketball, baseball, and track teams.
Matt looked up and saw Gina with Randy Carter and Emily with Billy Martin walking in and heading for a booth. He nudged Andy and pointed. Everyone at their table followed his finger.
Ernie cleared his throat. "What you pointing at Matt?
"Thought I saw someone we knew."
Alice Jenkins, the head JV cheerleader said, "Didn't you guys go out with those girls?"
"Just friends," Andy said.
Matt followed with, "Yeah, just friends."
But deep down they were both jealous and a little mad at Billy and Randy, both of whom changed direction and were walking over with Gina and Emily. "Mind if we join you?" Billy asked.
The cheerleaders scooted over to make room. Gina and Emily smiled at Andy and Matt.
"Haven't seen you guys in a while," Emily said. "Guess you've been too tired, and only have time to eat, drink, and sleep."
Matt and Andy gave each other a look. Andy gave them a big smile. "Yep, that's why we're here. We're eating and drinking, and when we're done, we'll be sleeping."
One of the cheerleaders said, "By yourselves of course."
"Did I say otherwise?" Andy said with a grin.
Gina said hello to the cheerleaders, Allan, and Ernie. The others nodded.
Andy looked at Billy. "So Billy, are you taking Emily over to the park after pizza? She really likes the park. We went there on our first date. Be sure she keeps her hands off you because it will only happen once."
Emily glared at Andy. "You're an ass Andy." She stood up and pulled Billy's arm. "Let's get another table."
Billy grabbed Emily's hand and headed to an empty booth with Gina and Randy following. Randy slid in last. "So Emily, what went on in the park?"
Emily waved it off. "Nothing. He's trying to be funny. You know Andy, always the clown."
Randy slid in closer. "Sounds like there's more to it than that."
"Well, he and I went into the park. Matt and Gina were too afraid. That's all. We went in, talked a little, then came out?"
Randy gave her an inquiring look. "Are you sure that's all that happened?"
Emily looked pleadingly at Gina who said, "Yeah, that's what happened. They weren't gone long, but I didn't want to go into the park. Was afraid, so Matt stayed with me.
"Andy made it sound like more," Billy said.
"He's just a kidder," Gina said. "What could go on in the park in five minutes?"
Billy smiled. "I could do a lot in five minutes."
Emily looked Billy square in the eye. "Okay smart ass, what could you do in five minutes?"
"Well uh uh."
"That's what I thought. You guys are all talk, just like Andy--So can we order pizza and forget all this talk?"
"Good idea," Billy said.
They grabbed the menus to decide what to order.
Andy and Matt kept looking over at Gina and Emily.
"Nothing. I was just joking."
Matt stepped in. "As far as I know nothing happened. Andy's just a big talker. Sometimes he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut."
Jane Emerson, a cute blond sophomore cheerleader wouldn't let it go. "You may be his best friend, Matt, but I've heard a lot of rumors about him. I hear he's quite the ladies' man. So tell us, Andy, did Emily rub her hands all over you? Sounds sexy. I wouldn't mind rubbing my hands all over you myself."
"Help yourself," Andy said as he pulled his shirt up.
Jane blushed. "Nice abs, Andy."
She looked at Matt. When Andy saw that, he reached over and pulled Matt's shirt up.
"Keep your hands off," Matt said.
Andy lifted Matt's shirt higher. "But Matt, Jane wants your bod."
Jane blushed. "I didn't say that."
"But you were lookin." Andy didn't let it go. "Come on Matt, don't be afraid to show the girls what you got."
Matt pushed Andy's hands away and pulled his shirt down. "Knock it off Andy. It's not funny."
"Don't be such a spoil sport, Matt. Just wanted the girls to have a look so they can compare." Andy looked around the table and no one was smiling. "Okay. Let's order pizza."
The topic shifted to the night's football game as Matt and Andy occasionally glanced over at Gina and Emily, who acted like they didn't see them looking.
Andy and Matt walked home together after pizza.
"Andy, you're an ass. Why'd you bring all that crap up? You embarrassed Emily and then you embarrassed me."
"It pissed me off seeing Emily out with Billy. He's such a smart ass. Thinks he's cool."
"And you don't?"
"I am cool. He's not. That's the difference."
Matt laughed. "You're such a dumb shit. You could ruin Emily's reputation with all that talk. So she rubbed her hands over your chest once. She didn't do it again."
Andy stopped. You could see his breath in the cool air. "That's the problem. She didn't do it again. I kept hoping. I put the moves on her and nothing worked. She's nothing but a tease."
"Then take the hint. Move on. Like you've said before, `there are many fish in the sea.'"
"Maybe so old buddy, but Emily and I had something going."
Matt rubbed his hands roughly over Andy's chest. "Well, you don't have anything going. I'd be happy to rub my hands over your chest any time you'd like."
Matt socked him lightly in the chest. "Difference is, it doesn't turn me on."
"So you say."
Matt pulled his shirt up. "So if you think it's so cool for Jane to rub me, why don't you?"
Andy reached over and rubbed his right hand up and down Matt's chest and abs. Feels pretty good to me." He pulled his hand away and gave Matt a light punch in the stomach.
Matt dropped his shirt and bent over coughing like he was hurt. "Not fair."
Andy started walking again. "Come on, let's get to my place."
"Anyway Andy, keep it cool. You know the saying `what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?' Let what happened in the park stay in the park."
"I would, but Emily and Billy pissed me off."
"You don't own her. She can go out with anyone she wants, just like you. Move on."
"I guess you're right. We were sitting with the cheerleaders when they came in. Guess that was punishment enough for those two."
Matt shook his head. "So now you're into punishing them?"
"I'm the star quarterback. I don't need them. I can have any girl I want."
"Or so you think."
Andy stopped under a street light. "I've gone out with a few and I can tell you, we did more than Emily and me did. Joan Kinney, a junior, asked me out. I hear she puts out."
"Are you serious?" Matt looked away and then back. "Why would she want to go out with a freshman?
"Hot for my bod, I guess."
Matt gave him a serious look. "She's probably going to seduce you."
"I sure as hell hope so."
Matt grinned. "Can I come and watch?"
"Hell no. But I'll tell you all about it after. K?"
Andy started walking again. "If she's willing, I'll recommend her to you after I'm through."
Matt pulled along side. "Naw, I don't want seconds."
Andy pulled his house keys out and unlocked the door. They stopped in the living room to make small talk with Andy's parents and then headed to his room.