Knots is the story of two fourteen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.
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I planned the night carefully with a 12 step seduction plan. Just grabbing him and kissing him wasn't going to work. He'd probably run off or say, "What the fuck?"
My plan was what you might call foreplay.
Step 1: Get him to sleep in my bed. I pulled the air mattress out of the closet and held onto it rather than give it to him. In a calm voice I said, "Why don't we sleep together. I have plenty of room in my queen bed. I emphasized queen so he'd figure there'd be plenty of room between us.
That didn't work because he pulled the air mattress out of my hands and said it sounded gay.
Step 2: Remind him how cold it is on the floor. "I'm just concerned about your comfort. It's just platonic. Good friends. No touching."
He said, "I guess we could give it a try. I hate the frigging cold floor. But remember, no touching."
I took the air mattress from him and put it in the closet before he changed his mind. He had this funny look on his face. He almost seemed scared.
Step 3: Get naked. I stripped and stood there so he could give me a once over. The idea now was to put the burden on him. After all, we always want what we can't have. I said, "You can look, but you can't touch. Like you said, no touching."
Step 4: Give him time to think. I grabbed my towel off the back of the door, threw it round my waist, and headed to the shower. My thinking was he'd get ready for bed, would at least be in his boxer briefs with or without his shirt, and be ready for me when I got back. But, before I left, I suggested he take a shower with me to save time and water. It didn't work.
Step 5: Play it by ear. I told him I'd respect his wishes.
I wanted to beat off in the shower, but decided I'd save my load for Matt.
Step 6: Drop my towel and sit next to him. He was sitting on my bed in his boxer briefs and t-shirt when I got back to my room. I dropped the towel like a stripper. He looked me up and down as I walked over and sat next to him. Casually, I said, "God, that felt good."
Step 7: Make him feel horny and guilty at the same time. Matt moved away while I made light of the whole thing. I saw his dick rising. I managed to make him nervous and unsure. It was like he wanted to touch me or kiss me or something, but he just sat there with his hands over his junk. Then the guilt. He said, "This doesn't feel right."
Talk about guilt. Just writing this makes me feel guilty.
Step 8: Respond to the situation as it presents itself. He saw I had an erection and now he was really in a panic. He said, "What the fuck is that Andy? I thought you said this was platonic."
Step 9: Take advantage if his cock starts to get hard or is hard. I figured that once his cock was on the move, it was time for me to put the moves on him. I put my hand under his t-shirt and rubbed my hand on his nipples and abs. He didn't move. He seemed to like it. I figured my conquest was soon to be a reality. I grabbed him behind his neck, pulled his lips to mine and kissed him. I really kissed him. It was hot. Better than any of the girls, and Matt just sat there with his eyes wide. He said exactly what I thought he'd say. He said, "What the fuck?"
I was casual. Said I always wanted to see what it was like to kiss a guy. I asked if I could do it again and he said, "Fuck no!"
I had him on the ropes so grabbed him again and kissed him, putting my tongue in his mouth this time. He pushed me away and told me to stop. I think he liked it despite his protests. He got up and sat at my desk.
My naked body must have really been a temptation because he told me to put some clothes on. I put my jockey shorts on and laid against the wall on my back so he could see me from head to toe.
Step 10: Talk about sex with girls and then about guy sex, not gay sex. I suggested that guys experiment all the time, and we should try it. That didn't work. I told him sex is sex and fun no matter who you do it with.
We both admitted that we looked at each other all the time. He surprised me some when he said he'd always been jealous of my body. Then added that he never thought about having sex with me. What he wanted was my body so he could fuck his brains out. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or flattered.
He got serious. It scared me a little. He said he was afraid he might lose the Andy he loves. He made it sound like he thought I was going to die. I thought he was getting all moral on me. We both went silent and then I asked, "Do you think God hates me?
He said, "No. God loves us no matter what we do. His love is unconditional." I think maybe I added the unconditional part.
All I could say was, "I sure hope so."
He quoted a couple lines from a movie we saw called Kids. I didn't remember much except that this guy was horny all the time and fucked virgins so he wouldn't get aids. But he already had it. It sounded like he was describing me, except for the aids. At least I hope.
Step 11: Get him in bed. I patted the bed next to me. He didn't move. "Aren't you curious what it would be like to have sex with a guy?" I asked.
He's a funny guy. He said, "Hell, I'm curious about what it would be like to have sex with a girl."
Despite his remark, I figured I had him, so suggested he get in bed with me and cuddle to get some practice.
He said, "Fuck you, Andy."
I wasn't to be outdone so said, "You can if you want."
He didn't like that much.
Matt looked unsure for a few moments. I figured he was soon going to be mine. But you know what that asshole did? He reached into his overnight bag and pulled out a pair of pajamas. Shit.
Step 12: Play it by ear. I told him to take a shower because I didn't want to sleep with someone who smelled like pizza. I figured that was the only way to get him naked and out of the pajamas.
Then he said something that brings tears to my eyes. "Shit Andy, you make it hard on a guy." He grabbed a towel out of my dresser and headed to the shower.
I lay there thinking of Matt naked in the shower. It made my cock hard.
St. Mathew came back with his pajamas on. I offered to take them off for him. He ignored me, walked to the bed, pulled the covers back on his side, and slid in.
I climbed under the covers with him. He turned his back to me as I suggested we just experiment a little. I tried again. "Aren't you curious?" He fired back with a quick "no." It came so quickly it made me think his no meant he'd like to. "You don't know what you're missing," I said.
Then all my plans went to hell. He said, "Shut up and go to sleep. I'm tired.
But I'm not the starting quarterback for nothing. I lay on my back with a stiff cock and waited for him to go to sleep. I slipped my shorts off, gave my cock a couple strokes, rolled toward Matt, put my arm over his chest, and cuddled next to him until I fell asleep. It wasn't sex, but it was something I hadn't experienced till then. I felt whole and content as if everything was right in the world. Wouldn't it be nice if the good things in life could last forever?
Matt was gone when I woke up. My heart and chest felt empty, if that's possible. Self-hate filled the emptiness...
I hoped Matt might fill the black hole inside as I lay behind him with my arm over his chest. Shows how stupid I am. It was fleeting.
Shit. Shit. Shit. That's all I can say. The question is, what's going to happen? I'd die if I lost him.
I left Andy's confused. My hormones were telling me go head, experiment like Andy said.. What can it hurt? At the same time, something inside said, No. Wait. I wasn't ready and didn't want to tie a knot in my life that I couldn't untie. It seemed like Andy had already tied far more than he'd expected or even knew about.
There was a feeling of sadness in my room. I got naked and slipped into my bed. The sun hadn't even begun to penetrate the sky. Sleep wouldn't come. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about Andy snuggled up behind me while I sqeezed his beautiful ass. My cock got hard and soon I'd shot all over my stomach. I was too exhausted to clean up. I lay there until I fell asleep. My mom's knock on the door jerked me out of my escape.
It was around when my mom yelled, "Matt, Andy's on the phone."
My heart jumped and I panicked. "Tell him I'll call him later."
Like I said, I was confused and afraid. I didn't want to talk to him right then. I needed more time to think. I spent the morning keeping busy, hoping to distract myself from thinking.
In the end, it came down to friendship. Was I going to be Andy's friend or not? I could still feel his hands under my shirt, his kiss; his tongue, his hands on my nipples and abs, the suppleness of his ass in my hand, and his arm over me. I wanted to scream and run away from it, not because I didn't want it, but because it scared me.
"Mom, I'm going to take a run. Be back in a few."
"Don't be gone too long."
I ran out the door and headed to the park a few blocks from our house. The park's about a mile around. First it was a one lap, then two, three, and four until my lungs ached and I felt a calm come over me. The walk home and the warm down calmed me enough to think. I realized, that while I was afraid to talk to Andy, I couldn't run away from him like a coward.
He answered my call after one ring. "Hello?" he said with an unsure voice.
I cleared my throat. "Hi Andy. Sorry I didn't talk to you earlier. Wanted to take a run first."
I thought I heard sniffles.
"That's all right," he said. "Thanks for calling back."
"So what's up?"
"I called to say I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Matt. Can you forgive me?"
I let his question hang for a couple seconds. I had to fight with myself to say what came next. "Nothing to forgive. Shit happens. I guess if you're going to do something like that, it's best to try it with your best friend." I paused because I didn't know what to say next. I heard Andy blow his nose.
"Are you still there Matt?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
"Say something. Do you hate me?"
"I'm trying to find the right words," I said. "What happened scared the shit out of me."
"I understand," he said. "Scared the shit out of me too. Are we still friends?"
My smile surprised me. "Hey, attempted rape isn't going to scare me off. You're my best friend and unless you kill my parents or sister, steal my car or girlfriend, you'll always be my best friend."
He started to cry out loud. I waited. Then he said, "Matt, I love you."
"Hey, watch it."
"You know what I mean. You're the best. That's why I love you. Forget the sex. Having you as my best friend is all I care about. I was afraid I was going to lose you."
"It was a close call for awhile. But I took a run and thought about it. I'm flattered you wanted me to be your first guy."
"You're making me smile Matt."
"Does it hurt?"
"So let's act like nothing ever happened. K?"
"Maybe you can do that Matt, but I don't think I can. It's like one of those knots you talk about."
I had to agree and said, "The memory of what happened in your room is something I don't think either of us'll forget, but we can act like it never happened, I said. Maybe eve laugh about it some day. Like the girls love to say, `we're best friends forever.' Got that Andy, you're my BFF."
"Yeah, BFF's," he said, and then to my surprise added, "That sounds so gay."
"You should know," I said.
I heard a laugh at the other end of the phone. "So does that mean we're cool?"
"Yep, see you at school Monday."
We hung up and I thought of how things could have ended differently. I'm not sure why I didn't yell at him and blame him for all the strange feeling exploding inside me, but I didn't. I smiled as I thought of Andy as my BFF.
Matt is awesome, and now he's my BFF. How gay is that? I thought our friendship might die, and I'd die with it. I wanted to call him at this morning when I found myself alone. I got up and checked the bathroom, and he wasn't there. An emptiness came over me. My heart and my emotions were tied in a knot. I hoped that when I had a chance to talk to him, he'd be able to untie it.
I didn't want to call too soon. I picked up the phone every fifteen minutes, started to dial, then stopped. Every time I dialed, my eyes filled with tears. I cried and had to bury my face in my pillow to keep my parents from hearing.
I finally called around nooon after I got some control over my tears. His mom answered and I heard him yell, "Tell him I'll call him later." I figured he was just putting me off and would never call.
Suicide seemed like a good option for a moment. But even as bad as I felt, I value my life too much for that. I walked back and forth in my room, laid on the bed, got up, watched some porn on my computer, went out to talk to my parents, came back to my room, laid down on the bed, cried into my pillow, and after an hour knew Matt was never going to call and our friendship was over.
Then my cell rang.
"Hello Andy," he said in a somber voice.
I didn't answer at first. I think Matt could tell I'd been crying.
Then I just let it out, telling him how sorry I was and expecting him to tell me to fuck off. But he didn't. And then I started to cry again. Matt actually said we should just forget it ever happened. But I knew there wasn't any way that was going to happen.
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Then he joked and said we were BFFs, you know, best friends forever. I said it back, then told him it sounded gay. I don't know why I said that because it was like insulting myself. After all, I knew I preferred guys. But whatever, I'll never put moves on Matt again until he lets me know he's ready, if ever.
By the end of the day, I figured it was time to move on. I once told Matt "there are many fish in the sea," so I decided to keep my line in the water and do a little trolling. And to my surprise, before the school year ended, I caught a fish or the fish caught me. You'll have to decide which.
But before I tell that story, something happened that changed my life. In the end, both things changed my life. They made me realize how fragile our lives are and how important it is to be careful how we use them. Suddenly Matt's quote from the movie, Kids, came to mind. "When you're young, not much matters when you find something you love. That's just it, fucking is what I love. Take that away from me, and I really got nothing."
Things are not always what we expect. Sometimes there's joy and sometimes sorrow. And now that we're here, what is love? Andy hints that there are two things that changed his life. What do you think they are? .
I was running for student body president at the end of my junior year of high school. The win was in the bag. I was junior class president and a varsity football player.. Not bragging. It's just true. But guess what, I decided to have a cigarette in the chemical room of the chemistry lab after school and got caught by the teacher. They wouldn't let me run. I know the pain and emptiness I felt. I'm an old man now and it still bothers me. Life is like that. Sometimes we do stupid things. Why would an athlete be smoking in the first place you might ask? Stupidity and being a teenager. The important thing is that we bounce back from our mistakes.
As a writer, I don't want you to automatically figure out the plot. There's no fun in that. Sometimes characters don't always do what we expect. That's true in life too. I've read quite a few stories and it goes something like this. Boy is hot for another boy. Conflict and roadblocks keep them apart for most of the rest of the story. Ninety percent of the time we know they'll be together in the end. It does happen, but does it always have to happen? Where's the suspense?
We all love happy endings and this story has one, but it's a different ending than you might expect. In the end it's about love and friendship.
Will Andy and Matt become sexual partners? One never knows. So read on.