Knots is the story of two fourteen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
"Second spare," Matt said as he marked the score sheet showing one strike, three squares with 7, 6, and 9, 1 spare, and 5 open frames.
Gina grabbed her ball. "I'm going to catch you, Matt Spence." She got a strike. "Strike two." She marked the strike.
Allan grabbed his ball as it rolled out of the shoot. "I really suck at this game."
Ernie rolled his eyes. "How can you expect to be good when your arms almost touch the ground?"
"Shut up wise guy." He concentrated, let the ball roll off his fingers, and roll down the lane to get a strike. "How's that Ernie? Better than a monkey, I'd say. Besides, you suck at this more than me."
Ernie looked at his score. "Afraid you're right."
Matt grinned. "Yeah, that beautiful ass the girls admire must be getting in the way."
"Everyone can't have a fine ass like you," Emily said.
Matt wiggled his ass around and feigned pulling his pants down to moon everyone.
The adults in the lane next to them looked over. "What are you doing?"
"Just getting ready to show everyone my fine ass."
The adults shook their heads. "Spare us, would you?"
Matt looked at his friends. "Guess you're all out of luck."
Everyone moaned as they sipped their drinks and prepared for their turn.
What a great night. It was good to see Gina and Emily again. I kicked their asses bowling. Alan and Ernie may be able to play football, but they sure can't bowl.
Every time I looked at Emily, I thought of her and Andy in the park with her hands all over him. It makes me horny just thinking about it. I was surprised to hear Emily say she was responsible for the change in Andy. I don't think so. Andy was ready to do whatever and with whomever. She was the first to light his candle.
When Gina looked at me with her beautiful smile, I thought of the day she touched my sweaty chest and stuck her tongue in my mouth at the show. Anyway, we had a great time.
Andy and I mowed lawns on Saturday. I harassed him about Dillon. He put me off. I think he and Dillon are fooling around. But he told me no. We wrestled a little and when I was sitting on top of his chest, he gave me the funniest look. His mind was somewhere else.
Andy told me he didn't want my QB job anymore. I was disappointed. That's not like Andy. He whined for weeks about how nothing was fair, and how he was going to get his job back, and now, just like that, he doesn't care. Where's the Andy I know?
I stopped by his house on Sunday. He was sitting on the edge of his bed staring out the window when I walked in without knocking.
"I told you to knock." He was in a grouchy mood. It didn't get any better when I said, "I want to talk more about your date with Dillon."
"Fuck you Matt. It wasn't a date. He wanted me to meet his parents. And why do you care so much?"
"You're my best friend. It was mighty nice of him to want you to meet his parents. Sounds serious. Are you getting married? What I want to know is, what do you guys do the rest of the time? It can't be football since you decided to let me keep the QB job."
"We talk, watch movies, and play video games. We went to the pond Friday night. It was hot and the cool water felt so good."
I sat at his desk. "You didn't tell me that yesterday. Did you guys swing on the rope?"
"Yeah, swung so hard it made my ass tickle."
"Sure it was the swing?"
Andy stood. "I'm getting tired of this shit. If you came here to dump all over me because of Dillon, you can leave. I don't need any of your crap."
"You're awful touchy."
He sat down. "Dillon's my friend. You're my friend. I want you to be friends. He never complains about you."
I scooted the chair toward Andy. "Wish we'd have thought about going to the pond. We ran into Gina and Emily. They joined us for pizza and then we went bowling. Of course, I beat them all. It would have been fun to go out to the pond. Did you guys skinny dip?"
"Naw. I'm not taking my clothes off in front of Dillon. You've seen how he's built. I feel scrawny when I'm with him."
I nodded. "He does have a fine body. Makes me jealous. Hopefully, I'll look like that when I'm a junior. Maybe you will too. We still have a lot of growing to do."
"I suppose you're right."
"You don't sound very enthusiastic. Where's that old Andy that was going to whip the world and beat me out of the QB job?"
Andy didn't say anything. I sat next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. He pushed my arm away. "What's the matter with you?" I asked.
He moved to the corner of the bed. "You had your chance, so just keep your hands off me."
"But we're best buds. I was just trying to get you out of your funk. Why are you in such a pissy mood?"
"I have a better question. Why are you here Matt? Did you just come to shit on me?"
I sat on the bed next to him. "No, but you haven't seemed yourself lately. I was hoping to pick up your spirits. Remember how we always joked around and all the fun we had? Now you can't even take a little ribbing."
"I just found out I'm going to have to go to summer school because of my grades. It really pisses me off. That's all."
"Sorry to hear that. I'm sure glad I don't have to."
I stood and looked down at him. He seemed smaller, weaker in some way. "It's only six weeks. It'll be over before you know it. We can still go to the pond in the afternoon, start to get in shape for football, and as usual, mow all those lawns."
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I am. I'm Matt Spence."
Andy smiled. "And I'm Andy Gibson. But sometimes life's a bitch, but I guess we're going to make it. Thanks Matt."
I closed Andy's door behind me as I left . The feeling that something wasn't quite right still haunted me.
Matt came by on Sunday. He made me feel shitty. He was so upbeat, joking at he always does. He's suspicious about Dillon and me. I sometimes wonder if he knows something's going on between us because he asks a lot of questions.
He put a friendly arm over my shoulder and his touch set me off. He was surprised. Matt and I have been close most of our lives and now I feel we've lost something. I think he really cares about me and what happens to me. But I've got to tell you, it pisses me off. I'd feel better if he hated me.
I talk all this shit about sex is just sex and fun and I won't deny that it is, but something is not right and I don't know what it is. Sex with Dillon is so hot. We fucked all through spring football and into the summer. He finally let me fuck him. His ass was so tight and his body so hot and smooth. I loved fucking him doggy style and rubbing my hands over his chest and abs, then stroking his cock and hearing him moan. He asked me to be his boyfriend. It would have to be a secret of course, and I agreed. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that Dillon Fucking Burke would be my boyfriend. Sometimes I think there has to be more to life than sex with my boyfriend. If there is, I haven't found it yet.
Matt did help me make one decision. I decided I to take more control of my life. Life's been controlling me. Dillon brings stability to my life. Sex was controlling me. But now that Dillon and I are one, it's just a part of our relationship. A great part, I admit. But whatever is happening, I feel more in control of my life.
I had to go to summer school and my thoughts of a football scholarship were going to be lost if I didn't do something. But I wasn't sure if I could. If you think about it though, a lot of athletes' lives are dominated by sex, and they still succeed. Tiger Woods was playing great golf while he was cheating on his wife and kids. It wasn't until he got caught that everything fell apart. His success enabled him to play golf and still have a hot sex life. I should see sports and school as a means to an end. But I have to quit floundering around, and of course, hope we never get caught.
So I decided to take control of my life. Dillon was now my partner and lover. He would help me make it.
Matt's going to have to fight me for that QB job.
Summer finally came. I did well at spring football and there wasn't any way Andy was getting his job back. Of course, I was disappointed he didn't fight for it, but maybe it'll be better in the fall.
Andy had a different attitude by mid summer. He seemed happier and more motivated. "I'm going after your QB job, Matt," he said. "You better get ready. I've got a tiger in my tank."
"Tiger in your tank?" Does that have anything to do with being more horny than usual."
He threw a fist in the air. "I'm taking control of my life. I let life control me after I got hurt. But no more. I'm going to kick the shit out of life."
"That sounds more like the Andy I know."
Andy pulled off his shirt. I looked him up and down. "Looks like you've lost some weight."
"Looking at my hot bod again, huh?"
I pulled my shirt off. Andy tried not to look, but did.
"Yep. Can't keep my eyes off you," I said while noticing Andy's glance.
Andy sat on the grass. Not a bit of fat showed in his stomach. He picked up some grass and chewed it. "I have lost some weight. I got so busy I didn't have time for the weights. I've always been jealous because you got twenty pounds on me and still look great. I'm back on track now. I'm ready to get on the weights, get on a running program, and be ready to kick your ass. Of course as my best friend, I expect you to help me."
I jumped Andy and put him in a head lock. He said, "Do what you want with me. I'm yours."
I let go and stood. "We need to get to work and quit horsing around."
"You grabbed me, not the other way around."
"Horse play, Dumb Shit. Nothing more."
Andy headed to the mower. "I was afraid of that. Are you sure you don't want more?" He gave me a smile, started the engine, and mowed up and down the lawn as I trimmed and weeded.
We had two jobs that day and were hot and sweaty when we finished. "Let's go to the pond, Andy."
Andy grabbed my shirt. "I'm game. Can't wait to see you naked."
I chased him and got my shirt back.
It had been months since we'd gone to the pond. Suddenly, it was like old times.
"We must be alone," Andy said. "I don't hear any other voices."
"I'm not sure you could hear a scream through these trees."
"You're probably right," Andy said as I stared at a bare spot that used to be covered with grass. A small smile crossed Andy's face.
"What's with the smile? Something happen I don't know about?"
He shook his head. "I was thinking about the day you hung my swim suit on the tree and left me in the pond naked. What an asshole you were."
"What are friends for? It was a lot of fun and every one had a good laugh. A lot worse things could happen."
"I suppose you're right. Like what?"
"I don't know. You could have fallen out of the tree, broke your other leg, been mauled by a mountain lion, or raped by your buddy, Dillon."
"What made you say that?"
"I was trying to think of terrible things. Dillon is a cool guy and very popular with the girls and the guys in his class, but it still seems strange for a senior to be hanging with a sophomore."
"You just can't let this go, can you? Dillon and I are friends. He's helping with football and tutoring me. That's it. Sometimes I think you're just jealous."
Andy's voice had a helpless sound. "I'm not you, Matt. Dillon's cool. He's helping me with my studies, with the ladies, and with getting my QB job back."
I started to strip down. "Like you need instruction on the ladies."
"I could have him help you, Matt. God knows you need a lot of instruction."
I dove in and spit water out of my mouth as my head surfaced. "You're probably right about that. But I'm a patient man. It will come soon enough."
Andy stripped and stood naked. I took a quick look. "God, I wish I had those muscles."
Andy wiggled his hips so his dick swung around and pointed to his dick. "And this muscle too, I bet. If you don't watch it Matt, you could be like that guy in the movie Forty Year Old Virgin."
"I hope not, but no one's died from not having sex."
Andy swam toward me. "Oh, but what a miserable life."
I moved away. "Stay away from me, you pervert."
Andy stopped and acted like he was crying. "That hurt...I think I'm going to start calling you `Forty.'"
"I'll kick your ass if you do."
"No one'll know why."
Andy circled me. "And I'll tell them it's because you've taken a pledge not to have sex until you're forty."
"Great idea, Asshole. Then all the girls will try to seduce me and keep me from my pledge. Go ahead and see if I care."
Andy got out and swung on the rope, screaming, "Forty, Forty, Forty."
I swam to him and pushed his head under as soon as he came up.
"Stay away from me, Forty," he said when he came up for air. "I'd hate to see you break your pledge, get all horny, and want my body. Maybe you thought of Dillon raping me because you'd like to." He gave me a big grin. "But of course, you wouldn't have to rape me. I'd go willingly. I bet you dream about sucking Dillon's cock and having him put his dick in your ass."
I grabbed him around the neck. "Fuck you, Andy. You really know how to hurt a guy."
"It's true isn't it?" I didn't say anything and he asked, "What's wrong, Matt, don't you have anything to say? Is it true?"
I ignored Andy, got on the rope, swung out, and turned a somersault in the air. He stood in the water watching. The next time I grabbed the rope I slipped and cut my foot on a branch. "Shit," I said as I went to the ground.
Andy jumped out and knelt beside me. He looked at it before running his eyes from the cut to my face. "Doesn't look too bad. You're not bleeding to death." Andy grabbed my penis, pulled on it, and tried to get away. I grabbed his ankle. He's laughing. "Guess you'll live long enough for that small weenie of yours to be forty before it gets to see anything other than your hand."
I held his ankle tight while he squirmed. The cut wasn't bad. I pulled hard on Andy's ankle and got in a position to give his balls a flick with my fingers. Andy rolled over, balled up, and held his balls and side."
He managed to squeeze out in a tight voice. "I guess I deserved that." He lay there for another minute or so whimpering. "Some people can't take a joke." He stood. "Now that I can walk, I've got to go. I'm meeting Dillon this afternoon to do run through some football drills." He paused. "Oh, I almost forgot, he told me to ask you if you'd like to join us."
"Hell yes," I said.
We started getting dressed. "I think Allan has the hots for Emily. She seems to like him too."
"That dude's skinnier than me, but I think those tall skinny guys have long dicks."
"I don't think Emily has that in mind. Didn't she cut your balls off?"
"Yeah, but we're friends now. Anyway, why do you always have to bring up negative shit? She was the first one to really touch me that way."
I slipped my pants on and zipped them. "I think Gina likes me. We had a good time at the pizza parlor and bowling."
"I thought she was going out with Randy Carter?"
I sat on a stump to put my socks on. "No, just went out with him a couple times."
"Well, Forty, she won't have to worry about you putting the moves on her. Maybe you should tell her now that you plan on being a virgin until you're forty."
I gave Matt an easy shove while he had one leg in his pants. He fell over.
"Matt, you're sure a pain in the ass sometimes."
"Maybe Fourteen. Wasn't that the age you lost your virginity? Maybe I'll start calling you `Fourteen.'"
Andy got up and finished dressing. "Badge of honor my friend. Being a virgin isn't."
"Depends, I suppose. After all, the rarer something is the more priceless it is. You gave yours away too easily and it's worth nothing. If we stand in front of the mirror, can anyone tell who the virgin is?"
Andy paused. "Yeah, I'm more confident because I'm a man now."
"Man? You think sex makes you a man? You're only fifteen for shit sakes. You're no more a man than I am, whether you've had sex or not. Maybe I'm more of a man for waiting. Trust me, it's hard sometimes. Don't you think I'd like to have sex like any normal guy?"
Andy moved toward the trail and looked back at me. "First, you have to be a normal guy. Plus, what guarantee do you have that you'll find a virgin? Does it really make any difference?"
I felt the dart and the sting from his comment. Making-out didn't do much for me. Didn't seem to do much for the girls either. Maybe I'm not normal, I thought. And I got to tell you, I still love looking at Andy's body. It was great seeing him without anything on today. I paid more attention to his dick today than I usually do. Wondered what it would be like to have it in my mouth or in my ass.
We reached the road. "Do you think having sex at fourteen or fifteen is normal," I asked. "In fact, do you think hanging around with Dillon is normal, or more to the point, him hanging around with you?"
Andy picked up his bike. "If you don't feel comfortable with Dillon, you don't have to work out with us."
"I'm coming. I don't want you to get an edge."
They found Dillon standing in the middle of the football field shirtless. Matt couldn't help but notice his tall tanned body, slim waste, broad shoulders, and long strong legs. His stomach was flat and the abs lightly defined, unlike Andy's. Matt had trouble taking his eyes off him. Dillon noticed.
This was the only time Andy and Dillon did anything related to football since they sucked each other the first time in Dillon's bedroom.
Dillon threw the football in the air and caught it. Matt noticed the taught muscles move under his tanned skin. Andy was used to seeing that hot body, which was all his. But it surprised Matt that Andy didn't pay much attention.
Dillon was casual. "Andy, I see you brought Matt. You took Andy's place at QB after Andy got hurt. You're Matt Spence." Dillon stuck out his hand. "I'm Dillon Burke."
"I know. Heard you'll probably be the starting varsity quarterback next year."
Dillon tossed the ball to Matt. "As long as everything goes well. Look what happened to Andy last year. Poor guy. Lost the QB job to you. He told me he's getting it back. You must be out here to make sure it doesn't happen."
Matt gave a small smile. "You might say that. I was hoping to get some tips."
Dillon ran out for a pass and Matt hit him on the mark.
Andy frowned. "Show off."
Dillon pointed. "Andy, go out for a pass."
Andy ran a crossing route in front of Dillon, who hit him right in the hands. Dillon ran up to Andy and put his arm around his shoulders. Nice catch."
Andy looked embarrassed. Matt didn't take much notice at first because he put his arm around Andy all the time. Then he looked at the difference in size and age. It didn't look right. "I'm surprised you spend so much time with Andy. He's a lot younger than you."
Dillon didn't miss a beat. "I see potential in Andy. You too. Just trying to help."
"You guys spend a lot of time together."
Dillon turned serious. "Are you trying to say something? If so, say it."
"No. No. It's just that Andy and I used to do a lot together, and now it seems he's always with you. I'm jealous."
Dillon broke a smile. "I understand. It's for Andy. Has nothing to do with me. I'm sure you know I have my own social life."
Matt nodded. "I've heard all about it. Anyway, we're here to get some pointers."
Dillon really knew his football. He gave Matt and Andy his bag of tricks on how to read pass coverage and receivers. It was before they knew it.
Dillon patted Matt on the back. "You did well today. We'll have to do it again sometime. Right now though, Andy and I have got to go."
Dillon walked toward his BMW with Andy running to catch up. Matt hoped to get a ride, but Dillon didn't offer.
Andy and Dillon spent a few days a week fucking like they did at the pond. That day became a distant memory as the days of summer burned one into another and Dillon did things to him that made Andy think he'd die if it ever ended. Dillon became Andy's obsession. Dillon had errands to run on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and at least one day on the weekend. It worked out because Andy's parents were beginning to think he was spending too much time with Dillon. Andy didn't know what to do with himself when Dillon wasn't there.
"I turn eighteen next week," Dillon said as they lay together naked in Dillon's darkened room in mid July.
"Happy early birthday."
"This is going to have to end. We can still be friends."
Andy ran his index finger down Dillon's chest and looked up. "It never has to end."
"It has too. I could be prosecuted for having sex with a minor."
"They don't have a case. I wanted to do it. You didn't force me." Andy pulled Dillon to him and hugged him tight. "You can't do this. I love you."
"We don't have no choice."
Andy clawed Dillon's back. "You can't. I'll die."
Dillon slapped Andy. "I should kick your ass. How am I going to explain the scratches?"
"Tell anyone who asks that you've been having sex with a fifteen year old, and he got pissed."
Dillon kissed Andy on the forehead and held his hand as Andy began to cry. "I'm sorry. I know how you feel. The same thing happened when I was thirteen. The man was a friend of the family. He made me feel good inside and told me I was special. He took me places. He was fun, and my parents were happy to have him spend time with me so they wouldn't have to. Once he had my confidence, he touched me, kissed me, and sucked my cock. I liked it, even though I thought it was wrong. We're only human after all. That's what I keep telling myself. It felt wonderful to be loved. My parents didn't give me much time or attention until I did well in football. Now they think the sun rises and sets on me."
"What happened to him, the family friend," Andy managed through his tears.
"I don't know. One day he was gone. He left a big hole in me, and a legacy of desire that I can't control."
"So why me? Why not someone your own age?"
Dillon kissed Andy on the forehead again and then on the lips. "I loved you the first time I saw you. And when you took your shirt off and I saw that beautiful skinny body of yours, knew I had to have it."
"Why not, Matt?"
"It's complicated," he said, trying to ignore the question.
"I want an answer. Why me?"
"You needed me."
Andy covered himself with the sheet. "Needed you? Like a weak little baby?"
"It's not like that. You needed something, and the time was right. If not, we wouldn't be here now. Isn't a little bit of heaven better than none?"
"I guess. You showed me a different world. I feel lonely when we're not together. I can't wait for us to be together as one and have your dick in my ass and tongue in my mouth. And now we're going to just stop `cold turkey'? I'd rather not have tasted a little bit of heaven at all. Maybe Matt has it right."
Dillon pressed his body against Andy and kissed him. "Let's play it by ear. I'm not sure I can stop seeing you either. But ending it is the right thing to do."
"It's not right for us. No one needs to know. I'm not going to tell anyone. When I'm eighteen, then we can run off and get married."
Dillon's eyes opened wide as he rubbed his hands through Andy's hair and said nothing. He pulled the sheet back and found Andy's dick laying quietly just below his belly button. Dillon kissed his way down Andy's chest and abs, put Andy's cock in his mouth, and sucked it till he came. They lay silent in the dim afternoon light of Dillon's room for a short time as Andy continued to cry.
Dillon gave him one last kiss, rolled out of bed, and got dressed. "My parents are having a birthday party for me next week. A lot of kids from my class'll be there. Why don't you come and bring Matt."
Andy wiped his eyes and put his hands behind his head. "You mean, bring him as my date?"
"No, as your best friend. Well at least your best friend after me."
"I'm not sure he'll come, but I'll ask."
"Okay, be there or be square. It's at next Friday. We're having a fancy dinner and the whole works. Wear a coat and tie. My parents want this to be special. After all, they think the sun rises and sets on me."
Andy laughed. "So do I, along with a few other things."
Dillon bent over and kissed Andy. Andy pulled him down over his naked body and squeezed him tight, as if by doing so, he could keep it from all ending.
Chapter Quote: "Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries, it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death." – Norman Cousins
I'd like to thank Andy Roberts and Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.