Knots is the story of two fourteen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story. 

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.

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            Dillon's mother had breakfast ready when we got up.  I can't believe how cheerful she was in the morning.  Mr. Burke had already left for the golf course.  He invited us the night before, but Dillon declined.  We made small talk with Mrs. Burke for a few minutes after breakfast before Dillon and I excused ourselves.

            Dillon drove with one hand on the steering wheel grinning at me as he drove.  I turned to him.  "I hope Matt's all right.  How `bout dropping me off at his house so I can check."

            He frowned.  "I'm sure he's fine Matt.  Call him."

            "No.  I've got to see how he is.  That's what best friends do."

            Dillon rubbed my leg.  "I thought I was your best friend."

            "You are, but so is Matt," I said as I grabbed his crotch.  "Our friendship is different.  Matt's never had that fine cock of yours in his mouth and ass."

            That got a smile out of Dillon. "You're right.  Have you ever tried anything with him?"

            "I tried once, but he got pissed.  He's not that way," I told him as I put my right knee on the dash.

            He grinned.  "Every boy's that way if you get them early enough."

            I frowned and thought of Thomas and Randy.  "How would you know?"

            "I read it."

            "Where do you find shit like that?"

            Dillon shook his head.  "Like I've said over and over, on the internet.  Evidently, you don't realize there's a lot more there than just porn," he said as he pulled up in front of my house.

            "Drop me off at Matt's."

            "Sorry, Charlie, this is far as I go."

            "Fuck you then, Dillon.  I'll walk."

            I jumped out, flipped him off, and headed to Matt's, which was only a few houses down from mine.  He followed beside me.  "Tell him I'm sorry he's not feeling well."  And with that, he sped off.


            Matt was sitting at his desk drawing the picture of a monster when I walked into his room.  He said he'd had a nightmare the night before.  I figured he must have really been sick because I've had that happen when I was a little boy and got sick.  But I told him I didn't have those kinds of dreams because I don't anymore.

            I made fun and asked him if he ran off because some kind of monster scared him.  He said, "Kinda."

            His answer angered me, because, as usual he was talking about Dillon.  Matt said Dillon was guilty of statutory rape now that he's eighteen , as if I didn't have sex willingly.  I wish it would have all ended there, but Matt got serious and said, "I've got something to tell you. It's going to hurt."  My heart jumped and a knot formed in my stomach.  He said something about shooting me.  It wasn't until he told me what happened at Dillon's during the party that I knew what he meant by shooting me.  For a moment, I wished he had.

            He told me Dillon tried to rape him and the only reason he didn't succeed was because I knocked on the door.  I knew something was wrong when I found the door locked, but didn't want to believe it.  Still don't.  I called him a liar.

            "He's a predator," he continued.  "He likes younger boys."

            As soon as he said that, I thought of Thomas and Randy again.  I didn't lead on, just said, "You're jealous because I have a fucking hot relationship with Dillon.  You want him too.  I've seen you look at him."  And then I attacked him, knocking him to the floor.  I threw wild punches hoping to draw blood but only missed. 

            He grabbed my hands and threw me on the bed.  I kept trying to get up, but he put his knee in my back and said, "That's bullshit and you know it.  Lay still."  I'm not sure why I did, but I calmed down and sat on the floor with my back against Matt's bed.  He sat down next to me and I told him to go ahead and tell me his lies.  It was all show because I know Matt and there wasn't any way he'd lie to me.

            He told me the story and I wanted to die.  We're crazy sometimes.  Even though I was pretty sure what Matt said was true, I accused him of letting Dillon rape him.  He went on with the story and all I could think about was the great sex Dillon and I had the night before.  I thought about how Dillon said he loved me. I wanted to blame Matt because he didn't scream. 

            Tears didn't come at first.  I can't explain it because I wanted to die and to cry at the same time.  All I could manage was to sit silently next to Matt.  The room was silent except for our breathing.  I'm not sure how much time passed.  Finally, I said, "You know what, Matt?  I don't care.  He's never going to have you because you're not that way, and right now he's mine.  I'm not going to say anything."

            Matt told me I was crazy, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore so stood up.  My eyes were red from rubbing them and from the few small tears that finally ran down my cheeks.  I felt ashamed and couldn't look Matt in the eye.  I said, "Matt, thanks for telling me.  But it really doesn't make any difference.  He loves me in his own way.  I'm wounded a bit, but won't die."  I said that even though I felt like dying.  "Don't forget we have to mow lawns in the morning.

            I moved toward the door and said goodbye.  But Matt grabbed me and hugged me.  He held me close for a long time.  I expected him to say he loved me, but he didn't.  He didn't have too.  I knew he did.


            A nightmare filled my short periods of sleep.  I was lying in bed when a human monster burst through my door.  It had horns and spit fire from his tongue.  His hands had Velcro straps hanging from the fingertips.  I cowered in my bed as I slid against my headboard and drew my legs into my chest.  My first thought was that he was going to spit fire at me and burn me alive.  But he didn't.  He moved slowly toward me as his red tongue flipped in and out like a snake. 

Suddenly, the Velcro straps flew from his hands to my wrists.  They locked my hands to the headboard.  I struggled to get free as he climbed on top of me and stuck his tongue in my mouth.  It grew longer as he wrapped it around my tongue and slithered down my throat until I could feel it wiggling its way out of  my dick.  My cock rose to 10 inches.  The tip of his tongue could be seen flicking out the slit in my dick.  The monster wrapped the tongue around the head of my penis and shot warm steam from it as it massaged my huge cock.  My cock and balls suddenly tightened and I felt a load of cum forcing its power past the monster's tongue and out the tip.  The tongue extended further out of my dick and licked it up.  It made a loud moaning noise as his tongue slowly withdrew until the monster stood and turned because of some noise at my door.  The Velcro straps flew off my hands, the covers were pulled over me, and the view from outside my body saw a boy sleeping peacefully.  Then as fast it came, the monster disappeared and a vision of Andy stood at the end of my bed.  

The nightmare returned every time I managed to get a few minutes sleep.  I finally said, "To hell with it," and got up.  I was sitting at my desk drawing a picture of the monster when the real Andy knocked and walked in.  He looked over my shoulder and saw the drawing.  I hadn't gotten to the Velcro straps yet.

He patted me on the shoulder.  "That's scary, Matt.  I'm glad I don't have those kinds of dreams."  I knew better because when we were little boys he often talked about bad dreams he had when he was sick.  It wasn't important enough to dispute, so I just ignored it.  He then asked, "What are you terrified of?"

"Nothing," I replied.

"Something's the matter?  Why'd you run out last night?  Did some kind of monster scare you?"

I was afraid to say more, so said, "Kinda." 

That set Andy off.  "You think Dillon's the monster don't you?  He's not.  We had the hottest sex last night."

I wanted to yell at Andy.  He was so absorbed in what he thought was Dillon's love and the hot sex that he couldn't see through the bullshit. 

Then he added.  "We're still boyfriends."

The yell I was about to release died in my throat.  I wanted to call him a dumb shit and scream that he was a fool and had been for the last six months.  It's possible he already knew it, but he didn't let on.  He continued to defend Dillon.

I said something about statutory rape and of course that only got him angrier.  He felt he'd willingly consented and in some ways I suppose he had.  But can a fourteen-year-old clearly make the right decisions when a seventeen-year-old seduces him?  I wanted to tell Andy he'd been seduced and that Dillon had his own 12-step seduction which worked quite well.  But I knew it wouldn't do any good.  Andy liked sex and he was ready when Dillon came along.  Maybe Dillon would never have been a reality in his life if I'd have let Andy seduce me.  God only know, I wanted it.  But I wasn't ready and don't know if I'll ever be.  And who's to say Andy might have eventually decided I wasn't enough, and that Dillon, with his car, all his money, and his sexual and athletic experience was what he wanted.  Guess we'll never know.

Andy went on about the sex and how I'm jealous.  The guilt filled my soul because for some reason, after the previous night, I thought maybe I was jealous for what Andy had.  Sex without guilt.  Sex for fun.  I'd like to say sex without strings or knots, but I knew better, and now I had to shoot Andy with the truth.

Andy said that the sex was more than sex because he and Dillon were in love, and that made the sex a lot hotter.  It was probably true as long as Andy could cover Dillon's big lie with his own big lie.

I got pissed when Andy said my silence proved my jealousy.  I wanted him to know the silence was brought about by the turmoil boiling inside because I knew how hurt Andy would be when I let go of the silence and told him about Dillon.

            Finally, I managed to overcome the guilt and betrayal and said, "Dillon tried to rape me last night.  He only stopped because you came to the door."

            "Liar!" he yelled.

            "He's a predator, Andy.  He likes younger boys."  Thomas, Randy, Dillon, and Andy were having sex in my head as I said those words.  Shit, sometimes we don't have control of what flashes into our minds.  But that's what happened.

            Andy went on with the jealousy shit and how I want Dillon.  He charged me and knocked me to the floor.  He started throwing punches.  But it was more like flailing because he didn't strike a solid blow.  I grabbed his hands, pulled him up, and threw him face down on the bed.  The weight difference reminded me of Dillon and me.  Andy was starting to turn when I put my knee in his back.  "That's bullshit and you know it.  Lay still!"

            He surprised me when he relaxed, rolled off the bed, and sat on the floor.  I sat beside him and almost put my arm over his shoulders, but it didn't seem like a good idea at the time.  I asked. "Do you want to know what happened or not?"

            He pulled his knees up to his chest and looked down at the floor between his feet.  "Go ahead.  Tell your lies."

            I told him the story and when I was done he still defended Dillon.  "You're making it up.  You want me to hate Dillon.  But it's not going to work.  So don't bother with the lies."

            "I'm not lying.  Do want to know the rest?"

            He shrugged.  "I can't wait to hear."

            I continued and when I was done his first question was, "Why didn't you scream?"

            I gave him the excuse about Dillon telling me the room was soundproof and only girls scream which I knew was only partly true. 

            Andy went silent.  It took everything in me to not hug him or say anything.  The silence went on for what seemed like forever.  I started to say something a couple times and had to stifle the urge.  He was fighting back tears as he slumped and pulled at the carpet between his legs. 

            And then I wanted to scream when he said, "You know what, Matt, I don't care.  He's never going to have you because you're not that way, and right now he's mine.  I'm not going to say anything, just let our relationship go on like before."

           I raised my voice.   "Are you crazy?  You just found out he doesn't really love you, and you don't care?"  I wanted to say, "What the fuck's the matter with you?  Didn't you notice Randy and Thomas?  He's probably having sex with them too," but I didn't.

            Andy stood up and looked me in the eye for a second.  His eyes were red and there were a few tears rolling down his cheeks from the corners of his eyes.  He dropped his head and lowered his voice.  "Matt, thanks for telling me, but it really doesn't make any difference.  He loves me in his own way.  I'm wounded a bit, but won't die."

            I loved him and hated him right then because I knew he wasn't being honest with me or himself.  It hurt me to see him like that.  I was going to grab him and hug him, but he moved toward the door.  "Bye Matt.  Don't forget, we have a mowing job tomorrow."

            That really pissed me off.  I wanted to yell, "Fuck the lawn job.  What about you?  What about Dillon and this fucking mess?"  Instead, I took hold of his upper arm, pulled him into a hug, and held on.  I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but didn't say anything.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it was because I felt I'd betrayed him.  We both stood there in each other's arms for a long time.  I never thought I'd be able to hold a hug that long, but Andy stayed with me and pulled me even tighter.  We didn't say a word, but something important passed between us.  I'm not sure if either of us knew what it was.


I wanted to post this before too many days passed so edits are still in process.


Chapter Quote:  The one who understands you after many misunderstandings is the person who truly loves you. --  Unknown Author

Chapter Quote 2:  One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching. David Harkins


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I'd like to thank Andy Roberts and Lisa for editing Knots.  As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.