Knots is the story of two fourteen year old boys trying to discover and understand who they are sexually, emotionally, and physically. Both boys struggle with doubts about their new feelings for each other and for others.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.
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Matt asked if I'd write something about the things that happened in our freshman year in high school. I didn't want to, but he used our long friendship, since second grade, to make me feel guilty. He listed different things we did that year and asked me to write what I remember about them. We agreed to be honest, and considering what happened, I don't have any problem being honest with Matt.
We mowed lawns together that summer. We'd take our shirts off and I constantly looked at Matt. He was hot. I don't think he noticed. I'd catch him looking at me when he thought I wasn't. I always gave him my big smile. He smiled back and we'd go back work.
Like I said, Matt is hot. He's built completely different than me. I'm kind of skinny and wiry and he has this solid build from head to toe. He has brown hair and dark brown eyes. I look into them sometimes and it feels like he's staring through me, so I look away. Don't want him to get the wrong idea.
He's what I'd call trim. Doesn't have any fat and has a beautiful brown tan. His chest spreads out beneath his broad shoulders and then tapers down to a slim waste and flat stomach. I love his legs and wish I had them. His thigh and calf muscles ripple when he walks. I love it when he bends over to start the lawnmower, pick up paper off the lawn, or strips naked. He has the most beautiful ass. I didn't tell him that.
Matt was like a brother. I loved him as much as a guy can love another guy. But sometimes my thoughts and emotions made me think something wasn't quite right.
Anyway, one day we went out to our swimming hole to put up a rope. We stripped down to our underwear and I couldn't help but look at Matt's hot body. He didn't see me looking. I climbed up the tree to tie the rope and was jabbering away as I looked down at him.
I got the rope up and let Matt swing first. He didn't want to, but I wanted to make him feel indebted to me. I feel bad saying that now. Figured if I let him go first, he'd think me the greatest guy and a great friend.
We'd been swinging for a time when I wanted to go higher so asked Matt, to give me a push. He put his hand on my back to push me, and it sent a tingle right down to my cock. It surprised me and made me feel a little guilty. It was the first time anything like that had happened between Matt and me. He didn't seem to take notice, and I didn't say anything.
At some point I suggested we swim naked, anything to get a look at his bare butt and cock. I stripped down and jumped in the water. Matt just stood there afraid to get naked as if it was some kind of sin or something. I teased him.
He turned his back to me and I got a undisturbed look at his beautiful white butt. A thought snuck into my head. I wonder what it'd be like to suck on that sweet ass of his, lick those cheeks, grab them, squeeze them, and roll them in my hands. My mind went quiet for a second and then it went off again. What the hell are you doing?. We'd been friends all these years and I don't ever remember having thoughts like that. But like I said, Matt was hot and I just chalked it up to envy.
Once naked, he quickly turned and jumped in, giving me only a fleeting glance of his nicely cut cock. I did notice that it wasn't as big as mine.
Anyway, we swam around and stuck our butts in the air and squirted water and when we stopped to take a breath, I saw Matt looking at me. It kind of surprised me. I looked at those dark eyes and it was like they drew me to him. My body started toward him and a look of fear came into his eyes as if he thought I was going to hug him or kiss him or something. The thought might have quickly shot through my mind, but I wasn't going to hug my best friend and have our dicks and chests rubbing together. The thought scared me some. But, at the same time, I wanted too. It was like we were two magnets that keep switching polarity so at one moment we are drawn to each other and at another moment resist each other. Maybe that's not exactly what I meant. So I did the damnedest thing. I asked him if he had a hard on. He wouldn't tell me. I told him I did and asked if he wanted to touch it? I figured I'd gone crazy. He told me to "fuck off," or something like that. Like I said, we were like magnets. I'd be drawn toward him and him toward me, and just as quickly, we change polarity.
I smile every time I think of our bike race. I always beat him to my house. He was such a fool. He'd fall for the same trick every time, and then he'd be pissed because I beat him. You'd think he'd have learned.
Matt was pissed at me the next day. I called a few of our friends, asked them to spread the word that Matt and me were going to our secret swimming hole, and said I'd meet them at the pizza place downtown so they could follow me.
I had everyone hide their bikes so Matt would be surprised when he found us. Well, I got to tell you, he was pissed. I knew he was pissed, but he put on a pretty good front for everyone else. It wasn't until we talked later that I understood why. He thought it has something special between him and me. In a way, he thought it was a sacrilege to bring friends to what was our secret. He even called it a sacred place. I didn't think of that. The hurt showed in his face and in his eyes. I felt bad, but the damage had been done. Matt's image of me sunk a little that day.
He said something to me that made me wonder about who I was. He'd asked me why I brought all those people. And when I thought about it, realized it was because I wanted to be the cool guy in front of our friends. That's when he said it. "Why would you have to do that? You're the best looking and most popular guy in our class." I didn't have an answer then, but now I know it's because I felt small next to Matt. I felt inferior, and the funny thing was, Matt thought just the opposite.
Matt always likes to talk about our lives being filled with knots we tie. This was one of those knots.
Andy wasn't at the Hemstead's when I got there so I stood around and waited. After what happened the the day before, I was even more pissed.
Andy towed our lawn equipment behind his bike in a cart his dad made. There was a metal piece connected to the frame. It ran the length of the bike, and came together behind the back wheel where his dad put a small trailer tongue. Fifteen minutes had disappeared before Andy drove up, "Sorry I'm late. Had trouble with the hitch and was forced to tie it all together with a piece of rope."
At first I thought he was just making excuses, but there it was, the hitch all tied with some unknown ganglion of knots to make sure it didn't come off. Andy fumbled with the knotty mess he created for a couple minutes. "Shit, I'm never going to get this out." He took out his pocket knife and cut it. "There, that was a lot easier."
I laughed. "So how you going to get the trailer hooked on to go home?"
He shrugged. "We'll worry about that when the time comes. The Hemsteads must have some rope."
Andy pulled his shirt off, even though there was a little chill in the air. I glanced quickly. He rolled the equipment off the trailer, his muscles rippling under his skin.
"Guess I'll let you worry about that," I said.
He bent over and pulled the starter. I grabbed the trimmer and we both did our jobs with me glancing at him every now and then. I took my shirt off when it got warmer. The sun felt good on my skin. He didn't take notice of me at all. It's not that I'm badly built, but while I have a flat stomach and fair size arms and legs, none of my muscles ripple under the skin, no six pack abs. I think I look like an average guy. I kept thinking everything about Andy is beautiful. Looking at him made me feel inferior.
These thoughts bothered me. It didn't seem right for a boy to think this way about another boy, even if he was my best friend. But I couldn't stop the thoughts in my head. If he saw me looking at him and staring, he never said anything. I'd look over and sometimes catch him smiling at me.
We finished our jobs and turned off the mower and edger. The sudden silence was eerie. Andy walked toward me, his skin glistening in the sun. I took a quick look and then looked him in the face.
He rubbed the sweat on his chest with his hand. "I love having my shirt off and sweating. Makes me look ripped. The sun feels so damn good. Kind of makes me a little horny. How `bout you."
I'm not sure what I felt, so didn't answer. He looked me up and down. It was the first time I ever noticed him do it. "You don't look so bad yourself. I don't think any girl would kick you out of bed." He laughed. "You look pretty damn hot with all that sweat making your skin shine."
I looked down at my chest and saw beads of sweat rolling down. "I don't compare. Your muscles ripple all over your body. You look awesome."
"You have these muscles too. They're hidden is all. If you were as skinny as me, then you'd look like me. I need to put weight on. But I still think I look hot."
"You do. I wish I looked like you."
We heard girls voices, looked up, and saw Gina Lockhart and Emily Cooper, a couple girls from our class, walking toward us. I started to grab my shirt, but they were standing in front of us before I could get it.
I liked Gina but didn't have the same feelings for her as I had for Andy. Not sure why. Guess I just wasn't into girls yet. She was around five two, often wore her dark hair in a pony tail, which bounced when she walked. I liked that. She had a beautiful smile that showed beautiful white teeth. She and Emily both played basketball on the 8th grade team the year before.
Emily had short brown hair with bangs. Her nose was small and her eyes caught your attention. She filled her clothes more like a 16 year old than a 14 year old..
Sweat was still running off our faces and chests. Andy's body glistened in the reflected sun. Gina and Emily looked us up and down. Emily smiled and said, "You guys look hot and sweaty."
Andy and I glanced at each other.
"Thanks, you two look pretty hot yourselves," Andy said.
Gina blushed. "We didn't mean than kind of hot."
Emily gave Gina a light shove. "Speak for yourself." She looked Andy in the eye. "Mind if I touch your chest? I always wondered what a sweaty guy feels like."
Andy gave me another quick glance. "Hell no. I don't mind."
She reached out with her right hand and placed her hand in the middle of Andy's chest. Then withdrew it quickly. "It's cold."
"That's the idea Emily. Sweat cools the body." He looked at Gina. "You want to touch?"
Gina blushed. "No. Wouldn't mind touching Matt." She looked at me for my approval and I just stared at her. She touched my chest and I felt warm and cold and sweaty all at the same time. "It does feel cold," she said.
Emily shook her head, her bangs swinging across her forehead and said, "We have better things to do that tweak your egos. We're headed to the mall. Join us after you shower and change.
They headed down the side walk moving like trees swaying in the wind. "Damn that was hot," Andy said. "Wasn't that cool. I loved her hand on my chest. Did crazy things to me. How `bout you."
"Me too. I never had anyone touch my bare skin like that before, except maybe my mom."
"Did it make you horny?"
"Yeah," I said. Then I wondered. Gina's touch did something to me. I felt something in my crotch, but I didn't get a hard-on or anything. Guys in our class are always talking about their conquests and about sex and having perpetual hard-ons all the time, but I think most of it is a lot of bullshit. At least I hope so. If not, something's wrong with me.