We lay on the shower floor in each others arms longer than we would have normally because the Gibson's have an on-demand hot water heater and we could have laid their forever. But like I said, we laid there until our passion subsided and only the love remained. But looking back on it now, I'm wonder if it was really love. I once read a story that made me think about the relationship between sex and love. One of the characters said, "I don't want you to tell me you love me just before sex, during sex, or right after sex. I want you to tell me you love me when your mind is clear and your passions stilled." I think there's something to that.
"I can hardly walk," Andy said. "That meeting and the sex took everything out of me."
We stepped out of the shower, toweled ourselves off, and walked naked to his room where we flopped on the bed with our backs to each other, and fell asleep. Andy woke up first and nudged me in the back. I groaned and it occurred to me that Andy doesn't sleep very well.
I wiped the sleep from my eyes as I turned to him. "Not again. What do you want?"
"Since when have you been the one to talk? You've always been a man of action," I said with a grin.
"I don't know. I just need to talk. Maybe it's you?"
I gave him a suspicious look. "What do you mean me?"
"It was always me who wanted sex and the one who could never have enough and now you're the same. What does that mean?"
"You asking me?"
"Yeah, who else?"
"And you're expecting an answer?" I teased with a quick kiss to his lips.
He gave me a soft grunt. "Why else would I ask?"
"To be honest, Andy, I'm a little scared too. I've never been this horny and I can't stop thinking about the next time we'll fuck. Every waking moment is filled with desire and passion and love for you. Does that make sense?"
"Kinda. I've been thinking about Dillon. He made me realize sex is not love and love is not sex." He rubbed his finger around my belly button, ran his hand up to my right nipple, and ran his finger around it. "I used to think sex and love were the same thing. But now, I don't know. What we have is special. It's different. But is it love?"
I gave him a quick tickling. "I think so."
Andy sighed. "The other day I was thinking about the summer before last when we went to the pond and I tied the rope in the tree so we could swing. Remember that day?"
"I'll never forget it," I said with a smile on my lips. "You were so cocky. We were so happy that we were finally getting that rope in the tree. What a great day. I swam nude for the first time."
Andy bit his lip. "I wanted you so badly that day. I wanted to touch you and hug you. But I didn't dare."
I propped up on one elbow. "I thought you were going to. Have you ever wondered how things might have been if you had?"
He lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah. We'd have been fucking from then till now. Maybe there wouldn't have been a Dillon."
"Maybe, but I'm not sure I'd want my life to be like this all the time."
Andy stroked the side of my cheek. "You mean you don't like it?"
I laughed. "You've got to be kidding. I sure as fuck like it. But it's all that's on my mind. And look what happened to you once Dillon got in your pants. Your whole life changed, and you were with him all the time. All the fun we used to have was gone." I paused and looked at him. "When was the last time we went to the swimming hole, just you and me, just to fart around and swing on the rope, or for that matter, have all our friends there?"
Andy smiled. "And don't forget those bike races we had when I kicked your ass."
"Yeah, because you cheated."
He gave me a light punch in the shoulder. "Yeah, because you were so gullible."
He began tickling me and soon we were both tickling each other, and before we knew it, we were hard.
"Fuck, Andy. I'm ready to go again. How `bout you?"
And we did.
After our shower, Matt and I talked about the good ole times, and before we new it, we were horny again and fucked. I'm not sure who's the horniest, him or me. But he was right. We missed out on a lot of the good ole times and just being kids. But now that I'm older, I realize we're always in a hurry to grow up and don't take the time to savor our childhood and our youth. We were just fifteen-year-olds then, playing adult games, games even adults seem to fuck up.
Matt and I were still lying in bed when the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock. It was . "Oh shit," I said.
Matt gave me a quick glance. We grabbed our shorts and tank tops as we headed to the door. I looked through the peephole and there stood Thomas and Randy. My dick started to get hard.
I turned back to Matt. "It's Thomas and Randy. I wonder what they want."
Matt pinched my ass. "Calm down. Remember what I said. You can't go after them unless they show they're interested. Otherwise, you'll be just like Dillon."
"Fuck, Matt. You're no fun."
I couldn't believe it when Thomas and Randy came by. Andy was excited. He had a big grin on his face when he turned to tell me who it was.
"Calm down," I warned.
He swung the door open, smiled, and gave them each a hug. They looked over his shoulder at me with questioning looks on their faces. I shrugged.
Andy went on like he heard their assholes calling. "Come in. It's great to see you guys. I didn't think you'd come by. Boy am I glad to see you. Oh, and Matt is too." He motioned toward me. "Come in and sit down."
We went into the living room; the two of them sat on the love seat and Andy and I sat on the sofa.
Andy stood. "You want something to drink?"
Thomas and Randy shook their heads. "We came to play hoops or throw the football around", Thomas said. "Are you guys still game?"
Andy nodded, "Yeah. That's why I thought you came. Why else?"
I cleared my throat. "Let's go to the park."
Andy gave me a quick glance. "Or we could shoot hoops in our driveway. That way we could just come in and shower afterwards."
Randy glanced at Thomas. "No, let's go to the park. We can shower at home."
Andy and I excused ourselves and ran to his room to get our shoes and socks. I bumped him with my butt as he bent over to get his shoes. "What do you mean we could shower here?"
A grin crossed Andy's face. "Well, we could. After all, we just did a couple hours ago. And we haven't showered since our last fuck. We're going to be all sweaty and need a shower."
"Keep your hands and your horny thoughts to yourself," I warned.
He grinned. "That might be hard to do when we're playing basketball. I'll have to put my hand on their asses when I'm guarding them."
"I'm going to solve that problem for you. I'll play with Thomas and you play with Randy..."
He cut me off before I finished. "Cool, Matt. Now we're on the same page."
"Fuck you, Andy. You know what I mean. Thomas'll be on my side and Randy'll be on yours, or vice versa. You'll guard me and I'll guard you. That'll solve the problem."
He faked crying. "Like I said before, you're no fun."
The park is about three blocks from Andy's. It has a swimming pool, tennis courts, basketball courts, and picnic tables scattered around under the trees.
We talked as we dribbled and passed the basketball back and forth to each other as we walked to the park. Thomas had the most beautiful smile. It warmed you when he showed his teeth or looked you in the eye. Randy seemed less confident and it made it harder to get to know him. But like I said before, they're both hot.
There were only a few a people hanging around when we got to the park. The court was split into two and we always played half-court unless there were eight to ten of us. Andy held the basketball as he planted himself under the basket without the torn net. He lifted his chin toward Thomas. "Thomas, you're on Matt's team. Randy'll be on mine. We're shirts. You're skins."
I tossed Andy a grin as I held back a loud laugh.
Thomas nodded as we took off our shirts. He had a nice tan and good muscle definition. His biceps bulged as his shirt came off and he threw it on the grass next to the court. He didn't have any fat on him. He flashed his beautiful smile at me. "I'm glad to be on your team. I hope to be as good a quarterback as you some day."
That really made me feel good.
Randy looked me up and down but didn't notice Andy giving Thomas a full body scan. Thomas noticed though.
Thomas stood next to me and stared at Andy and Randy. "Let's play ball. By the way, we're going to kick your asses. You have two quarterbacks going against two half backs. You guys are used to taking orders and we're used to giving them."
"Fuck you," Randy teased. "You wouldn't have a game without us halfbacks. Oh, by the way, we have first outs."
Andy gave Randy a high five. "Way to go
Thomas and Randy were good athletes and the game was close. Every once in awhile, Andy switched from guarding me to guarding Thomas. But every time Andy put his hand on Thomas' back or butt, Thomas brushed his hand away with a "Keep your hands off, pervert."
I guess you get a little more confident when you've been having sex with an eighteen year old and you're playing basketball against a fifteen year old who was having sex with the same eighteen-year-old. It sounds good, but I have no idea if it's true.
Thomas and I were the first to get to twenty-one. Andy looked frustrated. "Let's play to fifty."
Thomas glanced at me. I nodded.
"You're on," Thomas snapped.
Thomas and I were ahead 45 to 43 and were dog-tired with sweat dripping everywhere. You could see the drops on the blacktop. I couldn't help but admire Thomas' glistening smooth, toned, and tanned body. I saw him looking at mine every now and then too.
"Thomas, let me warn you," I said. "Andy has a tendency to cheat. So watch out when we get close to fifty."
Andy responded defensively. "I resent that. I never cheat." Then he added with a holier than thou attitude, "I'd never do such a thing. It's beneath me."
I narrowed my eyes. "And of course you've never told a lie either."
Thomas rushed toward the basket for a lay-up and the winning point when Andy stepped in front of him, Thomas knocked him down, lost his balance, and landed face down on the grass.
"Foul!" Andy yelled. "You saw it, he ran me over and then carried the ball out of bounds. Our ball."
I grabbed Thomas' hand and pulled him up. His skin was beautiful when his muscles flexed underneath. "See what I mean. Andy cheats."
Thomas threw the ball to Andy. "Yep. I see what you mean."
Andy threw the ball to Randy, who'd already made his fair share of points for the day. We all knew Andy wanted Randy to pass the ball in so he could score the winning point.
Thomas and I stood about five or so feet apart so he'd have to drive the ball through us to do a lay-up. But to Andy's credit, he took a long jump shot, and all we heard was swoosh. He rushed over to Randy and hugged him. "We're so awesome."
Randy looked surprised, but had a big smile on his face too. "I guess we showed them quarterbacks."
Andy gave him a high-five. "Right on." He pointed to the coke machine about thirty yards away. "Losers pay."
I scowled. "You cheated."
"We didn't cheat. Your partner knocked me down and took the ball out of bounds. He shrugged. "I guess some people will do anything to protect their little quarterback egos."
"Fuck you, Andy. You got in my way. You needed to be set for at least two seconds. You weren't," Thomas said as he walked over to the coke machine. "What do you guys want?"
Andy and Randy yelled their orders. Thomas looked at me as I walked over to pay for my own. He smiled. "I got it."
Suddenly, I felt like I'd been hit up the side of the head. I looked at Thomas and then back at Andy. Thomas had class. I'd probably have continued arguing with Andy, but Thomas didn't. He just walked over, got the drinks, and paid. I'm not sure if that was a life changing moment or not, but my focus on Andy changed in that split second of realization. Even though Andy and I were best friends since we were kids, didn't mean we couldn't be best friends with other guys. It wasn't that Thomas looked better physically, although he did. It was hard for me to put my finger on it. I felt like a traitor because all these years Andy had been my best friend and now I began to look at him differently. Maybe it was his tendency to lie or cheat. I'd always passed it off as Andy being Andy. I'd never compared him to anyone else. But now I was. I began to wonder if he'd cheat on me or tell me a lie when it was convenient. Hell, he'd given up our friendship for Dillon. And while we were having awesome sex as often as we could, suddenly, at that moment on the basketball court, something changed. All the time I'm thinking I'd made a big mistake trying to save Andy from himself. I'd ignored the anger and feelings the night Andy told me I was just using my fear that he might kill himself as an excuse to have sex with him. I was pissed. I jumped him and slapped him. The guilt made me step back off the bed, and then he seduced me with his smile and the words, "Let's fuck." I pushed back all my concerns and doubts because I was still too horny to resist him.
Thomas and Randy made me realize there was a world beyond Andy. I thought I should talk to Andy about it, but was afraid I wouldn't have the guts.
We won. Matt accused me of cheating. And of course, I did. But it was just in fun. After all, it's only a game. That Thomas is one hot kid. Classy too. He didn't even argue about the loss. He paid for all our drinks, even Matt's.
Randy was a pretty good player and surprised me when he said, "First outs." He always seemed to be the shier of the two.
Randy and I took our shirts off while we drank our Cokes. I got a good look at Randy, who was more muscular than Thomas. He looked like he'd been lifting. He wasn't bulked up. But he looked good.
We still had our shirts off and were pretty sweaty when we got back to my house. "You guys want to take a shower?" I asked.
They shook their heads and I began to think a threesome or a foursome was never going to happen. It would have sure helped if I had Matt's support. After all these guys are having sex and had sex with Dillon. They must be as horny as we are.
I suggested we go into the backyard. It's a nice size and has an awning for shade. We sat on the chaise lounges. It was getting close to and I thought Thomas and Randy would leave, but they hung around.
The phone rang, and while I was heading in to answer it, the door bell rang. I turned toward the back yard and yelled, "Matt, get the front door, will you?"
The phone call was from my dad who said he and my mom had some errands to run. I hung up and there stood Matt with Alan and Ernie.
Alan glanced at Matt and me. "We told you we'd come by to see how you were doing."
Ernie gave a half smile. "And we're true to our word."
I motioned for Alan and Ernie to follow me. "Come out to the back yard. Randy and Thomas are here."
So there are the four of us sitting in the back yard all sweaty with our shirts off. Alan and Ernie looked us up and down. A smile spread across Alan's face. "What have you guys been doing?"
What I wanted to say was, unfortunately, not what you think.
"Playing basketball," Matt answered. "We just got back. We needed to get out of the house."
"Oh," Ernie said as he looked us over. "How'd the meeting at school go?"
I scowled. "Coach Mills is an asshole. We're not sure what's been going on in the locker room, but it looked like he didn't give a shit. Mrs. Crawford and the Vice-Principal weren't any better." I paused and looked at Alan and Ernie. "What the fuck's been going on over there?"
Alan shook his head. "You don't want to know."
"We kinda expected the varsity to act like assholes," Matt said. "We're hoping the JV's will be better. How have the guys on our team been acting?"
"Just like the varsity," Ernie reported. "You should see them. They're in the shower and they'll walk up to one of the other guys and say, `My name's Thomas. Do you want your ass licked or your cock sucked?' or `I'm the quarterback. Would you like me to suck your dick? I really enjoy feeling your dick and balls when I have my hand in your crotch waiting for you to hike the ball.'"
Alan went on, "For Andy, it's `Hey, I'm a half back. Would you like me to run my dick up your ass? I know you'll like it. But if you don't like that, I'd be glad to suck your cock.' And of course, there are all kinds of gyrations to go along with it. There are some, like us, who just watch and sometimes laugh. Sorry about that. It's hard not to sometimes. But we don't take part. They know we're friends and sometimes they ask us if you guys have propositioned us or if we've had our cocks sucked. We usually just tell them to fuck off."
Ernie cleared his throat. "Things aren't so bad at practice. But sometimes in the huddle, one of the guys'll make a comment about you guys not being there because you're probably out fucking each other's brains out."
I thought, "Yeah, I wish. Well, Matt and I were fucking our brains out, but I'm figuring they meant we were having a foursome and fucking our brains out. That's what I was wishing for."
Ernie paused for a moment as he quickly glanced at our half-naked bodies. Ernie's a big husky guy. He looked a bit jealous. I can't say I blame him.
Then there's tall skinny Alan. He tried to be subtle, but I noticed him giving us a bit longer stare than he might have on other occasions. I didn't figure they were gay though. They were just a little jealous. Or at least that's what I thought.
"We appreciate you guys coming by," Matt said. "You really learn who your friends are when shit like this happens."
Alan smiled. "We just wanted you guys to know we're here for you, and if you need our help, just yell. I'm not much of a fighter, but I'm willing to get my ass kicked if necessary."
"Me too," Ernie added.
Thomas stood and adjusted his shorts. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Anyway, Randy and I better go." He turned to me. "Thanks for the b-ball game and the quick lesson on winning."
I grinned and stuck my hand out to shake Thomas'. "Think nothing of it."
Thomas stuck his hand out like he was going to shake it, but made a quick swipe of my hand. He turned to Matt. "I enjoyed playing with you even though we lost. Let's do it again tomorrow or the next day and see if we can beat these two. We get first outs next time."
Randy got up, grabbed their shirts, and threw one to Thomas who quickly put it on.
Randy glanced at Ernie and Alan. "I know you're not our friends, but we hope we can be. We're all planning on sticking together for protection when we come to school on Monday. It would be nice if you joined us."
Alan and Ernie gave each other questioning looks and didn't say anything at first. Finally, Ernie replied. "I don't see why not. But I got to tell you, I think you're going to have to take a lot of shit on Monday. Maybe I should say we are going to have to take a lot of shit."
"We'll be ready," Matt assured them.
I snapped. "Let me put it this way, guys. We're not taking any shit from anyone. We'll warn them, but if they continue, they're going to have a fight on their hands. That means the varsity as well as the JVs." I couldn't help what came out next. "Oh, by the way, would you guys like to have your cocks sucked?"
Randy and Thomas faces turned red. Ernie and Alan got a scared embarrassed look on their faces until Matt and I burst out laughing with Thomas and Randy following. Of course, I would have been happy to. "By the way, we don't want those assholes at school to know they'll never get such an offer. Let them think what they want."
Thomas and Randy started toward the door. "We gotta go."
I followed them to the door and patted them on the ass as they opened the door. They both said, "pervert", in unison, as they headed out the door."
You might think I was pulling a slow seduction of these two hot freshmen, and you might be right. But at the time, it was just the kind of thing I did. But thinking about it now, they must have figured I wanted to have sex with them. Maybe if they'd never been seduced by Dillon, they wouldn't have had those thoughts. But they were wiser by then. I guess I did it because I just wanted to get them thinking about it. But of course, Matt didn't want to have anything to do with it unless they brought it up. And then I'm not sure if he'd participate. I'm sure Matt would be pissed if I had sex with either one of them.
It was good to see Ernie and Alan. Andy is still putting the moves on Thomas and Randy. Every time he does it, I get more pissed. I'd already told him how I felt, and he ignored it. When I talked to him about it over the weekend, he said he was just being Andy. And in some ways that was true. But I couldn't help but wonder if he'd fuck one or both of them if they agreed to it. I didn't believe they would, but the one thing I'd learned by then, was you just never know what somebody might do. I never thought I'd be having sex with another guy, but I was.
There was one advantage of course. No one knew Andy and I were having sex. They only knew that Thomas, Randy, and Andy had been having sex for some time. I wondered how the guys at school would treat me if they knew. But of course, as far as they knew, Dillon raped me and that was the end of it. But knowing guys, I was sure they figured I wanted it so the blame was still on me instead of Dillon. Life can sure be a pain sometimes.
Friday, the day after the meeting, started off as a relaxing one. Andy and I had sex a couple times before . We headed to the park, threw the football around, and went out to the swimming hole. The rope was still there. We stripped and swung on it like old times. We hugged in the pond and rubbed our dicks together and then got out and did it all over again. Andy did somersaults and spins and anything else he could think of while the best I did was kick my feet in the air and go in head first.
The last time we got out, Andy pointed to the spot where the grass had worn away when he and Dillon came there to fuck. It had all grown back. Andy went silent for a second or two as he pointed. "Dillon and I fucked over there. We did it off and on so many times we wore the grass down."
I tried to keep my voice calm. "I don't want to hear about it."
"Matt, you're my best friend. Who else can I talk to?"
"I don't want to hear it."
"Fuck you, Matt. I'm telling you anyway. The reason I never wanted to come here and never suggested it was because it reminds me of Dillon. Reminds me of what we had. And as much of an asshole as he is, I miss him."
Suddenly I wanted to cry. "But you have me. Aren't I good enough?"
He walked over and hugged me. And despite the hurt, my dick began to rise. "It's not you, Matt. It's me."
My dick drooped. That sounded like one of those lines from a chick flick. "What do you mean it's you and not me?"
"I think I'm all fucked up. I don't know what I want. I'm never satisfied. As soon as I think I am, I'm not. I know it hurts you to hear me say it, but I can't get Thomas and Randy out of my mind. I can't get Dillon out of my mind. None of these thoughts came to me when I thought it was just Dillon and me having sex. But when I found out the three of them were having sex, I got jealous. I'm pissed because Dillon didn't ask me to join them. That really fucks with my mind. My life is like a rollercoaster because I'm being thrown around, and no matter what I do, the ride keeps going. The ups and downs and highs and lows are planned out and no matter what I do. All my past decisions determine where that roller coaster will go."
"Well, my life isn't any better. I'm on the rollercoaster with you. You need to get off so I can get off."
"I don't think I can. My life is full of those knots you like to talk about, and sometimes at night after we have sex and I'm waiting to go to sleep, the images of my sex with Dillon flash through my mind. I spoon up next to you, put my arm over you, and squeeze you tight, hoping the images will disappear, and I'll feel your love. But the images stay and push your love away. I know it's the same for you and the rape. No matter what you do, the images are always there."
I stiffened. "Yeah, unexpected consequences. And now you're trying to put it all on me?"
"No, Matt. It's on me."
I sighed. "No, it's on me. I gave myself to you unconditionally and now you have doubts."
"Bullshit, Matt. You have conditions. What about Thomas and Randy? You said no sex with them. Isn't that a condition?"
My eyes went wide as I walked over to get my clothes. "Andy, you really are fucked up. You're supposed to love me unconditionally too."
He gave me a sad look. "But I can't, and you can't make that a condition because you said you love me unconditionally. Can't we just love each other and have sex with others too?"
I gave Andy a quick once over like I used to, then shook my head as I put my clothes on. "Let's get out of here. This place is beginning to make me sick."
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I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.