I hate to say it, but I felt like I was using Thomas. I was horny and he's so hot, I couldn't help myself. It was almost as if I was becoming like Andy. Thomas is a great guy. He's considerate, kind, and loving, but to tell you the truth I'm beginning to think I don't have any romance in my soul. Yeah, I love Andy. But I'm not in love with him. I like sex with Andy and Thomas, but it's not love; it's sex. Gina and I are close and I tried once to get her to go further than some tongue swapping, but she wasn't game. I'd like to see what it's like to have a sex with a girl. After all, you're only a teenager once in your life. Andy and I were turning sixteen in March and would soon be juniors. Before we knew it, we'd be out in the world.
But of course we were fifteen, sophomores, and had the Dillon Burke trial lying ahead of us. The trial was mentioned on the evening news and in the newspaper two days before the trial was to begin. Our names weren't mentioned, but everyone at school knew who they were talking about.
We got a lot of different looks around campus the next day. Our usual group ate lunch together and the only thing we talked about was the trial. Gina was all positive. "Dillon's finally going to get what he deserves." She nudged me. "You'll get some revenge for what he did."
I nodded. "Yeah."
Ollie looked at Andy, Thomas, and me. "All I know is what I heard on the news and from my parents. They didn't give any names. Were you all abused by this Dillon guy?"
"Dillon seduced Thomas and Randy and raped Matt," Emily said. "He's disgusting."
Ollie shook his head. "What an asshole."
"I'm glad I'm not you guys," Alan said. "Who knows what's going to happen? Dillon's lawyers are expensive and good."
Ernie nodded. "I'm glad I'm not you guys either. We know you were taken advantage of, but they have ways of turning all that around. Of course, none of us care if you're gay or not. You're our friends."
"What are you talking about?" I snapped. "Andy's the only one who's gay."
"We know," Alan said. "But it wouldn't make any difference to us if you were all gay. Shit happens. Dillon is a snake in the grass as my mom would say. We're not homophobes. We're your friends."
Gina and Emily nodded in agreement. It went on like that for a while and I'll have to admit, it felt good to know we had them in our corner no matter what. Yet, it's one thing for them to say that, but quite another if they're faced with having to be friends with guys who participated in threesomes and foursomes. I figured we'd soon find out.
Andy, Thomas, Randy, and I all took a lot of shit from the juniors and seniors in the halls, but especially at basketball practice. Some of it was good natured stuff. It helped that Andy, Randy, and I were pretty good football players, but that didn't keep the likes of Jackass Barnes, Mel Jacobs, Frank Kutcher, and Tim Garcia from giving us crap.
Kutcher cornered me at my locker before basketball practice the day before the trial. "Looks like your fucking around is going to finally come out at Dillon's trial. The guys and the coach will finally see you for what you are, a fucking fag. A lot of them are pissed that you're the reason we lost Dillon as our quarterback. We'd probably have won the league championship if we had him."
Barnes is such a stupid ass. "Well, Jackass, there was one less quarterback and you still managed to suck. You let some sophomore beat you out."
He got in my face. "You're lucky I don't want to be suspended from the basketball team. Otherwise I'd kick your ass all over the locker room."
I laughed at him and his face was streaked with anger. He punched me hard in the chest and started to walk off, but not before he said, "I don't need to kick your ass. Rumor has it, you guys are all fucked. Dillon's going to take you down. All I have to do is sit back and watch."
I yelled, "Fuck you, Barnes," knowing all the time he was probably right.
Andy, Thomas, and I cornered Randy outside the gym after basketball practice to see if we could get an idea about what he was going to say, and he was his usual asshole self. "You'll just have to wait and see." He poked his finger in my chest. "And Matt, just so you know, I'm taking you down. You're worse than Andy. Yeah, he's cocky and all, but you act like you're better than the rest of us." He lowered his voice. "But you like sucking cock and getting fucked just like the rest of us, so fuck you."
Thomas grabbed Randy by the arm. "Randy, we go way back. We've been friends since we were kids. I never remember you being like this until all the shit with Dillon came out. What's the matter with you?"
Randy pulled away. "Thomas, you're so naive. The world is a shithole and we're pieces of shit. Haven't you learned that yet? And you know what else? Everyone is going to know we're pieces of shit no matter what we say or do. You don't think Dillon Burke's lawyer is going to go easy on us. We're all going to be outed, and if you thought we were pieces of crap before, it's going to be like we're living in a sewer."
Thomas grabbed Randy's arm again. "Randy, we're all bitter. We lost our virginity and our innocence and we'll never get it back. But we should stick together against that asshole Dillon."
Andy and I stood silent while this went on. They'd been friends for years and we hoped that Thomas could reason with him. But it wasn't any use.
Randy turned to all of us. "Dillon is an asshole. He took advantage of us. But you know what? I love sucking cock, getting fucked, and fucking other guys. If it wasn't for Dillon, I'd still be beating off in my bedroom by myself."
I couldn't let that go. "We might all be, except for maybe Andy, but we sure as hell wouldn't be going to court tomorrow either. What the fuck's the matter with you?"
Andy jumped in. "What do you mean, except for Andy?"
"You were looking for guy sex. Dillon didn't seduce you. It was mutual. You're just pissed because he led you to believe he loved you when he didn't. I'm not saying you're bad or worse than us, but you went into it with your eyes wide open. Dillon slowly seduced Thomas and Randy and tried raping me. There's the difference."
That pissed him off. "Fuck you, Matt. You wanted Dillon too. You just refuse to admit it. You got a taste of his mouth on your cock and it wasn't long before you had mine on yours."
"Calm down you guys," Thomas said. "We need to go into court as friends, not enemies."
Thomas was right. "I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't mean it the way it came out."
Andy shook his head. "Me too."
"What a beautiful love fest," Randy tossed out. "It brings tears to my eyes. Just wait and see. We're all going to have to pay no matter what we do, unless you plan on lying. Are you going to lie?"
We looked at each other and all shook our head in a NO.
"So just hold onto your dicks. We're in for a long shitty ride. You better also stick a plug in your ass, because Dillon's lawyer is going to do everything he can to fuck with us."
"How do you know so much?" Thomas asked.
"Kyle. After we had sex with Andy, he made some offhanded comment about Dillon. He said something like, `Dillon would sure find what we're doing interesting.' I didn't give it much thought because we'd all had sex with Dillon and figured Kyle meant he'd want to be with us. But it might be more than that. I'm not sure. The defense could call him as a witness. I talked to Kyle about our foursome one time after we'd fucked, told him how hot it was, and how Andy organized the whole thing. He laughed when I told him how he ran it like a football practice. That's when he said he said he'd like to have sex with all of us." He pointed at Thomas and me. "I told him there wasn't any way you guys would be interested, but Andy would. I was right. Andy joined us."
"Do you think we were set up?" Andy asked.
"I don't know. But like I said, we're just shit. No one gives a fuck about us. We'll get outed, people will treat us like shit, and our lives will be hell for the next two-and-a-half years of high school. Wake up and smell the shit. Dillon's family is rich and like he once told me, `he who has the gold makes the rules.'"
Coach Gilbert, who was our JV football coach and the varsity basketball coach, came out of the locker room. "What up, guys?" He paused. "I'm really stupid, aren't I? You must be talking about the trial tomorrow."
"Right, Coach," I said. "We don't know what to expect. The thought of rehashing all this again is on our mind."
He patted me on the back and smiled at all of us. "Don't worry, everything will be fine."
Little did he know, I thought.
The day of the trial day was the scariest day of my life. Well, actually the first day and every day of the trial after that. We went to school in the morning because we didn't have to be at court until 1:00 PM. They only allowed us all in the courtroom to listen to the opening statements. Once the trial started, they wouldn't allow us in the courtroom because they didn't want us to hear the testimony of the other witnesses.
The DA, Roger Wheeler, looked like a corporate lawyer. He was dressed in a dark navy blue suit with a blue and red striped tie. He had prematurely gray hair at the temples. He stood and began his opening statement. "It is the prosecution's purpose to demonstrate and prove that Dillon Burke, an adult, is guilty of statutory rape. We will prove that he had sex with four minors. Two were thirteen at the time. Two others were fourteen. They are now fourteen and fifteen. The two older boys will be sixteen in March. Dillon Burke was eighteen at the time he was having sex with these four boys. He forced one boy to have sex by tying him to his bed and forcing himself on him. These are the simple facts of this case."
He sat down and one of the three lawyers Dillon had representing him stood. His name was Scott Perrimon. He was in his sixties and looked fatherly. "Good afternoon. The prosecution believes this case is a slam dunk. But we will point out that first Dillon Burke was not eighteen when he first had sex with these boys. Second, these boys seduced Dillon Burke. Third, jealousy played an important part in the fact that the relationship with these boys came to light. And lastly, the boy that said he was raped actually came onto Dillon. We ask that you keep an open mind. Thanks you for taking the time to be on this jury."
He sat down. Judge Fienberg rapped his gavel and asked that all witnesses leave the court. What follows comes from the court record which Matt and I recently obtained.
Roger Wheeler stood and called Matt to the stand. He went through the preliminaries of asking his name, swearing to tell the truth, etc. before beginning his questioning. "Would you please describe what happened the evening of Dillon Burke's birthday party?"
"Andy Gibson and I attended a party at Dillon's. I was surprised I was invited."
"Why was that?"
"Well, Dillon and Andy Gibson, were good friends and spent a lot of time together. I'd never been included."
"Why do you think he invited you to the party?"
"I wasn't sure at first. But it seemed he wanted me there so he could force himself on me."
Joel Banta, one of Dillon's three lawyers yelled, "Objection. This calls for the witness's opinion." Banta was a stocky man with curly hair.
"What happened at the party?"
"My friend, Andy, went to get us something to drink and these two younger boys, that we didn't know, started talking to him."
"What happened then?"
"Dillon asked me to come up to his room."
"Did you go willingly?"
I hesitated. "Yes. I was curious. He was a great athlete. Andy used to talk about his room all the time. I wanted to see it."
"What happened once you were in the room?"
"He closed the door and locked it."
"Did you know when you first entered the room that he'd locked the door?"
"No. Only afterward," I said as I glanced at the jury.
"What happened next?"
"I started looking at all his pictures and trophies. I thought it was a little over the top, but I was still impressed."
"What was Dillon doing while you were looking at the trophies?"
"He was making small talk and I could hear him moving closer to me."
"Did he touch you?"
Again, I paused. This was hard. "Yes. He put his hands on my shoulders, then ran his hands under my shirt and rubbed my chest while licking inside my ear. He said something like, "You really turn me on."
Wheeler looked at his notes. "Did that scare you?"
"Yes. I hadn't expected it. I didn't even think he liked me."
"Did you ask him to stop?"
"Yes. I spun around and told him to get his hands off me. I told him he was eighteen and I was fifteen."
"So you knew it was statutory rape?"
"Objection. Asking the witness to testify to the legal issue he may not understand."
"Would you please tell the jury what you think statutory rape is?"
"It's when an adult, anyone over eighteen, has sex with a minor, anyone under eighteen." It was one answer that didn't scare me.
"Thank you. What did you do next?"
"I headed toward the door. Dillon grabbed me and threw me on the bed. He put his knee in the middle of my chest and pinned my arms over my head. He tried to kiss me, but I twisted my face away. He said something about wanting me for a long time. I told him to let me go."
"Why didn't you push him off you and run away?"
"He weighed a lot more than me. I'd been struggling to get him off, but was weak under his weight."
"Did he say anything to you while this was going on?"
"He said something about my looking at him all the time and wanting him."
"No. I'm fifteen and didn't think I was gay." That might not have been quite the right answer.
"You said you didn't think you were gay. Are you gay?"
"Did you ask him to stop?"
"Yes, but he didn't. He sat on my hips, grabbed my hands, and surprised me when he bound my hands with the Velcro straps he already had tied to the headboard of his bed."
"Did you resist?"
"Yes, but he'd worn me out. Like I said, he outweighed me and I couldn't get him off me. I had no idea he had the Velcro straps."
"What did he do once he had your hands tied to his headboard?"
"He lifted my shirt up and rubbed his hands over my chest and stomach."
"What else did he do?"
I paused. I didn't want to go into detail. As you can see, I tried to keep my testimony general, but now the DA wanted more.
"Do I have to tell you?"
"We need to know."
I cleared my throat. "He pinched my nipples, licked them, sucked on them, and then pulled my pants down."
"I know this is hard, but you need to tell us what happened next."
"He tried to put my penis in his mouth. I wiggled my hips to keep him from doing it. I told him to untie me and that I didn't want him to do this."
"Did he stop?"
"No. He took his pants off, sat on my chest with his back to me, and you know sucked me. The only reason he stopped was because Andy came to the door. Dillon put his index finger up to his lips, untied me, and told me to get dressed and go over and look at his trophies."
"Did you do as he asked?"
"I was afraid Andy would find out what happened and be upset."
"Why would he be upset?"
"Because Dillon and Andy were good friends."
"Were they having sex?"
"I don't know."
I saw the defense lawyers conversing and writing notes.
"What did Dillon do about Andy?"
"Andy wanted to know why the door was locked. He said I was using the bathroom and the door must have gotten locked by accident. He said he'd gotten something on his pants and was putting on another pair. That was to give me time to get dressed and go over to the trophies as if nothing had happened."
"Was Andy suspicious?"
"Objection. He can't speak for Andy."
"What did Andy say?"
"He asked us what was going on and why the door was locked. Dillon told him the door got locked by accident and that I was just in there looking at all his trophies and pictures."
"Did Andy believe him?"
"Did you stay in the room?"
"I made small talk with Andy, who started in about all the cool stuff Dillon had in his room. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of the room, out of the house, and down the street. I called my dad, and he picked me up."
"Did you tell your dad what happened?"
"I wanted to, but was too afraid and ashamed."
"Thank you. No more questions."
Joel Banta, the guy who kept making all the objections, grabbed his yellow legal pad off the table.
"You said you were ashamed. If you hadn't done anything wrong, why were you ashamed?"
I wanted to cry. "I don't know. I just was."
"Were you ashamed because you liked what Dillon had done to you? You wanted it and had encouraged him by looking at him. Didn't he tell you he'd seen you looking at him?"
I squirmed in the witness chair. "I had looked at him. He's the starting quarterback. I'm a quarterback. I wanted to be like him."
"You said you didn't think he liked you. Didn't you go out with Dillon and Andy one afternoon at the park near your house to throw the football around?
"Did you look at him then?"
"Yeah, just like any guy would look at a guy he's envious of."
"Are you sure it wasn't more than that?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
Banta looked at his notes. "Did Dillon give you the impression he didn't like you that day?"
"Then why do you say you didn't think he liked you and you couldn't understand why he invited you to his birthday party?"
I cleared my throat. "I was just surprised is all."
"Who invited you to play football that day?"
"Dillon told Andy to invite me."
"I'm confused. If Dillon invited you, how could you think he didn't like you?"
"He drove off with Andy, and left me on the field to get home by myself. Wouldn't someone who liked you at least give you a ride home?"
"How far do you live from the park?"
"A couple blocks."
"So why do you find it odd that he left you there? Didn't he and Andy have plans?"
"So if I understand you correctly, the only indication you have that Dillon didn't like you is that he drove off with Andy and didn't take you home."
I paused. "Kinda."
"Let's get to the party. What happened when you got to the party?"
"Dillon greeted us, put his arms around Andy and my shoulders, and took us into the kitchen to meet his parents."
"Were they nice?"
"Did you or Andy mention that Dillon was helping you with football?"
"What did they say?"
"It's hard to remember, but I think they said something about him helping a lot of other boys."
"Did that seem normal to you?"
Banta walked to the defense table and grabbed another legal pad.
"You stated that Andy walked off to get you both something to drink. Did you ask him to or did he do it on his own?"
"He asked me if I wanted something to drink. I was nervous and thirsty."
"So as far as you know, Dillon did not pull Andy away from you so he could get you to his room?"
"No need to continue. Just keep your answers short."
"You testified that two younger boys came up and started talking to Andy. Do you know those boys?"
"I didn't at the time, but I do now."
"Why do you know them now?"
"Their parents exposed Dillon later, and we got to know them then."
"What do you mean exposed?"
"Told the police that Dillon was having sex with their sons."
"How did you feel about that?"
"It didn't surprise me."
"Did it surprise Andy Gibson?"
Roger Wheeler yelled, "Objection. The witness cannot testify to what Andy Gibson was thinking."
"Let me rephrase that. Did Andy Gibson ever tell you he was surprised about Dillon Burke allegedly having sex with other boys?"
"So it's possible that nothing happened between these two boys and Dillon Burke. Otherwise your best friend would have known about it. Right?"
I was getting pissed. "It wasn't like that."
"What do you mean?"
"Andy and Dillon were good friends and he was unaware that Dillon was helping Thomas and Randy."
"When you say helping, what do you mean?"
"Helping them with football. They were still at the middle school and not at the high school. That's why we didn't know them."
"So to the best of your knowledge, Dillon was just helping them with football?"
I wanted to punch Banta in the mouth, but had no choice but to answer. "Yes."
Banta turned the page on his legal pad. "Did you find it odd that these two boys came up to talk to Andy Gibson?"
"He was the starting halfback on the JVs and I figured they kind of respected and idolized him."
"So, in other words, it seemed normal?"
"Yes, except that..."
"Only answer my questions with a yes or no unless I indicate otherwise."
Banta walked to the defense table and talked to the other lawyers, letting me sit there and sweat. One of the lawyers handed him a note. I wasn't sure if this was for show or what, so I sat there and squirmed in the witness chair.
Banta moved toward me. "You said you went to Dillon's room when he asked you if you wanted to see it. Is that right?"
"Did you think he had anything else in mind besides showing you his room?"
"You testified that he locked the door after you walked into his room. Did you see or hear him lock the door?"
"No. I just assumed..."
"Please, just a yes or no."
"You stated earlier than Dillon put both his hands on your shoulders. Did that seem odd?"
"We weren't good friends and it surprised me."
"Did you like it when he put his hands under your shirt and rubbed your chest?"
"Hell no. I spun around and told him to stop."
"Just a yes or no."
I folded my arms over my chest. I wanted to take the 5th, but wasn't sure you can do that if you're not the one on trial.
"What did you do then?"
"I decided to leave."
"How were you going to do that if the door was locked?"
"I don't know. Figured I'd unlock it."
"So you never really knew if the door was locked or not because you never tried to unlock it?"
"No, I didn't."
"Yet, you said he locked the door. How do you know that?"
That seemed like his first mistake. "Andy couldn't get in."
"We'll get to that later. What happened as you were running to the door?"
"Dillon grabbed me and threw me on the bed."
"Just like that. You weigh 160 lbs and he just threw you on the bed?"
"I didn't weigh that much at the time."
"Why didn't you just roll off the bed?"
"He caught me by surprise and put his knee on my chest before I had a chance to get up."
"Did you yell?"
"Doesn't that seem like the logical thing to do if someone is raping you?"
I didn't want to deal with this. The whole thing seemed stupid. I should have yelled and I didn't and now these assholes wanted to twist it all around.
"Let me see if I've got this right. Dillon threw you on the bed, put his knee on your chest, and as I understand from your earlier testimony, tried to kiss you. And yet you didn't yell. Why didn't you yell?"
My voice got loud. "I don't know why I didn't yell. I just didn't."
"Is it possible you wanted Dillon to kiss you and put his penis in your mouth and that's why you didn't yell?"
"No. I resisted."
"You may have resisted, but you didn't yell. Your silence speaks volumes."
Roger Wheeler objected. "Objection. The defense is testifying and indicating that the silence or Matt's not screaming indicates more than it does. In addition, Mr. Banta is badgering the witness."
I glanced at the judge every now and then and it often seemed like he was asleep, but I guess it was his way. He said, "Objection sustained."
Of course, he'd sustained every objection so far, so who knew. I was ready for it to be over. It was nearing 3:30 PM and I figured we'd go home at least by four. There was a good chance I'd pass out before we got there.
Wheeler stood. "Your Honor, this young man has been testifying for almost two hours. I think we should stop for the day and start again in the morning."
"You're probably right, Mr. Wheeler, but I'd like to see the defense at least get to the point where this young man ran out of the room. Mr. Banta, could you move along please?"
"Yes, Your Honor."
"Matt, you stated earlier that he tied your hands to the headboard. You look like a pretty strong young man. How did he manage that?"
"He pinned my hands over my head while he was trying to kiss me. I was twisting my head from side to side so he couldn't, and before I knew he had the straps around my wrists."
"Did you feel scared?"
"But you didn't scream?" There wasn't any way I was going to tell them Dillon told me the room was soundproof and I believed him. I figured it would only make me sound stupid. And besides, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway. I really didn't know. I just didn't scream.
"You testified that he lifted your shirt, bit, licked, and sucked your nipples. How did that feel?"
God I was pissed. Yeah, it felt good, but it also felt wrong. There wasn't any way I was going to tell him that. "Weird," I said. That seemed like the perfectly appropriate answer.
"You know, the starting quarterback on the varsity football team, biting, licking, and sucking your nipples. I thought he was straight. All I can say is it was weird."
"So you didn't like it?"
"No, it was weird. I'd told him to stop."
He glanced at his notes. "You testified that he pulled your pants down. Did you have an erection?"
"Either you did or you didn't. Did you have an erection?"
"So you did like what he was doing to you?"
"Then, why did you have an erection?"
I had him there. "My penis has a mind of its own. That's about all I can say."
The courtroom filled with snickers.
"You may think you're being funny, but you didn't answer my question."
"I did. I don't know why I had an erection. It wasn't like I willed it."
"I still don't understand why you didn't yell."
Wheeler stood. "Your Honor, the defense can't seem to let this alone. Would you please ask him to stop badgering the witness?"
The judge looked at Banta. "Mr. Banta, you're running this thing into the ground. We've accepted that this young man didn't yell. Do you have any idea what you would do if you thought someone was raping you? No one knows until it happens. So move on."
"You testified that Andy Gibson knocked on the door. Were you disappointed?"
"No. I wanted Dillon to stop."
"It was only then that you found out the door was locked, right?"
"Yes. Andy wanted to know why the door was locked."
"I only have a few questions left. Why did you follow Dillon's orders to get dressed and look at the trophies as if nothing happened?"
"Dillon and Andy were good friends and I didn't want Andy to know what happened. And like I said before, I was ashamed."
"There you go again, Matt. You said you were ashamed. But you testified you didn't do anything wrong."
"All I know is that thousands of thoughts and feelings were rushing through my mind, and not telling Andy seemed like the right thing to do. It was only later that I..."
"No need to elaborate. So, if I understand it correctly, you acted like nothing happened, made small talk with Andy, and then ran out of the room, called your dad, and headed home. Is that correct?"
Banta turned to the judge. "I have no further questions at this time, but reserve the right to recall this witness at a later time."
Finally, it was over, well at least for the time being. We still didn't have any idea what the defense had in mind. I felt that I'd done a pretty good job of pointing out that Dillon forced himself on me. That asshole Banta just couldn't leave the "you did not yell" crap alone. But the judge was right. No one knows what they would do.
Wheeler was good about just sticking with the facts of the rape. Banta tried to make it into more than it was, but Dillon still forced himself on me. Whatever Andy and I did later had nothing to do with Dillon raping me. There wasn't any way I could see him getting away with rape. Andy, Thomas, and Randy might have it tougher. But it was statutory rape no matter how you looked at it.
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I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, & 3. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.