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These two nice looking girls, Megan and Zoe, came by and kept flirting with Thomas and Colt. I was a little jealous. My eyes knew beauty when they saw it, and these two girls were beautiful. They were only sophomores, but I'd seen them around campus because they hung with the cool crowd and were popular and rich.
I didn't say much, but the whole time I was thinking, I'd like to take one of them out. Hell, I thought I might want to take both of them out. They knew Thomas and Colt were gay, so why not me, Mr. Half-Closeted? Up to that point, I'd never said I was gay. Yeah, I liked sex with guys, but hell, for all I knew I'd like sex with girls too. The funny thing was, it didn't seem right to just date a girl for sex. For some reason, I didn't feel the same way about guys. Maybe it's because they couldn't get pregnant.
At some point I remember thinking, Be bold and ask one of them out. They'd probably kill to go out with a junior.
Thinking about these girls reminded me of Gina. She and I talked once in a while, but she was always walking arm in arm with Billy Martin and giving him quick kisses before going to class. Sometimes I thought she did it when I was around just to make me jealous. The stupid thing was, I was a little jealous. After all, Gina was my first real date with anyone, boy or girl. We had been close at one time, and now we were miles apart. I missed our talks.
At last Emily and Alan still hung with us at lunch. Emily felt jilted, and even today at lunch she brought up Gina. "I hardly ever spend time with Gina anymore since she and Billy are an item. I miss the way things used to be."
"Em, the one thing I've learned is times and life don't pause for any of us. They are always moving and changing," I said. "Hell, when everything in life is going great, I just expect it to turn to shit. But the opposite is also true. When everything is going badly, I expect life to become awesome again if I just wait long enough. There's something to be said for hope."
She rocked her head right and left. "I guess so. But you see Alan and I are still having lunch with you guys. Why not Gina and Billy? Ollie and Sonia are still here, and Ernie and Carmen are too when they're not off sitting under a tree like they are today."
"Emily, you expect too much," Ollie said. "Like Matt said, life isn't like that. You're still friends aren't you?"
"Yeah, but it's not the same." She squeezed Alan's hand. "They should be here with us." She tilted her head toward Billy and Gina who were just walking out of the cafeteria holding hands. "There they go."
Alan nudged Emily. "Em, let's go. It would be nice to spend some time away from these guys." He grinned. "You know, some quiet, alone time? If they can do it so can we." He stood, grabbed Emily's hand, and they headed off in the same direction as Gina and Billy.
As if that wasn't enough, Ollie and Sonia got up and did the same. "So long, guys."
So the four gay guys sat looking alone and lost. There wasn't any way I was going to hold Andy's hand in the cafeteria, and Colt and Thomas were the same. We just stared each other.
I shrugged. "Looks like the four gay guys have been deserted by the heteros. I sure don't want this to become the gay table. Maybe we should leave too."
"Fuck `em," Andy said then looked at me. "Matt, you're the only one in denial. I really don't give a shit what they think." He turned to Thomas and Colt. "How `bout you guys?"
Thomas nodded in agreement. "I don't care either."
Colt hesitated before he said. "I...I...I kinda do."
Thomas frowned and squinted his eyes. "You do?"
"Yeah, I like to think of myself as more than just a gay guy. I kinda liked it when Megan and Zoe came by and flirted with us. They seemed to like us, and I liked it. Made me feel more than just another gay boy."
Thomas threw one leg over the bench so he faced Colt. "Are you serious? They're girls, and we're gay."
"So what. I have eyes. It's a fact, Thomas. There are hot guys, and there are also hot girls. If you don't see that, then you're blind."
"I agree with you," Andy said. "I've been with a lot of girls, and some are really hot. I prefer guys, but those two girls caught my eye. How `bout you, Matt?"
"Uh. Yeah, they're nice looking."
"I saw you looking them up and down. You may not have said anything, but I was afraid you were going to begin to drool. Maybe we should invite them to come out to the pond with us next time."
I smiled. "You're so full of shit, Andy. You have no intention of bringing a girl out there with us."
"Maybe so, but you're afraid of commitment, and who knows what you might do. For all I know, you might ask Megan or Zoe out."
"How would you feel if I did?"
"I don't own you. You can go out with whoever you want."
Colt interrupted. "I don't understand you two. You're best friends, you fuck around together, but you aren't boyfriends. What's the deal?"
Andy spoke before I had a chance. "It's this way: Matt is afraid of commitment, so we are friends with benefits. You and Thomas are committed to each other, although it was in doubt for a while. That's the difference."
Colt got this thoughtful look on his face. "I think I understand."
Thomas kicked him under the table.
"Ouch. What was that for?"
"I don't need to tell you. You know."
I couldn't let this go. "You know what, we're always under a lot of pressure to become a couple. It's in all the gay movies and gay stories. It's always the same basic storyline. The main conflict occurs when one guy in the relationship wants to stay in the closet and the other doesn't. It seems to me if a person really loves someone, they respect their wishes and shouldn't try to force them do something they don't want to do. Andy and I have talked about this a lot. He wants to be in a committed relationship, and I like things the way they are. Obviously, I'm not exactly in the closet, but I don't want us to be a gay couple. He doesn't like it, but I think he understands. What is love if it isn't wanting what's best for the other person? If love is just about satisfying our own needs, then you have to wonder if that's really love."
"You're trying to satisfy your own needs aren't you?" Thomas asked.
He had me there. I wanted sex with Andy, but no commitment. "Yes, but we're in high school for crap sakes. We're not old enough to get married. What's the hurry? And besides, it's not just gay kids. Look at all the hetero couples who are in relationships that probably won't last. A few will, but most won't. They may or may not be having sex. Some girls will get pregnant. At least we don't have to worry about that." I expected Andy to say something, but he didn't.
"Does this mean you're free to date?" Colt asked.
I nodded. "Yep."
"And Andy too?"
Thomas threw his leg back over the bench and looked at me. "But you and Andy are still having sex. It doesn't seem right. You want the best of all worlds."
"Look, Thomas. Andy doesn't have to have sex with me if he doesn't want to. We are mutually-consenting teenagers. What's the big deal? Is your relationship with Colt only based on sex?"
"I wouldn't like it if he dated someone else."
Andy suddenly spoke, and what he said surprised me. "That's because you're in a committed relationship. It narrows your choices. Matt and I can have sex together, and we can date. I'm not sure how I'd feel if he had sex with someone else, but since we're not boyfriends, he could. Hell, after some of the things we've done, that would be nothing." He pointed at Thomas and me. "We've all had sex together except for Colt, so what's the big deal?"
Colt got this funny expression on his face and then said, "But I'd like to."
Thomas' face turned red. "I thought we already decided–"
"We have, but it doesn't mean I don't want to."
"Matt and I aren't into that shit anymore, so Thomas, you have nothing to worry about. Like they say on Shark Tank: when more than one shark is out, we're out."
Yeah, I said we're out even though I was thinking, Damn, a foursome would be great. That way I could have sex with Colt legally, at least in everyone else's eyes. Thomas and Matt were the problem. But it was Matt who said we were mutually-consenting teenagers. Why couldn't the four of us mutually consent to a foursome? Seemed only logical to me.
I kept trying to understand Matt's point of view, but it was hard. Maybe if I had someone else other than Colt that I'd like to fuck, it might be different, but right now there wasn't anyone, and I couldn't see why Matt and I couldn't be a couple. Well, it wasn't to be, and I just had to accept it. I knew Matt loved me, and that's all that really counted anyway. Couple or not, we were best buds as well as fuck buddies. Sometimes, we expected too much out of life and we may as well have been a couple. So I just began to act like we were.
Thomas was kinda right about Matt being selfish and wanting his own way, but hell, I'm not any different, and sometimes in life all you can do is compromise. The only foreseeable problem I saw coming was that Matt might want to ask Zoe or Megan out. Colt seemed interested in the idea too. When I thought back on all the girls I had sex with before Dillon, I sometimes wondered why I didn't ask one of those girls out myself. I guess I just wasn't motivated enough. I preferred guys, and maybe it was time I began to take a closer look at some of the gay members of the Gay Straight Alliance. There were a few good looking guys, but after starting the club, I didn't much like the idea of using it to find sex partners or even a boyfriend. Matt was the only one I wanted, and there seemed to be nothing I could do about it.
Thomas and Colt were headed out the front doors of the school when Zoe and Megan caught up with them.
"Colt," Zoe yelled. "Wait up."
Colt stopped and turned around, but Thomas grabbed his hand and pulled him forward.
"You too, Thomas Galbraith," Megan said in a demanding voice.
Thomas and Colt turned back. Thomas squinted his eyes and shook his head. "We're not interested."
"Don't listen to him," Colt said. "What do you want?"
Zoe curled her hair around her index finger, then she put her hand on Colt's arm. "You look and feel strong."
"Megan and I loved watching you guys play basketball. You looked hot in those shorts and jerseys that show off the muscles in your arms. We know you're gay and all, but we won't bite."
"We're not interested," Thomas repeated, with a bit of irritation in his voice.
Colt gave Zoe a broad smile. "What do you have in mind?"
Megan shook her head so her hair swung back and forth like leaves in the wind. "How `bout we get something to drink and talk?" She grabbed Thomas' hand.
He pulled back. "I know what you're up to, and it's not going to work."
Megan frowned. "Hey, we know you're gay, and we're not up to anything. We just want to be friends. Are you afraid of girls or something?"
"No," Thomas snapped back.
"Then let's get something to drink."
"It's just...it's just..." Thomas tried to get out. "You know. It just doesn't seem right. Colt and I are a couple."
Megan put her hands on her hips. "Fine. You and Colt sit on one side of the table, and Zoe and I will sit on the other. How's that? You know, just like friends. You do it with Emily and Sonia at lunch. It's all innocent."
Colt grabbed Thomas' forearm. "Come on, Thomas. They just want to be friends."
Thomas pulled away. "You go. I'm not going."
"I won't go without you."
"Hey you two," Megan said. "Don't have a lover's quarrel over this. It's not worth it. It's just a drink. Loosen up, Thomas. Compromise. Colt wants to go, so let's go."
Thomas looked at Colt who had a pleading look on his face. "Shit. I guess it won't hurt. After all, you sure as hell aren't going to seduce us."
Megan was thinking, Oh, how little you know. Just wait. I'm soon going to have your naked body next to mine.
The four of them opened the door to Sam's Pizza. Zoe grabbed Colt's hand. He didn't resist. Megan did the same to Thomas, but he pulled his hand way. "Drinks only, remember?"
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. Think how it'll shake up everyone's way of thinking. It'll be fun. Relax." She grabbed his hand again as they walked into Sam's. The usual after-school crowd was there, and the four of them got stares because the whole school new Thomas and Colt were a gay couple.
Thomas saw the kids taking quick looks at them, and he turned to Megan and smiled. "This is kinda fun. Look at them all gawking."
"Yeah, look at them," Colt said with a bit of pride.
They found a table and sat across from each other. No sooner had they sat, than Zoe and Megan excused themselves to use the restroom.
"So far so good," Megan said. "The only problem is we might both get dates at the same time, and how would we decide who won the bet?"
Zoe looked hopeful. "Maybe we should consider this a date. After all, we're all having a drink together. You know. We both win."
"Not on your life. We have to get one of them to take us out on a real date. This doesn't count. Plus, I want to get Thomas alone and get his clothes off. You can see how delectable he is."
"You mean you're going to give up your virginity just to ungay him?"
Megan grabbed her lipstick out of her purse. "He's nice. He's good looking, and it sure wouldn't hurt if he was my first. Plus, he has a lot of experience."
"Yeah, with guys."
"He's got a tongue, and you know the kinds of things gay guys do with their tongues. Why can't he do that to me?"
"Don't be so vulgar."
Megan moved in close to the mirror, pinched her cheeks to make them red, then put lipstick on. "Well, it's the truth. What the hell do you think they do? They lick each other all over, suck on each other's nipples and penises, and lick where the sun don't shine. My vagina sure isn't any worse."
Zoe turned red. "Seems like you've given this a lot of thought. Sounds disgusting to me."
Megan threw her lipstick back in her purse. "Get off your high horse. Colt seems even more willing than Thomas. You've got the easier job."
Zoe smiled. "You're right. Colt seems ripe for the picking."
"So let's get out of here and let the games begin."
I stopped in my tracks when I saw Zoe and Megan talking to Thomas and Colt. My heart sunk a little. I had my eye on Megan. She seemed more assertive than Zoe, and I like that in a girl. Well, in anyone actually, boy or girl.
It was obvious that Thomas didn't want to have anything to do with Megan. Colt was a little more receptive to Zoe's touch. Then the next thing I noticed was them walking off together. I tried to resist the temptation to follow them, but I couldn't. I followed them to Sam's Pizza. The four of them walked in holding hands. Shit, I thought. What the fuck's going on? They were laughing as they entered. I wanted to go in so badly, but instead, I stood outside until my curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone looked at me as if I was a lost sheep and everyone was probably questioning why I wasn't there with Andy. All eyes followed me over to the table where Thomas and Colt were sitting next to each other.
"Didn't you guys come in with Megan and Zoe?" I asked as I sat down across from them.
Colt smiled. "Yep, we're playing a little game on everyone. You should have seen the stares. I loved it."
"They're powdering their noses," Thomas added in a sullen voice.
I took a fake swing at him. "Don't be such a sourpuss. They're girls, not aliens from another planet."
"It doesn't feel right."
I shook my head. "That's stupid. We already have Emily, Gina, well we used to anyway, Sonia, and sometimes Carmen sitting with us every day."
He pointed to Colt. "Yeah, but they're in relationships just like us."
"You two are sitting here together by yourselves. It looks like you're a couple to me."
"Shut up. Here they come."
Megan tried to slide in next to me. "Matt, move over, and give us some room."
"Yes, ma'am," I said trying to give her my best smile. "So what's up? You know these two are gay don't you?"
"Yep, we're just having fun," Megan said. "You should have seen the looks we got when we walked it. Anyway, what are you doing here?"
I was stuck for an answer. I sure as hell didn't want to say, I followed you guys here and decided to come in to see what was going on. "Thought I'd get a pizza to take home."
Zoe scooted in beside Megan, and our side of the booth got a bit tight. Megan's ass was pushing against mine. I turned to Megan and gave her an `I want to eat you' look. Well, that's at least what I tried to do even though I had no idea what my feelings were except that I thought she was beautiful and sexy. But of course, she asked, "Where's Andy?"
"I don't know. We're not connected at the hip. He's not my boyfriend." I pointed at Thomas and Colt. "So we're not always together like these two."
Megan nudged me with her butt. "Well, I'm personally happy you came. Why don't you have pizza with us?"
"I'd like that," I said just as the waitress came over to get our orders.
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. - John F. Kennedy
If there is no struggle, there is no progress. - Frederick Douglass
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. - Maya Angelou
If you like this story, contact me at email@example.com I answer all emails.
I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, 3, & 4. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.