Colt was shocked when Andy yelled "Matt's going to fuck Colt.". He didn't know whether to run and hide or just act like nothing happened. He chose the latter. Just because Andy was yelling this crap didn't mean anyone would pay attention to him, but Colt headed back to his locker as if nothing had happened. Thomas was standing at his locker and said, "What the hell is going on?"
"Hell if I know. I think it's something between Matt and Andy."
Thomas grabbed his helmet. "Is what Andy said true? Are you and Matt fucking?"
"No." That was the truth, at least at that point.
"Are you planning on fucking?"
"Well, it's none of my business. But watch out."
"I'm a big boy," Colt said as he slipped on his shoulder pads. "I can take care of myself."
"Maybe so. But you're playing ball with the big boys now, and who knows what might happen. Look what happened with Dillon."
"That's old crap. I'm sixteen, and Matt is seventeen. We're not kids anymore. The only thing we have to worry about is the homophobes."
Thomas rapped his helmet on Colt's shoulder pads. "Yeah, and Andy."
Colt and Thomas headed out to the practice field just as Andy and Matt returned to the locker room with Coach following behind them.
Andy put his hand in front of him and gave Colt the finger. Colt didn't say anything.
Thomas patted Colt on the shoulder pads with his hand. "I told you that you're playing with the big boys now. Those two are in trouble."
"Couldn't be much," Colt said. "They were only out there for a few minutes."
"Looks pretty serious to me," Thomas said as they headed out of the locker room and onto the field.
"There he is now," Jackass Barnes said. "Matt's fuck buddy."
"What the hell are you talking about, Barnes?" Thomas asked.
"Guess you haven't heard. Andy told everyone Matt's going to fuck your old boyfriend. Are you going to watch?"
"You know what, Barnes, it's none of your fucking business what happens with me, Colt, Matt, or Andy. Just keep your bullshit to yourself and your stupid ass questions to yourself."
"Well, Thomas, in case you haven't heard, Coach benched Matt and Andy for fighting."
Colt looked surprised. "What were they fighting about?"
"Your fine ass."
Colt started after Barnes. Thomas grabbed him. "Ignore him. He's an ignorant dick and not worth your time."
Colt attempted to pull away, but Thomas got between Colt and Barnes. "You don't need to get benched too. You might get a chance to play this week with Andy out."
That slowed Colt down. He hadn't thought of that, and while he hated to be able to play because they were benched, he wanted to play more than kick Barnes' ass. Plus, he didn't know if he'd be able to kick Barnes' ass in the first place.
I don't know what came over me when I yelled "Matt's going to fuck Colt.". That had to be one of the dumbest things I'd done in a long time. One thing led to another, and before I knew it Matt and I were fighting, and we got benched for it. Just when I thought I had everything under control I go and do something stupid. I'd hoped that Coach Gilbert was going to let us off the hook, but as usual, he did what he had to do. You have to respect a guy who doesn't play favorites.
Matt and I kinda made up in Coach Gilbert's office. I say kinda because while everything seemed fine on the surface, we were both still angry. I even joked with him when I hugged him and asked if he wanted to fuck to make up. He said, "No, I'm going to fuck Colt.", and then he laughed liked it was a big joke.
Well, it may have seemed like a big joke to him. It wasn't to me because it pissed me off. But what could I do. I'd just told him what you and Colt do is none of my business, and tried to cleverly pass it off by saying, "You're joking, right?"
I wanted to hear, "Yeah, Andy, I'm joking," but instead he said, "I love you, Andy, but we're not boyfriends. We're best friends, and there's a difference. What Colt and I do is our business. You said you weren't going to have sex with me, and I'm respecting that."
"It seemed the right thing at the time," I said. It almost sounded like I was whining. I wanted to beg him to come to my place and forget about Colt, but I just added, "You're right, Matt and like your dad loves to say, `You made your bed, now lie in it.' I just wish you were in that bed with me."
"Very funny, Andy. But my dad is right, for whatever it's worth. We're always going to be best friends, and being best friends has nothing to do with sex, so let your dick have a rest, and learn to live with the consequences of your decisions, good or bad."
"I'm not saying that I made a bad decision not to have sex with you. It just hurts to think you're going to be fucking around with Colt after telling me you found sex boring with me after the foursome. That's what it really comes down to."
"A guy has a right to change his mind, doesn't he? I can't explain it. Colt was free, he was hot, and I lusted after him. What else can I say? We've talked about lust before. This is lust plain and simple. It has nothing to do with you. I can't lust after you because lusting is going after something you can't have or at least think you can't have or wanting someone so badly you're willing to do almost anything to get it. I can't lust after you."
"Well, Matt, maybe if I don't let you have sex with me, I'll become something you can't have and you will lust after me."
Matt smiled. "Clever, aren't you? You could be right. We'll never know if you break your promise to yourself and Dr. Walker. Neither will I."
"But it's hard for me to think of you having sex with Colt and not me," I said. "Shit, it's like having my dick caught in my zipper."
We laughed. "I guess you could describe it that way." He put his hand on my back and we headed out to the practice field.
Andy wanted to make up by having sex, but by then I was too focused on Colt. Nothing was going to stop me from fucking around with him. I think he felt the same. But after what happened in the locker room, I began to have my doubts. We didn't get a chance to talk until after football practice that day. He was concerned, pissed, embarrassed, and rightfully so.
He stopped me before we headed into the locker room. All eyes were on us.
"Matt, what the hell's wrong with Andy? He's a walking advertisement."
"Look, Colt. Ignore Andy. No one knows anything about what we've talked about. Just act like he's full of shit, and make it look like you don't give a damn about what he said because as far as you're concerned it's not true. Simple. The guys are going to think whatever they want, but hell, they know you're gay, they think I'm gay, and what the hell difference does it make? None. So are we still on for tomorrow?"
"Yeah. But we have to make sure no one sees us," he said. "We need to go out to the pond at different times."
"I agree," I said. "I'll head over there first around twelve-thirty, and then you head over around twelve forty-five. Don't look around like you're guilty. Just ride your bike like you don't have a care in the world. If you begin to look around to see if anyone's looking, you'll really look suspicious, and someone might follow you."
"Okay. I won't."
"See you tomorrow at the pond. My dick is already getting hard."
"So is mine."
We headed into the locker room separately. I saw Andy, and he gave me a half-hearted smile. "You want to walk home together?"
Andy was in a good mood on our walk home. He seemed to have decided to accept the fact that I was going to mess around with Colt. What could he really say? He'd told me no sex, and then wavered a little before he realized that he needed to let go. I felt a bit like a shit for the way I acted, but sometimes circumstances dictate what we do. Maybe that was just an excuse, but they do. Maybe for some people sex is just something they do now and then, but for me it was important. It hadn't been before Andy and I spent a week fucking, but now it was, and no matter how I tried to keep everything in perspective, I couldn't. It's obvious from my writing that I was confused. I loved Andy, loved orgy sex, lusted after Colt, and had sex with Megan. It was like I was leaving a long line of knots trailing behind me. But you never know these things while they're happening. Well, not usually, and I was only thinking with my dick. Some people may find it hard to believe that the Matt they knew at the beginning of Knots is the same one they are reading about now, but I am. Experience changed me, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get myself back on track because sex was becoming more and more important to me. I really needed to see Dr. Walker. At the same time, I didn't want it to stop, so it was easier to avoid him than see him. I knew what he'd think, and I knew he'd point me in a different direction, so I avoided him.
Andy and I stood next to each other on the sidelines for the entire game. Greg Johnson played quarterback in my place. Colt played halfback in Andy's place. They didn't do too badly, but we lost anyway. Every once in a while, Coach Gilbert glared at us. Guess I couldn't blame him.
Andy didn't talk about Colt or me and what he figured we had planned. He did talk about the game and how Colt should have done this or that during the game. I did the same with Greg Johnson. We were standing on the sidelines because of our own stupidity, and I had to wonder if our lives wouldn't have been a lot simpler if we'd have kept our dicks to ourselves. But we'd made decisions and never calculated the consequences, and when you do that, you don't have much choice but to accept things for what they are. To be honest, most of the time Andy and I never thought about the consequences. They say that not thinking about the consequences is typical of teenagers, but while they say that, I knew a lot of others in our classes did seem to think about the consequences. The last one I thought I'd ever believe that about was Billy Martin, who had always been the clown of the class. Billy's sports were basketball and baseball, so he didn't go out for football. Instead, he was up in the stands holding hands with Gina. He seemed focused, and more like the guy I wanted to be or thought I'd be by this time. Student body elections were coming up, and it had always been a goal of mine to be student body president, and now I wondered if I had a chance against Billy. Megan and Zoe were sure to badmouth me. I wasn't sure if I could even get Emily's vote or my teammates' votes.
The whole time Andy and I were walking the sidelines talking, I was thinking of Colt. He looked hot in his tight football pants. I couldn't help but think that his ass was going to be mine the next day. At the same time, it didn't seem right thinking about this with Andy standing next to me. But images kept going through my mind of Colt and me both naked, with our warm bodies touching and my kissing him and then licking my way down to his cock. I had a hard on and held my helmet over my crotch. I wanted to pat Colt on the ass when he came off the field, but kept my hands to myself. Andy didn't look at me, but focused on Colt as he came off the field. Anyway, my mind was on the next day at the pond rather than on the football game where it should have been.
Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive. -- Jamais Cascio
Sometimes we let life guide us, and other times we take life by the horns. But one thing is for sure: no matter how organized we are, or how well we plan, we can always expect the unexpected. -- Brandon Jenner
The winter solstice has always been special to me as a barren darkness that gives birth to a verdant future beyond imagination, a time of pain and withdrawal that produces something joyfully inconceivable, like a monarch butterfly masterfully extracting itself from the confines of its cocoon, bursting forth into unexpected glory. -- Gary Zukav
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I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.