Sometimes I thought I'd never learn anything about not making the same mistakes over and over again. Making the same mistake over and over again while expecting a different result, is known as insanity. I was beginning to think I was going insane. I talked about going back to the old Matt, but I was still living the life of the new Matt. I know this makes it sound like I was two different people, the old Matt and the new Matt. But thinking about it now, both Matts were coexisting in my body, and sometimes I had no idea which Matt would show up. Maybe that is just part of being a teenager. I used to talk to the men and women I went to college with, and many tell me high school was the happiest time of their life. They'd want to know what high school was like for me, and I'd to tell them it wasn't the happiest time in my life. They always wanted to know why, and I always answered, "Because I tied a lot of knots."
"What do you mean?" they'd ask.
The sad part of it is, I couldn't tell them. I passed it off with something like, "Just think about it." or, "It's hard to explain." or, "I made a lot of mistakes." They wanted details, and there wasn't any way I was going to tell them. It was none of their business. Most of them told me they loved high school because they enjoyed playing and/or watching sports, having great friends, being in drama, writing for their school newspaper, being in clubs, going to dances, and things like that. Only a few said, I loved it because I had a lot of sex. Of course, there are always a few. I could easily say that too, if I was able to forget all the trauma it caused in my life. But if someone asked me if I'd do it all again, I'm not sure how I'd answer. Sometimes the only way to learn something is by making mistakes. Yet, I have to wonder what all that stress did to me both inside and out.
Anyway, back to high school. Colt, Andy, and I were set. I knew we should probably not be doing this, but obviously I was thinking with the wrong head. Andy still had to talk to Thomas, and I didn't envy him.
Colt had mixed feelings about going to Zoe's, but he thought that this might be his only chance in the near future to have sex with a girl. There wasn't any reason for him to think that because any number of girls would have been happy to go out with him. But it was Zoe who came after him, and he couldn't help but be flattered.
She greeted him at the door wearing a dress. It surprised him. "You look nice. Should I have dressed up too?"
"No, you look good in anything or with nothing on at all. I just wanted to look good for you."
"You've achieved your purpose."
Zoe walked toward the kitchen. Turning back she asked, "Do you want something to drink?"
"Yes, some hot chocolate," he said as he followed her into the kitchen. "It's starting to get cold. It might be too cold to swim."
"The pool's heated. Of course, we don't have to swim."
Colt sat at the dining room table and looked out the window at the pool. "No, let's swim. It's a good place to start."
She gave him a coy look. "Start what?"
He smiled. "You know. Foreplay."
"Hmm. So you want to do a little foreplay, huh?"
"Yes, and we need to talk before we do anything else."
"Talk? Are you having doubts?" Zoe asked as she put on the water to boil.
"Not exactly. This isn't easy, but I've got to say it. I talked to Matt, and you know what happened between him and Megan. I don't want that to happen to us. If we're going to have sex, then we need to set some rules." He didn't quite mean to say it that way. It sounded so unromantic, but no matter what, he had to get this out.
"Rules. You make it sound so unromantic."
"That's just what I was thinking, but I don't know how else to say it."
She got two cups and saucers out of the cabinet and placed them on the table. "Like what rules?"
"Maybe not rules exactly, but at least a discussion."
A silence fell between them.
"Well, uh. I'm not sure exactly how I should say this or ask this. Let me see."
"Come on. Spit it out."
He blurted, "If we have sex, does that mean we're going together?"
She smiled. "Going together? You mean like boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"Yeah, that's kinda what I meant." He turned the cup in his hands, so the sound of the cup against the saucer could be heard.
"Well, that depends," she said as she grabbed the hot chocolate mix from the cupboard.
He stopped spinning the cup. "Depends on what?"
"Depends on your expectations."
"Yours too," he said.
"Yes, mine too. Sex between two people is special. Some say it should always be with the right boy for the right reason. And I suppose there's some logic to that. But what is the right reason. I think you're the right boy. I like you. I like your looks. I like your body. What's not to like?"
Colt blushed. "Thanks. Does that go for guys too, being with the right girl for the right reason?"
"Of course," she said nonchalantly. "Open your chocolate packet, and put the powder into your cup He looked up, smiled at her, and then concentrated on pouring the chocolate mix into his cup. When he was done, Zoe added the hot water. "There, you're all set."
"I wish that were true."
She made herself a cup of hot chocolate and put the water back on the stove. She sat down and warmed her hands on the cup. "What we're planning is a little like what just happened."
"What do you mean?"
"You put your hot chocolate in your cup, and I put mine in my cup. You didn't do it for me. Some might think you should have, but I don't. I'm perfectly capable of doing things for myself. I can make my own decisions, and as far as I'm concerned, if we have sex, it doesn't require a commitment on either of our parts. I just want this day to be a happy memory for you and me. Do you think we can do that?"
Colt gave her a doubtful look. "I've never done this before, so I can't give you any promises."
"I understand. All I ask is that we take it slow and gentle. Do you agree?"
"I agree. Just because I've had sex with Thomas, and he's a guy, doesn't mean that we do everything wild and crazy. We were usually tender with each other. Thomas is like that." The words gave Colt a pang of guilt.
"Will he understand?"
They finished their hot chocolates, stripped, and jumped into the pool naked. They moved into each other and held their bodies together. She could feel his penis hardening and sliding between her legs. They stood in the war water kissing for a time feeling the smoothness of their bodies sliding together.
"Just a sec. Let me get the air mattress." He grabbed the double-bed-sized air mattress that was floating near them and climbed on. "Get on."
She did, and they lay there kissing and rubbing their hands over each other's bodies. The pool was protected by a fence of Oleanders, so they were able to lie there in each other's arms applying small kisses on the other's lips and body without the fear of being seen. Colt wanted to fuck right there, but Zoe said, "Let's go to my room."
Zoe started to shiver, so she grabbed her towel from the chaise lounge as Colt grabbed his own towel. They rushed into the shower room, took a warm shower, and headed Zoe's room. They dropped the towels and kissed until Zoe knelt down and took Colt's cock in her mouth. He let out a groan. "I'm no expert," she said. "But I'll do my best. Let me know how you like it."
He looked down at his dick in her mouth and saw her eyes looking up at him. "Just act like you're in love with my cock. Treat it with love and affection, and you'll do everything that needs to be done."
She said, "Is it really that simple?"
"Yes. I will do the same to you."
Colt couldn't believe how awesome she was after he told her that. She treated his cock like it was her favorite pet. He did the same to her clitoris when he went down on her. They were slow and precise in their lovemaking. Zoe lay on her back, and Colt felt the hot wetness of her love canal, which made his dick even harder. He grabbed a condom, slipped it on, and then placed his cock next to the opening of her vagina. He moved it up and down on her clitoris and then slid it in slowly. She moaned and said, "I think I love you, Colt."
"I don't mean that way. You're so gentle and loving. I love you for making this a time I will always remember with love and affection, as well as being the boy who was my first." "Okay. I can live with that. You scared me for a second," he said as he began to push in and out of her.
He kissed her nipples and sucked on them as he fucked her. He planted deep kisses on her mouth. "I think I love you too."
"Sex does that to you doesn't it?" she said between kisses. Then she added, "But I think love is what you have when you aren't having sex."
Colt nodded. Then suddenly he felt her vagina pulsate on his cock. "Oh shit. What's happening?"
Zoe was moaning now. "I'm having an orgasm. Don't move. I'm going to have others. Let's make this go as long as possible."
He stopped and waited for the pulsing to stop. "Shit, that's awesome. I almost came. I'll move slower." Colt was surprised at the warmth, smoothness, and softness of Zoe's vagina. He'd always thought that tightness was important, but he liked that he was able to move in and out smoothly because Zoe was well lubricated. "Let me know when you're going to have another one."
"I will," she panted out.
They continued kissing as he moved in and out of her until she gasped. Zoe loved the feel of Colt's cock moving in and out, filling her and then emptying her. She didn't want to see it end, but before she knew it, her vagina began to pulsate. "I'm going to climax again."
Colt grunted. "I think I'm going to come too. Sorry."
Colt felt her vagina pulsating, his dick stiffened as he prepared to come and began to throb inside her. They couldn't help but scream in ecstasy as they climaxed together. Colt had never felt anything like it before.
I wasn't looking forward to talking to Thomas. First of all, I couldn't figure out how to approach him and second, what would we do if he said no? In the past, I'd have just said the hell with it and done it anyway. I was still a little inclined to think that way, but then I'd have to convince Matt, who was always going back and forth between being the good ole Matt, and the flaky and sometimes mean and insensitive Matt.
I caught up with Thomas in the locker room just before football practice on Monday. "Can I talk to you? It's kind of personal."
"Let's go outside," I said as I moved toward the door with Thomas following. We walked around to the side of the gym where there weren't any doors.
"Andy, what is it?" he asked with a tinge of worry in his voice.
"Matt and I know you've let Colt go. We respect you for that. You must really care for him to do that."
"I do. You can't force someone to love you. They have to do it freely. You might consider that with Matt."
"Believe me, I am. That's kind of why I wanted to talk to you. Actually, why we wanted to talk to you."
"Quit beating around the bush. Spit it out."
"Okay, I'll give it my best shot." I paused, and Thomas looked like he was getting ready to leave. "Wait. Here's the thing. Matt, Colt, and I would like to get together. We wanted to know if you were interested in joining us or if you care?"
I'm sure he knew, but he asked, "What do you mean by get together?"
"Well, you know. Have sex."
"Ohhh. Now I see why you're so nervous. I thought it was a little unlike you."
"It is, yes. But since Colt is your old boyfriend, Matt and I thought we should ask you."
He frowned. "What about Colt? Why didn't he ask me?"
"Well, uh...uh...I think it's because he feels you've already told him it was okay by letting him go. Matt and I kind of think the same thing, but you're a friend and all, so we thought we should ask you. Plus, we wanted to see if you were interested in joining us. It would kinda be like old times."
"How does Colt feel about me being there?"
"He's cool with it." Thomas didn't say anything for a few seconds. I couldn't help myself. "Well, what do you think?"
"I'm thinking. Everything was so simple when Colt and I were together and you and Matt were doing your own thing, but now it's all complicated."
"Yeah, but it's always been complicated. I saw you and Matt fucking in the vacant house during Dillon's trial, before you started going with Colt. How do you think that made me feel?"
"You saw us? Why didn't you say something?"
"I love Matt. He needed you at the time, and you needed him. Trust me, I wanted to barge in and join you, but I didn't."
He smiled for a second. "We thought we heard a noise outside. That must have been you."
"It was. So what do you want to do?"
He fell silent again, but this time I waited just like Dr. Walker would have.
Eventually he said, "The smarter part of me says no, but the horny part of me says yes, so I'm not sure what to do."
"Go with your gut," I said.
"My gut says no. So are you sure you want me to go with my gut?"
"No. But look at it this way. None of us are in committed relationships. We're young and sexually active. What can it hurt?"
"That's kind of what we thought last time."
"Yeah, but after everything that's happened, what difference does it make? Jackass Barnes number 2 and his friends are still going still going to hate us."
"Who in the hell is Jackass Barnes number 2?"
"Jackass' younger brother. The one in my class."
"Oh, that's right. I almost forgot."
"Come on, Thomas. We gotta get dressed. Decide."
"I can't. Let me think about it. I'll talk to you after practice." He turned and headed into the locker room.
Thomas was surprised when Andy wanted to talk to him before football practice. Mostly because he and Andy usually didn't talk that much. He and Matt talked now and then, but now that Matt had been fooling around with Colt, they hadn't talked. Thomas resented Andy and Matt putting him on the spot, forcing him to make a tough decision, one he didn't want to make. The temptation to join them was strong. His better judgment told him no. He wavered between the two.
The coach yelled at him during practice, "Thomas, what the hell is the matter with you? Your mind sure isn't on football."
"Sorry, Coach. I'll do better."
He did for a short time, but he kept dropping the ball and running the wrong play. All of this because of Andy's proposition. He still loved Colt, and here was an opportunity for them to get together again and his chance to show that he wasn't a prude. After all, gay guys have sex. Well, as far as that goes, so did hetero guys, but you never heard about them having what the lawyers at Dillon's trial called orgies. He didn't think of them as orgies because he figured an orgy was having eight or more people all having sex in the same room at the same time. In the end, Thomas asked himself the same question Andy had: why should everyone else be having fun while he was sitting on the sidelines? If Colt could fly, why not him? At least that was his rationalization. Plus Colt wanted him there. Once he'd made his decision to join the others, practice went a lot better.
Zoe and Colt lay on her bed naked. She leaned on her elbow and looked down at him. You're beautiful you know?"
"Am I? I never thought of myself that way."
"You are." She rubbed her hand over his chest and abs and then traced her finger around his nipple and then his lips. "Thank you, Colt. You were gentle and loving."
Colt paused for a moment before saying, "I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say, but it's because of Thomas. Thomas taught me to be loving and gentle. Sometimes though, we'd have some hot, torrid, and wildly passionate sex. Maybe we can do that sometime? Anyway, Thomas was far more experienced that me."
"How do I compare to him?"
He rolled on his side and kissed her on the forehead and then on the lips. "I'm not sure what to say. I've heard gay guys talk about having their first sexual experience with a girl and say it was awful. This was not awful. It was wonderful."
Zoe rubbed her finger down his nose and then down his chest and abs to his cock, which was still flaccid. "How long does it take to recover?"
"Not long. Why, do you want to do this again?"
"Yes, but we can wait. Why do you think those guy had such bad experiences with girls?"
"Now that I've been with you, the only thing I can think of is that they were unable to get erections. That can happen. You know, I think they call it performance anxiety, and they decide it's because they don't like girls. There is a lot less pressure when you're having sex with a guy. But I'm sure a lot of guys have trouble getting erections when they first have sex with anyone, boy or girl. It's just that no one talks about it. Girls want to be loved, and guys just want to have sex, so there's a lot less pressure when guys have sex. At least that's what I think."
She smiled. "So you're blaming us?"
"No, not at all. It's just that after today and the other day, I can't figure out what could be so bad about having sex with a girl. This was wonderful. The only disadvantage is that you don't have a penis to suck. I love sucking a guy's penis."
She smiled again. "So do I."
"And you did a fine job of it. You really did a wonderful job of making love to it."
"Thanks. Your suggestion helped."
"I tried to do the same to your clitoris, but I hate to say, it's just not as wonderful as sucking a guy's penis."
"That's one of the reasons I could never be a lesbian," she said. "I love playing with, licking, and sucking on a guy's penis. Well, I should qualify that since you're the only guy whose penis I've been given the opportunity to make love to. I'm not sure I would find a great deal of pleasure in another girl's clitoris."
"We are in agreement then."
"Seems like it."
She looked down and saw him getting hard again. "Does that mean you're ready to do this again?"
"Damn right," he replied.
I saw Thomas talking to Andy at the far end of the basketball court after practice. They were both smiling and their heads bobbing. I figured that was a good sign, and just like that, my guilt began to subside. Andy told me on the way home that Thomas figured he may as well have fun like the rest of us.
"I couldn't believe it, Matt. He said yes and seemed all excited. So I guess we're on for a wild and crazy foursome. We should make a blood pact that says none of us will ever say anything to anyone about it. The news getting out wouldn't do any of us any good."
"Does that mean we are each going to draw blood from our hands and join them together?
"Funny, Matt. You know what I mean. We're going to have to get together to figure out a time and place."
"What if Colt decides he prefers girls?"
"That's not funny. Besides, it will never happen. Once you've gotten a cock in your mouth and ass, there's no turning back. Look at you."
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it's pretty damn good. - Woody Allen
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. - Confucius
Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do
with what happens to you. - Aldous Huxley
If you like this story, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org I answer all emails.
I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.