The Lament of the Tortured Soul


Authors Note: This story is completely fiction. It is not based in anyway on actual events. Any resemblance the characters have to any living person is completely accidental. Saying that though many of the characters share traits with one person (it was completely unintentional) who unfortunately left us at the end of January 2002. Shadow as he was known to the people he called friend, the people who loved him and the people he left behind miss him greatly.

This story is dedicated to him. Rest easy my love we’ll be together again soon.

Chapter 1

Nick walked back into school after the weekend a new person. Everyone was rushing around him talking about how they spend the last two days not really paying much attention to the boy who was just standing in the middle of the corridor contemplating just how different he was. As he stood there he thought about his weekend, a weekend that has lasted a few days short of 5 weeks.

Nick slowly made his way to his first class and found what he thought was his usual seat. His life before his weekend being a distant memory he wasn’t even completely sure that he was in the right class. As he was sitting down he gave a weak smile to the boy seated next to him. The boy Geoff was one of his best friends but Nick hadn’t heard from Geoff or any of his friends while he was away. Not that he blamed them; he would have done the same.

What would you say to someone whose mother died in a car accident, then less than a week later his father in a fit of depression mixed with alcoholic rage beat Nick half to death and then shot himself once he had realized what he had done. He didn’t blame them for staying away.

After spending a few days in hospital Nick spent another couple is a group home while the details of his parents wills were sorted out. Their wish was that if anything should happen to them that Nick stay with is Uncle Eric.

What took the time was that Nick’s Uncle Eric was not really his Uncle but a childhood friend of his fathers and gay. Nick had spent the next few weeks settling in with his Uncle and finding himself. Nick didn’t cry at his mother’s funeral and hadn’t been allowed to attend his fathers but that first night with Eric he cried like a baby while Eric held him. Eric realized pretty much right away that Nick blamed himself for his father’s death and comforted the boy helping him understand that it wasn’t his fault. Even though he told his Uncle he knew it wasn’t his fault Nick still deep down blamed himself and that feeling would never leave him.

It was a few days later while Eric was at work that Nick considered was the moment of his rebirth. Nick had been looking for a DVD to watch when he came across one that was separate from the others, not really hidden but not exactly visible with out a search either. When he put it in the machine and pressed play the first thing he saw was a statement claiming that all models were over 18, the next thing he saw was a boy who definitely didn’t look 18 lying on a bed reading a magazine. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and was only wearing a pair of very short denim shorts. As the boy read the magazine he began rubbing his nipples and slowly working his hand down this chest to his bellybutton. Nick realized that he was watching gay stuff and nearly switched it off when another person entered the room disturbing the boy on the screen’s masturbation session. The boy quickly shut the magazine and shoved it under the pillow, which made Nick giggle. The man who had entered the room was older around Eric’s age Nick guessed maybe even older. He walked over to the boy on the bed and reached over him removing the magazine from under the pillow. The guy took one took that the magazine, which was a gay porn mag and told the boy that he was a cocksucker. They looked at each other for a few seconds and laughed, then started to kiss and fondle one another. The guy who was on top of the boy stood up and removed his clothes then helped the boy out of his shorts taking the boys cock into his mouth while he was down there.

Nick knew he shouldn’t be watching these too guys having sex, more importantly he knew he shouldn’t be enjoying it but he was enjoying it, enjoying it a lot. Then it hit him why shouldn’t he be enjoying it he was gay after all. It was like a major piece of the puzzle of his life fell into place and Nick smiled. He smiled, closed his eyes and started to daydream about being the boy on the screen naked on his back with his feet up in the air as the man entered him. He daydreamed of being the man entering the boy and he daydreamed of being the boy being entered by the man instead of a 13-year-old boy sitting on the sofa of his Uncle Eric’s place watching gay porn and masturbating.

Eric arrived home to find a naked Nick watching the porn DVD for the third time with a really large grin on his face. When Nick noticed Eric standing in the doorway he picked up a towel, wiped the remains of his last orgasm off his chest as said, “I’m gay too.”

Nick felt that Eric didn’t really understand him until that point and that simple statement changed their relationship. Eric had been a little uncomfortable around Nick not really knowing how to act or what to say. It wasn’t the fact that Eric thought that Nick was straight but that he saw a boy in pain and didn’t know how to approach him to help him but now Eric had a starting point and he went straight to the phone and rung his boss telling him that he wouldn’t be in for a couple of weeks, he needed some time to get to know his nephew and help him settle in.

Nick felt that the first major piece of the puzzle that is his life had fallen into place and over the next few days several more pieces would do the same. The next day Eric took Nick to an art gallery, which at first Nick wasn’t too excited about but Eric helped him to not only see the paintings and sculptures but experience them. Eric helped him see that there is no such thing as beautiful or ugly but that everything was both beautiful and ugly it was just a matter of perception. Eric told him that Goethe had said, “Every form correctly seen is beautiful”. With that another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Nick saw form and beauty in everything and everyone. He asked Eric if they could go to the mall and pick up some art supplies. Eric agreed saying with a wink that it was the perfect place to study some other forms, of the male verity.

With Nick’s new perception on life the mall was quite an experience. By the time they got there school had finished for the day and there were males of all ages, shapes and sizes everywhere. He saw how they stood, how they sat, how they leaned and how they slouched. He saw the simple lines that make up the male body and the absolute beauty of the male form.

Nick was on the verge of sensory overload when Eric guided him into the art store. The brought several pads, pencils, paints, brushes and books on how to draw, composition and painting.

Next to the art store was a music store and like a moth to a flame Nick was drawn into it. Eric couldn’t help but smile as he watched his young nephew. It was like watching someone who had been blind see the world for the very first time and fall in love with it.

Nick walked down the rows of guitars in complete awe soaking in the sights and sounds of the store. He stopped at an acoustic guitar and gently ran his hands down the strings.

“You can try it out if you like.” Said a voice behind him, “My names Jason and welcome to Mac’s Music.” Nick immediately recognized Jason as a senior at his school and member of schools best band Mystic Blue. “Let’s get this puppy down for you and well see if it’s you. You know a person never chooses a guitar it’s the guitar that chooses the person.”

Jason removed the guitar from the rack, handed it to Nick and led him to a square area with stools set up for people to use to try out the instruments. Nick sat on one of the stools and plucked each of the strings one at a time listening to the sound they made then he did a single strum also listening to the sound they made together. Jason picked up another guitar and sat in a stool opposite Nick. He played a chord that Nick mimicked almost perfectly followed by another then a third.

“How long have you been playing?” Jason asked playing 4 chords in quick succession that Nick repeated with ease.

“This is my first time.” Nick said using the chords he had just learnt.

Jason stopped short looked straight up at Eric and said, “You have to buy him this guitar. I’ll give him lessons. For free, but you have to get him a guitar.”

Eric had to agree with Jason, Nick needed a guitar and was going to buy it for him anyway but the offer of lessons was just a bonus. They left the store with the guitar and had made arrangements to come there the next day for Nick’s first lesson. Eric was a little surprised that Nick didn’t show a little more interest in Jason after all Jason was a very cute teen with blond hair, deep blue eyes and a killer body. Eric decided to ask Nick about it.

“Jason sure is cute.” Eric said as they wandered back through the mall toward their car.

“He’s a lot more than cute.” Nick said making Eric smile as he was thinking the same thing, “Pity he’s straight.” Nick added.

“How do you know?” Eric asked thinking back over what happened in the store to see if he had missed a signal.

“He’s a senior at school and has been going out with Mandy Kline for like ages.”

Eric laughed “How long is ages now days?” He asked.

“About two and a half months.” Nick giggled.

When they got home it was quickly decided that the den would also become the art and music studio and by the time it was time to leave for Nicks lesson the next day he had already filled one of the pads with sketches of the mall from the previous day. As with playing the guitar drawing was something that Nick could just do, it seemed as natural to him as breathing.

If there are any errors in this story I apologize. Unfortunately the end of January 2002 also saw the departure of my editor.

Any comments welcome though if you have a flame please keep it to yourself as this story is of a personnel nature