The Lament of the Tortured Soul


Authors Note: This story is completely fiction. It is not based in anyway on actual events. Any resemblence the characters have to any living person is completely accidential. Saying that though many of the characters share traits with one person (it was completely unintentional) who unfortunately left us at the end of January 2002. Shadow as he was known to the people he called friend, the people who loved him and the people he left behind miss him greatly.

This story is dedicated to him. Rest easy my love we’ll be together again soon.

Chapter 11

Nick sat in the waiting room utterly alone. The room was fairly crowded, strangers each with their own problem each with their own pain but even if they had all been close friends Nick still would have been alone. He sat staring at the off white colored wall unable to do anything except breath and even that required conscious thought.

That is how Eric found Nick sitting in the waiting room staring at the wall. His shirt was covered in blood, whether it was Josh’s or Nick’s he didn’t know but he suspected it to be a little of both. Eric moved closer to Nick who turned to look at him. To Eric Nick’s face was pure pain, a feeling Eric knew only too well but it was his eyes that made Eric stop dead in his tracks. Apart from being red with dark circles from crying they were dead. There was no spark in them, nothing; there was no life at all. Those eyes that had once seen beauty in the mundane now saw nothing but shapes. He doubted that those eyes would ever see beauty again and it broke Eric’s heart.

He knelt down before Nick who just continued to stare at him with those dead eyes. Slowly he pulled Nick into an embrace and at first Nick came willingly but then he violently pushed Eric away sending him sprawling on the floor.

“Keep away. I make everyone go away for ever. I’m poison.” Nick backed away and then ran out of the waiting room leaving Eric on the floor slightly trembling. Eric trembled not because of what Nick had said but how he had said it. He didn’t yell it. He didn’t shout it with his voice full of anger and pain. He said it calmly completely void of emotion with those dead eyes only punctuating what was said. It was a pure statement of fact that left no room for disagreement.

Eric probably would have stayed there and not gone after him if it wasn’t for an old woman sitting near him who said “Go after him. He needs you more than ever now. He’ll be lost to us otherwise.”

Nick ran blindly not knowing where he was going only that he had to get away. As if by accident Nick found himself in the hospital’s small chapel. He sat down about half way along the middle isle and just stared blankly at the large cross. To him the carving of the body of Christ nailed to the cross looked exactly like Josh and the hole inside him grew wider and deeper.

“You appear lost my son.” Nick blinked and saw an old priest standing next to the alter. Nick hadn’t notice him when he entered the chapel but Nick probably wouldn’t have noticed if God himself had been standing by the alter.

“Is God real?” Nick realized it was a stupid question the moment it passed his lips. Asking the priest if God was real was a lot like asking a 3 year old if Santa Clause or the tooth fairy was real.

“Why do you have doubts my son?” The old priest asked answering Nick’s question.

Nick dropped his head and studied his hands. Looking deep into the pits and valleys Nick studied the imperfections of flesh as he considered the question. “If He is He must really hate me.” Nick finally said after some time.

“My dear boy what makes you think that?” The priest asked his voice full of concern.

“I kill everyone I love. If I could have only stopped coughing Mom wouldn’t have gone out for medicine and she would still be here. If I only hadn’t asked my Dad about food he would still be here and if only I hadn’t asked Josh to the party he would still be here and I could see him, hold him, be with him.” A single tear fell from his eye and Nick’s despair became complete. It encompassed his entire being and he felt it in every part of his body but mostly in his heart. He looked up straight into the priests eyes. “I have to be with him. I can’t be with him. Father I love him.”

“You would take your own life just to be with him?” The old priest asked studying Nick closely.

“There is no life without him.” Nick answered as if it was a basic law of nature.

“But what about all he has given you? There’s your Uncle Eric, your art and your music.”

“Eric? I’d probably end up killing him too and as for my art, my music I’d give it all up for one more day with Josh.”

Feeling the heat and passion coming from Nick the priest looked deep into Nick’s soul and he knew what he said was true. A single tear came from the priest’s eye and fell to the earth, “Do not ever give up your art or music.” He said kneeling down in front of Nick taking his hand, “It will save lives. God loves you Nick He will not forsake you.”

“He already has.” Nick said simply.

The door to the chapel open and a concerned looking Eric walked in as the old priest stood and moved back to the alter. Nick looked up and saw Eric. He stood and went crashing into him and Eric wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. As Nick went into Eric’s embrace he heard the old priest say “He has suffered too much. We’re losing him.”

Eric felt a wet patch on the front of his shirt as he held Nick tight. He held Nick tighter trying his best to comfort the boy he had come to think of as his son but he himself felt so helpless, so powerless that tears began to flow from him as well.

Big thanks to Oldie for proof reading this story.

Any comments welcome though if you have a flame please keep it to youself as this story is of a personel nature