The contents of this story is purely fictional although based on real life happenings in my life. All names have been fictionalize to protect the innocent and not so innocent. The content matter of this story concerns love and sex between males teenagers. If this is not what you like reading or it is illegal for you to read this material because of age or laws go somewhere else. This story is copyrighted by it's owner and may not be copied or published elsewhere without the owners permission.
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I hope you like this chapter. I welcome your comments.
Bastian include me in all of his activities and always introduced me as his brother. The fact that we didn’t look alike didn’t seem to matter. It was different but in a nice way different because it was always ‘we’. His friends even said they had never seen this side of Bastian. When I asked what that meant they said he was always so serious, rarely joked around and was quite. We were never quite.
Bastian’s friend Jerald had this friend whose name was Vance. He was an overweight guy who was a cop of sorts. I say of sorts because he was the one we went to when we need booze. One day Jerald, Keith, Bastian and I went over to Vance’s to get him to let us have a ‘party’ at his place the coming Friday. We found some dirty pictures of naked women in a desk drawer. I think Keith was the one who found them we were all going through them making comments like horny teenagers do and such. Vance got a little ticked and told us to put them back. Of course we ignored him and continued doing as we pleased he threw his hands up in despair and walked out of the room.
“Leo!” Bastian whispered, “Look what I found!” He wiggled his eyebrows.
He had found the negatives! I gave him a wry smile and he surreptitiously put them inside his jacket.
He came over close to me and said quietly. “It’s times like this I really appreciate being a privileged member of the Photo Club. You game?”
The next day we went to use the Photo Clubs darkroom. Bastian was one of the few people who had access to its use. Now the Photo Club and the darkroom were in the Children’s Museum. As I am sure you can understand if we had been caught it would have been a serious offense, but being teens we didn’t really think of the consequences – we didn’t even think that we’d be caught.
Everything was going great we must have printed at least twenty sets of pictures. I could see the dollars rolling in.
Then it happened! A knock at the darkroom door!
“I have film out!” yelled Bastian with a look of horror on his face.
He turned off the enlarger, pushed me out of the way, turned all the naughty pictures in the hypo face-down and rapidly pulled out a bunch of good pictures that were washing and lay them face up in the hypo. Turned on the white light for a second and then off, I couldn’t understand why at first until I saw the few pictures that were in the developer turn black and he took those out and dumped them in the trash. This was all accomplished in less than a minute. Then turned on the amber darkroom lights.
“Okay come in.”
“Hi, Bastian,” said Paul Bosworth.
“Hi, Mr. Bosworth, how are you doing today, sir?” said a fairly calm Bastian.
“Pretty good, I thought I stop in and see how you were doing and see if you had anything new to show me,” he said as he walked over to the hypo tray.
I left at that point. I guess I was chicken. I didn’t even look at Bastian; I just had to get out of there. I went to the restroom and hid out for ten minutes.
When I came back they were just coming out of the darkroom.
“Leo, your brother, is a fantastic photographer! Those pictures of you are exhibition quality! Well, guys see you later!”
He walked out.
Bastian glared at me.
He turned and went back into the darkroom.
“Bastian, Bastian, talked to me.” I followed him back into the darkroom.
“Leo, you left me to take all the blame. I’d never do that to you.”
“I was scared.”
“And I wasn’t? Anyway, he didn’t see anything…I hope…”
He busied himself with the tasks at hand. I said nothing. I mean what could I say; I was guilty.
School has started and I hardly ever see Bastian except on the way to school and back home. I’ve made some new friends, which I think pisses Bastian off because he doesn’t like them…all right so they are not the smartest people in the world but not everyone can be as smart as him. I’ve tried to include him in my little group but he’s being fucking arrogant! I’m tired of him telling me I’m so much better than them. God, Bastian wakeup I’m a C average student at best!
I made nearly a hundred dollars from the sale of the dirty pictures. I told Bastian I’d split the money with him and asked him if we could print up some more. He refused said he didn’t have the time.
I spend most of my time with my own friends. I have hardly seen Bastian since we argued about my friends – he thinks they are nothing but white trash. I told him his friends were nothing but arrogant assholes like him. They all think that just because they are honor roll students they are better than anyone else; I said it doesn’t mean a thing in the real world. He got pissed at me because I started smoking.
There’s nothing wrong with smoking, all my friends do.
Christmas was a bummer. I bought everyone a present except Bastian. I don’t know why except I wanted to hurt him. Damn him, he bought me a really expensive art pad and pen and ink set that I’d told Mom I wanted. It wouldn’t have been so bad except my darling sister asked, “Leo, didn’t you get Bastian anything?” in front of everyone.
I felt like a real heel and said, “No, I, uh, ran out of money? Sorry, Bastian.” He said it was all right and not to worry about it he had plenty of stuff. I knew it hurt; I could see him biting his lower lip. He always does that to keep from crying. He left the house as Mom was preparing breakfast.
“Dad, where did Bastian go?”
“Over to Mary and Dick’s. He has some presents to deliver. Why?”
“I was just curious. I thought he might be upset with me because I didn’t get him anything.”
“Well, if it did he didn’t say anything to me.”
By nightfall, it was obvious to me that I had really upset him because he never came home. He spent the next couple of days with Mary and Dick. His excuse was that he had to study for his pilot’s exam coming up in January, but I knew once again I had fucked things up. I knew things were going downhill fast in our relationship.
Maybe I just wanted to upset him so bad that he’d hate me and maybe then I all the feelings I had for him would just go away – I know it sounds so crazy cause I loved him so much, but I know that he’s not like me, that sooner or later he’ll find a girl and fall in love with her.
School holidays were over and we’re back to the old routine except now we hardly spoke to each other than being polite and somewhat social in front of our parents. It was obvious to both of them that our relationship was at best strained.
I knew his birthday was only a few weeks away. I had drawn a picture of Bastian and I; I didn’t intend for it to come out the way it did. I guess it was just a fantasy because it was a picture of him and me walking together holding hands. So I started another one, that one was me looking up at him with my head on his chest. And then next one was of us kissing…I gave up.
I had tried again to get him to print up more naughty pictures so I could make some money. He again refused. I was at such a loss because I really wanted to get some money to buy him a present. I told him I would give up all my friends if he’d just print up five sets.
Bastian just looked at me. “Why, Leo? I know you’re going to sell them to make some cash. I wish I’d never done the first ones. What is it you’re going to do with the money?”
“I can’t tell you,” I replied, “I- there’s someone I wanted to buy something for someone, someone special.”
“I can’t tell you. It's just someone very, very special to me,” muttered. I know he thought I had yet another girlfriend because over the last few months I had changed girlfriend’s like almost on a weekly basis. Everyone thought I was fickled, but the truth was I didn’t like any of them. It was all a façade so that people would think I was normal.
The next day I got a ride home from one of my ‘friends’ one that Bastian particularly didn’t like. I entered the house just as he drove up. I spotted a letter to him from England on the coffee table and picked it up as he came into the house.
“Well, well a letter from England. Hmmm…” I teased.
“That’s mine give it to me!” he said making a grab for it.
“Let me read it first,” I continued.
“Leo stop being a smart ass and give me my letter!”
“No! I’m going to read it first, I said as I started to open the letter.
The next thing I knew is he hit me in the gut and I doubled over dropping the envelope. As he picked it up I hit back twice; he knocked me to the floor and starting punching me in the face. Mom was screaming and hit him with a broom. He got up and headed toward the door. I grabbed the broomstick out of rage and hit him hard in the face with it.
Suddenly I realized what I had done as he ran out of the house. I couldn’t believe I had hit him like that.
“Bastian! I’m sorry! Please don’t leave! Please I’m sorry!” I screamed. As he drove away I collapsed on the ground and cried. The pain of hurting him was so intense. I hated myself! I hated my life. For the first time in my life I wanted to die. Mom collected me from the front yard and got me back into the house. I have no idea what I was saying. I was just crying hysterically.
Sam arrived home and Mom called to him for help. Somehow Sam got me calmed down. As Mom doctored my face Sam just held me in his arms. I knew he was concerned about Bastian, but he didn’t let go of me. I knew he loved me and made me feel so safe.
I felt that I had totally lost Bastian.
“Leo, tell me what happened,” he asked quietly.
Through my tears I told him. I told him how since school started things between us had disintegrated. How bad I felt for having forgot his Christmas present and I knew that it hurt Bastian.
“Right before school started did you and Bastian have an upset?”
I immediately thought of the darkroom incident.
“Yes? What did you think of?” he asked.
“Nothing…” said hoping he’d just ask me something different.
“Leo. The truth.”
I ended up telling him about the pictures and how I ran out on Bastian and left Bastian holding the bag.
“So, how do you feel right now about Bastian?” he asked and I immediately burst into to tears. He calmed me down again and then asked me, “Have you done something to or with Bastian that you’d be embarrassed to talk to me about?”
My heart stopped, I couldn’t look at him and tears flooded from my eyes. I knew the answer and I knew when I told him he’d hate me and kick me out.
“I-I can’t tell you,” I cried.
“Okay, so what did you do?” he asked.
For the next five minutes or so I avoided answering the question and for the next five minutes he just kept repeating, “Okay, so what did you do?”
I knew he was not going to give in until I told him the truth. I tried to break free of his hold on me and that didn’t work.
Finally, I said a little about a whisper, “We had sex sort of”
“What do you mean sort of, give me the details,” he said in a calm voice.
So painfully I gave him the details over the next hour. I rarely looked at him during my whole confession but when I did he never flinched or showed any adverse reaction to anything I said. I didn’t know whether he was just hiding it well or he was just going to kill me in the end.
In the end he looked at me and said with a friendly but firm face, “So, Leo what are you going to do about all this?”
I looked up at him and meekly said, “I guess you want me to leave.”
“Did I ask you to leave?”
“How do you feel about Bastian? Do you love him?”
I could believe what I was hearing and I think I blushed. I just couldn’t speak.
“Leo nearly four years ago Bastian changed from being a very popular out going kid to almost a total recluse. I was beside myself with worry. When he met you and especially when you first came to stay with us I saw such a change in him. For the first time in years he was happy almost back to the old Sebastian I once knew. Then things changed a bit and you and he started have arguments – I thought and hoped it would pass but it didn’t.”
“What I realized tonight is that you have never told Bastian how you feel, how you really feel in your heart about him, right?”
“But if I did tell him how I really feel he’d know that…that I’m…I’m queer and he’d hate me,” I barely said above a whisper.
“Are you queer?”
I sighed. This man, the father of the boy I loved had just turned me inside out. He wasn’t ranting or raving or expressing anything except love and care for me. He knew what I was what I had been hiding for others and he was forcing me to look at myself at who and what I was being, the good the bad and also the ugly parts of me. I never felt so naked yet so free mentally.
“Well, so what are you going to do about Bastian? Isn’t it fair that he should know how you feel? Bastian has never talked about his feelings to me, but I know he has them. I know that when you two aren’t at odds with each other he is happy. Even if he doesn’t feel the same about you as you feel about him I don’t think he would ever really hate you.”
It took Sam another hour to convince me to confront Bastian, but I found myself walking into Mary and Dick’s house and standing in the doorway looking at Bastian.
He was sleeping and he looked like shit and I didn’t look much better. I went over and sat on the bed and waited for him to wake up. I would have waited all night but I guess me sitting on the bed woke him. We just looked at each other for a long tome neither of us saying anything.
My ear was near his lips as he whispered back to me. “Leo, you just smacked my face with a broomstick, bloodied my nose, and blacked my eye…” his tears started flowing too, “and I don’t hate you. Sometimes, I wish I could, but hating you is just not part of my soul…”
All I could think of was that I loved him and then almost in unison we both said, “I love you.”
“Yeah, but I mean I really love you – I want to live with you the rest of my life,” I sighed, “ Bastian I’m a queer.”
For several moments he didn’t say a thing. He just looked at me. I was about to get up to leave when he said, “Me too.”
I pulled away a bit and looked at him and said, “You’re queer?”
“Yes, and I’m in love with you. I have been since the day you gave me the drawing in Denver. You really love me?”
I leaned forward and lightly kissed his lips. “More than life itself.”
I lay my head down on his chest
and we both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
| Many thanks to those
who have written. BTW I tend to judge a story by how many e-mails I receive
from readers - the fewer emails the less interest in continuing and the
more emails the more interested I am in continuing the story. - Sebastian