Date: Thu, 6 Dec 2007 19:41:29 -0500
From: vector18@msn.com
Subject: Letters to a Boy--Chapter 1

Disclaimer

Although I'm still writing Deep Love, I'm working on something else as
well.  If it's illegal for you to read this in your area, or if you're
not above the age of 18, then leave.


Prologue

Scotty Mathews lay on his bed almost unable to move.  His father had just
found his journal in which he admitted to himself that he's gay.
When Scotty came home from the doctor's office with his father's
girlfriend, he was beaten and his father told him that he was a
good-for-nothing faggot who would never amount to anything.


Chapter 1

I dressed as the phrase of my favorite song repeated then the song
ended.  I was listening to a CD called El Fuego De La Noche--The Fire of
The Night.  It's preformed by a Mexican Rock group called La Barranca.
I have a profound love for Spanish Rock and Roll.  I also like Classic
Rock, but the Rock from the Spanish-speaking countries is my favorite.
"Donny," I heard my mom say from the kitchen.  "Are you almost ready
for breakfast?"
"Yeah," I said as I put on my shoes.
I then grabbed my laptop case, my MP3 Player and my notebook then left my
bedroom.  I came out to the kitchen and joined my mom for breakfast.
"Was the music too loud?" I asked.
"No," she said.  "I want to say again, that you don't have to be on
guard here like you were at your father's house.  He had no right to
treat you the way he did."
"I know.  I just sometimes wonder if maybe I had given my virginity to a
girl, that maybe...."
I didn't finish my sentence.
"Donny," my mom said coming over to take me in her arms.  "It's not
your fault that your father is an angry bigoted man.  I don't know why
he is the way he is.  He had no right to treat you the way he has.  You
felt you could trust him to come out to him and he failed you, but
that's not something you need to blame yourself for."
"I love you mom," I said crying a little.  I hugged my mom hard then we
separated and we had breakfast.
I'm fifteen and it's my first day at Sangger High school.  I'd be
going in to the ninth grade and I wished that that was the least of my
worries.
When I was fourteen, I came out to my dad and he didn't take it well.
When I told him that I was gay, he outed me to his wife, trashed me to
their church friends and told anyone who would listen at my middle school
not to hang around me.  He even would make me sit in the living room with
him for several hours in the evening and make all sorts of threats to me
about what would happen if I didn't change my ways and become straight.
I eventually got up the nerve to tell my mom what was going on back in
July of this year and when I told her everything, she was enraged.  She
quickly got permanent custody of me and my father disowned me in August.
I felt safe at my mom's house, but I still had significant fear
sometimes just all of a sudden.  They were feelings of dark fear that
felt like they were pressing down on my chest making it difficult for me
to breathe.  My mom would just hold me and talk to me in a calm and
soothing voice, and that helped a lot.
I was growing comfortable with the fact that I'm gay.  I was also
growing to like what I saw in the mirror every day.  I have dark-brown
hair, blue eyes and I'm about 120 LBS.  I also have a pail complexion
that I see a lot of guys and girls checking out from time to time.  I
also have a cock that's about six inches soft and eight inches hard and
two large balls that complete the picture of my more personal anatomy.
Once breakfast was finished, I got in the car and my mom drove me to
school as she said she would when we planned it all out.  When we got up
to the school, I hugged and kissed my mom and got out of the car.  I
watched her as she drove off and I turned to face the school.  I saw lots
of guys and girls standing around and I started to get flushed and I
began to feel my hart pound fast and quick in my chest.  I then began to
feel my face get hot and very warm.  I then felt someone's hand on my
shoulder.  I then began to feel like I was back in my dad's house and
that it was the evening time again.  I was beginning to have flashes of
what would happen in those evening hours.  I then assumed a defensive
stance to fight whoever it was who had their hand on my shoulder.
"Who the fuck...!" I yelled then stopped.  A boy whom I had never seen
before was standing in front of me looking afraid.  He tried to smile,
but I knew I scared him with my outburst.
"I'm sorry," I said.  "I didn't mean to scare you.  I'm sorry I
yelled."
"I'm the one who should be saying sorry.  I don't normally go putting
my hands on people's shoulders, but you looked like you'd pass out at
any moment.  Oh, by the way, my name is Ryan Philips.  I think we have a
few classes together."
"Cool," I said.  "I was wondering if you wanted to walk with me to
where ever we need to go right now."
"I'd love to," Ryan said then moved beside me.  We began walking in to
the school and to the guidance office to get our schedules and any other
information that we needed.  Once that was completed, we went off to Home
Room.
As class progressed for the first period, Mr. Smith explained the rules
to us.  It was History and that first bundle of weeks, we'd be learning
about the times of the 1920's and about how the mafia controlled a lot
of the big cities in the United States.
"What's that a threat!" Ryan jumped out of his seat and said in a
fairly good Toney Saprano imitation.
The other students laughed all except one.  He sat at a desk across the
room from the one I shared with Ryan.  He glared at both Ryan and I and
then the laughter died down.
"Shut up you damn queer boy," the boy from across the room said in a
surprisingly calm voice.
"Mr. Mathews, that's enough," Mr. Smith said in a matching calm
voice.  And Ryan, I get a lot of groans from students who don't like
that sort of thing, but that was more of an interesting reaction than
what I usually get."
"Thank you," I rely a lot on my humor these days."
"Yeah, and your queer abilities," the boy from across the room said.
"Okay Scotty," Mr. Smith said getting up from his chair.  "I've about
had enough of that crap.  If you continue to harass Ryan and Donny like
this, I will be making a phone call home to your father."
That had its desired effect and the boy from across the room who I now
knew as Scotty quickly shut his mouth.  I knew I'd have to watch that
kid.
He was little, the type of little that you usually see in patients who
have problems with their thyroids.  He had dark-brown hair, surprisingly
soft brown eyes and an angry look to his face.
We finished up with the description of the subject matter for the class,
then we were allowed to talk for the last ten minutes.
"So you like the Sapranos?" I said to Ryan.
"Yeah.  It's one of my favorites, but if my dad found out, he'd shi, I
mean he'd probably have a stroke."
"Is it hard living with him?" I asked.
"No.  That bast, uh, that man has been out of my life for a few months,
and I don't care to see him again.  And on that, I'll talk about some
other time."
"It's alright," I said putting a friendly hand on Ryan's arm.  "I
have issues with my own father.  I moved in with my mom a couple of
months ago and I'm getting over what happened.  Well, slowly getting
over it I should say."
"Well, I'm here if you ever need me.  I want to be a good friend to
you."
Ryan said this and rubbed my arm under the table gently.  I was almost
ready to cry because of how loving his gesture seemed.  I blinked back
the tears and we spent the last few minutes talking about scenes from our
favorite Saprano episodes.  Soon though, the bell for second period rang
and we packed up.  We went off to our next class and we got through the
rest of the morning classes pretty well.  I was worried though as I came
to realize that Scotty was now in every one of mine and Ryan's classes.
I just figured that I'd have to look out for him if he ever tried to
cause any trouble.
Lunch came around and Ryan and I walked to our lockers.  I had a locker
right beside his and I thought that that was nice.  Just as I was ready
to close the door, I saw something white fall from the top shelf of my
locker.  I stopped and picked it up.  It looked like it was a note.  I
unfolded it and saw that it was a hand-written note.
"Someone either likes me, or wants me swimming with the fishes," I
said.
"What is it?" Ryan asked.
"I'll read it then let you read okay?"
"Okay."
The note went as follows:
Donny
I don't want you to freak out or anything.  I'm not writing this and
making you find it because I want to scare you, that's not what it is at
all.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I do.
When I saw you walk in to the building this morning, I saw just how
beautiful you are.
I'm probably putting my life in danger by telling you this, but I'm gay
and I know that you're perfect for me.
As I watched you, I can tell that you're gay as well.
Well, that's all for now.
Yours truly:
Cute Angel Boy
I reread the last line that the letter talked about the person knowing
that I'm gay like them.  I then began to get scared and I could feel my
face get hot.  I then felt like my chest had tight metal bands holding it
down because I then couldn't breathe and I nearly passed out, but Ryan
reached out and caught me.
"Donny!" he yelled.  "What's wrong!"
"N'''N'''nothing," I said trying to take slow breaths.  "I'll
b'''b'''be fine.  Just give me a moment."
He stood there as I got my composure back, then I held out the letter for
him to read.
"You're not going to like it," I said.  "If you want to stop being
friends with me once you read the last couple of lines of the note, I'll
understand."
Ryan read the note, then reread it.  He reread it a third time, then I
saw him hand the note back to me.  He looked away from me for a moment,
then he looked deep in to my eyes.
"We can go off school grounds and eat," Ryan said.  "Let's do that."
"But'''," I tried to say no, but Ryan stopped me.
"It's alright," Ryan said.  "There's nothing to be afraid of."
I then calmed down a little then we left the school.  We decided to eat
at a small caf called the Spring Morning Cafe.  Once we stopped outside
the doors of the restaurant, Ryan led me around the corner to a more
private area.  He then took me in his arms and I started crying.
"Donny you're my best friend," Ryan said softly to me.  "I'll never
leave you.  Even if you are gay like that note says, that doesn't change
anything about my feelings of friendship I feel for you, because as I
said, you're my best friend, and also, I'm gay as well."
"You are?" I asked as my tears began to slow, then stop.
"Yeah," Ryan said.  "I've known since I was twelve.  What about
you?"
"I've known since I was thirteen, and I ended up coming out to my dad
and his wife when I was 14."
I then told Ryan about what happened over the last year and how I came to
live with my bio mom.  He hugged me again harder this time, then he let
go.  We talked a couple more minutes then went in to the restaurant to
eat.
"I wonder what was up with that Scotty kid this morning." I asked Ryan.
"I don't know much about it either.  I hope he is able to get out of
acting the way he is soon.  He really is a hot guy."
"Yeah, but I wouldn't blow him, not with the way he was acting this
morning."
"Neither would I," Ryan said then finished the rest of his coke.
We paid for our lunch, well, Ryan insisted on paying for mine because he
felt it was the kind thing to do so I just let him.  I figured I'd do
the same the next time.
The only class we didn't have together was Gym Class and that was after
lunch.  I was nervous about this fact, because I wasn't sure how the
other kids would treat me.  When Ryan was with me, I was finding that I
was getting more confidence and happier about myself on the inside as
well as on the outside.
I went to the coaches' office and he introduced himself as Mr. Roberts.
He was a thin, but muscular guy who looked to be in his early thirties
with light-brown hair and gentle blue eyes.  He gave me a lock for my
locker in the locker room then he gave me a set of gym shorts and a shirt
to go with them.
As I dressed, I was getting to know the other guys and they were really
friendly.  I was getting more comfortable, then he walked in.  I looked
towards the doorway to see Scotty walk in staring defiantly at all of us.
"You fuckers have anything to say, you can say it, but you'll be going
to the hospital after you do," Scotty said then gave us the finger.
"You're not the one who says on your mark, get set, fuck around here,"
I said staring angrily back at him.
"Fuck you Thompson," Scotty said coming up to me.  He went to move back
his fist to punch me, and as it went to hit home, I caught it in my hand
and squeezed.  I then maneuvered Scotty so that he was standing with his
back to the row of lockers.  I slammed him up against them and held him
pressed up hard against them.
"You listen to me you bastard!" I yelled.  "I don't know what the
hell your problem is, but I won't put up with it whatever it is.  If you
don't start showing my friends and I some respect, I'll make you wish
you would have started respecting us hours ago, you understand me!"
He now looked like he was going to cry, and I quickly thought about just
letting him give me a good punch to the jaw.  I let go of him and he
stood there looking down at the ground.
"Scotty," I began.  I felt so bad, because seeing him like he was,
looking down at his shoes with his hands behind his back, I began to
remember my own beaten-down pose.  I saw myself in my mind's eye as my
dad would stand over me yelling for minutes, sometimes, hours on end.  I
remembered it well, and I felt ashamed in that moment; I was turning in
to my father!
I watched as Scotty stood to his full size which wasn't much at all and
he looked at me with a hate-filled and extremely hurt look on his face.
"Look Donny!" he yelled and he began crying as he yelled at me.  "You
think you're so fucking better than me or anyone else!  You think you
can just go around thinking that you have the fucking free pass to do
whatever the hell you want, well, let me tell you something!  You don't
have the life I have, you don't have to come home at night and wonder if
your father and his friends are going to verbally and emotionally abuse
you!  So just leave me the fuck alone!  You got to rough me up for free
this time you bastard, but not the next time!  Oh, and I almost forgot
about my personal favorite, and this should make you think!  You also
don't have to come home and be made to serve as your father's punching
bag for hours on end!  So put that in your mouth and suck it; you
prick!"
Scotty cried harder and ran from the room.  I then felt completely like
shit and I didn't even look at the guys as I ran from the room.  I
remembered Ryan telling me that he'd be in the Library because that was
his Study Hall period.  I ran to the Library and tried to find him, but I
couldn't see because I was still crying.  I didn't have to look,
because Ryan was right there quickly taking hold of me and leading me to
a table far from the entrance of the Library.
He sat me down beside his chair and then he sat down.  He took my hand in
his and looked at me.
"Tell me what happened Donny," Ryan said.
"I feel so ashamed," I said through my tears.
"Why is that?"
I told Ryan everything and he sat and just listened intently.
"That still doesn't make it your fault Donny," Ryan said.  "It really
doesn't even make it Scotty's fault either.  If he is being abused as
he says, he needs serious help to help him get out of it."
"I want to help him.  I really believe that he's not the person he's
portraying himself to be," I said beginning to stop crying.
"Well, we can do what we can, but if he doesn't want our help, then
we'll just have to back off until he decides he wants our help."
"I understand," I said.
I then went back to Gym Class after Ryan made sure I was alright and I
got back to see the coach standing over Scotty with his face as read as
someone ready to have a Heart Attack.
"Leave him alone," I calmly told the coach.  "I think it's pretty
clear what's going on here."
"He's been making trouble all day, and now you want me to leave him
alone?" the coach said disbelievingly.
"That's what I'm saying," I said in the same calm voice.
"You do realize that you're not the one who says go or stop around here
right?" the coach said stepping closer to me.
"Go ahead and cuss and do whatever to me," I said standing my ground.
"I've taken shit off of a man who called himself my father for the past
couple of years and it's not anything worse than what you can dish out.
I'm not going to stand here and fight with you over Scotty.  He's not a
possession for people to abuse and fight over."
"I guess we can take this in my office."
We sat in a small office with a window that over-looked the staff parking
lot.  The coach spoke first.
"I apologize for getting rude with you out there.  I just wasn't
thinking about the whole picture at first.  Personal problems are keeping
me from, well, being at the top of my game here lately.  My son is well,
well'''."
"Gay," I finished for him.
"Uh, yeah," he said shocked that I'd know what he was thinking before
he said it.
"Usually it turns out that gay is the word that comes up any more with
politicians making gay marriage rights a Hot Button issue these days," I
explained.
"Well, maybe through you and some of the other guys in this class, I can
learn to be more tolerant, but we're getting off the topic.  Scotty,
I'm not going to be mad, but I am going to need to have some sort of
explanation for your behavior.  It's getting the other students and
staff on edge and we don't need, nor do we want this."
"I can't tell you," Scotty said.  "My life will be in danger if I
do.  My father will make sure of that."
"You've already blurted out a lot of what had happened earlier," I
said.  "You really don't have much more to lose."
"Well, about what I said earlier," Scotty went on.  "My father uses me
for, he uh, he uses me for something to beat the shit out of when he's
mad.  He says that he uses me as his, uh, punching bag because he's
angry with me for being gay.  He even allows his friends to abuse me, but
mainly verbally and emotionally.  This has been going on for at least
three months.  I don't know how much longer I can live this way."
Scotty was sobbing now and I held him close.  He shook with his sobs and
I then heard the coach leaving the room.  Scotty then got his crying
under control and he looked at me.
"I'm going to help you," I said.  "I think that Coach will help you
as well.  You've come to terms with what the problem is; now you have to
take the rest of the steps to change your life completely.  Are you
prepared to do that?"
"Yes," Scotty said with conviction.
Ryan and I sat on my bed after school talking and trying to process
everything that had happened.
When coach returned to the office, he explained that the police as well
as Social Services were coming to take care of things.  As of 2:00 PM
that afternoon, Scotty Mathews father and mother and six other guys were
arrested for child endangerment, physical abuse against a miner, and
other abuse charges.  Scotty was then placed with Jane Anderson who
actually turned out to be a close friend of my mom and I.  She was a
foster parent and when she met Scotty, she agreed at once to take him
in.  When he met her, he also quickly agreed.
"What a day," Ryan said to me as he took hold of my hand with his.
"I agree," I said.  "I just hope that now Scotty can get the help he
needs."
"As do I," Ryan said.
Ryan sat there for a moment feeling uneasy about the whole thing.  He
tried to remind himself that Scotty would be fine, but he came to the
realization that the uneasy feelings weren't about Scotty; they were
about him.
Ryan then began to have flashes about what happened to him before he came
to live with his own mom.  He remembered how when his father found out
that he was gay and how he beat him so bad that he had to have his
appendix removed because of damage sustained to his abdomen from his
father's punches and kicks.
As I sat with Ryan, I saw him look away for a few minutes.
"Hey, earth to Ryan," I said putting a hand on his shoulder.  "You
okay?"
"Um Donny, maybe I should have that talk with you about my own father
now," Ryan said turning to me.
Ryan told Donny everything about his father and he then began to tell him
the worse part about it all.
"What's the worse that your father could have done that's even worse
than what you've described to me already?" I asked as I held Ryan in my
arms.
"It was when I was recovering from my surgery," Ryan said.  "He
wouldn't give me any of the post-opp meds for pain and I got an
infection in the wound.  It hurt really badly and my dad took me to the
doctor two days after I saw the infected wound.  He told the doctor that
if I hadn't chosen to be gay, then I wouldn't have had to have been
beaten and then that wouldn't have led to me being in the condition I
was in now.  The doctor agreed, but still had to treat me.  I'm
completely recovered, but when I went to visit my mom in the beginning of
this past June of this year, I had really bad nightmares and she asked me
to tell her what happened and when I did, she got full custody of me.  My
dad's in jail now and I feel relieved about that."
"Bastard!" I said in a heightened tone.
 "When did you come to live with your mom?" I asked him softly.
"It was back in June of this year.  The surgery was back in July of
2006."
And you carried all of this around for months, almost a year!" I said in
discussed.  "You never should have had to have gone through that."
The sunset was beautiful that evening, but I had no use for it.  I
couldn't even imagine the horrors of what Ryan had gone through, both in
his house and on the operating table.  I watched Ryan as he slept
peacefully in my bed, the covers up to his neck.  I took off my shoes and
socks and joined him.  He would never go through pain, suffering, or
terror, not ever again, not if I could help it.


Author's Note

I hope you guys like the beginning of this new story.
I'm not quite sure how I thought of it; it just came to me one day.
Take care and I'll see you all in Chapter 2.

Information for music and TV shows in this story.
Group:  La Barranca
Album:  El Fuego De La Noche--1997
TV Show:  The Sopranos
Season 1