I live in a very...conservative family, to say the least. My parents (I have live with my mother and my father) are devout Christians. It has always been hard for me to say what was on my mind, the things that I held dear to myself. Throughout my life I have always been a person who has kept my thoughts to myself. I never had anyone to tell my stories to, to tell my life, my experiences too. I really did feel alone.
And this was before I knew I was gay.

Now, when that happened, the moment itself was bittersweet. I knew that I would finally have an identity of my own, which was a plus, but at the same time, I knew I would be persecuted for having it as well. I can see my parents now, sending the call to the shrink for de-programming....

I live in a city of mixed political stances... I don't want to say exactly where, it's no New York, but it's hardly the middle of nowhere. There are all types of people here... the type of people who will love you and accept you as you are, and the type who will picket around your house and won't give it a second thought.

I know by now that you can tell that I'm a very cynical person. Well, I have my reasons. Coming from this place, and being who you are, it makes you see the world in a different light. I go to a public school. I don't want to reveal the name of it right now. For the moment, we'll just call it "Fascist High". No, that would be giving it too much credit. Well say "Dickens High". It's your normal, typical, American high school. That means there will be a school shooting in...10 minutes. Whoops, did I say that aloud?

Anyhow, we were having a little discussion on these reoccurring incidents. It was a history class, but we thought that we'd have a little pre-class chat on the subject. The teacher, who we shall call "Mr. Writer" (Hey, I'm a Stereophonics fan) began by saying that he wanted our thoughts on what happened that day.

One of the students in my class, a guy named Jacob, was a bit of a clown. Ok he was a complete asshole, and the only reason that Writer called on him was because of the fact that he was acting like his usual asshole self.

" Um...uh, I think that that kid was a total faggot, and that he just got mad because he was a queer."

The entire class erupted into laughter. Writer, however, was not as easily humored.

" Out of my class," he demanded, in his war general-like voice. John muttered something to himself, grabbed his books, and slammed the door.

I knew that Jacob was a complete homophobe. But I never had the courage to stand up to him then. Mainly because I didn't know exactly what is was that I was standing up for...

" John!" I heard from the voice in the front of the class. " Why don't you provide us with your daily cynical wisdom, since no one else wants to provide us with an intellectual stance..."

I wasn't ready for it. Not that I wouldn't prepare myself. The truth was, I was a complete idiot. But I said whatever was on my mind. And that, in turn, made me seem a genius.

Is it true that the smartest people are the ones that won't say anything?

I took a small breath. " Well," I started. " I think that the reason with these events keep occurring is not because of the fact that there is something wrong with these kids. It is the fact that your daily, everyday high school isn't the proper environment that can support them. It's like toxin to teens who fit into the category of being slightly depressed, neurotic, anti-social, etc."

I was surprised that I wasn't corrected by anyone. Maybe, into speaking so directly on the subject, I had inadvertently scared everyone out of his or her wits. Oh great, I thought; now they think I'm one of the loonies.

"Very good, John. Would anyone else like to comment on that?" Writer said, looking around the classroom.

When I saw that no one was going to volunteer, I put my head down on the table. I hadn't gotten that much sleep....
"Excuse me."

I slightly turned my head around to see who it was that was going to challenge me. Not that I really cared, I just wanted to know who it was going to be, and how easily I could shoot their theory down.

" I feel that it shouldn't be the school's fault if one of their students wasn't able to come clean about how they felt and why they were going to do those things. The student should take full and complete responsibility for his actions, like any other person."

It was Ross, that arrogant bastard. He wasn't really arrogant or anything, it was just a nickname that I'd given him over the years. We'd never really talked outside of school, he always hung out with his little inner circle after school, and I...well, I wasn't part of it. I guess you could say that we were rivals, just not bitter ones.

" Well then, we have two very strong ideas from two strong-minded individuals. Ok class, anyone else?"

I looked back at Ross from my seat, and gave him a slight nod. He replied in the same manner. After which, I then put my head on my desk, and tried to make up for some lost hours of sleep.

I think it should be explained what type of a geek I was back then, so that you can get a greater idea of what it was like to be me living in this world. I had to wear glasses with frames that were slightly thicker than what a normal person should have to wear. Most of the time I wore a plain white shirt and gray pants with my plain black jacket added with my plain black shoes to go along with my plain boring life. You do not get into GQ magazine with that kind of a look. I had no desire to be in a magazine. Hell, I had no desire, period. So what is it that makes me so damn special from every other Brian and Darien out there?

The bell rang, and I realized that I had slept through the entire class period. Quickly I tried to collect my books and head for the next class. Fortunately, it was lunch.

My history class was conviently located near my locker. I went to go unlock it when I felt someone coming towards me. I thought that for a minute, it was just my paranoia.

" John," the person spoke.

" Oh, hey Ross."

" You know, I always see you coming straight from class to your locker. From your locker to lunch. Always using the same hallways. The same exact time. Every day."
"...And? You're criticizing me for being punctual?" I fired back. If there was anything that I had learned from my parents, it was to always have a sense of wit. No matter how vulnerable you really were on the inside, your wit should never let it show.
" That's not it," he said, trying to regain his momentum. "I'm just saying that not only do you feel like you should do everything the same way, the other thing is that I never see you with anyone..."

" Ok, if people are by themselves in this school, doesn't that mean that they don't want anyone around them in the first place?"

With that, my locker was closed. I left Ross and walked off onto my typical hallway. To my typical lunch table. With very out-of-the-ordinary thoughts.

I have a problem with sex.

Any person could take that sentence and translate it into a billion different meanings. What I mean by it is that I have an actual problem with it.

I love sex and I've never had it.

There is a part of me that is always obsessed with sex. I don't bother to tell anyone about it, that's just too much information that they wouldn't want to know. This part of me loves to fantasize about sex.

The target for lunch would be Ross.

Ross wasn't a bad looking guy. He was around 6`; he was white with short-cut jet-black hair, hazel-green eyes that you could stare into for miles and the most beautiful smile... Of course, I wouldn't tell him these things, `cause he'd probably kill me for it. But it was nice to imagine about it, in my spare time...

" John?"
" ...Ross! What the hell?"
Ross had showed up in the middle of my lunch period on the end of my table. I sat at the end where no one else sat, everyone sat at the other end, while a few people in the middle.

I didn't talk to any of them...

" Daydreaming at lunch, John?"

" Why are you worried? It's not about you, don't get your hopes up."

And then came the awkward silence. It was that moment where he looked straight at me, with those eyes of his, that all of the thoughts that were in my head were sucked out instantly.

" Well, I don't know if I'm making a mistake or not, but here..."

He leaned over the table and pulled out a card from his bag. It was his phone number.

" I know you're not like this," He said to me, now sitting down across from me. " I hope that I do know what you're truly like, though. I like you."

We are now going into emergency landing maneuverings...

Vincent : Hi everyone! I hoped that you liked the beginning of the new story. I know that it is different from my normal type of writing. I do want to try this out, though. See were this can take me. Anyway, due to numerous requests from people wanting to know where Brian and Darien have gone, I have decided to bring them back one more time...

Brian: Hello, my adoring worshipers-- I mean fans!

Darien: Don't get your hopes up. We just want to let everyone know that we are ok! We're in New York right now, in college, in our dorm room...

Brian: And we do mean our...