The Life of Jonathan, Chapter 4 - Goodbye to Ross, Goodbye To John
" You never told me--" I choked.
" Of course I didn't. That's because you never told me," Ross said as he was putting his clothes back on. His body was beautiful, every inch (no pun) seeming as if he was conceived for my pleasure.
" I would've told you, except...well, I've never been with another guy before," I confessed to him.
" Really? I thought you were just in the closet."
" Well, obviously I wasn't far enough into the damn closet for you to leave me alone," I said with a laugh. We both gave a little laugh at that.
...It got a little quiet.
"..Have you ever been with a guy before?" I asked Ross.
" Of course."
" Then again, I've been with girls, too, so..."
Crush. Did you hear that? That was the sound of my heart losing all strength and reason to function.
" Y-You have?" I meekfully stuttered out.
" Yeah. I'm bisexual. Of course, I don't let very many girls know that..."
I wasn't sure if I wanted him to reveal anything else about his sexual past. I hadn't thought of the fact that he had been with girls as well as guys. I thought that, like me, he was only interested in guys.
I think you guys can tell know, that I am not just a cynical, wannabe-intellectual, semi-depressed bastard. I also am naive, too. That's one of my worst qualities. Even though sometimes I act like I am the know-all see-all of this planet, I can be just as vulnerable as anyone else. It's just that there's never been a situation that would really allow it to happen.
" You're a virgin, aren't you?" Ross asked me.
" Yeah," I responded.
" I got the feeling. You seemed a little uncomfortable there."
Some people have no idea about the things that come out of their mouth.
" Yeah," I repeated.
Ross walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
" Don't worry. It's always a little confusing the first time," he said. There was something in his voice. What was it...
Ah yes, sincerity.
" Should we get back to the concert?" I said to Ross.
By the time we had gotten back, the second band was already up and playing. With every note, the crowd inside seemed to be in a trance to the music, bobbing their heads along with the song.
I stood in the back, because I heard that standing in the middle would result in me having a front row seat into a mosh pit. Ross had gone outside to talk to Jen.
As the song ended, the band went to change their tabs on their guitars. It was in those couple of seconds, that I overheard Jen and Ross talking. For some reason, one of my "gifts" is that I have pretty good ears, especially when it comes to eavesdropping on other people's conversations. In this case, it could be considered a curse.
" So...you and John..." Was what I could make out from Jen.
" Nothin'... Already did him...." Was what I heard from Ross.
" No way.... Fine, I'll pay up, bastard..."
`Bastard' was right. I had been fucking duped. Off all of the things...
Currently, I couldn't be mad at Ross, considering he was the reason for my being here...
Which made me think. He had no genuine interest in my whatsoever. The notes, the look, the entire thing. He didn't like me at all...did he? Maybe he didn't mean it like that...hopefully...
Ross had came in and was standing behind me.
" We have to go, Jen needs to leave early."
" Ok, sure." I agreed. I think I had actually gotten a little teary-eyed, because Ross then looked at me and said:
" You alright?"
" Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Just the air," I explained, trying to keep myself from completely slugging him.
I followed Ross out, feeling totally used in the entire matter. And yet, I was in denial. What was so special about what happened back there to make me defend someone who had turned my most personal, intimate moment with another person into the reason for a bet with his best friend?
...Sometimes people answer their own questions.
After getting home, I headed straight to my room. Even though it was only 9, my parents had already gone to sleep. Which allowed me to go online and vent all of my frustrations about my most recent injustice.
I scanned my buddy list, looking for the one person that I had talked to and trusted the most. His name was Neo_Vincent. Or at least, that was his handle. Seeing that he was online, I decided to give him a message:
It took him a while to reply.
Ok, what happened?
I retold the entire story of what happened. When I finished, he sent me another message:
That really sucks. What do you want to do about it?
When the question came up, I really wasn't sure. I mean, I knew I would find some way to completely screw his life up and turn it into a living hell. But I hadn't thought about what I would get out of it.
I'm not sure.
I got Vince's reply:
You still like him, don't you?
I had been really confused about this whole thing. I did like Ross. I know that seems very sadistic on my part -- for me to like someone who didn't care less about me -- maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had the chance until know to feel like that.
I had noticed that nothing had come up on the screen for a while. Maybe because it was my turn to type something. Then a flood of words came:
Look, I know that this is your first so-called relationship and everything, but the guy is SHIT. No matter how many times you can convince yourself otherwise, you're better off getting over him now, before you become addicted and then you'll never be able to (emotionally) recover from it.
I knew all of this. This wasn't helping at all.
So I decided to talk about something else.
Is Vincent your real name?
Looking back at the screen, it read:
No, it's not.
I sent him another question.
What is your real name?
He didn't decide to answer that one.
Sorry. I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you. ^_^
Heh. I sent him a different question:
Ok then, why did you name yourself Vincent?
He didn't reply for a while. Then I got a message:
I'm not good with acting out. If I wanted to do something that was unlike my personality, I couldn't do it. So I decided I need an alter-ego of sorts.
I stopped him:
You sure that's not one of your multiple personalities?
He replied back:
Very funny. Anyway, a person always has things that the feel that they could never do. You know how people always say, " I'm not that type of person to do that?" Well, what if they thought they were someone else? If a person was in that type of mindset, who knows what they could accomplish.
A trip to a mental institution.
Ok, ok, joke all you want. I think I'm insane anyway. Look, I gotta go now. Please, listen to the advice I gave you, ok? I don't wanna hear you winning about some guy in your class that banged you and made you get upset. In any case..
Stopping him in mid sentence, I typed in:
Ok, then. Goodbye.
I logged offline and turned the computer off. I got into bed stared at the ceiling. I was thinking about what Vince had said to me. A person does put limits on themselves when they feel that their actions exceed their own character. I wonder if that applied to me.
I was cynical, but few people even knew that, because I never wanted to say it. I was very intelligent, and I let people see that side of me. Maybe it was because of the fact that I'm always worried about whatever it is that a person has to say about me. How people view others. What Ross viewed me as.
I knew I was in denial about Ross. I had fully contemplated that. But now, it seems, it was time for me to say what I had to say to him.
Maybe I did need an alter-ego myself. After all, there's no way a person like me could ever hope to talk to Ross like that. I'd be too..afraid.
So, it seems, that I had decided that on Monday, when we would get back in school, John would not be talking to Ross anymore.
It seems that Jonathan was.
Sometimes, people never need to know the question to answer it...
Email me Neo_Vincent@hotmail.com for..whatever. Tell
me how you like the story so far. Anything. As long as it dosen't seem like
spam. Oh, and make sure that the subject says "Life Of Jonathan", otherwise I
might delete it @_@ Well, that's about it, the next chapter will be
C-ya later! ^_~