SoapBoxä: Hey, you guys, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back to writing. I hope you'll forgive me. I got very busy around the holidays, my task load has leveled off finally, and I'm able to get back into the swing of things. I want to thank you all for your continued e-mails, and support. Without you all, I'd be a guy with a bunch of words jumbling around my brain. It is your thoughtfulness and kindness in the e-mails that you send that keep me going here. If you'd like to e-mail me my address is: Justin69SK@aol.com
I'm also happy to say that the newest chat room on the Nifty Archives has been well received. It is quite rewarding to know that so many other writers have found a place to come and chat with readers and feel at home. If you'd like to join us, you can find the link in the Nifty Archives; on its chat page, look for #Niftywriters. Or, you can go to www.nevernet.net/nifty/nifty-w.htm. We're there twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, so stop by and chat a spell. Every Saturday night we have a Question & Answer Forum. We invite a different writer every week from Nifty to come and share his thoughts. The `Q&A' begins at 8:00PM Eastern Standard Time and runs until 10:00PM, so set your times accordingly and join in the fun.
One last thing: if you haven't been to my website lately, check it out. I've added lots of new writers and stories there just for you. What? You forgot the URL? No problem, here it is: http://justinscorner.homestead.com
Thanks again! And now, on with the story.
Randy felt lost; he cried for several minutes after Jim left. He felt as if someone had ripped his heart out; his whole world seemed to have been shattered. Memories of Jim and himself from the previous three years flooded his mind. Flashes of Jim's bright smile and gleaming eyes tore at him. The young boy felt a pain in his stomach; it was a vengeful, hateful, nauseating pain, and it was because of Steve. He knew he hadn't liked Steve, and now, not only jealousy ate at him, but he feared Jim would be hurt.
No matter how much his mind wandered around, he couldn't think of a thing to do. He wanted so desperately to tell Jim that Steve was no good. Randy wanted so much to tell Jim that he loved him and that he wanted Jim to love him back. It seemed hopeless, the tears continued to flow down his round cheeks as he thought about how much he loved Jim.
He thought about Joey and the kiss; he remembered how much he had liked it. Then he decided he'd have to find out more about Joey and his desires. `What the hell? I've always liked him. Maybe he's queer too. I mean why would he kiss me?' He wondered to himself.
"Slugger, what's the matter?" Nurse Holmsley asked him, bringing him out of his stupor.
The middle-aged woman walked closer to Randy's bed and gently rubbed the top of his head. She smelled so good and her soft hand on Randy's forehead made him feel wanted. He wished she could stay a while, he had so much he wanted to talk to her about. Lately, he'd confided all his secrets in her.
"Oh, Mrs. Holmsley, I don't want to bother you with my troubles. I'll manage."
"Nonsense, I've got some time. I always save you for the last patient on my rounds, just so I can spend more with you. You're my favorite."
"Really? Do you mean that?"
"Randy, now you know me better than that. Of course I do."
"Well, it's just that Jim came and told me he loves Steve. He's gay too, I guess. Why didn't he ever tell me? I love him so much." Randy began to choke up as he answered her and his eyes filled with tears again.
Nurse Holmsley pulled one of the chairs closer to the bed and sat down. She took Randy's left hand in hers and held it firmly. She looked deep into his dark brown eyes, and smiled.
"Maybe he was scared to tell you. Did you ever tell him how you feel?"
"No. I know. It's just that Steve's an asshole. Excuse me, I mean a bad person."
The nurse chuckled a little and said, "It's ok, I've got a teenage son. He talks like that too."
"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't talk like that, but it's true." Randy pouted after he said it and then he raised the head of the bed.
"I'm sure if you love Jim, he must be a smart guy. I'll bet you this thing with Steve won't last long. You and he seem to be good friends and you've waited this long, so I'm sure now that the cat's out of the bag, when he's figured out Steve, you'll be here for him. Did you tell him how you feel?"
"No, I was so upset I got sick. I told him to leave."
"Did you tell him you like boys too?" The nurse asked.
"Nope, I didn't."
"Well Randy, my advice to you is do that first. You don't need to tell him how you feel about him. I think I'd wait to do that, you wouldn't want to be the cause of the break-up."
The nurse stood up from the chair and walked around the bed to check the IV bag. She kept her eyes on Randy, wondering what was going through his head and feeling sad for him. Sad because he was such a wonderful child and she knew how tough his life was going to be as a gay man.
"Would you tell Joey to come see me? Tell him to hurry too, I need to talk to him before my mom comes."
"Your wish is my command, my young trooper."
"Thanks, Mrs. Holmsley."
Randy kept the head of the bed raised, and reached for the television controller. It was going on four o'clock in the afternoon and his favorite show, Gilligan's Island, was on. He had always thought the show was kind of mindless, but he liked Gilligan and the antics he could get into. It was a show that had come out when Randy was too young to stay up and watch it; now it was in re-runs.
About halfway through the show, Joey came wheeling into Randy's room. He rolled his wheel chair around the bed so he'd be on Randy's left side and could see the television better. His heart was pounding. He was afraid of what Randy was going to say about the kiss, but he loved Randy so much. The teen worried about dying and decided he had to confess how he felt while he still could. Only after he'd kissed Randy, he'd become frightened and worried what Randy thought. Joey wasn't going to say a word until Randy did; he sat next to his buddy and watched the show.
Randy didn't seem to know what to say. He knew what he wanted to ask, but he didn't want to hurt Joey's feelings if he was wrong in what he thought. He rolled to his side, so he'd be nearer to Joey. He fumbled with his sheets a little in his hands as he searched for the right words to say.
"Joey, can I ask you something? I don't want you to take it wrong, and let me say I enjoyed it, the kiss, but ummm..."
Joey froze inside; his belly did somersaults. He worried about what was coming next. His hands gripped the wheels on his chair. He figured if Randy was going to say he hated him, he'd bolt back to his own room. He locked his eyes on Randy's.
"Shit, Joey. I'm gay. Are you?"
Joey couldn't believe his ears; he was suddenly speechless. All those times, all those years he'd known Randy, he'd wanted to say the same thing to him. He wondered if he should have kissed him before. A huge grin crossed his face as he looked at the boy he'd loved all those years.
Randy didn't know what to make of the smile on Joey's face. "I'm sorry if I insulted you. It's just that I've been doing some thinking. You have to promise me you'll keep this a secret."
"I told you Randy, anything you tell me will be kept with me. I'm not insulted. I'm queer too. I was afraid you'd hate me."
"I could never hate you, Joey. Shit, man, you're one of my best friends." Randy thought for a second about what he was going to tell Joey next.
"You and Jim have always been there for me, you're both my best friends."
"Yeah, well that's kind of what I wanted to tell you about. You see Jim is also like us and apparently Steve is. Now they're together. Oh God, Joey, I love Jim."
It wasn't exactly what Joey had wanted to hear. He was hoping Randy was going to tell him he loved him. He was crushed, but at the same time he was happy to hear that he wasn't the only one who was gay. For the longest time he'd lived with shame and guilt, but since his cancer, he'd realized how short and precious life can be.
"I'm sorry, Randy. I kind of know how you feel. You see, I love you."
Randy couldn't believe it. He'd known Joey since they were both in grammar school. He'd always looked out for Joey because he was little and always felt like a brother to him. He'd never thought about loving him; he loved Jim too much. `Could I love Joey,' he wondered?
Just then Sherry and Tom came strolling in, both obviously stoned, their eyes reddened, forming slits as thin as the coin slot in a phone booth. They quickly exchanged greetings. Tom was civil towards Joey, quite unlike the smaller boy's attitude toward Tom.
"So, Randy, any word when you'll be getting out of this hell hole?" The words seemed to tumble out of Tom's mouth.
"Yeah, the Doctor said if all my test results come back good, I can be out of here Friday."
"Groovy man, we'll party at the cabin. I got someone who's been asking lots about you. I think she's in love, man."
Randy pictured Monica and shuddered a bit. "Really?"
"Oh yes, Randy, she's got the hots for you," Sherry told him.
Randy thought quickly. "Well, I don't know if I'll be up to going to the cabin Friday. We'll see." He shot Joey a quick private glance and a wink.
The four visited for about a half-hour. Randy missed Gilligan's Island and amused himself with the thought that perhaps it was the episode where the castaways got rescued finally. He knew better, but Tom always seemed to bore him and Sherry was just too dumb. Randy kept thinking about Joey and wanted the two visitors to leave, so he half listened to them.
Joey didn't say much. He had never cared for Tom. Tom was constantly picking on him, and had been since they were younger. Jim always stood up for Joey, and Randy did too, for that he was eternally grateful. To him the visit seemed to last forever. He was glad when the two finally announced they had to leave.
Once they left, Joey looked at Randy. He had so many questions he wanted to ask. One of them was if Randy had ever done it with another boy. Joey had only once when he was about twelve. Another boy, who had long since moved, had slept over Joey's house. He was about a year older and his name was Dane. Dane had brought a Penthouse magazine, one of his dad's, and the two read the letters in them. The true sexual confessions that many readers had sent in were very graphic. Joey remembered getting aroused and Dane suggested the two jerk off.
"I know what would feel better," Dane told him.
"What?" Joey asked. He remembered it like it was yesterday.
"If I do you and you do me."
Visions of the night from three years ago flashed through Joey's mind. He thought about how good it felt to touch Dane's hard dick. Joey remembered how even though
Dane was older and bigger, his cock was smaller. He pictured Dane's dick and thought about how good it felt when Dane touched his own. It was all the sex he'd ever had, a one-night stand and a mutual hand job. He'd thought about it a lot and wanted so much more, but Dane moved and he'd been too afraid to tell anyone about his desires.
Finally he decided to ask what was on his mind. "Randy, have you ever done it with another boy?"
"Hell no, I haven't done it with a girl, and I don't think I will either. Have you?"
"Yeah once. Remember Dane? We jerked each other off one time."
"Really. What was it like?"
"I liked it; it felt really good."
Joey told Randy the whole story, not leaving out any of the details. By the time he'd finished, his prick had hardened. He looked at Randy and it was obvious he was excited too. It was now or never he thought, he'd ask one of his other questions.
"You wanna try it? We could do it here."
Randy wanted to, but his mind was telling him he loved Jim. Jim loved Steve though, he told himself and he could try to love Joey. His cock was thinking for him too and it was begging to be touched. The torment in his mind was furious and he couldn't think clearly. As much as he wanted to, he didn't. But...
To be continued.
Thanks for reading my work. If you want, send me an e-mail, my address is Justin69SK@aol.com
Thank you, Ron for the fine editing.