Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2008 10:26:38 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: The Life Wheel 03/15 (High schhol)

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THE LIFE WHEEL
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008
written on October 1, 1991
translated by the author
English text kindly revised by The Australian

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"THE LIFE WHEEL" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic
scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family,
opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to
read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or
because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed
guest.

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CHAPTER 3 - Matteo 2

At times teaching makes me feel incredibly tired, but at times it also
helps me to overcome difficult moments in my life.

In November, after coming home from school, I've found Mum sitting at
the kitchen table, sleeping, her head leaning into an arm. I went to
wake her up, but suddenly realized she was dead.

Just like that!

Surely she didn't even realize it. She left gently, on tiptoe, like she
always lived.

I called the doctor for the death certificate, the priest for the
blessing, my Mum's brother, the relatives on Dad's side, and the school
to ask for some days off. I did all this feeling tranquil, and
clearheaded.

When, as my uncle came, I finally burst in tears.

We buried her, and upon returning home, I found myself alone and lonely.

I was overcome with grief when I put all of Mum's things away.

What helped me overcome the grief was the fact that I had to resume my
work at school, the fact that I didn't have the right to discharge my
pain on my students.

Several of them came to the funeral service. They have been really
sweet. They are the only one who helped me to overcome my depression.

For Christmas, all my three classes sent me their greeting at home, by
mail. They weren't plain greeting cards but real letters written at
several hands. They made me feel less lonely.

Franco wrote, "Even though in these holidays I'm with my family, my
heart is there to keep you company."

Luisella wrote, "When snow melts and changes into water and vapour, we
are no more able to see it, but it permeates the heart, the air and is
always with us."

Stefano wrote, "It is possibly at Christmas time when one feels more
sharply the loss of the one who loved you. Judging from the few times
you told us about your mother, I've understood that you really loved
each other. Don't be sad - a little love, possibly small compared to
that of your Mother, comes to you from all your 2F."

There were many other beautiful sentences that I felt were coming from
their heart. The fact that now almost all my students call me by name,
makes me feel closer them even though some of my colleagues don't
approve of it but as I explained to Madam Ferrero, it is not a case of
asking your students for respect, you can only get respect if you love
and respect them.

I had never asked them to call me by first name or surname. I let them
call me whatever made them felt comfortable.

In January, when I resumed teaching, Roberto of the 2F asked me if he
could ask me something personal.

"You can try." I said. "If I eventually judge it too much personal, I
just will not answer you."

"When the newspaper appeared, the short article with your mother's
obituary quoted that your Mother was 'Countess Matilde Cordero della
Rocca'. Therefore you too are a Count."

"No, I am not a count. My father was a count."

"But if your father was a count, you too are one, as you told us, you
are the sole son."

"My father has been a count up to 1946. After that, we became a Republic
and all titles of nobility have lost any legal value. They are like a
currency out of circulation, without a value. Therefore I am no more a
count. The obituary on the newspaper had been written by her brother, I
would not have written that old title before her name."

Then Marco comes out saying, "You then are a democratic person."

"No," I answered him, "it is not question of democracy. It is just
question of historical realism - where there still exists a
constitutional monarchy, one can be at once a count and a democratic
person. The two things are not opposed. But here in Italy, today, we
have a republic."

Rita chimed in and said, "And yet there are people who are very keen of
their titles of nobility. Some people even buy them these days. What's
the sense of that?"

"You should ask them. My father, who lived the better part of his years
in the time of royalty, gave importance to his title and used it up to
his death in 1968. Also my mother, even though she never talked about,
was keen on all of that, but she accepted my view and never talked about
it. After all of that, I can still understand them. A general in
retirement or a retired professor are no more a general or a teacher,
and yet very often they continue to like to be called general and
professor. It is a small human weakness, absolutely harmless and, I
think, worthy of forgiveness."


Then Margerita added, "And if you were called count, how would you
feel?"


"Funny. As if I called you, for instance, mademoiselle or damsel... no,
even funnier than that."

Renzo, at times, called me "Count Matteo" just to pull my leg. Yes,
Renzo, after he came to know that my mother had died, he disappeared.
Surely these two fact are not related, but it has been an odd
coincidence. I missed him a little. Just in this period it would have
been a help having a person near me giving me some affection, some
warmth, also a physical attention.

I thought that the months that Renzo and I made love, the holidays spent
together, were suppose to be the first step to build something. If not a
real relationship, at last a good friendship, but he is the second to
deserting me without a plausible reason, and even without any
explanation. I evidently wasn't their "Lucia Mondella". So much the
better. Perhaps. Was it Sandro who always said - who doesn't love me,
doesn't deserve me?

In March I got the impression that Marco was getting a crush on me.
Still nothing concrete, but his way of looking at me, something
indefinable in his attitude... I told myself that it was possibly just
my fantasy showing me things that don't really exist. And yet my
impression was that he was starting to court me, even though in a very,
very discrete way. For safety sake, anyway, even going on to treat him
with the same gentleness he deserves, I started to keep some distance.

For a while I didn't think any more of it, also because in April I met
Piergiorgio. He is a twenty-two years old boy, blond like ripe wheat and
with incredible violet eyes. He works as a publicity designer. We met at
a gay bar. I asked to the barman a telephone token but he didn't have
any, Piergiorgo, who was sitting at the counter near me, gave it to me
and he absolutely didn't want my two hundred liras.

Thus, after my telephone call, I offered him a drink and we chatted.
That same evening I took him to my place and after a while, without any
of us saying anything, we spontaneously made love. It was really
agreeable, but I presumed it was nothing more than just an adventure
without a follow up; but a couple of days later, called me. He saw the
number on my phone and had memorized it.

He asked me if I was upset he had looked at my number and called me. I
said no, I was rather happy, because we didn't exchange our addresses
and I was afraid we could meet no more. So we made a date. We went to
see a movie together and afterwards he came to my place again and we
made a torrid night of it.

We are going on to meet quite often. It isn't a great love for either of
us, but we seem to fit very well together. He somehow seems to fill the
loneliness I'm feeling. He likes talking to me a lot. Then there is the
sex. Ah the sex! We both enjoyed to the finest limit! He makes love in a
very quiet way, very natural and is totally uninhibited.

At the end of April I went with the 3F on a school trip. We went to
visit Venice. It has been a really beautiful trip, I bonded very well
with my students, we laughed and joked a lot, mainly throughout the
journey on the train, and in Venice we visited the most important
museums and monuments. The students were literally drinking my
explanations.

This year I took part in the trip only at the insistence of the dean,
because there weren't enough voluntary teachers for the 3F class. But
next year I will certainly be one of the volunteers. It is rather a pity
that these trips are organized only for the last year of their
schooling, as they are more than useful in getting to know each other
more and to bond. It is also a responsibility, and it is tiring, that's
certain, because for the entire six days, you are on duty every hour,
but it is worth the effort.

So, between one thing and another, I was no more thinking about that
very discreet courting I had sensed from Marco.

Come May, something happened...

I was in 2F explaining the scheme of the world, with hell and purgatory,
according to Dante. I had brought with me a very large illustration. All
the class was crowding around the desk on all four sides. They were
leaning on me, on the desk, in double or triple rows to look at the
illustration and to listen at my explanation.


At a certain point I felt, in a clear and unequivocally way, an erect
member pushing against my left arm!

Really surprised I looked up. There, leaning like all his companions,
but his groin pressed on my shoulder, there was Marco. Our eyes met and
he sustained my glance in all innocence. However the pressure continued,
strong and clear and it was his member I was feeling, hard, pulsating
and of a good size.

It could not be possible that Marco was not aware of it, or rather, it
was impossible he wasn't doing it on purpose. I stood up, going on with
my explanation as if nothing happened, but moving far enough to stop
that contact with Marco. But what really surprised me is the point that
I also got a formidable erection. After a while I had them all sit down
in their place.

When the lesson was over, I called Marco aside and told to him openly,
"I didn't think it was really opportune thing what you did today. I
already have the impression that you were interested in me and I thought
that you should understand it is not reciprocated. You really passed the
limit today."

I thought he would deny it, or be confounded but, with a smile tinged
with an air of "captatio benevolentiae", as to soothe me, he said, "I
didn't really do it on purpose Matteo, I swear. It's just that it awoke
just while I was there listening to you and... well, I didn't step back,
that's true; but it's not my fault that you are a handsome man, and I
like men. That's true too. I like you and I get aroused just looking at
you, just being near you. Does that offend you? Do you blame me?"

"No, I'm not apportioning blame at all. But you must realise that you
can't blame me for not being interested in having the kind of affair you
desire. You are a really likeable boy, intelligent, and clever. Even if
you could apply yourself to the studies some more, you are a boy endowed
with.... - don't do that sly smile... you know I didn't mean in 'that'
sense - I snapped at him mid sentence - even though you did your best to
make me aware of it. If you continue with your attitude... I'm afraid
you will force me to treat you in a brisk and dismissive manner. Is it
what you want from me?"

"No, of course not. And now, god knows what you are thinking of me...
that I'm a pervert?"

"No, nothing is different. I can even tell you that I understand you,
and that if you hadn't tried with me, you would never be sure about my
response, but now you know it. I hope my attitude has not given you
false hopes. If that happens to be the case, I really regret it. Anyway
for me, this 'accident' is as if it never occurred. Do you agree?"

"It's me that made the mistake, not you. Can you forgive me?"

"There is noting to forgive, Marco, but... um... what if you tried to
study some more?"

"I will try, Prof!" Marco answered, turning to me with a mischievous
smile on his face.

I felt sorry for him. I regretted I could not tell him that I liked him.
Nor could I tell him that I was gay either. I felt sad that I could not
confess to him that his evocative actions had the power to arouse me.

I could not do otherwise.

First of all, because he is one of my students, and secondly because he
still is a minor, even though, short by a few months. In my opinion a
teacher should never be the lover of one of his students, be it a boy or
a girl, because all the educational relationships would be altered,
turned on their head, but I think that Marco would not have understood
this point.

The fact upset me, possibly because I didn't expect him to execute such
a daring move, but more importantly because I didn't expect my physical
reaction. It happened about ten days ago but it is as if I could still
feel that pulsating pressure against my arm, and this reaction happens
every time I meet him. Every time I look at him.

The problem is that, to be sincere with myself, I enjoyed that contact.
I'm trying to guess if Marco did tell Leo and Stefano about the
incident. I don't think he did, because it doesn't seem to have changed
their attitude towards me.

I talked to Piergiorgio about it and that crazy boy told me that if he
were in my shoes, he would have bedded Marco without a second thought.

"That boy doesn't want anything but that! He is sufficiently grown up to
know what he wants, isn't that a fact? He made it abundantly clear to
you! It's also very evident that you like that boy. He has aroused you
in the past and he can still do it to you now, just by you think about
him!"

"But he is just a kid and what's more, he is one of my pupils."

"He is attending his last year, so he is 18 or just short of it. There
is no difference. You told me he is a gay activist, even a member of the
Arci-gay. You like him. It's evident by the way you talk about him and
how you got aroused just feeling his hard rod against your shoulder. So,
then, why not just bed him and... I'm here at the time, we can have a
nice threesome...?"

I tried to explain to him the problem I imagined with the educational
situation, but he kept on pulling my leg. He did it kind-heartedly, but
he did it. Then he made me feel his hard-on against my arm and urged his
ardour upon me with little kisses hoping to arouse me. I could not
resist. We made love.

I like Piergiorgio a great deal, and he is so well endowed, just as that
smart fellow Marco had thought.

No, it would not be right if I took Marco in my bed, despite the fact
that he is still young and I feel so attracted to him. I like him in the
physical sense as well as his personality. An educator has to be severe
with his pupils sometimes. A lover cannot be severe with his beloved
one. Or at least, I wouldn't be able to be severe with my boyfriend.

All that aside, and without considering the disciplinary consequences if
such a thing came to be known, Marco could, even without malice, be
tempted to take advantage of the situation. How would I be able to give
him a bad mark, if he deserves it, without doing harm to him and to
myself? How could I give him an oral test without being impartial or not
being able to tell him the subject of next test?

No, two lovers have to be two people at the same level, a teacher and a
student have to retain their educational relationship, and should never
split the levels. To do otherwise would be an inconsistency. If he
attended a different high school I would probably accept trying to have
a physical relationship with him, in spite of him being so youth.

I have to admit it, I get excited just thinking of him.

It seems a bit odd to me that a clever boy like Piergiorgio doesn't
understand this situation, unless he was just joking and trying to take
me for a ride or to embarrass me.

I saw Leo today. He was with a boy more or less of his same age. They
were crossing at the zebra lines just in front of me. I was in my car
and Leo didn't notice me. They were walking hand in hand and it's clear
that the boy is his boyfriend. I felt a great tenderness for them. His
boyfriend has a dancer's gait about him. He is sinuous, elegant, has
graceful movements without being overt at all. They were talking and
looking at each other with wonderful smiles. They were the perfect image
of two splendid young sweethearts in love.

For what I have gleaned, it seems that Leo's parents know about his
boyfriend and that they don't have a problems with it. I never met his
father. His mother comes once every term to the Parents and Teachers
meeting. She is very aloof and I don't really like her all that much.

Leo is really good at school and always gets high marks. Each time his
mother asks me " How is my son going. Does he study?" How can she be so
unaware? There are times when I feel tempted to answer "no, he has
plenty of bad marks!" just to see her overly painted face dissolve into
pallor for a moment. Leo is a really good and clever boy and I'm tempted
to ask myself how he can have such an absurd mother.

Marco's parents are simple, unpretentious, modest people but I like them
a lot more that the others. I have met his father a couple of times, his
mother more frequently. His father is really a handsome man, lean,
strong, tall, sexy, with very lively, deep eyes. Marco took all his
physical attributes. I think that if Marco's father was gay, I would
court him and would go to bed with him more than willingly. He could be
in his forties. The two times that we have met, I literally undressed
him with my eyes, to fulfill my fantasy.

If, in growing up, Marco becomes even more like his father, he will
always have a flock of admirers and he would just have the embarrass de
choix, he will be spoiled for choice.

His mother, on the contrary, is rather insignificant. Tall and thin but
shabby and insecure. Who knows why such a remarkable man married with
such a wishy-washy woman? Mysteries of sexual chemistry!

The parents! As much as I like being with the boys in the classroom,
there so much I don't like about their parents.

Of course there are exceptions. Laura's mother, for instance. She is a
splendid and intelligent woman and had an agreeable personality.
Gianni's father is one of the persons with whom it is really easy to
engage. Mara's parents are open-minded, intelligent and really good
parents. Unfortunately, they are a minority in a tide of absurd fathers
and mothers.

Piergiorgio should be here shortly. Happily, I've already finished
correcting all of the last tests, so now, I can devote myself totally to
him. I will wait for him wearing only my dressing-gown, as I know he
likes it. I will look at him while he undresses, then comes to me filled
with desire, kisses me on the neck while slipping his hands under my
dressing-gown.

I will feel him shudder with desire for me and his desire will drive me
to the point of near maddening lust.

It is also good knowing that Marco desires me. Possibly because it is an
impossible, forbidden love.

If I had to make a choice between Piergiorgio and Marco... who knows?

I have to be careful. I'm thinking too often of Marco. It could become
dangerous. I have to retain my defences!

However,I would like to feeling his erection searching for me again. I
would like to hold it in my hand. I would like undressing him with
exhausting slowness then let him undress me, perhaps even there in the
classroom, between the desk and the blackboard and unite with him,
regardless of the fact that all the class is fully attended and looking
at us!

Oh my god! These are really morbid thoughts. Dangerous fantasies I have
to put aside . Absurd thoughts...

But such beautiful ones!

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CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 3

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is

http://andrejkoymasky.com

If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at

andrej@andrejkoymasky.com

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